The guy turns his girlfriend against her mother. Parents against my boyfriend. What to do? What to do if parents are against a guy - we become wiser and look for compromises

If you are in love with a girl, and after meeting your parents, they oppose her, you should not make scandals and say that you choose not them, but her. Remember that parents are the most precious people in your life (of course, before you have children of your own), so in such a situation, you should by no means give up on them. Be wiser. Talk to mom and dad, explain to them how much you love them and respect their opinion, but they should also listen to your emotions and feelings. Tell your parents about how many good qualities your soulmate has and find out what exactly they don’t like about her. Most likely, they will answer your question, you will understand what causes their caution. After that, you can arrange a conversation with your favorite girl and explain to her that your parents are not happy with some points in her behavior. If she truly loves you, she will definitely make an effort to change and please your family. Maybe she has some bad habits that she will have to give up for the sake of your future together, or, for example, she behaves too liberated, which can also be easily corrected.

Why might parents not like a girl?

Understand that negativity towards your significant other can be caused by various reasons. The first of them is banal jealousy. It's just that your relatives are afraid that with the beginning Serious relationships, you will stop paying attention to them, and you will spend all your free time only with your passion. Surround your parents with attention and care, let them understand that despite the appearance of another person in your life, they will still forever remain the closest and dearest people to you.

The second reason for parental hostility to the girl is the negative statements of society about her and her family. If before that, mom and dad did not have time to get to know your soulmate, correct the situation and, as soon as possible, arrange their meeting. Let them communicate with the person to whom you gave your heart and make sure that all the words spoken by third parties are just rumors, not confirmed by real facts. From this acquaintance you will also get one more plus - your parents will understand that you not only trust them, but also treat your beloved with complete seriousness, and do not consider your relationship with her to be another affair.

I HAD A STORY. I am 34 years old. I have a child of 9 years old from another person with whom I do not live. Met a charming guy. He was 5 years younger than me. We met for half a year, everything went VERY WELL, AS IN A FAIRY TALE. My boyfriend liked a lot of people who knew him. He was cheerful and hardworking. I'm not saying that he also had flaws, but they were minor. He came to spend the night with me. His parents liked him. But after half a year suddenly came an unexpected turning point. Parents abruptly forbade us to meet at my house. Looked for some more absurd reasons. My parents told me to rent an apartment, that there are women like me, they pull both an apartment and a child, and they dress well, etc. But in our city it is difficult to find a well-paid job. I liked my work, I good specialist , but I couldn’t afford an apartment for a salary, especially with a child. The guy also earned a little, and I was afraid to live with someone, I was afraid of family problems. We began to meet on the street, at the entrance, ..., in the winter. Rented a room for an hour a couple of times. Sometimes he invited me to his house, but this was rare, because. he lives with his mother in a dorm room. At home, I started constantly swearing because of the little things. My child got sick more often. My health deteriorated, I turned black, my hair began to fall out, weakness appeared, for which I could not find reasons. But we continued to meet. We met like that for another 8 months. My parents were always unhappy that I was dating him. But then an even worse moment came. The guy offended me, I didn’t talk to him, but then he asked for forgiveness and I forgave him. We started dating again. But somehow my father found out about this insult and forbade me to meet with him then categorically. My father began to follow me everywhere, to interfere with our meetings. He began to take me everywhere by car. The guy made appointments for me, but I couldn't come. And one of the days the meeting did not take place again, because. my father took me in a car so that I would not meet with him, and on this basis I had a nervous breakdown, I opened the car door 2 times when she was driving, but it was not suicide, I was just in despair, there was a psychosis. But the next day I came to my senses. Tried to calm down. But my father, without my knowledge, told me in a psychiatric hospital that I was suicidal. They took me to the hospital, kept me for 2 months, injected terrible drugs that I almost literally died from them, spoiled my health, I gained enough weight from the drugs, but I didn’t see the calming effect from them, I just slept. After leaving the hospital, the guy looked for me. I decided not to meet with him because of my father’s prohibitions, although I loved him very much. The guy offered to meet secretly, sought out meetings. But it was not possible to meet secretly. Even if we met, my father came to that place and had to disperse. I started having sexual disorders on this basis. My father began to persecute me even more severely. He came to my work every hour, looked to see if my boyfriend came there. Picked up from work, called, listened to phone calls ... My father said that I was sick. If he sees me with that guy, he will put me back in a psychiatric hospital and will not take me out of there again. I didn’t meet the guy already, I sent him, although I loved him. But my father didn’t believe me, every day he cursed me, called me names, didn’t let me go anywhere alone, even to the store, went everywhere with me in the car, went to the store, counted my money. He said that I didn’t give a damn about my child, although I constantly worried about my son, especially for his health, went to hospitals with him. My son is an excellent student in school. Father was in control. This went on for a year. Then the unexpected happened. My boyfriend abruptly left for another city for several years due to unexpected circumstances for him. For some reason, I started to look better. I decided to go to a fortuneteller and find out about all this. She said that I was cursed for separation in a Muslim cemetery (my boyfriend is a Muslim) and brought her to his mother, the guy was "SEALED" from me. She also said that another girl brought me "damage to beauty." Now he is in another city and communicates with the same girl.

