"Mom is a Jew, father is a Hitlerite." Jewish mother of the Chechen Esambaev. A word about a Chechen woman "You are not worthy to be the head of the republic"
Good day to all! I am a Chechen! My name is Kheda, I was born and raised, I have been living in Chechnya all my life! My father is a mountain Chechen and my mother is Russian. I want to say right away that I never communicated with guys of a different nation, my brothers would have simply killed me for this. I want to talk about our Vainakhs, as our guys often communicate with girls of other nations, deceive them. You know, I really hurt for the girls, I swear, when I see how our men treat them. I'm not talking about all Chechens, I'm talking about the majority. There are many stories on the forum where Russian girls communicated with Chechens, tolerated temper for years, even forgave assault, and then these guys married their Chechens and broke the hearts of girls. Girls, my dears, I ask you not to waste your nerves on a Chechen. Not a single guy is worth it to forgive beatings, betrayals ... It's just our guys, they rarely take Slavs seriously, most just fool the girls' heads ... Rarely in which cases our guys marry not a Vainashka. And they lie that "parents are against" and that "my parents married me." No one is forcibly marrying guys. There is no such thing for a long time. Lad-sheep, in your opinion, that he can be taken and married?! Even a girl is rarely forced to marry, but there is no such thing about guys at all. It's just a standard excuse when a guy hangs noodles on a Russian girl!
The second point is that guys allow themselves to raise their hand to a woman. For me, this is completely unforgivable. If a guy, meeting with a Vainashka, even touched her with his finger, he would be buried alive with us! We do not forgive such things. After the wedding, this can happen, although there is also a chance that the brothers, if they find out, will take the girl home and beat him themselves! Our guys, if they behave this way towards you, don't let it happen. Do not forgive, such people, they do not change. Once he raised his hand, he does not respect either you or your family, and such a person should not be forgiven, and even more so then dream of marrying him. RUN.
Don't let anyone treat you like that is my advice to you. If a guy loves you, he will marry, even though the whole world will be against it. And if he excuses himself, raises his hand, cheats on you, then he does not love you. And do not waste your nerves, your health on such a man. Believe me, girls, you are alone at home, but there are many guys and you will still find yourself worthy.
My opinion is that it is better to marry your own nation, because your own is always closer. If you marry a Vainakh guy or just a Muslim, you will have to completely rebuild your life. What is normal for a Russian is not normal for a Chechen and vice versa. Are you ready to change the religion in which you grew up for the sake of your loved one? Change your whole lifestyle? Leave old habits? It is very very difficult, I know, since my mother is Russian and I saw how much she suffered in her life, I would not wish such a fate on anyone!
Now I will tell you why I think so.
My mother got married at 17. She met her father when she was 15. Dad was 26 years old when they met. He worked in the city where my mother lived. Came, saw her, fell in love. Mom was very beautiful, and now she is beautiful! Light, naturally blonde, her hair was very long, curly, and her eyes were huge blue, with a purple tint. Well, just like a doll, I sometimes envy even when I look at her pictures in my youth. My dad was an athlete, all his life he was engaged in wrestling, tall, strong, brunette, brown eyes. He was married before his mother and had a son, he has a difficult character, so his first wife (Chechen) did not endure, she left! Mom went to school, dad accidentally saw her and went after her, he looked after her very beautifully, gave flowers, gifts. Mom fell in love with him, because before him she did not communicate with anyone, and then such a man began to court, wealthy, an athlete. Her parents (my grandparents) were very against their relationship, because dad is 10 years older, and besides, he is not Russian. They were afraid for their daughter. They said that he would take a walk and leave, they didn’t let him meet, they closed his houses, everything was useless. Mom jumped out through the first floor window and went on dates anyway. Her father even beat her hard to keep her at home. When dad found out about this, he came to talk with my grandfather so that he wouldn’t touch my mother anymore, but grandfather didn’t even let him on the threshold of the house. As a result, my father had to go back and he stole my mother to marry her when she was leaving school. I just threw it into the car and took it to Grozny. There were many proceedings later with the police, my father was put on the wanted list, but he still did not give up my mother. Brought to his parents (they all lived together in a big house). Of course, his parents were against it, very against it, they even told him to return the girl home and promised to find him a good Chechen woman, but dad was adamant.
As a result, my mother was accepted, she got married, converted to Islam. At first it was very difficult for her, because she was just a girl, and her mother-in-law was unhappy, hated her. Even once, my father's mother closed my mother in the winter in the basement so that she would freeze, but then she became ashamed. My father did not let my mother study further, he closed the house. She was very sorry that she married her father, he was jealous of her, did not allow her to go out alone, once her mother went to the store without a scarf, and the neighbors saw it. When dad found out, hit her. Even when they were invited to the wedding, and my mother went out to dance, he then hit her at home for this. He said one more time she would do that and he would kill her. Many Chechens are very jealous, owners. If mine, then mine. So they think. Mom forgot to wear trousers, she began to wear only skirts below the knee and floor-length dresses. All the neighbors discussed her, because she was Russian, they talked a lot of bad luck about her mother, invented gossip!
