Uninvited guests: what to do with them and how to avoid them. Why can't you clean up when someone has left? I came to you forever to settle

Playing the hospitable host or hostess quickly gets boring if you invite people who begin to abuse your hospitality day by day. I would like to believe that this is just an unfortunate misunderstanding on their part, and that a polite reminder will get them to leave. But some guests seem to never take hints. Knowing how to treat guests who have come to perceive your home as a hotel is the most valuable skill in the host's arsenal.

Steps

Set boundaries and stay sane

Specify the time frame in the invitation. Prevention is the key. Clearly indicate when the stay in your home begins and ends, whether the guest comes for dinner or stays the night. In any case, it will help you keep your good name if you have to show people the door.

Make a schedule. This is especially relevant if the guest is visiting for a holiday/holiday. Make a tight schedule of joint classes, and save at least one item for the end. Whether you're saving the best for last or just wanting to relax on your last day, the key is to write out a plan of action so that it's convenient to hint to the guest that their stay is over.

• If you're throwing a party but haven't been able to set boundaries ahead of time, a short phrase, "I think that's enough," from the host's point of view should show that the party has come to an end.

1. Never forget to take time for yourself. It doesn’t matter how long a guest stays (but especially if for a long period), always take time to relax alone in own house. The main thing is to warn the guest about this in advance so that there are no misunderstandings. Let him know when you usually go to bed and when you wake up so he doesn't interrupt your sleep.

   • Also consider clearly defining the places in the house where the guest can be. You will most likely feel embarrassed or annoyed if you find it in your bathroom (if you have two) when you didn’t even think to clean it.
   • As a last resort, you can buy him tickets to a concert or other event outside the home. Try to honestly say that you need to be at home alone, even if only for a little while.

2. Don't let the desire to be a good host make you feel uncomfortable. Make it a rule to be a bad host only when bad guests arrive. But whether it's early morning or late evening, you may not always have the urge to play maid or concierge. Clearly and firmly state this point to the guest - you do not intend to lower your standard of living for him.

Bad hospitality

Ignore guests. Stop talking and ignore them as much as possible. Do this as a last resort, as here you need to answer rudeness for rudeness. However, some guests are so clueless that they do not understand hints. When a person feels that he is being treated like some kind of cable guy and that he is no longer a welcome guest, he will be more than happy to leave.

• However, don't let him enjoy it. Many terrible guests will be happy to sit in front of your big TV in silence. Pretend the TV is broken and tell the person to cook their own dinner. Stop being a friendly host and turn your guest into a roommate.

1. Do something he doesn't like. Throw away boredom if you know the late guest fairly well, and do whatever pisses him off. Turn on annoying music, insist on reading Pushkin's poems, block TV programs, in general, take all necessary measures. Guests are delayed because, despite all attempts to kick them out, they prefer to be where they are. Make them change their minds and in a moment they'll be out the door. This is already an extreme measure, but nothing can be done. If none of the above has had any effect on the guest, there is nothing left but to state directly: "It's time for you to leave." At this stage, do not ask him to leave, but directly say so. Do it like in a bar: turn off the lights, pull up the chairs. Do not leave a chance for a further stay.

2. If it gets to the point where you have to show people the door, be prepared to hurt their feelings in some way.

Guests in the house are always annoying. Especially the uninvited ones. Especially those who came not for an hour or a day, but according to the principle “until we get bored” or “until the owners start looking at the calendar.”

At first, you are happy with the guests: prepare the room, try to feed deliciously, etc. (which is normal, of course). Then you get tired, you become physically ill from the presence of strangers in the house. Irritating other people's habits: when they put on your things, leave puddles in the bathroom, do not consider it necessary to help. In the end, you are forced to say that you yourself are leaving. Your guests disappear, but with your return they are again on the threshold of your apartment, and you almost roar with anger. How to deal with intrusive guests?

Your trouble is that you want to please your relatives in every possible way. You are afraid that they will have a bad opinion of you. So, the sooner you part with this idea, the better for you and everyone else.

Do you want to minimize unpleasant surprises, disappointments and maybe even quarrels? Then accustom your dear travel lovers to some thoughts.

Calmly say that you do not like it when people come to visit you without an invitation or warning. Because people go to visit only if they are called. Before each visit, they should call in advance and ask if you are ready to receive them (maybe you will not be there, maybe they are busy, maybe you need to buy groceries).

Your house is not rubber, and 1-2 guests is not at all the same as a family of 3-4 people. Therefore, the number of people who want to come should also be discussed with you in advance; Somehow hint or say directly that only the closest relatives (i.e. mother-in-law, father-in-law and husband's brother / sister) are accepted into your house and no more than three days.

