Christmas Eve in a Polish family. How to take a family with children to Poland under the reunification program? How to move to Poland with your family - step by step

Photo Legion-Media.ru

Early childhood

Poles always sincerely rejoice at the birth of a child. Even a poor woman who will never refuse him. Not only grandparents, but also uncles and aunts, and other relatives participate in the upbringing of the child. From the moment the baby arrives in the family, the holidays begin. First, the father must celebrate the birth of the baby with his friends, then, when the baby grows up a little, christening is arranged - a big family celebration where all relatives gather.

Preschool education for the child is chosen by the parents themselves. They can raise him at home on their own, or give him to the garden for a full, or maybe a shortened day. But at the age of 6, all children are required to complete a "zero course" of education - preschool training in a kindergarten or group preschool education. They go to school already knowing how to read and write.

Studies

There are many pedagogical systems in Poland, and each parent can get acquainted with the methods of work of teachers in different schools. Classes in primary school in little Poles it lasts 6 years. There, children not only master various sciences, but also. Then, for 3 years, schoolchildren go to the gymnasium, after which they have to pass difficult final exams. Their grades influence where the Polish teenager will continue his education after the gymnasium: to college, lyceum or vocational school.

From the lyceum, you can go to a higher educational institution without exams. The rest of the applicants will have to worry again: the first stage of the exams is taken by "their" teachers, the second - by unfamiliar teachers from other schools.

What can be adopted. Polish education is considered one of the best in Europe. One of its main achievements is the ability to choose from a large number of options for educational programs. It is also very important that children are taught communication skills from an early age. They are explained why people quarrel, and how it is possible.

Relationships with adults

Children are always brought up with respect for their father, who is considered the main earner and head of the family, even if the wife earns much more. In any family and always obey them. Not so long ago, Poland passed a law "On Combating Domestic Violence", which prohibits corporal punishment and infliction of mental suffering on a child.

Despite the fact that many parents said that they could not imagine education without spanking, the law is strictly enforced. Otherwise, law enforcement officials have the right to take the child away from the family. However, in most Polish families there is no aggression, all relatives take care of the child. Even decisions such as , or choice kindergarten are taken at a large family council.

What can be adopted. Try not to humiliate your spouse. If the kid constantly hears that his dad is bad, then he will have a certain idea about men and their role in the family, which can interfere with him in later life.

Because the patriots

The fact that Poland is the best place in the world, children hear all the time. Despite the fact that the Poles sometimes like to scold some features of the national life, they love their country sincerely, are proud of their language and culture, and pass this patriotism on to their children. Each family keeps family relics, portraits of ancestors. Parents willingly tell their kids about their great-great-grandfathers and great-great-grandmothers, and other relatives are happy to complete the story by listening to Polish music and eating traditional Polish dishes - Poles are also very proud of their cuisine.

What can be adopted. To teach children to separate the actions of politicians from. Tell them that not all the actions of compatriots can be proud of, and that is why you need to behave with dignity so that others respect the representatives of your nationality.

Family planning has always been very important point, as you need to rely on your financial capabilities for raising children. After all, the child must first be sent to school, given a good higher education, and then supported in every possible way.

It is very difficult to plan a family and children in Poland, because in this country abortion is prohibited by law and spouses have to be very careful not to surround themselves with a bunch of crying babies who need to be educated, fed and raised. It is not necessary to rely on the state, because all assistance from it ends with only one child benefit.

Due to the ban on abortion, Polish families are quite numerous, but many young people are now thinking that they should try and stop after the birth of one or two children. Whether it will be possible or not, the birth rate in Poland is very high and is increasing every year more and more.

However, the number of children born out of wedlock is also increasing. The Poles are always happy about the birth of a child, as it was not difficult to educate and raise him to his feet.

A mother will never abandon her child. True, an unforeseen situation can always happen and a child left without parents ends up in Orphanage. Orphanages in Poland look like ordinary homes where children are surrounded kind people, love and respect, the rooms are full of toys, things and children always get the best quality and best food.

The state of Poland is directing its attention to orphanages and is trying to increase the number of children accepted by Polish families from these orphanages, doing everything to ensure that each child has his own family. An adopted child is under increased control, constant monitoring of how he lives with his adoptive parents is carried out.

Numerous Polish families usually get together for all the big holidays, which include Christmas, Easter and of course all anniversaries and birthdays of the household. In a Polish family, a man is considered the main earner, and the head of the family, regardless of the fact that the wife can work in a more prestigious job and receive much more than her husband.

