Many women are in no hurry to ask men for help. If you ask the question why, most likely the answers will be: it is useless to ask, they won’t do it, they will forget, they will refuse, it’s faster to do it yourself.

Women's beliefs that men do not want to help are not groundless. But if you are one of those who do not give up, but try to understand themselves, their man and the situation, I suggest figure out the reasons.

I am sure that at least one of them will force you to reconsider your views on this issue, and you will be able to transform your relationship.

1. Misinterpreting the actions of a man

There are often situations in everyday life when a woman turns to her husband for help, but he does not seem to hear. She perceives his silence as a refusal and does everything herself.

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If this happens regularly, the woman has claims against her husband, she is offended and thinks that he does not love her.

Actually a man needs to be asked several times until he responds.

According to Mark Gungor (American pastor, author of the book “Laughter is the best helper in marriage”), men are one-channel. If at the time of the request they are busy with some kind of thought process or other action, they will NOT hear your request.

And you regard it as ignoring.

What to do? Make sure your husband really hears you, and then make a request. Sometimes you need to ask more than once and wait for an answer.

It is unusual for us women to ask for the same thing several times. It takes time, sometimes it's really easier to do it yourself than to ask.

But if you still try to follow this advice, you will find that your man was not going to ignore you, he simply did not hear or was busy.

If you want to understand this issue in detail, where he tells how a man and a woman differ, how to understand each other and maintain family relationships.

2. Refusing to believe that a man will help.

If a woman grew up in a family where her father did not help her mother, she will be convinced that a man, in principle, is not able to help and it is useless to ask him.

In her family, she transfers this model of relationships. By default, she, like her mother, has complaints about a man: “He doesn’t help, he’s lazy, you have to do everything yourself.”

And the only thing left for a man is to be a mirror - confirm her beliefs.

But there are different relationships. There are also those where a man is happy to do anything for the sake of his beloved woman.

Surely your man is tired of playing the role of "sloth" and stubborn and is waiting for you to let him show his best qualities.

6 more reasons why it is difficult to seek help.

3. Desire to do everything perfectly

Often women do not want to ask men for help, because they know that later they will still have to redo it. You won't please them.

Their actions perfectionism rules, which dictates that everything should be done by 5, and less is not satisfactory.

I'll tell you a secret, my mother thinks so. She is ready to stand all day in the kitchen, as long as everything is done the way she needs. You can’t trust dad: he won’t peel potatoes like that, he won’t wash dishes like that.

But women are thus deprive themselves of help in the face of their husbands. And then they complain about fatigue and indifference on their part.

When a woman does not accept the help of a man in the form in which he is able to give it, she refuses to believe in him. A man feels the state of a woman.

If they do not believe in him, he loses all desire to help.

Learn to appreciate your man's impulses to help you. Don't give up on this desire. Otherwise, you will have to spend a huge amount of time and effort to get it back.

4. Pride

First, the woman herself deprives herself of helpers around the house, and then she gets used to this role so much that pride seizes her: “I can do it myself. I don't need his help. Still can't wait!"

This is playing the role of a victim: no one helps, everyone is on her own. A woman does not want to part with this role, because behind it is desire to prove one's case.

But this truth does not make happy either you or your man, who sometimes does not understand your grievances.

Stop playing this game, better think about your relationship. What are you creating with these thoughts and behaviors?

Let go of your pride and learn to ask men for help when you need it. It's not as difficult as it seems.

An article for those who are used to sacrificing themselves for the sake of others. Read why such a sacrifice is often not justified and how to stop sacrificing yourself.

5. The habit of doing everything yourself

A woman thinks: “I can do anything, why do I need these men. I myself will hammer in a nail, and screw in a light bulb, and put a tile in the bathroom ... ".

These skills and abilities save when there is really no one to help. There are such situations. It's great when a woman can take care of herself.

But it's good in extreme cases. If such behavior becomes a habit when she has a man, he will not help, because she does his work for him.

This is where he can act like a man- use your strength and abilities.

As a result, it turns out that the man does not work, lies on the couch, and the woman runs like a squirrel in a wheel, torn between 3 jobs, family and household chores.