They even wanted to marry my father again to a Chechen woman, although he was already married to my mother, they were just brazenly trying to set him up with someone. And one person (a Chechen woman) almost hung on his neck, although she knew that she was married. Mom suffered a lot from all the people, spoiled her health. She got married and endures her father and my dad all her life. They have a very different mentality, and my mother was brought up differently than Chechens, which for us normally seemed strange to her. Perhaps if her father had not taken her by force, her life would have turned out differently. He really broke her life, and he himself could be much happier without all these problems if he had listened to his parents and married a Chechen woman!
Mom raised his son from his first marriage, and gave birth to three more children. I have younger sister and brother. I love my family very much, and I am glad that my parents are like that wonderful people but I really think that if they weren't so stubborn, they could be a lot happier!
We, their children, grew up seeing scandals, seeing assaults in the family and the disrespect of the mother-in-law for the daughter-in-law! If there had been a Chechen, Vainashka in the mother’s place, the father would not have behaved like this with her, because he would have known about the consequences! My dad always says that he will kill anyone who touches me even with a finger, but he himself treats my mother like that.
I hope this story will be instructive for many Russian beauties who communicate with the Vainakhs! Girls, I beg you, think about it, it's really very difficult, do you really want such a fate for yourself ?! It will be much easier with a guy of your nationality, believe me, my good ones. I wish every girl only good, my golden ones. Think a hundred times before you bind yourself in a relationship, and even more so in marriage with a Muslim man.
I don't know who I am: Chechen or Russian. Dad is Chechen. Mom is Chechen. Born in Chechnya in 1993. My father often left, and once he took me with him, I was then 3 years old. As it turned out, he left his Chechen wife and married a Russian. Bringing me to new family, he said that now this Russian woman is my mother. At school, with my Caucasian appearance and name, it was not easy for me, because the town is small and almost all the inhabitants are Russian. Over time, everything got better. When I was ten years old, my father disappeared. We didn't see him again. I stayed with my Russian mother (she adopted me, gave me a Russian surname). Now I am 18 years old. I have a Caucasian appearance, name and patronymic; the Chechen language was forgotten. Russian surname and family. So who am I? I also want to say that I am not baptized, but Islam was not instilled in me either. Please give advice. It's really hard for me right now. For Russians, I am a Chechen. For the Chechens, I will never be mine.
24/03/12, Maximilian
I am often asked about my nationality. I don’t dare to say that I’m Russian (and they won’t believe it, but they decide that I’m ashamed, so I say that I’m mixed, my mother is Russian, my father is Chechen) But I don’t answer Caucasians at all, I say that this is not an ethical question, but they tell me that, apparently, I'm just ashamed of my nationality. But I'm not ashamed. It's just too much to explain, and it's all very personal. I love my mother very much, I am very grateful to her for everything, I consider her dear and did not tell anyone the whole truth. And the problem is that you can’t get rid of stereotypes. I don’t know what is possible for me and what is not. After all, if I'm a Chechen, then I can't date a guy who is not of my nationality. I reduce all attempts to court guys to friendship or I say no. I can't date them! I'm a Chechen! Or not…
11/06/12, dovsh
in general, I write on your topic. made registration, I think the message will reach. as I understand you are a Chechen. mother and father are also Chechens. what you should do. The first thing is to accept Islam. Chechens without Islam are the same as gypsies without cards. 2. Ask your Russian mother who was your father, ask his last name, where he comes from, where he lived at home in his homeland. So you will find his roots, and your relatives. They will have to accept you as their own! 3. if you stay with your Russian mother, then after her death you will be left alone without anyone. you will marry someone, and you will live a Russian life without a future and a past. and in old age no one will look after you. I'm not saying to leave your Russian mother, just find your roots in your homeland, you won't regret it. trust me.
11/06/12, dovsh
no one will leave you in Chechnya and will not offend you. take the first 2 steps. If you have such a heavy past, no one will tell you anything. don't believe the rumors. mm, I don't know what else to write to you. I wanted to keep my Chechen sister and, most importantly, my future Muslim. without faith you are nothing. and faith is the continuation of life after death in heaven. The last faith that God bequeathed to us is Islam. last Prophet Muhammad alayhi salam. May Allah grant you good luck. write if you need help.
From time immemorial, Chechens have enjoyed special respect for women, because they brought people life, peace and tranquility. This is evidenced by folklore and literary sources. The presence of the “nana” (“mother”) component in phrases that are sacred to the people: “nana-mokhk”, “nenan mott”, “kh1usamnana” also speaks about the cult of the mother among the Chechens.