In the family, the husband performs purely masculine functions, what a strong man is obliged to do. Everything that concerns the household remains in the care of the woman. However, both spouses are engaged in raising the child, although here the spouse may limit his functions: he can take a walk with the child, read a book to him, play with him, and even bathe him with pleasure. However, only a woman should feed and clothe a child. The man never touches this.

It should be noted that, despite her workload, a Polish woman is able to look beautiful at any time, she is always well-groomed and beautiful, no matter what she does. In the house of a Polish woman there will always be order, nowhere is it even possible to see slightest sign dust, there will never be men's shirts with torn off buttons or holey socks in the closet.

Parents in Poland are always ready to help their children, take their grandchildren to their homes for a while, and help with the housework. In general, you can always rely on grandparents. Also, in addition, in Poland it is customary to consult with parents on all serious issues. Choosing a name for a child cannot do without the participation of grandparents.

This is where the most interesting action begins, because the choice of name always takes into account family traditions, church name designations and also, there are a number of state restrictions on names. By law, the name of the child must fully reflect his gender, you can not give names that cannot accurately determine the male or female gender.

The name of the child is usually given at the time of baptism, and it can consist of two parts, which are chosen according to Slavic traditions and from Christian names, which are chosen based on the time of the birth of the child or the day of his baptism. The choice of two names is due to the fact that, according to tradition, the child is given a Slavic name, but at baptism, the priest may ask the parents to give the baby also a Christian name, so both names are chosen in advance.

Previously, in Poland, children could be given three or even four names, but now the law prohibits having more than two names. The name for the child can also be chosen based on fashion, for example, the baby can be given the name of the hero of Poland, famous people or even the hero of a sensational film.

With regards to surnames, they, as usual, pass through the male line, and the wife takes her husband's surname after the wedding. However, this is not mandatory, the wife can keep her maiden name or simply add the husband's surname to her surname, although in this case the children will have the husband's surname.

The husband, in turn, may also add the surname of his wife to his surname. However, the surname should not consist of more than two parts, otherwise the woman or man will have to give up any additional surname.

Choosing a name by joint efforts is an ancient tradition of the Polish people. Throughout the history of Poland, the whole family gathered for this, and the choice of a name for a baby was taken very seriously. As the saying goes: whatever you call a ship, so it will sail.

In addition to choosing a name, almost all families keep the memory of their ancestors, and almost every Pole can say with confidence that he knows everything about his family. Polish families keep family heirlooms, various photographs or portraits of their ancestors, families always gather for Christmas and Easter celebrations with the whole family, even if now all family members live in different cities. All Polish relatives, without exception, come to such holidays.

In addition, Polish families organize music evenings, which are also traditional, and all relatives also gather for such evenings. For such evenings, a dinner is prepared, consisting of traditional Polish dishes that do not change from year to year.

Patrick Kingsley

Marcin and Silvia Banjak with their daughters Amelia and Olga outside their home in Nowa Huta, Krakow. Photographer: David Lieven

“Exactly - here” - with one hand Marcin holds his four-year-old daughter, and with the other he points to an empty flower bed. I don't understand what I should be looking at. Only stumps stick out of the mud - cut branches of rose bushes. Marcin senses my confusion and tries again. He turns around and points to another barren piece of land. "Maybe it's here," he says.

Whatever "it" was, it is no longer there. And, as Marcin finally explains, with good reason. We are standing in the street near his house in Nowa Huta, a suburb of Krakow, and somewhere here, or perhaps there, once stood a huge statue of Lenin.

The past few years have been an era of change for both the city and the Banyaks. Nowa Huta, or "New Iron and Steel Works", was built from scratch in 1949 by the new communist government. Here were supposed to live 30,000 workers of the factory, which gave the city its name; for decades now Nowa Huta, a city of huge gray tenements and wide roads, was considered a symbol of socialist urban planning, a challenge to nearby religious, academic Krakow. The metallurgical plant itself was named after Lenin. The central square, when viewed from above, was laid out in the shape of a Soviet star. And for some time there was not a single church here.

It is amusing for Marcin to remember all this, especially since Poland is now considered a successful capitalist country. The old administrative buildings of the plant now house two banks - Polski and Deutsche. The value of the apartment he and his wife Silvia bought six years ago for around PLN 100,000 (£22,000) has tripled. Poland was the only country in Europe to avoid recession during the global financial crisis. That statue of Lenin was dismantled and sent to Sweden, where it is now on display in a kitsch theme park; and the central square was renamed in honor of Ronald Reagan. The metallurgical plant, the number of its workers was reduced to 2000, was privatized in 2003. And now there are churches. "There are more churches than schools," Marcin jokes.