Let's talk today about the parents of your beloved man. More specifically, about your boyfriend's mom. Even more precisely - if his mother is against your relationship. It rarely happens that the mother of her beloved boyfriend immediately likes a girl. That's why she is a real mother :) How to deal with this situation and what can be done, we will consider below.

The guy's mom, she's the mother-in-law: against!

First, let's clarify that mothers are different. Therefore, sons grow up in different conditions. Broadly speaking, there are three options:

1. Mom raised her son.
2. The son grew up on his own.
3. "Mama's boy" grew up.

Now let's calmly deal with each option and ways to deal with the dissatisfaction of the future mother-in-law with the choice of her son.

Mom raised her son a good and caring mother who raised her boy in the hope of seeing in her daughter-in-law the same caring woman for him. But if there was a conflict between the expected image and you, then you are not the person he needs (according to the future mother-in-law).

The solution can only be a patient finding out what exactly alerted. After all, you are a normal and good person. It just “seemed” something to her or there was some kind of misunderstanding in communication at first. And from that moment on, everything went wrong. Your task: to tactfully find out what exactly did not like and what was “not right”. Then just put everything in its place.

Convinced over time that any normal mother will change her attitude - his happiness is above all for her. You only need patience and tact to build relationships with your mother-in-law. What is simply necessary for your happy family life.

The son grew up on his own There are such mothers (it's hard to call mothers) who live for their own pleasure. A child (son) is born simply as a tribute to social norms and under pressure from the family/husband. The sons of such mothers grow up like roadside grass - without the usual motherly love. Having matured early, the son becomes independent and brings you to his mother just for "acquaintance". The choice of a beloved woman has already been made for him and he considers introducing you to other family members simply a necessary formality.

That's just the guy's mom against your relationship. After all, by this time she is already aged and requires increased attention and care. What is not included in your plans for life in any way :) Why is there a conflict: mom is against it! The solution is simple: your boyfriend will protect against the claims of his mother-in-law, as he does not consider them correct. Which is quite fair.

The "mama's boy" grew up: The son is the light of the eyes and the most precious thing in life for some mothers. I will say right away that it will be difficult for you to snatch your beloved “child” from tenacious caring hands. But if you succeed, then your fate is to become a "mommy" for your boyfriend, since the "sissy" state of mind remains for life.

To please her in order to establish mutual understanding is useless here. Such a mother is always convinced that something else is needed for her son: “better, more educated, more caring, more attentive, etc.” By the way, even if you break up with a guy, the next contender for the title of "daughter-in-law" will hear the same claims. Whether to go further along this path and seek recognition from the mother-in-law is up to you. Mine is a warning :)

Possible options for dissatisfaction of the mother-in-law with the choice of her son are not limited to the above examples. Life plays with colors and clear zones in it: like / dislike. I tried to give examples of the most common situations when his mother is against your relationship. Your case (if it happens, God forbid) may have another reason for disagreement with the future mother-in-law. If she's normal loving mother then in time you will find mutual language. If not: remember that the main thing is your love and direct all your strength there. Good luck.

Save so as not to lose!

Finally, this long-awaited time has come, you met the guy you dreamed about all your life. He is honest, caring and kind. He gives flowers, beautifully looks after. You can rely on him, if you need protection, he will give it. His eyes speak louder than words, he definitely loves. And you yourself think about him day and night. What can I say, he is “the one”.

But, as often happens, there is one snag, one "but" - it's his parents. It would seem that everything went well, but then it turns out that they didn’t really like you. Moreover, the parents are against your relationship with their son. How to get out of this seemingly hopeless situation? How to improve relations with his parents?

Remember all the details of your first meeting.

The very first thing you need to do is to analyze your acquaintance and subsequent communication. Perhaps you behaved not very correctly? Maybe you were too harsh or rude. Or were you joking ugly? Perhaps you put your parents in an uncomfortable position? You need to adequately evaluate your behavior. If it's hard to do, ask your boyfriend's opinion. You can always see more from the outside. If some shortcomings in your behavior are not noticeable to you, then your boyfriend sees them clearly.