Learn to show weakness. A man does not need to know that you can fix a faucet, and, moreover, you do not need to demonstrate your skill to him.

Leave this job to him, he will gladly do it for you.

6. Failure to accept help

We were so raised by Soviet society, where few people spoke about self-love. The fact that a woman is worthy to be helped, cared for.

In the post-war period, there were far fewer men than women. Women had to perform not only their usual duties, but also hard men's work, because there was no one else to do it.

Since then, there are still patterns of behavior and thinking that women still resort to. They carry heavy bags and move furniture instead of asking men who are ready to help, just ask.

And women don't even think about it. Such thoughts and actions have created inability to accept help with dignity.

A woman, if she asks, does not wait until she is helped, because she does not believe that this can happen. And out of habit, she does everything herself.

It's time to shed these patterns of behavior and believe that you are worthy of care.

Letting a man help means giving him the opportunity to make you happier.

The true strength of a woman begins with her recognition of her worth. Use .

7. The belief that a man should help by default

Focusing on the negative does not allow a woman to appreciate the good that a man does for her.

Unfortunately, many women do not know how to thank, they believe that if a man helped, then it goes without saying that he should have done it. Why say "thank you"?

But men love praise and compliments no less than women.

Try to note every little thing that the man did - took out the garbage, washed the cup after him, and did not leave it on the table, say how happy and grateful you are for it.

It seems to be trifles, but our life and relationships are built on them.

You will see how your man will be pleased. He will want to hear even more kind words from you and will look for a reason for this.

This is the best incentive to show a desire in a man to help you.

1. Hello. History, probably, like many. My husband and I lived together for 25 years. Four children, son died four years ago. But three daughters remained. The eldest got married, and the husband - good guy, but from Lugansk, a refugee and there are a lot of problems with documents. The middle one graduated from college and immediately entered the university, but the youngest daughter will be three years old in two weeks.

So, I separated from my husband, she endured drinking and beatings for a long time, how much he was treated, how much they coded, all to no avail. But the worst thing is that he kicked us out of the house and brought another woman. The apartment, which was inherited - kopeck piece (Khrushchev). She had to be sold, because he still came drunk and rioted, it was a shame from the neighbors.

We sold it and bought a house in the Orekhovo-Zuevsky district, away from our ex-husband (he is in Kratovo) so that he would not find us. So, because the youngest daughter is small, only I can take her to kindergarten and pick her up, hence the problems with work. In the kindergarten, the places of nannies are occupied, they do not take. I do individual work. But these are pennies, debts accumulated, I slowly gave them back.

Recently it turned out that the ex-husband had accumulated debts in my name and collectors began to call me. No explanations, of course, are of interest to anyone, and it is understandable who needs it. But I don’t have enough strength and money to pay more. Winter is coming soon, and the children need firewood and clothes.

Maybe this is not a problem for someone, but I'm already exhausted. I am very ashamed, but please, I would like to repay all my debts, and I will return the money. Though with percentages, but at least to one person, and not "fifteen". Please, suddenly, someone will help. Card 4276400048619721. If necessary, I can meet in person, here is my mail, write, we will make an appointment, even at my house [email protected]

My husband robbed me to the skin by removing the last savings from the card

2. Help, please! She is from the village, single mother, three children. I found myself in a terrible situation, I just don’t want to live. A year ago, my mother died (there are no relatives except for her). After that, my husband robbed me to the skin, removing the last savings of 40,000 rubles from the card. She herself has a higher education, but because of his behavior they don’t hire me anywhere, friends and neighbors turned away. Sometimes we don't see bread for weeks. Creditors began to press, because no one canceled the debts. Lord, I'm just in despair, help, I beg you! There is simply nowhere to turn, I am very ashamed, but I see no other way out. Card number 5452 9310 0551 0787.

Help get out of debt and get back on your feet

3. Hello, I got into a difficult life situation. She grew up in a poor family until the age of 14, as a result she remained a complete orphan. The remaining relatives immediately turned away. Stayed on the street, survived as best she could, in Orphanage they didn’t take me away, why I don’t know, there is no housing after relatives. She got married, but divorced her husband when he got drunk. Has a daughter, goes to school, ex-husband rarely pays alimony. You have to take out loans to get your daughter ready for school.