A woman is, first of all, a mother, because she sows and nurtures the seeds of goodness in children and families. The level of integrity depends on the degree moral education children, so it is considered the heart of the nation, its spiritual image.
Many severe trials fell on the lot of the Chechen woman. Along with beauty and femininity, she has always valued such qualities as: firmness of will, loyalty to the word, courage and courage. In the most difficult times for the long-suffering Chechen people, she shared with men all the hardships and hardships of fate. And at the same time, she jealously guarded her honor and reputation. The most striking example of this quality of our compatriots is captured in the events of two centuries ago.
After Yermolov burned the village of Dadi-Yurt in September 1819, the soldiers decided to transport 46 captive girls across the Terek, but in the middle of the river they began to rush into the river, dragging the escorts with them so as not to fall into the hands of the enemies. They died with dignity, but did not allow themselves to be dishonored. The village of Dadi-Yurt was burned down, but the feat of the valiant Chechen women will not be forgotten.
And this is far from the only example of such behavior of women who, next to their fathers, brothers, husbands, with weapons in their hands, stood up to defend their homeland.
For example, the daughter of a well-known Chechen sheikh, a prominent religious and political figure in the North Caucasus of the 19th century, Gazi-Khadzhi Zandaksky Tea (Toa), before she had time to get married, stood side by side with her brothers on ghazavat during the Chechen uprising of 1877 under the leadership of her cousin Alibek-Khadzhi Aldamov. She died in a battle in the vicinity of the village of Simsara in the Nozhai-Yurt region in early October 1877 and was buried there. Her grave - "Tei Kash" - is known to any resident of Simsar, young and old. She became the Chechen Joan of Arc, a national heroine, whose name and deed her descendants must know and remember.”
It is gratifying that in memory of the heroic girls who preferred death to dishonor, a holiday has been established in our republic - the Day of the Chechen Woman, which is celebrated annually on the third Sunday of September.
We know many examples of the unprecedented heroism of the daughters of Chechnya. Their selfless love and devotion to the Motherland could sometimes overpower the attachment to the family and children when she blessed her sons for protection. native land. And this despite the fact that the Chechen mother has always been an example of maternal love, affection and care. Her maternal instinct is stronger than her self-preservation instinct.
There are many myths and legends about how strong mother's love is. They say that a certain young man fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate his feelings. He began to pester with matchmaking and then the hard-hearted girl told him that she would marry him if he brought her the heart of his mother.
Blinded by love, the young man came home, killed his mother, took her heart and carried it to the girl. On the way, he stumbled and fell to his knees. Then the mother's heart sympathetically asked him: "Are you hurt, son?" That's how strong a mother's love is. Therefore, it is customary for Chechens to treat their mother, her relatives, and also the wife's relatives with special respect.
A prominent place is occupied by a woman in Chechen folklore and literary sources. In national mythology, "tsenana" is the "mother of fire", and fire is life. According to mythology, the mother of fire lives in fire and is the guardian of purity. This good spirit gives people hot food, light and warmth. Therefore, the most terrible curse of the Chechen people is "so that the fire goes out in your house."
My heart bleeds when I remember an incident told to me by one of my acquaintances. It was in the cold February of the monstrous 1944, when the Chechens were expelled from their native land. During a long and terrible journey, in freight cars pierced from all sides by an icy wind, death tirelessly mowed down even the hitherto healthy. The escorts simply threw the bodies of the dead to the side of the road. railway. At each stop, the cars were inspected by soldiers to find corpses, since there was no question of their voluntary transfer, although people were shot on the spot for deliberately hiding the dead or opposing the removal of corpses.
In the same car with my friend, who told me this scary story, a young mother was traveling with a baby. The child could not stand the ordeal and died in the arms of his mother. However, the mother, who wanted to bury her child according to customs, hiding the grief that befell her from the “defender of the Fatherland”, did not show it. Every time the soldiers entered the car, she imitated breastfeeding and rocked her baby in her arms, as if trying to calm him down. This continued until the very arrival at the places of special settlements, where the baby was buried.
A difficult story that is difficult to listen to without tears, but at the same time, this is an example of a mother with a capital letter, this is an example of a Chechen mother! It was about such mothers that our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) spoke: “Paradise is under the feet of our mothers.”
There is no need to delve into the distant past to give examples of the exploits of Chechen women. It is enough to follow the last two decades and we will discover countless examples of this. The heroines of our time, despite the early gray hair and bottomless fatigue in the eyes, on average - no more than fifty. The tragic events of the 90s fell on their youth. It was they who saved children and the elderly during bombing attacks, without dividing them into friends and foes. It was they who, risking their lives, transported the wounded through federal checkpoints. It was they who had to save the civilian population from starvation, abandoned to the mercy of fate in the most terrible days. It was our women who supplied the republic, squeezed in the grip of hopelessness, with provisions and medicines. To do this, they had to go to neighboring republics and literally on their own shoulders, fording the river (as it was at the famous Gerzel post), despite the bad weather, dragging bales and boxes, bags and trunks with such long-awaited products, medicines and items of the first need.