It just so happened that decent parents want a homely, modest, economic girl for their son. Parents rarely like too loud, arrogant, lazy girls. Very often, guys who grew up in a family where there are a lot of rules are looking for that girl who loves to break them. Such a girl helps the guy open up, liberate himself, get away from the set of rules imposed in childhood.

But just imagine that in the cleanest house, where Mozart sounds, and it is not customary to be late for dinner, a girl comes - informal. She speaks louder than everyone else. She can afford to eat with her hands. To a remark addressed to her, she can respond with rudeness. And remembering what a disaster the acquaintance with his parents turned out to be, you understand why they didn’t like you.

This does not mean that you are worse than these people or that you are not of their circle. You are just different. You have different values ​​in life, a different upbringing. Perhaps you are easier on many things than your boyfriend's parents. For example, you do not understand why dress up for dinner? Why can't you eat in your room? Why can't you walk after 22:00? Why are there so many rules? You surprised everyone with your arrival. Parents simply were not ready for such a meeting, they were not ready for such a choice of their son.

If you are a well-mannered, modest girl and behaved with restraint, then it’s another matter. In such a situation, it is very difficult to understand what exactly his parents did not like about you. Perhaps they did not like your plans for the future? Or were they alerted by the story about your family? Perhaps they did not like your appearance? It is unlikely that your boyfriend will tell you the truth. It's between him and his parents. He simply does not want to offend you, or maybe he himself does not know the reasons for their antipathy towards you. How to fix it? How to improve your relationship?

Charm his parents

In order to improve the attitude of his parents towards yourself, first of all, correct what you have already done. Be more restrained, try to speak more slowly, clearly and legibly. Smile. Observe the customs and rules of this family, try to comply with them. Watch your appearance. You must always wear clean and ironed clothes. You must look well-groomed, neat and tidy.

Do not come to your parents' house empty-handed. You probably won't be there very often, so bring something small each time. It can be flowers or homemade cakes. By the way, a homemade apple pie or a Napoleon cake made by your hands will significantly raise your “rating” in the eyes of your future mother-in-law. She will immediately understand that you are an economic girl and with you her son will never go hungry. For many mothers, it is very important that their son's life partner knows how to cook, can sew on a button, if necessary.

Find an Approach to Each Parent

Probably everyone has heard the expression: "Divide and rule." It is also worth doing, in this case. Talk to mom and dad separately. Finding an approach to dad will be generally easier than ever. Feed him delicious pastries, smile, talk to him about football or fishing. Find out in advance from the guy what exactly his dad loves. Perhaps he likes cars or collects old coins? Discuss with him his favorite brands of cars, tell us about yours. Ask him why he became interested in collecting coins. Perhaps you have a couple lying around at home, give them to your future stepfather. He will be very pleased with the attention from your side, you will earn a tick.

With mom, things are much more complicated. A couple of compliments and a bouquet of flowers will not solve this problem. How can you win her over to your side? First of all, as mentioned earlier, mom should see you as a hostess. Bring her your baked goods. Every time you come to dinner, help her in the kitchen.

You should always offer your help to set the table or cut something. She needs to see how caring you are. Then, show her how you've been brought up. This good manners, the ability to behave at the table. It would seem elementary not to put your elbows on the table, but many girls do it, and many mothers notice it.

The guy's mom will appreciate it if you ask her for advice. This can be advice not only with regards to the kitchen, but also any other topic. This will awaken in her maternal instinct for you as a potential daughter. The main thing is to be sincere in this. You don't have to come up with reasons. As a last resort, you can ask her for the recipe for her signature pie, then bake it and bring it to her to sample. The future mother-in-law will be very pleased that she is appreciated, and her dishes are praised.

Impress your parents with your hidden talents. Perhaps you know how to embroider, knit or draw? Parents will be very pleased if you give them a picture created by yourself. It can also be beautiful cross-stitch or beadwork. If you can sing, then somehow at the next feast it’s not a sin to demonstrate it. But it should not be intrusive. Let your boyfriend, as if by chance, talk about your talent. And then your beautiful voice will captivate the ears of all those present.

Much important for all parents is your behavior next to their son. They will always notice how you look at him, how you behave when you are near him. They will wonder if you really have serious, deep feelings for their son. But you don’t need to show your sympathy with everything. There is no need to shout about how much you love him on every corner of the house. You can’t sit in his arms all the time, kiss, touch him in front of his relatives. This will show your bad manners and disrespect for his relatives. You need to be more restrained.

