Evolution is a live journal of eco-friendly care. How not to. fatal mistakes of men leading a young family to divorce
You know, I was sitting at night, as always, and suddenly the idea of \u200b\u200bfasting arose.
Almost all of us had to part with people. Favorite or not, but still emotionally close and dear. Either we were abandoned, or the circumstances were so bad that we had to leave. Or even run. Tear, burn bridges, put up crosses.
And then, for sure, "rolled". And it was painful, insulting, terrible, and all that.
In parting, the worst thing is to survive the first weeks. And the psychological milestone in one month.
And I thought: what if we were to draw up such a manual for ourselves, what is worth and what is not worth doing in this very difficult period.
I will start and you continue. Because experience is always valuable - this is one, well, I'm a girl - this is two. And the experience of men and for men is also interesting.
I'll start with what, in my experience, you shouldn't do.
- You shouldn't be pissed off.
I know, often the first thing you want to do is get drunk, and all sorts of stupid people sometimes even advise this. And many people think that if, when it's bad, to get drunk, it will become easier.
Nifiga. It will become easier from the first glass or two, this is the very first relaxation and pleasant dullness. And then - trouble, trouble.
For some reason, under alcohol, you instantly forget everything bad, and only pink gingerbread cookies begin to spin in your head, and it suddenly becomes wildly insulting that there will be no more gingerbread. Hence the drunken tantrums, suffering and other love-idealized dregs. No need.
More than that, no matter what they say, but alcohol is a depressant and brake fluid for the body.
And therefore, any parting must be experienced exclusively on a sober head. So it is easier and faster to put thoughts and feelings in order.
In principle, in the first weeks it is permissible to get drunk in the trash, but only once. Well, because often without it - nowhere. As a rule, this time occurs either immediately on the day of parting, or on the day after.
And it is better if you have a reliable and close person with you. Who will wipe the snot, straighten your head over your faience friend in time, and then put you to bed.
And that's it. No more drinking. At least until the initial stress of breaking up has passed.
Alcohol, in fact, is good later, when at least a month passes (or even much more!), And some kind of immunity already appears. That is, firstly, you are sure that you will not use the "call to the former" tariff, and secondly, you have a bachelorette party, everyone is aware of what happened to you, and are ready to morally support the topic "yes, he is finally a f**k !", which just goes with a bang in about a month or two.
In short, when there are people nearby who will not let you roll back to the beginning.
- Definitely in the first weeks (often more) you should not remember the folk wisdom "they knock out a wedge with a wedge", and rush urgently to look for someone. Even if it seems to you that this is what will help you now.
Most likely it won't help.
Because in the early days it’s even disgusting, it’s still not beloved-native-dear, and still not right. (For men, it may be somehow different, I don’t know.)
So after casual sex in the spirit of "wedge wedge" (even if you force yourself to do it), there is a chance to feel even more devastated.
Well, these days you are in any way in an extremely unstable emotional state, and there is a risk that the psyche will give out some unpleasant trick.
Let's say it suddenly rolls over, and you start whining about how you were treated badly.
Or even more interesting... That's how one beauty told me. She broke up with a man (difficult and painful), remembered folk wisdom, and urgently pulled out another somewhere. They had a pleasant evening, and then even went to bed, undressed and lay down. So…
She says: "He touches me, and I suddenly - in tears. I lie, roar, and I can't stop, they roll on their own."
Well, it's clear, right?
So why pin your emotional problems on someone else? He, this "someone", is not to blame that such garbage happened to you. Save the mind of another person. And you never know, all of a sudden he likes you very, very much, and here it is. Why hurt someone else, go through it yourself. In short, be environmentally friendly.
Well, in general - what kind of famm fatale are you now, when you are in snot from morning to evening, and your eyes are frozen.
But! After the first few weeks, you still need to start at least being interested in others, well, with one eye and carefully, not particularly letting them in. This is not to get bogged down in feelings.
Then - really kick out! But that's later. There must be emotional readiness.
- In the first weeks, you should not go anywhere in the hope that somewhere it will be easier and the pain will go away. Here it is checked out. Not worth it. Will not let.
When I say "you shouldn't leave" - I mean both another city or country, and, for example, a girlfriend's apartment.
Because running away is emotional, and you can't run away from yourself. I understand, it seems that as soon as you fall down, it will become easier. In the early days - yes, but just a little bit. And then it will inevitably cover. And will tear back. And then you still have to come back.
Therefore, it is better to experience pain in the native walls. They really help.
But in a few weeks, when everything calms down a little, you can go. Right there, it's time to unwind.
- No need to go to fortune tellers and try to bewitch, return, learn and te de.
Funny, right? But girls, I know you! Well, this is a sweet thing: a loved one is off - every second one is looking for magical, damn it, ways to return him or at least join his chakras through an astral connection. Once with a real connection, plugging.
Well, everything is simple here.
Firstly, this is utter nonsense and f*cking. But in stress, the brain, of course, does not understand this, and begins to look for even the slightest anchor. As a result, you give someone real money, and in return they give you a virtual hope for the king of hearts. And the phrase "look, now you have pentacles and a tower in an inverted position, and then - cups and a page in a straight position," says absolutely nothing about the future, just your wild imagination will draw what you lack. And this whole circus will be for your own money.
And secondly, there is no need to once again stir up the soul with all these daisies. He loves, does not love ... I will say cynically: if I had loved - all this would not have happened. Welcome to reality. I know it hurts. Calm down and survive. Life still goes on.
* * * * *
What to do:
-Sleep. Sleep as much as possible. You have stress, your body is in shock, sleep, gain strength.
Yes, and it's better than loitering around the apartment with a red muzzle, listening to "your music" and what the hell else.
Did you cry? Well done. And now sleep.
-If possible, it would be very good to invite someone close to stay with you for the first few days. The longer, the better. Someone close, silent, patient and economic.
Silent - because you will most likely talk a lot about all this, and someone should listen to this stream of consciousness without interrupting. And nod your head sympathetically.
Patient - because you will pronounce the same thing many times and in a circle.
And economic - because there must be someone who will take care of you and at least cook you something to eat. And then we know all this - the third day only liters of coffee and cigarettes, and even open the refrigerator - there is no strength, not to mention getting up to the stove.
From experience: you should not invite a cynical girlfriend. Well, you know, one of those who "what are you, found someone to kill yourself, forget this goat!".
She, of course, wants the best, tries to console (and in general she is right - forget the goat!), But ... now these conversations are past the cash register and only annoy.
Invite a cynical girlfriend in a couple of months, to the same bachelorette party. There she is - in the subject.