The Banyaks moved here six years ago. The family then consisted of Sylvia, now 34, a clerk in the local council, and Marcin, 33, a budding music critic. Amelia was born two years later, then Olga. Sylvia has taken a long leave of absence to care for her children, but she is already planning to return to work this winter. Marcin, before he lost his job in 2008, hosted a program on Radio Krakow. Now he works in the public relations department of a Polish publishing house.

The Banyaks agreed that I should stay with them for four days in mid-March to get a little taste of life in the suburbs. But it wasn't until Saturday that I visited them that I realized how generous this gesture of hospitality was. There was barely room for four of them, and then there was an unknown guest.

Banyakov's apartment - less than 50 sq. m., and consists of four small rooms - a kitchen, a nursery for children, a bathroom and a living room. Technically, they don't have a bedroom. At night they turn the two sofas into beds and during my stay, they all slept in the nursery. I was surprised, but Marcin said that such an environment is quite common for families living in apartments. Some of their neighbors manage only 30 square meters, Polish housing is, on average, one of the smallest in Europe. Many families use sofa beds and, like the Banyaks, their bathrooms don't always fit a bathtub.

"My dream is to live in my own house," says Marcin. He always lived in apartments, even in Włoszczowa, the small rural town where he and Sylvia grew up. But soon, perhaps, his dream will come true. A few miles from Krakow, on the edge of a forest, stands a small gray unfinished house. If everything goes well, then by the end of the year Bonyaki will live in it. They bought the land four years ago for PLN 80,000 (about £17,000). At the time, they only considered their purchase as an investment; they would resell the land intact after its value had doubled. But apartment prices in Nowa Huta have skyrocketed, PLN 300,000 for just 60 sq. m. and they realized that building their own two-story house would not be much more expensive.

It was hard work and a big financial risk. "We don't go on vacation," says Marcin, "We don't buy a car." Their parents gave them some money, and the family does most of the work themselves.

Family in the living room. Photograph: David Lieven

During my short stay, Sylvia cooked up a host of Polish delicacies that would silence anyone with any doubts about Central European cuisine: pierogi (dumplings), twarog (soft, sweet cheese dish), barszcz (borscht, sometimes with rye [ so in the text. translator's note,perevodika.ru] and sausages), placki ziemniaczane (potato pancakes), smalec (lard - pork lard), gyros (layered Greek salad), and rosot (chicken soup, a traditional Sunday dish). But Sylvia prefers not to be photographed in the kitchen. She doesn't want to be seen as a typical Polish housewife. She hopes to return to work. But most Polish women don't have the choice problem Banyakov has: many employers find plenty of excuses for not having new mothers on their staff. Sylvia, in this regard, is doing well, she works for the local council, but in private firms the situation is more discriminatory. "I know women who are afraid to have children because they might lose their jobs," Marcin says. One friend, a pharmacist, was fired after having a baby because her boss thought she would be too tired to do a good job. There are virtually no child benefits in Poland. The state gives families a one-time allowance of 1,000 złoty (£220) at birth, and the Krakow authorities add more for their residents. But there are no fixed payments.

So Bonyaki count every penny. They almost never go out to eat - most restaurants are too expensive, and prices skyrocket in the supermarket. Amelia, Marcin and I go shopping at the local Lidl ( supermarket chain with discounts. translator's note,perevodika.ru), which the family visits about three times a week. They spend about a third of their family income on food, and Marcin is a little worried because, he says, the prices of some products have doubled in the last month. He takes a bag of sugar which costs 5 złoty (£1.10). A month ago, it cost just over 3 złoty (65 pence); now, in some places, it costs more than 7 (£1.50). Poland avoided recession mainly because the nascent middle class continued to buy. But Marcin wonders how long, with rising prices, this will continue. "I'm worried that there will be strikes because if prices continue to rise, it will be very difficult for most people."

