Diary of a foster mother: “We were one hundred and twenty first in the queue for a daughter. Social project to create and support foster families "Way Home

The Change One Life Foundation announces the launch of the Respite project to support foster families. The project aims to prevent emotional burnout of foster parents and crisis situations in the family, as well as to prevent secondary abandonment of foster children.

The Respite Project gives foster parents opportunity to take a short break. Photo — care.pro

“All parents get tired of their childcare responsibilities,” says Yulia Yudina, director of the Change One Life Foundation. - For mothers of adopted children, mothers of many children, mothers of special children often do not even have two hours a week that they could spend on themselves personally. Therefore, it is for those foster parents who cannot afford babysitting services that we provide free babysitting services.”

The Babysitter Search Service Kidsout has become a partner of the Peredyshka project. During the test period of "Peredyshka" for 3 months, 12 foster families took part in the project. Once a week, Kidsout babysitters came to their children for an average of 3-4 hours. Foster parents now have the opportunity to take at least a short break from their daily routine, find some time for themselves, and increase their resourcefulness as a parent.

Parents - participants of Peredyshka shared their feedback on the project:

Barbara, foster mother:“This is a wonderful project, and it is very much needed. It is very important to know that if something happens, you will be able to apply and you will have an hour or two to solve some cases that cannot be solved with the children / child. The presence of grandmothers removes this problem, but I, for example, do not have such an opportunity, so your project is a salvation in some situations.

Anastasia, foster mother:“I am very pleased with Olga's first visit, she easily found mutual language with baby. I was very worried that my child would not accept a stranger, and I would not be able to trust her to a stranger, but Olya completely fascinated her. I was very pleased that already on the next visit Olga expressed her desire to bring additional material for the development of the child: modeling aids, applications, literature and music, despite the fact that this is not at all part of her functionality. I look forward to the next meeting."

Olga, foster mother:“Both times the same girl came to me, who immediately found a common language with the children. It was evident that the children were engaged, and not just served the room. These days, I was able to solve many pending tasks, met with former colleagues, calmly made the necessary purchases. Thank you very much for this opportunity!”

The Peredyshka project is currently operating in Moscow and the Moscow suburbs, in the future we plan to expand its geography.

A pilot project is being implemented in Moscow to allocate the necessary housing to foster parents who have adopted older orphans and (or) children with disabilities. M24.ru will talk about how the project is developing and how many families have joined it.

about the project

A pilot project on property support for families (allocation of housing) that adopted orphaned children was launched on February 3 last year. On this day, the city's department of social protection of the population began accepting documents from citizens wishing to take part in the project.

The bottom line is that foster families that have adopted at least five orphans, of which three children are over 10 years old and / or have limited health opportunities (disability), receive housing, the area of \u200b\u200bwhich is sufficient for comfortable living of a large family. After 10 years, project participants are provided with housing under a social tenancy agreement or in ownership.

A prerequisite for participation in the project: successful completion of psychological diagnostics, the purpose of which is to determine the readiness of parents to create a foster family.

Adoptive parents must be married for at least 3 years. Citizens can be from any region of the Russian Federation, while children transferred to be raised in families must be exclusively residents of the city of Moscow.

Official data

In 2014, 20 foster families became participants in the project. 102 orphans were transferred to foster families, of which 25 children are disabled, 58 children over 10 years old and 19 children under 10 years old. The area of the apartments provided for living is from 105 to 190 square meters.

In general, the introduction of a new family device model is only last year allowed to reduce the number of orphans raised in Moscow orphanages by 20 percent: from 3,735 to 2,998 children, the department says.

One of the first participants in the project was the family of Maxim and Lyudmila Knyaginin. Currently, they are raising 11 children, of which eight are adopted. The family was given a six-room apartment for living on Molodtsova Street.

To date, 85 percent of Moscow children left without parental care have found loving parents. This is much more than a year ago and even more so 5-10 years ago. Nevertheless, almost 3,000 orphans still live in orphanages and boarding schools. Therefore, the city government plans to further develop and promote the family arrangement of orphans.

Opinion

Elena Alshanskaya, President of the Volunteers to Help Orphans Charitable Foundation.

"Of course, I understand the value of the project. We have a very big problem with housing, people need it. There are parents who could raise more children, if they had a place to do it. Parents who want to become foster parents must pass a test, including housing, and it is clear that if they live in a small house, a large number of children will not be given to them.Therefore, there is absolute logic in the idea of the project.But the question of how to approach this is a very serious one.