-Look for stories in which people are worse than you.
Have you been thrown? Rejoice that you are not pregnant, otherwise it happens ... Have you abandoned a pregnant woman? Be glad you're not with three kids. Dumped with three kids? Rejoice that there is somewhere to go, otherwise it happens ... Three children and nowhere to go? Rejoice that you are healthy, and your arms and legs are in place, otherwise it happens ...
Well, you get it, right?
(The ideal site is "kill mi pliz", from there the trash pops up!)
-Go.
Get up and go. Better not alone. Even better, if the same silent-patient, who is nearby, will pull you out into the people. In people - this is not a noisy party, everything will quickly tire you there, but just walking down the street back and forth. (That's if you don't go to work, of course.)
I understand that I want to pupate and dive into a dark hole. So be it - lie down in a hole for two days, and then get up and go. Through "I do not want" go. Count the crows, look at the cars, listen to the sounds, look at the people.
Ideal - go to the zoo market or pet store. Get distracted by something cute, lively and extremely cute.
-Write.
Make lists for the day. Write the smallest thing.
*get up and get dressed *wash dishes *take out the trash *take a pill *wash your hair...
A clear list of what you will do today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow.
Cross out what you have done and move on to the next one.
When emotions are pinning and the brain does not understand, life needs to be systematized as much as possible.
There is a very simple rationale here. At such moments, there is no strength to live, the resource of the body is extremely small, and usually it is only enough to somehow support life, and not to keep too much in mind.
So put yourself in fine-tuned mechanism mode.
In addition, this way you will stop focusing only on trouble, and slowly begin to get involved in the rhythm.
-Put it away.
Force yourself, say, to take inventory of the closet. They dumped everything on the floor and sorted it out. Even if slowly, spread over several days, it's even better. Throw out the old. Think about what's new. It's captivating.
Wash the bathroom to a shine, wipe the countertop, wash the glasses. Monotonous work calms.
-Shopping.
Anyway! And, I mean not even real shopping, running around the shops. Because large crowds of people can be annoying, and in general, in bad emotional states, you should not measure or buy something. To measure - because any little thing (it does not fit, for example) will upset, and to buy - because you are now a fool and can pretty much spend money on garbage. Lord, what state was I in when I bought a palette of raspberry-red-burgundy eyeshadows?!
Go shopping virtual. Climb the websites of brands, look at things, figure out what you would like. Make bookmarks, review, figure out how you would look like in this. Buy (in your thoughts) new boots, a blouse and jeans, look after yourself shadows, powder, earrings and a bag.
Virtually update the furniture in the apartment, after all. Change your wallpaper, bedroom, or even the apartment itself. Expand your kitchen.
Dream. Fantasize. Fly away.
- And if necessary, go to church.
Truth. I'm not kidding. I don’t know if it’s true, as in the song, “there are no atheists in the trenches under fire”, but when you are in pain, you always want to feel that someone or something is helping, or at least standing behind you. Even if not people, but higher powers. At least it's free. And not like with charlatans-fortune-tellers.
So get down. Find your saint, stay quiet, or talk to him about yourself. It really loosens up a bit.
And believe that every day it will be easier and easier. And then completely forgotten. And that's tested too, baby.
________
© Ekaterina Bezymyannaya
nevesta_iztesta“I don’t know why I’m writing to you now. Probably because your blog has recently given me some kind of hope and motivation. A couple of hours ago I made an environmentally friendly exit from a relationship with an insoluble conflict. I found a correspondence with another woman in a romantic way, and not I cursed. Quietly and sadly I found out that it was interesting and important for me to know, I told my husband that I still love him and for myself I had already decided for a long time. And I’m leaving so that he would think. And this was the first time he didn’t stop me. that he needed to think and let me go. But he took care and nobly slipped me money with him. And then he nevertheless caught up with me in the park, hugged me and escorted me to the minibus.
Now I’m sitting in a cafe, drinking tea, crying and thinking, thinking, why did I leave myself .. Of course, my husband already wrote “sorry. I’ll clear everything up in a couple of days. Write when you get there.”
And I'm afraid that the clarification will suddenly not be in my favor, and I tried to do everything to make him happy, and he admits that he is so mentally close and native person he did not and will not have that I am insanely beautiful and smart. But there, with that emotion he has, she gives vivid impressions, but they don’t work with me. And he was in that connection for more than six months, now he assures me that he has already parted with her for a couple of months. But he wants to understand what he needs more.
I want to say so much, to talk to someone... You can’t visit my mother, she will take it accusingly and make me stressed...
And I keep thinking .. How will my departure end. I so want to get me back ... And I wrote this in a note that I left on the table. "Return me." I'm sick and sick."
"Eco-friendly care" the girl did! But finally she poked with a rolling pin and squeezed her husband's head with maternity tongs. Well... just in case. Although eco-friendly care, kicks will not hurt. Suddenly without them will not come?
Everything about this story is great.
1. "I found a correspondence with another woman" - it's not very environmentally friendly anymore - to climb into a correspondence that you haven't been shown. Yes, sometimes this is a necessary measure, the protection of the territory, but it is far from the environment, nevertheless.
2. "Quietly and sadly I found out what was interesting and important for me to know" - i.e. interrogation staged with prejudice.
3. “I told my husband that I love and decided a long time ago. And I’m leaving so that he thinks” - that is, in fact, “even though you are cheating, I want to be with you, and I give you time to decide, but the answer should be yes, because I've already decided."
4. "The first time I didn't stop" - but saw that she was leaving with a person demanding to stop her. Moreover, she left many times and every time she had to be stopped.
5. "Stuck money" "spent on a minibus" - at least a trifle, but chop off. And the fact that he gave this little thing and saw him to the stop, now feels much more right and free, that's okay. Do not trifle, at least in the most important points life, you can't.
6. "I'm sitting, crying, waiting" - yes, the most important thing is to wait when leaving. It's better to wait on the mat under the door, the same thing, but easier to control.
7. I left a note on the table "Bring me back" - well ... this is a masterpiece. I haven't even seen this yet.
8. "I feel bad and hurt" - how should it be if this is a 100% bluff? If there was no intention to leave, but there was an intention to stop or catch up?
What's the point of all this cheap spectacle? If she whined, hinted, pulled investments, and most importantly, she finally left a note with an order and a plea to return it. So what is care?
Now you need to call your husband and scream: “Scoundrel! Why haven’t you returned me yet, I wrote to you. Are you completely crazy? Quick to be here, you have ten minutes, I’m in a cafe opposite our house.
This will be the normal chord of such care. In 90% of cases, this happens by the way, when people are bluffing so openly.
