How smart people treat people they don't like. How to look and act to appear smart They are not shy about learning from their mistakes

Imagine an ideal world. People in it treat each other with kindness, attention, generosity and love. Jokes are never flavored with a share of causticity and sarcasm. People are placed in a cheerful atmosphere where no one upsets, slanders or gossips.

Nevertheless, such an ideal world is a utopia. In real life, things look very different. The people around us drive us crazy, and we respond to them in return. We are used to dividing the environment into "white" and "black", "bad" and "good". Those who do not love us often annoy us: they plot, try to denigrate us, spread stupid gossip, and joke unsuccessfully. Secretly, people expect the object of their hatred to laugh and make fun of them behind their backs. Very soon the confrontation may become open.

Let us ask ourselves the question: is it possible to treat all people equally well? Or is it still unrealistic to learn to love each person? We turn to a professional psychologist for advice. Stanford University professor Robert Sutton is sure that such a scenario is impossible. The ideal world, where only true friends and nice people exist, is really utopian. However, smart people, in order to avoid conflict situations, behave with those they do not like in a certain way. We will learn about this further.

They recognize that everyone is different

Sometimes we are trapped in our own stereotypes. If a person judges things from his own bell tower, this does not mean that his opinion is the only correct one. We often consider ourselves good, and our antipodes are seen as pure evil. But if for a moment you go to the camp of the enemy and look at the situation through his eyes, the picture will look like a mirror image. Smart people are aware of these nuances and recognize that there is no good or bad. We're just all different. Differences in upbringing, in lifestyle, in worldview give rise to conflict situations.

Just because you don't like a person doesn't mean he's bad. You just have different views on things. If you can feel the difference, many conflicts can be ironed out.

Smart people seek profit in dealing with unpleasant personalities.

Conflict is always negative. Of course, you can constantly respond to your opponent's attacks on you, but it will be better if you grit your teeth and ignore his hard-hitting joke. Psychologists of the old school advise avoiding a negative environment so as not to absorb negative energy. However, in terms of performance, your "enemies" can be quite useful. Often, those who challenge us are unwittingly propelling us to success. Just remember that you are not perfect and be tolerant of others.

They treat people kindly

By being polite to your enemy, you can partly deflect your message in the opposite direction. If you are rude to him, he will most likely return the same to you. Therefore, remain neutral and impartial. Learn from diplomats who negotiate with impenetrable faces. This requires polite manners and courtesy. Thus, you will not stoop to the level of internecine troubles.

No situation should take them by surprise

It is not uncommon for a person to have unrealistic expectations about other people. Of course, you can expect your opponent to act in a given situation in exactly the same way as you usually do. However, in reality this does not happen. If you begin to expect other actions that are characteristic of you, you will be deeply disappointed. Instead, set your expectations to a different range. Thus, you will be psychologically prepared for any turn of events, and the behavior of the enemy will never take you by surprise. Smart people do just that. It is unlikely that something will unsettle them.

They focus on themselves

Even if you try to treat the enemy in a neutral way, he can still annoy you. One gets the feeling that he has penetrated deep under your skin and exudes poison. In this case, it is important to learn how to process unpleasant emotions and disappointment. Instead of focusing on the annoyance itself, focus on the nature of the feeling. Why do you react the way you do? Sometimes what we don't like in others, we don't like in ourselves. These point triggers can be disarmed after you change your own reaction. Remember that it is much easier to change your perception of what is happening than to try to open the eyes of another person to his behavior.

Pause and deep breath

Some features of individual personalities will always be annoying. A colleague was once again late for work, missed the deadline for submitting a report, and a neighbor each time makes obscene jokes in your presence. The first time it happens, you endure. Be patient even when it happens for the third time. But when an unpleasant moment repeats itself with enviable regularity, you are ready to explode. Take a look at the mechanism of irritation from the inside. Where is the lever that activates it?

Thus, returning home, you will be ready to meet your neighbor and let the next obscenity pass by. You already know when this event is coming up, so take a moment and take control of your own adrenaline. Focus not on emotions, call on the mind to help. There is another technique: take a deep breath and take a big step back. This can calm you down and protect you from overreacting.