Marcin works for Wydawnictwo Literackie, an intellectual publishing house associated with such Polish literary giants as Czesław Miloš, Ryszard Kapuszczynski and Witold Gombrowicz. Marcin enjoys it - "We support Polish literature, and that's why I like working there", but working in a publishing house is not his first job. He was a freelance music critic and journalist for several years before landing a full-time job with Radio Krakow in 2006, where he had his own program. But he was squeezed out of there as a result of political combinations. The new centrist government of Prime Minister Donald Tusk had already been elected, but the right-wing Law and Justice Party still controlled state media. And then Tusk made a populist gesture - he reduced the Polish equivalent of a television license, Marcin says that Law and Justice tried to draw attention to the financial side of this measure by firing local television and radio journalists. Marcin was one of the victims.

He now earns PLN 4,400 a month (approximately £960) from his public relations job. More than PLN 300 goes to taxes, about PLN 600 to their pension and PLN 300 to health insurance, leaving PLN 3,000 (£650) for other family expenses. One third of this goes to food, one fifth goes to gas and water, most of the rest goes to new house. Amelia's kindergarten fees used to be around PLN 300, but recently the government has started to subsidize almost the entire amount. But be that as it may, the Banyaks are worried about government plans. Currently, Poles pay most of their pension contributions to the state fund and the remaining 7% to private funds. People are suspicious of the plan to transfer even more to the state fund. "Many people are worried that their pension will be lower," Marcin says. "They suspect it's because of the public debt."

At home, Amelia and Olga are building something out of Playmobil. Weekends revolve around the kids, although both Sylvia and Marcin love to read. The bookshelves in the living room are crammed with Polish translations by JM Coetzee, John Banville, Doris Lessing, David Mitchell and Cormac McCarthy, as well as books by some of Marcin's clients: Ignacy Karpowicz and Jacek Dukaj. The family's CD collection is large and varied, with an old complete Radiohead catalog taking pride of place, and a poster of a smiling Thom Yorke hanging in the nursery.

After 1989, Nowa Huta "was considered a slum," Marcin says, and when the Banyaks moved in, their apartment looked abandoned. Today, the house still has graffiti on the walls, but the place is now more habitable. The walls have been repainted and the teenage girls who used to cluster in the stairwells are gone. Some of them were born, Marcin says. "Poland has a lot of religious education, but no sex education."

Marcin Baniak with Amelia at mass in the wooden church of St. Bartholomew,grave,Krakow.Photographer David Lieven

Catholicism is an exciting issue for the Banyaks and more and more for Poland. During communism, the church was a gathering place for dissidents. The sermons of the priests were often implicitly critical of the regime. About 95% of Poles still identify as Catholics, but Marcin says the number is declining, especially among young people. They don't like the way the church is involved in politics or that it runs a reactionary radio station, Radio Maria. Or how she campaigns against condoms and artificial insemination. But it is clear that the church is still very popular. On Sunday morning, Marcin takes Amelia and me to a children's mass at the church where the Baniaks used to get married, a beautiful wooden church in nearby Mogila. When we got there, the parishioners were coming out of the far doors of the building.

A crucifix hangs in their living room, Sylvia is religious, and Marcin does not quite know if he believes. He doesn't even want to talk about it, for fear of hurting her. "The Church helped us survive during the days of communism," he says diplomatically. But, "now it's a different country," he dares to object. He still takes his children to Mass very often and feels "a lot of social pressure" to do so. "If parents don't want their kids to go to church classes, they're considered a little weird."

Poles returning from Britain and Ireland, he says, bring home "a different attitude to the world, more secular in perspective." Marchin never considered leaving, in part because working abroad, while well-paid, is not as attractive to him. He has best friend there are two degrees, but when he moved to the US, he could only find a job as a roofer. And while emigration has helped temporarily reduce unemployment, Marcin says, there are hidden social costs. Emigration creates incomplete families: "Many children do not know their father or mother."

On Monday morning Olga was so ill that Marcin and Silvia had to take her to the doctor. Health care in Poland is basically free. "But that's not true," Marcin says. There are long queues, even for urgent consultations. Sylvia recently had a very bad earache, but she was told that she would have to wait a whole month. Luckily, a friend who works at the hospital helped them get an appointment with the government doctor, as they were already on the verge of spending money on private care.

In general, however, the Banyaks are optimistic about Poland. Historian Adam Zamoyski, who wrote Poland: A History (2009), describes the country that suffered terribly during World War II as "one that has survived many difficult trials and is now recovering." During these two years, Marcin may have been worried about the economic situation in Poland, but today he sees the outlook as optimistic. "These are perhaps the most successful years of our history," he says. "Independence, NATO, the EU, and now maybe the euro. It's inspiring."

