Why the whims of a child are unsafe. Psychologist's advice to parents: what to do if the child has become very capricious. About parental love

A capricious child is often perceived by parents as a real punishment. However, it is very important to understand that the whims of children often have their source in the behavior of adults. Calming a naughty child is not easy. Therefore, the best way to avoid children's whims is to identify the cause of the abnormal behavior of the baby. Is it difficult to do this without having a special psychological education? The difficulty here lies only in the fact that children's tantrums and whims require systematic and persistent eradication. Parents, preoccupied with their own problems, often behave haphazardly with respect to the baby, thereby aggravating the neurotic manifestations of his behavioral reactions.

Thinking about how to deal with children's whims, parents must first of all realize their responsibility and the need for mutual well-coordinated educational work. We must not forget that very often children's whims are only a reflection of the behavior that adults resort to. If an aggressive or conflicting style of communication between spouses is adopted in the family, it is very difficult to expect that the child will not show behavioral anomalies. It is important for parents to remember that even in the smallest details of behavior, they are an example to follow and inherit for their baby. So, what are the main reasons for such an unpleasant phenomenon as children's whims?

On the one hand, for a child, the manifestation of irritability and capriciousness in many situations is quite natural. But if the baby starts crying and whimpering too often because of any trifle, this state of affairs, of course, requires correction. When the most acute question arises of what to do if the child is naughty, the first advice that any psychologist will give is the need to find the reasons for such behavior.

Perhaps if a child cries constantly, this is an innate character trait. However, this happens extremely rarely. Most often, it is enough just to find external stimuli, because of which the child cries and acts up all the time. Typically, children's whims are due to the following factors:

Poor health and malaise. It is difficult for a child to understand why he may become ill in a purely physiological sense. Fatigue, poor health, digestive problems are very common causes of capricious behavior in children. For example, if a child is naughty at the breast, then, most likely, the process of eating causes him to bloat or colic. It is difficult for a baby to explain what is bothering him. In such situations, only maximum patience on the part of the mother is required. No less patience and care will be required from parents in cases of indisposition of older children. During illness, adults often behave waywardly, what can we say about babies?
Conflicts and psychological tension in the family. Children of different ages are very sensitive to the communicative microclimate that develops in adult relationships. If conflicts regularly occur in the family, mutual claims between the father and mother appear, or it comes to assault, this cannot but affect the child's psyche. No matter how old the child is, he will be very sensitive to any disagreements that occur between the parents. Difficult relationships between father and mother are often the reason why the child has become capricious and naughty.
Spoiled. Starting from the first days of life, fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers strive in every possible way to please, pamper, satisfy their family pet. Whatever he asks, he is bought and immediately served on a saucer with a blue border. And then adults wonder why they have such a capricious child, what to do with his constant claims? Constant satisfaction of any requirements of the baby is a very unsafe way of education. It will be very difficult to explain to a child or teenager why a moment suddenly comes in his life when his desire ceases to be a law for others.
. At the turn of the age of three, even a very obedient baby can become quite wayward. Parents often wonder why the child is naughty, because he used to behave like a good boy. The fact is that at this stage a person develops an urgent need to assert his independence. The kid wants to do everything himself. And here, as many as 2 factors are combined, because of which the child is constantly naughty. Firstly, he fails a lot, because it is very difficult at the age of 3 to cope with everything on his own. And secondly, parents, not realizing the new needs of the baby, continue to do everything for him, thereby only strengthening the protest, which can only be expressed in increased capriciousness and disobedience.
personal reasons. Older children already have individual factors that influence their behavior. The student may have something. He will be embarrassed to admit it directly, thereby exacerbating internal tension. If the child has become very capricious, it is advisable for parents to find out what happens to him in those hours when he is out of parental supervision. very often associated with the processes of growing up and puberty.

Whatever the reasons for disobedience and children's tantrums, it is very important for parents to understand how to respond to the whims of the child and how to calm their beloved child. Do I need to immediately resort to a harsh reprimand, or even, or are there other effective ways to cope with the whims of a child.

What can and cannot be done by adults when a child is naughty?