I won't even make an introduction here. The name speaks for itself. Please comment.
krolushka
"Hello Evolution!
I am writing to you in the hope that suddenly my letter will be noticed and published for analysis in the evolutionary laboratory. The situation for me is at the limit of my mental capabilities, I don’t know how I will get out of it and I don’t even know where to get out now.
My LiveJournal account is krolushka, but I haven't been doing LiveJournal for a long time, here's my link https://www.facebook.com/korofeya.
I am 30 years old, I was married, I divorced my husband almost exactly a year ago on my initiative, in an official divorce. I have from ex-husband I have a daughter, 2.5 years old. Here I will start, probably, from a year ago, in order to briefly outline the picture. I didn’t get married for love at one time, I just wanted a stable relationship, and they were for several years. After the birth of my child, I had postpartum depression, which provoked a big crisis in my relationship with my husband. And since I didn’t have love for him, the default grew rapidly, and I divorced. She was very happy about it.
Immediately after the break with my husband, I had an affair, but it ended (more precisely, it still drags on from his side, I have not had feelings and interest for a long time). After the relationship with this guy (let him be Petya) was broken off, I met a man, let's call him Vadim (not his real name). At the moment of starting a relationship with him, I thought a little more about that first one and hoped that he would return. Therefore, she was not in the mood for any kind of love at all and from the very beginning she offered sex-only.
Now I understand that it was a mistake. Suddenly, Vadim and I really liked each other (although I was not going to fall in love), we began to meet often, sympathy grew, sex got better. But after some time, he decided that he had nothing to catch in the city in terms of work, he had some kind of apathy about this, and he announced that he was leaving for the village to his homeland for an indefinite period. "
As usual. Sex got better and better and better, mutual sympathy grew, grew ... But he left for an indefinite period and in general he developed apathy.
"The village was not far, 2 hours drive from my city. And at first he came to me at least once a week. So far everything was fine, but from this place I started to roll into the minus. And he, most likely, cooled off In general, he is very similar to Pechorin in your description. It always seemed to me that at some point his feelings seemed to be chopped off sharply. And by that time I had fallen in love so that I just went crazy.
And even Petya's desire to return to me, who showed up here, was generally parallel to me. I was all in feelings for Vadim. At that time, everything was still fine with us, we fabulously went to my friend’s wedding in another city, we communicated wonderfully, and then Vadim told me at that wedding: “You are excellent in everything, but I am not meeting you out of love.” I don’t remember whether I confessed my love to him then or not, but it doesn’t matter: “I love” burned on my forehead with a hundred kilowatt backlight.
Yes, he is not a Pechorin, his feelings were not sharply cut off and there were never strong feelings, there was a certain sympathy that slowly faded away, it’s just that everything in your head was fabulous, wonderful, you communicated wonderfully, although he had long been from you escaped and sometimes visited out of habit. When a person directly says “I don’t like”, then everything is bad a long time ago, but you didn’t notice. Which means - you notice only yourself.
“Then everything began to get very bad. I went into a deep minus. He began to come less often, I begged for his visits. Which by this time had turned into a clear sex-only. But, naturally, I had a lot of illusions that he had feelings "I just didn't want to see anything, believed only in what I wanted to believe in, hoped for something incomprehensible in the most hopeless situation. I tried to leave, then I wrote myself, tried to return. He came when he had a clear sexual hunger, satisfied I didn't see him for another month, but I saw some feelings everywhere.
So several months passed. I was constantly very hurt, and with my mind I understood that nothing good would end one way or another. I tried to look for anesthesia for myself (not only in illusions, they were gigantic, of course). Men have always helped me in my life. That is, communication with them always gave me drive, so I began to actively initiate other relationships with different men, both parallel and perpendicular. If only not to go completely crazy, to forget in moments. It was bad and very rare to get lost with them, but it was a proven method, and I had to fill the void in Vadim's absence with something (I have other hobbies, but they didn’t help so well). At that time, my life was somewhat reminiscent of a series like "Treason." And for everyone I had at least a little sympathy, always, absolutely without emotions, I can’t with anyone. Probably, it still pulled me out of the minus a little.
Well anyway.
"That's how I met Andrei in November. He was not the only one with me at that time. But he attracted me because the man was almost perfect from all sides. Handsome, courageous (even brutal), a former athlete, a beautiful figure, many male hobbies, writes poetry, sings, has his own musical group. And also very smart, intellectual conversations at first brought us together the most. I met him simply because he is so cool, well, it’s impossible to pass by. The fact that he is hardened a bachelor who openly declares that he does not marry for sure, that he is a womanizer, and from school women follow him in herds, did not bother me. Because there were no feelings, he did not bother me much. I was still with Vadim in my thoughts.
Andrey and I slept through meetings with the third or fourth, I liked the sex, but you know, somehow I reacted to consumerism - a cool man, I need to fuck him in any way, which I did. And since he himself, and I liked sex with him, I began to maintain relations somehow so neither shaky nor rolls. At that time, Andrei liked me more than I liked him. Because he blamed me for eternal employment, that we rarely meet, etc. (I was surprised at such passages).
I broke everything New Year. Before NG on December 30, Vadim appeared, once again caused me severe pain and dumped me. I met NG alone, in tears with a bottle of champagne. The holidays were terrible, I was in a terrible depression. Somehow, all my gentlemen disappeared at the same time, and I was not in the mood to communicate. And Andrei went to his relatives in another city, during the holidays he also took up his hobbies.
But when he returned and we met, I realized that he somehow warmed up even more towards me, said that he missed me very much, thought about me. I was surprised. And then there was some kind of “magic” moment, a moment of revelation or something, very sincere, when I realized that he was close to me, I really like him a lot, etc. It will sound grandiloquent, but such a moment, as if the souls touched.
You again confused the fluttering of your soul with something common, mutual. The experience with Vadim taught you nothing. Just understand in advance to yourself that you do not know how to understand how the other feels. When you learn, immediately life will begin to confirm this, you will never make a mistake. And now you don’t know how and don’t trust your illusions. You were busy with Vadim, so Andrey was not bothered, he stretched a little more, but a little, not much. As soon as you shifted all your attention to him, everything, he became too much. And you flew from minus with Vadim to minus with Andrey. Not immediately, but surely.
“Somewhere at that time I was given a link to your LiveJournal, I read it, saw a terrible picture of my relationship with Vadim, experienced the collapse of my illusions. And wrote him a message refusing to meet further. I still don’t understand from your LiveJournal, but what kind of ecology is there? There was such hopelessness that it was necessary to run away for a long time, any departure was a boon for me).
