Divorce because of mother-in-law. How to let your mother-in-law and father-in-law understand not to interfere with the family

Husbands often complain to others that “the mother-in-law interferes in our lives and does not give us a pass with her advice and nagging.” Because of such interference, conflicts arise in families, which sometimes even lead to divorce. In this situation, it will be useful for the husband to know how to behave correctly with his mother-in-law.

First of all, you need to understand the reasons for such behavior on the part of the mother-in-law. This is often due to a reluctance to let the daughter go into adulthood and come to terms with the fact that the mother no longer plays a central role for her. The daughter now has her own family, and the mother, whether she wants it or not, fades into the background. This does not mean at all that the daughter began to love her mother less, she just became an adult, she now has her own family, to which she needs to devote time and energy. But the mother-in-law interferes with the family, wanting to return everything to its previous course. In this situation, for her, her son-in-law is a competitor and an invader who needs to be fought.

To cope with the problem, both members new family must acknowledge the problem and try to deal with it. The daughter must finally understand that she is no longer a child, she now has her own family for which she needs to fight. And the husband should support his young wife and guide her along this path. If the mother-in-law begins to attack her son-in-law, the daughter should under no circumstances allow this. With all possible delicacy, she must make it clear to her mother that she takes her husband’s side. At the same time, you cannot succumb to the manipulations that the mother resorts to like: “I have dedicated my whole life to you. You are ungrateful" and so on.

You should be extremely careful when trusting your mother-in-law with raising your grandchildren. Still, the main word should be with the parents; they should decide how to raise their children. It is necessary to immediately establish clear rules and make it clear to the mother-in-law that they will be followed in any case.

It happens that a husband is offended that his wife listens to her mother and allows her to interfere in the life of a young family. Such a wife should take a clear position, decide whose side she is on, and try to act as a peacemaker in the relationship between the mother and her other half. It must be remembered that by constantly taking the side of the mother, such a woman risks being left without a husband and living her whole life without having built a strong family. A subtle psychological move in such conflicts, when defending your husband, is to call your position “we,” making it clear that the young family is one whole.

No matter how difficult it is, you need to try to find separate housing. Then many problems will disappear on their own. It is easier to maintain normal relationships at a distance, and the fight for territory between son-in-law and mother-in-law will stop. It is best that the new housing is located at a sufficient distance from the parents’ apartment. Otherwise, it is likely that the mother-in-law will come regularly for visits. Sometimes such a mother-in-law’s fixation on the child and his new family is associated with her own unsettled personal life. In this case, you can try to find her a soul mate or, at least, a hobby.

There is a custom in Latin America. If a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are walking towards each other on a narrow path, the mother-in-law must lie down on it, and the daughter-in-law must walk straight along the mother-in-law. And in Polynesia, the mother-in-law has the right to follow her son-in-law only when his traces are washed away by three waves of the sea.

Mother-in-law should remember that true wisdom is to allow the child to grow up and live his own life. Otherwise, all her guardianship and care will not help make her daughter happier, but, on the contrary, will instill in her inferiority and a feeling of her own inferiority.

Husbands often complain to others that “the mother-in-law interferes in our lives and does not give us a pass with her advice and nagging.” Because of such interference, conflicts arise in families, which sometimes even lead to divorce. In this situation, it will be useful for the husband to know how to behave correctly with his mother-in-law.

First of all, you need to understand the reasons for such behavior on the part of the mother-in-law. This is often due to a reluctance to let the daughter go into adulthood and come to terms with the fact that the mother no longer plays a central role for her. The daughter now has her own family, and the mother, whether she wants it or not, fades into the background. This does not mean at all that the daughter began to love her mother less, she just became an adult, she now has her own family, to which she needs to devote time and energy. But the mother-in-law interferes with the family, wanting to return everything to its previous course. In this situation, for her, her son-in-law is a competitor and an invader who needs to be fought.

To cope with the problem, both members of the new family must acknowledge the problem and try to cope with it. The daughter must finally understand that she is no longer a child, she now has her own family for which she needs to fight. And the husband should support his young wife and guide her along this path. If the mother-in-law begins to attack her son-in-law, the daughter should under no circumstances allow this. With all possible delicacy, she must make it clear to her mother that she takes her husband’s side. At the same time, you cannot succumb to the manipulations that the mother resorts to like: “I have dedicated my whole life to you. You are ungrateful" and so on.