I would consider the issuance of apartments not according to formal parameters, but on an individual basis. Moreover, I would give out housing only to those families who already have experience in foster parenthood, otherwise we will have an experiment. If suddenly the parents can not cope, what will happen to the children?

Parents who already have experience, have raised a certain number of children and will be able to cope with the next, could be the basis for the creation of professional families capable of raising more difficult children. But the condition to take five children at a time is difficult.

Two families that have already adopted foster children under the project have done so gradually. They joined the project on slightly different terms, and rightly so, because taking five adult children and one with disabilities at once is a task that, firstly, is beyond the power of most foster parents, and secondly, it is completely unnecessary. This is excessive heroism, which can lead to dire consequences for children. Because the adoption of each child in a family is difficult and requires a lot of attention. Raising a child with a disability also requires huge resources, time, attention and care."

I met Olga from Volzhsky when I was preparing a material about the Russia Without Orphans program. The pilot project will start operating in the Volgograd region in 2014. All pupils of orphanages in the region should be transferred to foster parents. Already now, many doubt - and whether there will be enough willing to adopt. Olga is one of those mothers: she survived doubts, pain, despair, but still decided to take the child to raise. When I found out that Olga kept a diary in which she poured out her soul, I asked permission to publish fragments, in case the story of this woman will help someone make the right decision.

March 2005

All this is strange. But for me these lines - the only way don't go crazy. The last time she wrote a diary was when she was still a girl and fell in love for the first time. Now I would have such problems. Yesterday I visited my gynecologist - I have endomitriosis. So many women give birth to children even with such a sore. And I was diagnosed with infertility, thank God, not final. But it's still scary. Why me? I understand that it is already 32 years old. But I met Serezha only two years ago. And when he made an offer a week after they met, it seemed that everything would be different for us like everyone else. And only happiness lies ahead. But now there is no such certainty. We have been trying for so long to have a baby, and nothing. Tomorrow we go together for tests. I have a stack of directions. Maybe they were wrong. She crossed her fingers.

June 2005

The money is leaving at a tremendous rate. I swelled ten thousand into one doctor. Did not help. Nina's neighbor suggested another one. I came to him - laid out all the tests, and he told me: "That doctor had it, but I should have new data." Analyzes are paid, it is necessary to take two with her husband. It's good that we live with Seryozha's grandmother. We don't pay per corner, we pay doctors. The salary of both is enough only for food. The other day my grandmother brought a newspaper. She circled an article about adopted children and slipped it on me as if by accident. No, I can't imagine having someone else's child.

December 2007

I am writing these lines in a small room. The woman with whom I have been forced to live for the last two weeks in Moscow has gone to the store. At least I'll be alone for a while, I'll think about it. To beat the quota for IVF, I had to go through another circle of hell. My husband and I even brought special folders - they get fat after each appointment with the doctor. It took 40 thousand for tests in Volgograd - this is just to get into the free quota. On November 12, we were supposed to go to Moscow, but our grandmother died, and on that day there was a funeral. We lived together for so long, she was so worried about us, and I didn’t even come out to say goodbye to her. I was afraid that stress would hurt during the IVF procedure. And now I'm sitting with even more stress: I feel guilty and cry.

We arrived in Moscow, and there all the tests were done again. Those that were made a week ago no longer fit. Couldn't they have been warned in advance? Made a step - pay, made a step - pay. 60 thousand is gone. Finally, they said we were coming. And now I've been in Moscow for 15 days, Seryozha is at home. There is no money left. I understand that for those who get good, it is tolerable. But I have a salary of 7 thousand at the factory, my husband has 12.

And I also think a lot here - there is plenty of time. Why are so many women infertile? When I arrived at the Kulakov clinic, I could not believe my eyes. Every day new faces. Just a stream. And the doctors say this has never happened before. Maybe the environment is to blame. And I think so: a woman's career, teaching, life goals have replaced nature - procreation. And nature answers: something just jumps inside her, and cannot give birth.

I cried all day, I still can't stop. And everywhere - on the street, in the minibus - as luck would have it, pregnant women, mothers with strollers, with children under the arm. And I'm empty. Today the doctor confirmed: IVF did not help.

January 2008

Seems like an eternity has passed. When the doctors finally said that I would never have children, I did not want to live. If not for Seryozha, I don’t know what would have become of me. And now it's all about business and trouble. There is something to write, but not enough time. We collect a package of documents for guardianship: Rospotrebnadzor, a medical examination for me and Serezha, a certificate from the Ministry of Internal Affairs, a reference from work. We decided to adopt a foster child.