Let your relatives know that it is strictly forbidden to distribute your phone number and address to all fellow countrymen who want to see your city. Your hospitality does not automatically extend to their friends and acquaintances. If strangers call you and ask for permission to stop at your house, referring to Maryivanna from Verkhnyaya Olkhovka, the most reasonable thing is to refuse.

How to refuse? It is not easy to expose shameless people when they have already entered the house. But no one can force you to invite them again. And there is no reason to be upset - once is enough for them, and you may have reasons why their presence in the house is undesirable. Just say "Manya, Lena, Katya, I'm sorry, but we won't be able to accept you." Without explaning the reason. You do not have to make excuses, you are the owners of this house, your right is to turn it into a hotel or not. If, nevertheless, a stupid question arises, “Why?”, Answer “So the circumstances were.”

Original entry and comments on

“My mother-in-law is visiting. Take a couple of weeks to live "- from the ads on the women's forum.

Do you like unexpected guests? And guests do not mean at all a girlfriend who ran in for tea, and not a crowd of friends with whom you selflessly sing songs with a guitar. We are talking about guests with a capital G - about those who are left with an empty refrigerator, a hysterical cat and a firm conviction: “Never again!”

WORSE TARTAR

Masha:

- Somehow a guy came to visit me from Moscow. We met in Smolensk, he is an actor, he came to us on tour, and I did the plot there. Then they started talking. We had a great time in Smolensk. And in the evening he drove home. And then I wake up one morning, and I get a message: “Hi, what are you doing?” I answer: "I'm sleeping." He told me: "And I came to visit you."

I used to dream about some similar story, but in reality, the person was very much taken by surprise. We quarreled, he went for a walk around the city alone. I was going through. In the evening he came with a big teddy bear. As a result, we parted well, but he no longer came to visit me. And I still sleep with his bear.

To avoid similar situations, watch your language. Often we throw in a conversation: "Well, don't forget, come visit." For you, this is so, a turn of speech, but a person, maybe, is already starting to pack his suitcases.

Rule number 1. Do not invite anyone to visit out of courtesy or for the sake of a red word.

It also happens…

Faith:


— Once we were invited with a young man for a birthday party for barbecues in a picnic area. We only knew the birthday boy. We arrive at the place - there all the faces are unfamiliar, the hero of the occasion went somewhere (he ran for a drink). We met and drank wine. Within an hour, everyone became best friends. The birthday boy returns, and here the embarrassment is not the same. It turned out that the clearing was mistaken. They escorted us to the desired clearing, then rested all together.

I COME TO YOU FOREVER TO SETTLEMENT

In our time, when personal space is an almost sacred concept, a request to be allowed to live for several days is perceived as an invitation to execution.

When a second cousin of your father's sister comes to your city with a visit and two daughters entering the institute, and intends to live with you "a couple of weeks, no more", it is embarrassing to refuse her hospitality. It is impossible to offer the aunt to go to the hotel - the relatives will be offended and will not understand. In this case, it will be a lesser evil to lie than to grind your teeth for several weeks and eventually break loose.

Rule number 2. It’s better to refuse right away than to come up with reasons later, how to offer more tactfullyunexpected guestsget away.

Let them know what you have

- repairs begin;

- You decided to leave and rent an apartment for a while.

If you have a warm relationship with your prospective guests, but you don’t want to let anyone into your house, you can find them an inexpensive rented apartment and even help with part of the payment.

On the other side…

Nadya: 


— My husband and I are journalists, we travel a lot on business trips. It's great to be able to stay with friends. No one has money for a hotel, and I want to save money. Therefore, we never refuse those who ask to stay with us for a few days, knowing that tomorrow we will need the same service.

HELLO I'M YOUR AUNT

Oleg:

- Twice a year we have a full house at home: my wife's relatives, who study in absentia, come to our city for a session. Usually it's two weeks of hell - first they teach at night, then they drink at night. In their free time, they ask them to entertain them, show them around Red Square and take them to Ikea. Our kopeck piece is becoming like a student dormitory - notes, books are everywhere, air mattresses are laid out on the floor. My wife and I do not smoke, but they still strive to smoke at night in the kitchen through the window. The last straw was that after passing the next exam, the guys dragged guests to our house - the owners, they say, would not mind, such a holiday! I couldn't resist and said that next year we will not be able to accept them, because we are starting to make repairs. They were a little offended, but peace is dearer to me than family relationships.

Vitaly Pakhomov, psychologist:

- The discomfort associated with the reception of uninvited guests is explained by the violation of the boundaries of personal space. This is a natural feeling, there is no need to be ashamed of it. To minimize the inconvenience caused by the visit of guests, it is necessary to say that you remain the owner in the house. Don't change your daily routine. The order and order in the house should remain yours. If the visit lasts long enough, you need to discuss who cleans the apartment, buys food and prepares dinner.

