A year has passed since the betrayal of her husband. A year after the betrayal. When to forgive and move on, and when not to

Treason. Betrayal. These words sound in family life like a bolt from the blue. Quarrels, scandals, reproaches, accusations, a ruined life ... Often the consequences of betrayal are just that. Yes, but not everyone immediately gets divorced and throws the things of the traitor into the stairwell. Find the strength in yourself to understand and forgive - is it so easy and is there happiness after adultery?

Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a husband and where to start restoring the ruins of a marriage, say women who have survived the betrayal of a loved one. Read 5 candid life stories where, after the betrayal of one of the spouses, the family was reunited.

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Ekaterina: "He can't, he's not like that!"

“Only now I can talk about it calmly, without wet eyes and a trembling voice. This is my personal path. Without him, there would be no me today. I have 9 years of marriage behind me, prosperous and correct from all sides - for others. The eldest child is 8 years old, the 9th month of the second long-awaited (by me) pregnancy and ... divorce. The world has collapsed. Abyss.

We met and got married while still students. Together they received an education, advanced in their careers, bought an apartment-car, raised their son, and went on vacation together every year. Our social status has grown: from a cadet of the school he became the head of the command post of the regiment, from a student I became a leading economist-analyst in a large holding. At one “beautiful” moment, I realized that my spouse had a “new interest”. Guesses and suspicions multiplied, but pushed deeper, manifesting themselves in claims, jealousy, growing anger and resentment. But since I chose the special, the best, I convinced myself that he could not, he was not like that!

We had agreements during the candy-bouquet period that if someone decides to leave, fall in love, he will be honest, he admits. After another “quirk” of my husband, to whom I could not find an explanation and at least somehow adequately respond due to raging hormones, I impulsively put his things out into the corridor, and I myself announced a divorce on emotions. We began to communicate little, and in these rare moments we blamed each other.

Then 2 nightmarish weeks of living together with us for allegedly helping with his daughter, his denial of the obvious, discovered correspondence, accusations, scandals, tears, conversations, requests to leave housing for us and our children, requests to talk to our son ourselves and tears, tears, tears ... What am I I've been through, it's hard to explain. I remember myself now with horror, my heart is filled with shame and fear, what thoughts I allowed then.

I drove myself into a corner. I wanted to talk about every day of my personal hell with any stranger, it seems to me that if people in line for bread asked why I was crying, I would throw out my underwear to everyone and everyone.

It was my way of coping with grief - to distribute, like random fellow travelers on a train, my problem in parts, to receive a share of sympathy, a couple of kind words to say that everything will be fine.

For six months I was constantly crying, looking for a livelihood. I handed over all the jewelry to the pawnshop, with secondary sales services I became “you” - things, my own and my son’s, furniture, equipment. Everything that was mine is gone.

I went to a part-time remote work when my daughter was 4 months old, but she did not save morally, but took away her last strength.

Then I went to a psychologist and, after completing the course, I realized how important it is to find new opportunities in life for development, pleasure and inspiration. And even then I discovered a revelation for myself - I love this man and want to give him the opportunity to live this life of his. personal experience. I left this “wealth” to him, deciding to take with me only my personal life lesson, experience and the born desire to live differently. I started my journey with myself.

During the same time, many details of the spouse's novel surfaced, and many things became clear, understandable and logical. It didn't lessen the pain, it gave acceptance. I wanted to feel sorry for him and laugh at him, his stupidity, naivete, inexperience. Slowly, we began to build relationships anew. I am learning to accept his real, and not a prince invented by me, he watches with surprise the birth of an adult woman. After 11.5 years of marriage, he calls me “my soul”, and we are expecting a third child.

Forgetting and forgiving are two different things. The pain of betrayal is very deep, trust is undermined. And he knows it. I was able to say it! I am learning to speak in the family. I'm just learning to live. Looking back at the path I have traveled, I understand: I have already become different, I have become closer to my real self. I will persevere and move on."

Elena: “On one “wonderful” New Year's Eve evening, my husband simply did not “arrive” from a business trip”

“Our family life began as, probably, for everyone - love, love and again love. They lived happily without quarrels. The long-awaited daughter, then the son. Worries and troubles gradually began to take up more and more of our time. After the silver wedding, my feelings for my husband somehow cooled. He moved to another job - more money, and less time spent together. He, apparently, also lost interest in me, or maybe he just pulled away, because he felt my mood. Strange business trips began to appear for several days with a one-night (or day) stay home. Over time, he did not go home for weeks, and even if he appeared, then no intima. I thought that the man was “tired” too early, and I got used to the role of “neighbor”. So three years passed.

And then, one New Year's Eve, my husband did not "arrive" from a business trip. I was very worried, constantly called him. But on the other end, the subscriber was “out of reach”. She worried, she cried, she prayed. He called his daughter a week later and said that he was fine and would be home soon. A couple of days later he came when I was at home alone and said that he wanted to live separately. My question about the woman received an affirmative answer. Then the phrase sounded: “I don’t know, maybe I’m not needed there either.” To say it's a shock is an understatement. For several days I was just in prostration. And then I realized how much I love this man.

Well, what to do - the one who wants to leave cannot be held by force. Called and asked to meet. At the meeting, thanked for happily lived joint years, asked for forgiveness for not being attentive enough to him, not giving enough of her love. She said that I love him very much and if he ever returns, I will not reproach him with a word or a look and I will love him. My husband asked me to give him time. About a month passed (we periodically met on domestic issues), and he returned. Tried to forgive.

Our relationship has gone completely new level. We love each other, as in the time of our youth, only now we consciously and reverently treat this. I wish my daughter had such a husband. It was painful for the first year, but my husband's attitude towards me in many ways helped me to survive and forget what had happened. I keep my promise to my husband.

Why did I decide to keep the relationship? I just love him. Yes, and we always lived well. No rude words, no quarrels. Today, you can count them on the fingers of one hand. I realized that I was very inattentive to my husband and, probably, showed some indifference to him. My husband began to treat me with more tenderness and also became more attentive. I'm sure this won't happen again."

Irina: “Thanks to my husband’s betrayal, I got myself in shape”

“My husband is a military man, at one point he had to leave for a long time in another city. Throwing everything and wandering around the garrisons with small children is not an option. He convinced me to stay hometown. Before leaving, they bought him an iPhone, and this is where the story began. I have duplicated his e-mail correspondence. Purely by chance, I saw it, and he did not even know about it.

One day I saw that he registered on a dating site and began to correspond with some woman. I called him, deciding to dot the i's. We had a very frank conversation, like a confession. He promised that he would tell me everything if I forgave him. And then I heard something I didn't expect.

When I gave birth to my second daughter, I began to devote less time to him, I could not get out to the city with him and relax. I trusted him and always let him go. And he met a girl younger than me, who eventually became pregnant by my husband. The mistress said that she would leave the child, but she did not need anything from my husband. So he lived for a year, not knowing how to fix everything, so he gladly left for another city. After this conversation, I just passed out and woke up already in the hospital.

From that day on, I cried all the time. At one point, I realized that this could not continue, and decided to go into the sport. I ran 15 km every day.

I loved him very much and still love him. A month later, I packed my suitcase and went to my husband, now my mother-in-law, who is like a mother, helps me with the children. Now I am learning to live in a new way - to love myself and not forget about myself.

The attitude towards her husband has changed a little. Before, I dissolved into him, lived his career and his life - and lost myself. I understand that it was my choice and my responsibility.

Now I do not trust anyone and rely only on myself. He destroyed the world in which I lived, but the reality is different. No one is sinless, and everyone can stumble - so I decided and gave him a chance. As long as we live normally, even happily. Now he is nervous, thanks to this situation I got myself in shape and somehow accidentally became happy again, I began to look at life differently, I changed a lot of things in myself and began to develop. I don’t trust men at all, but I wear a mask, and it suits me.”