I never thought it would be so difficult. We collected all the papers, wrote a statement that we want a girl from 2 to 5 years old. And they tell us to wait. For children under 5 years old. I start calling regions. “Yes, we have children, come, take them, but they are infected.” What do you say to that? For an infected child, neither I nor Serezha are ready. And there is a queue for healthy people: 140 families for boys, 120 for girls. We are 121st.

February 2008

Just got a call from the guardianship: there is a nine-month-old girl. But my mother has not yet been deprived of her rights. She crossed her fingers. Serezha promised to take time off from work. Let's go together.

March 2008

We were given directions to the baby's home. They took out Polina - a ball. She holds her head on her shoulder, it turns out she has right-sided torticollis. She lies in my arms and smiles, looks with her huge eyes. We left with Serezha. He says: “You know, I got a lump in my throat. This is ours, we will not look for anyone else and we will not look. And it really is a miracle. Her middle name is Sergeevna. I'm Olya, and she's Polya. We immediately called the guardianship and agreed. Now we will wait for the courts to deprive her drunk mother of her rights and appoint us as guardians.

September 2008

I rushed to the baby house as soon as there was a court order in my hands. And she stands in the crib with a stuffed diaper, changed, washed. Suddenly, lunch arrives. Huge bowl of porridge and a huge spoon. I was in a hurry at first. Wanted a pacifier. But she instantly, like an adult man, ate this plate. It was explained to me that due to starvation in childhood, she did not have a measure of saturation. And she sucks all the time: a pacifier, undershirts, a finger. That's what it means, there was no mother's breast. I didn't suck

May 2010

I thought that genes are so, trifles. But you can't get away from them. My daughter is a bully, curious, stubborn. The teacher in the kindergarten today said: “This is Polina’s character, she will still set the heat for you.” If not for Seryozha, I would not have coped with her alone. Polina just loves her dad. They become even more similar: the same upturned nose, brown eyes. By the way, he continues to suck everything around - he can’t get rid of the habit. As well as from childhood gluttony. Until now, there is no sense of proportion in food. Psychologists say it will pass, but I no longer believe it.

March 2011

Our Polina is three years old. How happy she was: a bunch of gifts from grandmothers and friends. She was so elegant - they chose a dress together. I thank God every day for giving me a chance to become a mother, giving me such happiness. Although sometimes I think if there was native blood, it would be a little different. No, not in terms of love and affection. Just when your child - a scratch or some kind of sore would be easier. And here you are afraid to give an extra pill, maybe she was allergic to something in her family, but I don’t know. They tell me in custody that I'm doing well. Brought to them once again a bunch of photos and references, as we grow up. They must visit us once every six months. But I understand that there are two of them there, and they don’t have time for everyone.

May 2012

We are thinking with Serezha about the second baby. The chick is growing up. It's great if she has a brother. The doctor, whom I told about this desire today, offered her own version. She has a woman in mind, most likely to be a refusenik. Anything can be done for a certain amount of money. From the hands of his mother, the boy will come to us - everything is official, legal. I didn’t even know that hospitals had their own statistics on mothers. Doctors begin to process them when they only come to the consultation. If the girl has flown, they begin to persuade. Give birth, then leave. There are always those who want a child. Infertility is a huge business. I will offer Serezha this option, but we are unlikely to go for it. And not only because of the money (although the amount has not yet been told to me), but in conscience this is not good.

December 2012

Sometimes it seems to me that in women who abandon their own children, something is wrong with the psyche or the cells in the body are located differently. I met Nastya - native mother Polina. And here is the whole story. This Nastya left a four-room apartment from her mother, and she decided to sell it. But Polina is registered there. And Nastya succeeded. Guardian gave permission! Although it was these people who were supposed to make sure that the apartment remained with the child, but Paul was discharged without my consent and the apartment was sold. And at a ridiculous price - for 4 rooms one and a half million. Now we will sue: housing, where he was registered minor child sold illegally.

The courts don't stop. So far there is no result. But all these problems recede into the background when I see Polinka. We thought about our son again. I told my husband yesterday: “Serezha, if not for Polinka, we would have parted a long time ago.” A family then becomes a family when there is a child. He united us even stronger. And now we need a second one.

VIEW FROM THE 6TH FLOOR

Don't put adoption on stream

In the Volgograd region, where Olga Surkova lives, the program "Russia without orphans" will start operating in 2014. Her idea is as follows: all pupils of orphanages should be transferred to foster parents. The initiative is commendable, worthy of all respect and encouragement. One thing is disturbing - no matter how wonderful in all respects the idea turns into a campaign. After all, at first glance it is simple - to take children from orphanages and distribute them to everyone. And everyone will be happy. Yes, it just doesn't happen.