If it was not possible to avoid the invasion of guests and for the second week they have been laying out their cots, asking for towels, scenting your perfume and squeezing your cat, then it's time to take measures to protect their borders.

“Stop cooking, entertaining, and staying up past midnight with guests.

- Ask the "guests" about the exact date departure.

- Wedge with a wedge: explain that you are waiting for the next batch of guests, so it's time to "vacate the premises."

Rule number 3. A guest who lives in your home for more than a week automatically ceases to be a guest. This is already a tenant, so feel free to shift some of the housework, grocery shopping and other household chores to him.

Could be so…

Masha:


- Once, two girls-friends, whom he didn’t really like, wandered into my friend’s place and began to behave in a boorish way: it’s not good to joke, speak taunts and nasty things. When asked to leave, they giggled stupidly and remained seated. Then Mitya took a spray bottle and with a whistle forced them to retreat to the door.

Natalia, mini-hotel administrator:

- The main thing is that the guests know that you are the hostess here and your decision is not subject to discussion. There are, of course, such guests who make noise, swear. In a good way, you need to call the police, but you don’t want to spoil a person’s vacation, maybe he just drank too much, so he scandalized. In such cases, I call Gregory - this is our neighbor, such a huge uncle. Usually the brawlers calm down just by looking at Gregory.

How often do you have uninvited guests?
Vote

Summer again. Many guests have already arrived, others are just waiting for them. They are waiting for dear guests and not so, close and thirtieth relatives, classmates and colleagues, friends and just acquaintances.

Polite, tactful guests are eagerly awaited, and unceremonious and annoying guests are fearfully awaited.

Let's talk about the guests who come to us during their holidays or stay with us when they are in our city. About those situations when we become hostages of our traditional concept of hospitality.

Quite often it becomes just a measure of our patience, and our hospitality is only a mask. Unfortunately, by inertia we exploit the outdated psychology of hospitality.

Hospitality is a wonderful tradition, it implies hospitality to guests, respect, attention, generosity. It's good to be hospitable, that's right. This is what folk wisdom teaches us. Recall the old folk saying "in cramped conditions but not offended."

A lone traveler immediately appears, who late in the evening knocks on a hut on the outskirts of the city and asks for an overnight stay. A kind host, of course, will let a stranger in, give him a place to sleep: on a bench or on the floor, share food. And at the same time the hospitable family will receive entertainment. They will ask the traveler about other places and listen to fables.

In the old days, guests served as a source of information, and therefore they were received with joy. However, at the same time, a saying arose about an uninvited guest. Turns out he was never happy.

It's easy to be hospitable when you live in a mansion and have a substantial amount of money in your account. And for an ordinary person living in a city apartment, it is often cramped in it himself. Needless to say about our material wealth, and guests are almost always an additional waste of money.

However, there are people who are always happy to have guests. These are people who lack communication. Others are accustomed to relaxing at home after work from the crowd, fuss, noise and perceive the reception of guests as a heavy duty.

It's a good thing to see family and friends. when people who are in trouble stop at your place. Noble to shelter a person who has nowhere to stay.

But quite often, people who have enough money to relax in a sanatorium, stay in a hotel or rent a room express a desire to meet with relatives and at the same time relax in the capital or at a resort.

The old stereotype of thinking that it is normal to live with relatives and friends is very tenacious in our people. In fact, it is normal - for a short time, no more than three days. And when it is longer, it often turns out that some are resting, while others suffer inconvenience or even suffer.

From my youth, I remember a typical summer situation when someone comes to work in an incredibly high spirits, as if he won a tidy sum, and happily announces: “Congratulate me, our guests have left.”

Nowadays, many say that they are tired of guests, and they are no longer going to invite them to their place, but they continue to receive them. Why? For different reasons.

I remember a case from the Soviet past. An employee happily celebrated her vacation in the department. And on Monday, she suddenly went to work and withdrew her leave application.

The reason is banal - uninvited guests fell on their heads. It is not difficult to imagine the situation: the woman planned to spend her vacation on repairing the apartment on her own, prepared everything, bought building materials. And then a surprise: a classmate of her husband with his wife and two children. And given that the employee lived with her husband and daughter in a two-room apartment in Khrushchev, it is not at all surprising that she was not happy with the guests.

But what about our favorite hospitality formula: in cramped quarters, but not offended? It just doesn't fit in situations like this.

It is absurd to think that, having violated other people's plans, having squeezed someone out, and even without an invitation, with a surprise, you can count on true hospitality, cordiality. The best way reactions to impudence are known to be polite patience.

There is an opinion that arrogance is our national trait. Unlikely. Rather, it's just the rudeness of some people. Quite often among the guests there are tactful people who know how to arrange their daily routine in such a way that they almost never meet with the hosts.

Early in the morning they tiptoe to the city, to the beach or on their own business and also return quietly late at night, they constantly feel embarrassed because they embarrassed the owners.

