Girls and their older brothers. Psychological characteristics of the older, middle and younger child. Key characteristics of the average child

Sigmund Freud was the first of the psychiatrists to argue that the position of the child among sisters and brothers is not just an important, but practically a decisive factor in the formation of his personality. We don't have to look far for examples: many of us have learned from our own experience the impact of the model learned in childhood. Older children in the family usually have some general characteristics: achievement orientation, leader qualities. Other role positions also have their own distinctive features. For example, the younger brother of sisters will have different personality traits than the younger brother of brothers. Different positions in the family lead to gigantic differences in the personality of children of the same parents.

Consider the main personal and behavioral characteristics of brothers and sisters, depending on the order of birth.

older child

He is often characterized by responsibility, conscientiousness, striving for achievements, ambition. Such a child takes care of younger brothers and sisters more often than others, especially in case of illness or loss of parents. He may feel responsible for continuing family traditions, often becoming a leader. Older children, especially boys, more often than others inherit the professions of their father and grandfather, the family expects them to have a successful career to a greater extent. The older child is more serious, strives for perfection and plays less often with peers. A fairly common psychological problem of older children is the anxiety of not living up to the expectations of parents and other authority figures (bosses, teachers, coaches, etc.). It is very difficult for them to learn to relax and enjoy life. Of the famous people, the eldest children were Winston Churchill, Boris Yeltsin, Raisa Gorbacheva.

When raising an older child, it is important to remember that if he is forced to take care of the younger, then it is still not worth sacrificing his childhood. After all, he also wants to run and play with the guys, and he is tied to the stroller of his brother or sister.

As Garbuzov V.I. notes, older children always remain in the memory of childhood next to their mother or father. They educate, protect, protect. And if the economic situation of the family is not entirely prosperous, then older children are forced to sacrifice their own interests in order to help their parents feed the family. They may start working early and education for these children may be delayed. Older children also have problems in starting their own family, because until they are calm for the life of their younger ones, they cannot internally afford to "leave". Gained freedom, after the younger ones no longer need to be taken care of, and they acquire independence, is no longer so pleasing, because the usual way of life becomes disrupted, and the precious time for establishing relationships with the opposite sex has already been lost. The gratitude of the younger ones cannot compensate for the current situation.

Often in childhood, older people get less benefits and attention. And they bring up younger children better, because the first ones gained experience, and by the birth of the younger ones, parents already understand “what is how much”, what needs to be done, and what can be done without. It also happens that it is precisely at the birth of the youngest that the “paternal feeling” wakes up in the pope.

The elder is often told: "You must yield." But really, he doesn't owe anything. From such an unbearable burden of responsibility, the elder remains from childhood only a feeling of bitterness. And therefore, the younger ones often refuse more optimistically than the older one and are more successful, bypassing him in social and status growth. In this regard, it is important to remember that children's shoulders are still very fragile, and it is not worth dumping all maternal, parental burdens on them.

When a second child of the opposite sex appears in the family, the negative reaction of the first is not so dramatic; there is no direct competition, so the characteristics of the older child described here are much less pronounced.

When the second child is of the same sex, its effect on the first is very strong. It stimulates one of the common stereotypes of the behavior of an older child: he tries very hard to be good so that his parents continue to love him more than a newborn. Parents unconsciously reinforce this tendency by telling the elder that he (or she) is bigger and smarter than the newborn, and therefore better, despite the fact that now all the attention of the parents is absorbed by the baby. Parents also expect the elder to set a good example - to be a big Girl (or boy) - and help care for the baby. As a result, the elder usually acquires many parental qualities; he knows how to be an educator and is able to take on responsibility. More than half of US presidents have been eldest sons; Of the 23 original American astronauts, 21 were seniors or the only ones in the family.

This sense of responsibility can be a heavy burden, and the older child develops into an anxious perfectionist who does not dare to make mistakes, upset his parents or other authority figure. If the standards of achievement in a family are oriented toward success in criminal activity, the elder will strive for high performance in this area. The elder may become a priest or, like Hitler, a maniacal world leader.

The emphasis on high achievement makes the older child more sensitive, more serious, less playful than others. He usually works hard and is conscientious in everything he undertakes, although he does not accept criticism.

Another early and, in its own way, exceptional impact on the older child is that for his parents, caring for him, a newborn, is new and unusual. They are usually very excited about the arrival of their first child, looking forward to it and paying close attention to everything that happens to the baby; the first smile, the first word are noticed and recorded in a special "child's book". The development of children born later is already more familiar to parents, and each subsequent child (without defects) receives less attention, becomes habitual. But the first child is, first of all, an experiment, and parents do not even really understand what they are doing at this time.

Older children learn to identify with their parents and often end up being guardians of the status quo, the former teaching family traditions and morality to their younger siblings, and then try to spread them to the rest of the world. They may become so rigid that they are unwilling to accept any change or compromise.

Partly because of the habit of relying only on their own strength and going their own way, partly because they are not demonstrative and too serious, older children have more difficulty in making friends than other children. They usually have only one close friend. They are characterized by increased sensitivity to manifestations of personal disrespect and intolerance to other people's mistakes.

Gender and the number of younger siblings play a crucial role in the development of a child's personality. If they are of different sexes, the characteristics described will differ and vary. If all juniors are of the same sex, especially if there are two or more of them, these qualities are enhanced.

middle child

The middle child may have traits of both younger and older children, or a combination of the two. The average child, unless it is the only girl or the only boy in the family, has to struggle to be noticed and to get their role and place in the family. Such children do not have the authority of older children and the spontaneity of younger ones. Alfred Adler, by the way, being the second son himself, noted: "The second child in the family is under constant pressure from both sides - fighting to get ahead of his older brother, and fearing that his younger brother will catch up with him..." [Adler, 1970 ].

If there are many children in a family, then the character traits of middle children are determined by the group of children they were born in: among the younger or among the older, and what is the difference in age between them. Middle children have very developed social skills. They know how to negotiate and get along with different people, because they were forced to learn how to live in peace with their older and younger brothers and sisters, endowed with different characters.

The average child, whether the second of three or one of the middle in a large large family, is difficult to describe. He is at the same time the eldest for those born after him, and the youngest for those born before. Therefore, he often finds it difficult in self-determination and the formation of a distinct personality. The habit of being ahead does not leave an imprint on him, as on a child born first, but he cannot remain a baby, like a child born last. (One of the studies done on large families showed that the elder and the younger are always family favorites.)

The average child never experienced the undivided possession of his parents and did not receive as much attention as the first. Although he finds himself in the calmer, relaxed atmosphere that comes with repeated births in the family, he is soon replaced by a newborn as well. The average child is forced to compete both with the older, more skilled, strong, and with the younger, helpless and more dependent. As a result middle child may oscillate between trying to be like an older child and trying to return to the role of a foster baby again, without having firm guidelines for highlighting his individuality. Middle children in adulthood are less able to take initiative and think independently. In general, they have the lowest motivation to achieve, especially in their studies, and they are preferred to be sent to college last of all other family members.

