Holy Fathers on marriage and divorce. About married life (thoughts of holy fathers, theologians, priests) Orthodox quotes about love and family
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HOLY FATHERS ABOUT FAMILY:
Whoever is negligent towards his children, at least in other respects and decent, will suffer the extreme punishment for this sin. Everything we have should be secondary in comparison with the care of children.
Saint John Chrysostom
The affairs of those with whom we have a different way of life are inaccessible to us. For example, a mother with babies cannot go to church every day for all services and pray at home for a long time. From this there will be not only embarrassment, but even sin, if, for example, in the absence of a mother, a child without a guardian mutilates himself or does pranks when he grows up. She cannot completely renounce property for the sake of personal achievement, for she is obliged to support and feed her children.
Reverend Nikon of Optina
In order to be saved, one must not live in a dream, but in real life carry the cross, which the Lord has already determined for you for salvation.
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a housewife. The duties of all these parts are depicted in the writings of the apostles. Look through them and take on the conscience to perform. For it is doubtful that salvation could be arranged apart from the performance of duties which are imposed by rank and status.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As soon as a child is born, one must know that everything that happens to the mother or the father or the environment reaches him. Therefore, the mother was recommended to pray, but not formally, not only to say prayers, not only to pray, but to communicate with God, share with Him all her joy, all her trembling, let God act in her.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
Not only the sufferings sent by God, but every spiritual effort, every voluntary deprivation, every refusal, sacrifice is immediately exchanged for spiritual riches within us; the more we lose, the more we gain.
There is only one grief for the teacher, about which one should grieve deeply if the child loses faith and falls into sin. And God will arrange everything else for good, for the sake of devotion to Him of believing hearts.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
True Christian conjugal love can really only be between one husband and one wife. Since husband and wife have become one flesh, there is no longer any need for them to share their love between someone else, third or fourth. Husband and wife are one living organism. An organism that is dissected dies, and so does a conjugal union, severed by polygamy or polyandry, lose its life and meaning.
Reverend Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ Two purposes for which marriage was instituted: that we live chastely and that we become fathers. But the most important of these two goals is chastity.
Saint John Chrysostom
To our great regret, in our time even the sins of shamelessness are excused by society. From such an indulgence, the moral structure of family life and even social life falls.
Archpriest Valentin Amfiteatrov
And for each other you should be an example of meekness and gentleness, abstinence, complacency, honesty and diligence, obedience to God's will, patience and hope; help each other; take care of each other, condescend to one another, covering each other's infirmities with love.
All women devoted to chastity are worthy of the title of courageous.
Saint John Chrysostom
In family life, there should be no place of pride. It is never necessaryÃÃÂ to indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculateÃÃÂ whoÃÃÂ exactly should ask for forgiveness.
Holy Empress Alexandra Romanova
Fasting is wonderful, because it suppresses our sins like weeds, and raises and grows the truth, like a flower. If you have begun fasting at will, then do not be gloomy, but rejoice: it cleanses your soul of poison.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Gregory the Theologian
After all, the main and fundamental thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and poverty not only does not interfere with this, but contributes to the development in us of hope only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
Marriage is worthy of honor, and the marital union is blessed by God. Blessed, but in order to preserve the power of the Creator in the birth of others like themselves and to the continuation of the human race, so that the spouses become parents and see themselves as fruitful oilseeds. Blessed is he who, with this holy intention, enters into a marital union; he chooses his wife not out of passion, but looks at her virtues.
Platon, Metropolitan of Moscow
There is an incomprehensible connection between the soul of parents and the soul of children, and we cannot determine to what extent the influence of the former extends to the latter: and together, to what extent, with the contagious influence of the former, God's mercy and condescension extends to the latter.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Of course, fasting, if not accompanied by prayer and spiritual work, has almost no value. Fasting is not a goal, but a means, an aid that facilitates our prayer and spiritual improvement.
Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina
It is very unfortunate to hear about troubles between close relativesâæ and in our dispensation without self-reproach, no matter how much you advise, those who quarrel do not receive appeasement, and they have no idea about this, that they need to reproach themselves, â they see only guilt in the neighbor.
Venerable Macarius of Optina
Fasting protects babies, makes the young chaste, makes the old man respectable: for gray hair, adorned with fasting, is more worthy of respect. Fasting is the most decent attire for women, a bridle in the color of years, protection of marriage, a childhood educator ... Children, like flowering plants, may be irrigated with the water of fasting.
Saint Basil the Great
The child should be able to look at his parents and see that what he is being told actually lives in them. They may be imperfect â this the child understands perfectly, but they strive to live by faith, and this is the meaning and content of their life.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
But if you fast in food, you have eyes that seduce you to adultery in the secrets of your soul, and to curiosity and slander; the hearing of the â perceiving atrocities and prodigal songs and unkind slanderous whispers; and other feelings that are consistently harmful, then what is the use of fasting? â Of course not!
Saint Gregory Palamas
One of the spouses, having the misfortune to see in the other apparently incorrigible weaknesses, is left to endure them with Christian patience, to see in them the cross placed by God on him, and thus reconcile with his position in the hope of retribution from God.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Pray fervently for children, and God will keep in good order those who want to be saved and seek this.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
For parents, the main concern should be obtaining the mercy of God and His help and blessings. And this will be a condition for the indispensable success of many years of work and struggle for the salvation of the souls of children who are subject to sin along with the entire fallen human race.
From the book of Pestov N.E. Orthodox parenting
The Lord requires not hunger, but achievement. A feat â is what a person can do the most according to his strength, and the rest is by grace.
From the book of Fr. V. Sventsitsky
Love for one's neighbor precedes and accompanies humility before him.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov
Today, on the day of the last half of the saving fasting feat, the Lord descends to those who are tired and exhausted under the burden of fasting, granting them His love and strength, and a gentle reminder that they have not yet fought sin to the point of bloodshed. The Lord today reminds us of the uniqueness, immutability of the path of salvation - the path of the Cross and suffering - and inspires us on this path with hope. The light of Christ's Resurrection is visible only from the Cross.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
An emancipated wife is always a bad mother. She is burdened by children, they prevent her from enjoying the freedom of life, and therefore she leaves the care of them to nurses and nannies.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Teach your children more to moderation and even hardships, which you can always meet in life, rather than to pleasures that are not available to everyone.
Ambrose Klyucharev, Archbishop of Kharkov
John Cassian the Roman says that if after Great Lent I didn’t become at least a little different, didn’t change something in myself, remained the same as I was when I started fasting, then the time of fasting passed without meaning. I am the most unfortunate person, because I spent this time in self-restraint - I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink, I didn’t have fun, but I didn’t receive the fruit.
It would be better to do it all, at least it was pleasant. And then he limited himself in everything, but he did not become better, smarter, brighter, kinder. Such a fast deprives of strength and joy, of course, does not bring.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky. "Great post."
If someone learns chastity, then his wife will be considered the sweetest of all, he will look at her with great love and have great agreement with her, and with peace and harmony all good things will enter his house.
Saint John Chrysostom
It should not look that the child is small, it is necessary from the first years to begin to settle down the flesh prone to coarse matter and to accustom the child to possess over it, so that both in adolescence, and in youth, and after them, one can easily and freely deal with this need. The first starter is very expensive. A lot depends on baby food in the future.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
This is the basic principle of a happy marriage: two loving people constantly limit their own freedom, the husband for the sake of the wife, and the wife for the sake of the husband.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky
If you, a man, do not forgive anyone who has sinned against you, then do not trouble yourself with fasting and prayer. If you do not leave his debt to your brother, with whom you are angry for something, then you fast and pray in vain: God will not accept you.
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
We have a universal commandment â each other's burdens to bear; the more willingly should such close persons as spouses perform it mutually to each other. Unwillingness to endure inflates troubles and trifles pile up in the dividing wall.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
A brief statement about the path to salvation, given by St. Anthony the Great: ÃÓLife and death depend on our neighborÃÔ (our soul).
A wise woman, therefore, will try to make her husband become like-minded to her in what leads to common happiness. But if this turns out to be impossible, then she herself must strive for righteousness in everything, obeying her husband in everything and doing nothing against his will, except when it comes to righteousness itself and salvation.ÃÃÂ
Clement of Alexandria
God does not want the death of the sinner, He wants his salvation. Thinking that God's mercy is not enough to forgive grave sins is like saying that if you throw a handful of dirty sand into the sea, it will become polluted. But the sea will wash this dirty sand, and it will disappear into its bottomless depths. And God's mercy is infinite, it is immeasurably greater than the endless ocean, and in this God's mercy one can easily drown all grave sins if one repents of them with all one's heart.
Divorce is one of the biggest tragedies that can overtake a person. It represents the end not only of the love that conditioned marriage, but the end of hope for a lifetime of joy and depth.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
You can never rely on a person. This is a â great and fatal mistake. Without God's determination, a person will not protect or comfort. Man is powerless without God's help.
Reverend Nikon of Optina
For someone, the heavy cross of family life may be the only light life cross that the Lord gave for salvation.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Most of the insoluble contradictions in life, misfortunes, internal difficulties that you hear about in confession come from the fact that people live outside the Church, and come to the Church to seek solutions to their difficulties. No determination to change your life, not even a thought about it; â therefore the Church is powerless to help them. Enter the Church, accept the whole order of church life, and then the difficulties will resolve themselves.
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Through fasting, a person turns into a lamb, a lamb. If he turns into a beast, this means one of two things: either that the austerity undertaken exceeds his strength, or that he is engaged in it out of selfishness and therefore does not receive divine help.
Venerable Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
We are entering today into the Passionate Days of the Lord, at a time when darkness has thickened and when the dawn of a new light is rising, the dawn of eternity, comprehensible only to those who, together with Christ, enter this darkness.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
The days of Holy Week are coming, let us not depart, my dears, from our Savior all these days. Let us follow Him with our hearts and thoughts to Divine services, and let us be partners in the feat of Golgotha accomplished by the Savior for us. And then, on the day of the Resurrection of Christ, the Lord will also vouchsafe us the highest joy with all our souls, from the fullness of our hearts, to sing and proclaim the song of victory about the Resurrection of the Savior of the world.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
It is difficult to learn to live like a Christian, but it is necessary.
It is beautiful and honorable to place worship crosses, but when it comes to personal worship of the Cross, here we strive to avoid worship. But if avoided, then salvation is doubtful.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
And fasting is pleasing to me, says the Lord, but such, when humble their body, they forgive insults, leave debts, feed the hungry, bring the bloodless into the house, clothe the naked. When all this is done during fasting, then the search for Me and the approach to Me will be successful.
Saint Theophan the Recluse. Thoughts for every day of the year
On the contrary, it was unworthy of Him to give one bread and one wine: for each of the people can do this a hundred times. He, like God, was to do more; and He did the most; for no one has more love, and even if someone lays down his life for his friends.
Saint Innocent of Kherson
Her cry is more terrible than any cry, because from the Resurrection of Christ we know that the victory of the universal Resurrection is coming, that not a single dead person is in the tomb. And then She buried not only Her Son, but every hope for the victory of God, every hope for eternal life. The length of endless days began, which never again, as it seemed then, could come to life.
This is what we stand before in the image of the Mother of God, in the image of the disciples of Christ. This is what the death of Christ means. In the remaining short time, let us delve into this death with our souls, because all this horror is based on one thing: ON SIN, and each of us who sin is responsible for this terrible Good Friday; everyone is responsible and will answer; it happened only because a person lost love, broke away from God. And each of us who sins against the law of love is responsible for this horror of the death of the God-Man, the orphanhood of the Mother of God, for the horror of the disciples.
Therefore, when we venerate the Holy Shroud, let us do it with trepidation. He died for you alone: let everyone understand this! Let us listen to this Lamentation, the lamentation of the whole earth, the lamentation of torn hope, and thank God for the salvation that is given to us so easily and by which we so indifferently pass, while it was given at such a terrible price and the Savior-God , and the Mother of God, and the disciples.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
Christ is Risen! Let us open our hearts to the One who suffered and died and resurrected for our sake. And He will enter, and fill our lives with Himself and His light, and transform our souls. And then, with love, let us also follow Him along the way of the Cross, for at its end our resurrection unquestionably shines into eternal life.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
The goalÃÃÂ of lifeÃÃÂ worldlyÃÃÂ of ordinary people isÃÃÂ the acquisition or making of money... The acquisitionÃÃÂ of the Spirit of GodÃÃÂ isÃÃ Â is also capital, but only grace-filled and eternal.
Reverend Seraphim of Sarov
A cross without love cannot be thought or imagined: where there is a cross, there is love; in church you see crosses everywhere and on everything, so that everything reminds you that you are in the temple of Love, crucified for us.
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
This is what will help the spouses: neither of them should justify himself. If each of the spouses justifies himself, then â no matter how many spiritual books they read â they will not receive any benefit.
Elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
The Risen Lord removed the veil from the true God and from the true man and revealed to us by Himself the greatness and beauty of both. No one can know the true God except through the resurrected Lord Jesus Christ; and no one can know the true man except through Him alone.
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
Love endures and endures for a long time, and if â does not endure a little, nothing will be â more endured to the end, â that one will be saved.
ÃÃÂ By believing that He is risen and alive, we prepare life for ourselves, for He is risen and lives for us. And whoever thinks that He is dead, and not resurrected and not alive, he himself judges and affirms death and perdition.
Blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria
ÃÃÂ God loves a good-natured world, and God blesses righteous warfare. For since there are non-peaceful people on earth, it is impossible to have peace without military help. An honest and trustworthy world, for the most part, must be won. And in order to preserve the acquired peace, it is necessary that the winner himself does not allow his weapons to rust.
Saint Philaret of Moscow
Let us try, as far as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs â with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised blessings.
Saint John Chrysostom
In the words of one modern writer, to say to another: ÃÃÂ"I love youÃÃÂ" â means to tell him ÃÃÂ"you will never dieÃà Â". To fall in love and grow in this love, selflessly, sometimes heroically, â it means to affirm the eternal significance of another person. This is not only given to you now, it is entrusted to you as a feat.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
ÃÃÂ Make peace with yourself, and heaven and earth will make peace with you.
Reverend Isaac the Syrian
And this is because, so to speak, they demand Ãà“happinessÃÔ from marriage and, at the slightest difficulty, they run for divorce, forgetting that marriage, if we understand it in a Christian way, is always a feat, always a struggle, always an effort.