And I began to get involved in a relationship with Andrei, we began to meet, unlike before, more often than before, we spent almost weeks constantly sleeping together - either with me or with him. Everything was wonderful, literally everything. He introduced me to friends and family. His mother liked me (he said).
Then he motivated me to buy one rather exotic musical instrument (I have a little musical education and some abilities). It was made for me, we began to actively deal with it together. He generally wants me to play in his band, he really wants to."
It is impossible to write an eco-friendly letter when you are not asked for anything, but for some reason you are writing and reporting something that you are not asked about.
"And then a situation arose. His ex showed up and wants to return him, and he himself wants to give her a chance (according to him -" I have wanted just such changes in her for so long, and now it seems as if they happened in her, " he wants to try it). maybe I know the theory, but in practice, as you can see)), but he found something), my talents (it was he who repeatedly said that I was some kind of talented, although I used my abilities with some direct talents I don't think so). And yet - this instrument. He wants it in his group, and he wants it complete with me, because he sees that I will succeed and the appearance is needed - for the image of the group."
You so carefully collect what he said good to you, as if it were a casket of your soul, where you put some candy wrappers from donated cheap sweets, some dried petals of a flower he accidentally plucked for you. It's all nonsense, all your treasures. Stop using them all the time, they're rubbish. Compliments, handouts, stroking are merciful. Even if he didn’t say a kind word to you, he actually slept with you. It's not an animal.
“He himself told about the former, and I decided to apply the “classic” scheme ... Moreover, I was ready for the fact that we would part forever. Yes, I fell in love with him, but I could not afford to exist in the hell that he offered: he means , will choose between us, and again I will look for my self-esteem somewhere under my feet?
I confessed my love to Andrei, he was very happy and pleased, said that he had not heard such words for 6 years. Then she said that we would now communicate as friends only and on business (on the topic of music), that's all, no more sex, no hugs, nothing. It will be difficult for me, but I can. And when he decides something, then we'll see.
But on the same day, my decision went to hell, because although he agreed, he arranged the situation in such a way that we ended up at his house (on business, exclusively on business, yeah). And I don’t know how to resist him internally at all, and I myself am very drawn to him, I really want to be as close as possible. Well, I love him, in a different way ... As a result, of course, sex, everything is beautiful, soulful, heartbreaking.
Is not classical scheme. I formulated this, but I'm not a classic yet. It's just that many people intuitively do it, who are properly internally organized.
But the scheme cannot be implemented while remaining side by side. This is a trololo, not a scheme. Parody.
“In the morning I told him that it was the last time, then only friendship. He said again like okay. I began to think and realized that it was impossible. he will raise an eyebrow, provoke, pull - and again I will find myself in bed, I will not resist. I made a difficult decision to sacrifice music, my instrument. I decided on a complete break. I called him to my house for a minute, went out with an instrument, handed it over and said: " I love you, this is my gift to you, and I'm leaving." And she turned to leave, but he did not let me. I was very determined, but he literally broke me.
Made me stay. He says everything will be as you want. If you want to be friends, if you can't be friends, we won't be friends. I, he says, need much more time to sort out feelings, to understand, to decide, you must give me this time. It is possible that I will choose you. I need you. And like, I SHOULD stay straight. I say, in the end, all the same, everything will end badly for me, worse than if I leave now, the cat’s tail, I say, they don’t cut into pieces. I love, I say, you, it hurts me, it’s bad, and it will be even worse in the hell that you offer. He: No, everything will be fine. And how - it is not clear, he does not specify it in principle ... Do not leave, he says, and that's it, this is a big mistake and stupidity. Well, in general, we stood there for a long time at the entrance, I sobbed into 10 streams, and he broke me.
You weren't determined, you wanted to be stopped. It's a nice move with an instrument, but if you were really thinking about how to get away, you wouldn't risk it like that. We would hide from him. You have not fully understood how exactly this "part to win" shifter works. It works on those feelings that a person still has. It is from these feelings that he feels a strong panic when he loses and begins to think and miss you every day and look for you. It takes a few days without you, but with thoughts of you, then something changes.
Therefore, it was important to run away, and not stand nearby and shed tears in streams, giving him the opportunity to look at this crying woman and think about why it is needed, compare it with the one that is needed more, and make a choice in its favor.
The fact that he held you and persuaded you is a good sign. So some feelings and unwillingness to lose you remained in him. It could be used and some kind of significance could be grown from it. But you momentary was more expensive. It’s better for you now a little bit, let it be alms, but keep it in your fist. Well... hold on.
“I didn’t get any “classics” ... * oops, I somehow turned out. Now I’m just at the border of my mental capabilities, I myself don’t know what my soul rests on ... I’m just horrified by what will happen next. I don’t have the strength to the second minus, there is no force on the triangle with his former.
I want to do music, but not at such a price.
If suddenly I'm lucky and you parse the letter: what should I do? How can I not reach a madhouse or a noose around my neck. I can’t, my heart is already sewn up, re-sewn, there are only open wounds, and there is nothing to close them. How can I get out of this situation alive?"
Well, how to get out? Tell him what you write to me: "I'm afraid to reach a madhouse or a loop if I'm nearby. Let me go, let me wait for your decision somewhere apart from you, not to see you. You break my heart." And stop talking to him. So you will not let him gradually wean from you, calmly transfer you to the friend zone. Suffer, get bored, you look and come with more serious intentions, there is a chance. Well, you save yourself a little, and then restore. Pain is not the worst thing, the worst thing is to be without will and strength, to be stuck in the red for years. With Vadim, you at least continued to communicate with men, but here you will find yourself all alone, you will just look at him like a dog and wait.
But what to expect? What will he appreciate this bent figure, forcedly smiling at him? No, it is better to remain in his memory as a passionate, but strong, beautiful girl. If you understand that collecting crumbs under the table is in no way more profitable than leaving, on the contrary, leaving will be no more difficult than staying. While you think that you can stay, collect crumbs, humiliate yourself and get love for it, it's hard for you to leave.
Take it only if it makes a choice in your favor.
But it is, theoretically. And practically, a clear horseradish, you will act as far as your mind and strength are enough.
https://evo-lutio.livejournal.com/601702.htmlI will list the main mistakes that people make when they leave the plus.
These mistakes are especially noticeable when a woman with children leaves.
If a man leaves a family with children, he usually tries to maintain normal relations with his wife.
It turns out far from always, even rarely, yes. In order to part beautifully, you need to have good boundaries.
However, most husbands are still afraid to leave their wife with children, they are aware of the severity of their act (because of the children) and its consequences.