When Marcin first spoke about Poland's international ambitions, he limited himself to only one thing - to earn the respect of the world community. "I would like Poland to be an ordinary, normal European country. No less and no more." But later, he expressed another aspiration - "Perhaps we have an important role - to connect Western Europe and the East. We are between Germany and Russia. So we can be a kind of bridge."

My last morning with the Banyaks coincided with the first day of spring. Polish schoolchildren have a tradition - to celebrate the end of winter, they gather at the nearest river and “drown” a brightly colored paper doll. Amelia's kindergarten teachers led all 40 children to a bridge over a local stream. Marcin and I follow on their heels. The doll is called Maržana (in Polish folklore, she is the friend of winter), and one boy has a special duty to throw her into the water. He lifts her above his shoulders, brings her to the railing of the bridge, and releases her, letting the wind blow her away. "Zegnaj zimo! [Goodbye winter!]" the children sing as she touches the water. "Witaj wiosno! [Hello spring!]"

"It's politically symbolic," I joke. Marcin smiles. "Perhaps," he says. "Communism was a bad winter, bad years for our country. So this is goodbye communism. Hello beautiful new world."

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Employees of the Main Department of Statistics of the Polish People's Republic, who, together with specialists from a number of scientific institutions in Warsaw, completed a study of the needs of households in food products, came to the conclusion that households in Poland do not want and do not know how to save on food. This habit - even if it is due to a number of traditions - is hardly justified and rational, especially now, when the production of food products is becoming more and more expensive, and their prices are constantly increasing.

The work carried out, notes the newspaper "Zhiche Warsaw", extraordinary. No housewife likes to be looked into her pots. However, if there are about 10 million of these pots (that is how many households there are in Poland), then their contents should be of interest not only to the average housewife, but also to scientists and practitioners. As is known, the health and development of the younger generation and the ability of adults to vigorous work depend on the nutrition of the family.

Today in Poland there are 5 million workers, 1.3 million "peasant workers" (as in Poland they call those who live in the countryside and work in the city), 1 million peasant and 2.5 million pensioner households. Almost 5,400 of their representatives were sent questionnaires containing questions about the household budget. An interesting detail: only four of the respondents refused to provide the required data.

* The survey showed that in the list of needs, food is in the first place in all types of Polish families, regardless of the amount of income.

* In second place - clothes, shoes; on the third - housing and its arrangement.

* Then come the goods of the highest rank, and the order of choice already depends on the degree of prosperity and the preferences of families. Only the wealthiest families of pensioners put health care in second place, apparently having sufficient stocks of clothes and shoes.

* Automatic washing machine, color TV, car occupy the last place in the hierarchy of needs. Pensioners prefer to spend money on cultural leisure, while workers and peasants prefer to buy a car.

* In all groups of families, foreign tourist trips are considered as the least important ones.

The survey showed that families are not inclined to limit the cost of food for the sake of other benefits. Even appropriations for housing do not constitute competition here. By the way, the same was confirmed by studies conducted by the Institute of the Internal Market. In difficult conditions, nutrition becomes the most important area of ​​daily life. The Poles are ready to give up meeting other needs, but not from making the dining table look proper. Today, a Polish family spends about half of their income on food. But does this mean that she eats well, rationally? So what is on the plate of the average Pole?

Many scientists believe that food traditions in Poland are not the best: vegetables, fruits, as well as milk and dairy products are not consumed much. National cuisine relies primarily on meat. Of all types of food products, it is this that is put in first place by the overwhelming majority of the respondents.

Only pensioners and "peasant workers" prefer milk and dairy products to him.

The level of knowledge about rational nutrition in families is low. More than half of the peasant, "peasant-working" farms, half of pensioners and a third of working families are not guided by their nutritional qualities when choosing products. As for milk, many families have abandoned it in recent years due to its deteriorating quality.

Does all this mean that in Poland they eat a lot of meat? Scientifically based standards provide for a daily intake of 40 grams of protein by an adult, which, in fact, is reflected in meat cards (meat is sold in the country in a regulated manner). Each Pole consumes daily an average of 49.9 grams of animal protein, including 22.1 grams of meat products, 22.7 grams of milk and dairy products, 1.5 grams of fish, 3.6 grams of eggs. Poultry, lamb, rabbit meat could be a supplement to a protein diet, but in Poland they do not find due recognition due to the inability to cook them. Everything points to the fact that meat will remain the number one food product until the end of the century.