Archpriest Alexander Schmemann
The debt of love is nothing other than love paid, for love is nothing other than mutual love is satisfied.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
Of course, over the years of marriage, you can meet, and more than once, a person better and more interesting than a spouse. But one's interest in him should be regarded not as a gift of fate, but as a temptation, a test of loyalty to the Lord. Yes, fidelity in marriage is not only fidelity to a wife or husband, but â to God Himself.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Carnal love connects worldly people externally, only as long as they possess the worldly qualities necessary for such carnal love. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people, and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this will not only not separate them, but will unite them even stronger.
Venerable Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
ÃàSuch is the power of love: it is not delayed by distance, it is not weakened by long duration, it is not overcome by temptations; but, conquering all this, â becomes higher than everything and flows to an unattainable height.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Nicholas is a popular saint, a perfect image of those who, hearing the word of God, hastened to fulfill it and teach others by their example. This is the reason why Saint Nicholas is revered more than many holy teachers and martyrs. This is the reason why the Church dedicated to him, in addition to this day, which we celebrate today, every Thursday of every week of the year, along with the holy apostles, to him â Nicholas the Wonderworker of Myra.
Saint Nicholas (Velimirovich)
Are you not causing yourself grief by the unbridledness of your son? You should have carefully restrained him, accustomed him to order, to the accurate performance of his duties and healed the diseases of his soul when he was still young and when it was much easier to do.
Saint John Chrysostom
It will be good if parents begin to show the child that they are upset by his excesses. But let them not put pressure on him and pray. Prayer done with pain leads to positive results.
Venerable Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
The Kingdom of God has already come when two are no longer two, but one. And, however, this unity, which constitutes the Kingdom of God, is given in embryo, but must be cultivated by achievement. For love is both joy, and tenderness, and exultation for one another, but love is also a feat: bear each other's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
Jesus requires love not only as a beautiful feeling, but as a love that pervades all daily life, affecting relationships with all people.
Saint Alexandra Feodorovna
It takes courage to overcome other sorrows; for the outflow from another â wisdom; to get rid of the third â humility. But in Ãàall sorrows, with all other virtues, patience is certainly needed. No good virtue can take place without patience; virtue, in order to remain virtueÃÃÂ, needs patience. Whoever wavers in virtue, does not endure in it until the end, he loses his virtue.
Saint Ignatius BrianchaninovÃÃÂ
Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to keep the family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It's just easy to say: "I'll get a divorce!"
You can say when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about your children, then you will make every effortÃÃÂ so that the children know their father, and the husband - your family.
ÃÃÂ
Still, the world around us should not be viewed as entirely bad. We must be sensible enough to ÃÃÂ use for our own purposes everything that is positive in it. Much of what at first glance does not have a direct relation to Orthodoxy can be used in the interests of Orthodox education.
Hieromonk Seraphim (Rose)ÃÃÂ
We must pity those who go against God... Understand, only hell awaits them... If a person does not find God in his soul, his whole earthly life has no meaning.
Elder Nikolai Guryanov
Most disputes between people are worthless.ÃÃÂ They are caused either by the intervention of outsiders, or by frivolous words, or by the action of unrepentant sins.
Holy Empress Alexandra FeodorovnaÃÃÂ
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
Very many parents, who love their children very much, in some way spoil them, not understanding, unfortunately, what harm they are doing to them, for example, when the mother, out of extreme carnal love, hugging and kissing the child, says to him: Ãà “What a good child I have, the best child in the worldÃÔ â etc.ÃÃÂ
Saint Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
When you choose your wife, you must be her not only her husband, but also her father, mother and brother. Because she leaves the family in order to be with you and follow your path. So give her the right to see in you the mercy of the father, the tenderness of the mother and the friendship of the brother.
ÃàThe birth of a child â is a gracious gift of the Lord, but at the same time a new calling, and work, and a cross for spouses. God entrusts and entrusts to earthly parents a baby, still defenseless in body and soul. This is not a simple joy, not a game and not fun: this is a formidable responsibility â at the Last Judgment, parents will answer before God for the living souls of their children.
Metropolitan Vlpdimir (Ikim)
Whoever loves Christ with all his heart, whoever lives according to His word, fulfilling all His commandments, will be in constant communion with Him, will be under His everlasting protection, will always be guarded by Christ Himself and the angels of God; it will not be touched by any genuine and true evil, for Christ will be relentless with them.
Saint Luke Voyno-Yasenetsky
The only value in life is family. As soon as the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love first of all in your family.
Reverend Paisius Svyatogorts
The roots of ingratitude â in human gluttony; no matter how much a person receives, everything is not enough for him, he does not thank, but grumbles because he has not received more ... But those few who are always grateful for everything will receive great glory and honor, great grace from God.
Saint Luke of Crimea (Voino-Yasenetsky)
The husband is the head of the family, not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ, and his wife and children can see this image in him, that is, the image of boundless love, devoted love, selfless love, love that is ready for anything. to save, protect, nourish, console, delight, educate your family.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
Our love for each other can be sincere and deep on sunny days, but it is never as strong as on days of suffering and grief, when all its previously hidden wealth is revealed.
Holy Martyr Alexandra Feodorovna,
Life is art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. Only one thing is certain - the vows taken must be kept.
Only that life is worthy in which there is sacrificial love.
Passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna
When you expect a little from a person and accept him as he really is - with mistakes and shortcomings - then there are fewer disappointments. There is no need to idealize anyone.
Archimandrite Raphael (Karelin)
Love does not grow, does not become great and perfect suddenly and by itself, but love requires time and constant care.
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna RomanoÃÃÂva
To do any harm to a neighbor, or to offend him to the detriment of faith, even if the act for some special reason was permitted by Scripture, means not to have Christ's love for one's neighbor.
Saint Basil the Great
ÃÃÂ Although marriage has an earthly beginning, and a celibate life aggravates the King Christ, ÃÃÂ however, it happens that even virginity castsÃÃÂt on hard ground, and married life is not Leads to the sky.
Saint Gregory the Theologian
You need to be content with the little and only the necessary and not aim at a lot, because then a person will have more time to just sit at home with his wife and kids, to do good deeds, to pray and generally stay in family warmth and comfort, and not to be in constant tension in an attempt to earn more and more.
Venerable Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
ÃÃÂ A child has memories of those peaceful, radiant celebrations, of those sad and solemn motives that the Orthodox Church offers on the days of great holidays.
K.D. Ushinsky
Meekness and humility of heart are such virtues, without which it is impossible not only to explore the Kingdom of Heaven, but neither to be happy on earth, nor to feel peace of mind in oneself.
Reverend Anthony of Optina
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
He who does good to other people acquires a wonderful character, â, and this is his best reward already in this world.
Archbishop John (Shakhovskoy)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a mistress. The duties of all these parts are depicted in the writings of the apostles. Look through them and take on the conscience to perform. For it is doubtful that salvation could be arranged apart from the performance of duties which are imposed by rank and status.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As a close, one and indissoluble union, Christian marriage imposes on husband and wife
duty of the most sincere Christian love. Christian spouses respecting in themselves
universal human virtues - and especially our redemption, without distinction of sexes, by the Lord Jesus Christ and our sonship to God - must mutually and equally respect and love each other; on the other hand, in accordance with his natural properties and difference from his wife, the husband must protect, guide and manage his wife, as his weakest. But this domination and supremacy of a husband over his wife is not at all the same despotism and violence that a wife sometimes suffers from her husband, especially among the common people; the Christian husband must be the same head of his wife as Jesus Christ is the head of his church. But how does Jesus Christ reveal Himself, being the Head of the Church? He loved His Church to the point that He gave Himself up for her. Once the Church, i.e. all mankind, was not pure, vicious and ugly. And Christ did not turn away from her ÃÃÂ ugliness, but recreated her, corrected her, forgave her sins. He not only washed away its impurity, but also blotted out old age, destroying the decrepit sinful man. He did not resort to violence, censures and threats for this, but achieved this by great care for her and self-sacrificing love. To purify her, He found for this a proper ablution in the sacrament of St. baptism (1 Cor. 6:11; Acts 2:38; 22:16); to illuminate her, He gave her His gospel divine word of truth and faith (John 17:17; Romans 10:8; Ephesians 6:17, etc.). His concern for the purity, holiness and integrity of the Church He stretched to the point that he even sacrificed his own life for this.
Reverend Seraphim of Sarov
It is simply a crime to suppress children's joy and force children to be gloomy and important. Very soon life's problems will fall on their shoulders. Very soon, life will bring them worries, worries, difficulties, and the burden of responsibility. So let them remain young and carefree as long as possible. Their childhood should, as far as possible, be filled with joy, light, and merry games.
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to keep the family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It's just easy to say: "I'll get a divorce!"
You can say when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about your children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband knows his family.
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
Parental love is sacred, but we must not forget that in relation to marital love, it is secondary. It is unacceptable that passion for a child overshadows the feeling of conjugality, at the same time strengthening and elevating it.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
There are spouses who first of all try to streamline all other problems and only then start thinking about children. Such people do not take God into account at all. And other couples say: ÃÓLife is not easy these days. Let us have one child â and that's enough. Here and try to grow one!Ãû And do not give birth to other children. These people do not realize how much they sin by thinking in this way, not trusting God. God is Ãà"compassionate ÃÃÂ". It is easy for him to stop giving children to spouses if he sees that they are no longer able to raise them."
Elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
ÃÃÂ
You do not need to become someone else, and not the one that your husband loved. You need to dress with taste, and comb your face, and everything else, because you are not a monastic.
And you should have common interests with your spouse, and do not embarrass him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe the measure in everything and take into account the spiritual illness that has befallen him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - keep peace and love in the family, patiently condescending to his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your labors and wise behavior with him in everything.
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
So think (Christian wife): if you endure the cruelty of your husband, you will receive a bright crown; and if you are quiet and meek, then what will God reward you for? I say this not to give husbands a pretext for cruelty, but to convince wives to endure cruel husbands too.
Saint John Chrysostom
The husband must love his wife to the point of the stomach for her, and the wife, seeing such love, must correspond to her husband. Each of the spouses must renounce himself and instill goodness in the other, and goodness is instilled only by love. We are all human beings who did not come from heaven, we all have shortcomings and therefore we should not impute the shortcomings of others to them, but attribute them to education: if their parents could not give them this, then they have the right to our indulgence, to sympathy.
The secret of the origin of love is the sudden insight into another person of beauty inexpressible, unique, inexhaustible. This insight is always true: after all, in everyone is hidden the image of the all-perfect beauty of God. Each person, seen through the eyes of love, is a miracle â a living icon of the Almighty. Thus, Christian marriage is a communion with Divine beauty, a daily miracle that cannot be boring. According to the words of St. John Chrysostom, bodily beauty becomes ordinary through habit, and the beauty of the soul is renewed every day and kindles a greater flame to itself. And this is the work and work of love: in the distorted earthly world, overcoming spiritual infirmities and imperfection of the earthly shell of each other, to preserve and kindle in oneself the consciousness of a once revealed miracle, mutual amazement. This is possible only with the grace of God.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
When a newborn is in the house, the marriage is, as it were, born anew. A child brings a couple closer together like never before. The previously silent strings come to life in the hearts. Young parents face new goals, new desires appear. Life immediately acquires a new and deeper meaning.
Of course, with children, we have a lot of worries and troubles, and therefore there are people who look at the appearance of children as a misfortune. But only cold egoists look at children like that.
The great thing is to take responsibility for these tender young lives, who can enrich the world with beauty, joy, strength, but who can also easily perish; the great thing is â to nurture them, to shape their character â that's what you need to think about when you arrange your home. This should be a home in which children will grow up for a true and noble life, for God.
Passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna,
There must be a desire on both sides to make the marriage happy and to overcome everything that hinders it. The strongest love most needs to be strengthened daily.
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
"If you live in mutual love, you will bring God's grace upon yourself and your offspring, and God will dwell in you and crown all your undertakings and deeds with blessed success, for where there is love, there is God, and where there is God, there is all that is good."
St. rights. John of Kronstadt
“Without being ashamed and not afraid of the world, try to give your children a true Christian upbringing, giving them the same Christian concepts in everything, accustoming them to the Christian rules of life and kindling love for the Church of God and all church orders.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
At present, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live a pious life are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the work of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the holy Orthodox Church.
Rev. Ambrose Optinsky
Marriage love is love blessed by God.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
The main misconception about family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made, which they must certainly find without labor and effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness in any way and nowhere on our earth: here everything is obtained by labor.
Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharev)
You all want to arrange children yourself, but you don't give anything to God. And everything must be given to God, without stopping, of course, your care, but without attaching too much importance to it.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
"If we care too much about the wife and children, then God no longer takes care of them. If we leave our worries, then God will take care of them and us."
Rev. Barsanuphius the Great and John
"If parents do not provide proper care for children, do not teach them reason, do not inspire them with good rules, then the souls of children will be exacted at their hands."
Venerable Simeon the New Theologian
"Teaching through deeds and life is the best teaching."
St. John Chrysostom
"Less words are required if you do what you must. The painter teaches more with his paintings."
St. Gregory the Theologian
"Marriage is a Sacrament already because it exceeds the limits of our mind, for in it two become one."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Many parents teach their children foreign languages, others teach the arts, but they neglect Christian teaching and upbringing: such parents give birth to children for temporary life, and do not allow them to eternal life. Woe to them, for not bodies, but human souls kill with their negligence !"
St. Tikhon Zadonsky
In the matter of raising children, the most important thing is to pray for them.
Shmch. Seraphim (Zvezdinsky)
"In family life, everyone should forget himself completely, think only about others, and such an attitude of family members to each other welds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without others. "
St. Righteous Alexy Mechev
"In marriage, everything must be sacrificed and everything must be endured in order to preserve mutual love; if it is lost ."
Saint John Chrysostom
"This is the strength of life for all of us, that the wife should be of one mind with her husband; everything in the world is supported by this."
St. John Chrysostom
“The husband should think about planting piety in the house with deeds and words; and let the wife watch the house, but besides this occupation, she should have another, more urgent concern that the whole family work for the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Saint John
"Parents who give birth to children and give them a body should, as far as possible, contribute to their spiritual rebirth."
Elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
"The husband is the head of the family, not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ."
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
“Parents should diligently try to cut off their passions. The fact that they inherited some of these passions from their own parents does not matter. Not only will they give an answer to God for not lifting a feat to cut off these passions, but they will also bear responsibility for passing these passions on to their children.
Elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
"When marriage is actually marriage and conjugal union and the desire to leave behind children, then marriage is good, for it multiplies the number of those who please God."
St. Gregory the Theologian
"Accept all the sorrows that you experience through your child as a cleansing punishment for your past, and learn to thank God for everything, consciously and responsibly accepting everything from the Hand of God."
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
"The bread that you keep in your bins belongs to the hungry; the cloak that lies in your chest belongs to the naked; the gold that you have buried in the ground belongs to the poor."
St. Basil the Great
“Where warfare does not stop, it is impossible to be safe from defeat. No matter how skilled someone is in the matter of warfare, no matter how courageously he fights, even if he often inflicts mortal wounds on opponents, but if he is in the middle of the battle itself, then he must necessarily endure sometimes the blows of the sword of the enemy."
St. John Cassian
"When you know yourself somewhat, understand your powerlessness to become what you should be, then you will stop judging anyone, all the more despising."
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
"Love sent down the Son of God to us from heaven. For the sake of love, the Incorporeal is incarnated. The Eternal descends for us in time. The Son of God becomes the son of man."
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
"Where does the demon of condemnation come from? From pride, because many consider themselves higher and better than others. We also condemn from malice, from hatred - from the fact that there is very little love in our hearts."
Saint Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)
"Many people think that it is very difficult to live by faith and do the will of God. In fact, very easy. One has only to pay attention to trifles, to trifles and try not to sin in the smallest and easiest things."
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
"Those who are occupied with earthly things from earthly experience also sorrows, and those who strive for the spiritual about the spiritual and get sick. But the latter will be blessed, because their fruit is plentiful in the Lord."
Rev. Ephraim Sirin
"Often, ordinary things require more heavenly grace than great ones."
St. Empress Alexandra
"The New Year for us is so far only in number, and not in essence, because we all remain old, with the old leaven of passions, inclinations, habits, and have not put on the new man."
St. rights. John of Kronstadt
"Let us thank God for all His former mercies, ask for all-powerful help and blessings for the New Summer, in order to spend it in peace and salvation."
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
"Before marriage, a person glides over life, observes it from the side, and only in marriage does he plunge into life, entering it through another person."
Holy Alexander Elchaninov
"Love is a strong wall, impregnable not only for people, but also for the devil."
St. John Chrysostom
"Take away patience from love, and like a devastated one, it will cease to exist."
ssmch. Cyprian of Carthage
"Do not exchange love for your neighbor for love for some thing, because by loving your neighbor, you acquire in yourself the One Who is most precious in the world."
Rev. Isaac Sirin
"If you do not remember the evil against your brother and pray for your neighbor, who offends and grieves you, you will receive help when the devil tempts and begins to overcome you."
Venerable Nil of Sinai
“For everything that is not due (thought, feeling, word, views, etc.), immediately mentally from the bottom of your heart sigh to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and enough. and we cannot rightly judge ourselves. Our Lord is the Judge. Our business is to ask for forgiveness for everything, and it is forbidden to condemn anyone, even ourselves excessively."
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
"He only loves the one who wishes something useful for his beloved, and he who does not seek good, he, at least a thousand times said that he loves, is more hostile than all enemies."
St. John Chrysostom
"Prudent conjugal love consists in this, that both the lover and the beloved mutually admonish each other."
Rev. Ephraim Sirin
"Let us instruct our children in such a way that they prefer virtue to everything else, and consider the abundance of wealth as nothing."
St. John Chrysostom
ÃÓWe are obliged to love everyone, but to be loved, we dare not demandÃÃÂ.”
Reverend Anatoly of Optina
"What happens between you in the family, do not take it out of your house to people,
And if you see or hear evil outside the house, do not bring it into your house."
Rev. Gennady Kostroma
"Forgiveness is difficult to ask for someone who is proud. The evil one also does not know how and does not like to ask for forgiveness."
Rev. Ambrose of Optina
"Only through the eyes of love can we see a person as he is in his very depths, in his very essence, and treat him accordingly. This is how God treats us."
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh
"If it is impossible not to be indignant, then at least one must try to control the tongue, according to the Psalmist's verb: I was confused and did not speak (Ps. 76, 5)"
teacher Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ "If someone is offended by you and you know that he will lovingly accept your apology, then you can ask for forgiveness, and especially when you are sharply offended by you. But this cannot be done until you internally recognize your guilt and accuse And if you know that those persons whom you have offended will accept your apology with mockery, then you don’t need to apologize to them, but blame yourself in your heart and mentally ask for forgiveness from them: those need to calm down.
Venerable Macarius of Optina
"It is indecent for anyone to correct a brother at the very time when he sins against you; and at another time you should not do this in order to avenge yourself."
Abba Dorotheos
"My joy! Do everything slowly, gently and not suddenly: virtue is not a pear, you can't suddenly eat it."
Reverend Seraphim of Sarov
"Bound by the bonds of matrimony, we replace each other's arms, legs, and hearing. Marriage makes the weak twice as strong."
Saint Gregory the Theologian
"True fasting is the removal from evil, the abstinence of the tongue, the suppression of anger in oneself, the excommunication of lusts, slander, lies, perjury."
Saint Basil the Great
"In order not to indulge in irritability and anger, one should not hurry."
Rev. Ambrose Optinsky
"Do not leave children and their upbringing to chance, on TV and on the street. This is a sin, and no small one. Pray and, as much as possible, influence their choice in life. Of course, not by violence, but by suggestion and awareness of the fatality of the modern consciousness imposed from outside ."
O. John (Krestyankin)
"Every house is a home church named after those saints whose names are borne by those who live in it."
St. rights. Alexy (Mechev)
"The main thing in life is to always do good to people. If you cannot do great good for people, try to do at least a small one."
Archbishop Luke Voyno-Yasenetsky
“Children need joy and happiness as much as plants need air and sunlight.
The richest legacy that parents can leave to their children is a happy childhood, with fond memories of father and mother."
Holy Empress Alexandra
"A mother, giving birth to a child, gives the world a man, and then she must give the sky an angel in him."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Take care of your neighbor's personality as your own; cherish his calmness as your own; show him kindness as you wish it for yourself; console him if he is sad, as you wish consolation for yourself; apologize to the offended; reward the offense; replace the loss; condescend to weakness; Forgive the sin; extinguish the passion with pure love.
St. is right. John of Kronstadt
"With whomever a person begins to build a family life, he will go through periods of temptation. After all, there is no ready-made happiness ... Happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with many labors on both sides."
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
"The birth of children became the greatest consolation for people when they became mortal. Therefore, the philanthropic God, in order to immediately mitigate the punishment of the ancestors and ease the fear of death, granted the birth of children, showing in it the image of the resurrection."
St. John Chrysostom
"Don't you see that the bee, having stung, dies? Through this insect, God teaches us that we should not offend our neighbors, because in this case we ourselves are subject to death in advance."
St. John Chrysostom
"As much as one loves his parents himself, so much will be loved and respected by his children when God sends them. This is a universal lesson of experience."
Saint Theophan the Recluse
"If you love someone, then you humble yourself before him. Where there is love, there is humility, and where there is malice, there is pride."
teacher Nikon Optinsky
To keep family peace is a holy command of God. The husband must, according to the apostle Paul, love his wife as himself; and the apostle compared the wife with the Church. That's how great marriage is!
Rev. Anatoly Optinsky
Having been born a woman, do not take to yourself the importance of a man; do not be magnified by birth, do not be puffed up neither by clothes nor by wisdom. Your wisdom ÃÃÃÃÃâ to obey the laws of matrimony, because the knot of marriage makes everything in common between a wife and her husband.
St. John Chrysostom
“Take care of your wife, as Christ cares for the Church. Even if you had to give your soul for her, even if you had to experience repeated losses, endure something difficult, you should not refuse, for having endured all this, you still will not do anything like what Christ did for the Church."
St. John Chrysostom
"First of all, honor God, and then your spouse - the eye of your life, the leader of your intentions. Love him alone, rejoice his heart alone, and even more so, the more tender love you have."
St. John Chrysostom
"What happens not according to you, that will be a tangible benefit for your soul."
Reverend Anthony of Optina
"Do not be insistent that every question of yours be resolved with a clear answer. You must trust in God that He will send the solution of the NECESSARY question in time, and let the UNNECESSARY lie unresolved and exercise patience and humility."
St. Filaret of Moscow
"If there is unanimity, peace and union of love between husband and wife, all good things flow to them. And evil slander is not dangerous for spouses who are protected, like a great wall, by unanimity in God."
St. John Chrysostom
"Children look more at the life of their parents and reflect it in their young souls than listen to their words."
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
"Prayer for them has a stronger effect on neighbors than a word to them."
St. Ignaty Brianchaninov
"Prayer for one another is the best of fellowship." (St. Philaret of Moscow).
"The obedience of a wife to her husband in Christianity takes on a higher character, as one that follows from the fear of God and is equated with deeds of pleasing God, directly done to the Lord Himself."
St. Theophan the Recluse
"Have a wife as a friend and force her to be submissive to yourself with strong love."
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Two are better than one, for their labors will be rewarded.
If they fall, one will pick up the other. And if you fall alone
and no one to pick it up?
Two will lie down, and they are warm,
how do you keep warm alone?
And if one overcomes one, two will be able to stand, and the triple thread will not break soon.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"A husband and wife should be like a hand and eyes. When the hand hurts, the eyes cry. And when the eyes cry, the hands wipe the tears."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Love one another, have pity on everyone, keep the peace at any cost, let the business suffer, but the world will be preserved!"
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
“You want to see that you live well and are saved, but you don’t understand that charm is born from this, and infirmities humble us. God does everything for our salvation.”
Rev. Macarius Optinsky
"Happiness in married life is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church."
Rev. Nektarios Optina
"Mercy and condescension to neighbors and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation."
Rev. Ambrose of Optina
"For it is impossible to be saved otherwise than through a neighbor, as the Lord commanded, saying: ÃÃÂ"let go, and they will let you goÃÃÂ" (Luke 6:3)."
Reverend Mark the Ascetic
"We must condescend to our soul in its infirmities and imperfections and endure our shortcomings, as we endure the shortcomings of our neighbors, but not become lazy and constantly encourage ourselves to do better."
Seraphim of Sarov
"Children are living icons, work hard on them, do not distort the image of God in them with your inattention and neglect."
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin)
Whoever abides in his virtue without sorrow, the door of pride is opened to him.
Saint Isaac the Syrian
ÃÃÂ "Be as sincere, kind and affectionate as possible to your household: then all the troubles on their part will be destroyed by themselves, then you will overcome, according to the Apostle, good evil if they have evil against you and express it. "
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“Prefer nothing to the love of your neighbor, except in those cases when, because of it, the love of God is despised.”
Rev. Nile of Sinai
"Parents should not be ashamed of the fact that they play and play pranks with their children. Maybe that's when they are closer to God than when they are doing what they think is the most important job."
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
"Life is simpler - the best. Do not break your head. Pray to God. The Lord will arrange everything. Do not torture yourself, thinking about how and what to do. Let it be, as it happens - this is living easier."
Rev. Ambrose of Optina
"If you can't live with your own sister, then you can't live with an Angel in paradise, it seems that you can't get along - out of pride."
Rev. Joseph of Optina
"The main thing is that the child be busy according to his strength and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything good and good, on the contrary, idleness and not instilling the fear of God in children, are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, than borrow, - there will be no desired fruits in relation to good morality and a well-ordered life. With the instillation of the fear of God, any occupation is good and useful.
Rev. Ambrose of Optina
"Nothing saves love so much as forgiveness of insults to the guilty before us."
Saint John Chrysostom
"The corruption of children comes from nothing else, but from the insane attachment (of parents) to worldly things."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Take care not to leave children on earth, but to raise them to heaven; do not cleave to carnal marriage, but strive for spirituality; give birth to souls and raise children spiritually."
Saint Basil the Great
"It is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your mind, but to pray to the Lord, may he make you wise how to act in raising children, and may he save them from the corrupting spirit of the harmful customs of the world."
Venerable Macarius of Optina
“To love is the business of husbands, and to yield is the business of wives. Therefore, if everyone does his duty, then everything will be strong; seeing himself beloved, the wife is friendly, and meeting obedience, the husband is meek.”
Saint John Chrysostom
"Nothing calms and reconciles us to the actions of others like silence, prayer and love."
Rev. Joseph Optinsky
"Every soul that does not know care about anyone but itself has either already perished or is on the verge of death. Where it is not too late, you need to save your soul by caring for your neighbor."
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
"There should be no place for pride in family life. You never need to flatter your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness."
Holy Empress Alexandra
“So that people would honor and love each other, not be proud, not puffed up before each other, the all-wise Lord gave different people his various advantages, natural and grace-filled, so that they would need each other. Thus, each of us must involuntarily confess to one or another other infirmities and humble yourself before God and people."
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt.
"Wives, glowing with spiritual beauty, over time, more and more reveal their nobility, and the stronger becomes the affection and love of their husbands."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Husbands, deal prudently with your wives, as with the weakest vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
(1 Pet. 3:7)
"In education, neither excessive softness nor harshness is required - reasonableness is required."
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow
"Even if everything we have was well-organized, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of children."
Saint John Chrysostom
"Do not be embittered by anything, conquer everything with love: all sorts of insults, whims, all sorts of family troubles. Know nothing but love. Always blame yourself sincerely, recognizing yourself as the culprit of troubles."
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“A wife is more sensitive than her husband to everything, which means that a gentle and affectionate approach is required, and not harsh. Sometimes it’s unpleasant for a wife not what the instructions are given about, but the way it is done and with what tone.”
ÃÃÂ Saint John Chrysostom
Father Alexy Mechev told mothers who complained to him about their children preventing them from going to church:
ÃÓYour child is your Kyiv and your Jerusalem. Here is your place of prayer and your place of worship—your childÃÃÂ.”
ÃÓGod set the husband to be the guardian of the wife. And often, without realizing it, he gives permission or prohibition to his wife such as God inspires him. Ãû
St. Theophan the Recluse
"For the upbringing of children, the most important thing is that they see their parents living a great inner life."