During the period of post-war devastation, Chechen women worked tirelessly on an equal footing with men, restoring the republic, and in a variety of industries: at construction sites and in libraries, in shopping malls and on the stage, in government and housing and communal services, in medicine, education, social household service.
And at the same time, Chechen women, as a rule, always remain restrained and modest, not for a moment forgetting their original purpose and the need to exist in harmony with the precepts of their ancestors. This is the peculiarity of the Chechen woman, this is her value and dignity.
The Chechen woman is the keeper of the hearth, the Chechen mother, the Chechen woman is a symbol of purity and purity - behind all these epithets one can see the scale of the Chechen woman's responsibility to society, to her ancestors and descendants. But the great mission that she carried out with dignity for centuries, raising sons - konakhs and guarding the hearth, was not limited to this.
The role of women in Chechen society is as important as it is responsible. From century to century, a Chechen woman stood guard over family values and traditions established by her ancestors.
The Vainakhs have the concept of “konakh” (“ko - “son” + “nah” - “people”, that is, the son of the people, a true man - this is what the Chechens say about a brave, noble, courageous man. He acts in Chechen folk poetry as a fighter for truth and justice, showing bravery and courage in battles with the enemy and foreigners". This concept, as a rule, we associate with the representative of the male half: bearded, mustachioed, armed and wearing a hat. In this we are deeply mistaken, because konakhom - brave ", a woman can also be a noble person. Today there are many of them among us. Another woman behaves much more worthily than some men. They are usually called "konakh-zuda" - (worthy woman). This is the highest assessment of a woman. We had them , is and will be.
The fact that a Chechen woman was put in a very humiliating position in the 90s is largely to blame for us, men.
Recently, the position of women in our society has certainly changed. Indeed, unlike some foreign countries, where women are reduced to a humiliating and dependent position, the role of women in our society continues to increase every year, and our women - free, proud, talented and beautiful - not only successfully cope with their direct duties , but also try to compete with the stronger sex in traditionally male areas of activity, although this, of course, is far from always good. There is nothing more terrible than an excessively emancipated woman, because a woman (and a Chechen woman, all the more - M.O.) in any circumstances must maintain tenderness, femininity, modesty.
In my opinion, women-mothers and women-workers should be surrounded by special attention in our republic. Beyond measures social support taken by the leadership of the republic in relation to the weak half of the population, we celebrate three women's holiday: International Women's Day; Chechen Women's Day and Mother's Day, established by Decree of the President of the Russian Federation in 1998. It is celebrated on the last Sunday of November.
So our republic is perhaps the only one where women are celebrated three times a year. This, of course, is not enough. We must constantly protect them, surround them with attention and care.
Often, men, being convinced that this world is in their care, forget that they themselves, from birth to the last breath, are surrounded by the vigilant care and attention of women. And we hardly notice that, in addition to the main burden at work, they carry on their fragile shoulders all their lives the exhausting burden of our daily life, and after all, most men, if they had a chance to do ordinary women's affairs, in all likelihood, very quickly they would stretch their legs (maybe I'm exaggerating a little - M.O.), but personally I have no doubt that in everyday terms our women are much more enduring than us men, and besides, much more sensitive and, of course, kinder. Therefore, probably, if women still ruled the world, then there would be much fewer wars in the world.
In some countries, women are appointed to the most responsible positions up to the Minister of Defense. And not at all because they are glorious warriors, but because a woman in the most extreme situation will sincerely try to save human life, because only those who, by the will of the Almighty, know life for sure its real price.
If we, men, were a little more attentive to our beautiful half, each new day could become bright, rich and joyful for them. To do this, it is enough to look around, appreciate the beauty and charm of the women around us. Throughout the history of the Chechen people, they have been distinguished by devotion to the family, diligence, tolerance and wisdom. Therefore, the present and future of our people largely depend on them.
Our dear women, with all my heart I wish you good health, well-being, great human happiness, success in all your affairs and undertakings!
Let the warm spring sun energize you, and let the festive mood, joy and love of life always be with you!
Movla Osmaev
Information agency "Grozny-inform"
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I knew from childhood that my parents were of different nationalities.
When I was three years old, my parents divorced, my mother took me and left for Siberia. In general, this is very difficult to do in Chechnya. In a divorce, children usually stay with their father. Even if they are left with their mother, they are rarely allowed to be taken out of the republic.
After the divorce, I did not see or hear from my father. I tried many times to get in touch with him, but did not meet reciprocity. I didn't despair. In 2013, I first came to Chechnya. But when I came to my father at work, he said that he did not know me, and put me out of the office. This is where my story of communication with my father ended. I think the reason is banal: misunderstanding between father and mother, some old grievances against mother. And I know that he told his students and colleagues about me, showed me my photos, but did not want to communicate with me. I don't see the logic in this.