The middle child, because he is deprived of the rights of the older child and the privileges of the younger, often feels the injustice of life. In their attempts to feel their own importance, middle children try to compete with others and, if the only way to establish themselves in a results-oriented family is to become a destroyer, they do it. They can become self-destructive, such as by drinking and eating too much, or they can become social disruptors by becoming members of gangs or juvenile delinquents (but rarely bigwigs). Often, they may simply form annoying, attention-grabbing habits.

Because middle children tend to be more responsible than younger ones, they have more problems than younger or older children, and are more introverted than both. They are deprived of the authority of the elders and the spontaneity of the younger ones. However, middle children are often good at dealing with different people because they have had to learn how to live in peace with their younger and older siblings of different personalities. As a result, they are usually friendly with everyone and actively seek friendly relationships. They are good at negotiating and often become diplomats, secretaries, hairdressers, waiters - occupations that require tact, but not too much aggressiveness. Since in life they crave attention and warmth, they can head into the realm of entertainment.

There is, of course, a wide range of middle positions, with variations in age, sex, and number of siblings—too many to discuss in isolation. In general, the average child will have most of the characteristics of the position they are closest to. In other words, the middle child who is closer in age to the oldest in the family, or is the second of four or more, will be more like the oldest child. If the middle child is at the lower end of the ordinal scale, his characteristics will approach the younger child. The average child, at the very center of this scale, is likely to share equally the characteristics of the youngest and the oldest and will be the most undecided among all middle children.

The influence of sex and age of older and younger siblings described above is extremely important for the development of the personality of the average child. A boy who has a younger brother and an older sister will have different characteristics than a boy who has younger sister and older brother.

If all children are of the same sex, the average child is in the worst position. He (or she) will receive the least amount of attention and will be overwhelmed by the need for competition. This middle child will probably be the most confused, since he (or she) has an almost equal mixture of younger and older characteristics, and will be the most anxious and self-critical.

If the average child grows up among older and younger children of only the opposite sex, he (or she), in spite of everything, may receive the most attention in the family. This can form the middle child who is so spoiled that for him the question of marriage does not even arise, since his domestic situation cannot be repeated. Such an average child will also have difficulty making friends with peers of the same sex.

The greater the variation in the sexes and ages of other children, the more difficult it is to come up with an appropriate description of the average child.

younger child

develops in a peculiar way youngest child in family. He, like an only child, was never traumatized by the appearance of a newborn. A lot of attention is given to him, as all the other members of the family feel some responsibility for him. And he can be ambitious, cunning and selfish, because he occupies an exceptional position, all the time balancing on the verge of a special attitude of his parents towards him and the need to maintain normal relationships with his brothers and sisters.

The younger child is carefree and ready to accept someone else's patronage and support. He is forgiven more than other children, and he just gets used to expecting only good things from life, so in the end he turns out to be a great optimist. For his family, he can forever remain a child. Yes, and parents are less demanding of his achievements. In this regard, they put less pressure on him. Therefore, as you can guess, he achieves less.

The main problems of the younger child are related to self-discipline and the difficulty of making decisions, since there was usually someone older and wise who made decisions for the baby. He continues to expect others (such as a spouse) to solve his problems for him. He can also go to the other extreme: reject all help. The younger child knows that force in close relationships will not achieve anything, and often develops manipulative ways to achieve what he wants, defiantly offended or trying to charm. If he was overprotected in the family, then, choosing the eldest child as a marriage partner, he may subsequently fight against the control and guardianship of his spouse. A younger child who has been treated well in childhood usually has no social difficulties and is popular with friends. Alfred Adler, author of the theory of inferiority complex, wrote: "The position of the younger brother is always fraught with the danger of being spoiled and remaining family child... He can become an artist, or, as a result of overcompensation, develop great ambitions and fight to be the savior of the whole family" [Adler, 1970]. The younger child usually makes fewer demands on life and may be the last to comply family traditions, even if the elders abandon them.If he decides his own fate, he usually tends to artistic creativity.

He can turn out to be a rebel if he is too much cared for or led by him, and eventually comes to the defense of weak people in society. He is busy overthrowing social institutions and will be at enmity with the hierarchy, but without direct confrontation. He usually has an "adventurous" approach to life and easily takes on new things. He tries in one way or another all his life to catch up with his elders, but he does not succeed, unless he chooses a completely different field of activity and life style in which he can succeed due to their own inclinations. Despite his tendency to rebel against authority, the younger is more likely to be a follower than a leader, and can easily please a leader he likes. If he is in a position of leadership, his followers will love him and his authority will not be taken too seriously. Basically, the youngest child remains dependent on others, even if he rebels against the rules. He often chooses an older partner and subsequently fights against their control.

Traditionally, the land allotment and the castle went to the eldest son, and the younger ones went to seek their fortune in foreign lands. The biblical prodigal son was also the youngest in the family. The youngest children were Elizabeth Taylor and Bernard Shaw.

The presence of three or more children in a family sharply stimulates the processes of individualization of the development of each child. If the second child appears as desirable as the first, then the parents are equally worried about him or, on the contrary, calm about his future, then the mental warehouse of the child is likely to be similar regardless of differences in sex or age. If, during the upbringing of the first baby, the parents drastically changed their views on the character educational process and changed their attitude towards children in general, the second baby will be very different from the first.

The very specifics of the relationship between brothers and sisters will depend on whether parents compare children with each other. Are parallels being drawn regarding their mental and physical ability. When reproaches arise that some child is not like that, a tough competitive struggle between children begins to show their individuality and earn the love of their parents.

In large families, the third and fourth children are forced to acquire communication experience early. They know how to stand up for themselves, easily adapt in children's groups. They are sociable, energetic, flexible in dealing with people. Middle children, communicating with the elder, tend to keep up with him and quickly grow up next to him. They know how to obey the elder without humiliation and lead the younger ones without arrogance. And so naturally a sense of hierarchy is formed when people know how, when and with whom to behave.

But now the children grow up, and already firmly stand on their feet. With a good and skillful upbringing, they are not afraid of anything. Together they come into life, supporting each other. And their parents are proud of them. Three children is in all cases not a life lived in vain for them, it is a guarantee that children will not be alone in trouble. The family will be preserved. After all, as folk wisdom says, “one son is not a son, two sons are half a son, three sons are a son.”

The feeling that there is a reliable shoulder nearby always helps to overcome any adversity. I myself remember how in childhood my mother often said to me and my brothers when we quarreled: “After all, you are relatives. And you behave worse than your enemies. One at a time, you are a branch from a broom, and then it will be very easy to break you, but when you are together, you are a force, try to break the broom, you will not succeed. In the same way, you should go through life side by side. Don't fight and quarrel. After all, you are the closest, most dear people in the world. Take care of each other". And, indeed, now that we have already grown up and my brothers have long been independent adults, in difficult times I know that they will always come to my aid, wherever they are. And do not find more true and reliable than them, a friend, adviser and assistant. Until now, at the meeting, a feeling of gratitude and “daughter” love for the elder is born, and a feeling of parental care for the younger brother. And I am infinitely grateful to my parents for giving me the opportunity to experience all these feelings.