Only 18.3% of families note the insignificant role of meat in nutrition. The majority ascribes special significance to it. Eating meat is seen by many as a sign of wealth as well as high social status.

Most of the respondents believe that only income growth can change this picture, as well as the existing proportions of spending on food and industrial goods. Only under this condition are families inclined to increase appropriations for clothes, shoes, cars, housing, color televisions. The second condition is the provision of the market, the availability of industrial goods, the third is the improvement of their quality.

According to the materials of the Polish press

The number of children depended on the duration of the marriage: until the end of the 18th century, it lasted about 15 years. Since 30-35% of newborns died in Poland, and only half of the children survived to adulthood, families had an average of six offspring. For example, Elzhbieta Drushkevichova from Poradovskie (Elїbieta z Poradowskich Druszkiewiczowa), who lived in the 17th century, gave birth to 11 children in 17 years, but only five survived to adulthood. The improvement in hygiene conditions and the progress of medicine in the 19th century made it possible to reduce infant mortality. In general, in the era before the partitions of Poland, women married a little earlier than in the West, the age difference between spouses was more significant, and more children were born in marriages, which was caused, in particular, by the rare use of contraceptives (which does not mean that they were not known at all).

Historian Jean-Louis Flandrin notes in his book History of the Family that in the 17th century, France, with the highest birth rate in Europe (women did not breastfeed and could quickly become pregnant again), had the highest infant mortality. In Poland, the services of wet nurses were used less frequently than in France; this was available only to the wealthy segments of the population. At the same time, we can say that the approach of parents to children was different: the lyrical tracks of Jan Kochanowski, tombstones and epitaphs for deceased daughters and sons testify to love, and the desire to get rid of them is the sending of offspring practiced by magnates to be raised by grandmothers and grandfathers.

Since the 18th century, childhood in the families of urban residents ended when a child at the age of six or seven “took off from the skirt” of his mother. Children of peasants and poor townspeople at this age were sent to work. And that is not all. “According to recent studies, in large Polish cities there were cases of sexual violence against children, they were forced into prostitution, even to the point of incest. The atmosphere of aggression, violence, coercion corrupted minors and reinforced indifference to such phenomena in society,” says Professor Kuklo.

In addition, neonatal murders and abortions were common in Poland. The laws of the 14th century already mention infanticides, from various documents it follows that in the 16th-17th centuries in Warsaw and Lvov infanticides accounted for 10-12% of all convicts, and in Gdansk this percentage was even higher. Most often, servant girls were accused of killing babies. The situation of children born out of wedlock (1-4% in villages, up to 15% in cities) was completely unenviable. Since working mothers could not take care of the child, they often handed him over to an orphanage (the Warsaw Hospital of the Infant Jesus in the 60s of the 18th century received up to 400 foundlings a year, and in the 80-90s - 700-800). The fate of the illegitimate only improved with the emancipation of women at the end of the 19th century.

During the late medieval period in Gdańsk, men who did not want to marry were put on trial and paid a bachelor tax. Church and state authorities saw in marriage a fundamental value, since it guaranteed the relative stability and orderliness of life. Marriage and children were also considered a kind of insurance for old age. Meanwhile, the idea of ​​a family consisting of several generations and living peacefully on the same territory is another myth.

Gabriela Puzynina wrote: “When my parents were expecting their first child, my father, extremely systematic in everything, went to Dr. Leiboshitz, asking him for a detailed prescription on how to keep the child in terms of hygiene, to which Leibunya answered in all seriousness: “Sir! The main rule: let it be stupid, but healthy. In fact, of course, this was not the main principle of the care and early education of noble children.

Much of what relates to the birth and upbringing of a child depended on the family. For example, even in relation to how happily they were expecting a child. The number of children, the material wealth of the family influenced how desirable the child would be. The birth of Gabriela Puzynina, for example, brought some disappointment to her parents, because she was the third daughter who was born one after another. True, as she writes, she did not feel the consequences of this disappointment at all. Gabriela Puzynina's parents often spoiled younger child, daughter of "Benyaminka". In general, as a rule, the Polish gentry had many children; the only child is always noted in the memories as a special rare case.

