3 Ways to Deal with Friends Who Hurt You - wikiHow. V.A. lyrics How to monitor your reaction

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Sometimes, no matter how close the relationship is, a friend can offend you. Usually people don't do this on purpose (although sometimes they offend others on purpose), but the situation is complicated by the fact that this person is your friend. If you learn to control your reaction and communicate with a friend properly, you can restore relationships and forget all grievances.

Steps

How to monitor your reaction

Keep your composure. You may not be able to change how you feel, but you can control your reaction. If you can keep track of what you say and do in a difficult situation, you will be able to reduce the likelihood of an argument developing.

Get out of bad situations. If you have the opportunity to end the conversation, even if only temporarily, do so. Walk to clear your head and calm down. This will also give your friend time to reflect on their words and actions.

• If you react harshly, the quarrel can go too far. Remember that you cannot take back what was said, but it is up to you to speak or not to speak at the time of the quarrel.
• Tell a friend that you want to go for a walk and calm down, and then come back. He should not think that you decided to just suddenly leave.
• Leave only if it's safe to do so. Do not walk along the highway or in any other place where there is no sidewalk and where cars drive.

1. Use calming techniques. If you have the opportunity to go outside or to another room for 10 minutes, use this time to good use. Do not think about how your friend hurt you, but try to calm down as quickly as possible.

   How to respond to a friend's behavior

   1. Talk directly to your friend about their behavior. Once you've calmed down and can talk without being angry, discuss what happened with a friend. Remember that you should not provoke conflict. Just sit down and talk about what happened.

      • Remember that you must be completely calm.
      • Tell a friend that his words offended you.
      • Do not use categorical phrases. Speak in the first person: “I was very hurt when you said that about me” or “I think that with these words you showed disrespect towards me.”

   2. Learn to see patterns in hurtful behavior. You may have noticed in the past that a friend can hurt you. It is possible that the friend himself does not notice this or has never thought about it. Abusive behavior can take many forms, but there are six main categories that you should be aware of:

      If the behavior is repetitive, speak up about it. It doesn't matter if your friend hurts you on purpose or accidentally, the result is always the same: shame, resentment, distance. If you notice that a friend regularly misbehaves towards you, tell him about it right away when you note it to yourself.

      Let a friend answer you. Dialogue is important in conflict situations. You can't just chastise a friend for being rude without giving them a chance to respond to you.

      Try to be understanding. In a conversation with a friend, it is important to try to understand his behavior. After all, he is your friend, and you must have a lot in common.

      • Do not suspect a friend of the worst and try not to be angry with him.
      • Do not ignore hurtful remarks and actions, but speak calmly and understandingly about them.
      • Remember that many people hurt others only because they themselves are hurt and scared. If you keep this in mind, it will be easier for you not to be angry with someone.

   3. Consider whether you should keep the friendship. If you have been offended, you may decide to cut the person out of your life entirely. However, experts warn that this can be an extreme reaction to an unpleasant event or statement. Only you can decide whether you are able to forgive the offense. Many people succeed over time.

   How to leave a grudge in the past

   1. Reflect on the situation. After you calm down and talk to a friend about what has hurt you, you will need to think about what happened. This does not mean that you should constantly replay the situation in your head and dwell on your emotions. Just think about everything that happened and try to make sense of the situation.

      • Evaluate the objective facts. Don't take your feelings into account - just think about what was said or done and what your friend's intentions might have been.
      • Reflect on how you reacted. Did you do well? Were you able to overcome your feelings and keep the conflict from getting worse?
      • Think about how the conflict might have affected your life. This includes but is not limited to self-esteem and general well-being.

   2. Try to let go of the situation. For resentment to pass, you need to make a decision. You can either hold on to the feelings of anger and pain, or you can let go of them and move on with your life. This does not mean that you will ignore your pain. This means that you will come to terms with the fact that you were wronged, and make a decision not to live in the past.

      • By making the decision to leave the past in the past and forget about your pain, you can recover from resentment.
      • If you choose not to remember the hurt, you will feel that you are in control of your life. You will understand that you yourself decide what can affect you and what does not.
   3. • Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It means letting go of anger and resentment.
      • Forgiveness is the next logical step after deciding to let go of resentment and stop being a victim. Without forgiveness, you can never completely get rid of pain.
      • To forgive a friend means to forgive yourself. If you are partly to blame for the situation, or if you said or did something emotionally, you will need to let go of that too.
      • When you forgive everyone involved in the situation, you can truly move on. Whether you keep the friendship or not, over time, you will be able to survive the pain.
   • Try to laugh in response to petty attacks. If they repeat, calmly but firmly tell your friend that his words hurt you.
   • Remember that you became friends for a reason. Don't let one episode ruin your friendship.
   • Be honest with yourself. If this person is bad friend, forget about it.
   • Try to treat your friend the way you would like them to treat you.