But women leaving the plus often do not think about the environment at all.
What is ecology? This is concern for the future.
The concern is not about the happiness of someone else, but about your own happiness in the future. Right now, at the moment, all this doesn’t matter to you, something else interests you, but tomorrow will come and you will regret that you acted so frivolously or cruelly. This is the meaning of ecology. And not in moralism, as some think.
Being environmentally friendly means thinking about the future, not about the momentary.
Here, women leaving a big plus often treat their hateful husband like Anna treats Karenin. Her husband is disgusting from head to toe and she wants him to fall through the ground. His nobility infuriates no less than his meanness. He's completely pissed off.
This is especially true for women who leave for another man. Children are with her, her husband is an obstacle to happiness, happiness is a new man.
Any words of the husband that the children are common are perceived by many women with annoyance.
Well, guess what, kids. Take them for the weekend, if you want to communicate so much, study with them. Provide them. That's the whole conversation. And what does she and her personal happiness have to do with it?
You didn't make it, so shut your mouth now.
If a woman with children does not go to another man, but simply, forward to freedom, she is also often cruel to her unloved husband.
Women are generally quite cruel to those on whom they do not depend. Now, if they depend, yes, there is kindness, and compassion, and even spirituality. Only, given the dependence, the price of this is worthless.
Real kindness is manifested only when you do not depend on a person. You are not dependent in any way, either financially or morally. And here it often turns out that when a woman is completely independent (on the contrary, she seeks to get rid of it quickly), her cruelty knows no bounds. (Men are also like that, mostly, but a little more often they remain generous in relation to women who are no longer needed).
To make it easier to break away from an ex-husband, many wives resort to active devaluation. Something like a box is placed on the table, but not for collecting romantic trifles, but, on the contrary, for collecting everything bad. Everything that has ever been said, done, or, conversely, not said, not done, begins to be remembered and put into this box. That's when he got drunk, then offended, then he flirted with another, but here he didn't help, didn't support, didn't understand. His callousness, greed, irascibility, cowardice, everything goes into the anti-box, everything is carefully cleansed of dust and oblivion. There same - bad sex. Rarely wanted or vice versa too often and insisted on more. These are all crimes that cannot be forgiven.
Having convinced herself that the unnecessary husband was guilty on all sides and that you can not be delicate with him, the woman declares her desire to divorce.
And for a man it can be a bolt from the blue.
Even though this sky has not been clear for a long time, most husbands are still sure that their wife will not just leave.
Men are accustomed to thinking that it is they who often run away to another, and if they don’t run away, then the family is almost not in danger. You can survive all quarrels, endure cooling, but stay together and not change your usual way of life. Therefore, the news that now his children will live separately and possibly with another man, most men perceive as a shock.
And many women experience a vindictive feeling when they see the shock of their husband. This is revenge for the fact that her treasure was not appreciated, treated without any trepidation, sometimes even rudely. The strong compete openly, and the weak always take revenge on the sly, and this notorious and vaunted female weakness turns into the fact that women secretly hate their husbands who offend them and, at the right moment, take revenge on them with pleasure.
It is very important to reflect on the desire for revenge, women, when you leave the plus. It is very important to part with your husbands in an environmentally friendly way.
If you made a decision mutually and amicably, it is almost a guarantee that your marriage really has come to an end. Nothing binds you anymore, you are both ready to part, and your parting is not a bad decision, because the distance will allow you to treat each other even better, with respect and warmth, be friends and be good parents to your children.
This is one of the options for an eco-friendly separation, but many women wait in vain for their husband, in response to their decision to leave immediately, on command, to want it too. After all, he is not a decoration that changes depending on your needs, he is a separate subject. Sometimes the desire to divorce the spouses coincides, but most often not. And if your husband is completely unprepared for a divorce and believes that your marriage can and should be saved, you must follow the rules of an eco-friendly separation if you do not want problems in the future.
The main thing to remember is that if you go to another person, you are declaring war on the abandoned one.
Leaving for another or another is a betrayal. If you are a man, when you leave for another woman, you treacherously take away to her what your wife considered common and belonged to your children: your resources. And if you are a woman, then leaving for another man, you take your children with you, that is, you literally ruin and even partially burn the territory of your spouse.
This does not mean that it is impossible to go to another or to another. It is possible, but one must be fully aware of what is happening with the former.
You commit an act of betrayal and declare war on him. I urge you not to replace these honest words with others, they reflect the essence. If you are afraid of such words, your knees begin to shake, this is not a reason to convince yourself that everything is really wrong. So.
Understanding this fully, you can compensate for the betrayal and cancel the declaration of war. Otherwise, you just close your eyes to it and that's it.
How to compensate for betrayal?
First of all, you must express gratitude to the one you are leaving. Don't neglect it. You must remember all the good things that he did for you and voice some of them. You need to remember more so that your look acquires warmth and you stop looking with disgust or annoyance. You can voice a part. Infantile people, on the contrary, wind themselves up on everything bad in order to "easily break away", they think about their momentary relief, and not about the environment. It is environmentally friendly to express gratitude to your spouse if it is you who leave him, and not he you.
That is, any (any) conversation about divorce (parting on your initiative) should begin with an expression of gratitude. No complaints whatsoever!! Only with gratitude. Moreover, you should not even think about claims, otherwise it will be expressed in your words and reflected on your face. Think gratitude.
Some people think that this makes it difficult to leave. It actually makes it easier. If you express claims, the person thinks that you have specific wishes that he is ready to satisfy. That is, you tell him: you were cold, or you tell her: you never understood me. And your spouse thinks: it's my fault, I can change and we will succeed! And he begins to tearfully persuade you to stay.
And when you express gratitude, the spouse understands well that the point is not in his actions, the point is that your love has completely passed and you have considered the decision.
So express gratitude first. Say that it was an important and very good time when you were together, you appreciate it, you are attached to it as a human being, you hope to always remain friends. But you want to end the marital relationship.
If you are not sure that you want a divorce (more often this concerns men, women are usually sure if they leave), then say that you just want to live separately and then you can see.
Justify why you need to separate or divorce. But by no means complain. Don't say you're leaving because you're bored or fed up with scandals. When your locus slips and you shift the responsibility to your spouse, he will naturally try to hold you back. He threatens you or begs you, but you yourself put the responsibility on him. Correct the locus and say that there are no complaints about him at all, the whole point is that you need to get out of marital relations with him, you do not want to remain married. Justify this by saying that you need radical changes in your life, you want to change everything, you need to end the marriage contract.