Often, in addition to native children, other children were brought up in the family (temporarily or permanently) - cousins ​​​​and sisters, children of relatives, adopted children. This was due to family circumstances - relatives could raise orphaned children, as well as situations when, in order for a child to receive a better education, he was sent to live with another family - a family of relatives or acquaintances. For example, from the age of six, Eva Felińska lived permanently in the house of her relatives - first with one aunt, then with another - because. only in this way could she learn - first from the teacher, then from the governess. Her cousins ​​lived with her mother, their aunt, because they studied at the gymnasium in this city. After the arrest and deportation of Ewa Felińska, her children, especially the younger ones, also had to seek refuge with relatives, with whom they were brought up. In the memoirs of Gabriela Puzynina, there is a mention that her uncle took care of the upbringing of the orphans left after the death of his brother.

The father, as a rule, played a much smaller role in the life of the child, he was busy with important matters outside the home, communicated much less with the children and personified the highest power in the family. But still, the head of the family was not something completely distant - Felix Feliński writes how, after the misadventures and wanderings during the uprising, they were happy "after so much experienced to be in the arms of their beloved dad." Every Christmas, on the holiday itself and the mother's name day, the father, Gerard Felinsky, who lived in another city and served as an official, always got out to the family and spent holidays with them. Some fathers devoted a lot of time to the family - for example, Gabriela Puzynina writes about her uncle Konstantin Tizengauz, who devoted all his time to science and raising children, studied ornithology and entomology with his son. Korzon recalls how his father told him about his grandfather, who served in the Pyatigorsk regiment, about the famous wars and battles of the past, about Grunwald, and so on.

It so happened that the child felt like an orphan in own house”- for example, when he was not native and was simply brought up there. This is how Eva Felińska describes her condition in the house of her aunt, especially at first, when she ended up alone in a family where certain relations between children and parents had already developed, where no one paid attention to her, so necessary for the child. The only close soul for her at that time was a maid who felt sorry for the little girl. Often the children had good relations with the servants - but remaining within the limits of their position.

As a rule, the child has never been in the center of attention of adults; strangers showed attention to children only out of good will and a special disposition of character. Often children were a source of certain entertainment for adults - the same drawings, dances, performances when they showed their success in mastering the sciences and arts. Children were limited - even in relation to food - they could not drink tea, coffee, they could not drink at all during meals. At the same time, children were considered part of the family, although they did not occupy a central place in it.

It depended on the one who was closest to the child and was directly involved in his upbringing, from whom he would perceive important ideas about life, moral principles, ideas about relationships between people, etc. At this time, at the end of the 18th and beginning of the 19th centuries, during the Enlightenment and Romanticism, great attention was paid to the upbringing of a person. Enlighteners saw in education a decisive factor that determines the nature of society, a guarantee of progress. Of course, not all nobles perceived, wanted and had the opportunity to apply these high principles in raising their own children, but this influenced the general trend and approach to children. Feliński, who devoted much attention to general discourse on the upbringing of children, described his mother's pedagogical convictions. From her point of view, the goal of education is to form a virtuous and useful member of society. Therefore, in this case, great importance was given to moral education, the formation of ideals, religious education. The means were different, of course, and they were not always teachings.

Many memoirists write that their educators influenced them more by their own example than by words. A special role and place in society was intended for a man, a completely different one for a woman. In the corresponding spirit, boys and girls were brought up differently. The purpose of a woman is to be a wife and mother, so everything, even the education that a girl was given, was aimed at making her a good match for marriage. Psychologically, the educators believed that a woman should play a passive role, remain in the shadows, be modest, caring, chaste. "The most happy woman- the one that is least talked about "- this was my mother's favorite maxim," wrote Gabriela Puzynina. In the future, it was considered the main thing for a man to instill the skills of independence, activity, even aggressiveness. At the same time, moral principles, the foundations of Christian ethics, and the noble code of honor were not forgotten. Polish noble education was distinguished by nationalism, especially in the conditions of the late 18th - early 19th centuries, the absence of statehood in Poland. All these moods dominated among adults, and children were helped to learn, in addition to their own examples of surrounding adults, books, especially historical ones, stories, sermons, instilled respect for the Polish language, national literature.

Another important issue is punishment. Corporal punishments existed and were used - rods, beating on the hands (in Polish - "iapa"). They were used extremely rarely for girls, only in case of special misconduct, while for boys - in the order of things, although not for everyone - Felinsky writes that at home he was beaten with rods only once (unlike at school). Many write that educators paid attention to the cause of the misconduct, the degree of his consciousness, etc.