I grew up in a Tatar traditional family, in strictness: the Tatar language, Tatar cuisine, customs too. Everything is as it should be. As a child, I did not know at all that Chechens and Tatars are something different. For me, the main thing was that both of them are Muslims, and our customs are in many ways similar. As I got older, I began to understand the difference. Mom told me about the customs of the Chechens - what is possible, what is not. I always knew that when the elders come in, you have to get up. When meeting, you need to hug sideways so as not to touch your stomach. Mom told me how to behave at a Chechen wedding - she is a choreographer of Chechen dances and understands all this very well. She explained what could and could not be said in Chechen society. Many topics that are openly discussed in Russian-speaking society are somehow veiled among Chechens. For example, you can not say "she gave birth" or "she is pregnant." You need to say, "she has a child" or "she will have a child." You should not talk to your male relatives about your young man. Young people are always hiding from their girlfriend's relatives. The guy does not directly tell his relatives that he is going to get married, this is done through his mother, and then with some indirect, conditional phrases.
Mom always explained the reason for this or that custom. At first it was strange for me, but then on an intuitive level, I began to follow all these little rules. I can't explain in words why this is important in this society, but I have adopted this method of communication. Now I myself can’t say “she gave birth” in front of a man.
They prove all their lives that they are real Chechens
I didn't have a culture shock when I arrived in Chechnya. In principle, the traditions of the Chechens largely coincide with the code of conduct for girls in Islam. But when I began to communicate more with my countrymen, I ran into the problem of nationalism. Some people said: “Is your mother a Tatar? Everything about you is clear then.
Never had any problems with friends and colleagues. I have many friends in Chechnya. This problem comes up when it comes to family formation. The idea that our views are, of course, cosmopolitan is constantly in the air, but only until you try to become part of our family. And if a person does not know me personally, bias on a national basis cannot be avoided. And such Chechens, in my experience, are no less than 30%.
At some point, because of this, my personal life did not work out. This was directly presented to me as a disadvantage: she does not know the language, she did not grow up in Chechnya, she did not absorb everything she needed with her mother's milk. And as a verdict - “unteachable”, since it is allegedly impossible to learn this. I still can't figure it out. I learned Tatar, Russian, English and German. Why can't I learn Chechen? You can absorb everything if you want.
Moreover, in blended families, women make twice as much effort to prove that they are worthy to live in this society. In turn, their children absorb this and spend their whole lives trying to prove that they are nothing. worse than children who have both Chechen parents.
It was a surprise for me that guys whose fathers are Chechens and their mothers are not faced with exactly the same problems when creating a family. They are also not very willing to marry, they are treated the same way as mestizo girls. It runs like a red thread throughout life. They do not enjoy proper respect, authority among neighbors, fellow villagers, and so on. They fight all their lives and prove that they are real Nokhchi (Chechens).
Here, in Chechnya, when entering into a marriage, even belonging to one or another teip can be a decisive issue, to say nothing of nationality.
“My father had real estate in Chechnya, but after his death it turned out that we had nothing.” Karina, 30 years old. Mom is Tatar, dad is Chechen
Parents met in Saratov, where dad came to work. Mom was engaged in trade, dad was in construction. Mom was a beauty, a blonde. She immediately liked dad when she saw him, but she did not show it, especially since dad had a bunch of fans. Dad sought mom for a very long time, but the relatives of both were against it. Mom's father was against his daughter marrying a Chechen, and dad's relatives did not want a Tatar woman as a daughter-in-law. They tried to introduce the father to the Chechens, but he was not interested, because he was in love with his mother.
Then my father delivered an ultimatum to his family, saying that they would lose their son and brother if they did not approve of his choice. They had to agree.
In the end, my mom turned out to be the perfect daughter-in-law. My dad kept all his big family helped the brothers' families. His mother even said that it was necessary to marry all the sons to Tatars.
When I was three years old, we moved to Grozny. I learned the language in three months, running with children in the village. My mother did not know the Chechen language, and when my father's relatives spoke Chechen in her presence, I demanded that they speak Russian so that my mother would understand what they were talking about. Dad tried to teach his mother the language, she understood something, but she could not speak Chechen, because the language is difficult and it is very difficult to learn it when you are already an adult.
I didn’t think about the fact that my mother was “different”. Well, she does not know the language and does not know. I sometimes heard something unkind about her, I didn’t like it, and I started to snap. Later, when I grew up, I realized how difficult it was for my mother. Firstly, a strange environment, and secondly, my father's relatives have complex characters.
Dad died during the war.