If your spouse is aware that you already have another or another, do not refuse, but do not support this topic either. This is your own business. Never discuss your new partners with your husband or wife. This is bad for both sides. And with new partners, do not discuss those you are leaving. These are the basics of eco-friendly behavior, it will save you from a lot of problems. Learn to keep within the boundaries and the boundaries will always protect you. Don't gossip, gather or spread rumors, and never (never) hang your own dirty laundry and especially those of your loved ones. It's almost the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Sometimes people hang up their dirty laundry profusely, fearing that another will do it. They seem to offer their own version, so that there is an alternative. This is very stupid behavior. Keep silent. Let others do the hanging up of their own and your dirty laundry if they want, and you take care of your self-respect. Do you understand, friends, why this is important and why everything that others say about you concerns not you, but them, while you are silent?
The main thing you should say to the person you are leaving is that you remain a friend to him (even if he does not accept this friendship yet, you will be waiting). If you have children in common, promise that you can be counted on in everything at any time. If the children stay with you, promise their father that he will have free access to them, that all decisions about the children will be made jointly.
Just don't think that you Right words will immediately make such a conversation easy, and the outcome quick.
Of course not. And you don't have to count on it.
If divorce is your initiative, for the second one it is a violent invasion of his territory. He considers your marriage - his territory, he will protect it. You can be sure that you will hear accusations, and requests, and perhaps even curses. The better the boundaries of your spouse, the more beautiful he will behave, but it all depends on his attachment to you and the children. It may be that even a person with good boundaries will lose all settings. You must help him correct them, and this can only be done by staying within the boundaries.
You must listen to everything he wants to tell you, but not indulge in retaliatory accusations. Agree with his accusations or just listen to them. Don't object or object with short "you're wrong", "no, I didn't mean it". Promise him/her compensation where possible. For example, if we are talking about money spent on you, promise to return it. But this is if you agree with the accusations, if you do not agree, just listen. If you have not kept any promises you made earlier, try to keep them or say that you will look for a way.
The more respectful you are in your first conversation and in all subsequent conversations, the more you win. And the faster. Faster than otherwise.
Do not let yourself be scared or bent, but if during the conversation you have doubts that your decision is final, you can back up and offer to return to your old life for now. But make sure you didn't do it out of fear or instilled guilt. In case you yourself are confused, ask them to give you a little time to think.
Usually, the minus spouse does not want to give time, on the contrary, he is interested in actively pressing and persuading. Ask to give you time, promise that you yourself will initiate a conversation after a while. Ask for comfortable conditions. Ask, don't demand. It is you who initiated the divorce, you must ask (!).
Many people think that asking is an unnecessary humiliation, that it is their personal right to get up and go anywhere, because they are free individuals.
No.
If there are no common children and common property, you are relatively free, but even then, it is better to part in an environmentally friendly way, and not look at the once close person as an empty place, cruelty will cost you dearly. If you have children, do not even think that you can get up and leave, you are connected with your spouse and you must take into account the fact that he does not want to part with you, he does not want to give you the territory in which he has invested too much of himself .
Note. Ecology lies in the fact that you do not sacrifice your desire, you realize it, but you do not realize it rudely and selfishly, you take into account the resistance of the second, understand it and sympathize. Imagine that you want to get out of bed, and the second sleeps, hugging you. You can just throw him away and get up, even if he falls out of bed in his sleep, but that's if you are a bad person. If you are a good person, you will very carefully remove his hand from you, then carefully remove your leg, you will straighten the pillow, you will cover him with a blanket. Why hurt a person and show him your contempt? After all, he is alive and you lived together for some time of your common life, and if you try to completely cross it all out, it will certainly backfire on you. At the moment, he is more dependent on you, you are stronger, but this will not always be the case. And if you behave unecologically, you will soon become weak.
To get out of a relationship carefully and carefully, you need to understand well what exactly scares your spouse. Not only the loss of you scares him, most likely not even so much. Women, losing a husband, are usually afraid of material problems and a state of insecurity. Promise your wife good financial assistance to the children and her, or better not just promise, but provide some guarantees, and she will let you go easier. Men are terribly afraid of shame and humiliation (therefore, they can go to violence and revenge, which give a sense of self-affirmation). Promise that you will not say a bad word about him, that you will never discuss him with a new partner (if he knows about a new partner) and with mutual acquaintances. You can promise that you will behave very decently and restrainedly and he will not hear any gossip about your new personal life in the coming year. Treat with understanding the fears of a person, show that you understand him and will take into account everything that worries him, and you will see an amazing thing.
Your spouse may very quickly realize that it's better to leave like this, peacefully, while maintaining partial control over you, than to declare war on you. He may hope to get back together with you later, so he will be more willing to make concessions. You will part as friends, even if the war has already begun.
And you yourself will leave much calmer than if you insult him at parting.
Don't act like mad devils and you won't have to live in hell.
Have you ever separated from your spouse? Eco friendly?
Who understands what a non-environmentally friendly separation is fraught with? List all consequences. I'll tell you about it later. It's going to be a scary topic.
Here is a girl who wrote a letter about her incredible, inhuman suffering. In general, when you read about inhuman suffering healthy person(not a cancer patient), not from the loss of a child who did not return from the war or fire, shorter than an ordinary person in ordinary life or catch yourself writing how you die and perish, you can be sure that this is from a focus on egocentrism. Yes, you are subjectively very bad, but this is a focus on yourself. Get a little distracted by the problems of other people, their troubles and needs, and you will immediately feel better. This is exactly the situation when volunteering helps and simple physical labor for the benefit of society. The degree of suffering immediately drops. Proven for centuries.
No, you're not lying, you really suffer a lot. I even saw people actually dying from such suffering. That is, there are no problems, but subjectively, in the human world, this is a disaster, and he dies. He ends up committing suicide (not even having clinical depression) or simply brings himself up. The body cannot withstand a strong incandescence of egocentrism, it collapses. So before it's too late, you need to distract yourself from yourself. For anything, from myself, better for someone real, alive, in need of simple help. And it will be easier.
I didn't invent it, it's known.
I will parse the girl's letter, although I was loaded with her heart-rending pleas. Actually, according to the exhaustion and tearing emotionality, it is clear what her problem is. She begs to parse the letter, violating the rules (the account is 1.5 months old), but this girl has been commenting on me for a long time and all of you have seen her here. And for me, the term of the account is important so that the letter does not look like a fake. So that everyone can see living people behind him, even if writing man came up with something. This is not so important. Anyway, I'm here to analyze typical cases.
holy_echidna
"Dear Evolution, good afternoon!