So, are there any specific tips on how to calm a baby who has fallen into hysterics and uncontrollable indignation? As paradoxical as it may sound, capricious children educate their parents even more than they influence them. It is important for adults to understand that in no case should you show your own irritability or aggression during. Mutual negative emotions will only accumulate and intensify. Even in traditional parenting systems that provide for corporal punishment, there has always been a strict prohibition against spanking a child while in a state of indignation or rage. Today, it is not recommended to show even verbal aggression towards a capricious child.

Thinking about how to behave with a capricious child, it is first of all important to learn the following principle: during a child's tantrum, it is necessary to maintain maximum composure. It is often difficult to follow this rule. But no one promised parents that upbringing would be a simple process. Whatever an adult is going to do, he must appear before the baby in the guise of complete calm. Only in this way can one earn credibility with a capricious crybaby. Next, you should choose one of the strategies of behavior, which will have to be strictly adhered to from day to day.

Reasonable Concessions

When planning the process of how to calm a capricious baby, you must first decide what concessions you can make. It is important to determine to what extent parents are ready to give the baby a certain independence, in order to then limit his behavior to certain limits. This can be called a soft option.

If parents can develop a rational system of concessions and restrictions, the child will gradually get used to what he can and what is forbidden. When a tantrum enters the active phase, it can be shown that adults are ready to make concessions, but at the same time, after preventing crying and whims, the child should immediately present some restrictions. A satisfied and calmed baby will perceive them more calmly. Adults definitely need to use this illusion of the negotiation process.

Communication on an equal footing

The best way of educational prevention of children's whims is frequent and regular communication of parents with the child. Such communication should be built on a trusting basis, take place on an equal footing without the use of an instructive, mentoring tone. The more often each of the parents will talk with the baby, the less likely it will be for him to find a reason for hysterical seizures. At the same time, it is best to start establishing such a communicative connection from the second year of a child's life, even if he himself cannot yet fully speak.

Parents often underestimate the communicative, conversational part of the educational process. It is believed that education is the building of a certain system of restrictions and prohibitions. In fact, education is the introduction of a child into life. And if parents want the baby to fit optimally into their lifestyle, regular conversations are simply necessary. Unfortunately, such communication is often relegated to the background or third plan, because parents are constantly busy with more important things.

Clearly setting boundaries

Often the father and mother do not agree on how to deal with the whims of the child, and act in isolation. One of the parents allows the baby more, while the other, on the contrary, tries to establish a system of strict prohibitions. On the one hand, this leads the child to a state of bewilderment, and he does not learn to rationally explain his behavior and the actions of others. On the other hand, he learns by trying to get the more compliant parent to fulfill his own desires.

The most unfortunate behavior of parents is a situation in which they come into conflict with each other, arguing about whether to satisfy the whim of the child or to forbid what he demands. Mutual claims, resentment and irritation of parents will certainly lead to the fact that whims and tantrums will only intensify. Adults must clearly define the boundaries within which they will jointly keep the desires of their naughty child.

We switch the energy of capriciousness to creativity and physical activity

Most often, unspent energy flows into the child's capricious behavior. In order to minimize the degree of mental stress shown by the baby, it is advisable to give him the opportunity to do some active work during the day. Walks, jogs, active outdoor games, sports activities suitable for a particular childhood are the best vaccine against unreasonable capriciousness.

Creative activities are also very useful for the child's psyche. The kid can be occupied with coloring, folding the designer, modeling from plasticine. At the senior preschool age, it is desirable to take the child to the school of creativity, which will have not only a developing, but also a disciplining effect. The more energy the baby spends on active pastime, communication and creativity, the less strength he will have for whims and tantrums.

Whatever educational strategy parents choose, it is important to understand that the main responsibility lies with adults. Once you start to implement your educational plan, it will not be possible to leave it halfway.

There are many reasons why a child may be naughty. In each case, it is necessary to deal with the problem in order to avoid serious consequences in behavioral, psychological and physical development. Unfavorable factors that can lead to whims include improper upbringing, health problems, poor climate in the family, and age-related changes.

The appearance of a child in a family is a great joy. Parents have new chores and new responsibilities. If the baby is naughty and cries, then the condition completely unsettles the parents. The first months after birth, crying in most cases is caused by imperfections in the nervous and digestive systems. By three months, causeless crying disappears, and parents already recognize the cause.