The article is based on the following materials:

1. Ronald W. Richardson. The strength of family ties. - St. Petersburg, 1994

2. Garbuzov V. "Raising a child". - St. Petersburg: "Delta", M .: OOO "Publishing house AST", 1997

Anna Ershova,child psychologist

Why are they so different? How to understand and form the character of your child Korneeva Elena Nikolaevna

Older brother, elder sister

older brother, older sister

If the opinions of the parents differ regarding the first-born: some want a son, others yearn to have a girl, then the issue is resolved quite unequivocally regarding the gender of the remaining offspring. The vast majority of parents dream of having both sons and daughters.

However, for the development of younger children, it is far from indifferent who to have as the eldest member of the family - a brother or sister. Let's dwell on this issue in more detail.

Typical situations

My men completely tortured me. Whether business at the girlfriend. My daughter is eight years old, and she helps around the house, and studies for one five, and looks after her younger brother. When there is such a Marina, no nanny is needed. Here you can not only give birth to a third, but also a fourth.

We have two older sons. My husband and I really wanted a daughter. Now Dasha is in her fourth year. The robber is growing. He takes everything from the boys. She doesn't play with dolls at all. She would have to break something, climb somewhere or sit on Boris and beat him.

Children imitate their parents, but the gap between them is too great. The intellectual, physical and social levels of adults are unattainable for children in their first years of life. It is much easier for them to reach for older children. It is no coincidence that in families where there are two, three or more children, natural groupings arise - adults and children.

If the baby can look up to his older brothers and sisters, then his development proceeds more smoothly, he has fewer problems in communicating with peers. The pace of social development of such a child is accelerating, and the behavior shows features of compliance, accommodating, benevolence, willingness to share with others.

Even if the age difference is small, the older sister is perceived by the younger child as a kind of understudy of the mother or a nanny. Older sisters play with the kids with pleasure, participate in the process of caring for them, readily take the younger ones with them, and later introduce them to training sessions. In general, this is very good. Mothers appreciate this kind of help. They have more free time for themselves and household chores. But girls often show excessive authoritarianism and, not having the tolerance that is characteristic of adults, are often prone to boredom, quarrelsomeness, increased demands and even cruelty. This is, so to speak, one side of the coin.

If a little brother remains in the care of a girl, then her desire to prove to her parents that she can cope with him can lead to rash and inappropriate restrictions on his activities, including physical and research. Being under the pressure of the authority of the older sister, the boys of the early and preschool age prefer quieter activities to outdoor games - table games, construction, paper dolls, and in communication with the guys - a company of girls, friends of the older sister. In such a company, the baby is completely deprived of initiative, endlessly picked up, squeezed, lisped, they even do for him what he can do himself. As they grow up, boys shed this girlish yoke. At the time of apprenticeship, they already consider older sisters to be boring and scammers. Relations between them are rarely warm and trusting. There is a psychological delimitation of children by gender.

In boys, the desire to take care of younger brothers and sisters is less pronounced than in girls. This causes dissatisfaction on the part of parents, expressed in complaints and reproaches addressed to them. Therefore, older boys experience, along with jealousy for the younger ones, a strong sense of resentment. But kids see protectors in their older brothers, they resort to them for advice and help in business.

Girls easily adopt from older brothers men's style behavior, characterized by greater independence, initiative, ingenuity, self-will, actions from a position of strength. This allows them to easily take a leadership position in a peer group. Taking advantage of their impunity in the family, younger girls often literally terrorize their older brothers, build various tricks on them, and just about anything, they run to complain and taunt. Brothers do not seek to involve younger sisters in their companies and to attach them to their interests. But due to the imitative nature of the child's psyche, girls themselves acquire hobbies inherent in boys. They enjoy playing war, love to wrestle, are interested in sports.

Growing up, girls with older brothers acquire a high need for achievement, strive to prove to others their independence and viability in everything. On the other hand, the features of heightened femininity are visible in them, since they early begin to perceive the guys from their brother's entourage as voluntary recruits, potential admirers and gentlemen.

Raising children of different sexes is always a double responsibility for family members. Parents should take into account the possibility of psychological problems arising from the non-programmed influence of older children on younger children of the opposite sex, associated with a mismatch between the innate attitudes of their sons and daughters.

It is not enough to buy them different things, to make different demands on children, it is not enough to take advantage of the parents' experience of communicating with firstborns - parents must learn to bypass the pitfalls associated with the influence of children of different sexes on each other.

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Just as a tree develops differently in a vast field or in a protected valley than in an overgrown forest, so the eldest and youngest of the children find themselves in their own special life situation characterized by a combination of social, psychological, biological and other factors of development. Therefore, the position of the eldest and youngest child in a two-child family team is two different life scenarios, each of which has its own "pluses" and "pain points". According to experts, if there is a “chill through” between adult sisters and brothers, this, as a rule, in eight out of ten cases, is the echo of childhood battles and mistakes. parental relationship to children.

"A place in the sun" by an older child

The older child, enjoying parental love, attention and care from birth alone, with the advent of a sister or brother, faces the traumatic experience of "overthrow from the throne", loses all the advantages of being the only one. According to an extensive statistical study of the life paths of older and younger children conducted abroad, most of the celebrities were among the first-born - 64% versus 46%. The reasons are explained by psychological factors: the elder, defending his “place under the sun”, in connection with the appearance of a “competitor”, is forced to take on socially significant life goals.

The objective need of older children to communicate with the younger ones, to feel responsible for them, allows older children to actively acquire new life skills, thanks to which they become more socially active and successful. The first-born is far from immediately and not always easily adapting to the changed situation in the family with the birth of a second child, often this is a serious stressful situation. Therefore, those parents who purposefully prepare the first-born for the appearance in the family act reasonably: they tell and even play possible changes in the family with the child in an accessible way, and at the first time of caring for the baby faithfully preserve the rituals of parental attention familiar to the first-born so that he does not doubt his former value and importance for parents.

Difficulties in the life of a young child

The second child is more confident in the constancy of the parents' emotional attitude towards themselves and grows up, as a rule, more optimistic and less anxious. In addition, the youngest appears in the family in a more relaxed atmosphere, the parents are already more confident, consistent and experienced in raising their second child. True, today experts note that there are already much fewer "favorites" among the younger ones, and parents pay less attention to the second. And yet, the younger child experiences the condescending attitude of adults for a longer time than the older one, and remains in the role of a baby for a long time. Condescension leads to the fact that he is not included in the usual daily life of the family: "You are still small. You can't do it, you still have time." The eldest child for the youngest is the leader and leader, the youngest voluntarily and involuntarily equals him.

Certain difficulties in the life of the second child and, as a result, a number of psychological problems in his development may be associated with the objective fact that it is difficult to “catch up” with the first-born in skills and outshine. Sometimes parents consciously and unintentionally “heat up” the competition between their children with seemingly harmless phrases: “I know that you can do it as well as your brother (sister).” In fact, such parental statements do not so much carry support and encouragement for the child as a hidden "invitation" to competition. Is it any wonder that the second children begin to experience defeat painfully, which is reflected in their personal characteristics. When the younger one cannot win, the child may even lose motivation to display such qualities as courage, perseverance, determination, energy, initiative, etc. It is no coincidence that, statistically, younger children are more likely to have a dependent position, an irresponsible attitude to their duties, selfishness of character, and a more pronounced desire to compete.