It is very difficult with money, the salary is 15,000 rubles, I pay 10,000 rubles for an apartment. Lots of debt to pay off. Good people, I ask you for help, please help me get out of debt and get back on my feet. The account number where donations can be transferred is 4817 7600 6411 3065.

Your husband was previously married. So, his advantage is the experience of living together, he has already learned a lot. But there is a significant minus attached to the experience - ex-wife.

When a relationship ends, theoretically each partner says to the other, "Thank you for the time we spent together," and leaves to move on with their lives.

In practice, things are not so rosy. It often happens that, despite the new family of a man, the ex-wife still needs him.

She calls at any time of the day, writes SMS, regularly asks for help in minor repairs, often seeks his help and support. And he presents an iron argument: "After all, we have children." At the same time, it is obvious that she is manipulating her ex-husband.

And the new wife feels like she has been relegated to the background. Just like in a harem: although the husband prefers the second wife, the first one has the status of a more important woman and still pulls all the strings.

If you are in this situation, then you know that it is very difficult. Let's listen to the advice of a psychologist on how you can improve your relationship.

The current one is against!

You have the feeling that you live in a triangle: your needs are relegated to the background, the needs of the former are in the first place. You feel uncomfortable, for example, because you cannot plan anything, because the phone will ring half an hour before going out to your friends. This is the former asking her partner: “Helen needs to see a dentist, and there is no one to take her” or “A master should come to me to repair the refrigerator, but I can’t at this time, please look after him.”

The ex-wife not only plans his life, destroys plans and dictates decisions, but also emotionally blackmails him, always letting him know that now she is a lonely, poor, unhappy woman with children who is unable to cope with many things herself.

Does he really not see this or does not understand what an absurd position he puts you in. Gradually, you start to get tired of all this, and quite rightly so! You have the right to fight for your happiness!

The motives of the actions of the former

Often she does not want to come to terms with parting, and sometimes she simply dreams that her husband will pay a very high price for a divorce. Many women subconsciously want to punish their partner for the fact that their family broke up. Others are afraid that he will associate himself with another and will invest resources and time in her, which means that he will pay much less attention to the old family.

There are exes who make life difficult for the “new” out of spite, envy, or saving their self-esteem by demonstrating who really shuffles the deck. The first wives believe that they always remain the first.

What should a healthy distribution of roles in such a triangle look like?

Psychologists see it this way.

new wife: I know that you have children, you are a good father, I will support you. It is only natural that you have a past and it will affect our lives, but try not to let it destroy our future.

Man: I am glad that you understand this, I will try so that my former duties do not interfere with my current life. I want to take care of you too.

Ex-wife: Our children will always be ours, we will cooperate for their benefit, but at the same time, let each of us live our own lives.

Darling, why are you letting yourself sit on your head?

What makes men so malleable to the influence of an ex-wife, why do they allow themselves to be manipulated? Can they not understand all this? What are they so afraid of? Psychologists attribute this to several factors.

The man is convinced that marriage is for life

He believes that once he got married, he tied himself to her forever. After a divorce, the sense of responsibility for another person does not go anywhere. It also matters why and under what circumstances the partners broke up.

After the breakup of a marriage, a man remains guilty

The more he believes that the divorce was due to him, the stronger the feeling of guilt. Fulfillment of instructions, various signs of attention and constant help in difficult situations is a kind of tribute that he pays ex-wife because he ruined her life. And in addition to emotions in relation to the new partner, he still feels something for the previous one.

Emotionally stuck in old relationships

Many men still have not completed previous relationships. They would like to have both. In particular, they are flattered that two women need them at once.

Sometimes sentiment plays a role

At one time, something good was connected with this woman, so he wants to continue to help her. At the same time, he does not understand that he is emotionally hurting his new wife.

It is difficult for a man to distinguish the needs of an ex-wife from the needs of children

Although he sometimes believes that he is not obliged to run at the first call of the former, the situation is presented to him as necessary for children. For example, the ex asks to look after the baby, because she leaves to meet her girlfriends. Whose need is it: a child or a woman? The child, of course, is always happy to see dad. But this does not mean that in the absence of his mother, he cannot be left to the nanny, especially if the father has any plans for this time.