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Holy Fathers on marriage
"Have you not read that He who first created male and female created them? And he said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:4-6).
"Husband, give your wife due favor; likewise the wife is to her husband. The wife does not have power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband does not have power over his body, but the wife. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, lest Satan tempt you with intemperance" (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
“He no longer regards the offering and does not accept a propitiatory sacrifice from your hands. You will say:“ why? ”Because the Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you acted treacherously, while she is a friend your wife and your lawful wife... Therefore, take care of your spirit, and no one act treacherously against the wife of his youth" (Mal. 2, 13-14, 15).
“It is also said that if anyone divorces his wife, let her give her a divorce paper. But I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of fornication, gives her an occasion to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5, 31-32).
In the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church...
Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the free promise of the bride and groom of their mutual fidelity before the priest and the church, their marital union is blessed - in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, they ask for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (113, 600).
And those who get married and get married should enter into an alliance with the consent of the bishop, so that the marriage is about the Lord, and not “out of lust. Let everything be for the glory of God.” Hieromartyr Ignatius the God-bearer (113, 598).
If marriage itself must be sanctified by a priestly cover and blessing, then how can there be marriage where there is no agreement of faith? Saint Ambrose of Milan (113, 598).
You, who have chosen to live together with your wife, do not be careless, as if you have the right to calm down. For your salvation, more work and caution is needed, because you have chosen your home among the nets and powers of apostate forces (demons). You have before your eyes motives for sins, and all your senses day and night are intensified to desire them. Therefore, know that you will not escape the struggle with the apostate and you will not gain victory over him without many labors on guard of the Gospel dogmas. Saint Basil the Great (8, 39).
"The time is already short, so that those who have wives should be as if they had not" (1 Cor. 7, 29), the Apostle wrote, warning not against lawful marriage, but against unruly sensuality. He also pointed to the near end of time: if, he says, life passes quickly, one should not become addicted to it, as to a constant. Rev. Isidore Pelusiot (50, 233).
True wealth and great happiness...
"Husband, show your wife due favor; likewise a wife is to her husband" (1 Cor. 7:3). Marriage is worthy of honor, and the marital union is blessed by God. Blessed, but in order to preserve the power of the Creator in the birth of those like himself and to;
the continuation of the human race, so that the spouses become parents and see themselves as fruitful oilseeds. Blessed is he who, with this holy intention, enters into a marital union; he chooses his wife not out of passion, but looks at her virtues. ... Such an election, as based on prudence, will make the marriage blessed and the spouses happy. Their life will be dissolved by love, nothing will be able to tempt their virtues: for virtue, and not passion, governs their souls. The fruit of their womb is undefiled: the child will play in their arms and be comforted by their holy kisses. To educate him in good manners will be their first concern. Yes, and it will not be difficult for them to educate him in good manners:
being themselves virtuous and setting a constant example of goodness, they will not allow the infant to see any temptation. He will wear their image on his face, but he will keep the same image in his manners. Such a son will be joy to his parents and make others jealous of him.
When the parents enrich themselves with this treasure, thus their house will be in the best order; will be like a cup filled with fragrant wine, a virtuous wife is also a prudent housewife.
How holy and inseparable this union is, the Apostle Paul explains: "The wife has no power over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife" (1 Cor. 7:4). And in another place this union explains even more importantly: "This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church" (Eph. 5, 32). The Church is united with Christ, just as the body and the head are so inseparable that neither Christ without the Church, nor the Church without Christ can exist. Truly the mystery of matrimony is great, if it should be a great sign of the eternal union of Christ with the Church. Platon, Metropolitan of Moscow (106, 194-197).
For the souls of children we will answer God
Whoever wants to raise children well, educates them in severity and labor, so that, having distinguished themselves in knowledge and behavior, they could eventually receive the fruits of their labors (49, 139).
At every age there are different worries and fears about children, and many works. Rev. Nil of Sinai (35, 42).
Blessed is he who brings up children in a pleasing way. Rev. Ephraim the Syrian (26, 146).
While the soul is still capable of education, tender and soft, like wax, easily imprints images in itself, it is necessary immediately and from the very beginning to awaken it to goodness. When the intellect opens up and the understanding comes into action, then the initial foundations will already be laid and the models of piety will be given. Then the mind will inspire what is useful, and skill will facilitate success. Saint Basil the Great (8, 112).
If parents do not provide proper care for children, do not teach them reason, do not inspire them with good rules, then the souls of children will be exacted at their hands. Saint Simeon the New Theologian (60, 93).
The gardener ties the seedlings to a stake fixed in the ground so that the wind and storm do not knock them down. And he cuts off knots or unusable shoots so that they do not damage the tree and dry it up. Do the same with your little and young children, bind their hearts to the fear of God, so that they will not be shaken by satanic wiles and leave piety. Cut off the passions growing in them, so that they do not grow and take possession of them, and do not kill the inner new man, born in holy Baptism. For we see that when children grow up, sinful passions appear and grow with them, like wild shoots on a tree. Therefore, so that these wild shoots do not grow and do not harm a person, and do not destroy him, washed, sanctified and justified by holy Baptism, it is necessary to cut them off by the punishment and teaching of the Lord. Cut off, beloved, such shoots in the souls of your children, "bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4) (104, 373-374).
Parents need to pray to God for their children, so that He Himself would teach His fear and become wise for salvation.
Examples of good deeds should be shown to them in themselves. Young people, and indeed people of all ages, are better taught by a good life than by a word. For children especially imitate the life of their parents, what they notice in them, they themselves do, whether it be good or bad that they see. Therefore, parents themselves need to beware of temptations, and give an example of a virtuous life to their children, if they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they won't succeed. For children look more at the life of their parents and reflect it in their young souls than they listen to their words. The word of every teacher, connected with life, is a worthy and powerful instruction:
more instruction from parents (104, 377-378).
We see that a young tree easily leans in any direction and where it leans, it grows in that direction. So is a child: what he learns, he gets used to, what he learns, he will create. If he learns good in his youth, he will be good all his life. Whether he learns evil will be evil for life. A child can become both an angel and a devil. What kind of upbringing and instruction he receives, so it will be: from upbringing, as from a seed, all the rest of his life depends. Therefore, God's word exhorts parents: "Educate them in the teaching and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6, 4) (104, 601).
Youth, in itself prone to all evil, requires diligent observation, good upbringing and instruction, but instead meets its great evil - the poisonous temptation of parental morals ... The temptation, like a fire intensified, spreads further and further and eats animated temples. Woe to the children from this temptation; but extreme woe to parents who, instead of useful teaching, infect young hearts with an evil example, like poison (104, 601-602).
It is useful to teach the sciences and the arts, but it is necessary to teach how to live like a Christian. Pay attention to this, parents, so as not to be the murderers of those children whom you have brought into the world. The true father is not the one who gave birth, but the one who raised and taught well. He who gave birth gave only life, but he who brought up and taught well gave a good life. We are indebted to the fathers who bore us, but to the fathers who raised us well and instructed us in piety, we are in much greater debt. For those who gave birth to us - gave birth to temporary life; but the fathers who brought us up in piety give birth to eternal life. "Whoever does and teaches, he will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 5:19). Blessed is the father who gave birth both to temporal and eternal life. Unworthy is the parent who has given birth to children for a temporary life, but has closed the doors to them either by bad education or by his own temptations. It is better for a man not to be born than to be born and be in eternal death (104, 1595).
Many parents, having a blind love for children, regret punishing them for misconduct: but later, when the children grow up and are immoral, such parents themselves will understand their error in not punishing their children while they were small. God Himself punishes His chosen children, as we see in Scripture, so does He not love them? "The Lord whom He loves punishes;
he beats every son whom he receives "(Heb. 12, 6). In this matter, Christians should imitate the Heavenly Father and love and punish their children. Unpunished in youth, they remain in maturity, like unbroken and wild horses, to no therefore, Christian, love your children like a Christian and punish them so that they become serviceable and good.St. Tikhon of Zadonsk (104, 1600-1601).
You remember how for the fatherly piety of Noah and Lot their sons and daughters were saved. And now those who honor their parents receive great blessings from God: abundance in the house, and later eternal abundance, as Jesus the son of Sirach says about this: “He who respects his mother is like he who acquires treasures” (Sir. 3, 4). Further, such a person will have honor from his sons, according to the words of the same son of Sirach: "He who honors his father will have joy from his children" (Sir. 3, 5). And if he prays to God for health or happiness, his prayers will be heard by God: "On the day of his prayer he will be heard" (Sir. 3, 5). In addition, such a person will be happy and long-lived in this life, as the commandment of God says about this: “Honor your father and your mother, (so that it will be good for you and) so that your days on earth will be long” (Ex. 20, 12) and also: "He who respects his father will live long" (Sir. 3, 6). Such one will also be glorious before everyone both on earth and in heaven, according to the following words: "Glory to a man from the honor of his father" (Sir. 3, 11). His family will also be long-lived, "for the blessing of the father establishes the houses of the children" (Sir. 3, 9). If he falls into any misfortune or sadness happens to him, then he will soon be freed from them, as the Scripture says about this:
"Mercy to the father is not forgotten; despite your sins, your well-being will increase" (Sir. 3, 14). He will also be rewarded with cleansing from sins, for the one who honors his father will cleanse sins: “Your sins will be forgiven like ice from warmth” (Sir. 3, 15). Finally, he will not only be blessed by God on earth while he is alive, but after death at the terrible judgment of Christ, he will hear these desired words: "Come, blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world" (Matt. 25, 34 ). Saint Demetrius of Rostov (103, 327-328).
Children should show every gratitude to their parents, from whom they received life, instruction, and all that they have. This gratitude consists in the following: to help them in every need; when they have no means, to feed and clothe them; in old age, in illness, or in any other case, to cover or excuse their infirmities, as did Shem and Japheth, the sons of Noah (Gen. 9, 23), who covered the nakedness of their father. So it is said in Proverbs: "Obey your father: he has begotten you; and do not neglect your mother when she is old" (Prov. 23, 22). Ham, the son of the same Noah, who showed the nakedness of his father, was punished (Gen. 9, 25) (104, 605).
The holy apostle teaches: "Children, be obedient to your parents in everything" (Col. 3:20). Obedience is then necessary when parents teach their children what is in accordance with the word of God, and does not contradict it. That is why the holy apostle instructs children to listen to their parents about the Lord, that is, to listen to whatever the Lord pleases: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1). If they command contrary to the word of God, then in no case should they be listened to, since God's command should be incomparably more respected than parental command. Christ, the Son of God, taught about this in the Holy Gospel: "Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me" (Matthew 10:37) (104:605-606).
For disobedience to parents, God determined great punishments for children: 1) a curse: "Cursed be he who curses his father or his mother!" (Deut. 27, 16); 2) death: "Whoever speaks evil of his father or his mother, let him be put to death" (Lev. 20:9). Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (104, 607).
"What God has joined together, man shall not separate"
With these words (Matt. 19:6) the Lord affirms the inseparability of Christian marriage. Only one legal reason for divorce is indicated - the infidelity of the spouses. But what if something like this opens up? Be patient. We have a universal commandment to bear each other's burdens; the more willingly should such close persons as spouses mutually fulfill it. Unwillingness to be patient inflates troubles, and trifles pile up in the dividing wall. Why is the mind given? Smooth out life path. Prudence will dispel the contradictions encountered. They do not dissipate from a lack of worldly prudence, but rather from an unwillingness to carefully consider the situation and even more from the absence of another goal in life, except for pleasures. Pleasures cease, contentment with each other also ceases; further, more, here is the divorce. Bishop Theophan the Recluse (116, 235-236).
About marriage and virginity
We honor virginity, combined with humility, and abstinence, observed with honesty and piety, we accept, and we approve of humble seclusion from worldly affairs, and we honor honest marital cohabitation. The Book of Rules of the Holy Apostles (113, 598).
We do not bring enmity between virginity and marriage - on the contrary, we respect both as mutually beneficial. Glorious is virginity, but true virginity, because even in virginity there are differences: some virgins dozed off and fell asleep, while others were awake (Matthew 25:1-13). Marriage is also worthy of praise, but marriage is faithful and honest, since many have kept, and many have not kept its purity. Saint Amphilochius of Iconium (113, 608).
It is inconvenient for those who have entered into married life to devote themselves with peace of mind to the Divine life. And for those who have completely retired from this turbulent life and all entertainment, it is very easy to indulge in the highest exercises. Saint Gregory of Nyssa (23, 284).
Saint Maximus the Confessor († 662):
The legitimate purpose of union with a woman should be the birth and rearing of children. When the one who enters into marriage has in mind only sensual pleasures, strives only to please the lusts of his flesh, then he is deeply mistaken and by such union with a woman brings disorder into life relations, the bad consequences of which quite naturally resonate with himself and his offspring.
How to depict the happiness of marriage, which the Church herself enters into, which prayer confirms, seals the blessing, announces the Angels and finally confirms the Father. How pleasant is the yoke of two hearts united by one hope, one doctrine, one law. They are like children of one Father, like servants of one Lord; there is no discord between them, either in soul or in body. They are two in one flesh. Where there is one flesh, there is one spirit. They pray together, kneel together, fast together, mutually instruct and admonish each other. Together they are present in the church and at the Lord's table, endure persecution together, and enjoy peace together. They do not hide anything from each other, they are not a burden to one another. They freely visit the sick, give alms without hesitation, stand in prayer meetings without entertainment; together they sing psalms and hymns and mutually excite each other to the glorification of the Lord.
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867):
The "law of marriage" consists in the following words: For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh (Gen. 2:24).
Conception and birth do not take place without Divine Providence; both are God's work, God's gift.
Archpriest Gennady Nefedov. (beginning of XX century):
The form of the bishop's betrothal blessing, as the text of one of the ancient liturgies brings it to us, was simple and contained a brief prayerful wish: "Bless, Lord, this ring,... for as it crowns a man's finger,... so let the grace of the Holy Spirit surround bridegroom and bride, so that they may see sons and daughters to the third and fourth generation, who may praise your name." This blessing reveals the essence of Christian marriage: the spiritualization of sensual love, the invocation of God's help, strengthening for the joint introduction into life of good, saving principles of morality and the continuation of these spiritual principles in posterity.