I deliberately break the rules, my account is only 1.5 months old, and I dared to write you a letter. I understand that this is hard egocentrism on my part, and I risk being removed from the group, but now I am in such an inadequate state that I have little idea what I am doing and why. I understand that I am setting a bad precedent with my letter, because if everyone came to you with their problems, you would only deal with letters. I am ashamed, but now I am as pathetic as a tattered cat, some kind of line of humiliation seems to have been passed and I am under anesthesia.
If you still have a desire to read to the end, I will be grateful to you immensely! If my letter was still considered in the rubric, and you and your friends commented on it, it would be just incredible luck for me, because. I completely lost my self-criticism, it seems.
Now I'm not quite adequate, I seem to have lost my mind, and the reason for this is my own stupidity and selfishness. It's about the man, of course. My story is banal and boring. It is not banal only by the number of my inadequate and stupid mistakes that I managed to make.
Let's stop right away. You are trying to "make no mistake", thinking that the strategy will help, that one strategy does not work, and the other will work. This is not true at all. The strategy makes sense only if it coincides with some internal motives and activates your own will, organizes you. There are many strategies, all can be useful to someone and work for someone. If there is logic in the strategy, then it is working.
When a person starts a hurdy-gurdy that somewhere there are some harmful books, ideas, articles, but now he has found the right one, he will soon cry again, how harmful it is. This is the fate of those who seek the leader.
So look for the leader in yourself, in yourself.
“A year ago I met a man, I will call him S. He was beautiful, really! I immediately realized that this was mine, dear, I fell in love. He is a typical Onegin. Now I understand that Onegin, but then I didn’t know anything like that. A wonderful man - 36 years old, never married and never been, had several relationships with girls.He is kind, caring, honest, but very closed, he said that he was looking for serious relationship and wants sex only for love. I am 31. I have never had a serious relationship, and when I met S., I realized that this was my future husband, I felt it in my heart and really wanted (fool)!"
You write "fool", but instead of "it seemed to me" - "I understood", that is, you still think that a man is very suitable for you?
He doesn't need you, but he suits you. He is your own, and you are a complete stranger to him.
See for yourself the scale of your illusions.
“We started dating, or rather not dating, but just walking around. As I already wrote, I didn’t have a serious relationship, and by the age of 30 I realized that something was wrong with me, I even went to remove damage from grandmas.)) I read there is a lot of literature for women on how to make a man fall in love with you.And in one book I came across this concept: men should not show their feelings, you should not agree to dates if he offers him in last moment, you need to be nice, but cold, do not initiate anything. And since I have already tried a lot of things to improve my personal life (and yoga, and meditation, and grandmas, and psychoanalysis, and generic attitudes, etc.), I decided that the book makes sense, especially since all my friends think so . (In general, Evolution, this is amazing! I only read about the fact that men need to talk about love from you, but the opinion of the people is the opposite, many ladies (rapunzels) believe that the worse it is with a man, the better). And so, armed with new knowledge, I went hunting for the man of my dreams. Strange, but he himself initiated the meeting! The advice is working, I was happy!"
I did not write that all men should talk about love. If you have already zadolbali, do not torture your love. I talked about love is worth saying (saying, not talking) if you fall in love and sleep with a man. To say it, but in such a way that it does not turn into tongs and the sword of Damocles. I didn't come up with this. This is what sincere people have been doing since time immemorial. And the fact that you have always been so insincere is not the fault of the books.
The book "Rules" that you are writing about is a normal book, there is a lot of useful stuff in it, if you understand it correctly. It’s really not worth it to agree to a date if you got a call an hour before, if the relationship with the man is not very close, and you are not a fisherwoman (fisherwomen are knee-deep in the sea, they can break all the “rules” for fish). In general, running after a stranger while a man and sticking to him is a bad "strategy". The "rules" are aimed at restoring women's self-respect. Of course, they do not help frostbitten Rapunzels. They are so passive. They help active Velcro.
“There was only one thing: he himself called me on dates, but did not touch me in any way, did not hug, did not kiss, did not hold the hand. I myself was also afraid to initiate something (the herring is frozen, stupid), As a result, after 1.5 months of such meetings, I arranged a showdown, bludgeoned him with a rolling pin. I asked why he doesn’t even touch me, doesn’t hold my hand, are we friends? He said no, not friends, I really, really like me, but he’s not ready yet, he wants so that everything develops slowly. I then agreed, decided not to put pressure. But after this conversation, he began to cool down, and I started to stick."
It seems that you still believe that you "really, really liked."
Didn't like you. Maybe as a friend. And after the rolling pin, they began to like it even less. Instead of a rolling pin, you could try something pleasant, invite, treat, seduce, traditional in general, but not the fact that it would have turned out. What could be the strategy here? Yes, you just had to drop it. Modestly. You didn't like it, you have to dump it. That's the whole strategy.
Minnows have such a great chance to please on the first evening, on the second, on the third. So you can't be frozen. No sooner had the train left. Look for another.
“Then there was another month and a half of the same meetings. I was already burning with desire, tried to stroke him, touch him, put my hands under his T-shirt and stroked his chest, he said that he was pleased that this had not happened to anyone for a long time, but then it didn't work, I was confused!
I terribly wanted him, but I didn’t want to push, because I thought that we would be together all our lives! No matter how! One evening, my discontent erupted in a stormy stream, I yelled that he didn’t like me at all, that he was an icicle, that he didn’t notice me at all, I tried to take his hand when we walked down the street, and he just shied away, He said that I put pressure on him all the time. He left that evening, saying that I ruined everything. I started texting endless apologies, I really felt guilty. He wrote me a message in which he accused me of spoiling everything myself and he’s probably right!) that I’m an unbearable bitch with a terrible character, that he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I humiliated myself, wrote to him until he blocked me everywhere. I almost died then, I thought I would go out the window, I suffered a lot. She blamed herself and ate food for her terrible temper. On this, the first stage of our “relationship” ended and the second began.
Because of your self-confidence and unwillingness to admit that he does not like you, he does not want you at all, you are in trouble. It’s more pleasant for you to think that the strategy failed, that you did the wrong thing, behaved wrongly, and everything went fine.
But nothing was going anywhere. It was smarter to quietly dump, but you screamed like a fool, as if he owes you to want you. But the conclusion in any case - he wants nothing. And you concluded - he really wants to, and I ruined everything. Why do you need it? In order not to part with the illusion that you are beautiful? No, you are not beautiful in his eyes. And they were never beautiful.
“After 4 months, he suddenly congratulated me on Ng, wrote SMS, I didn’t answer, because I had already cooled down. A month later, he wrote in a messenger so that I wouldn’t be angry, he was ashamed of my behavior. I replied that I wasn’t angry, that, he was probably right and offered friendship (what a fool I am!!) He wrote that it was excellent, he himself wanted to offer friendship!