However, ex-wives often present this as an opportunity to meet the child: “How! Don't you want to spend some time with your son or daughter?!" When the question is put in this way, few of the fathers think about whether it is he who really should help, or whether the help of someone else would be enough: grandmother, neighbor, friend, nanny. If there is someone to leave the child to, then the call of the father of the baby satisfies the needs of the ex-wife in order to solve her own problem.

It works "on the machine"

The man was used to the fact that although he was the head of the family, the wife was his neck, giving orders and distributing roles. Therefore, he automatically acts according to the usual scheme: "I receive the task and carry it out." It is good if the new wife relieves him of this automatism and shows that his help is not required, and sometimes it simply does not make sense.

Afraid of losing children

He is ready to answer every call and tries his best - unfortunately, sometimes to the detriment of new family. He is afraid that if the ex refuses, she will not let him meet with the children and will denigrate him in their eyes. Women sometimes act in such dirty ways.

Do away with the "dictatorship" of the former

The ex-wife is not going anywhere, especially if there are children in a previous marriage. But you can build a relationship with her in a way that is comfortable for you. Try it!

First of all, you should come to terms with the fact that your man has ceased to be the husband of another woman, but has not ceased and will never cease to be a father and have obligations towards his children. And the well-being of children is always the number one priority.

But this does not mean that you need to agree to everything that the ex-wife dictates. On the contrary, you have the right to say what the problem is. Do not let yourself be drawn into disputes between them. A new relationship is established between a man and his ex-wife, not you. Don't call, don't text, keep your distance. Never let your husband turn around and leave with the words: "Agree among yourselves, girls."

Control your reactions

When your ex-wife first interferes with your plans, such as calling your husband when you go to visit, show understanding and compassion. React in accordance with his expectations, say: "Yes, darling, of course you must go." But also add: "I understand that this is an exceptional situation, and you, as a father, cannot do otherwise."

The second time, ask directly: “Listen, is this really so important, is your help really needed?” If that doesn't stop him, let him go. The third time, no creativity is needed, keep your distance, don't say anything. He will notice this and ask what is happening.

This is a good introduction to a conversation in which you "confess" and try to protect yourself. Talk about what hurts you. Your husband may not realize that this situation hurts you. Men are far from masters in guessing a woman's mood.

Do not hide that you are having a hard time. But do not dictate how he should behave, what his ex should or should not do. This is not your area. First of all, talk about yourself: what problems did you have, and how did you imagine this relationship. This is the only way you have a chance to win. You have the right to voice your emotions and offer some solutions.

Ask your partner to set boundaries

The task of a man is to complete the previous relationship, to break the emotional dependence. If he sets boundaries beyond which the ex-wife is not allowed to go, she will be forced to comply with them.

Ask him to pay more attention to your plans - do not change them in half an hour. Agree that you change plans only when faced with a real crisis situation.

Plan ahead for the rest of your parenting responsibilities, and remember that you have a say in that planning too! Tell him that you also really need him, let your husband feel responsible for your relationship, because you are important too! Let him know that if he does not do something, then your living together may be seriously harmed.

Re-assign roles

Calmly help your spouse understand that some things are the task of his ex's new partner. Some things only a father can do - for example, take care of a sick child, work with a son who is not good at math, or go to cheer for him at competitions. Others - for example, servicing a car or seeing a refrigerator repairman - is also the task of a partner. But it's new!

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How to communicate with an ex-husband if feelings are still alive and there are joint child?

Oh what a difficult question. You can say this: fate sent you a difficult test. Not only do you need to go through the pain of betrayal, the feeling of being useless, go through the feeling of abandonment, but also strangle your pride (torment: “Instead of me they preferred another”, “She is better”), and this is almost unbearable for the fragile “I” . You can try to pass on your own, or you can seek psychological help. I want to tell you how the help of a psychologist can be useful.