Whims in the evening and at night

When the baby cannot fall asleep in the evenings, and the parents know for sure that he is full, they are not worried about gases, then the reason is related to overexcitation. The baby reaches hysterics and falls asleep only closer to midnight. Perhaps during the day we walked a lot, there was a meeting with new people. Having screamed enough, the child falls asleep. Some children need to be rocked.

Causes of whims and methods of dealing with them

If the cause of whims is associated with an illness, then it is necessary to call a doctor at home. He will prescribe the right treatment. You cannot give any medication on your own. Otherwise, the cause is easily eliminated. It is required to either change a wet diaper, feed it with milk, put it to bed or give it a drink.

Physiological imbalance

In infancy, the child still cannot explain his desires and is not fully aware of his feelings. The result is a physiological imbalance. The baby begins to cry, act up because of hunger, thirst, illness, bad sleep.

Wrong sleep pattern

The lack of a constant regimen causes violations in the behavior of the child. Therefore, parents should make adjustments to the daily routine:

A newborn baby sleeps up to 18 hours a day. The duration of night and daytime sleep does not exceed 3-4 hours. Wake time should not exceed two hours. If you miss this time, then the baby will be difficult to put to sleep. During night awakenings, you do not need to turn on the light, play or talk for a long time with the baby.
By three months, the duration of sleep decreases to 14-15 hours. During the day, the baby should go to bed twice. If he does not sleep during the day, or the duration of sleep is not more than 35 minutes, you should seek the advice of a doctor.
If the baby sleeps little at night, then the reason may be related to the dry air in the room, uncomfortable clothing, and vivid daytime emotions. The baby may not sleep well due to a cold, teething.

When a child wants to sleep, he yawns and rubs his eyes with his fists. If parents notice that the child wants to sleep, but does not fall asleep, you need to help him. You can get a massage, rock your arms, sing a lullaby.

Thirst

From birth, the child should be allowed to drink plain water, especially if he is fed with mixtures. If the room is hot and dry air, then the amount of liquid should be increased.

Hunger

To understand that the baby is naughty because of hunger, you can by the following signs:

crying appears immediately after feeding;
whims after a short period of time after the next portion of milk;
daytime sleep became short;
greedily begins to suck on the breast or bottle.

If there are other signs, then the cause may be related to other factors.

Family microclimate

The bad atmosphere in the family negatively affects the child. Quarrels and conflicts between parents lead to tantrums and bad behavior.

Parents need to sort things out when the child is not in the room. You need to educate him in love, calmness, affection and understanding.

Overprotectiveness and overindulgence

It is not necessary to do everything for the baby from the very infancy. He should be given the opportunity to act independently in some situations. Excessive attentiveness, frequent gifts, the desire to protect the baby from trouble negatively affect his behavioral sphere. The kid gets used to achieve everything with tears and tantrums.

Age changes

As the child grows up, several crisis periods are distinguished. During the crisis stages, changes occur in the psychological and physiological state. At this time, the child is capricious a lot, wants to do the opposite, contrary to his parents, wants to declare his adulthood.

Medical Causes of Sleep Disorders

Medical causes of sleep disorders in children include:

neurological diseases (neurosis, hyperactivity);
somatic disorders (rickets, pathology of the liver or kidneys).

In all these cases, the help of specialists is needed. In most cases, it does not do without the use of drugs.

Other reasons

The task of parents as early as possible to clarify the cause of the whims and crying of the baby. Sometimes the condition indicates a disease. In the latter case, other symptoms appear (rash on the body, fever, cough, change in stool).

Colic in a newborn

The accumulation of gases in the intestines is accompanied by a sharp, unpleasant pain, so the baby begins to cry. The phenomenon most disturbs the first months of life. Additional symptoms are:

the baby is pushing;
pulls legs and presses them to the tummy;
fingers clenched into a fist;
blushes.

If the baby is breastfed, then colic often appears due to the foods that the mother ate. A nursing woman should strictly monitor her diet and not eat forbidden foods.