Believe me, the eyes, sometimes, can say much more than words.

Remember, you live with him, not with his parents.

Unfortunately, it often happens that the guy's parents do not like the girl, for no particular reason. It all depends on what kind of people they are. Perhaps it matters to them that the girl's family is not so rich. They consider themselves people of a different circle, and do not want their son to connect his life with a simple girl.

Another reason for the antipathy of parents to the girl may be the lack of education. There are different situations in life. Very often, many families simply do not have the opportunity to pay for their child's education at the university. It may also be that the girl is an orphan, and after school she had to get a job to feed herself and her sick grandmother - the only guardian.

Another, no less common reason for antipathy towards a girl brought by a son is that they have already chosen a profitable match for him. Even in our twenty-first century, there are parents who are looking for a worthy bride for their son in advance. Such people do not believe in marriage for love. Arranged marriages are popular in this circle. They can promise their son to some family, and they are not interested in his opinion on this matter.

Many wealthy parents are new girl son with suspicion. The same question is always brewing in their head: “What if she does not love our son? What if all she wants is our money? On the one hand, this attitude can be explained by the fact that every parent worries about their child. Every mother and father worries about their son not being used. But these worries should be limited only to their own thoughts. Parents can talk about their suspicions with their son, but they cannot insist on anything.

But, unfortunately, often these suspicions are not limited to conversations, but are accompanied by screams, reproaches and even prohibitions to meet with your girlfriend. It is not right. Each person has the right to make his own choice and decide his own destiny. But many girls are worried about this. Who wants to connect his life with a malicious mother-in-law and father-in-law, who is also not happy with these relationships.

In such a situation, it is important for a girl to observe the behavior of her boyfriend. Does he stand up for you in front of your family? Or does he silently listen to all the negative comments? If the guy is a sissy, you should not even try to build a relationship with him. He will always listen to his mother, and will never defend you even if she is wrong.

If the guy defends your rights in this house, protects you, directly says that he loves, this person is worthy. You can marry this guy. If he protects you even from the closest people, next to him no enemy will ever offend you. And here it is already worth listening to the phrase: "Remember, you live with him, and not with his parents." If they don't bless you, spit. Not everything in this life happens the way we want it to.

If you're just dating him, you have nothing to worry about. Hang out, spend time together, go on dates. You don't have to come to his house when they're there. If they don't want anything to do with you, you don't have to strive either. Pretend they don't exist.

If you are going to get married, the situation becomes more difficult. Prepare for unpleasant conversations in advance. But in the end, they will have a choice, either accept the fact of marriage, believe you and accept you into the family, or not. If they don't bless you, no problem. Get married, settle far away from them. Let the son visit his parents, you won't. If they forbid the wedding altogether, you can run away. If your feelings are so strong that you will go for it, do not be afraid.

If a guy offers to run away before refusing, remember how important this person is to you. You can't miss your happiness just because his parents don't like you. Know that the love of your life is worth fighting for. Love must be won, because it is worth it.

If you are just about to meet the parents of your beloved, these tips come in handy. Do not be afraid and wait for the worst outcome. It is important to do everything to please the relatives of your boyfriend. This is important not only for him, but also for you. For everything to work out, you need to follow only a few rules.

First of all, take care of your appearance. It's not just about clean clothes and neat hair. What is worth going to? In shorts? In jeans? In a dress? Definitely, it is best to wear a dress or sundress. You need to look as gentle and feminine as possible. Don't wear red or black. Choose something white, soft pink or peach. If it's summer, you can wear a bright sundress with a floral print.

Don't come empty-handed. Be sure to buy mother's flowers or bring candy. A great option would be homemade cakes. This will kill two birds with one stone. nice gift plus a good first impression. All those present will immediately understand that you are economic and this will play into your hands. At the table, behave modestly, but not too much. Keep up the conversation, be lively. You don't have to be a dying swan. You must be funny, witty and pleasant in communication.

You will be asked questions, feel free to ask them back. No need to sit and be silent. Ask something about your boyfriend. What he was like as a child or something like that. Any mother will enjoy the interest in her own son. Feel free to praise the house, dishes. At the end of the evening, say how nice it was to meet your parents. Remember that it is important to be sincere, remember to smile and you will succeed.

Pages of women's secrets

Many girls wonder what to do if their parents are against a guy. After all, you want to keep yours. There are ways to convince them of the seriousness of your intentions and get them to agree to meetings. The main thing in this is to be persistent, otherwise nothing will come of it.