Adoption is a delicate process, requiring colossal movements of the soul from the adoptive parents, a sincere and disinterested desire to become the closest and dearest person for a child that was previously someone else's with a bunch of all sorts of problems. The diary of Olga Surkova is proof of this. It is unlikely that the state machine is capable of inciting people to tectonic changes in consciousness that will force them to massively adopt children. But to put the matter on stream for the sake of a tick in the reporting - she can easily do this. I won't be surprised if by the end of 2014 there will indeed be no orphans in the Volgograd region. But whether they and their new parents will be truly happy is the question. In general, one should be careful with such initiatives. Let the state create the conditions, and the decisions should be made by you and me. At the same time, being absolutely honest with ourselves and the children we decide to adopt.

Valentin KULYAVTSEV

Thank God! God grant our rulers even more such smart events in support of orphans and families! My husband and I would also probably take part in this project. We have been married for a long time, much more than three and five years, but we have no children of our own. And frankly, there is nowhere to take receptionists! We don't even have our own one-room apartment. Earn your 6 million rubles. we haven't succeeded yet! Therefore, this kind of help, of course, could make life easier for us ourselves and provide real help to orphans!
The only thing I would add a few remarks:
1. I think that issuing housing only to families who have taken 5 or more children is not a wise decision regarding children. I will say about myself that I doubt that I can immediately take on so many children, but gradually, starting from three or even from one - I definitely could - I am confident in my abilities! Yes, and children in such a large family are still not so great, given that mom has little time left to give them personal attention, so what is better for such children in such a large family, than in orphanage? Well, doesn’t it turn out that for children it’s almost the same thing? I would take fewer children for myself, but in order to be able to pay attention to everyone personally! After all, when issuing housing, you can get by with a smaller apartment - not a six-room one, but depending on the number of foster children taken.
2. The second point: such a condition was mentioned that the children must be from Moscow. Why? The fact is that if I, as a potential parent, sincerely look for an orphan child whom I can raise as my own, then there is absolutely no guarantee that this child will be from Moscow. After all, children are not mass-produced goods that lie on the shelves. And it often happens that the future foster mother looks at the profiles of children and sees that it is “her” child, meaning psychologically “her” is located in another region. People go for the so-called "their" children - that is, those who have sunk into their souls with something, somehow, who are similar to them physically or in some other way, go to another region. And they bring it to where they themselves live.
3. Here, perhaps a more significant factor could be the fact of what area the parents themselves are natives of. If the adoptive parent himself is a native of Moscow and the region and he has been living here for more than 10 years, for example, then he has enough justification to get housing in this particular region, regardless of where his adopted children come from. And if, for example, he is a newcomer and lives here for only one year, but took 5 children to get housing, then this factor is insufficient to justify the issuance of housing to him here - perhaps a person simply wants to settle in Moscow at the expense of such orphans, but does not have it at all right motives: compassion and love for these children. After all, all this can be seen in the law and determined, so that everything is fine!
4. In general, I believe that everyone who sincerely wants to serve orphans with parental love should be helped financially in every possible way. Up to the point that even adopted children, and provide everything social payments and housing, not only for wards, which is not yet in the law for some reason. God forbid that everything works out for us and it becomes just wonderful!

about the project

A prerequisite for participation in the project: successful completion of psychological diagnostics, the purpose of which is to determine the readiness of parents to create a foster family.

Expert opinion

Elena Alshanskaya

President of the charity "Volunteers to help orphans"
“As far as I know, several families are already functioning within the framework of the project. It seems to me that support, including housing, would certainly be important for many foster families. But I think that such support is needed not only for foster families, but also for blood families who have to part with their children, because they have nowhere to live.

Official data

In 2014, 20 foster families became participants in the project. 102 orphans were transferred to foster families, of which 25 children are disabled, 58 children are over 10 years old and 19 children are under 10 years old. The area of the apartments provided for living is from 105 to 190 square meters.

In general, the introduction of a new model of family placement last year alone has reduced the number of orphans raised in Moscow orphanages by 20 percent: from 3,735 to 2,998 children, the department says.

Expert opinion

Elena Alshanskaya, President of the Volunteers to Help Orphans Charitable Foundation.

“Of course, I understand the value of the project. We have a very big problem with housing, people need it. There are parents who could raise more children if they had a place to do it. Parents who wish to become adoptive must pass a background check, including housing, and it is understandable that if they live in a small house, a large number of children will not be given to them. Therefore, there is unconditional logic in the idea of the project. But the question of how to approach this is a very serious one.