First you need to recognize the fact that you are no longer loved and all the delights of love go to another. You will not be able to completely change your attitude towards ex-husband until you go through all the stages of a painful breakup.

burn away parting

All these bitter feelings can be experienced, weep, grieve, but ... alone. And it is best now not to know or hear anything about him, about the former. And here you have to communicate, because there is a joint child and you, like a normal mother, do not want to act to the detriment of the baby and deprive him of his father.

I can write a lot of advice on how to behave with the former, how not to drop your dignity in him and, most importantly, in your own eyes. And even offer you a psychological consultation. But will it help you when your heart hurts, resentment eats from the inside, and your own unsettled life adds fuel to the fire of pain?

By no effort of will you can completely change your attitude towards your ex-husband and, accordingly, your behavior until you go through all the stages of a painful separation. I foresee your reaction: “How long can you go through a breakup? I've already gotten over my pain." So, if you experienced it, then the question of how to behave would not arise. It would not throw you from one extreme to another.

What happened to you and your family is a real tragedy, and there is no need to downplay and devalue the power of your experiences. But you did not truly let your husband go to another woman, did not accept his betrayal, you tried, but in reality you did not forgive him.

The path to true forgiveness is not easy. And with the help of some beliefs and reasonable explanations, it is impossible to come to it. Only after living through all the pain and finding in yourself the internal correspondences of the situation, accepting everything and forgiving everyone, you will be able to forgive your husband.

By not breaking up with him, you do not allow other men to enter your life. Every time you struggle with your feelings, you waste your energy, and then you have no strength left for anything else. You need to see and realize the harm you are doing to yourself and your life, to recognize your helplessness and the powerlessness of trying to change anything and gain control over yourself. Only then can you start your journey.

What is happening now? You do not give up the idea that you can influence yourself and the situation. You are asking for an algorithm of actions that will help you build the tactics of your behavior. But I'm sure you know perfectly well how you need to behave, hence all your attempts to accept and forgive, to pretend that nothing happened ... fatigue and anger - because there is pain inside you. You are fighting with yourself. And this is the road to nowhere.

Rules of conduct with an ex-husband

It's hard for me to say briefly what to do. There are exercises and meditations that trigger the experience of grief. But you will have to experience painful feelings yourself. My help as a psychologist is only to support and help in choosing a direction, in explaining some things. But your feelings for you, I will not live.

My 6 month program and is designed to support in such a situation. Working in a group helps you fully live your pain, and the feeling of similarity with the fate of other women will strengthen you. Lets you know that you are not alone in this situation.

At the end of September will begin.

Sign up for a group, and together with you we will begin a difficult path of experiences, following which you will discover a lot of interesting, useful, although at times, perhaps, unpleasant.

So, how to behave with an ex-husband correctly?

1. Try to talk to him only about the child. Do not ask him about business, about life and do not tell about yourself. Even if he is interested. Try to be gentle with the answer. Getting involved in communication, you give him your energy, and thereby attach yourself to him, and you absolutely do not need this. Save your strength for yourself. Don't feed your ex with your energy.

2. Try to emotionally distance yourself when communicating with him. Step back. Don't get involved in conversations. Be polite, but no more. If you can keep your interactions with him to a minimum, do it.

Although, apparently, it is still important for you to see him, you want to look into his eyes, to understand whether he is happy. And all these questions arise... Are you significant to him? Did he love you? Is it bored? Does he regret the past? Does he want to return?

3. Do not ask the child about the father, about conversations between them, do not try to find out information about the ex-husband.

4. Do not forbid the former partner to see the child, but the transfer of the child must be done in the way you want. Don't try to be comfortable and a good, understanding ex-wife.

5. Don't let him know that you love and are waiting for him. Do not show or prove to him that you have no one. But do not do the opposite, demonstrating the presence of another man in your life. Be impervious to him. Let him know nothing about you.

6. This is the most difficult and difficult moment. Try not to forbid him to invite the child to a new family. I know that it is very difficult and difficult to allow a child to spend time not only with his father, but also with his woman. This is not an easy test.

But if you can let go of your husband, then this item will become feasible for you. The fact is that the new darling may turn out to be a jealous lady, she may begin to put forward her conditions to the man. She is unlikely to like that she does not take part in the life of a partner. And then it can affect the frequency of meetings between the father and the child.