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Julia: “About six months after the betrayal, my husband had an emergency at work and he lost everything”

“The betrayal was on the part of the husband, but not just betrayal, but another relationship on the side. The first time I learned about it was when I was pregnant. I found a photo of him with a half-naked girl. He lied and got out, but did not admit. Then I started checking his phone. Of course, there were messages of a sexual nature from the same girl. At the same time, he behaved as if nothing was happening, and said that I had invented everything for myself and that I had a sick imagination. Being in the last stages of pregnancy and madly in love with him, I really began to think that everything seems to me and that these are all my fantasies.

When his daughter was born, two months later, he decided to go on vacation to Thailand, explaining to me that he had stress at work and he needed to fly away. He was gone for three weeks. And I just had time to think and decide what to do next. I realized for myself that I love him very much and I want my child to live in a complete family. Therefore, together with the child, in full dress, I went to the airport to meet him. As it turned out, there was a whole company of our mutual friends who were also on this trip with their wives.

So, I’m standing at the airport, all beautiful, and she comes out first. I had already figured out who it was and was ready to see her. Judging by the reaction, she also knew who I was. My husband, seeing me, went straight to me. In these few seconds, while he was walking, several scenarios of my behavior flashed through my head at once.

For a couple of seconds, I wanted to kill him and throw a scandal, but still I got together and met him with a smile. Of course, he did not expect such a reaction, but his eyes did not look at me. But there, with her, he hugged me, kissed me, and we left as a family, and she stayed at the airport. There was a scandal, of course, but then - at home, the main thing is that she did not see it.

Why did I act like this? Firstly, because family is very important to me and I decided to fight for it, secondly, I wanted my daughter to have a complete family, and thirdly, I loved him madly. I also thought a lot about why he behaved this way, why he needed it, and it became easier for me when I understood why he did this. He never apologized to me, never confessed to me, he was always silent on this topic.

When we met, he was very wealthy, young and free. Of course, there were darkness around young girls. And then I appeared. On the one hand, he fell in love with me and wanted a family, on the other hand, he did not want to lose his freedom and female attention. I realized that it was not me and not our relationship that was to blame for the fact that he was cheating on me, but only his unpreparedness for changes in life. We began to build our relationship from the beginning, the daughter was very united, he was such a good father that everything else began to step aside a little.

About six months after this situation, my husband had an emergency at work and he lost everything. In general, everything is money, business. Accordingly, some friends and young girlfriends - too. This situation changed him a lot. I saw that he rethinks his life and those around him. About a year after the betrayal, we were just dad and mom for our daughter, then slowly became partners, friends, then husband and wife again.

10 years have passed since then, we have two children. My husband carries me in his arms, loves children, helps around the house. In general, not a husband, but gold. He is silent, but I see that he really appreciates the fact that I didn’t leave and didn’t leave when he lost everything. From this whole situation, I realized that cheating is not the end of the world. Much worse when you lose loved ones.

A person can stumble, can sometimes make the wrong decision. The main thing is to move on without looking back. I never remind my husband of this, and we only talk about the future. The thought of cheating again made me change myself. I did a lot for the family and forgot about myself, now I think a lot about myself. I took care of myself: manicures, salons, sports, hobbies. And my husband began to be afraid of losing me, now he is jealous of me. I still haven't forgiven the betrayal. I learned to live with her, I learned to accept the situation, to understand the situation, but not to forgive.


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Anastasia: “I sobbed and wanted a divorce, and at the same time he said how much he loves her”

“The relationship between my husband and I was not that bad, rather routine. We often argued, did not hear each other. We have two children (14 and 6 years old, boys), married for 15 years. The husband met his mistress at work - he drove her in a taxi. One day I noticed a message from her “what are your plans for the evening?”, he said that this is a regular taxi customer.

Then the husband often began to “work” at night, while he did not bring money, they say, there were no orders. Everything developed very quickly, and after another misunderstanding, he flared up and said that he wanted to live separately for a week. I began to follow him and "spotted" him when he was with her, ambushed him at the house.

When he saw me, he asked what I was doing there. We got into the car, and I calmly asked: “So what? Divorce?". At first I was calm and even cold-blooded, but then I could not stand it and burst into tears, repeating the phrase “what have we done”. And then he told me that he loved her madly and wanted children from her.

He literally devalued all our years and everything that we had. But when it turned out that his “new” guest marriage and a man who lives in Europe, my husband wrote to me at night and offered to meet. And I went.

We sat in a cafe until the morning, then he went to me. There was closeness, and from that moment the swing began.

They constantly cursed, the main reason was that she did not part with her European. Then he slowly somehow returned home, but he hid the phone and turned it off. Our relationship was, to put it mildly, terrible. He yelled, was unrestrained, tried to leave many times, said that they agreed in vain. I pulled everything, we put up. Only not so long ago everything began to improve, and he seemed to come to his senses. I have changed, become wiser, more compliant. But I can honestly say that I have not forgiven. This is not just treason, this is betrayal with a capital letter!

I think about it every day, everyone! And maybe I made a mistake. They say that only because of the children can not be together. During our quarrels, I lost 10 kg, he was even infuriated that I looked good. I let him back in and now I can’t say that the relationship is bad. We have both changed, but there is no certainty in him. I don't and won't."

I write, in general, to receive male opinion on a completely banal topic: a year ago my husband cheated on me, sometimes there are panic attacks because of the risk of a relapse.

I am now 30, beautiful, successful. Husband is 3 years older, almost the same age. They got married 7 years ago, lived another 1.5 years before marriage. When we met (at work, because we spend 80% of the time there), then both he and I had recently completed a relationship, so for a long time both me and him were overcome by former passions (calls, attempts to meet, etc.). etc.), his ex-cohabitant, for example, for 2 months simply did not stop threatening me on the phone. My husband and I moved in right away, we met for only a month - and immediately into everyday life.

At the beginning of the relationship, I did not have great passion for my husband and great fabulous love, I was just fine with him, warm. He was the complete opposite of my previous man, such a simple normal man who does not drink down on trifles, does not require you to meet any requirements, is pleased with me for who I am. At the same time, I considered myself a kind of queen (in general, everything was always in order with self-esteem) - the men always followed me in a joint, there was no problem in choosing ...

For a long time I could not forget my previous relationship, I know that this is not good for my husband, but he did not ask anything, did not demand, and I did not show it, I tried not to hurt him in this regard, I did not maintain any contact with the former , even though he wrote me an email, I changed the phone right away. She never cheated on her husband, although there were a lot of offers ...

We got married ... I remember how I stood then in wedding dress, waited for the ransom to end, and thought that now there was definitely no way back, it was scary ... Although she herself encouraged him to go down the aisle.

A year has passed. I got pregnant. For both of us, it was a blessing. In those moments, I finally began to heal from the past. I felt how my love for my husband grows every day. But my character was disgusting, I did not disdain to drank it, to play pranks and even to make fun of it (they say the truth - women are fools). It turned out to stay on maternity leave only a little less than 2 years, since my husband was laid off during the crisis, and he could not find a job for about six months, and we have loans, mortgages and blah blah blah.

I went to work, I was able to help him get a job in my company. With finances, things began to improve (literally, they stopped collecting change for bread). The husband, after the moment he was laid off at his previous job, somehow became discouraged in terms of labor exploits, stopped thinking about a career in a new place. But life went on, as they said in the film "Genius": "Life is becoming more expensive, grandmas are getting cheaper." And I, so restless, everything was not enough for me, I began to “twist” him, they say, I need to think about the promotion, but I did it all in my manner of a sawfish. Time kept passing, he didn’t have any shifts, at some point I got tired of it, I just got tired of waiting for him, and myself and him to spoil my nerves by talking about any changes. And I took the risk of changing jobs. I immediately found an excellent vacancy for a managerial position in a solid office with a salary that exceeded both his and my previous budget by more than 2 times.