Crying after vaccination

Many children experience behavioral changes and deterioration after vaccination. After being vaccinated against hepatitis B, the child feels unwell, dizzy and has a headache, he may feel sick, his body temperature rises, and indigestion occurs. The trip to the hospital and the injection itself are stressful for the baby. In response to all these phenomena, the baby becomes capricious, screams and cries, sleeps and eats poorly. Therefore, doctors recommend giving antipyretic, anti-inflammatory, painkillers in the first days after vaccination.

After vaccination with DTP, the body temperature rises, the digestive organs are disturbed, a cough and runny nose may appear. Often the development of allergic manifestations.

On the day of vaccination, the child should be given a remedy for fever and pain, as well as for allergies. These days it is recommended to apply the baby to the breast as often as possible. BCG vaccination is accompanied by unpleasant symptoms, against which the baby becomes capricious and whiny. Sleep is disturbed and appetite is lost.

On the days of vaccinations, you need to pay as much attention to the child as possible. Small children do not understand the reason for their poor health, so the task of parents is to give medicine and ensure a calm atmosphere.

weather change

Experts say that weather phenomena negatively affect the condition of some children from birth. Bad effect:

sudden change in temperature;
increase in atmospheric pressure;
wind;
increased air humidity;
magnetic storms.

Children most affected by the weather are those born prematurely, those who have recently undergone surgery, and those who have problems with the functioning of internal organs.

A few days before the weather changes, the baby changes in behavior. He can be capricious all day, sleep is disturbed, appetite decreases. Parents should inform the doctor about this. As a preventive measure, massage, physiotherapy, acupuncture, exercise therapy can be prescribed.

How do whims manifest themselves depending on age?

It is important for parents to take into account age-related changes and crisis stages in the process of education. Only in this case it is possible to avoid conflicts with the child and prevent the appearance of whims.

Infants

Babies under one year old require special attention. Whims and crying can indicate discomfort and illness, so behavior cannot be left unattended. Why do babies act up at 1 month old? A month-old baby is naughty and cries due to hunger, fever, wet diapers. As soon as the discomfort is eliminated, the baby becomes calm and cheerful. At 2 months, the baby cries because of discomfort (wet diaper, uncomfortable clothes, hot air, change in weather), lack of attention and communication, fatigue or pain.

All of these reasons can cause anxiety in the behavior of a 4 and 5-month-old baby. An additional factor is teething. At 8 months, the child begins to actively explore the world around him. The appearance of new people, prohibitions, the wrong daily routine, little attention - all this negatively affects the behavioral sphere of the baby.

Baby is naughty before bed

If a two-month-old baby is periodically naughty at bedtime, the reasons may be associated with vivid emotions and pain. Emotional overload. Not only negative, but also positive emotions excite the nervous system of the baby. Two hours before bedtime, you should exclude active games, watching TV. It is useful for a baby to bathe in water, listen to calm music, read a book. The same reason can lead to changes in the behavior of a child older than 6 months.

Wrong daily routine. From the age of 3 months, the baby should be taught to get up and go to bed at the same time. Teaching needs to start, as closer to 7 months it will be more difficult to do this. Parents are sounding the alarm when the baby suddenly began to act up sharply during motion sickness. This usually happens with babies over the age of 10 months. Grown up babies no longer need motion sickness before going to bed, they just need to be laid in the crib.

During feeding

When a baby cries, whines during feeding, the condition may indicate a disease (otitis media, stomatitis, sore throat).

If the baby is crying and acting up at the breast, there may not be enough milk, a strong flow of milk, or an unpleasant aftertaste of milk.

Whims in one year

At 1.5 years old, whims and crying appear in response to prohibitions and refusal. Parents need to be consistent and consistent in their demands.

Two years

Children are already aware of what is possible and what is not. It is easier for them to explain the reason for the ban. In the case of whims, the child's attention is easily switched to another object or event.

Crisis of three years

By the age of three, the social circle of friends is expanding. At this age, many children are sent to kindergarten. Conflicts between peers and parents often cause whims and tantrums.

How to calm a baby?

How to deal with whims? The following tips will help:

pick up and press to the stomach;
make a massage;
distract attention with a loud bright object, a loud voice;
turn on a pleasant melody;
changing hands helps, for example, a baby can be given to a grandmother or dad;
distract toys, mobiles.