We had some unique guests in our youth. Married couple, classmates at the institute. They came every summer for a couple of weeks with two small children. On weekdays, my husband and I were at work, my daughter was in kindergarten.

These days, the guests were on the beach before lunch, came home, cooked dinner, after which they put the children to sleep. At this time, they themselves cleaned the apartment, cooked dinner. And when we came home in the evening, they took our daughter and walked around the city with three children. Thus, there was no housework left for me for the evening, I rested. Fantasy, not guests.

Not so long ago, an old friend called: "Save me, advise!". It turns out that guests unexpectedly come to them in the amount of three people, distant relatives. Why can't you say "no"? The reason is that they have already bought tickets, so it is inconvenient to refuse.

There is only one way out - to find a very cheap apartment or hotel for them. Otherwise, you will have to make room, but you don’t want to. For many, the situation is painfully familiar. Why don't we say "no" anyway? Is it really normal: to smile at the guests, but to yourself count the days until their departure?

But isn’t the reason that we simply don’t know how to say “no”, we don’t know how to resist someone else’s arrogance, we don’t respect ourselves and our family?

One of my relatives with great pleasure after the departure of the guests, despite the fatigue, always washes the floor. There is such a popular sign that guests do not come again.

Another friend is always ready with a list of fictitious reasons why, unfortunately, they cannot receive guests now, otherwise they would be happy to.

Everyone chooses their own method of confronting unwanted guests, but there is nothing wrong if you just say a firm “no” to all persuasion to stay with you.

It does not matter at all whether you have serious reasons such as: your son is taking exams, someone is sick, repairs, etc., it is enough that you simply do not want to embarrass your family. You have the right to say no.

After rejection, don't feel guilty. Some immediately seek to make amends for their non-existent guilt and undertake to pay for the accommodation of uninvited guests in a hotel, without even thinking that they are thereby paying for someone else's arrogance at the expense of their family.

It doesn't hurt to learn how to prioritize. The interests of the family and your own should always come first. You don't have to be afraid to offend someone all the time. A decent person will always treat with understanding, and an unceremonious person - as it will.

Some readers may have thought that I just hate all the guests. No. There are a lot of people whom I gladly host in my home. But, like everyone else, I have situations when I have no time for guests and I have to refuse even close relatives.

We each have our own problems. Most have small apartments. We all lack something at times or always, and more often it concerns money and health. Is it then worth it, because of a false sense of hospitality, to complicate our lives even more by hosting people who are a burden to us?

And it is also possible that potential guests do not even suspect how burdensome their presence is. Isn't it better to tell them directly about it? This is normal, this is natural, if the question concerns the interests of the family.

© Taisiya Fevronina. 2011

How to behave "Make yourself at home!" - says the hostess, although she usually means something completely different (unless, of course, she is a saint). And only the last egoist will take advantage of her offer.

In fact, the hostess wants the guest not to be shy.

But this does not mean that he can drink juice from packages and walk around the apartment naked.

If you do not have a goal to make sure that the guests leave and never come again, behave diplomatically, do not be offended and do not be capricious. You and your habits will be constantly evaluated.

Before the arrival of guests, do a general cleaning and hide all the "skeletons" in a closet under lock and key. Preparing for the arrival of guests A good hostess will definitely buy all kinds of yummy for guests.

The room for them should be no worse than a hotel room (or better).

The beds are covered with clean, crisp sheets, put two pillows for each person (three are possible), do not forget about toiletries, towels (necessarily large ones), blankets, hangers and, for beauty, put scented candles or flowers in the room. If you have one bedroom in your house, you should not give it to guests.

They may feel uncomfortable about embarrassing you.

The hostess should entertain the guests in every possible way (but do not drive them out for a morning run).

Rules for guests to follow Once you've shown where everything is, it's time to startle your guests with the rules to follow in your home. Just try not to make anyone feel like they're in a museum or a prison.

Gently let them know what not to do, and then they will be much less likely to get into a mess.

The most difficult thing is with breakfast, because people are divided into "larks" and "owls". Decide how you will eat - together or separately - otherwise the guests will wait for an invitation to the table.

Never wake them up! Let them sleep as long as they need to.

If someone is acting ugly, talk to them alone. Most likely, he will change his behavior.

How to get guests to leave From time to time you will have to receive unexpected guests (someone could not leave after the party, or some unfortunate friend asked to spend the night with you).

The scale of hospitality should range from the willingness to give the best to the guest to the desire to kick him out of the house if he behaves unceremoniously.

As soon as you stop giving him tea and cookies, the world outside the window will seem much more attractive to him. If uninvited guests descend on you, you are not at all obliged to receive them.

Come up with an answer. Say that you have a meeting, you are waiting for your parents or it is time for you to leave.