With a significant influx into the budget, they immediately bought my husband what he had long wanted (great, satellite ...), went to relax, I tried to start my own business. My husband outwardly reacted to my new job calmly, but later went on a binge for a month (I’m a fool that I announced the figure of the new salary, I just don’t like to lie, or I’m a fool that I decided to change jobs at all - I don’t know now). The mother-in-law, who was sitting with her daughter, began to slowly gnaw at me on the topic that I devote little time to the child, family. For me it was a sore subject. I cried at work that I want to see my daughter more, but I didn’t know how to bring money to the family and remain a woman ...

We began to move away from him. Proximity began to occur only if we accidentally wake up at night, through a dream. I didn’t want to go home at all, my mother-in-law was waiting at home with another portion of moralizing: how exactly should I read a book to a child or how to put her to bed correctly, and if she didn’t tell me anything, she was always blacker than a cloud, as if she tolerated me in my own house (by the way, then she went to her house, did not spend the night with us). I tried to lay the problem of communication with my mother-in-law on my husband (a fool for the third time), he certainly got all this to the point of insanity.

One day, I realized that my husband had moved away from me. I tried to stop my drinking (but, alas, it was too late). For the first time, I thought about the fact that my husband could cheat on me, became more affectionate, asked to be with me more often, but they no longer heard me. I began to notice how long he could sit with his smartphone, a passion for new music appeared (Russian rap, which was generally strange for him). Every weekend he had things to do all day. Once we had a fight over a mere trifle: we began to dismantle the bed, and he did it with such an effort, then I just freaked out, sent him to sleep in the nursery. Word for word, I threw a pack of condoms at him (what was at hand - without really understanding what exactly I was throwing), to which he answered me that “I can do without them”! I flew into the nursery after him (fortunately the child was sleeping), he again sat with the phone, poking keys and smiling so disgustingly (later it turned out that at that moment he had already agreed to meet her, they had their first night together). It just blew my mind from the “chuyka”, I distinctly felt the “smell” of another woman, everything stank to her, pushed him out of the nursery so as not to wake my daughter, just attacked him like a wild cat, he fought me off as best he could. Somehow in this head over heels we had sex (exactly sex, not love).

The next day I invited him to go somewhere, confessed my love to him, looked at him with loving eyes. He accepted all this, he liked it, but he did not burn to burn. Returning home, he said that at the weekend he might go on a business trip with a colleague-friend (man). I asked not to turn off the phone, since the journey is long, and he is driving. I helped him pack his things... Already in the evening of the day he left, I could not get through to him. My "alarm" for his fidelity worked all night, just not shutting up, called him on his cell until the morning, my husband's phone was never available. In the afternoon, at 3 o’clock, he got in touch, explained that in this city he doesn’t pick up the phone (boo-ha-ha), I asked my colleague to pick up the phone, my husband started yelling at me that I was out of my mind, they say, I put him in such an awkward position in front of a colleague. I asked him to tell me exactly where he was going now, he said he would call back.

Came home cold. I didn’t say a word, I didn’t have evidence, and if I wasn’t caught, I wasn’t a thief. At home, he was not himself, he went to bed all sort of depressed, but he answered my caresses with pleasure, reached out to me himself, he just sighed deeply and sadly, said that he had a nightmare: he had a dream of darkness, and he went somewhere then leaves (where?! why?!). Because of his behavior, I began to torture him, what happened, what he got into (money? job? another woman?). He told me that he couldn’t tell me now, as he was helping one person in a very delicate matter ...

He tormented me for a week, not telling me anything really, he began to write poetry to me (the same rap that he was carried away by) with the meaning: “I love you” and “don’t let me go” (but where to let me go?! ?!!). Then I called this period "7 days of hell." There was a moment (fortunately the child was already asleep, at least I had enough brains for this), when I stood in front of him, opened a bottle of wine and drank it all (I don’t drink at all (!)) - for me it was like a liter of vodka for an adult man to drink. I only remember how I cried so that I would tell, not torment, that he did not love me, did not want more children from me, and he so carefully “proved the opposite”, confessed his love, he almost cried himself, but was silent, so nothing told. Then I remember that I was doing something in the bathroom at the toilet (probably, I called a friend - Ichthyandra), and then my husband washed me and carried me in his arms ... This has never happened in my life, probably from the outside I looked like a mop first freshness. It hurt, I thought I was going to die.

All these days I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink, in general, according to all the rules, I went crazy ... Every day he told something new about his great secret, but the “smell” of another was still in our house. I couldn't resist, I had to figure it out myself. I found out. I won’t say that it was even more painful than it had already been by that moment, but the world at my feet began to somehow suspiciously sway from side to side.

Only when I called her to just ask (without insult and reproaches): “Tell me the TRUTH”, the lady denied for a while, then cut off: “Sometimes it’s better not to know than to know” and hung up. Then she began to write to me herself, to make promises that I would not hear about her again, that she would reduce communication with my husband only to working moments (she is his colleague in another city), that we need to fight for our family, which wishes us happiness. We didn't talk to her anymore.

Only after this confession of her husband laid out everything in great detail. I met this woman at a field conference, they kissed, then they started writing off, common topics were found, she asked him to help in one issue, he, of course, agreed, went to her on the weekend, there was a period of courtship (about a month), and, well, finally started to sleep. She is my mate (comfortable - you can’t mix them up in bed), she looks very much like me - both her hair and her face shape ... I must admit, she is also beautiful and seemingly self-confident, successful woman. 5 years older than me, after a "fresh" divorce, there is a son 9 years old. The husband said that she was only less temperamental than me (I quote: "Not such a lively one").

I thought about a divorce, but the blessing was nearby best friend and my mother, both said that think a hundred times before you get a divorce, they say, look at your problem on a universal scale - well, you see? At home, I almost literally killed him, I hadn’t quarreled with him for a long time, but then I couldn’t restrain myself ... Then I just glassed exhaustedly at his feet, saying that the pain was unbearable. He himself had tears in his eyes. I imagined: here I live without him - and it became even more painful. In SMS, he tried to explain something to her about the values ​​​​of the family, etc. and so on. Then at night she wrote him a message - a link to some romantic song. It dawned on me that this star was not going to leave him despite all his assurances. I was shattered - I have to fight, because this is my Husband (I specifically write that it’s not MY husband, because it dawned on me that he doesn’t belong to me), the Father of my child, my Beloved.

Only after a couple of days it began to dawn on me that my fault was a whole pound. Only partly understanding it, I was able to take a step towards forgiveness.

A year has passed since then. We have talked a lot about this topic. Without gashes on my part, but with "snot on the fist." My pain began to more or less subside only after a few months. She continued to write to him. I went to the next conference with him and my daughter. This beautiful girl and I perfectly understood who is who, without special introductions to each other, but the conversation did not take place, and was it needed? Then she wrote to him after she saw me: “Take care of your family” (from whom?! From her?! Ahhh ...).

Faith, of course, is not enough for her husband now, but I hope that time will help? (exactly what the question is). He changed during this year, became more attentive, even began to give flowers without a festive occasion. He filled up with expensive gifts. We often confess our love to each other. And the first time after reconciliation, I practically sucked all the “proteins” out of him (if you know what I mean): in the morning, and before going to bed, and at night, and more than once (after 1.5 months of such a sex attack, he even sometimes shied away from me). I tortured him with intimacy until I became pregnant, I was glad of my pregnancy. Now the doctors tell me to be careful, but even in this position (without my active participation) I help him relax (it was forbidden to me, not to him). Yes, and I changed radically, something clicked in my brain. If earlier, for example, he could come home drunk, it annoyed me (he annoyed me), but now I’m just glad that he came home so “fun” with a smile on his face, happy that we are happy to see him.

Now I’m sitting at home pregnant with my daughter (I took a vacation at my own expense until the decree). I immediately became tense with money, and at first I remembered the old habit of sawing, but then it passed, I pulled myself together, and the problem of lack of money seemed not such a problem ...