You should be extremely careful when trusting your mother-in-law with raising your grandchildren. Still, the main word should be with the parents; they should decide how to raise their children. It is necessary to immediately establish clear rules and make it clear to the mother-in-law that they will be followed in any case.

It happens that a husband is offended that his wife listens to her mother and allows her to interfere in the life of a young family. Such a wife should take a clear position, decide whose side she is on, and try to act as a peacemaker in the relationship between the mother and her other half. It must be remembered that by constantly taking the side of the mother, such a woman risks being left without a husband and living her whole life without having built a strong family. A subtle psychological move in such conflicts, when defending your husband, is to call your position “we,” making it clear that the young family is one whole.

No matter how difficult it is, you need to try to find separate housing. Then many problems will disappear on their own. It is easier to maintain normal relationships at a distance, and the fight for territory between son-in-law and mother-in-law will stop. It is best that the new housing is located at a sufficient distance from the parents’ apartment. Otherwise, it is likely that the mother-in-law will come regularly for visits. Sometimes such a mother-in-law’s fixation on the child and his new family is associated with her own unsettled personal life. In this case, you can try to find her a soul mate or, at least, a hobby.

There is a custom in Latin America. If a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are walking towards each other on a narrow path, the mother-in-law must lie down on it, and the daughter-in-law must walk straight along the mother-in-law. And in Polynesia, the mother-in-law has the right to follow her son-in-law only when his traces are washed away by three waves of the sea.

We are all accustomed to the fact that parents often interfere in the family life of their children. In this regard, we can recall the fact that almost until the middle of the twentieth century, in most countries, it was the parents who decided who their son should marry or who their daughter should marry.

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It so happened that their influence on family life became decisive and decisive. Let us at least remember Ostrovsky’s “The Thunderstorm”. There, the mother not only twisted her son as she wanted, but also drove her daughter-in-law to suicide, and her son failed to protect his wife. But it was the mother who largely destroyed the family life of her son, who overnight became a widower.

There is another striking example - “Quiet Don” by Sholokhov. Grigory Melekhov's father himself decided who his son Grigory would marry. And he was not particularly interested in the fact that his son loved another.

Noble noble families betrothed their children as soon as they were born. As a result, not only tragic but also comic situations often arose. Let us remember the magnificent film “That Same Munchausen,” when the baron, during a divorce from his wife, says: “I was born not only as a boy, but also as a husband. Jacobina and I were engaged, but we had not loved each other since childhood. In the church, to the priest’s question, we unanimously answered “no!”, and we were immediately married.”

And only in the second half of the last century the situation changed, and children themselves began to choose who to marry and who to give up. However, the weakening of parental control is in no way connected with the fact that parents often try to establish their own rules in a young family. Even when they live separately from the young.

But the biggest problems arise when parents live with a young family. And if fathers react to everything quite calmly, then mothers... This is a different and more complex question. And it makes no difference whether the mother-in-law or mother-in-law lives with the newlyweds.

The mother-in-law will always have a lot of complaints against her son-in-law: she doesn’t earn as much as she needs, and her daughter doesn’t love her so much, and she treats her very badly. But it’s even more difficult if the mother-in-law lives with her daughter-in-law. Because she will inevitably interfere in the life of the new family, teach and demand. For some reason, any mother is sure that her son’s wife does not care for him properly, does not cook properly, does not clean properly. And if a husband and wife share housework, then there’s a problem. Stories from everyone she knows about how her son was unlucky with his wife are guaranteed.

So, what should you do if your parents are trying to influence your family life and want you to do everything according to their rules? Firstly, there is no need to make a scandal and spoil the relationship. It is enough to say quite firmly and harshly that you are satisfied with your wife or your husband. And it’s up to you to decide, without regard to your ancestors. And here you will be one hundred percent right.

The second way out is more radical - if your parents are trying to get into your family life, but live separately from you, then you need to end your relationship with them for a while. Until they understand that you are already an adult and will not allow anyone to twist and turn you around. And even more so, influence the relationship with your wife or husband.

There is a third way out - it’s normal to talk to your parents and explain that you are already adults and will determine your own life. However, this option is only possible when talking with adequate and understanding relatives.