In general, experts believe that the birth of a second child in a family is a factor in improving the family situation and reducing marital disagreements. However, with the advent of a second child, rivalry between children becomes a source of stress for parents.

The well-known author of the popular book "Family Through the Eyes of a Child" G.T. Homentauskas describes three strategies for the behavior of the youngest child in a two-child family in cases where parents, for various reasons, fail to develop adequate requirements for each, without a clear preference for any of them. The first strategy of behavior - "I will be valuable and loved if I surpass the elder and all means are good to achieve this goal" - is aimed at competing with a brother (sister). The second strategy is directed against parental restrictions - "I will force you to reckon with me as I am." The author considers the third strategy the most emotionally traumatic - "Don't you see how worthless I am, so leave me alone" - the second child follows the strategy of staying in the "shadow" of the older one.

Wise rules of family order

It is unlikely that there are universal recipes for upbringing so that the youngest is not attacked by the elder, and the first-born is not manipulated by the younger (sneaking or boasting, for example). We dare to highlight a few time-tested wise rules of family order when there are two children:

the first child has priority over the second;
each child knows what his individuality is and feels his value and uniqueness for both parents;
love for one child should not lessen love for another;
involving children in cooperation with each other is many times more important than encouraging rivalry and competition between the elder and the younger.

We suggest reflecting on the success of parenting steps on the example of the following mini-stories from practice family education two children. Do you approve of the actions of parents? What advice would you give to parents when there are two children in the family?

Situation 1. The younger once again quarreled with the older.

You're not playing fair,” Nikita yells at his older brother.

And you are a mother's boy. I'm older than you, don't argue with me! the elder retorted. The children started blaming each other. The mother did not wait until the children "reached the point", went into the room and, without saying a word, hugged her youngest son by the shoulders. The son, feeling the support of his mother, said to his brother: "I'd rather play with myself." And he went to another room. Very soon the passions subsided, and Nikita again played with his older brother, as if nothing had happened.

Situation 2. When a brother appeared in the family, Lena (3 years old) greeted him friendly. Despite her small age, she already spoke well, was cheerful and agile; loved it when her parents got involved in her games. Lena liked to attract the attention of her mother and father, she tried to always be in sight. With the advent of a brother in the family, the father often boasted to his friends in the presence of the girl that, finally, a son was born to them; mother was constantly busy with the newborn. Gradually, aggressive attacks against the baby began to appear in the girl's behavior. One day, her mother watched as Lena took the nipple from her brother and threw it on the floor. For this, her mother punished her. The girl became more and more whiny and irritable.

Situation 3. The mother asked her eldest daughter, 7.5 years old, to look after her younger brother in the room while she was busy in the kitchen. After a while, a piercing cry of a baby was heard. The alarmed mother flew into the room.

Daughter: "He himself ... Stepped on the cube and fell. It's not my fault!"

Mother: "Even in such trifles, you cannot be relied upon!"

Situation 4. The mother is horrified at the sight of her son who beats his younger brother.

Stop now... If you don't stop, I'll punish you. The son does not seem to hear. To stop the fight between the children, the mother pulls the elder away from the younger. The older boy whines.

The mother says to the elder: "I didn't do anything to you! Stop crying immediately! Don't cry, I said!"

Summary. A common mistake in raising the eldest and the youngest in the family is an attempt to resolve all disputes and disagreements that arise between children for themselves and think that all difficulties will disappear with age. It is important for children to see that parents are confident in their ability to find a peaceful solution to emerging disagreements. In this case, children are more likely to take responsibility for regulating their relationships with each other. Often, children attract the attention of adults with a quarrel in order to once again be convinced of their own value for parents when they take sides. Therefore, non-intervention is a suitable technique in situations of children's quarrels, unless, of course, nothing threatens the life and health of children. Often, children, having splashed out their emotions, continue to play calmly. The constant appeal to seniority (“you are older, give in”) only reinforces unhealthy relationships between children instead of learning the rule “we are both responsible for what happened.”

It is unreasonable to blame the older child for the troubles of the younger, this does not add sympathy to the younger and discourages the older to mess with him. You should not humiliate the older child in the eyes of the younger. In response, the elder, according to the law of the boomerang, can begin to directly or indirectly humiliate the younger. Who has not had to catch the zealous distrustful look of his first-born at the moment of affectionate fun with the baby? However, it is even more important for an older person to hear gentle affectionate words in such a situation than for a baby. For example: "Thank you for helping your brother tie an apron, what would I do without you, you are my faithful assistant!" Parental tenderness and gratitude to the firstborn are able to defeat the zealous feelings of the older child, then anxiety and distrust get a way out. It is no coincidence that there is evidence that older children, more than the second, are characterized by anxiety, which does not leave them in adulthood.

You should not rush to analyze the conflict between the elder and the younger, when they are both upset, when one of them failed, offended by the other. Show that you hear the child and know what he feels and wants.

The brotherhood of children is an expression of unity, one of the types of indissoluble human bonds. In childhood, a child can receive this valuable acquisition only from the hands of wise parents.

Elena Pavlovna Arnautova,
cand. ped. Sci., social pedagogue, deputy director
Center "Preschool childhood" them. A.V. Zaporozhets, Moscow
Article provided by the journal

A lot of habits, views on life, a sense of oneself and a look at others are formed in childhood. That which from an early age was absorbed as a reality in parental family, later reproduced in adult life - according to the knurled. Thus, relationships with brothers and sisters in the family affect the life of an adult and can be projected onto his relationship with others.

Let us take as an average model for analysis a family in which there is a father, mother and two children.

The only child in the family

Children without siblings enjoy the full attention of their parents. All the resources of dad and mom belong undividedly to them and only to them. On the one hand, this is good. It's nice to be the only heir to the king and not share with anyone. But everything has a downside.

If parents decide to hang their expectations on their only son or daughter, then the child will not get away. Total control, care, anxiety because of every sneeze, advice for any reason. No hiding or escaping from such overwhelming care.

The danger of the situation is that the only child grows up with great ambitions. The whole world, like parents, should belong to me and only me! And these ambitions are often not supported by the experience of fighting and defending their interests. After all, his parents did everything for him. Everything was provided immediately, presented on a silver platter. And therefore, when the only children leave the greenhouse conditions of the parental "Garden of Eden" and are left face to face with real difficulties, it is very difficult for them to adapt to this. "Mom, take me back!"

If two such “loners” come together in a relationship, there is a risk that everyone will be on their own. The degree of autonomy and isolation in such an alliance simply rolls over.

But since you have managed to be in such a pair, remember that respect psychological boundaries a partner is a must. This rule must be observed unconditionally. If you want to be with this person - do not step on his sore spot.