Recently he had this retreat again for 2 days, and there she was. When he arrived, he told me that they had talked, that they had determined that everyone had their own life, that they didn’t need to shy away from each other, because what happened, it happened, he said that even then they drank in the same company, sitting side by side ( which seems to be innocent). At first I reacted calmly, but when he told me that she sincerely worries about our family, and then she called him on some minor issue, I was again covered with pain and resentment. So why lie to yourself? What kind of friendship can there be? They already have the status of "former lovers", and it can only be changed to "active lovers". I tried to explain to him that I could not even accept just “how are you” in their dialogues. In general, she said that the past betrayal is the mistake in which I tried to understand him, support him, because everyone can make mistakes, but I won’t pull him out of this dirt a second time. By the way, I’ll say that after asking him if he would forgive me if I cheated on him, he said no, and at that moment when everything turned out a year ago, he even packed his things (he said that he would have left because for conscience, nowhere) that only I myself stopped him.

In general, why did I write a whole story here? I'm just afraid of a relapse of repeated betrayal, there is no faith. Tell me, men, do all men really cheat, and if they did, do they all repeat it again? The wound is still bleeding, liters of snot have already poured out ... Of course, I won’t die physically, and there is someone to live for - these are children and myself, but going through it a second time is too sickening and scary ...

And one more problem. Sometimes I imagine before my eyes (close-up like this): his buttocks, rhythmically contracting in such a way during sexual intercourse, and two female legs on the sides, swaying in the same rhythm ... All this until vomiting ... Am I completely star-struck? Advise, people (!) how to turn off this movie?! There is no money for a psychologist now. Thanks in advance to everyone for the advice! If anyone has an opinion that I'm a complete idiot, well, in some ways, they'll probably be right. I will read your messages until the first insult or swearing (forgive me for being strict 🙂).

Do you believe in history?

True 0 Not true 0

    2013-11-07T01:58:12+00:00

    2013-11-07T00:52:35+00:00

    Mila, hello, I have a very similar situation and, painfully, experiences with yours, will you answer my letter with an offer to talk?

    2013-11-05T12:14:54+00:00

    Free-Will,

    [email protected]

    2013-11-05T09:20:36+00:00

    Hello, second time today.

    A friend greets me a second time. I tell him, "Yes, hello. We already said hello today." He (thoughtfully) - "It's better to say hello twice than to get hit in the forehead once."))

    You say that you were flooded and you "went to the dressing". But did the husband give a reason? Or are you for prevention?

    2013-10-31T10:11:05+00:00

    10:30. +10000000000))))))))))

    2013-10-30T11:30:24+00:00

    Guest Tina.

    Thank you from everyone loving husbands and fathers. Warriors and plowmen. From your son (if there is or will be) for good words. A kind word and a cat is pleased. And a man is not only at the top of the food chain, but on one of the top lines in terms of intellect. We not only love you, not as much as dogs of course, but no less than donkeys, but we are also sad for you. The world is not set up fairly. Could nature have created for you at least some kind of overwhelmed male person. But no, for some reason she didn’t get generous. We have to be content with animals. The only consolation is that from copulation with this animal, not only animal-boys are born, but also people-girls. But there is also positive side. The animal world is diverse. There is a choice. By the way, which animals do you prefer?

    2013-10-30T01:48:17+00:00

    what a youth you are! I call people like you wise women! You should not be afraid that he will cheat on you again, if he wanted this, then he would not have stayed with you and you would not have done Lyalka. Try to let go of the situation .. Men are animals, and yet they are led by a different animal instinct. And you are a smart girl that you decided to save your family. Love to you and patience!

    Calmly explain to your husband that you find it difficult to trust him. Let him put himself in your place - what would he feel, would he find similar sms and mms. Would you be silent with a rag and pay no attention?

    Who is she at all, with what fright does she send her "in a negligee" to your husband?

    And yet - if his behavior is above suspicion, as they say, "always in touch" and there are no more signs, one would like to hope that there was no betrayal. Everything can be.

    2013-10-26T15:50:02+00:00

    Mila, so I realized that time heals! there are so many thoughts in my head, about the self-assessment, you are right, it collapsed to -0! I even told him about it! the same, in the same place! my friend had a good time, she quickly enlightened me! I tell him, it means you are untying my hands! you can, why can’t I ????? !!! and I don’t need anyone, I don’t want to! I love him, but he apparently uses it!

    2013-10-26T15:26:19+00:00

    I began to say that it seemed to you, etc.! but I saw everything myself !!! these photos (in a dressing gown, in shorts, she says: what am I ??? She sent it herself! we didn’t have anything!) fortunately or unfortunately I’m not 16 years old))) or maybe I would have believed it !!! I clearly remember that moment, the earth was gone from under my feet! and I don’t understand if there was love, I didn’t even understand, that is, I always took the tube he spends the night at home, he doesn’t stay at work! how ??? probably at dinner he jumped like an animal ??? now he avoids talking on these topics in every possible way, I see it infuriates him! he doesn’t confess, no, that’s all !!! but it’s tearing me apart from the inside! I’m ready to forgive him, only his pure, sincere! I don’t know what to do, I understand that the berries will come later ....

    2013-10-26T13:13:59+00:00

    Guest 9:27, I will add .. You need to immediately place the dots on i. Didn’t manage to pin him to the wall and he didn’t confess? Then he probably wants to nullify everything and the “educational moment” will be missed - he will learn for himself that it is SO possible with you. It is necessary to deal with this issue - for example, to say that you do not believe, and offended so that the second time will not work. He stopped - what did he say? Like, did you dream? Then wait for the next time. Their skin must experience the same torment as ours, then there is the option of "healing". But after that - overcome yourself, no need for poking. A person cannot live a normal life when, as a schoolboy, he is being "worked through" all the time. And all this if you know for yourself that you want to be with him.

    2013-10-26T12:29:01+00:00

    Guest at 9:27

    "Poked" probably the first one - two weeks after she found out (until she made the final decision that there would be no divorce). But we agreed with him, as soon as it hits me again, we will discuss it. So, for the first month, maybe longer, they talked almost every evening (without insults, accusations, reproaches, but my tears and torment, and his words about asking for forgiveness, it was). Then such a "garden-maza" began to be repeated once a week, then less and less ... And now it rolls (mostly on some specific occasion, such as his next business trip) and now he patiently endures all this. For my part, I have tabooed jokes, jokes, such reminders of her and this whole situation (and even more so insults), in simple everyday life. And from the very beginning she warned him that he would have to tinker with me, that it would not be easy ....

    realizing that it’s still a brain drain on my part, I try my best to restrain myself, but my husband sees my depression at such moments (fortunately they are rare) and starts asking me himself ..

    2013-10-26T10:27:07+00:00

    Mila, tell me! after all that you have experienced, do you poke your husband with this on occasion ??? it’s just that I’m having a difficult period now (I found mms, sms) it was very painful and hard, tears, snot, requests to at least explain something! at first I thought I’ll beat attacked him like a cobra, then she began to collect things, stopped, in general, now I poke him ..... I understand that it’s not worth it, that it’s not right, but the pain and resentment that they planted you below the plinth is something! I don’t know how forget it all!

    2013-10-24T09:12:19+00:00

    Hello Mila. I read your very detailed answer given to me yesterday, thank you, I'm impressed, that's why I'm here.

    Your topic seemed to me even more significant than mine. I don’t know if I could fight for my husband like that, or, as you say, “it would be easier to quit, to hell.” After your words that it is much easier to quit than to figure it out, I realized that this is my case, and therefore I will try to look at myself differently. Through the prism, so to speak, of your vision.

    You are smart. Thank you.

    2013-10-15T02:40:07+00:00

    ahahha, but you can also crap yourself in a dream, since you don’t control yourself?

    a nightmare, and then they wonder why the husbands cheat on the wife. Now everything is clear. this is how you love a person, love, idolize him, and then one day your half suddenly doesn’t control himself once - and that’s it, your love is broken, you saw a monster behind a mask

    2013-10-15T02:18:31+00:00

    Have you been sinning with versification for a long time? Just a monument to the lifak. Or did you quote your favorite poet?