Dinner and conversation with parents

On the forums, you can often find a message: “Parents are against my boyfriend, they are trying to separate us by any means, what should I do?”. Girls just don't know what to do in this situation. Psychologists recommend having a dinner and inviting your lover to it. During it, you should talk with mom and dad about your love. Of course, it will be difficult to convince them that you are serious, but here a guy should enter the arena. He needs to make arguments in favor of your meetings.

It is natural for parents to be concerned about their child and it is worth understanding them as well. To reassure them, the beloved must formally ask them for permission to meet with you. Any mother's heart will tremble when she hears kind words addressed to her daughter. Even if the parents are against your boyfriend, they will think about the words of your boyfriend and allow you to meet.

Very important during dinner. He must show gallantry, patience and show himself on the good side. Things will not get off the ground if the guy needs to go out for a smoke to collect his thoughts, or if he uses youth slang in a conversation. It is important to understand that the meeting is official, so you need to show maximum tact and be polite. After all, most guys want to seem cool in the eyes of their mom and dad, and as a result they spoil everything.

If at a meeting with parents a young man cannot prove that you are ready for anything for the sake of a relationship, then they will not be allowed to meet. Perhaps they will take time to think, but as soon as the beloved leaves, they will immediately express their opinion. As a result, the chance will be lost, and you will have to think about how to fix the situation.

How to convince parents to give permission to date a guy?

Girls often ask themselves: “Mom is against my boyfriend, what can I do about it?”. In most cases, they do not find a suitable answer and meet the young man on the sly so that the parents do not see. However, it cannot go on for so long, everything secret can become clear at any moment. It is better to try to convince mom and dad on your own that nothing bad will happen.

Parents often worry that their daughter might be offended. Some are afraid that you will make a lot of mistakes, so they try to protect you from this. If mom is against the guy, then you should tell her about your feelings. Most likely, she will say that this is youthful maximalism, which has nothing to do with love. However, you should explain to her that next to this guy or man you feel happy. He may not be ideal, but perfect people do not exist - everyone has their own shortcomings.

It is important to let your mother know that you will not give up, but, in turn, understand her. After all, she wants to save you from pain, disappointment. You would probably do the same for her. Of course, talking about a guy will not be easy, but you can always try to come up with arguments that will convince parents to give permission for meetings.

Often, dad and mom are afraid that relationships with a young man can negatively affect their studies. They may say that now is not the best time to think about guys. You have to make sure they are wrong. Prove that you are an adult who knows how to prioritize. Try to study diligently, complete assignments and, if possible, please your parents with excellent grades. If there is a chance to participate in a project, olympiad, competition, then do not get lost. After all, you can take a prize and brag about it to your relatives. Thus, you prove that the relationship with your lover does not interfere with studying well. Subsequently, they will not mind meeting a guy and will treat him better. They will understand what motivates you to new achievements, which means that you should not resist it.

What to do if your parents forbade you to meet with your lover?

When mom and dad forbid dating a young man, many girls resort to extreme measures. Some run away from home, others attempt suicide, others correspond and see their lover on the sly. In any case, they do not see a way out of this situation. However, it is worth sitting down and thinking about the question: “What can convince my parents to believe in the sincerity of young man?».

It is advisable to find out from them why they are negatively opposed to your lover. It happens that a guy or a man annoys mom, he has bad manners, a reputation, not the best family. For each of the above arguments, a more weighty one should be given - then it will be possible to convince a loved one.

At the same time, the beloved should not hide behind your back. He should also act decisively. It is best if he comes in the evening and has a serious talk with his parents. By asking for official permission to date you, he will show that he is not playing with your feelings. In any case, dad and mom will think about his words and subsequently will not mind meeting.

If the question is “What should I do if my boyfriend is forbidden to see me even after talking with his parents?” remains relevant, a compromise must be found. When dad and mom are afraid to leave you alone, meet on your territory. You can spend time together in front of your parents. A young man can even arrange a joint trip to the cinema. Of course, this may seem to some not quite a modern solution. However, it has its advantages. For example, a guy will show himself as a gallant gentleman by buying popcorn and drinks for everyone. After several such meetings, dad and mom will make sure that their daughter is not in danger, and subsequently they will not suspect the young man of terrible things.

If the parents are against your boyfriend, this does not mean that the relationship will have to end and. Better try to convince them that the beloved is a good man which will not harm you. The ideal option it will be if he himself comes and officially asks mom and dad for permission to meet with you. This will convince them of serious intentions and allow them to get permission to meet.