What to do if the baby is crying? Walking outside will help. How do you respond to bad child behavior? You can not raise your voice in response to whims and crying. You should remain calm and try to switch the attention of the baby.

Prevention of capricious behavior of children

How to wean a child from whims? Psychologists advise to be guided by some rules:

No need to suppress the independence of the child and perform simple actions for him (buttoning a jacket, cleaning toys).
It is important to control your emotions in response to the baby's tantrum. You need to be calm, self-possessed, in no case should you shout back. It is better to ignore the moment of whim, and then calmly explain the behavior.
Blackmail tactics should not be used in education. For example: “If you don’t put your toys away, you won’t go for a walk.” This behavior provokes a response at an older age: “If you scold me for bad grades, I won’t come home.”
It is important to be consistent and faithful in the chosen tactics of behavior. You can't solve a problem one way today and another way tomorrow. If it was decided to refuse something, then this should become the rule.

Don't blame your child for bad behavior. It is necessary to explain to him that the act upset him, but this is not a reason not to love him.

When you need specialist help

If the child is often naughty and for no reason, you should contact a specialist. Problems begin to be solved with a visit to a pediatrician and a neurologist. The child may cry and act up all the time due to diseases of the internal organs, so the help of other narrow specialists will also be required.

Ekaterina Morozova

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Many parents complain about excessive capriciousness of children. Of course, the main question for mothers is what to do when moodiness becomes a permanent state of the baby. How to respond correctly - ignore, scold or distract? But it should be understood that it is equally important to find the reason for this behavior of the child. Your solution to this problem depends on it.

Capricious child: what is the reason?

Not a single action of the child arises by itself - out of nowhere. Any action is a reflection of the feelings and inner state of the baby. Main reasons for excessive capriciousness are usually:

Health problems.
The child does not always understand that he is sick, hungry or tired. If he is too small or overwhelmed with emotions, he cannot express his condition. This discomfort is expressed in capricious behavior.
Surplus of guardianship from parents and relatives.
The desire to protect the baby from dangers and various mistakes often leads to the fact that the child completely loses the need for independence. The result of total control, blowing off dust particles and the tradition of doing everything for the child is the inability and unwillingness of the baby to grow up. In this case, the capriciousness of the child, as a rule, means that he is spoiled.
Crisis of the age of three.
Abrupt changes in a child of this age are noticed by many mothers. First of all, this is due to the fact that the baby declares himself as a person, and demands freedom for himself. The child begins to rebel against overprotection, expressing this by virtue of his abilities - that is, capriciousness.
Relationships and microclimate in the family.
The flow of information from the outside, active communication and new experiences are the main cause of baby fatigue. Therefore, at home, he is waiting for calm, stability and an atmosphere of love between his parents. In the absence of such (quarrels and scandals, changes in life, etc.), the child begins to protest. This is where capriciousness, tearfulness and other reactions of the baby to a reality that does not suit him appear.

Instructions for parents: how to cope with the whims of the child

First of all, parents need to understand that they are the most common cause of whims. If everything is in order with the health of the baby, then his whim is a response to the environment, the behavior of parents, methods of education, etc. Therefore, first decide on the reason and figure out why the child is naughty. Further, based on the situation, learn to respond to whims correctly.

Hello dear readers! Almost all mothers are familiar with the situation: everything was going well, but the child was suddenly changed! She hangs on her mother, constantly demands breasts, sleeps terribly and is constantly naughty. Why is this happening? And what should mom do?

I had the feeling that my children were naughty almost incessantly. Although we also had good periods ... But the good periods fly by unnoticed, and the bad ones remain in the memory. At least up to 1.5-2 years, the child develops in leaps and bounds. They are also called "growth spurts".

It looks something like this: the baby becomes restless, drives you crazy, and you cannot understand why the child is naughty. However, all of a sudden (or smoothly?) everything becomes good. And you notice that significant changes have taken place in the development of the little one.

This can happen very often. Almost every month. It happens that this is especially pronounced in the year. And then the mothers watch with horror as their completely independent toddler began to demand to be carried in their arms ... And how suddenly the baby forgot how to play without a mother.