The rings on their hands testify that from now on the Lord is with them to make them "a fortified city and an iron pillar" and remind them of the "friendship of youth, of love" and their desire "to be holy to the Lord, the firstfruits of His fruits" (Jer. 1, 18; 2, 3). They are zealous for glorious deeds, for witnessing the truth, for receiving God's bounties, for God's blessing is all-powerful: "The Lord watches over His word, that it may soon be fulfilled" (Jer. 1:12). This is the guarantee of the strength of their life together and its meaning; this is the secret of preserving mutual love, unfading in time. God sends an Angel to walk before them and lead them to the Kingdom of Heaven. To discover for themselves this Kingdom, which, according to the word of Christ, “is inside you” - inside their joint love, is helped by the betrothed prayers and the blessing of the Church, taught to them in the ceremony of wedding.
Passion-bearer Empress Alexandra (1872-1918):
How happy is the house where everyone - children and parents, without a single exception - believes in God together. In such a house reigns the joy of camaraderie. Such a house as the threshold of Heaven. It can never be alienated.
Venerable Nektarios of Optina (1853-1928):
Happiness in married life is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church.
Professor Archpriest V. Zenkovsky (XX century):
The mystery of the family, about which the apostle Paul spoke, is in general the mystery of spiritual expansion, which is born from the very depths of family life. Of course, the birth of children is of the deepest significance here, which not only brings with it joy, but also realizes the feeling of "fullness" that comes out so vividly when the husband and wife become "parents": the appearance of children in the family is really a real entry into the sphere of endless existence. From generation to generation, from parents to children, who will also become "parents" in their time, the uninterrupted unity of humanity stretches.
Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh (1914-2003):
Bodily marriage appears as a sacrament, similar to the Eucharist, the communion of believers. In what sense? In the sense that in the Eucharist, by the power of God, miraculously uniting faith and love, the believer and Christ become one. And in marriage ... thanks to mutual faith and mutual love, two people outgrow all strife and become one being, one person in two persons. This is both the fullness of a spiritual-spiritual-bodily marriage and the fullness of chastity, when two people treat each other like a shrine, and turn all their relationships, including bodily ones, into a sacrament, into something that transcends the earth and elevates to eternity.
... In Christ, in God, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, they become one flesh, one being, remaining at the same time one and only personalities. In marriage, the last limit of separation is overcome. Ideally, the relationship of husband and wife is not greed, it is not a desire to possess, it is not predation, but reverent vision and giving oneself to another, and accepting the other into oneself in love, in the contemplative mystery of love. This is the ideal of marriage.
Saint Ambrose of Milan (4th century):
When marriage itself must be sanctified by priestly protection and blessing, then how can one call that marriage where there is no agreement of faith?
Presbyter Tertullian (II-III centuries):
Christians who marry idolater wives cannot be excluded from the charge of fornication.
A woman, trying to be pleasing to her pagan husband, should take care of her beauty and her attire. Such a husband will interfere with her in everything: if she needs to go help someone, the husband, just at that time, will stick to her with his caresses; if she wants to think about her soul, the husband just on this day invites guests to a feast.
... Where fellow believers marry with the approval and blessing of the Church, there is God's favor, harmony of souls and a truly happy marriage. How blessed is the marriage of two believers with the same hope, the same piety, the same feelings towards everything ... the same discipline, the same duties! Both are brothers! Both are sorabs. No distinction between spirit and flesh. Truly - two in one flesh. Where is one flesh. There is one spirit. They pray together, wish together, hold fasts together, teaching one another, admonishing one another, supporting one another. In the Church of God, both are equal, equal in cohabitation (according to) God, equal in narrowness, in persecution, in consolations, both do not hide anything from each other, do not deviate from each other, each is important for the other; the sick are willingly visited, the needy are supported; alms - without torture, worship - without a doubt, daily exercises - without obstacles, not a secret sign, not a silent blessing; Psalms and hymns resound between the two, mutually competing to see who sings better to their God. Seeing and hearing that, Christ rejoices, such sends His peace; where there are two - there is He, where He is - there is no evil ... Indeed, such a marriage is the queen of friendship and the hotbed of heaven.
Hieromonk Porfiry (Levashov) (1797-1868):
A wealthy woman is often subjected to severe illnesses from offended pride or extreme irritability. The poor woman, on the contrary, endures all sorrows and bitterness with firmness, solely because she is animated by faith and curbs her pride. How many, moreover, on the side of the first there are such pathological phenomena, which medical cunning itself cannot explain!
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783):
If the husband and wife are like-minded and good-natured, then the marriage will be prosperous and wonderful, for they will always have like-mindedness, harmony and peace, which is great prosperity ... But since Satan, the enemy of human souls, even in good-natured union of love and harmony tries break, then the husband and wife should be indulgent towards each other in the occasional infirmities, and endure each other with love, and then harmony and peace will be preserved.
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin):
At the wedding, they drink a common cup: wine mixed with water is drunk to the bottom. Wine - the joys of living together, water (and more) - common sorrows, troubles and pains.
Roses will be only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and soreness will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of the concept of love, then you will not be far from happiness.
Ambrose (Klyucharev), Archbishop of Kharkov (1821-1901):
The main misconception about family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made, which they must certainly find without labor and effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness in any way and nowhere on our earth: here everything is obtained by labor.
Imagining that a happy choice of a party secures family happiness forever and that it is strengthened by the first inclination, many spouses now lose sight of the fact that at the first time of marriage they still do not know each other as they should, or even themselves in their new position. Only by standing close to each other, as spouses stand, and only by time can they study the way of thinking, tastes, inclinations, habits of each other, and, to the surprise of many, significant shortcomings are revealed in the chosen ones of the heart along with the virtues that attracted love.
The discovery of shortcomings, unexpected thoughts, desires and demands sometimes strike both spouses as something extraordinary, dangerous for happiness and proving a mistake made in the choice. With further detection of shortcomings, this idea is confirmed, and multiplying collisions, disputes and quarrels with a lack of observation of oneself and indulgence towards each other are taken as proof that happiness flies away, that marriage has failed, that it is impossible to live together, that it is necessary to disperse. Meanwhile, the rules of Christian life required both spouses, in gratitude to God for the virtues found in each other, to be on their guard and wait for the discovery of shortcomings as an inevitable belonging of each person; study them, treat them with all the indulgence that mutual love requires, and take to correcting each other with meekness and patience.
St. Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908):
Your cohabitation must be pure and holy, as the union of the Lord with the Church is holy; should be reasonable, loving and peaceful and inseparable. Your cohabitation must be pure and holy, for the Lord Himself, who first created man, male and female, combines husband and wife into one flesh for mutual help in bodily and spiritual needs and for the sake of multiplying the human race.
Be as sincere, kind and affectionate as possible to your household: then all the troubles on their part will be destroyed by themselves, then you will overcome, according to the Apostle, good evil if they have evil against you and express it.
St. Righteous Alexy Mechev (1859-1923):
In family life, everyone must forget himself completely, think only about others, and such an attitude of family members to each other welds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without others.
Wise by experience, the groom tries to be as strict with himself as possible, and more carefully with his new girlfriend, and if some shortcomings are noticed in the bride, then they should not be attributed to her, but to her parents, and try to cover everything with love. Seeing the love and disposition of her husband, in turn, the wife tries to repay the same and, noticing the roughness of her husband’s character, the wife, not wise by experience, covering everything with love, imperceptibly tries to correct these shortcomings, roughness and acts as a guide of the heart very skillfully and through this mutual a loving relation to each other two beings, perhaps at first being and completely opposite to each other, approach and become close and live to the point that one heart and one spirit are formed.
Bishop Hilarion (Alfeev) (XX-XXI centuries):
At first, lovers see only good in each other, idealize each other. But the rapture passes with time, the holiday is replaced by everyday life, and then the spouses begin to see each other's shortcomings with bitterness. Much of what used to seem bright and beautiful suddenly turns out to be dull, colorless, dark. Such insight can come in a few months, and in a few years. If the spouses manage to overcome this crisis, survive it together, the marriage is saved; if it fails, the marriage cracks and things start to go to divorce.
S. Ostroumov, archpriest (XIX-XX centuries):
God sends an angel of small sacrifices to every Christian family, who removes splinters, heals injections, makes our life easier and supports the weary. This angel inspires people with only one simple rule: good does not make noise, noise does not make good. This angel is like a sunbeam, shining, warming, enlivening everyone and not embarrassing anyone. The presence of an angel is recognized by freedom from irritation, calculated cold and caustic words, petty vindictiveness that darken family life.
Those who have not made peace with themselves do not like to yield to others; not let others down - quite in the spirit of modern egoism.
Christian forbearance is more than forgiving; it is to justify, to interpret other people's shortcomings and blunders in a way that is beneficial for them ...
To be indulgent means to forget by evening the insults received during the day, and in the morning to inspire yourself: today I will be more restrained and will not give rise to any clash ...
Indulgence towards others is accompanied by self-accusation of a lack of kindness, compliance and caution. To be condescending means not only to accept apologies with joyful readiness, but to warn them, to go towards people who, out of timidity, do not dare to apologize.
Nothing contributes so much to the revival and strengthening of mutual affection as indulgence. Young spouses are often not distinguished by condescension, as they are not familiar enough with human weaknesses. But you need to know human weakness, and without exposing it to the surface, cover it up in another. And believing in a person that he is kind, help him to actually become kind.
Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov) (XX-XXI centuries):
The spirit of open or secret pride and vanity possesses us, so that almost each of us thinks a lot and highly of himself and little and low of others ...
Elevating, praising ourselves and humiliating, despising our neighbors, will we humbly serve them? Hence, in the family and society, instead of love, harmony and mutual services, mutual intransigence, mutual hostility, envy and hatred of each other, quarrels, strife, discord reign.
Saint Theophan, the Hermit Vyshensky (1815-1894):
Prudence helps clear up misunderstandings. They are not eliminated from a lack of worldly prudence, but more from an unwillingness to think carefully about the state of affairs and even more from the lack of another goal in life, except for sweets. Pleasures stop - satisfaction with each other also stops, and so on and on - that's the divorce ... The source of this evil is in the materialistic view of the world and life.
Marriage has much consolation, but it is also accompanied by many anxieties and sorrows, sometimes very deep. Keep this in mind so that when something like this comes, you will not meet it as a surprise. Now you two. And joys are stronger, and sorrows are easier to divide in half.
Cherish your love with your wife. This is the source of a happy family life. But you have to watch it so it doesn't get clogged.
Most of all, be afraid to lose trust in each other or shake it somehow.
It's good that you're doing everything at home. It is bad when someone in his family does not find happiness for himself. If you find it, thank the Lord. But try to keep it that way. There is only one art: to start each day as if it were the first after the wedding.
The family is a worldly cross for the head! Endure, obeying the Lord and doing everything on your part, commit everything to the will of God.
Archpriest Valentin Amfiteatrov (1836-1908):
The Christian family is the repository of love. Love, on the other hand, requires uninterrupted and most tender, most meek, dispassionate, enthusiastic relationships. But they are unattainable, like heaven, for those who have not risen to the level of obedience in the ladder of spiritual ascent.
G. I. Shimansky, theologian (1915-1961):
For home life, you need to have a gentle character, not be a formalist and make constant mutual concessions. There is no need to be very persistent in your views and dispositions, especially in small things, because small things fill a large part of our lives. You must always be ready for small sacrifices for your spouse. A good mood is the clean, clear, smokeless air of family life. It is hard for everyone to breathe in a bad mood and a grouchy, picky, intolerant, demanding and boring character.
Hieromonk Peter (Seregin) (1895-1982):
Those marriages and families are stronger in which the interests of personal pleasures are sacrificed for the love of neighbors: spouse, children. Legal restrictions cannot preserve what love does not create. And love is perfected, exalted through sacrifices for the beloved. Where victims are evaded, love fades, life fades.
Priest Anatoly Garmaev (XX-XXI centuries):
Blind love does not exist. With a movement of her heart, she sees selfishness in the other - dislike. She knows that this is the imperfection and disease of the other. He, the other, did not go through the stages in his life, at which a person is freed from egoism. He has yet to go through these steps. And the task of the lover is to surround him with care on this path, to call him by his own example to a different image of relations and in time to show what he - a different image of relations - can be. This is the hardest task of married life. It is the meaning of the family, it is the meaning of the life path that people go through as a husband, wife, parents.
The family, in which they came to understand this meaning, does not break up.
Elder Paisius Svyatogorets (1924-1994):
It is best if the spouses have one confessor. It is not so that the husband has one confessor, and the wife has another. If two boards are hewn by two different carpenters - each in his own way, then it will never be possible to fit one board to another.
The ideal Orthodox family, representing a small Church, helps each of its members to reach the Kingdom of Heaven. St. John Chrysostom spoke about this: “Where a husband, wife and children are united by bonds of virtue, harmony and love, there is Christ among them.” It is appropriate to quote here the words of St. Theophan the Recluse: “Whoever lives in a family, that is salvation from family virtues”; “Perfection can also be achieved in family life. It is only necessary to extinguish and eradicate passions.However, family life brings not only joy, it is also associated with inevitable difficulties, both internal (relations between family members) and external (material support for the existence of the family) character. The saints of the Russian Orthodox Church spoke about this side in the following way: “The family is a worldly cross for the head! – Endure, obeying the Lord, and doing everything on your part, commit everything to the will of God. Hind thoughts here are more harmful than useful. It is only salvific to pray to God for oneself and for the family, that He will do something useful for us according to the will of His saint "..
One of the temptations of a family man is to forget about God, to cool off towards faith, while worrying about relatives. St. Nicholas of Serbia warns about this: “If a person devotes all his thoughts and all his zeal to his family and does not want to know anything except his family, then his family is a deity for him. And then it is a disease of the soul "and a violation of the commandment" do not make an idol for yourself ".
Marriage
The family grows out of marriage. According to the Orthodox understanding, “marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free, before the priest and the Church, the promise of the bride and groom of their mutual fidelity, their marital union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity, to a blessed birth and Christian raising children".
The sacrament of marriage has existed in the Church since apostolic times, as evidenced, in particular, by the words of the disciple of the apostles, Hieromartyr Ignatius the God-bearer, who wrote to Christians at the very beginning of the 2nd century: was for the Lord, and not for lust."