Therefore, if this has happened in your life, let your child become richer - find another family and experience a different relationship model.

Maybe soon you will create new union, and the child, communicating with members of both families, will grow up in a healthier environment.

Although I understand that it's only correct words. And having lost a husband, it is almost unbearable to share a child with him, especially if he is the only one. But still, probably not immediately, but allow this thought.

7. Try not to discuss the already ex-husband in the presence of a child - he will not understand your pain, but will only get confused in the situation. After all, he loves both you and his father, and you are both dear to him. There is no need to create a persecutor-victim-rescue triangle where you play the role of the victim. And don't make the child your lifesaver. Subsequently, all this will go sideways for him.

If you have a daughter, then you will form a not quite correct image of a man in her, and it will be difficult for her to trust a man, to love her chosen one. If you have a son, then his identification with men may suffer, which will then affect his ability to earn money and be successful.

Yes, and you yourself ... The more you think and talk about your husband, the more involved in these relationships. And they are already in the past for you, which you need to let go! Don't create an emotional funnel that will be very difficult for you to get out of later.

One year of waiting

If you still love your husband, then most likely you want him back, and the hope of a reunion does not let go of Wax. What to do in this situation? Trying to get your ex back or not? Should any action be taken for this?

There are no recipes that are equally suitable for everyone. But here you are in danger of immersing yourself in your expectations and hoping in vain for the return of your husband and thus losing several years, or even many years of your life. Of course, if you decide for yourself that you no longer want to have any business with men and the memories of the former are more than enough for you, then this approach is quite acceptable. But if, nevertheless, you do not want to spend your whole life in unjustified expectations and hopes, then set a period for yourself, for example, one year. Tell yourself if after a year your husband does not return, then you will cut him out of your life and will learn to live without him.

One year is enough to choose your path. And if the ex-husband lived for a year with another woman, then I think the chances of his return and generally greatly decreased. Although life has its own rules, and here nothing can be unambiguously stated.

You can really wait one year, but then start building your life without an ex. And I would strongly recommend you not just to wait for his return, but to take care of yourself, your inner world, your soul. In any case, you have to go through a breakup, even if there is hope for the return of a partner.

If you cannot internally part with him, let him go, then all your attempts to return him are most likely doomed to failure. You can return someone only if in your soul you let go of this person and survived all the pain of betrayal and parting. If this did not happen, it means that you have not changed internally, and therefore, your relationship, even if your husband returns, will remain the same.

After parting with a man, reduce the importance of your desire to return him, trust the space of your destiny. It will be what is best for you.

Hope for the worst, and the best will come.

I have listed the general rules, but each woman finds her own patterns of behavior. But most importantly, always remember the interests of the child, try not to inflate, (not pride) and, of course, do not forget about yourself. Maybe your husband left you, taking care of your soul, so that you turn to yourself and begin to treat yourself differently. Or maybe he made space for something or someone. Emptiness has one remarkable property to be filled. And maybe after a while you will be grateful to your ex-husband for what he did to you.

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

Asking is also worth knowing.

Ability to ask for support

In a relationship between a man and a woman, the ability to be friends is very important. The main function of friendship is the ability to protect and support each other. It seems to sound simple, but alas, when looking closely at relationships in a couple, one can often observe an inability to be friends. Friendship includes the ability to ask for support, because, unfortunately, we do not know how to read each other's thoughts and fulfill wishes and requests ahead of time.

The smearing of gender differences in the USSR, the struggle for gender equality, feminist slogans did their job - the woman's ability to allow herself to be weak, helpless, the ability to ask for support or anything from a man was blocked. That is why the very first rule in the ability to ask is UNDERSTAND.

Understand what inside you prevents you from asking for help?

Negative attitudes and beliefs, patterns, patterns based on past experiences since childhood. For example, the template of family values. Mom never asked for help, she coped with all the difficulties herself. She taught her daughter the same behavior. Fear of disturbing or setting: “Do everything yourself, don’t ask anyone. Asking for help is shameful and humiliating.” Children's settings. Most often, this setting sounds like this: “A sense of duty. A woman believes that if she asks, she will definitely remain indebted. We are sure that by asking for a favor, we will cause a lot of inconvenience to others.