They voice their own needs

If people are used to constantly interrupting you, point it out to them without descending to the level of complaints. Let them know that their communication style is inappropriate for you. Avoid accusatory words and phrases. Instead, focus on their action and your feelings. It can be phrased like this: "When you interrupt me in a dialogue, I feel that you do not appreciate our cooperation." Take a break and wait for a reaction.

Sometimes the situation is resolved instantly. So, it may turn out that the interlocutor simply does not always understand where the moment comes when you have finished your statement. Sometimes people stop talking excitedly the moment they have a “brilliant idea” and they are just afraid to forget about it.

Smart people create additional space between themselves and the enemy

In order to prevent negativity from invading consciousness, smart people deliberately create additional space between themselves and an unpleasant person. Let go of the situation and go your own way. In working conditions, it is impossible to reduce communication with an enemy to nothing. However, you can move to another office, and sit away from the unpleasant person at the conference. The resulting distance will give you equanimity, and from afar you will be able to interact with this person as if there is no enmity between you.

Conclusion

It would be much easier if there were no enemies at all in our life or we could always communicate only with nice people. We know that life works differently, so we need to do some work on ourselves.

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To determine how smart a person is, it is not necessary to test him for IQ. It is enough just to observe how he behaves.

We are in website We have selected for you 10 signs of a smart person, thanks to which you can immediately figure out the interlocutor. Also suitable for introspection.

1. You feel when you are being lied to.

You feel when they are trying to deceive you and rarely fall for it. In addition, you subtly capture the intentions, motivations and desires of other people - these are all signs of a developed emotional intelligence.

2. You are self-sufficient

Of course you love your soul mate. But do not get hung up on it, because you have something and whom to be interested in: work, loved ones, hobbies. And even if the creation of a couple is only in the plans so far, you consider yourself accomplished right now, regardless of the relationship.

3. Your home is messy

Everything in your apartment is not always perfectly clean. Moreover, perhaps there is often a mess. After all, you, as the owner, have more important and urgent things to do than cleaning.

4. You don't fool yourself.

And first of all - in relation to yourself. Lying takes a lot of energy, and the consequences will still have to be dealt with by someone. You will not engage in self-deception, which means you will not suffer from its consequences.

5. You know how to restrain emotions where necessary.

As a person with an extraordinary mind, you will not suppress and hide sincere feelings. But you will not become a professional sufferer, you will not savor losses and resentments. Feel - let go - move on.

6. You plan your day and always draw conclusions.

In matters that are important to you, you prefer real and honest plans to dreams. Analyze the situation and clearly calculate the options.

In an ideal universe, all those with whom we come into contact would be nice, kind, empathetic, insightful, and generous people. They will laugh at our jokes, and we at theirs. Our life will flow in complete harmony with the surrounding world, in which no one will be angry and slander others. But, as you have already understood, the world in which our lives pass is far from ideal.

Some personalities drive us just white-hot, in turn, we ourselves can drive others crazy. We do not like those who are cruel to others, spread rumors, poke their nose into our affairs, or simply do not understand our jokes, but expect us to appreciate their jokes.

Most likely, you had to think about whether it is possible to maintain objectivity in relation to people who annoy you all the time, and to those with whom you sat down at the same table, and how to learn to maintain a friendly attitude towards everyone you meet. on the path of life.

According to Robert Sutton (Professor at Stanford University), even in an ideal universe, it is impossible to create a group that would include only those people whom you would like to invite to your barbecue. For this reason, smart people often have to contact people who are not particularly pleasant to them.

And here's how they do it:

1. They realize they may not be to everyone's liking.
We often find ourselves in the trap of believing that we are practically flawless and should be liked by everyone we meet. But you won't be able to avoid tough people who will criticize everything you do. Smart people understand this. They also realize that differences in value systems are the cause of conflict situations.

Most likely, the person you do not like is not bad at all. And the reason for your irritation is that you have different life values with him, which creates a misunderstanding. But having understood that not everyone likes you and not everyone likes you because of the difference in value systems, you will be able to assess the situation without emotions. This will allow you to find a common language.

2. They tolerate rather than ignore those they don't like.
Naturally, you can turn a blind eye to a person's regular criticisms, to his flat witticisms and his annoying company, but there is nothing worse in the world than the endless suppression of your irritation. It is clear that an excessive desire to impose one's society leads to an even worse result than if a person did not make such attempts.