    You were talking about farting and snoring in your sleep, not in reality.

    A woman comes to the market for a herring. Approaches a Caucasian selling fish and asks: "Do you have fresh herring?" The one: "Kaneshchno fresh." The woman sniffs and asks: "Why does it stink so much?". He: "Uh, listen, do you control yourself when you sleep?"

    When you sleep, do you control yourself? I can assume that either yes, since they are still alive, or the one who wakes up next to you at night is uncultured and does not shoot you.

    2013-10-15T01:49:37+00:00

    the author of 23:51 is good, consider that I have an impoverished soul, it will not decrease from me. I don't make my life difficult. and I don't like poetic nonsense and any Lenten philosophy. I do not waste on empty words, I prove love by deed, and you, as I understand it, talk more. looks like a verse:

    look, my love, the stars
    as a sign of loyalty to you
    and we will live in this house
    from old chips and shit

    author 00:19 he will need to shoot me. it's disgusting, I can't stand it, and the person who does this is associated with me forever with intestinal gases. this is incivility, as well as biting your nails, blowing your nose loudly, and so on from the cycle "in the animal world." if someone has a very high voltage, you can move away from people and do all your business, pick where you need to, and so on. or in your family is this the norm, as Malysheva says?

    2013-10-15T01:19:21+00:00

    Guest 22:04.

    Interesting. And if the one who is next to you wakes up in the middle of the night and hears you farting and snoring, will he need to be touched or will he need to be upset ??? Or do you warn in advance that you would not pay attention?

    2013-10-15T00:51:01+00:00

    Guest 22:04

    Although lol, at least not lol, but about the impoverishment of the soul (you can replace this word with nature), I was right. The high capacity to love oneself to the point of self-delusion is the cause. And you say like: "I'm an old soldier. I don't know the words of love..."

    You are too "carried away" by life hacking. A life hack is a simplification of a separate process, but not a primitivization of life in general. I drank and wrote. Ate by...

    2013-10-14T23:39:30+00:00

    2013-10-14T23:25:32+00:00

    Just now, the husband cheered up, began to make plans for work and other issues. In general, the situation with those who "produce" has changed a few months ago, since I am now at home.

    However, in what I do not agree - I will not look for a job for him. I already did it once, I think this time is enough. Of course, my hands are itching, but if I start dealing with this issue myself (even carefully, so as not to offend him), then it will still be my initiative, not his, and perhaps this will be regarded as pressure on my part. I do not want this, moreover, I see his efforts to create comfortable conditions for me and the absence of attempts to impose something on me ... In any case, thank you very much for your opinion!

    2013-10-14T23:04:09+00:00

    post at 14:06 I wrote.

    to the author of the post at 18:55 - I have a high ability to love. myself. it's not selfishness, it's self-respect. I don't hate anyone. about the impoverishment of my soul - well, it’s just lol) if love blinds your eyes and you like to wake up in the middle of the night and look with emotion at your farting and snoring spouse, then I’m sorry.

    I already voiced the formula ideal family: the husband is the earner, the wife is the keeper of the hearth, sucking squirrels. why reinvent the wheel and hit philosophy? here's a life hack for you, it won't be any other way. if a man is not able to earn money, if the wife earns more, then problems begin right there, haven't you noticed? or if the wife does not fucking do housework - again scandals. Yes, because it is impossible otherwise, the roles in the family were clearly distributed thousands of years ago.

    Mile - I see that you are a smart woman and do not need anyone's advice. but I assure you, as soon as everyone in your family takes their roles, the situation will change. as soon as your husband has a good job, he will feel like a support for the family, he will understand that you need him - and everything will change immediately. and now he can feel on a subconscious level that since he is not a breadwinner, then you don’t need him, and, out of desperation, change him. This male psychology, remember about the fragile ego) therefore, use all your strength now to find a good job for your husband and you will see that everything will change immediately. good luck to you.

    2013-10-14T20:22:04+00:00

    As I wrote above, in a difficult hour I was supported by 2 of my beloved and dear ones: my mother and girlfriend. I would not trust others, since these 2 women are generous, able to love, and therefore forgive. At that moment, a fire was burning in me, I could incinerate everything around me if I had not restrained myself. Then it was much easier to quit everything than to delve into why everything happened this way. It was they who talked to me literally like with a small child, calmly asking and explaining what and how. I listened to them because it was obvious - I'm insane and I can break firewood on a hot head.

    My desire for frequent intimacy with my husband after the incident was not caused by fear because of his possible departure, I just saw him as if for the first time, and all the tenderness that had accumulated and not given to him before poured out on him overnight ...

    something like this.

    in general, the fact that women are "stupid" I would paraphrase on the next. thought: a woman is either terrible, what a fool, or charming, what a stupid thing. I really hope I'm cute :)

    2013-10-14T19:55:19+00:00

    If a woman wrote at 14:06, then apparently she is deeply unhappy. Even more unfortunate than those who cheated on her husband. And her misfortune is in her head. The other is unreadable. It is difficult to explain, but she has a very impoverished soul. Like a wife/man hater. Low ability to love and high to hate. Hence the emotional deprivation. She cannot give love herself and in return does not receive the love she counts on. It would seem easier to get rid of the great and the husband along with him, than to deduce a whole theory of male ... Elevate your failure into the law of life in general.

    There are many divorces not because someone is not silent and does not please. And from not understanding what a family is. Both or one side. Selfishness.

    2013-10-14T19:54:46+00:00

    Here are the women joining in!

    2013-10-14T19:20:45+00:00

    Yes, it’s clear that she’s a woman, and she’s right, otherwise something makes Munechka sick, it seems to me that Munechka, “I already wrote,” was invented. Although I already wrote, I don’t want to offend. Someone decided to revive this post.

    2013-10-14T18:34:00+00:00

    It is not clear whether a man wrote or a woman, the last comment.

    2013-10-14T15:06:38+00:00

    Yeah. after reading here these funny stories about betrayal, we can conclude: for men to have sex with anyone - what to drink water. and they do it because they have an extremely fragile ego, they just need to assert themselves. a woman should not reprimand her husband, even if he doesn’t do shit, doesn’t earn money, rides the bike that his wife bought him all day, watches cable, which the wife pays for, while the wife still has to “suck all the proteins out of him” and blow the dust off of it. otherwise, he will go to fuck whores, because he cannot demonstrate his male core in another way. and the wife has nowhere to go, she has a child, she is 30 years old, half her life has already passed, besides, she became pregnant again, hoping for no one knows what miracle. and now she must cherish her husband's miserable ego, silently endure lack of money, constantly sucking squirrels. and if not, then he will leave, there are a lot of divorcees around with children who are not averse to having sex. while his wife will take care of his children.

    why are women so dumb? they live side by side with men for more than one thousand years and still have not figured out what's what. to study male habits, just look at your father. this will be enough to assess your strengths and decide - you are ready to remain silent all your life, in no way expressing your dissatisfaction (for imaginary or obvious reasons), to give birth to children, cook borscht, earn money for bikes and cable, and suck squirrels.

    that is why there are so many divorces, women are not ready to be silent, and men cannot please them (often they simply cannot be men, not worthless rags). after 10 years of marriage, people simply tolerate each other, and this is normal, it has always been like this, at all times, but not everyone can demonstrate such titanic patience

    2013-10-11T18:02:07+00:00

    K (I already wrote)

    Oh, and if systematically, then I would have been covered more and I don’t even imagine my future behavior ... Although I was younger, I thought my husband would cheat - kirdyk to him))), but in practice this is how it turned out.