St. John Chrysostom writes about the need for this sacrament for Orthodox Christians: “It is necessary to call upon the priests and affirm the spouses in their life together with prayers and blessings, so that both the groom’s love intensifies and the bride’s chastity strengthens, so that everything contributes to the establishment of virtue in their home, and the devil’s machinations scattered, and the spouses spent their lives in joy, united by the help of God.
“The first miracle of Christ, described in the Holy Scriptures, was the miracle in Cana of Galilee at the wedding feast. It is understood by the Church as a blessing of marriage, and the gospel of this miracle is read in the wedding ceremony. As St. Gregory the Theologian says, “It is best if Christ Himself is present at the marriage, because where Christ is, everything acquires dignity, and water turns into wine, that is, everything changes for the better.”
The Holy Fathers repeatedly emphasized the high dignity of Christian marriage, pointing out that it does not in the least close the possibility of perfecting oneself in piety and that, united by faith and love, it brings a lot of good to a person.
So, St. Gregory the Theologian wrote: “Constituting one flesh, (spouses) have one soul and by mutual love awaken in each other zeal for piety. For marriage does not move away from God, but, on the contrary, binds more, because it has more motives to turn to Him. A small ship moves forward even with a weak wind ... a light breath of the wind will not move a large ship ... Thus, those who are not burdened with worldly cares have less need for the help of the great God, and one who is obliged to take care of a dear wife, property and children, cuts through a more extensive sea of \u200b\u200blife He needs a lot of God's help, and he loves God mutually more... Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace hands, feet, and hearing for each other. Marriage makes the weak twice as strong... The common concerns of the spouses ease their sorrows, and the common joys delight both. For unanimous spouses, wealth becomes more pleasant, but in poverty, unanimity itself is more pleasant than wealth. For them, the marriage bond is the key to chastity and wishes, the seal of necessary affection.
And here is about the same subject of reasoning of St. John Chrysostom: “Marriage not only does not interfere with a charitable life if we want to stay awake, but also greatly contributes to the taming of a fiery nature, not allowing the sea to worry, but constantly directing the boat to the pier.” “True wealth and great happiness, when husband and wife live in harmony and are united with each other as one flesh ... Such spouses, even though they lived in poverty and were humble, can be happier than everyone, because they enjoy true happiness and always live in tranquility ... Living in such a marital union, nothing can sadden too much, violate their peaceful happiness. If there is unanimity between husband and wife, peace and the union of love, all good things flow to them. And evil slander is not dangerous for spouses, fenced, like a great wall, by unanimity in God ... This multiplies their wealth and all abundance; this elevates them to the highest level of good fame; this also attracts the great favor of God on them.
In turn, St. Luke of Crimea spoke of marriage as a kind of school of love: “There are different types of love: there is the love of a husband for his wife, a wife for her husband, love of parents for children, love of children for parents ... There is the most perfect degree of love, the highest and the most sacred is the love of God. In every matter one must gradually ascend from the simple to the higher. Therefore, let marriage serve us for the purpose of teaching love. Marital love is easy, because it is supported by a strong incessant desire of one flesh for another, it is strengthened by an inseparable bodily bond.
The Orthodox Church has not only always recognized and blessed marriage, but also condemned as heretics those who denied marriage and abhorred it. “The Apostle Paul, who personally chose virginity for himself and called to imitate it in this (see: 1 Cor. 7: 8), nevertheless condemns “the hypocrisy of false talkers, burned in their conscience, forbidding marriage” (1 Tim. 4 : 2–3). The 51st Canon of the Apostles reads: “If someone ... moves away from marriage ... not for the sake of the achievement of continence, but because of abhorrence, forgetting ... that God, creating man, husband and wife, created them, and thus, blaspheming, slanders the creation, - or let him be corrected, or let him be expelled from the sacred order and rejected from the Church. It is developed by the 1st, 9th and 10th canons of the Gangra Council: “If anyone condemns marriage and abhors a faithful and pious wife who copulates with her husband, or condemns her as unable to enter the Kingdom [of God], let him be under an oath. If anyone is virginal or abstains, moving away from marriage, as one who abhors it, and not for the sake of the very beauty and holiness of virginity, let him be under an oath. If any of those who are virgins for the sake of the Lord exalts themselves over those who are married, let him be under an oath.
Monasticism
The Church has since ancient times revered the ideal of virginity for the sake of God, embodied in the monastic path. Of course, the monastic path is more glorious and meritorious than marriage, but this does not serve as a reason to humiliate marriage. The Church's attitude to this was expressed by St. Amphilochius of Iconium: “We do not bring enmity between virginity and marriage; on the contrary, we respect both as mutually beneficial. Glorious is virginity, but true virginity, because even in virginity there are differences: some virgins dozed off and fell asleep, while others were awake (cf. Matt. 25:1-13). Marriage is also worthy of praise, but marriage is faithful and honest, since many have kept, and many have not kept its purity.
St. Gregory of Nyssa writes about the reasons why monks, among the three main vows, take a vow of chastity, thereby refusing to enter into marriage: And for those who have completely retired from this turbulent life and all entertainment, it is very easy to indulge in the highest exercises.
St. Theophan the Recluse explains this in more detail: “A monk is one whose internal structure is so arranged that only God exists and he disappears in God. And since this mood is greatly hindered by family and civil life, those who seek it move away from society, break off or even do not enter into family ties at all. There is an indication of this from the Savior Himself, namely about celibacy and perfect non-acquisition.
Thus, the rejection of family life by a real monk is dictated not by contempt for marriage, but by the desire for a goal that is much more convenient for him to achieve without marriage.
Relationships in marriage
The proper order of relations between husband and wife is described in the Holy Scriptures, in particular in the Apostle Paul: “Husband, show your wife due favor; like a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor. 7:3-4); “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church… But just as the Church is subject to Christ, so are wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her... So husbands should love their wives as their bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself... This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church. So let each of you love his wife as himself; but let the wife fear her husband” (Eph. 5:22-25, 28, 32-33).
It is noteworthy how St. Luke of Crimea interprets these words: “How the Apostle Paul exalts the marriage union! Can there be a higher likeness of marriage than likening it to the union of Christ and the Church? This is the ascension to the unattainable height of the sanctity of the marriage bond between a man and a woman ... The bodies of a man and a woman mutually complement each other, and through this, a new person is born into the world. But carnal love should not be the goal of marriage. In it, we must learn the highest love: one must love one's wife not for the flesh, but for her pure soul and good heart. The wife has what the husband does not have; it spiritually complements it, and vice versa. Therefore, in relations between spouses, those features of the spirit, mind and heart that are characteristic only of a man and only a woman should manifest themselves with great force. The coarseness of a man's heart is made up for by the tenderness and purity of a wife's heart, for a woman's heart is much finer, more capable of spiritual love. And the wife ... when communicating with her husband, she must make up for her lack of strength, the depth of her mind with his knowledge, his strong will. Man and woman must become one body and one soul in marriage. Something higher must be born from their union, combining all the good and great that is in each of them. Isn't that enrichment? Is this not the grace of God?! Isn't this the whole secret of marriage, the deepest meaning of the marriage union?
St. Theophan the Recluse also speaks of the need to preserve mutual love in marriage: “Take care of your mutual love with your wife. This is the source of a happy family life. But we must observe it so that it does not become clogged.
St. John Chrysostom testified about the division of duties between husband and wife: “A husband should think about planting piety in the house with deeds and words; and let the wife watch over the house, but besides this occupation, she should have another, more urgent concern for the whole family to work for the Kingdom of Heaven.
However, for a long time, since the last century, a different model of intra-family relations has been increasingly established in society than that indicated by the apostle. St. Luke of Crimea speaks about this in more detail: “Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife” (Eph. 5: 22-23). This means that the wife should be in loving, quiet, free submission husband. When we talk about submission, immediately proud people, and especially proud women, are inflamed with indignation. They do not even want to hear about obedience in love, they demand complete equality between husband and wife ... [But] a woman, according to the deepest features of her bodily organizations, has a great purpose that a man does not have - childbearing and, consequently, raising children. For it is impossible to give birth to a child and abandon him; on parents and, above all, on the mother lies the most sacred duty - to raise a child and give him education. Everything great, eternal, holy should always be put at the forefront. Therefore, it is necessary that in the life of a woman this most important task takes the first place ... Unfortunately, as a result of the establishment of complete equality of women with men in all areas of physical and mental labor, the upbringing of children in a family is in a deplorable state ... Who brings up children in such families, where both father and mother occupy important public positions, from morning to night at work and have neither the time, nor the strength, nor the opportunity to take care of children? In the vast majority of cases - no one ... And such a family, in which there is no one to raise children, does not constitute a single inseparable spiritual whole, which is why there can be no prosperity either in society or in the state. It is unfavorable in the family if a woman takes on the role of a man, refusing those holy family duties to which God Himself has destined her.
Divorce
St. John Chrysostom writes: “To divorce is contrary to both nature and Divine law. Nature - because one flesh is split, law - because you try to divide what God has connected and did not order to separate. He also advises to endure and try to correct the shortcomings of the spouse, instead of rushing to destroy the marriage: “Just as during an illness we do not cut off a sick member, but heal it, so we will do with our wife. If there is any vice in her, then do not reject the wife, but destroy the vice.
St. Philaret of Moscow gives similar advice: “Couldn’t need justify a deviation from the marriage law, for example, when another marriage is sought from an unhappy marriage? - No way. What could be more unfortunate than a husband whose wife is so insane that she must be kept in chains? But the rule of the Church says that in this case, he should not leave her and look for another. Whom an unhappy marriage has befallen by the inscrutable fate of God, he must endure it as a test from God, and whoever - as a result of an unreasonable choice, he must endure it as a punishment for his recklessness.
From these words it can be seen that “The Church insists on the lifelong fidelity of spouses and the indissolubility of Orthodox marriage, based on the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “What God has combined, let no man separate ... Whoever divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another, he commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:6, 9). Divorce is condemned by the Church as a sin, because it brings severe mental suffering to both spouses (at least one of them), and especially children. I am extremely worried about the current situation, in which a very significant part of marriages is being dissolved, especially among young people ...
The only acceptable grounds for divorce the Lord called adultery, which defiles the sanctity of marriage and destroys the bond of marital fidelity. In cases of various conflicts between spouses, the Church sees its pastoral task in that by all means inherent in it (teaching, prayer, participation in the sacraments) to protect the integrity of marriage and prevent divorce ...
In 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, in its “Determination on the Reasons for Terminating a Marriage Union Sanctified by the Church,” recognized as such, in addition to adultery and the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, also the falling away of a spouse or spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability to marital cohabitation that occurred before marriage or was the result of intentional self-mutilation, illness with leprosy or syphilis, long-term absence, condemnation to a punishment combined with deprivation of all rights of the state, encroachment on the life or health of a spouse or children, dreaming, pandering, deriving benefits from the indecency of a spouse , incurable severe mental illness and malicious abandonment of one spouse by another. Currently, this list of grounds for divorce is supplemented by such reasons as AIDS, medically certified chronic alcoholism or drug addiction, abortion by the wife with the disagreement of the husband.
If the breakdown of a marriage is a fait accompli, and the restoration of the family is not recognized as possible, a church divorce is also allowed by indulgence, which in essence is not the abolition of the sacrament of marriage by the Church, but only a statement of the fact that this marriage no longer exists, it is destroyed by one or both former spouses.
Second marriage
“Since the Christian marriage union is the sacrament and image of the union of Christ with the Church, then there can be only one perfect marriage union, since Christ has only one bride - the Church, and the Church - only one bridegroom, Christ ... Hence the wisdom of the Orthodox Church lies in the fact that that it recognizes one marriage as perfect for all Christians. She allows the second marriage out of indulgence to human weakness, and the third she admits reluctantly, with penance, as not free from sin, averting a greater evil by this imperfect deed - fornication outside of marriage.
“Just as virginity is better than marriage, so the first marriage is better than the second,” writes St. John Chrysostom. The Orthodox Church has never considered the second marriage a full-fledged marriage, and in order to separate it from the first marriage, the rite of the wedding of the second marriage arises, which has significant differences. If wedding prayers are solemn and joyful, then prayers for second marriages always have a repentant meaning.
We can cite the words concerning this issue from the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church: “The Church does not at all encourage second marriage. However, after a legal ecclesiastical divorce, according to canon law, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up and was annulled through their fault are allowed to enter into a second marriage only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of the penance imposed in accordance with canonical rules. In those exceptional cases when a third marriage is allowed, the period of penance, according to the rules of St. Basil the Great, is extended.
Attitude towards children
“The birth of children became the greatest consolation for people when they became mortal. Therefore, the philanthropic God, in order to immediately mitigate the punishment of the forefathers and ease the fear of death, granted the birth of children, showing in it ... the image of the resurrection.
“The Word of God recognizes children not so much as the property of their parents, but as the property of God: “This is an inheritance from the Lord: children; reward from Him is the fruit of the womb” (Ps. 126:3). What mother could ever say: I will have a fetus? What father could say: I will have a son?.. Conception and birth do not take place without Divine Providence; both are God's work, God's gift.
But this gift imposes a serious responsibility on parents, about which St. John Chrysostom speaks well: “It is not just a birth that makes a father, but a good education; not carrying in the womb makes a mother, but a good upbringing ... If the children born to you receive a proper upbringing and are instructed in virtues by your cares, this will be the beginning and foundation of your salvation, and, in addition to the reward for your own good deeds, you will receive a great reward for their upbringing » . On the contrary, as St. Simeon the New Theologian testifies, “if parents do not provide proper care for children, do not teach them reason, do not instill in them good rules, then the souls of children will be exacted at their hands.” “Negligence for children is the greatest of all sins, it leads to extreme wickedness. Even if our whole life is prosperous, we will be severely punished if we do not care about the salvation of children.
"Whoever wants to raise children well, educates them in severity and labor." “A good upbringing is not about first letting vices develop and then trying to drive them out. We must take all measures to make our nature inaccessible to vices.
Most of all, as St. Tikhon of Zadonsk advises, one must teach by one’s own example, “for children especially imitate the lives of their parents, what they notice in them, they themselves do, whether it be good or bad, what they see. Therefore, parents themselves need to beware of temptations and give an example of a virtuous life to their children, if they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they won't succeed. For children look more at the life of their parents and reflect it in their young souls than they listen to their words.