After that, everything changed. We are no longer needed. My father had real estate in Chechnya, but after his death it turned out that we had nothing. We have not been able to obtain inheritance from relatives. We went to Saratov, to my mother's family. Mother's relatives helped us until she got on her feet. I received my higher education in Saratov.
I was bored in Saratov, I needed to communicate with the Chechens, I wanted to speak my native language. Every summer I wanted to go to Grozny, I adored my village, my relatives. I still love them no matter what. I really wanted to live in Grozny and work there. In addition, Ramzan Kadyrov called on young people to return to their homeland and help restore Chechnya. I wanted to be needed by my republic. It must have been passed down to me from my father. He madly loved his homeland and was ready to help every Chechen, even if he was not his relative.
I would not want my brother to marry a Russian
After university, I came to Chechnya with ambitions. She lived in the countryside and found work in the energy industry. I just came, got an appointment with the director of the enterprise, left him my resume. They took me to work. Every day I spent an hour on the road from the village and back. Before moving, I met Chechens on Vkontakte. When I lived in Chechnya, I met a lot of people personally, I had many friends and acquaintances. Every day someone met me while I was on the bus.
But emotionally it was hard. This is a society that paralyzes you. After a while you get used to it and think it's normal. I missed my mom. And it was hard to live with relatives. I'm not used to gossip, showdowns, discussion and condemnation.
I did not experience difficulties in work and everything that was connected with it. On the contrary, I could “break through” wherever I needed to. I was offered several times to change jobs, but I was not satisfied with either the salary or something else. In general, it is not easy for an unprepared person to work in the Vainakh society. After living in Chechnya for four years, I went on vacation to my mother and realized that I did not want to return. Especially one. And I moved to Moscow.
I feel more like a Chechen. But I love being mixed - I grew up in two cultures, even if they are similar in many ways. It seems to me that if my mother was a Chechen, I would be completely different. I'm glad to see mestizos. But only those who, like me, have not become Russified, but remember and honor their roots.
Most of my friends are those who lived outside of Chechnya, in Russia or in Europe. People who lived in Chechnya all the time are unique, but those who, for example, lived all the time in Moscow, are different, they have different concepts, views, and thinking. They are more loyal in some matters.
I often travel to Chechnya. I would like to build a house there. But I don't want to live there permanently. I would like to come there, live for a month or two, until I get bored, and leave.
Marriage in Chechnya is a very complicated matter. I am a free man and do not want to lose my freedom. This is scary. I do not aspire to be a careerist, if my husband will provide for me - please, I will be a housewife. But I want to not be limited in my communication, leisure, personal space. I am still searching for myself. I don't want my husband to stop me from driving or working.
I have a brother and I wouldn't want him to marry a Russian. I am very opposed to this. I want my nephews to be Chechens so that my brother gets to know his native culture even more through his wife. She and I must have a lot in common. I need a sister, not a daughter-in-law.
"You will never be accepted." Magomed, 33 years old. Mom is Russian, dad is Chechen
My parents met in Kazakhstan. My father stayed there after the deportation. He was very small when the Vainakhs were evicted, he went to school there, grew up, studied, worked. There he took place as a man, met his mother. I was born there. In 1989 we moved to Grozny. I was six years old. We used to come here for our summer holidays. My father's relatives all lived in Grozny.
When I was little, many Russians lived in Grozny. I had friends Vadik, Dima. No one has ever told me "your mother is Russian". Then it didn't matter. I really loved coming here as a child. There was no such nature in Kazakhstan, but here cherry grows everywhere, there is a lot of greenery.
At school, it sometimes happened that someone tried to bully me with the fact that my mother was not a Chechen, but I cannot say that this somehow traumatized me. I have no resentment or complexes. I communicate well with classmates, childhood friends.
My mother probably had a hard time at the very beginning, because my father's relatives were not delighted that he married a Russian. Now they all respect her very much. The father always did what he considered necessary, without listening to anyone, and his relatives had no choice but to accept his choice. In addition, my mother was a serious support and support for my father, everyone saw this. There was nothing to complain about.
If you are a decent person, stay that way, follow the norms accepted in this society, and everything will be fine
It is much easier for guys whose parents are of different nationalities to start a family than for mestizo girls. find today good guy- to work, bring home money, treat his wife normally, respect her - it’s quite difficult. Therefore, when girls meet a civilized, adequate guy, it already means a lot to them. I only once had a situation where a girl reacted negatively to the fact that my mother was Russian. She's changed her face. I asked if there was a problem with this, she replied that her parents would never agree to marry her to a “non-purebred”. I'm glad that it all ended there, I don't want to connect my life with the one who was shocked by the news about my Russian mother.
There is everyday nationalism in Chechen society, but this is a common phenomenon for all small peoples. Despite the fact that many peoples of the North Caucasus do not live now the way their fathers and grandfathers lived, almost everyone has this concept of “we are special”. We cultivate it more than any of the neighboring regions.