    After all that had happened, she explained to her husband that if the opportunity repeats, I definitely won’t be able to restore faith after the second take, even if I really want to, and what is life without faith? Go crazy and bully him with "where is he?", "who is he with" and "how long do we have before the third incident"? She said that maybe I would love him further, that I wouldn’t say a bad word about dad to the children, but there would be no life together.

    but they say that to forgive a second time is generosity ... (And they say the third time is stupidity).

    re-reading myself, I understand that I’m preparing for this second time ((((and I know that this is bad and I don’t know what to do with it yet. I love him, he proves me (by his actions), an excellent father, a daughter from dads are crazy, and I (in my dark corners) are preparing for a relapse... Fool?

    as if I had broken the chain, I am learning English, because I remembered that during the last job search I had to dismiss a couple of good offers. I, like you, have been working since my youth, with a career pah-pah, both bosses and subordinates love me, when I said that I was going on a long vacation, the people already shed a tear, nice ...)) I won’t be left without a piece of bread)

    You once wrote that you earn more than your husband, is it in a figurative or literal sense? If the latter, then tell us how you presented it and how he relates to it. I ask, because (presumably) having left my vacation by that time, my salary will still be more than his (my husband recently received an increase in income at his current place, but the diversity of our incomes is still large, he does not intend to look for another job in the near future, because he is valued here, and his industry is risky in terms of changing jobs during a crisis).

    2013-10-11T17:22:08+00:00

    K (I already wrote)

    He didn’t leave with me (there was a moment, he collected the bag, and so it stood for several more days not dismantled until the weekend, and he got things out of it as needed, and by the weekend it (the bag) was empty).

    this is the first time we have, there were moments in the first couple of years of marriage when I discovered him flirting with other ladies ((but nothing serious.

    I don't drink anymore.

    I read your comments on another topic, you are great, risky, straightforward, but well done.)

    2013-10-11T17:07:15+00:00

    The night cuckoo cuckoos the day cuckoo. Is he with you? With you? No, he didn't leave, he didn't leave. Don't drink at all. Did he cheat on you once, or systematically? (Sorry for the question)

    2013-10-10T11:37:42+00:00

    Free-Will And you, boy, turned out to be right. I also thought, I even thought of something that wasn’t there, then I told my husband, and he puffed his eyes at me, then he stopped telling me about her. He says that from one dropped word I immediately have a vivid image and the episode is drawn. I also thought that I would go to the wrong place, but now everything is fine, only my husband doesn’t tell me anything else to all the questions, what and how, he answers: “I don’t remember, you you flip everything."

    2013-10-09T20:09:43+00:00

    I give.))) And so he led his hand.)))

    2013-10-09T20:02:57+00:00

    To (Free-Will)

    Without sarcasm - it's cool (in the sense - aerobatics).

    in my life I noticed a tendency when you are afraid, how many troubles later only from fear, but nothing has happened yet. You have to learn to relax at certain moments. When my husband was going to this conference (in present tense), he told me “the main thing is not to panic”)), this is on the condition that, in general, we didn’t have a “preparatory” conversation.

    2013-10-09T19:53:02+00:00

    Yes, and you know what it's like. I already knew that I had a remedy and was, as it were, calm. If something, I can always use it, checked. And as a result, I vooooobsche ceased to be "afraid" of such situations. And he began to make more informed decisions, without "panic".

    Only you are pregnant.

    According to my rough estimates, the wife's bad temper, at 70 percent, is the trigger for their husbands to cheat on them. Wives push themselves. Yes, and you, and anyone can be convinced of this by looking closely. When you do not want to go home, then the husband has either vodka, or a woman, or both, and other divorces. Yes, and for evil. Moreover, they themselves are not "looking for a woman", but they are "found".

    When a husband is in a state of affect or effect from his wife's peculiar "concerns", he can be "taken" with his bare hands. One smile, washed down by her husband may be enough. And then "soup with a cat" begins. Then "scientific works", statistics. Who, to whom and how much. But unlike you, most people do not understand this. And you clearly put everything in its place. Therefore, such, not fake, respect for you. RARE from the Red Book.

    About relapse. According to your description of the spouse, relapse is not visible. You yourself said that that one is "almost a copy" of you. It means that he was “hiding” not from you, but from a hacksaw. And mind you, I didn’t stoop to any, but chose in the image and likeness.)))

    About cinema. Or maybe let it spin, huh? To keep the cerebellum under control.))) There is only one face you know, the husband's butt.)))

    I have one for me good way get rid of such thoughts. True, I did not encounter treason, but losses, like everyone else, were. It helped me. As a rule, we drive thoughts of grief away from ourselves. But they are returning. We drive, and they plan to "kill" us. I don't drive. I think about it all the time. Insomnia, no opetitis, torment, withdrawal, but I think, I think. Then comes fatigue. The body wants to sleep and eat. Then extraneous thoughts appear. But I - "Wait a minute. Don't get distracted. And again I think, I think ...". After a while ... you really get tired and get tired of thinking about it and ... the path to a brighter future is free. Simply put, I concentrate the entire severity of the event in a short time period, the load is decent. And therefore, this is not advice, just an example. I'm mentally stable and I can handle it. Well, how does anyone have it "mobile". It is possible not to "return" ... and to the present.

    I agree with the wishes of others. And on my own, to endure and give birth to a healthy child and not get sick myself. .

    2013-10-09T17:41:29+00:00

    "how wonderful that there are men who can be faithful." the most beautiful thing is that there are women like you sweet.thank you!

    2013-10-09T17:06:36+00:00

    To avenge treason for treason I think is fundamentally wrong. Firstly, this is revenge, and revenge will not give the expected peace. Secondly, having survived betrayal, I know how painful it is, I don’t wish this on my enemy, and even more so on my loved one. And thirdly - then the family will definitely not be saved, the husband may simply not endure this, there will be no more life together.

    2013-10-09T15:38:32+00:00

    Believe me, there are many faithful men. And it’s easy to be faithful. You just need to love and be loved. And the grumpiness of wives ..... well, what can you do. someone accepts everything as it is, and someone breaks down. your husband is not a criminal. he simply did not find any other way out in this situation. perhaps there was not enough wisdom and patience. but this does not mean that you need to put an end to him. everything will be fine with you Just look. Just don’t take revenge on him with your betrayal. Because he may not have enough of your wisdom. Happiness to your family. You deserve it dear!

    2013-10-09T14:45:40+00:00

    K (Aleksey)

    You are great for holding on, and in the place with the situation, it seems to me that we need to change before you still do something, because you may get tired of knocking on a closed door.

    Surely you tried to talk to your wife, and perhaps this was enough for a while (I only judge by myself). The whole problem is that, for example, I stopped understanding at some point that if my husband is next to me today, then this is his choice, and no one can influence him in this (for example, I, by force) can’t, that it’s his for me attention needs to be appreciated, every day.

    Thank you very much for your words! How wonderful that there are men who can be faithful to their loved ones.

    2013-10-09T14:38:39+00:00

    Mila thank you very much and the fact that there are such girls and mothers of future children! Love and be loved! I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart!

    2013-10-09T14:33:18+00:00

    K (In Search of Happiness)

    thank you for your kind words. You are absolutely right, it’s better for your wife not to be like the woman I was “before”, otherwise it will bring you to a heart attack :((

    I am very sorry that I was able to understand all this only after being hit on the head with a hammer, I regret that there was no less painful way.

    I sincerely wish you happiness and understanding in the family. It seemed to me that you lack support not only from your wife, but also from people close to you. Namely, they saved me, supported me. But for support, I chose kind people, not embittered, who know how to love and forgive.

    Of course, I won’t be able to meet with you, I think you will understand me, but I’ll try to help with my humble advice, if it suits your situation. Either way, don't shut yourself up!

    2013-10-09T13:48:30+00:00

    By the way, I also really want my wife to be like you, well, only like this since the moment when he began to write SMS to HER with a smirk! From now on, I would like you to be like my wife. You have changed and improved a lot. And you are amazing in that you admit your mistakes. You are well done. Happiness to you! But I still want to talk to you and even more to ask you for advice. because you and I are very similar in character, although I am a guy and you are a girl.