But still, a person next to you who has a point of view different from yours is very helpful. These are people who allow us to stand firmly on the ground and not do stupid things. Of course, it is difficult, but they must be endured.

Often they behave defiantly towards us, but it is these people who allow us to expand our worldview. Do not forget that you are not perfect either, but in the meantime, people tolerate you.

3. They are polite to those they don't like.
No matter how you feel about someone, that person will be primarily repelled by your treatment of him and will treat you in exactly the same way. If you allow rudeness in his direction, then he will probably say rudeness to you in response. Remember, if you act respectfully, others will be patient with you as well.

The ability to control your feelings is a very important skill. You must be able to demonstrate at the right time that you highly appreciate his professional qualities and respect him as a person. This will allow you to quickly extinguish conflict situations.

4. They always know what to expect.
People often set too high standards for others. That is, we expect that, under certain circumstances, others will do exactly the same things that we ourselves would do, or say what we ourselves could say. That is what we want to hear. But this is impossible.

Each person has his own character traits, on which their actions and words depend. Expecting the same actions from others means almost 100% disappointment.

If a person causes you the same negative emotions over and over again, then you better reconfigure your expectations. Smart people do this all the time. Therefore, for them, the actions of an unsympathetic person never come as a surprise to them.

5. They focus primarily on themselves.
You and only you can fully understand yourself. You need to be able to control your emotions when you are in contact with a person who annoys you. Instead of obsessing over your feelings of annoyance, try to understand why you are having this reaction.

Often we do not love in others what we do not love in ourselves. Other than that, these people didn't put that button inside you, they just pushed it.

Analyze the motives of your behavior, and then you can control your reaction and even change it. Don't forget: it's easier to change yourself than other people.

6. They stop to take a deep breath.
There are certain things that annoy you all the time. We can talk about an employee who constantly misses deadlines, or a person who jokes flatly. Try to identify what annoys you and who is pushing your buttons so you can be prepared for it.

If you are willing to stop and lower your adrenaline levels and then “turn on your head”, you will be able to negotiate and argue your ideas. By taking a deep breath and stepping back a little, you can get yourself up and running with a cool mind.

7. They express their wishes.
If certain people hurt you all the time, tell them in a restrained tone that their attitude is unacceptable. But just don’t use accusatory phrases for this - it’s better to use the following construction: “When you ..., it seems to me ...”.

For example: "When you are distracted during my speech at a meeting, it seems to me that you do not appreciate my work." Then pause to wait for a response. Maybe this person just misunderstood and thought that you had already finished your presentation.

8. They create distance.
If all the methods used have not yielded results, smart people leave a certain distance between themselves and what annoys them. Apologize and continue on your way. If this is all happening in an office, move to another room or take a seat at the opposite end of the conference table.

Being at a certain distance and having a perspective, you will be able to communicate only with those people who are attractive to you and not worry about relationships with those who annoy you.

Naturally, the situation would be much simpler if you could forever exclude people who are unsympathetic to you from your life. But, unfortunately, life is much more complicated.

You will never get a second chance to make a first impression! To look smart, choose clean, fitted clothes, and practice good hygiene and good posture. To be smart, build a knowledge base, only comment on topics you know well, and ask intelligent questions that demonstrate your desire to learn new things. If you look and act like a smart person, you will leave people with a positive impression of yourself and possibly open up opportunities both socially and professionally.

Steps

Appearance

Wear clean, fitted clothes to make a good first impression. Walking around in baggy, torn or soiled clothes may inadvertently be perceived as sloppy and unprofessional. Even though looks have nothing to do with inner intelligence, people make a lot of hasty judgments about each other, so it's best to make a good first impression on them. Choose shirts, trousers, or dresses that fit well and are neither too tight nor too loose.

Wear dress shirts from time to time instead of plain t-shirts.