In Chechnya, anyone can come up and ask: “Are you a Chechen?” There were unpleasant situations with the Chechen language, when they discussed me in front of me, knowing that I did not understand everything. But that was in my youth. Now I have become impenetrable, little can hurt me.
There are times when a woman comes to a family and immediately tries to become a different person. My mom is not like that. I am different too. It has always been and is. Not least due to the fact that my parents are of different nationalities. And I love it.
When you try to be like someone you're not, it doesn't look good. For example, if a girl whose father is a Chechen and her mother is not, tries very hard to be a real Chechen, so that, God forbid, no one thinks that something is wrong with her, she loses her individuality.
I understand these people. They want to join, so as not to be, as they say, and not here, and not there. And now they begin to show, they say, guys, look, I look like you, I'm the same, accept me. But this is a big self-deception: you will never become like them. If you are a decent person, stay that way, follow the norms accepted in this society, and everything will be fine.
There was one funny incident in my life. I studied at the university in Moscow. It was 2002, when Chechnya was unsettled. The teacher knew that I was from Chechnya and asked: “Are you not a full-blooded Chechen?” I answered that my father is a Chechen, my mother is Russian, and he says: “Oh! Terrible hybrid for our times.
My father is Chechen and my mother is Chechen. My father lived to be 106 years old and married 11 times. By the second marriage, he married a Jewish woman, Sofya Mikhailovna from Odessa. I always call her and only her “mother”. She called me Moishe.
This is when all Chechens were resettled in Central Asia. We lived in Frunze. I spent all my days with the boys in the yard.
Moishe! she screamed. - Come here.
What mom?
Come here, I'll tell you why you're so skinny. Because you never see the bottom of the plate. Go eat your soup. And then you will go.
“Moysha has a good mixture,” they said in the yard, “mother is a Jew, father is a Nazi.” Exiled Chechens were considered fascists there. Mom did not eat herself, but gave everything to me. She went to visit her friends from Odessa Fira Markovna and Maya Isaakovna - they lived richer than us - and brought me a piece of strudel or something else.
Moishe, this is for you.
Mom, are you eating?
I don't want.
I began to lead a circle at the meat-packing plant, taught ballroom and Western dances. For this I received a bag of horse bones. Mom tore off pieces of meat from them and made cutlets in half with bread, and the bones went to the broth. At night, I threw the bones away from home so that they would not know that they were ours. She knew how to cook a delicious meal out of nothing. When I began to earn a lot, she cooked chicken necks, tsimes. She cooked herring in such a way that one could go crazy! My friends at the Kyrgyz Opera and Ballet Theater still remember: “Misha! How your mother fed us all!”
But at first we were very poor. Mom said: “Tomorrow we are going to the wedding to Melomedy. There we eat gefilte fish, goose cracklings. We don't have this at home. Just don't be shy, eat more."
I already danced well and sang "Varnechkes". It was my mother's favorite song. She listened to it like the anthem of the Soviet Union. And she loved Tamara Khanum because she sang "Varnechkes".
Mom said: “At the wedding you will be asked to dance. Dance, then rest, then sing. When you sing, don't move your neck. You are not a giraffe. Don't look at everyone. Stand against me and sing for your mommy, the rest will listen." I saw the rabbi, the bride and groom under the Chuppah at the wedding. Then everyone sat down at the table. Music played and dances began. Mom said: "Now Moishe will dance." I danced five or six times. Then she said: “Moishe, now sing!” I stood up against her and began: “You are dumb, woo dumb, woo dumb? ..” Mom said: “See what a talent!” And they said to her: “Thank you, Sofya Mikhailovna, that you raised the Jewish boy correctly. Others, after all, are like Russians - they don’t know anything in Jewish.”
She was my stepmother and a gypsy. She taught me to guess and steal in the market. I was very good at stealing. She said: "Zhidenok, come here, we will sing."
I was accepted into the troupe of the Kyrgyz Opera and Ballet Theatre. Mom attended all my performances. Mom asked me:
Moishe, tell me, are Russians a people?
Yes mom.
Are Spaniards people too?
People, mom.
And the Indians?
Are Jews not a people?
Why, mother, also the people.
And if it's the people, then why don't you dance the Jewish dance? In "Eugene Onegin" you dance a Russian dance, in "Lakma" you dance a Hindu dance.
Mom, who will show me the Jewish dance?
I'll show you.
How will you show me? (She was very heavy, probably weighed 150 kg.)
What about legs?
You'll figure it out yourself.
She hummed and showed me "Freylekhs", it is also called "Seven Forty". At 7.40 a train departed from Odessa to Chisinau. And everyone was dancing at the station. I revered Sholom Aleichem and made myself the dance "A Junger Schneider." The costume was made, as it were, from scraps of material that remain with the tailor. The trousers are short, the back is made of a different material. I danced it all. This dance became my encore: for an encore I repeated it three or four times.