What do whims mean?

Two years ago, I came across an amazing book on the Internet - “Naughty? So it's evolving! This book turned my idea of whims upside down.

We sometimes do not notice subtle changes in the psyche of the child. Or we notice, but we can’t even clearly articulate what happened? Meanwhile, very complex processes take place in the head of the baby. His nervous system is changing, his perception of the world, his thinking...

The book details these changes each month. But the main thing is not this. The main thing is to understand that the baby is naughty due to the fact that such changes are difficult for him.

For example, at 8 weeks, the baby suddenly begins to recognize patterns. Imagine, yesterday everything around was blurry, and today there are clear patterns! Such changes are a serious burden on the psyche. They can be frightening, they can cause a “brain explosion”, as an adult would say.

At some point, the little one understands that the world is not flat, but voluminous ... At some point, he begins to catch causal relationships ...

Just imagine what a big inside job this is! How would you feel about these changes yourself? Would you be comfortable and calm in contact with so many new things? Now remember that the nervous system of the baby is not yet so well developed. And you will understand what causes poor sleep and constant whining.

Moreover, the baby cannot tell anyone what is happening to him. Can't ask for advice. He does not know how to react to all this ... He can only grab hold of his mother and seek her support.

After all, the only hope and support of a baby in this unstable changing world is the mother. Try to understand his situation well, imagine yourself in his place!

What to do?

Yes, it is not at all easy to wear and entertain the capricious. Sometimes there is not enough patience to endure tantrums before going to bed. It must be added that in the evening the jump in development is accompanied by overexcitation ... But what about mom?

Understand your child's situation. Realize that he does not behave this way on purpose. It has no purpose to piss you off.
Surround your child with love as much as possible. Wear patiently, play with it, let it hang on your chest;
If a child demands something forbidden or is hysterical because of someone else's toy, let him know that you still love him. But this does not mean that you will allow him to climb on the table at dinner or take away a toy from someone.
Try to live without expectations. Do not count on the little one to fall asleep early in the evening. Don't expect him to play with his cars himself. Do not expect anything, but look at the situation;
Remember what you are now. This is the most important lesson for new mothers.
If you still fell for the child - do not kill yourself. Feeling guilty will not make you a better person. Just try to be patient.

A good video of a specialist on our topic:

I hope the article was helpful. Please repost on social media. And subscribe to blog updates. See you soon!

What should parents do when the child is often naughty or whining?

When the child whines- he makes himself felt, annoyingly complains about something, makes lingering plaintive sounds.
And when the child is naughty- he is stubborn, picky, crying.

I am sure that every parent knows what is at stake and everyone is well aware of how it sounds and looks when a child whines and is naughty.

Let's see what happens to a child at the moment when he starts to "whine" and "act up" (as we adults call it). In fact, at this moment something is very worrying about him or he is worried about something.

What does the child feel at this moment?

He may be offended, angry, upset, he may be hurt, bored, offended, uninteresting, hot, cold, he may want your attention, eat, sleep, drink, or maybe he is just tired.

See how many different reasons a child can have for doing what we call "whining" and "acting up."

How do we usually react when a child is naughty?

Often, when a child begins to act up, you can hear how adults order him: “Don’t whine!”, “Stop whining!”, “Get that whining away!”, “Shut up”! "Shut up!" "I can't hear you whine anymore", etc.

Do you think these phrases help the child calm down? Or, on the contrary, upset him even more?

The phrase "Don't Noah" is not intended to hear and understand the child, to give him the feeling that we understand him. It is only aimed at ensuring that he stops doing what he is doing now, because we do not like it and it is inconvenient. As if the child is a soldier who, on command, must instantly obey our words and instantly change his emotional state.

In fairness, let's admit it: even for us adults, it is difficult to manage our feelings and emotions. We cannot, on command, stop experiencing a particular feeling. What can we say about a small child!

The phrases “Don’t whine”, “Enough”, “Stop whining” and the like have a completely opposite effect on the child. The child becomes even more capricious, begins to cry louder, demand, be rude, break out, etc.

Why is it important to properly respond to the whims of the child?