Or vice versa, illusory beliefs, for example, "If he loves, he will guess." Or the conviction that men are the same as women are sensitive and cordial. These qualities are still inherent in the beautiful half of humanity, so it is more difficult for a man to notice and appreciate that you need his help.

Without departing from the cash register, or rather from the article, immediately look for your attitudes or beliefs that are against your ability to ask. Write them down, in front of each you will formulate a new belief that will carry the message that Asking for help is completely natural and even necessary.Look for confirmation in the surrounding world, in the relationships of people.

The negative attitudes listed above are joined by immersion in the ego, which gives rise to fears, anxieties, various beliefs and features of our character. These include fear of rejection, fear of being humiliated, negative experiences in the past, fear of becoming dependent on a man.

Another reason for the inability to ask a man for anything is the psychological immaturity of a woman. A woman who has realized her feminine nature realizes that asking is completely natural for a woman, because a woman is arranged in such a way that she is ready to accept help, support, a man, and so on. But for this, you first need to be able to accept and love yourself.

A woman who has known the essence of herself is also well acquainted with male nature - she knows that one of the basic needs of a man is to be needed, that it is through a woman’s requests to himself that a man realizes his need. This is KNOWING, this is the conscious adult interaction with the world, based on knowledge. A man becomes a man thanks to a woman. Giving her good = the results of his work in society, giving her time, attention, material things, the joy of interaction. I’ll note right away that moderation is good in everything - beggars are not very attractive.

And yes, you should also be able to ask. How? This is just the third rule - ASK.

Any appeal to a man should be able to pack into 10 simple sentences, which essentially indicate your request. No half-hints, intrigues, halftones, demands, reproaches, the role of the "victim" and the like. The request must be unambiguous.

It is worth speaking openly and confidentially, what you need and what you need, without hints. Be specific about what, when and where. You know what a man appreciates in a woman the most - sincerity.

Therefore, your words should really be filled with the energies of sincerity. The tone of the request should be calm, soft and warm.

The petition should be reasonable and really meaningful for you, and not just a game of your ego and an insatiable “I want”, it should be feasible for a man.

It makes no sense to ask, and then do it yourself in order to manipulate a man through suggestion of guilt - this will only cause aggression from the man towards you.

Remember, it is requests that allow us women to become weak, and men strong. You know, it's like a game, in order to play hide and seek someone has to drive, no one wants to, but in the end you have to agree, otherwise the game will not take place. So, if we do not agree to be weak voluntarily, then there will be no game.

This is how life works - the source of the river is higher, and the mouth is lower.

If the source and the mouth are at the same height, then you get a swamp. The river will not be able to flow - the relationship will not be able to develop.

It is worth not just asking, but believing that your man is the best to handle your request. You can ask in the format - "wouldn't it be great if ..."

Remember the moment that if you want someone to fulfill your need, it is worth speaking in the language of the needs of the person fulfilling your needs, that is, your needs can be included in the need of a man. It’s only worth doing it carefully so that it doesn’t look like blackmail or extortion, or bargaining.

It is also worth remembering that a man needs time to comprehend your request, correlate his time, opportunities, etc.

Get ready for rejection, know how to adequately accept this situation. Not always a man is ready or can really fulfill the request. At the same time, do not try to implement this request on your own. And even if the man did not refuse, but is in no hurry to fulfill the request, you can very gently remind him of it. Gently - this is without reproaches and coercion.

The next significant moment is the ability to THANK the man for your fulfilled request.Thank you sincerely, thank your joy. The light of your joyful eyes inspires a man to fulfill and follow your requests.

And it’s also very cool - PRAISE the man for the result of the request. Do not be afraid to say words of gratitude, words of admiration for your man for his attention given to you. So, we summarize: to understand, to know, to ask, to thank and praise, these are the points of your correct request, which will be correctly perceived by a man and fulfilled.

And yet .. a very significant moment. Be attentive to the requests of a man. If you ignore them or do them carelessly, then this is unlikely to motivate him to fulfill your requests addressed to him.