It also happens that parents, but already at the rank of grandparents, meddle not only in the relationship between husband and wife, but also try to influence the upbringing of their grandchildren. I have one friend who lives quite happily with her husband and son. But exactly until one of the grandmothers visits them. Here the parents immediately become “knowing idiots.” And the child hears all this, drawing certain conclusions.

A friend of mine endured all this and endured it, and then she spoke rather harshly with her mother. The grandmother understood everything and now does not interfere not only in the upbringing of her grandson, but also in her daughter’s relationship with her husband. And life immediately became much easier. Because the main thing is to live your life and not let anyone spoil it. Even to your own loving parents.

In a difficult relationship with their parents, a husband and wife need to stick together and under no circumstances complain to their relatives about their other half. Otherwise, if parents are not tactful enough, the life of a young family can turn into real hell. And often things can lead to divorce.

So, if you want to live happily, never let anyone interfere in your family’s life.

Hello!

It’s just boiling over and I don’t know how to deal with it and with whom in the first place.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and married for a year and a half, my wife is now in her 6th month. We live in our apartment in the same town with my mother-in-law and father-in-law, the distance between the houses is about 1 km, not that far.

A little about myself, I am a manager and also have my own business.

My wife, a pharmacist, works in another city and manages 3 pharmacies, works from morning until late evening; she previously worked in our city and worked only until lunch.

So at first everything was fine, I worked all day, then went to the gym, met with friends, did small business in my free time, and there was a lot of it because... My wife wasn’t home after work, sometimes she was out with girlfriends, playing sports, going somewhere with her mom, etc. We only met for the night, time passed. Each of us has our own bank account, our own car, everyone bought everything with their own money because... lived without a receipt. Her parents constantly asked for something: give me a car, borrow money, take her mom here and there, etc. because They don’t live well with their father-in-law (he’s loud-mouthed and arrogant, like PPC, a former cop from KZ) and he doesn’t take her anywhere.

So before we were not scheduled and everyone managed their finances as they wanted, but I always consulted with my wife both before and after the wedding, but she didn’t, her brother needs a car - please (after the wedding), I only found out about this when I was indignant about where the student got that kind of money for a new Audi - then the answer from my wife was “I borrowed it for him” - a couple of days later he was already driving a new Audi, I also remained guilty of our further quarrel when I asked why not at first consulted with me. It turned out this way, every day after work she drives past her parents’ house, they always need something from the pharmacy, then her father says, her brother bought a car, he needs money, give it to him, you still have it lying around... it turns out. They buy a car, they don’t have their own money, but they know where they will give it 100%. If my father-in-law needs a car with a towbar, we have two of them, then he also calls and says bring me the car, if he needs money, the same song - bring it, when he gives it away - come and pick it up.

When I asked my wife to spend more time at home, because... all the “household” is on me, I’m alone in this city, I have nowhere to go or go, I don’t go to the gym anymore, my friends are all with families and wives and I don’t want to bother them every day either, and in the end I have a wife with whom I want to spend time - she ignored me, this already happened before the wedding, but now her pregnancy period is growing every day and the behavior of her father-in-law and mother-in-law has not changed, they call her at any time at work, on her mobile and they don’t care Whether she’s driving or whether she has time for them, she always owes them something, regardless of the fact that it’s already hard for her. When he comes home, and this is no earlier than 20:00, then naturally I’m already angry because... Now, due to her pregnancy, she works until 17:00 and spends at least 3 more hours riding somewhere; she reacts aggressively to my calls to stay at home more.

This kind of bullshit has been going on since the first day of our wedding, i.e. since I started putting pressure on spending more time together, spending more time at home, etc. because If I don’t fulfill the tasks set jointly, we have a scandal that comes from my wife, she doesn’t fulfill her tasks... because... I'm very busy, I don't have time and I'm tired...

It wouldn’t be anything, but from the daily scandals I actually lost my nerves, my eyesight, my back, etc. Initially I was guilty of stress at work, but it turned out that I go to work like I’m going to a resort, sometimes I don’t want to come home from work.

When the father-in-law and mother-in-law are out of town and the wife is at home, she is calm and everything is great with us, but when they saddle her every day, she is on edge and cannot refuse them, that’s how she was brought up. My influences on her end in a huge scandal and the initiative comes from her side; very often lately she has started telling me “pack up your clothes and fuck off”

Where to start and how to present it? that's the question

Don't take me for a whiner, there's simply nowhere else to get advice