If at the stage when the child begins to act up, you manage to keep yourself from the usual forbidding phrases, bring your imagination to the rescue, distract and calm the child, then this behavior of the child will never develop into a tantrum.

If from the very beginning you correctly respond to the behavior of the child, give him a little time and delve into what he wants, try to understand what he lacks now, what he cannot express in words, most likely, he will quickly calm down.

And vice versa, if you demand from the baby to “stop this very minute”, ignore his need, feelings and condition, speak in a strict command voice, shame, then this whim and whining in a child with a very high probability can develop into a real, uncontrollable hysteria.

It turns out that right at the moment when the child is just beginning to act up, it is very important to notice this, because then the situation is still in your hands and you can still change it.

What is the best way to react when a child is naughty?

What is the right way to react? Naturally, you do not really like this behavior of the child. But, instead of using the traditional "Don't Noah," try to do something from this list next time:

1. Say aloud the possible reason for what is happening to the child (as you yourself understand it).

For example:
“I see you are very tired. Of course, today was such a hard day, so it’s hard for you and you want to cry a little, I understand you.”

"You're offended, I understand. You really wanted me to buy it for you. Of course, we want to, but, unfortunately, we are in such a hurry. Let me see what I have in my purse.”

“You are very angry with me. You are offended that I said so and also said it loudly, so you are now unhappy.

“You don't like these tights, and that's why you're crying. You want something different, you're uncomfortable, I understand, let's think that ... "

“I understand you, not a very good mood. You probably just want me to hug you, come to me.

Thus, already in your very first phrase, you are trying to voice the state of the child, say out loud to him what is happening to him now, because of which he may be worried. Then the child feels that you are trying to understand him, and it becomes easier for you to “get involved” in the state of the child.

Tune in to the wave of your child, you really try to understand - what is happening to him now? What about him? From this understanding, you may come up with some interesting ideas and solutions for this particular situation.

When you tell a child about what is happening to him now, what he feels and experiences, at that moment you seem to be conveying a message to him: “Mom hears you, mom understands you, mom tries to understand you, mom supports you.”

The child feels your attitude towards himself and begins to understand himself better, to realize what is happening to him now. It is very important.
Also, it gives you a little pause and time to think about what is happening with the child and what is the best thing to do in this particular situation.

2. Offer the child some alternative to what he is asking for.

Most often, parents forget about this simple and very useful approach to parenting: not just forbid something, but show the child other ways and options to do or get what he wants. Then his attention switches and he already becomes less offended when something is forbidden to him;

3. Offer the child a choice what is now available and possible, instead of forbidding or ignoring his feelings and desires;

4. Distract the attention of the child to some event around, start telling him some fairy tale, story or incident from your childhood. We forget that the attention of young children is very easy to control in the good sense of the word. Here the kid is upset, but suddenly we draw his attention to the clouds in the sky, which look like a giraffe and he has already forgotten about his frustration. And if an interesting story suddenly sounds about a bear who did not like to wear a hat for a walk, then it will be so interesting that the baby will not even notice that he himself is already wearing a hat and has long gone outside for a walk.

Stories and fairy tales are simply fascinating for children. With the help of history it is very easy to interest and distract the child in completely different situations. So simple. And we, adults, completely forget about it.

5. Switch the child's attention to the action that needs to be done.

At least 80% of your comments are best started with a specific call to action, describing to the child the action you want them to take.

Switch the attention of the child to the action that needs to be done, and do not focus his attention on what should not be done now. For example, what should we replace the phrase “Don’t Noah” with? What should a child do instead of whining?

"Please help me"
"Please let's sort things out"
"Please hug me and let me hug you"
“Look there! Have you ever seen this?

"Help", "let's figure it out", "hug", "look" - all these are verbs that directly direct the child in the right direction, instead of the perfect useless automatism "Don't whine."

What should be done when the child is naughty and whining?

The next time your child starts to act up and whine, remember this article:

Keep yourself from habitual command phrases;
Begin with the words "I understand you";
Describe what is happening to the child now and why he is upset;
Hug him;
Offer him some solution, options to choose from;
Tell me what to do;
Or gently divert his attention with a story.

All the very best to you!

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