   Warnings

   • Don't forgive violence. It doesn't matter what it was (physical or psychological) - do not allow a person to be aggressive towards you. If this happens, you'd better consider ending the relationship for your own safety.
   • Never use force or show aggression. Don't respond harshly to your friend. Calm down and then talk to a friend and politely say whatever you think.
   • Never speak or act under the influence of anger.

But it is in your power to do so in order to save your friends


Friend, I remember you and you don't forget me
I remember our childhood, I remember everything until the last day
As they flew, the days turned into weeks
Weeks into months and years, and now we've grown up
What they managed to achieve, did not have time, did not forget
How they quarreled, reconciled, spent time together
What did you strive for in your life and what did you dream about?
That we would not be so different ...

They didn't understand me, they still don't understand me
Trampled my thoughts, my views were reproached
And you couldn't understand me that I needed help
That instead of peace, I have a war in my soul for a long time
I smiled in spite of everyone and kept my pain inside
No one heard the groans and no help pleas
I survived that time alone, without miracles
Only you will understand that I am writing about what is!

Chorus:
Resentment against friends in actions, disappointment
We take into account quarrels for no reason
How many more wounds will be inflicted on the soul by friends
The question is immortalized so that it cannot be broken.
The answer was buried, trampled on the way,

Don't forget your friends, never forget them
My friends you are in my memory and in my heart forever.
Don't be offended when I tell the truth
I'm not a pessimist, I just simply do not believe in tomorrow!
The author of our life forgot to add a couple of lines
My verse is not completed, not completed, that's the result
We have always been equal, but time broke something ...
You have a girlfriend, her love, her care
And I work all day and don't want to face it
That the meaning of life is in money, in them the solution to all problems,
And every time I drink you judge me
And what's going on in my head still do not know
And do not try to understand, admit to yourself at least
That you've been dialing my phone number for a long time reluctantly
What to do if your new friends
Change you what I've always been for you
I kind of stayed, but somewhere far away in the shadows
I did not share the path, if I offended, then I'm sorry ...

Chorus 2x:
Resentment against friends in actions, disappointment
We take into account quarrels for no reason
How many more wounds will be inflicted on the soul by friends
The question is immortalized so that it cannot be broken.
The answer was buried, trampled on the way
But it is in your power to do so in order to save your friends
Don't forget your friends, never forget them
My friends you are in my memory and in my heart forever.

Resentment against friends in actions, disappointment
We take into account quarrels for no reason
How many more wounds will be inflicted on the soul by friends
The question is immortalized so that it cannot be broken.
The answer was buried, trampled on the way
But it is in your power to do so in order to save your friends
Don't forget your friends, never forget them
My friends you are in my memory and in my heart forever.

Chorus
Resentment against friends in actions, disappointment
We take into account quarrels for no reason
How many more wounds will be inflicted on the soul by friends
The question is immortalized so that it cannot be broken.
The answer was buried, trampled on the way
But it is in your power to do so in order to save your friends
Don't forget your friends, never forget them
My friends you are in my memory and in my heart forever...




But in your power to do so to save his friends


Friend, I remember you and you will not forget me
I remember our childhood, I remember everything until the last day
As they flew evolved in the days of the week
Weeks into months and years, and now we have grown up
Which managed to achieve, do not have time, do not forget
A quarrel, reconciled, the time spent together
Something to strive for in my life and dreamed about
What will be different so did not expect...