Surprises and a sudden change in personal plans are extremely painful. Let the partner have his own territory, his own space, his own things, his own time. I wanted to be alone - let it be. And at this time you mind your own business.

older child

Older children can enjoy the sole presence in the family for some time, but sooner or later they are overthrown from the pedestal of exclusivity. As soon as they have a brother or sister, the attention of parents naturally switches to the younger one.

Although in most cases the older child is not sent to Orphanage and they don’t exile him to his grandmother, he has a thorn in his heart for the rest of his life. He may perceive what happened as a betrayal of his mother. Her milk now belongs only to the youngest. “Oh, woe to me, woe, I will never return what was lost!”

And the most unfortunate thing is that the older child can transfer this feeling of betrayal to other people. Whoever he encounters in life - at work, in personal relationships - he may explicitly or unconsciously have a behavior model: “Now, of course, it’s good, but sooner or later one of you will betray me, as mine did. native mother. So I won't trust you...

Even being at the pinnacle of bliss, such a person is waiting for a catch or trouble. Such a person, even having reached very serious career heights, can be jealous of any talented deputy or subordinate, fearing for his chair, venting unconscious aggression towards his younger brother on it.

But the senior position has its advantages. Older children, as a rule, have experience of superiority and care for the younger ones, they are responsible, serious, practical, pragmatic, authoritarian, straightforward. As you understand, in adulthood, a managerial career cries for them.

But in order not to turn into a tyrant and despot for their subordinates, older children need to work on the skills of conducting an equal dialogue, the ability to listen to the opinions of colleagues and subordinates, and show a sincere interest in their lives. In other words, overcome paranoia and practice teamwork skills.

younger child

Younger children, on the one hand, from birth fall under the "yoke" of the older ones. And the elders have their own right. “Since you have taken from me such a resource as the exclusive attention of my parents, so suffer for it ... You will regret that you came into this world, stole my place, my pedestal!”

What only older children don’t do with younger ones ... What they just don’t get up to ... Here is what adults (I emphasize - adults and accomplished ones) tell at consultations about their relationship with older brothers and sisters in childhood.

They fought, beat, pulled hair, teased, bit, let them down, set them up, promised and then did not fulfill, stole and spoiled personal belongings, deceived, insulted, mocked and offended over trifles, took away goodies and toys, locked them in a dark room, frightened, betrayed, hated, did not communicate, forgot one in a swamp or in a basement. In a word, black ingratitude. The elders did not take the younger ones into their games. The younger ones had to wear clothes for the older ones. They have it like a laser engraved in their memory.

By force to prove to the elders that they were right, they did not succeed by definition. Therefore, they successfully developed the skills of psychological struggle, attracting parents, eloquence, fantasy, and sometimes deceit and manipulation as allies. And in intuition, sensitivity, insight, charm and psychic abilities The younger ones can definitely outperform the older ones.

In addition, the younger ones have one key advantage. Parents in children's conflicts, as a rule, are on their side. The youngest get the maximum amount of love, care and protection from their parents. They receive a share of protection and patronage from older brothers and sisters, especially in relations with strangers. And what is psychologically important: no one will take away this protection and patronage from younger children. “All the sweet buns are only for me, for me, and for me again!”

Therefore, in adulthood, younger children have a unique, in my opinion, trait. They are carefree! They sincerely believe that the world is favorable to them. Just as in childhood they sought and easily found protection from the oppression of older brothers and sisters from their parents, so in adulthood they are absolutely firmly convinced that if you ask well, then everything will be settled and resolved by itself, without much effort on their part.

Their motto is: "Everything will be fine!" But this “good” must be provided by other people. The younger ones catch an idea out of thin air to get happiness. And all the hard work to achieve this happiness must be done for them by others.

Surrounding people really often fall under the charm of "younger children" and for thanks, for a charming smile, they offer them help, assistance, support. The younger ones are carefree, like hippies, Puss in Boots brings them a whole kingdom. While the elders, having inherited a mill, spend their whole lives in the sweat of their brows, providing stability and prosperity to the younger ones.

The usual carelessness of the younger ones has a downside. Business partners or partners in personal relationships may sooner or later notice that the younger ones are "shirking." As in the fairy tale “Teremok” by Marshak: “And the Fox is busy from the edge ... She, the cheat, is the easiest of all! Protects his red fur.

The solution in this situation is both simple and complex at the same time. The younger ones, as freelance artists, really need a flexible work schedule in the professional field, and a long leash in personal relationships. In any case, it is important to "agree on the shore."

I always recommend the following to my students. If you like a person, stick wallpaper with him throughout the apartment, go hiking in the taiga for a couple of days, or, even easier, go on vacation together in the same car for a week. You will immediately understand whether you can endure a carefree younger next to you. Forewarned is forearmed!

There was a case in my practice when a “carefree idler” from the younger, who was about to be fired, found the necessary amount of money with one call and saved the entire company from bankruptcy, because such people know how to build the right relationships with the right people much better than others. They have this diplomatic talent in their blood.

Since then, this employee has a new call sign: "Our Golden Dollar." He continues to deal with the main duties at random. But the fact remains. At the right time, it was his contribution to the common cause that came in handy.

Editorial

If the older children in the family are accustomed to growing up early, then the younger and only children often remain psychological adolescents in adulthood. How to behave with infantile people, psychologist explains Anna Vaasi: .

If it is difficult to save a child from injuries associated with the order of appearance in the family (in any case, there are few options: single, older, middle or younger), then from destructive attitudes that parents consciously or unconsciously broadcast to their children is quite real. How to protect your children from themselves, says a psychologist and Gestalt therapist Nina Rubstein: .

Whatever the number of the child in the family, he needs the unconditional love and acceptance of his parents. Famous psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya in her book "Secret support. Attachment in a child's life tells how in the first years of a child's life to form a support in him that will support him in the future:.

Whether we like it or not ideal parents we won't be able to. Just as our parents failed to cope with this impossible task. We all make mistakes. But some of the words and deeds of the most significant adults for us, we carry through our lives. How to forgive your mother for all the pain that she gave you, and how to forgive yourself for causing pain to your child, a psychologist advises Olga Loran-Chuvatova: .

It was in the autumn of 1917.

On railways comrades in gray overcoats dominated. They traveled in no other way than in first-class carriages, they traded in stolen state things, sugar, tobacco, lusted seeds, saturated the air with spicy words, read moralizing to that frightened public who, with first- and second-class tickets, stood in the aisles, huddled against the walls and was to blame already the one that did not blow his nose into his fist, did not spit sunflower husks.

I was traveling in the same compartment with a colonel of the Don Army, who was ill with tuberculosis. There was a long stop at Tsaritsyn. We were searched, examined suspiciously. Strictly exacting democratic persons looked out the window several times, passed, left ...

A Cossack in a tunic and trousers with stripes went up to the window, looked very attentively at the colonel, who was deep in the newspaper, coughed once, twice, and a third. He spoke carefully:

“Your Highness, is it you?”

The Colonel looked up. Surprised. "Your Excellency", canceled with all the severity of revolutionary law-making, really sounded like a distant ringing in the dense thicket of the forest.

- I look, I look and I'm afraid to cheat: kabyt, they say, our commander, Colonel Popov?