    2013-10-09T13:33:34+00:00

    you are an amazing woman. for the first time I see a woman who admits her guilt in what happened. I have a similar situation. .because of the possibilities of the sea.but I hold on.more not even because of her, but because of myself.you have to respect yourself.I would like my wife to be like you.I agree with Pavel about the relapse.there will be no relapse.100%. your husband is not a walker, it’s immediately obvious. what happened is just a mistake. I want to wish you happiness, dear. everything will work out. and just turn this picture out of your head. and is waiting.

    2013-10-09T12:02:54+00:00

    Mila, I will probably start an electronic mail (left), I just don’t want to write my own so as not to burn. And I'll write you the address and we'll write to you. I just want to talk. Right now I have exactly the same psychological problem that you described at the end of your letter.

    2013-10-09T11:59:12+00:00

    That's how a woman is. What a wonderful wife you are! You are just great. I am a man and I bow to you. When I read your story to the end, I so wanted to talk to you face-to-face, confidentially. Because we are somewhat similar in nature. And in my family with my wife there are some psychological problems, I didn’t cheat on her and I’m not going to go there from her side there is no understanding. And I don't know who to ask for advice either. I just won’t write anything here, because I understand that you can’t describe the whole situation, it’s not clear who will write something and it’s kind of a shame to tell everything because it’s personal. But I would trust you with pleasure, I would meet and SIMPLY talk heart to heart, purely humanly. =(but you are probably far away... =(

    2013-10-09T11:21:36+00:00

    Paul, thank you for your support.

    2013-10-09T10:59:18+00:00

    Good day. I’ll start by saying what a fine fellow you are, that you write truthfully, including about yourself. And that you value your family and fight for it. Apparently, your husband is not a walker by nature, so you should not worry about a relapse. Your husband just at some point after drinking down decided for himself that he could not see the meaning of life in a happy family circle. And then a woman from work with a well-developed sense of smell made a fuss, realized that he was a good man and began to give him care and tenderness. They say leave the family, you are unhappy there. He apparently did not want to, but the drinking was getting stronger ... Your husband is one of those people who will not go to the left, because it itches. You understood everything in time, and here you have great respect from me - you have changed for the better. After all, few women will endure and remain faithful if their husband beats and insults constantly, finds fault and disrespects her. After all, family is mutual respect, love, loyalty

    2013-10-09T10:31:14+00:00

    Oh, mother, how much has been written! I'll read for dinner!

Now discussing

3 153 Stories from our users posted on the site
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Living together after the betrayal of her husband is not honey. Every woman who is faced with the betrayal of a faithful knows this. The first thought is to save the family. But how? Forgive? Reconcile? What if neither of these helps?

Then how to live after the betrayal of her husband? Tips in similar situation giving is difficult. To understand whether a good deed to save a marriage is preparing a new trap, you need to put everything on the shelves.

Is it even possible for a family to live after infidelity?

From childhood we are taught to forgive, not to accumulate resentment in ourselves.

But no one tells how to turn a blind eye to the infidelity of her husband, who continues to "campaign to the left" and does not repent at the same time.

Remission of sins to a convinced reveler will lead to only one thing - to the legitimization of his adventures. He will perceive the forgiveness suffered by his wife as her surrender. Keeping him after that will be just as impossible as answering the question: how to live after the betrayal of her husband, who was actually given a "ticket to fornication"?

A husband who has received a hasty indulgence will not think about saving the family. He will have another problem: how many women is it more convenient for him to have on the side - two, three or a whole harem?

What is the risk of living together after infidelity?

Not a single woman is able to forget deceit and betrayal. Having forgiven her husband with her mind, she will not be able to carry out the same “operation” in her heart. This means that attacks of jealousy and surveillance of the unfaithful cannot be avoided by her.

Often, family life after infidelity turns into a real torture for both spouses. She will be overcome by suspicions for any reason: why did he put on a new shirt? who called him at night looking? where did you sharpen your skis on the weekend? He, too, will suffer, feeling like a loser, out of trust and forced to make excuses for every little thing.

rare married couple withstand this pressure.

More often, a woman's patience bursts. She becomes the initiator of the break.

Less often, a man gives in to home “totalitarianism”: realizing that nothing good lies ahead, he leaves his family.

Women should know that there are two types of male deceivers: those who are truly penitent and those who show guilt. Consider first the first type of cheating husbands.

Life after the betrayal of a husband who is truly repentant

We note right away that such a phenomenon is rather an exception than a rule. Such men immediately recognize the fact of treason. True, even they usually need an encouraging pendel from their wife in the form of a divorce threat.

The more clearly a woman expresses the reality of her intention, the more actively the delinquent will earn his second chance.

This manifests itself in a touching tolerance towards a jealous wife: detailed reports of delays at work, an unflappable attitude towards “interrogations with predilection”, meek provision of access to SMS.

With such super-loyalty of a man, the opportunity to maintain marriage bonds is quite real. There is only one snag here: how to live after the betrayal of a husband who truly repented, but ten years later was again caught in adultery? Unfortunately, this happens quite often.

Many women, having a positive experience of forgiveness, are in no hurry to expel their spouse in this situation. The drama of the position of a secondarily devoted wife is brightened up by memories of " best years”, lived after the first betrayal. After all, the repentant husband groomed and protected like no one else. In addition, in ten years, children brought up in a complete and prosperous family managed to grow up.

Life after the betrayal of her husband, defiantly repentant

The ostentatious feeling of guilt in a man is very similar to sincere. The same tears and kissing of hands, the same sworn assurance that “this will not happen again”, the same tirade on the topic “I'm with you - what kind of evidence do you need, you fool?”.

The only difference is that the ostentatious soul will not change. Not necessarily immediately after exposure, he will run on dates. Some prudently lay low until the storm subsides.

But there is no doubt: after some time, everything will return to normal again. Only such a man will not endure attacks of jealousy of his wife and allow control over himself.

He will either spit and leave, or start cheating openly, "legalizing" the passion on the side. At the same time, the cheater can become obedient to such an extent that he refuses to divorce the unfortunate wife, insisting on bed relations with her. Sex with a wife for a ladies' man is an additional source of energy and a way to strengthen self-esteem.

The woman will first try to put pressure on the pity and conscience of the simulator. Then, seeing that the exhortations do not affect him, he will reconcile himself and begin to automatically forgive the deceiver, they say, he will go crazy - he will calm down.

Another version of events is also possible. It is characteristic of families where a man is not particularly arrogant. This is easier to go into a binge than to solve the dilemma: wife or mistress? In friendship with the green serpent, he gains illusory freedom.

The prospects for marriage in all the cases described are far from rosy. The only one who is able to break the vicious relationship is a mistress. To do this, she needs to be so decisive that she personally appears for a weak-willed man, take him in an armful and take him to her home.

After the betrayal of the husband, most families do not part, but continue to coexist. What can you do, our women have been taught since childhood that it is better to forgive than to accumulate hatred in oneself. But in fact, most often it happens that two years or even more have passed after adultery, and you are still blown away. Therefore, it is worth talking about how to live after the betrayal of her husband.

When is it worth forgiving and moving on, and when is it not?

Much depends on whether the husband is truly repentant, or just pretending. They rarely truly repent. This can be determined by the fact that he himself admits the fact of his betrayal. In addition, he is tolerant of jealousy, which his wife will definitely have. He tells in detail why he stayed at his job and endures any interrogations, he allows you to read text messages on his phone and so on. He will treat you with care and take care of you.

If the traitor's repentance is ostentatious, he will have the same tears and assurances of fidelity, but there is one point. In two years, or maybe in five years, but everything will return to normal and the walker will again go after other people's women. This one is unlikely to tolerate control and jealousy, and this will be noticeable immediately. Is it possible to live with such a person? You can if you don't love yourself. It is better to end such a relationship immediately.

You can, of course, threaten with a divorce and even file documents right away, this will rein him in, but if he is unfaithful in itself, run. Or be patient for the rest of your life.

How to start living immediately after infidelity

Both will have to rebuild their lives. To do this, you can do this.