I do not understand, do not understand so far
Trampled my thoughts, my views put a reproach
And you could not understand me, that I needed help
That instead of peace in my heart for a long time war
I smiled in spite of all his pain and kept inside
Not who did not hear the moans and please help
I lived through that time alone, without miracles
Only one you "ll understand what I" m writing about what is!

chorus:
Resentment against friends in action, frustration
Quarrels no reason to take into account
How many more soul wounds are applied to Friend
Question immortalized so that it can't break .
The answer is buried, trampled on the way

Do not forget your friends, do not forget them ever
My friends you in mind and heart forever
Friend does not take offense when I say the truth
I am not a pessimist, I just simply do not believe in tomorrow!
Author of our lives forgot to add a couple of lines
My verse is not completed yet, this is the result not dopisan-
We have always been equal, but the time smashed something ...
Do you have a girl, her love, her care
And I work all day and do not want to smeritsya so
What is the meaning of life with money in them the solution to all problems
And every time when I drink you condemn me
And what's going on in my head still do not know
And do not try to understand, admit to himself at least
That the number of my long tube amassed reluctantly
What to do if your new friends
You change it than I ever was for you
I kind of was, but somewhere far away in the shade
Way I did not share , if offended then I "m sorry ...

Chorus 2x:
Resentment against friends in action, frustration
Quarrels no reason to take into account
How many more soul wounds are applied to Friend
Question immortalized so that it can't break .
The answer is buried, trampled on the way
But in your power to do so, that would save his friends
Do not forget your friends, do not forget them ever
My friends you in mind and heart forever

Resentment against friends in action, frustration
Quarrels no reason to take into account
How many more soul wounds are applied to Friend
Question immortalized so that it can't break .
The answer is buried, trampled on the way
But in your power to do so, that would save his friends
Do not forget your friends, do not forget them ever
My friends you in mind and heart forever

Chorus
Resentment against friends in action, frustration
Quarrels no reason to take into account
How many more soul wounds are applied to Friend
Question immortalized so that it can't break .
The answer is buried, trampled on the way
But in your power to do so, that would save his friends
Do not forget your friends, do not forget them ever
my friends you in mind and heart forever ...

Instruction

First of all, evaluate whether your friend wanted to hurt you, or whether everything happened unintentionally, by accident. If the offense is accidental, then just forget about it - they didn’t want to upset you, which means there is no reason to worry. Think about yourself - have you ever unwittingly offended someone? There was no malicious intent in your words or actions, everything happened by accident. They did not think, did not appreciate the situation. You have certainly been forgiven, forgive you.

There are situations when a friend offends intentionally. Even friends can sometimes quarrel and say too much to each other in the heat of a quarrel. But it is precisely in such situations that friendship is tested. It often happens that both understand the absurdity and stupidity of the situation, but at the same time, each waits for the other to come to terms first. Usually in such a situation, the first to put up is not the weaker, but the wiser. Think about the fact that your friend is also going through a quarrel, but does not find the strength in himself to be the first to go to the world. Help him, take the first step yourself. And you will see how quickly all grievances will be forgotten.

Don't think badly of your friend. On the contrary, try to always think about people, including friends, well. Justify their words and actions, understanding that people are imperfect and often do stupid things. Do not forget that you are not much different from them, that you also have something to work on in yourself. Learn not to return blow for blow, word for word. The ability to forgive is a sign of spiritual maturity.

Laugh at insults, this is one of the best means fight them. Why man? Because he takes himself too seriously. It is pride, selfishness that makes you feel hurt. If a person gets rid of, then when he meets her, no matter who and in what capacity she appears, he wants to laugh. With no less pleasure, he laughs at himself. Good friends, even if they quarreled and said stupid things to each other, the next day they will remember with laughter their quarrel yesterday.

The ability to forgive insults, to forget about them is very useful, but even more important is the ability. If something is you, then you have something to work on in yourself. Identify your weak points and get rid of them - then you will simply have nothing to hook on. Any attempts to “get” you will be met with laughter. You will simply forget how to be angry, the words and actions of people will cease to evoke negative responses in your soul. Intentionally irritating you, the person is trying to manipulate you, to bring you into a certain psychological state. But if you forget to be offended, all his efforts will be useless. Rather, on the contrary, you can manipulate him, since a person trying to humiliate someone is usually very vulnerable himself.

Why grievances arise between husband and wife, and how to deal with them in order to save the family, says a family psychologist.

Resentment in a marital relationship is a step towards a break.

Resentment is a complex emotional experience, consisting of a mixture of pain, anger and all kinds of projections, fantasies, ideas and expectations from each other, which the spouses do not always pronounce, but act on the basis of what they would like to see in a partner.

Unfortunately, this situation often leads to the fact that both begin to attribute bad intentions to the partner.

So small misunderstandings turn into serious difficulties that are difficult to deal with on your own.

Relationship expectations are a kind of fantasy or idea of ​​how it should be. They may well not correspond to reality.

If you approach a person and voice your desire, this does not mean at all that he must fulfill it.