Mom said: “Baby, do you think I want you to dance a Jewish dance because I'm Jewish? No. Jews will talk about you: have you seen him do the Brazilian dance? or Spanish dance? They won't talk about Jewish. But they will love you for the Jewish dance.”
In Belarusian cities, in those years when Jewish art was not very encouraged, Jewish spectators asked me: “How did you get a Jewish dance?” I answered: "I allowed myself."
Mom had her own place in the theater. They said: "Misha's mother is sitting here." Mom asked me:
Moishe, you are the best dancer, you get the most applause, why do everyone wear flowers, but you don't?
Mom, we have no relatives.
Isn't that what people wear?
No. Relatives.
Then I come home. We had one room, an iron bed stood against the door. I see: my mother with her head under the bed and something is scurrying about there. I speak:
Mom, get out immediately, I'll get what you need.
Moishe, she says. - I see your legs. Now, make sure I don't see them. Come out.
I walked away, but I saw everything. She pulled out a bag, took out a darned old felt boot from it, and a rag from it. In the rag was a wad of money tied with twine.
Mom, - I say, - where do you get such money from?
Son, I collected so that you do not have to run and look for something to bury mommy. Okay, bury and so.
In the evening I dance in Abdurakhman's Raymond. In the first act, I fly onto the stage in a chic cape, in gold, in a turban. Raymond plays the lute. We meet eyes. We look at each other in fascination. There is a curtain. I haven't actually danced yet, just popped up on stage. After the first act, the administrator gives me a luxurious bouquet. The flowers were handed over to the administrator and told whom to give. After the second act, they give me a bouquet again. After the third - too. I already understood that all this is mommy. The performance was in four acts. So after the fourth there will be flowers. I gave all three bouquets to the administrator and asked in the final to give me all four. He did just that. They said in the theater: “Think, Esambaev was thrown with flowers.” The next day, mommy removed the wilted flowers, it turned out three bouquets, then two, then one. Then she bought flowers again.
One day my mother fell ill and was in bed. And they give me flowers. I bring flowers home and say:
Mom, why did you get up! You need to lie down.
Moishe, she says. - I didn't get up. I can not get up.
Where are the flowers from?
People understood that you deserve flowers. Now they wear it to you.
I became the leading theater artist in Kyrgyzstan, received all the awards there. I love Kyrgyzstan as my Motherland. I was treated like a family member there.
Shortly before Stalin's death, my mother learned from her friend Esfir Markovna that the deportation of all Jews was being prepared. She came home and says to me:
Well, Moishe, as Chechens we were sent here, as Jews we are evicted even further. Barracks are already being built there.
Mom, - I say, - you and I have already learned how to ride. Wherever they send us, we will go there, the main thing is to be together. I will not leave you.
When Stalin died, she said: "Now it will be better." She wanted me to marry a Jewish woman, the daughter of Pakhman from Odessa. And I took care of an Armenian woman. Mom said:
Tell me, Moishe, does she feed you? (This was during the war years.)
No, - I say, - does not feed.
But if you looked after Pachman's daughter...
Mom, she has skinny legs.
And his face is so beautiful, and his hair ... Just think, he needs legs!
When I married Nina, I can’t say that friendship arose between her and my mother.
I started teaching dances at the Ministry of Internal Affairs School - money appeared. I bought my mother a gold watch with a chain, and Nina a white metal watch. Wife says:
You bought your mom with a gold chain instead of buying them for me. I am young, and my mother could wear simple ones.
Nina, - I say, - aren't you ashamed?! What good mom seen in this life? Let at least be glad that she has such a watch.
They stopped talking, but they never fought each other. Only once, when Nina, sweeping the floor, came out with garbage, mother said: “By the way, Moishe, you could marry better.” This is the only thing she said about her.
My daughter was born. Mom took her in her arms, put her between her big breasts caressed. The daughter loved her grandmother very much. Then Nina and her mother figured it out on their own. And my mother says to me: “Moishe, I’m looking after Nina, she’s still not bad. And the fact that you did not marry Pachman's daughter is also good: she is spoiled. She wouldn't be able to do that for you." She and Nina began to live together.
During this time, the father had already changed several wives. He lived not far from us. Mom says:
Moishe, your father brought a new nikewa. Go take a look.
Mom, - I say, - she's so scary!
It serves him right.
She died when she was 91 years old. It happened like this. She had a sister Mira. She lived in Vilnius. Came to us in Frunze. She began to invite her mother to stay with her: “Sofa, come! Misha is already a family man. He won't be gone for a month or two without you." As I dissuaded her: “The climate is different there. You can't at your age!" She says, "Moishe, I'll eat a little and then I'll be back." She left and never came back.
She was very kind person. We lived with her wonderful life. Never needed my father. She has replaced my own mother. If they were both alive now, I would not know who to approach and hug first.