Do not wear sweatpants or training equipment in public. Of course, you can wear T-shirts and sweatpants if you are playing sports or relaxing on the couch. But when you go out in public, wear jeans, a skirt, or trousers for an extra boost of self-confidence. This will not only make you look more professional, but will also make you feel better: more prepared, alert, and eager to give your all.
- If you're going to be exercising in the evening, put your workout clothes in a bag and carry it with you so you can change later. This way you will still look professional throughout the day.
Wear glasses to look smarter. The notion that people who wear glasses are smart is completely unfounded, but it's such a popular image in movies, books, and television that many people (since you're wearing glasses) will automatically think you're a smart person. If you must wear contact lenses, use glasses instead and it may improve your image.
- If you want to wear glasses but have good eyesight, you can purchase "image glasses" with plain lenses without diopters.
Get a nice pair of shoes to complete your look. It doesn't have to be expensive or high-heeled, but having clean, scuff-free shoes can go a long way towards your intellectual image. Try wearing something better than sneakers to enhance your look.
- Try Chelsea boots or suede slippers.
- Don't wear running shoes when you're not playing sports.
Maintain personal hygiene to radiate freshness and cleanliness. Shower and shave regularly and always wear deodorant. Brush your teeth and use dental floss. You don't have to have elaborate hair or makeup to look smart, but you do need to take care of your body, smell good, and be clean.
- If you don't have time to wash your hair on a certain day, braid it to keep your hair from looking greasy.
Watch your posture. Try to stand straight with your shoulders straight and your back straight. If you have to spend a lot of time sitting, you can still improve your posture by sitting with your back slightly arched and looking at a computer monitor at eye level. Good posture makes you look smarter because it gives you a confident and professional look.

Maintain eye contact when speaking and listening. By making eye contact in a conversation, you will appear confident, relaxed, and engaged in the discussion. If you find it awkward to look people in the eye, try looking at the interlocutor's eyebrows first and gradually move on to the eyes.

Behavior
1. - Don't change the subject to brag. Better switch to a topic that you are comfortable discussing. For example: “Oh, this reminds me of a conversation with my grandfather. He had such an interesting life. He...".
2. Ask smart questions. Even if the conversation is about a subject in which you are poorly versed, you can still look smart. No one knows everything in the world, but smart people are good at asking smart questions that turn small talk into deeper conversation.
  - For example, if a person is describing their experience, you might ask, "Do you think that experience has changed the way you interact with people today?" - or, if the interlocutor is describing a book he has read, you can ask: "What impressed you the most about the book?"
3. Read books on the way to somewhere and before going to bed. It may seem like something banal, but it really will make you stand out from the crowd. Many people think that they don't have time to read, but in reality it doesn't take many hours to do so. Put a book in your backpack or purse and take it out whenever you normally start on your phone: in line, on the bus, on the train, while waiting for a friend. Choose a genre that you really like so that reading is not perceived as a duty.
  - Reading books in public will not only make you look smart, but it will actually expand your knowledge by opening up new worlds, words, and ideas for you.
  - Try to read before bed instead of watching TV. This will better prepare the brain for sleep than watching bright lights and moving pictures. Just don't read anything too sad or scary right before bed!
4. Follow the news for interesting conversations. It is not necessary to read the newspaper from the first to the last page every day to stay up to date. Most likely, it will be enough to skim the headlines on the phone in the morning to start an intellectual conversation. You can say, "Have you heard about..." and then let the other person dominate the conversation.
  - In addition, it is not necessary to follow all the news in all areas. Choose a topic that interests you and follow it.
  - Many news outlets make podcasts with news summaries so you don't have to read them if you don't have time. For example, you can listen to podcasts from RIA Novosti.
5. Write cospectives and do your homework to look smart in class. To succeed in your studies, you always need to be prepared. In fact, there are no people who are smarter than others by nature. Mostly it's all about preparation. Read and write cospecta during the teacher's speech.

How to distinguish a smart person from a stupid one? Enough . Is this enough for the title of a man at least not stupid? Science says no, and offers as many as 9 ways of varying degrees of specificity that automatically reveal a genius. Alas, not everything depends on you, but if you meet at least 8 out of 9, then you can safely take the fate of the world into your own hands.

1. Learn from your mistakes

Smart people immediately realize that they made a mistake. But instead of shifting responsibility for it to others or pretending that everything is fine, they learn from it so that they do not repeat it in the future. A study by researchers at the University of Michigan found that people who learn from failure are able to absorb new information and perceive life experience much more effectively.

2. You know how to argue with dignity

People who can argue without offending their opponent or ignoring other points of view are just saints. From a human point of view, they are much more perfect, and in themselves much smarter. This behavior shows an intelligent interlocutor that you respect him, even despite the disagreements. This, of course, is always flattering. And if you have to argue with a fool, then he considers himself a winner. And thank God, otherwise he would have behaved like a dove playing chess: he threw a tantrum and provoked a conflict.