“You are obliged to teach children, and from children you yourself must learn, according to what was said from the Lord Himself: “Unless you are like children, do not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.” And the holy Apostle Paul interpreted it this way: but minds be perfect.”
“It will be enough for you if you take care to bring up your children in the fear of God, inspire them with the Orthodox concept and, with well-intentioned instructions, protect them from concepts that are alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever you sow good in the souls of your children in their youth, it may later vegetate in their hearts, when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break off the branches of a good home Christian upbringing ... As a child-loving mother, pass on the information yourself about these subjects to your children, as best you can. No one can replace you in this ... the words of the mother can affect them more than the word of an outsider. The instructions of others act on the mind, and the instructions of the mother act on the heart.
Should children be punished? Sacred Scripture says quite definitely: "Discipline your son as long as there is hope, and do not be indignant at his cry" (Prov. 19:18). And here is what the holy fathers say about this: “Instruct good-naturedly; rebuke meekly and peacefully; punish moderately and with regret”; “Children must be led from limiting freedom to expanding it. Otherwise, having become too free too soon, where will he go next with his desire for progress and increasing satisfaction? Will he not be tempted to shake the just limits of reasonable and legal freedom?
Attitude towards parents
Honoring parents is spoken of many times in the Holy Scriptures. ““He who respects his mother is like one who acquires treasures ... he who honors his father will have joy from his children, on the day of his prayer he will be heard” (Sir. 4: 4-5). In addition, such a person will be happy and long-lived in this life, as the commandment of God says about this: “Honor your father and your mother, (so that you may be well and) so that your days on earth will be long” (Ex. 20: 12), and again: “He who respects his father will live long” (Sir. 4: 6). His generation will also be long-lived, “for the blessing of the father establishes the houses of the children” (Sir. 4: 9). If he falls into any misfortune or sadness happens to him, then he will soon be freed from them, as the Scripture says about this: “Mercy to the father is not forgotten; despite your sins, your welfare will increase” (Sir. 4: 14).
In Scripture, we also see an example of the proper attitude towards the mother. The Lord Jesus Christ from childhood was in obedience to His Mother (see Luke 2:51). Out of obedience to Her, He also performed His first miracle (cf. John 2:1-11). The Lord called reverence for the mother among the most important commandments, the observance of which is necessary for those who wish to inherit eternal life (see: Matt. 19: 19), and on the contrary, it was precisely for the violation of the commandment to honor the mother that He reproved the Pharisees of His time (see: Matthew 15:4-6). Out of compassion for a mother whose only son was being carried out dead on a stretcher, He performed a miracle by resurrecting him from the dead (see Luke 7:12-15), thus showing His mercy to all motherhood. Finally, the Lord, even while in terrible agony on the cross, did not cease to care for His Mother, placing Her in the care of one of His disciples (see John 19:26-27).
The disciples of Christ, who compiled the New Testament, having in front of them a model of Christ's love for the Mother of God, with particular force asserted the need for reverence for the mother: “Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with a promise: may it be good for you, and you will be long-lived on earth” ( Ephesians 6:2-3). The Apostle Paul specifically mentioned in his epistles: "Greet Rufus, the chosen one in the Lord, and his mother and mine" (Rom. 16:13). In another place, listing the most vile sins, the apostle puts the sin of insulting the mother before murder, sodomy and other sins (see: 1 Tim. 1: 9).
As for the words of the Savior: “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, and, moreover, his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26 ), then the blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria explains them this way: “Look, in your simplicity and inexperience, do not be tempted by this saying. For the Lover of Man does not teach inhumanity, does not inspire suicide, but wants His sincere disciple to hate his relatives when they hinder him in the worship of God and when he finds difficulties in doing good in his relations with them. On the contrary, when they do not interfere with this, He even teaches to honor them to the last breath. Christian tradition teaches us to understand these words of the Lord in the light of His other phrase: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matt. 10:37).
St. Tikhon of Zadonsk writes: “Children should show all gratitude to their parents, from whom they received life, guidance, and everything they have. This gratitude consists in the following: to help them in every need; when they have no means, to feed and clothe them; in old age, in illness, or in any other case, to cover or excuse their infirmities, as did Shem and Japheth, the sons of Noah (see: Gen. 9: 23), who covered the nakedness of their father ... The Holy Apostle teaches: “Children, be obedient to your parents yours in everything” (Col. 3:20). Obedience is then necessary when parents teach their children what is according to the word of God, and does not contradict it ... If they command contrary to the word of God, in no case should they be listened to, since God's command should be incomparably more honored than parental. Christ, the Son of God, taught about this in the holy Gospel: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37).
It is worth quoting the words of St. Philaret of Moscow: “When parents, relatives, mentors, bosses demand from you what is contrary to your wisdom, your inclination, your taste, but what is necessary, or useful, or at least harmless, sacrifice wisdom your, your inclination, your taste for the duty of obedience; remember Jesus, the Wisdom of God, who did not obey Joseph the woodworker (Luke 2:51).
The patristic instructions given here, although they do not cover all spheres of family life and family issues, can nevertheless be of undoubted benefit to modern Orthodox Christians.
W hello, dear visitors of the Orthodox island "Family and Faith"!
AND It would be unnecessary to talk about what a high percentage of divorces is in our 21st century ... And all because it is too frivolous and frivolous attitude to such an important life step as marriage. Like, I’m getting married, I’ll live a family life, and just a little, I’ll get divorced right away. And no one will reproach me for this, since most people do just that.
In fact, marriage is a sacred life, blessed by God Himself!
The Holy Fathers write the following about the violators of this marriage:
Divorce
From the collection of Yuri Maksimov
WITH Saint John Chrysostom writes: “To divorce is contrary to both nature and Divine law. Nature - because one flesh is split, law - because you attempt to divide what God has connected and did not order to separate. He also advises to endure and try to correct the shortcomings of the spouse, instead of rushing to destroy the marriage: “Just as during an illness we do not cut off a sick member, but heal it, so we will do with our wife. If there is any vice in her, then do not reject the wife, but destroy the vice.
St. Philaret of Moscow gives similar advice: “Couldn’t need justify a deviation from the marriage law, for example, when another marriage is sought from an unhappy marriage? - No way. What could be more unfortunate than a husband whose wife is so insane that she must be kept in chains? But the rule of the Church says that in this case, he should not leave her and look for another. Whom an unhappy marriage has befallen by the inscrutable fate of God, he must endure it as a test from God, and whoever - as a result of an unreasonable choice, he must endure it as a punishment for his recklessness.
From these words it can be seen that “The Church insists on the lifelong fidelity of spouses and the indissolubility of Orthodox marriage, based on the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “What God has combined, let no man separate ... Whoever divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another, he commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:6, 9). Divorce is condemned by the Church as a sin, because it brings severe mental suffering to both spouses (at least one of them), and especially children. I am extremely worried about the current situation, in which a very significant part of marriages is being dissolved, especially among young people ...
The only acceptable grounds for divorce the Lord called adultery, which defiles the sanctity of marriage and destroys the bond of marital fidelity. In cases of various conflicts between spouses, the Church sees its pastoral task in that by all means inherent in it (teaching, prayer, participation in the sacraments) to protect the integrity of marriage and prevent divorce ...
In 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, in its “Determination on the Reasons for Terminating a Marriage Union Sanctified by the Church,” recognized as such, in addition to adultery and the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, also the falling away of a spouse or spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability to marital cohabitation that occurred before marriage or was the result of intentional self-mutilation, illness with leprosy or syphilis, long-term absence, condemnation to a punishment combined with deprivation of all rights of the state, encroachment on the life or health of a spouse or children, dreaming, pandering, deriving benefits from the indecency of a spouse , incurable severe mental illness and malicious abandonment of one spouse by another. Currently, this list of grounds for divorce is supplemented by such reasons as AIDS, medically certified chronic alcoholism or drug addiction, abortion by the wife with the disagreement of the husband.
If the breakdown of a marriage is a fait accompli, and the restoration of the family is not recognized as possible, a church divorce is also allowed by indulgence, which in essence is not the abolition of the sacrament of marriage by the Church, but only a statement of the fact that this marriage no longer exists, it is destroyed by one or both former spouses.
Second marriage
"P Since the Christian marriage union is the sacrament and image of the union of Christ with the Church, there can be only one perfect marriage union, since Christ has only one bride - the Church, and the Church - only one bridegroom, Christ ... Hence the wisdom of the Orthodox Church lies in the fact that it recognizes one marriage as perfect for all Christians. She allows the second marriage out of indulgence to human weakness, and the third she admits reluctantly, with penance, as not free from sin, averting a greater evil by this imperfect deed - fornication outside of marriage.
“Just as virginity is better than marriage, so the first marriage is better than the second,” writes St. John Chrysostom. The Orthodox Church has never considered the second marriage a full-fledged marriage, and in order to separate it from the first marriage, the rite of the wedding of the second marriage arises, which has significant differences. If wedding prayers are solemn and joyful, then prayers for second marriages always have a repentant meaning.
We can cite the words concerning this issue from the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church: “The Church does not at all encourage second marriage. However, after a legal ecclesiastical divorce, according to canon law, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up and was annulled through their fault are allowed to enter into a second marriage only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of the penance imposed in accordance with canonical rules. In those exceptional cases where a third marriage is allowed, the period of penance, in accordance with the rules of St. Basil the Great, is extended.
Appendix 2
Saints on marriage and family life
Marriage is considered an honest matter both among us and among the Gentiles; and indeed, he is honest.
St. John Chrysostom (25, p. 4)
A family is a society that, under one head, the harmonious administration of various affairs, arranges its external well-being for internal. Usually it consists of parents and children, sometimes with other relatives, and servants. In this regard, there are obligations common to the whole family, and there are mutual obligations of different members of the family.
St. Theophan the Recluse (28, p. 645)
When we enter into marriage, we must do this for God, meaning not to receive a rich estate, but to find in a wife the nobility of the soul, not a lot of money and the celebrity of the ancestors, but virtue and meekness of morals; we must take a companion in life, and not a participant in feasts.
St. John Chrysostom (25, p. 4–5)
The "law of marriage" is in the following words: For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and there will be two flesh one(Gen. 2:24).
St. Philaret (Drozdov), Met. Moscow (32, pp. 3–4)
It is necessary to call on the priests, and with prayers and blessings, to establish unanimity in cohabitation, so that the love of the groom is strengthened, and the chastity of the bride is strengthened, so that everything contributes to the establishment of virtue in their house, and the devilish machinations are destroyed, and the spouses spend their lives in fun, united by help God's.
St. John Chrysostom (25, p. 5)
Constituting one flesh, they [spouses - S. M.] have one soul, and by mutual love equally arouse in each other zeal for piety.
The family is the church. He [husband - S.M.] is the head of this church. Let her keep her clean. The method and hours of home prayer on it: determine them and support them. Ways of enlightening the family in faith on it; the religious life of everyone on it: enlighten, strengthen, step up.
St. Theophan the Recluse (28, p. 646)
Marriage is well and clearly written in the New Testament. The holy apostles, with paternal love and severity, remind both husbands and wives and children: the headship of a husband over a wife is compared with the headship of Christ over the Church (1 Pet. 3:1-8). The love of a husband for his wife should be like the love of Christ for the Church (1 Tim. 2:9-15; 5:1-15), for which He sacrificed Himself (1 Cor. 7:1-16). Married woman "is saved by the birth of children, if he remains in faith, and love, and in the shrine with worship"(Tim. 2:1-6); (1 Corinthians 7:7-8; 32-40). And the one that lives in bodily passions, pleasures, is dead alive. Children honor and obey their parents. There is no union without obligations.
St. Nicholas Serbian(27, pp. 119–120)
A husband and wife, or a wife and her husband, must not be separated, except [if] one of them is caught in adultery or finds obstruction to piety.
St. Basil the Great (23, p. 173)
About the office of husbands and wives: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25). Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Col. 3:18). Satan, the eternal enemy of Christians, as between other Christians, as between wives and husbands, tries to take away love and peace and sow enmity. Surprise or more than regret is a worthy thing! Where can we expect more love than between husband and wife? With natural love a man loves his father and his mother, but Holy Scripture says: A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and the two shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:24). According to Scripture, husband and wife are one flesh. A strong union in one flesh! And who is at enmity with his own flesh? For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it (Eph. 5:29). But how much enmity we see between these persons, so closely connected! Few houses can be found in which these tares of the devil would not be. So, after all, the cunning of the devil is possible, that where he notices great love, there he makes greater effort to break it and put down his enmity. How much this plague harms other Christians, especially those who are married, it is impossible to explain! For this sake, against this enemy, we must arm ourselves with faith and pay attention to what God in His word commands one another to do.
St. Tikhon Zadonsky (17, p. 9)
The matrimonial union is important: it is entrusted by God with the continuation of the existence of the human race... Conception and birth do not take place without the Providence of God; both are God's work, God's gift.
St. Philaret (Drozdov), Met. Moscow (32, p. 4)
Truly, an important matter is a well-ordered marriage; as well as for those who do not live in it properly, it is the cause of many misfortunes. A wife, as she is a helper, is often a pest. Marriage is both a harbor and a shipwreck, not by its nature, but by the disposition of those who live poorly in it. Whoever observes it properly, according to the laws, after deeds in the marketplace and all the various evils, finds some consolation and joy in his house and in his wife; and whoever takes upon himself this matter thoughtlessly and as it happens, he, even in the marketplace, enjoys the great peace, upon arrival at home he encounters rocks and pitfalls. Therefore, since we are in danger not in an unimportant matter, it is necessary to listen with attention to what is said and whoever intends to marry, do it in accordance with the laws of Paul, or, better, with the laws of Christ.
St. John Chrysostom (25, p. 5–6)
Marriage does not move away from God, but, on the contrary, binds more, because it has more motives. Like a small ship, even in a weak wind, it moves forward, quickly carried across the waters with outstretched sails, even hands can easily force it to run with strokes of oars, but a light breath will not move a larger ship, on the contrary, when it goes out to sea with a load, only strong and a fair wind can give it a move; so those who have not entered into marriage, as not burdened with worldly cares, have a need for the lesser help of the great God; and whoever is obliged to be the guardian of a dear wife, estate and children, who cuts through the vast sea of life, needs God's great help, he loves God more mutually and himself.