Every person has the right to be who they are, and the same freedom to fulfill your desire or not.

Sometimes women complain that the partner ignores requests. Check if your requests are rational, ethical, or meet only one criterion - your youthful ideas about a prince on a white horse?

Any misinterpreted word, an excessive emotional reaction of a partner, not necessarily even directed at a spouse, can hurt.

Following the pain, a defensive reaction appears - indignation, anger, irritation.

If partners are intolerant, mutually devalue feelings and experiences, then a tense aggressive atmosphere develops in a couple - everyone is not satisfied, angry and injured.

Since it is impossible to constantly quarrel, each of the partners begins to restrain their emotions, aggression is directed inward, and each of them finds himself alone with his pain. So resentment in a couple gradually turns into one big lump of pain and the relationship is destroyed.

How not to become a hostage of marital resentment: 8 effective tips

In a situation with acute resentment, do not rush to a showdown with a partner. Stop any desire or even your cry and go to another room, hurry to the street and take a walk.

Do not act in a state of passion and do not make any decisions that you may later regret.

For a normal conversation, only a calm atmosphere is needed. Release emotions in any way that suits you - beat a pillow, scream into it, tear paper into a hundred or two small pieces, take a contrast shower.

Only then should you prepare for the conversation.

1. Negotiate a truce.

Designate what will happen at this moment, and what exactly will not happen. For example: "We will carefully listen to each other, no matter who says anything, we will be patient. If we encounter each other's pain, we will not defend ourselves from it, get angry at a partner who pours out his soul, and reproach, even if it seems to us that his or her words are unfair. We will pay attention to even the smallest detail, if it is important to at least one of us."

1. Learn to listen and hear.

Some couples say they don't understand each other, but in reality they just don't listen. They repeat the same request a thousand times, but no one seriously pays attention to the partner's words. It is as if the importance of words is constantly devalued until someone starts yelling and scolding.

Hearing rudeness is much easier than hearing another person's need.

Try to understand what your partner is talking about. Try to deal with what he lacks and what he wants to get, without condemnation and ridicule, cynicism and irony. Tell him: "I hear you, you want this and that. I understand you."

1. Learn to speak the essence of the request without pretensions.

For example: "I'm asking you to do exactly what I asked. If I'm asking you to vacuum the floor, then please just vacuum the floor." This is a simple request. It is easy to hear and perform.

You should not dump a stream of claims on your partner's head in the form of a monologue. Remember: only one or two requests at a time. If you drown your partner in a stream of requests, claims, then he will think that it is absolutely impossible to satisfy you, and will lose all hope for a normal relationship with you.

1. Take what the other says as their subjective truth.

Often people say exactly what they want to receive. The biggest mistake in relationships is constant suspicions about and without reason. We can suspect a person if we have the real facts on hand. If there are no facts, then our suspicions may turn out to be groundless, and the accusations have already been said. Unfortunately, the situation cannot be reversed: "The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won't catch it."

Do not question the opinion of the partner, his feelings and experiences.

Don't think like this: "Yeah, right now we have a truce, but it will end, and everything will start again - he will lie, call names and come when he wants."

Approve and support even the smallest achievements of your partner, thank him for the fact that he (she) is coming towards you.

1. Stop fantasizing and bringing past experiences into relationships.

Often partners carry the experience of past emotional trauma into a new relationship. For example: "My mother constantly ignored me, I will not allow my husband (wife) to neglect me!"

From that moment on, relationship problems begin. Now, even if the partner was never going to ignore the wife or husband, he will know that he will go crazy if he does not call 20 times a day. Even distraction will be perceived as malicious inattention.

1. Stop looking for problems with your partner, study your own.

There is a great proverb that says: "I can see a mote in someone else's eye, but I can't see a log in my own."

Start engaging in self-improvement and personal growth, stop focusing on your partner's problems.

If you will deal with him or her personal development, then very soon you will find that from your good intentions there is a huge road to the hell of loneliness and heartache. After all, your partner will perceive such "good" as persecution.

1. Learn to put up.

Radical adherence to principles, bordering on righteous anger and fanaticism, leads to only one result - the destruction of relations.

Learn to put up, soften the situation and engage in self-justification.

The other person needs justification, sympathy, and understanding just as much as you do.

1. Rational balance instead of demonstrative dramatization.

implement all of these practical advice possible only if you and your partner do not have strong characterological or emotional disorders.