3. Unsure of your genius

People whose intelligence is above average do not consider themselves especially smart, unlike shaped nerds who think they are geniuses. The phenomenon is known as the "Dunning-Kruger effect": the more stupid a person is, the higher he evaluates his abilities.

4. Like humor

Research from the University of Vienna shows that people with a sense of humor tend to outperform their dull counterparts in verbal and non-verbal intelligence. The researchers selected 159 adults and had them watch cartoons all evening. They then measured their sense of humor using standard analytical and psychological tests. The researchers write: "These results support the hypothesis that humor processing is associated with cognitive and affective components and suggest that these variables influence the performance of frame shifting and conceptual blending during humor processing." In simple terms, the ability to assimilate and find things funny is evidence of a clear gray mass in the head.

5. Likes to be alone

Researchers at Singapore Management University analyzed data from a large experiment involving 15,000 people aged 18 to 28. People were given IQ tests and found that the result strongly depends on the place of residence and the frequency of communication with friends and other associates. It turned out that people who showed brilliant results prefer to communicate less with people and spend more time alone. What’s more, according to research, socialization doesn’t make them happier. The more endless human flow around them, the less joy. This does not give the right to call all introverts geniuses, God forbid! It just makes it clear that a smart person needs to be alone from time to time.

6. Physically lazy

Found an excuse for your laziness. It is physical laziness. Because many call it one of the deep thinker syndromes. Why go somewhere if you can sit at home, in comfort and warmth, and think about the eternal and lofty. University of Florida staff confirmed the hunch with a study that assessed 60 volunteers with tests, dividing them into "thinkers" and "non-thinkers." They then tracked their physical activity for a week and found that non-thinkers tended to be much more active than thinkers. Simply put, smart people are much more meaningful and will always find where to spend the energy of their thought streams. Not smart enough people start to get bored, they need some kind of activity. This does not mean that all smart people stick to the chair - sometimes they also want to stretch, but for the most part they understand that this is not so important.

7. Disbelief in God

We want to note that this is not our statement, but a certain Miron Zuckerman from the University of Rochester and more. That is, more than one generation fell under the close scrutiny of science, and everywhere the same indicators: a negative relationship between intelligence and religiosity. 53 out of 63 studies even found the same reason: Smart people are more likely to get what they want and don't need God's help to do it. Research began in 1921 and, in fact, continues to this day. Was interrogated both old and young; both gifted and not so gifted. But the results, as one, say that the fierce believers do not have a big mind.

8. Don't post idiotic social media quotes.

In social networks, we have repeatedly come across thoughtful quotes in the style of “Stars cannot shine without darkness”, mischievous and arrogant - “Of course, I am not a gift, but it’s not a holiday every day” and. What are they talking about? The fact that the owner of the page with intellect is in complete trouble. Of course, this scourge occurs all over the world, so researchers from the University of Waterloo in Ontario asked 845 volunteers to rate the depth of such statements. They chose smarter people in order to get at least a little closer to objectivity. As a result, most of these "quotes" were found to be meaningless. What is characteristic: those who reposted thought differently. But it was only necessary to study their IQ and just talk for everything to fall into place: their heads are not disfigured by the mind. In addition, these citizens firmly believed in conspiracy theories. Green men, Freemasons, evil Zionists and saber-toothed zhidoreptiloidy - for them it is the cause of everyday fear.

9. The first child in his family

It seems nonsense, but, as a rule, whoever was born first in the family is smarter. Differences in IQ are observed already at an early age. I do not want to offend all the younger brothers. To make this statement, we were guided not by Russian folk tales, where the elder is always the "smart kid", but by research from the University of Edinburgh. All children were found to receive the same level of emotional support from their parents, but first-borns placed more emphasis on tasks that developed thinking skills. The researchers say the findings could help explain the so-called "birth order effect," in which children who are born first receive better wages and education. The researchers followed 5,000 children from birth to age 14, testing them every two years. What does it say? The fact that the parents are to blame, because there is no system.

However, there are plenty of examples when the youngest in the family pull on themselves both parents and unlucky brothers and sisters who are much sharper with their tongues, but all their attempts to earn money ended in drinking bouts and visiting places not so remote.