This was a fatal mistake on my part. I began to roll into the minus immediately again, and after 3 days I already wrote to him that I really want to see him. He was freezing, I wrote more and more hysterical SMS, accused him of parting, but offered a meeting. Was not adequate, in short."
He felt guilty, he wanted to make amends. It is inconvenient that he is a little impotent (pornodrocher more precisely), and the girl suffered. That's why I decided to be friends with you. Well, you clung of course like a hungry.
"At this stage, I realized that I was crazy and I needed to do something with myself urgently. I began to scour the Internet and came across your blog. Eureka! That was what I needed! After reading about the ecological separation, I decided that I would still write the first to him, because before that I had not told him about my love, but I was so bursting, and after my tantrums, he might not write more.I decided not to wait.
I wrote that I realized that I loved him all this time, but I don’t want to torment him anymore. He replied that now he has problems (the dog is sick) and he has nothing to do, that as soon as the problems are over we will immediately see each other. In short, he sluggishly held me. Failed to leave. I decided to support him, because he loves his dog very much, and is very worried about him. They began to correspond again about the dog at first, then I went on vacation. He asked to send a photo, he wrote that as soon as I arrive, I need to see. I replied that I didn’t need to see each other, because I love, but he doesn’t, he again began to pull, to say, come on, let’s see you, why not? Hope blossomed within me. I tossed. She herself refused to meet several times, then she herself offered. He began to fall into inadequacy and again write how much I love him.
We read about eco-friendly care and rushed to the attack with tongs.
Eco-friendly care is to dump quietly, silently, without touching the boundaries of a person. You only need to open your mouth if the person himself asks: why don't you want to meet with me anymore? And if you do not ask, silently. That's what eco-friendly care is, I'm already tired of explaining to Velcro that you don't need to write hysterical letters and burst in with your fat dots at the ready when you decide to leave. Leave modestly. Without drums, fireworks, fanfares and a mourning orchestra for the whole district.
“Now he already refused the meeting, he said that I was right that I didn’t want to communicate, it would probably be easier for me that he really likes me, but he is afraid of me and my scandals, that someday he might want a relationship, but I managed to crawl away and not write to him for three weeks, during which time I would take care of myself a little and calm down.
After reading in your blog about the tactics of defrosting Onegin (and of course not understanding anything properly))), I decided to act actively. Invite him myself, wrote that he is the best, that I miss and want to see. He got colder and colder."
If you don't understand, you might as well not mention it now. But you are so eager to engage in public masochism that you do not think how unpleasant it is for me to read that you did not understand anything. It's the same with you and men. They are busy with their self-deprecation (a kind of strong egocentrism), and they don’t care about their comfort. You probably think that other people are elevated when you are humiliated. And on the contrary, they think: how dumb it is with her.
The fact that Onegins are not defrosted by aggressive attacks of a person unpleasant to them, even to repeat laziness.
“Then I couldn’t stand it and wrote again that we could meet, he was freezing, and said that he didn’t want a relationship, but just wanted to be friends. I was already completely inadequate, agreed to be friends, thought at least somehow at the meeting to soften him. Use this chance to give him some kind of care, to show my love at last.Again, she herself made an appointment, he agreed, but in the end, the day before, when I clarified whether everything was in order, he froze, stopped answering at all. This is what you wrote about in a post about humiliation, I wrote him 20 messages in which I wrote that I love, that I tired him, that I need to release him, that I am a terrible egoist.My locus finally moved out, I sobbed and wrote to him that let him say straight out that we won’t have anything, that he writes that he likes me and wants to see me. And he immediately pushes me away, asked him to ban me everywhere and give a clear answer. "
Yes, out of compassion and guilt, he tells you that he likes you.
Let men honor and never lie out of pity.
Men are afraid to say honestly, it seems to them that “you don’t like = you are ugly”, they are afraid that this will kill the girl, break them, they are afraid to be responsible for her injury. And you latched on to it. "You like" is something like "I love animals, even garbage pigeons." This does not mean that you want to have such a dove at home.
“He wrote that he doesn’t want anything with me, that I’m not his person at all, that I have a terrible character, he doesn’t even want to try something, because he only expects bad things with me, but he loves himself, and so that I find another fool that you can humiliate. to change myself for him. In short, I humiliated myself terribly, completely lost myself. I fell so low and something broke in me, as if some kind of spring stuck and I wrote more and more messages that no one needed. He banned me everywhere, and I left with a hole in her heart.
Evolution, what should I do? The feeling of guilt just destroys me! I can't forgive myself for being such a dumbass! I myself spoiled everything, tortured him terribly, I myself pushed away the person with whom I wanted to live my whole life. I don't know how to collect myself now. I hate myself and blame - this is a terrible burden. I cry all day and can't forgive myself. I don't have to wait for a comeback after this, right? Will he show up in my life again? How to reassemble yourself from the fragments? It seems to me that I have never loved and will never love, I am broken.
Thank you for your blog, it helps even fools like me!
Sincerely."
What did you mess up? Do you think you could marry this man? Except in the next life. He didn't like you at first. Quite almost. What's another comeback? Unless he is neurotic and after a while he will begin to suffer from guilt. But it won't be a comeback.
The problem is yours, if you are interested in my opinion, inadequate self-esteem, completely inadequate. You had no doubt that he liked you very much, although he did not even want to touch. And you were so sure that when reality hit you, they started yelling at him suddenly and he was afraid of such a drastic change. It always happens when solid illusions suddenly fail. In general, an unexpected outburst of emotions is always associated with a weakening of mental defenses. If you saw reality, then you would understand that you don’t like it, it wouldn’t be a surprise, and there would be nothing to yell about.
Take care of the image. It's very tight here. In the gym, swing, individual trainer, squats with dumbbells, that's it. Because such illusions are dense only when there is a big hole in the image. When a person in reality does not like himself very much, does not love his body (hence your hatred of yourself now), cannot accept it at all, then such a dense cap of illusions, impenetrable.
Because of this, you don’t work out with men, because of this you behave inappropriately, attack a person too emotionally with compliments and confessions. You cannot accept your real image. And here it is better to change something in reality. Your ego is weak, so you can’t cheat on your normal self-esteem in any other way. Start with the body.
Well, help people, relatives or strangers. Otherwise, you will only sit and think how unhappy you are, how much it hurts you.
Friends, comment on the girl's letter too.
And at the same time I propose to analyze the sensations from yesterday's game. Does anyone have anything to say?