It is impossible to negotiate with a person if he is ill with alcoholism or drug addiction, suffers from depression, or is in love with himself for life. Any violation of mental life destabilizes a person and requires a different approach to the situation.

Remember that the partner should not live according to your ideas. It is possible to completely get rid of resentment only when each of the spouses learns to understand the other and receives satisfaction of their needs in the relationship.

Helping each other to get satisfaction from life, to offer quality communication and a high level of relationships is possible only with joint efforts.

In no case do not take full responsibility for the relationship only on yourself.

Relationships are always a matter of two.

Friendship is not just a human relationship. It is built on trust, solidarity and tolerance. People who are friends learn to ignore social status, gender or race, or age differences. But even the strongest relationships face disagreements and conflicts. In this article we will answer the most important question: what to do if you offended a friend?

Don't be afraid to ask for forgiveness

It is important to be able to sincerely apologize and understand why you are sorry. Therefore, before you go to ask for forgiveness, remember what exactly hurt your friend's feelings. Perhaps he confided in you, told the most secret secrets of his life, and in a quarrel you decided to use this knowledge against him.

If you betrayed him, then regaining the former trust will be very difficult. Knowing that you cannot be relied upon, a friend will become very wary even after forgiveness. Don't go to a person without a prepared speech. Of course, you don’t need to learn a whole sheet in advance to make it look flattering and artificial. Just prepare a cheat sheet for yourself that will help you in case you get nervous or confused.

Do something nice

When deciding what to do if you hurt a friend, it is important to find the right approach to the person you have hurt. Think about what your friend loves the most. For example, fishing, football, shopping, computer games or sports. Arrange a day of reconciliation for him by giving him something that a friend will be delighted with. There is nothing more powerful than a common cause that brings several people together.

It is not necessary to buy something expensive and incredibly valuable. It is not important how much the gift costs, but whether it was made with a soul or not. If you buy some thing only because of your own egoism, in order to restore your former relationship with a person, then you can be sure that after a short period, conflicts and disagreements may arise between you again.

Try to restore the old trust

Many girls ask themselves the question: what to do when you offended a friend or girlfriend? Of course, after any quarrel, an unpleasant aftertaste can remain, so you need to give your relationship time to recover.

But until this period, you will have to make every effort so that you can become good friends again:

• First, if you want to find the answer to the question of how to fix the situation when you offended a friend, then remember about support. Every person needs to understand other people. Therefore, support your friend, do not leave him in trouble, but keep a distance so that these relationships do not grow into consumer ones.
• Secondly, be present in his life, do not disappear for a long time and keep in touch. Any conflict can be resolved, but it is important to give the person time to think things over and cool down.

How to offend a friend? A few mistakes to avoid

Never provoke a person during a quarrel, otherwise it can lead to a violent conflict flaring up. Try to get away from disagreements, give everyone time. Surely you didn’t specifically think about how to offend a friend, but everything turned out to be quite simple. For example, you used what you learned about your friend against him.

If you found out his deepest secret and told someone about it, this is enough to end the warmest relationship. After all, friendship is something more than just being familiar with someone. When you trust each other, you agree to keep other people's secrets and provide moral support.

When they offended you

Many people do not notice that they hurt a friend, even though they still feel embarrassed. But if you are the one who faced the conflict and remained a victim in it, then here are some tips that will help you cope with the unpleasant feeling of betrayal:

1. Never be dramatic. Analyze the situation and remember what exactly hooked you in the quarrel. If there is nothing serious, then you should not be mortally offended by a friend. If he betrayed or insulted you, then think about whether you need such a person next to you?
2. Don't have false illusions. If you are sure that you are not to blame for the quarrel, then do not rush to restore the relationship first. Give your friend some time to cool down and think things over, and then apologize - sincerely and innocently. But at the same time, do not harbor false hopes that he will come to you with a confession on the very first day. Sometimes it takes people years.
3. Try to pull yourself together. Of course, even the smallest quarrel can unsettle you. Most people withdraw into themselves, they lose their appetite, they are ready to just lie down and not get up from the couch until everything is sorted out. Get busy, do not let negative emotions and thoughts consume you. Work and hobbies are the best cure for mental illness.

Any disagreement can be resolved. The main thing is not to be afraid to show sincere feelings, apologize and restore again. All you need is a little faith in yourself, and If you dwell on what was said to you, then you will never be able to trust people again. If offended you best friend, do not rush to be mortally offended by him. Find out the reasons why he did it, maybe he just had a bad day.