"But you don't recognize me?" Kudinov. Second hundred. My horse was gray, maybe - remember, they shot him in Dobruja?

- Ah, Kudinov! How, how! great my dear...

- I wish you good health, your highness!

“Very glad… how is it?” long time from the regiment? how is homemade?

- Nothing, thank God, your honor ...

The conversation began - not very coherent, fragmentary, chaotic. In fact, it was soon completely taken over by Kudinov, who began to dedicate the colonel to all the details of his life upon his arrival from the regiment. He told how many cattle he had on the farm, how much sowing, how he worked casually on hay pressing. The Colonel listened, shaking his head approvingly. “Comrades” approached with seeds, listened with some amazement, looked either at an officer in uniform - then it was already a rare sight, or at a Cossack who repeatedly repeated “your honor”. They left silently.
Got a second call. Kudinov said goodbye and left. A minute later he unexpectedly reappeared - no longer at the window, but in the door of the compartment, and, handing the colonel two French rolls - they were still there then, - he said with timid caress:

“Your Highness… here’s a hotel from me… don’t bury…”

- What is it? the Colonel asked, embarrassed.

“Franzol, Your Excellency.

- Yes ... but ... why, Kudinov?

- Do not bury, your high nobility: a hotel from me ... How are you our old commander ... Someone, but you always had a liver for our brother ... We must remember this to the grave of life ...

The colonel began to fuss about to thank him with something, but the third bell rang, the train started moving. Kudinov, seeing off the commander good wishes, jumped out already on the move.

This “franzol”, these two rolls, this embarrassedly loving muttering of a Cossack in front of his old commander, when they wildly insulted, mocked officers around, tore off their epaulettes, hunted them - with an unexpected beam she illuminated one everyday feature in a Cossack officer's guise : his natural closeness to his younger brother, the ordinary Cossack, his close solidarity with him, his true democracy.

I often recalled this “franzol” even after, when the persecution directed against officer epaulettes reached the heights of senselessly vicious fury, when these epaulettes became almost the only resource on which Bolshevik incitements to the “labor” Cossacks went out. The memorized persecution of the landlords and capitalists, with which the "comrades" successfully spoke to the worker-peasant audience, was no more interesting in the eyes of the "labor" Cossacks than the Irish question or the African colonies. And only Mironov found and suggested a suitable motive for the revolutionary deepening of the Cossack labor consciousness - shoulder straps.

Apparently, now this riddled target, due to its low suitability, has already been handed over to the archives of Comrade. Trotsky, a quick-witted man, but there was a time when both leaders, and orators, and "labor" traitors to the Cossacks, practiced it to a sufficient extent. And there was fumes. With success, they reached the complete unbridledness of the basest instincts, turned out all the foulness of the human bottom, revealed in all its nakedness the dope and the demented binge of home-grown nihilism, the senseless muttering of other people's distorted words, incomprehensible slogans reached its climax. And when a fetid corruption surfaced above the muddy stream of life, from which the very “labor” Cossacks began to suffocate, the moment of sobering up and repentance entered the Cossacks’ life just as powerfully as shortly before that the fumes of temporary madness broke in, and the spirit of holy protest flared up. The Cossack again turned to his native, next to him, inseparably, living the same life with him, the intelligentsia - to the officer, leader and inspirer of this protest in the name of the honor and dignity of the name of the Cossack.

I remembered the "franzol" of the Cossack Kudinov.

I realized that what others, placed by the tragic chain of events under the most cruel blows of the revolutionary flurry, got at the cost of the greatest labor, the exertion of all forces, the great feat of passion-bearing, the Cossack officer got much easier, simpler and more natural: it came by itself. It has not yet been fully clarified and disclosed in what ways, by what paths the steppe beams, eriki, paths and mounds were demolished and echoed, but the Cossack himself, without a call or cry, remembered, "grabbed" his older brother, found his natural leader - an officer. And this leader did not have to squat down to the worldview of his younger brother, to find with him a single language, a single goal, a single ideal, - for by origin, by way of life, by all the precepts and customs, he was a bone from the bone of that people's environment, which led its tradition from the zipun chivalry of the native steppes. He was that natural, and not naturalized, democrat who understood the Cossack from a half-word, half-hint, scent and spoke to him in the right way, and this did not require much effort: it came out the way it was necessary by itself.

This should by no means lead to the conclusion that the Cossack officer did not rise above his younger brother in terms of intellect, that he is too elementary, uncultured, sir. There is - or was, at least - among people of white bone and scarlet blood a well-known tendency to look down, "finely crumble" the Cossacks and their officers. Or rather: it was. And maybe there was some material for such an interpretation. Episodic manifestations of an excess of primitiveness and prowess in an environment that did not require much enthusiasm for militancy and "violent spirit" provided such material. But behind all this, the general intellectual level of our native officers, modest, seeking education for copper pennies, not spoiled by indulgences, making their way through labor and genuine valor, is by no means lower than the cultural level of the officer corps of the entire Russian army. But one undoubted feature distinguishes our officers, the Cossacks, - the innate ability to completely and closely merge with the rank and file, the historically inherited skill for true, not ostentatious equality, the absence of lordly psychology, genuine democracy and the complete unity of basic civic feelings: no matter how different political Cossacks held no views, no matter how different ranks and ranks distinguished them from each other - love for their native land, Don Tikhoy, proud and touching attachment to their brother with the strongest, inseparable adhesion unites the elder brother and the younger brother, and the general, and the Cossack private…

Three-quarters of the Don intelligentsia left the Novo-Cherkassk military school, which is now celebrating its half-century anniversary. And all this intelligentsia went to their people, gave them their knowledge and abilities, lived a single life with them. She, this military intelligentsia, gave her strength to the common mother Russia, fought and died for her integrity, honor and dignity. But what she gave to her native land - at the dawn of her life and at the end of her life - is especially valuable, and important, and significant for us, the people of the Don.
And when now fate has gathered all the Don intelligentsia to their native land and the power of events is forcing teachers, students, agronomists, engineers, everything that we have educated, mentally enriched, selfless, to pass through the Novocherkassk Cossack military school, - I say: thank God, dear the region, the native Cossacks will gain a lot from this school, which imparts to its pupils not only specially military knowledge, but also the traditional fighting spirit of the Cossacks, prowess, strength, selfless attachment to the native land watered with the blood of the grandfathers and the ability to completely and lastingly merge with the masses of the people, stanitsa and farm. Thank God! After a period of severe trials, the turn of the construction of life, creative work and creation will come. And soldered by the bonds of one blood, one military school and one destiny, they will go toe to toe, side by side, inseparably - a Cossack officer and a Cossack private, an older brother and a younger brother, - they will find the way to a better life, renewed and healed, they will go towards a bright and glorious future...
…
A. Ch.'s comment:
In the second volume of "Quiet Don" there are such lines of the Cossack song:

Cossack women were driving home from service,
On the shoulders of the chasers, on the chests of the crosses.
(4, XV, 137).

And in the third volume differently:

... Yes, from service to mine!
On the chest - go-no-ki,
On the shoulders - crosses-s-s ...
(6, XLI, 274)

These words turned inside out are bawled by the Cossack Shamil, but, perhaps, few of the readers pay attention to the formidable meaning of the song altered in drunken delirium.