Memoirists mention instructive punishments, for example, Eva Felińska, for getting up late and not waking up the first time, was punished by the fact that her sleeping woman, in one nightgown, was taken out into the yard with a blanket, where around noon she finally woke up. This punishment made a strong impression on the girl. Massalsky writes that for numerous pranks, his parents threatened to send him and his brother to recruits, and once they even began to “fulfill” the threat, gathered them on the road, put on jackets, harnessed horses, and then, at the request of the mother, canceled the punishment. Massalsky writes that later this prophetically came true with his brother after the discovery of the Filaret Society, he was indeed given into the soldiers.

There were also spoiled children. Gabriela Puzynina mentions one of her cousins, who was the only son of a widow who was unable to apply firmness to him, he bargained with his mother and demanded a reward even for drinking bitter medicine. It is surprising at the same time that he grew up to be a good person, because by nature he was kind and impressionable, and such connivance of his mother did not spoil him very much. Some parents showed excessive attention to their children, even when they were growing up, for example, the same Puzynina recalled comical situations when at a ball a caring mother shouted to her already adult children so that they would not drink cold lemonade and eat ice cream after dancing, otherwise they would get sick and threatened them with rods for it.

The issue of religious education deserves special consideration. It was instilled in the family from an early age. Mother, grandmother, teachers taught the children the catechism, told stories from the Bible, the lives of the saints. For some children, especially girls, this was something that prevailed, it was these stories that occupied all their imagination. Felix Feliński recalled how his mother told them about the afterlife and the immortality of the soul, when during a walk they accidentally met a funeral procession - they were burying an old peasant woman they knew. Children read prayers in the morning and before going to bed, on Sundays and holidays they visited the church (interestingly, many of the memoirists we read lived in areas where the only more or less accessible church was the Uniate church). It happened that on Sunday the children were not taken to church, but they held a home service. The boys (Feliński, Zan, Korzon) served at masses. It is interesting to trace the religious views of little Tadeusz Korzon, who was born in 1839, the year of the abolition of the church union. He writes that many of his relatives and acquaintances took this event painfully, although in everyday life he does not remember noticeable differences between Orthodox and Catholics, if both of them were, in his opinion, Poles. Services, especially festive ones, made a great impression on the children.

Another topic to be considered for complete picture home education- this is, in fact, the house itself and the districts that made up almost the entire children's world until the age of 8-10, before the children went to school. The authors of the memoirs spent their childhood either on the estate or in the city. Almost none of them even had the luxury of their own room, most often they shared it with at least one other child close to them in gender and age, sometimes with several children, sometimes with a nanny, sometimes even with someone. that of adult family members. In those gentry estates where children studied at home, there was a special room for classes, but it happened that children slept, played and studied in the same room. For example, Eva Felińska described the “habitat” in Golynka as follows: “The so-called nursery, built in the corner of the house in the form of a wing, served us for study, and at the same time was the bedroom of my cousins ​​and governess. The two iron beds on which the sisters slept were separated by a cardboard screen with monstrous flowers on a white background. The governess's bed stood against the opposite wall. A large wooden table occupied the middle of the room.<…>As for me and the children of the governess, we only gathered in the nursery during the day for joint study, and at night we went to the new wing, where we occupied two rooms, and there we remained under the supervision of old Pontus, who nursed all the children of my uncle and aunt, and at night she raised them and her own, and in her old age she lived out her life on other people's bread.

In the nursery there could be children's furniture - a locker, a chest of drawers or a chest with children's clothes, a wardrobe with children's books, some children's little things, toys. Not all children could boast of a large number of personal items. The mother's room was often located near the nursery so that she could better follow the process of their upbringing, but this was not always the case, the children could live separately, in some outbuilding or on the top floor. The room of the head of the family, especially the office, was a special area where children, especially small ones, were not supposed to go. But at their disposal was a yard, a garden, some girls had their own piece of land, their own little garden. You could go for a walk in the forest, in the field, on the river. In the city, children could also walk, but, for example, girls from the Gunther family learned the life of the city only from the windows of the house or the carriage, and walked only with adults, in parks, along alleys, and Korzon in childhood knew every corner of Minsk and its environs, where he played by himself and with friends.

Thus, in the life of a child from the nobility, the family played a very important role. Despite the existence of nannies, governesses and tutors with whom children could spend most of their time, children and parents still communicated quite a lot and closely. A trusting relationship between parents and children was quite possible, and attention was usually paid to the child (although not as much as now, in modern society). Children, however, have never been the center of attention or come first for adults. They were singled out in a separate group, and there were certain rules for this children's world, the children had their own rights and obligations and their place in this society.