St. Gregory the Theologian (24, p. 288)
Parents and teachers! Beware of your children with all care from the whims before you, otherwise the children will soon forget the price of your love, infect their hearts with malice, early lose the holy, sincere, ardent love of the heart, and upon reaching adulthood they will bitterly complain that in their youth there is too much cherished them, pandered to the whims of their hearts. Caprice is the germ of heart corruption, the rust of the heart, the moth of love, the seed of malice, an abomination to the Lord.
St. Righteous John of Kronstadt (11, p. 48)
Marriage is important in relation to the Providence of God and to the family. God, having created the first people, entrusted them and their descendants with the further creation of people into the world, entrusted, as it were, the continuation of His creative action. What a great gift! And is it possible to think that the Providence of God will ignore the abuse of this great gift and that the justice of God will not befall the abusers? The action of this justice is not always obvious, not always soon, but for those who carefully observe the ways of God - undoubtedly. David had a strong will in the true God, zealously acted to spread it among the people; but even with such, one might say, merits before God, when he allowed himself to violate the law of matrimony, even after repentance he was subject to serious disasters, not only family, but also state.
St. Philaret (Drozdov), Met. Moscow(32, pp. 6–7)
The main goal of marriage is chastity, especially now that the whole universe has been filled with our kind. In the beginning, it was desirable to have children so that everyone could leave a memory and a remnant after their lives. When there was still no hope for the resurrection, but death reigned, and those who were dying thought that after this life they would perish, then God gave consolation in children, so that animated images of those who had departed would remain, so that our race would be preserved, and those who were dying and those close to them had the greatest consolation. in their descendants ... When, finally, the resurrection was at the door, and there is no fear of death, but we are moving towards another life better than the present, then care about that has become superfluous ... Therefore, in a certain way - one goal of marriage, so as not to commit fornication, and for this purpose such medicine has been introduced. But if you intend to indulge in fornication after marriage, then it was superfluous for you to enter into marriage, it is useless and in vain, and not only in vain and useless, but also harmful, because it is not the same thing to indulge in fornication without having a wife, or after marriage do the same again. The latter is no longer fornication, but adultery.
St. John Chrysostom (25, p. 6–7)
A husband must love his wife with the same love that Christ loved the Church, giving Himself for her in order to sanctify her.
St. Basil the Great (23, p. 175)
Although husbands should love their wives, they should not be captivated by their love and without reason should not please them. We see how harmful it is to please wives without reason. Adam, through the immeasurable love of his wife, was captivated and fell into grave sin, and destroyed himself and the human race (Gen. 3:17). Solomon the wise, captivated by the excessive love of women, fell into the sin of apostasy and idolatry (1 Kings 2:4 et seq.). Jezebel the wicked taught her husband Ahab, king of Jerusalem, to transgress. Herod the lawless was not afraid to innocently behead the great Forerunner for the sake of a woman's love. We read the same thing in church history. Such misfortunes and misfortunes still come from wives, when their husbands do not please them according to reason. A woman who is foolish and has no fear of her custom does not change, caresses and seduces her husband. Husband like wife head, should not be seduced by her caresses, and especially those who have power, so as not to perish themselves and not cause many misfortunes to others.
St. Tikhon Zadonsky (17, p. 9–10)
God blessed the marriage, first in Paradise and later in Cana. In marriage, two bodies become one flesh, two souls are "inseparable and unmingled." Two temples of the Holy Spirit under one roof. Why did God join two bodies together? Because "it's easier for two than for one." Because thanks to marriage, impure bodily lust is curbed, and through the expedient, the inexpedient is eliminated. Because through the multiplication of the human race, many are given the opportunity to be saved by Christ's sacrifice. Because the bodily marriage of husband and wife, bound by love and blessed by the Church, is an inexpressible symbol of the spiritual marriage of Christ with the Church and with every Christian soul. And among the first disciples of the Lord, the apostles and myrrh-bearers, there were many married and non-married.
St. Nicholas of Serbia (27, pp. 115–116)
From matrimony - temporary happiness and even eternal salvation. Therefore, it should not be approached with frivolity, but with fear and caution. God blesses a good marriage. Therefore: a) be pious, devoted to God, in Whom you trust, pray that He Himself send the other half, pleasing to Him and saving you; b) when seeking a marital union, do not assume bad intentions, or passionate bliss, or self-interest, or vanity; but the one that God has determined, mutual help in temporal life for the sake of eternal life, for the glory of God and the good of others; c) When you find it, accept it as a gift of God, with gratitude to God, as much with love, as much with reverence for this gift.
St. Theophan the Recluse (28, p. 648)
Bound by the bonds of matrimony, we replace each other's hands, hearing, and legs. Marriage makes the weak twice as strong, brings great joy to well-wishers and sorrow to ill-wishers. The common concerns of spouses ease their sorrows; and common joys are more delightful for both. For unanimous spouses, wealth becomes more pleasant; but in poverty the very unanimity is sweeter than wealth. For them, the marriage bond is the key to chastity and wishes, the seal of necessary affection. One lot of love (Prov. 5:18-19) warms the spirit with galloping; they have one drink from a domestic source, which strangers do not partake of, which does not flow anywhere and does not flow from anywhere.
St. Gregory the Theologian (24, p. 287)
Here is a true marriage, when such harmony reigns between the spouses, when there is such a close union between them, when they are mutually united by such love. Just as the body can never be at odds with itself, so a husband and wife should not disagree, but live in unity. From this, countless blessings can come to them. All blessings flock where there is such unanimity - there is peace, there is love, there is spiritual joy; there is no quarrel, no scolding, no enmity, no quarreling; all this disappears, because the root of all blessings, i.e., like-mindedness, destroys all this.
St. John Chrysostom (25, pp. 13–14)
Let nothing be more precious to a wife than her husband, and nothing more desirable to a husband than his wife. This is the strength of the life of all of us, that the wife should be of one mind with her husband: everything in the world is supported by this. Just as the whole building is overthrown in the shaking of the foundation, so also in marital strife, our whole life is destroyed. Look: the world is made up of cities, cities are made of houses, houses are made up of husbands and wives; therefore, when there is enmity between husbands and wives, war enters into the houses; and when they are in turmoil, then the cities are restless; when the cities are in turmoil, then, of necessity, the whole universe is filled with confusion, war and strife. Therefore, God especially provides for this; therefore He does not allow the rejection of a wife, except in the case of adultery. But what, you say, if she is quarrelsome, if she is careless and wasteful, if she has many other shortcomings? Endure everything courageously and do not reject her for these shortcomings, but correct the shortcomings. That is why you take the place of the head, so that you can heal the body. From our body, even if it has a thousand wounds, we do not cut off the head. So do not separate your wife from yourself, because the wife takes the place of the body with us. That is why the blessed Paul says: Thus should husbands love their wives as their bodies(Eph. 5:28). And for wives we have the same law: as you, wife, love your head and value it, so value your husband. It is not in vain that we talk so much about this subject. I know how many blessings come from when there is no contention between a wife and her husband; I know how many evils are caused when they quarrel among themselves. Then neither wealth, nor good fortune, nor many children, nor power and might, nor glory and honor, nor abundance, nor luxury, nor any other welfare can please a husband or wife if they are at odds with each other.
St. John Chrysostom (25, pp. 14–15)
When the choice [of the second half - S. M.] is over, a combination must occur, a spiritual and bodily fusion, mysterious from God. A natural union, out of love, is a wild, gloomy union. Here he is cleansed, sanctified, sobered up, at the prayer of the Church, by Divine grace. It is difficult for one to stand alone in a strong and saving union. The threads of nature are torn. Grace is irresistible. Arrogance is dangerous everywhere, especially here... Therefore, humbly, with fasting and prayer, approach the sacrament.
St. Theophan the Recluse (28, pp. 648–649)
Just as consecrated marriage symbolizes Christ's unity with the Holy Church and the spiritual marriage of Christ with the soul of every faithful Christian, so, on the other hand, adultery and fornication symbolize Satanism, betrayal of God's love, breaking the unity with God. And this is all by the will of Satan, who wants the Divine love in people to become futile, perverted. Pure heavenly love is unbearable for him, but bodily lust in every impurity is pleasant. “The works of darkness are fruitless” is the lure with which he lures people into hell (Eph. 5:11).
St. Nicholas of Serbia (27, pp. 120–121)
The purpose of marriage is to bring joy. It is understood that married life is the happiest, fullest, purest, richest life. This is the Lord's ordinance about perfection. The divine design, therefore, is that marriage should bring happiness, that it should make the life of both husband and wife more complete, so that neither loses, but both win. If, nevertheless, marriage does not become happiness and does not make life richer and fuller, then the fault is not in the marriage bonds themselves; guilt in the people who are connected by them.
After the conclusion of marriage, the first and most important duties of the husband in relation to his wife, and for the wife - in relation to her husband. The two of them must live for each other, give their lives for each other. Everyone was imperfect before. Marriage is the union of two halves into a single whole. Two lives are bound together in such a close union that they are no longer two lives, but one. Each bears a sacred responsibility for the happiness and the highest good of the other until the end of his life.
St. mts. Empress Alexandra Feodorovna (9, p. 8)
When approaching such an important sacrament as Marriage, one must prepare oneself, having cleansed oneself by confession and the communion of the Holy Mysteries and prayer, but not balls, and music, and dances, for this step extends not only to the whole of this life, but even to eternity.
Rev. Macarius of Optina (16, p. 93)
N. tells you that divorce between spouses is forbidden by the Lord Jesus Christ. We read the Lord's own words: But I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of fornication, gives her a reason to commit adultery (Matt. 5:32). From this one can see that divorce is not unconditionally forbidden by the Lord. If spouses are faithful to each other, then they should not divorce; otherwise, it is inconvenient to bind spouses. This rule is followed by the Holy Church.
Rev. Ambrose of Optina (21, p. 36)
The apostle obliges the wife to obey her husband in the way of obedience to the Church of Christ, so that this obedience is not of a bodily, but of a spiritual nature.
Rev. John of Damascus (30, p. 542)
Keeping family peace is a holy command of God. The husband must, according to the apostle Paul, love his wife as himself; and the apostle compared the wife with the Church (Eph. 5:25-33). That's how great marriage is!
Pray to God and His Most Pure Mother, may the Lord arrange your fate according to His holy will. If it is His holy will that you give your hand at the present time to the one who offers you marriage copulation, then every obstacle will be removed. You will completely submit your will to the will of God; meanwhile, one must find out about him: whether he is a true Christian of the Orthodox Church, whether he is of good morals and about his family. Do your parents agree to your marriage, and do you have your own full consent? Under such conditions and actions, may the Lord bless you to enter a new, family life, and what will happen in the future - no one knows.
Rev. Macarius of Optina (22, pp. 198–199)
Get married when you feel that you cannot live without him. I know a case like this: my husband was in the war, he was killed. The wife at the same hour dies at home. Then just come out.
Rev. Anatoly the Younger Optinsky (16, p. 403)
Marriage for a woman is a service to the Holy Trinity - that's how great a woman's fate is to be a wife and mother.
Happiness in married life is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church.
Rev. Nektarios of Optina (16, p. 417)
Time has ceased to eat other things, and those who have a wife, as if they will not have - wrote the apostle, forbidding unlawful cohabitation, but forbidding disorderly voluptuousness, and at the same time pointing to the near end of time. If, he says, life passes in a hurry, then it is not necessary to become addicted to it, as to a constant.
Rev. Isidore Pelusiot (17, p. 9)
If you did not have to choose a husband for yourself out of passion or carnal love, then you should thank God for this, because those who marry out of passion are most often unhappy in life.
Rev. Joseph Optinsky (16, p. 355)
Family hardships must be endured as a share voluntarily chosen by us. Hind thoughts here are more harmful than useful. It is only salvific that about yourself and about your will is holy.
Rev. Ambrose of Optina (16, p. 238)
If the wife must obey her husband in the same way as the Church obeys Christ, then the union between husband and wife must be holy, and they must never work for carnal passions.
Blzh. Hieronymus of Stridon (30, p. 542)
Imitate the Sovereign care and, which the Lord showed in the reasoning of the Church, you also have the same in the reasoning of those who live with you in marriage. For the Lord Christ did not deny even to die for His Bride, in order to purify her, making her glorious, to smooth out the traces of her former old age and to show her free from all vice. Therefore, we should also have the same love for our spouses and take care of them, as for our own body.
Blzh. Theodoret of Cyrus (30, p. 548)
Let husbands warm wives, and souls - bodies, so that wives are transformed into husbands and bodies into souls, and so that the difference between the sexes ceases. But like the angels bear male and female, so we, who have to be equal to the angels, from now on let us begin to be what we are promised to be in heaven.
Blzh. Hieronymus of Stridon (30, p. 554)
Since the conjugal law made them [spouses - S. M.] one flesh, the apostle rightly called the body of the wife belonging to the husband, and also the body of the husband - being under the power of the wife. But here the law was the first to pronounce the law to wives, because for the most part among wives, mainly before husbands, it is a custom to love abstinence.
Blzh. Theodoret of Cyrus (31, p. 319)
Just as Christ, being the head of the Church, provides for her and saves her, so the husband is the savior of his wife, his body. How can this body disobey the head that cares for it and saves it?
Blzh. Theophylact of Bulgaria (30, p. 540)
How to obey [wife to husband - S. M.] in everything? And then, as if to obey, when he deviates into unbelief and begins to persuade her to do the same? ... The apostle's word here is not about unfaithful, but about faithful men. Christ is the head of the Church - God is, gathers and leads His Church to eternal glory. She knows this and, without hesitation, obeys Him in everything that He pleases to do in her and with her in her internal structure and in her external fate. But about a person it is always appropriate to doubt, and therefore the restriction of this in everything. However, even in the speech of the apostle it is very strongly limited by the word like the Lord which also gives such an idea: in the purposes and in the forms of the Lord, as in the epistle to the Colossians it is said: As befits, O Lord(3:18); and still more by comparing the headship of the husband with the headship of the Lord, which comes from salvation. What kind of savior is a husband, if he saves the body only under the condition of the destruction of the soul?!
Blzh. Theophylact of Bulgaria (30, pp. 541–542)
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