Beginning of 1919. Veshensky uprising broke out on the Don. Kharlampy Yermakov and his comrades incite Grigory to overthrow the commander of the rebellious army Pavel Kudinov, elected by the whole world, and fight on two fronts - both against the Reds and against the Whites.

“- Again, the gold-chasers own us! They took power into their hands! Yermakov yelled, embracing Grigory.
“What epaulettes?” Grigory asked, pushing Ermakov's hands away. - In Veshki, you don’t know, do you? The Caucasian prince is sitting! Colonel! I'll kill you! Melekhov! I'll put my life at your feet, don't let us be a waste! The Cossacks are worried. Take us to Veshki, we'll beat everything and let it go with smoke! Ilyushka Kudinov, colonel, we will destroy everyone! Stop teasing us. Let's fight both the Reds and the Cadets. That's what I want!" ("Quiet Don". "October". 1932. No. 2. S. 40).

And right there:
“What are you kidding, Melekhov? Don't joke, this is a serious matter," Medvedev said sternly. We want to shake up power. We will change everyone and put you in jail. I talked with the Cossacks, they agree. Let's say goodbye to Kudinov and his cause: “Get away from power. You don't like us." If they leave, it’s good, but if not, we’ll move the regiment to Veshki, and the devil’s head will take them with his head!”

Gregory understands that accepting this proposal is ruining the cause, and refuses the conspirators. Outside the white, Volunteer movement, the Cossack uprising is doomed.

The drunken Shamil's saying "on the breasts of a chaser" is by no means meaningless. Like the Red Army, the Cossacks themselves tore off their shoulder straps. White "gold chasers" became a symbol of the "former pressure".

“Kudinov, coughing all the time, covering his mouth with his hand, reluctantly answered:

- Uncomfortable in front of the Cossacks. Do you know what they are, brothers? “Here,” they will say, “officers have sat down, bending their line. Again epaulettes ... "- and everything else" (6, XXXVIII, 248).

The theme continues here: “down with shoulder straps” (6, LVIII, 372).

Fyodor Kryukov will develop this theme in "The Elder Brother and the Younger Brother", one of his last newspaper essays:

“The learned persecution of the landlords and capitalists, with which the “comrades” successfully spoke to the worker-peasant audience, was no more interesting in the eyes of the “labor” Cossacks than the Irish question or the African colonies. And only Mironov found and suggested a suitable motive for the revolutionary deepening of the Cossack labor consciousness - shoulder straps. Apparently, now this riddled target, due to its low suitability, has already been handed over to the archives of Comrade. Trotsky, a quick-witted man, but there was a time when both leaders, and orators, and "labor" traitors to the Cossacks, practiced it to a sufficient extent. And there was a frenzy."

Why does Yermakov dislike Pavel Kudinov, who was elected commander? The fact that, although he is from ordinary Cossacks and a hero of the German war, he managed to graduate from a military school and wear officer epaulettes.

Pavel Kudinov breaks into The Quiet Flows the Don in the third book (and flashes in parts 6 and 7 of the novel more than a hundred times):

“Suyarov was replaced as commander of the united rebel forces by a young twenty-eight-year-old cornet Pavel Kudinov, a knight of St. George of all four degrees, a talker and a clever one. He was distinguished by weakness of character, and it would not be for him to rule the rebellious district in such a stormy time, but the Cossacks were drawn to him for simplicity and courtesy. And most importantly, Kudinov was deeply rooted in the thickness of the Cossacks, where he came from, and was deprived of the arrogance and officer arrogance usually characteristic of upstarts. He always dressed modestly, wore long hair cut in a circle, was round-shouldered and quick-spoken. His lean, long-nosed face seemed masculine, indistinguishable by anything” (6, XXXII, 208–209).

Why did the author take that Pavel Kudinov was "weak character"? The fact that in the summer Pavel Nazarovich Kudinov joined his army to Dobrovolcheskaya and surrendered command is not yet a reason for such a reproach.
We learn little about the military exploits of this Cossack from the novel. Here he says to Grigory: “And breaking the front is not an easy task, I know, I myself broke with General Brusilov ...” (6, LVIII, 371).

Actually, that's all. However, let's turn to historical background.

REFERENCE:
Kudinov Pavel Nazarovich (1891–1967), ur. Art. Vyoshenskaya, h. Nizhne-Dudarevsky, 1911 census. Graduated from a general education elementary school. By order No. 480 of November 27, 1913, he was promoted to junior officer of the 12th Don Regiment (seniority from September 14, 1913); by order No. 119 dated 07/30/1915 for the 11th cavalry division, he was awarded the St. George Cross of the 1st class; On May 21, 1916, by order No. 282, the senior sergeant of the 12th Don Regiment was approved in the rights of education of the 2nd category. In 1916 he was a sergeant-major of the 5th hundred of the 12th Don Regiment. In 1917 he graduated from the Irkutsk military school. In 1917, an ensign, sent to rest in Sevastopol; on 11/03/1917, an ensign of the 5th hundred, from 09/22/1917 - in Petrograd on courses; 07/19/1918 ensign, awarded St-3. Cornet (seniority from June 27, 1917). On July 19, 1918, by order No. 512, the cornet of the Consolidated Detachment of the Don Army, was awarded St-3; from 03/17/1919 commander of the rebel troops of the Vyoshenskaya, Migulinskaya, Yelanskaya and Karginskaya villages. Esaul since April 25, 1919 (order No. 795 of 05/10/1919); 06/10/1919 gave the last order to the rebel army.

In the novel, Kudinov recalls that during the German war in the spring he returned to his native farm: “In the seventeenth year, in the spring, I went to the station, plowing was going on, the time was around Easter ...” (6, XXXVIII, 244).

This is confirmed by a certificate compiled by the historian of the Cossacks A. V. Venkov:

“In 1917, an ensign, sent to rest in Sevastopol; on 11/03/1917 ensign of the 5th hundred, from 09/22/1917 - in Petrograd on courses "(Venkov A.V. 12th Don Cossack General Field Marshal Prince Potemkin of the Tauride Regiment during the First World War. - Rostov-na - Don, 2014, p. 122).

The most valuable information! This means that at the beginning of September we can see Kudinov heading for Petrograd somewhere at the Tsaritsin railway station.

But it is there and then that we meet him! Only not in the novel, but in Fyodor Kryukov's note "Elder brother and younger brother" (see the beginning of this note).

However, is this Kudinov, who at the station recognized his former regimental commander?

That one. Because the commander is also the same, and the regiment. 12th Don Cossack, transferred in 1916 to Romania, to Dobruja. Regiment of Colonel Popov.

At the beginning of the war, the regiment was commanded by Vasily Kaledin, the elder brother of the future ataman of the Don Army Alexei Maksimovich Kaledin.

Vasily Maksimovich Kaledin was born in the Kaledin farm of the Ust-Khoperskaya village of the Ust-Medvedetsky district, that is, a fellow countryman of Kryukov. He commanded the 12th Cossack regiment from 1911 to 1915. He died on June 3, 1919 in Novocherkassk from stomach cancer.

Vasily Kaledin flashes for a moment on the pages of the novel:

“Infantry units, carts, batteries, infirmaries crawled like caterpillars from the tavern to the village of Horovishchuk. One could feel the deadly breath of close battles. At the village of Berestechko, the commander of the regiment Kaledin overtook the fourth hundred. A military foreman rode next to him. Grigory, following the stately figure of the colonel with his eyes, heard the military foreman, excitedly, say to him:
- On the triverstka, Vasily Maksimovich, this village is not marked. We can get into an awkward position.
Gregory did not hear the Colonel's answer. Catching up with them, the adjutant galloped” (3, V, 267).

Kaledin was replaced by Vladimir Petrovich Popov (1877-1935), a colonel who became commander of the 12th Don Cossack Regiment in May 1915. In June 1916, he was already promoted to major general - "for military distinction" and was appointed chief of staff of the 1st Don Cossack division. In 1917, he served as chief of staff of the 3rd Cavalry Corps, and from June he commanded the 1st Don Cossack Division, with which he participated in the 3rd Cavalry Corps of General Krymov in the Kornilov campaign against Petrograd.

In November 1917, Popov arrived with the 1st Don Cossack Division to the Don and entered the disposal of the Don Ataman, General Kaledin. He did not have time to join the detachment of the Marching ataman, General P. Kh. Popov, and was hiding in the Novocherkassk region during the period when Golubov was occupied by the Red Guard. After the All-Don uprising in the spring of 1918, for some time he commanded the northern group of troops, and then held a number of responsible positions in the Military Directorate of the Don Army. Emigrated to France. He died on October 17, 1935 in Paris.

And now a little more about the “younger brother”, about Pavel Kudimov, who, at his first appearance in The Quiet Don, was quite rightly called Pavel and whom the semi-literate scribe of the novel in Yermakov’s speech renamed Ilyushka (obviously, the scribe did not make out the words “Judas ”; and so it remained until the last edition of 2018):

At the beginning of 1919, Kudinov, having subjugated the detachments of the Kazan and Migulinskaya villages, announced in the Okrug mobilization into the rebel army. On March 12, the new District Council elected him commander-in-chief of the rebel army, which then numbered up to 15 thousand people. Kudinov reorganized it. In three months, the rebel army increased to 25-30 thousand fighters and repelled the offensive of the 8th and 9th armies of the Red Southern Front. On May 25 (June 7) the rebel army united with the Don army. Over the next two weeks, through the joint efforts of the Don and insurgent armies, the entire territory of the Don Army Region was liberated from the Reds. On June 10 (23) - the day when the armies reached the borders of the Region - Kudinov resigned his command. His army was disbanded, parts of it were merged into the Don army. The command of the Don Army did not trust the rebels, so Kudinov was promoted to Yesaul and received a position at the headquarters of the 3rd Don Separate Corps of General Guselshchikov.

Why can we be sure that the Cossack of the 12th regiment described in the newspaper essay is none other than Pavel Kudinov? Yes, because in September 1917, when the entire regiment was at the front, only Kudinov, having served the leave he was entitled to after graduating from college, went through Tsaritsyn from his native village to Petrograd. And at the station, on the train to the Don, from the platform I saw in the window of my former commander Vladimir Popov. And gave him two French rolls. Well, Kryukov, who described this, was returning from Petrograd to Glazunovka in September. That autumn Popov came to the Don. There is nothing surprising in the fact that they traveled from Petrograd together with Kryukov in the same compartment.

* * *
In the summer of 1919, after the “weak character” Kudinov had surrendered command of his rebel army, Fyodor Kryukov had the opportunity to get to know him better. The headquarters of the 3rd Don Corps was in Nocherkassk. Major General Vladimir Petrovich Popov is captured in the same picture with Fedor Dmitrievich Kryukov in the summer of the same 1919.

Ust-Medveditskaya village. Sitting: Fyodor Kryukov (bottom of the picture, on the left, with a bag) and partisan Pavel Dudakov. Standing: Sergeant Major Alexander Golubintsev, Bukanovo Ataman Pyotr Gromoslavsky, Major General Emmanuil Semiletov, British Major Huddleston Williamson, Lieutenant General Vladimir Sidorin, Major General Vladimir Petrovich Popov, and farm chieftains of the Ust-Medveditsky District. In the second row between Major Williamson and General Sidorin is Major General Zakhar Alferov.
1919. Photo from the collection of the English Imperial War Museum
https://www.iwm.org.uk/collections/item/object/205320727

PS about General Sidorin, to whom Kudinov handed over command of the rebel army:

Vladimir Ilyich Sidorin(1882-1943) Cossack of the village of Yesaulovskaya, 2nd Donskoy district. He graduated from the Don Cadet Corps (1900) and the Nikolaev Engineering School (1902). In 1913 he was assigned to the Officers' Aeronautical School and received a diploma as an observer pilot. In 1915, with the rank of captain of the general staff, he was awarded the St. George weapon. In the second half of December 1917 - chief of staff of the Marching ataman, General A. M. Nazarov. After the appointment of General P.X. Popova becomes his chief of staff and on February 12, 1918, together with the headquarters, takes part in the Steppe campaign. During the campaign, he directs military operations and prepares a spring uprising on the Don. After the Steppe Campaign, the Don Salvation Circle promotes Sidorin to Major General (05/05/1918). Under General Krasnov, he does not hold command posts. On February 6, 1919, General Bogaevsky was elected to replace Krasnov as the Don Ataman. On his recommendation, Sidorin was appointed commander of the Don Army. Having accepted the army, which had rolled back almost to Novocherkassk and did not exceed fifteen thousand fighters, Sidorin reorganized it. During the spring offensive, he went to the area of the Verkhnedonsky (Veshensky) uprising, more than doubling the composition of the army at the expense of the rebels. Lieutenant General (02/02/1919). Despite his personal courage, shown many times during the retreat of the Don Army in the autumn of 1919 - in the winter of 1920, he could not stop the spontaneous retreat of the Don Corps to Novorossiysk. In Novorossiysk, there were not enough ships to load most of the Don army, and on March 19-20, 1920, this caused a severe conflict between Sidorin and Denikin. In Crimea, Sidorin and his chief of staff, General Kelchevsky, were accused of sympathizing with Cossack separatism and put on trial on Wrangel's orders. Sidorin was sentenced to four years hard labor, but Wrangel pardoned him and dismissed him from the army without the right to wear a uniform. Being expelled from the Crimea, Sidorin did not live long in Bulgaria, after he settled in Prague, where he served in the cartographic department of the General Staff of the Czechoslovak Army. Together with General Starikov, he was a co-author of articles written from separatist positions on the history of the Don Army during the Civil War. The articles were published in the Free Cossacks magazine published in Paris (1936–1938). In Paris, at the same time, they were anonymously published as a separate book in four parts under the title "The Tragedy of the Cossacks." During the Second World War, Sidorin went to Germany. Died in Berlin. He was buried at the Tegel Russian cemetery.