Firstly, it is the spouse who has taken a walk that must take the initiative in reconciliation. Feel free to name out loud the real reasons for conflicts or betrayal. This will help to identify your problems and scope of work.

Secondly, be sure to formalize your reconciliation in writing and follow all the points of this agreement.

Further, your task is to relieve stress after such an unpleasant event. This can be done with the help of a celebration associated with reconciliation, the purchase of new rings, honeymoon trip if you didn't have it. You can get married if you haven't already. There are other options such as:

  • Your professional photo session;
  • hike;
  • Doing something extreme.

The main thing is to knock out a wedge with a wedge and replace the negative emotion with something else, but positive.
The next point is a little more difficult. For the next two years (or a year), you don't remind each other of the betrayal. Just put this tragedy in the archive. Grinding over this situation only fuels the memories, and negative memories sap our energy.

In addition, you clone them endlessly, which means you create the possibility of a repetition of the tragedy. If you find it difficult to get out of these memories, a therapist can help you. you can try different types psychotherapy: thanatotherapy, dance and many others.

There are many modern methods of dealing with negative memories, but your task is to give them to the past, which is no longer there. Also, do not share this trouble constantly with others. Still, burying her with a psychotherapist is more effective.

The third point is also important. Both of you, if you are into this, should stop flirting in virtual reality and having virtual sex with a stranger. Virtual betrayal is the same negativity and pain as the real one.

Next item. If over the years of family life you have not found common goals, now is the perfect time for them. For men, unlike their wives, the family is not an end in itself, so you need to live with something else in common. Know that all men by goals are divided into several categories:

  • Hero (aka officer). In wartime, a career is important to him, in peacetime - children and a prosperous life. Such people often perform feats like extreme activities or are actively involved in sports;
  • Careerist. His task is a good reputation and increasing his social status, as well as building a career for his entire family;
  • Businessman. Everything is clear here;
  • Common man. Its purpose is simple - comfort during rest, work in the garage, barbecue, football, sofa, cottage. They like to work with their hands, but the efforts in life are not theirs;
  • Informal. He's just a rebel, opposing himself to the whole world. Often these are large teenagers;
  • Creative. The goal is self-realization in art;
  • Playboy. He just loves a beautiful life and extreme sports. It is better not to get involved with such people at all, because in their life there is both crime and a craving for suppression and domestic tyranny. If he does not realize himself, then he becomes an ordinary husband-drone or an alcoholic.

So, their goals are your goals too. Support the creative and create conditions for him to create, go in for sports with a hero, follow football life with an inhabitant, etc. They are unlikely to exchange such a wife for a new one and for other purposes.

Point five. The family should have complete financial transparency. Often, betrayal is provoked not so much by sexual activity or instinct as extra money. No, you do not need to climb into the wallet and monitor all its finances. The following rules suffice:

  • You must know each other's income figures;
  • Any big purchases it can only be done with the absolute consent of both halves;
  • Agree on a limit on the money you both spend on entertainment and personal care, as well as on leisure activities separately from each other;
  • Plan your budget weekly and monthly.

Point six. Set aside home neighborhood and live together actively outside your apartment. Today there are so many hobby options that you are sure to find something that can be interesting to do together. And it doesn't matter if it's extreme sports or pigeon breeding. Do this at least once every seven days and you definitely will not be bored. Well, look for the same friends with the same interests. The presence or absence of money in the family should not affect this either. It is important that children are also involved in this hobby. By the way, this also has a good effect on intimate activity.

Point seven. It is important for you to deal with the regulation of the number of conflicts in your couple. Without them, the family also does not develop, but you can agree on a couple of minor conflicts in a month and on one serious one, no more. You can fine each other if this limit is exceeded.

You can’t quarrel in front of relatives, when going out into public places, in front of your friends and guests, after drinking and before one of you goes to a crowded place alone.

In addition, one should not use offensive words and recall past family mistakes, scold each other's relatives or friends, change the form of addressing a partner in a quarrel and say that this quarrel is the last one. Well, of course, it is forbidden to use violence during a conflict, and also after (or during a conflict) to flirt with someone in spite of someone else.

Point eight. Even if you don’t have a hobby, try to spend your free time with just the two of you. All week you are at work and difficulties, and on weekends you go to visit parents and friends who are not common? Then he will definitely change more than once.

On weekends and holidays, you should be working on mental comfort in your family, not running away. This is the only way you can communicate with your soulmate in an interesting and sincere way, and this is one of the whales of a friendly family.

Be sure to call back when you leave work and report that you are moving home. Upon your return, be sure to take a shower to remove all the negativity of the day from yourself.

Do not start communication in the evening after work with negativity at home and with criticism. It is better to discuss all this after dinner. Well, be sure to discuss common topics with each other, be it mutual friends, football, world events, etc. Do this at least four or five times a week.

Laugh together. This is point eight, by the way. It is possible without a TV or a computer in a gum club on YouTube. Just remember funny situations in life, ridiculous stories that happened to you, etc. Laughter and family life prolongs. Laugh daily and you will see each other as a source of positivity. If you have talent, make each other laugh.

Try to spend one hour (or half) together in the absence of children. It is not easy for men to constantly contact them, even though they love their sons or daughters no less than their wives. It’s good if you take the baby for at least thirty minutes with something, while you yourself lie on the couch and chat with each other. If the child is very young, do this while he sleeps.

It is also important to build relationships with people around your family after the betrayal. Let the children see that you are doing well. To do this, you can show tenderness to each other with them, hugging or kissing. Let the husband’s mother rejoice that you are improving your husband’s life and taking care of him. Try to make the relationship with his parents warm.

Another important people is the husband's company. Do not quarrel if his friends do not suit you. These are his brothers and associates. Can you suggest an alternative. Of course it doesn't have to be yours. beautiful girlfriends. Get to know other families better and spend time together from time to time. Do not become isolated in each other, otherwise he will definitely want to go left.

And finally, change yourself and experiment with appearance. Let him think that he sleeps with different women, and not with one for many years.

All of the above does not mean that all the work to improve life after infidelity lies only with you. But know that any husband needs a muse, otherwise it's boring.

A few centuries ago, despite the freedom of morals in some social circles, women could not even think about getting away from their cheating husbands - perhaps to a monastery or to the scaffold.

Now the situation has changed, and now every woman, unless she is associated with a man, has some terrible secrets, there is always a choice - to forgive betrayal and stay or leave.

Passion.ru will tell you how to make the right decision so that you don't regret what you did later.

Natasha and Boris lived together for 5 years. Their life was cheerful, interesting and full of vivid impressions. Everything was fine until one day Natasha had an accident and ended up in the hospital.

Boris then seemed to have been replaced: he rarely visited his wife, left quickly and generally behaved somehow strangely. Soon the girl learned from "well-wishers" that Boris had a mistress. Natasha was shocked, offended, angry.

She felt betrayed. As soon as her husband arrived at the hospital, she told him that she knew everything and did not want to see him again. Natasha loved her husband, but she could not forgive the betrayal, despite the fact that the traitor begged her for forgiveness and said that he was very sorry about this mistake.

Boris made several more attempts at reconciliation, but Natasha was adamant.

Years passed, Natasha got married several times, and now her opinion about Boris's betrayal has become different. “I am very sorry that in the heat of the moment decided to leave She didn't even try to figure out the situation. Boris repented, but I did not forgive him and, it turns out, because of my own resentment, I ruined my life. I would never do that now,” she says.

But this, of course, does not mean that any betrayal should be forgiven. And, by the way, it is not known what would have happened if Natasha had allowed her husband to return.

Let's consider another story. Lena lived with her husband for ten years, and at some point it suddenly became clear that he had been cheating on her for almost six months with another.

Lena was so afraid that he would leave her that she immediately forgave, said that she loved, and begged not to leave her family. The husband stayed, but a year later Lena found out about another mistress. This happened three more times, after which the husband nevertheless left the family for the sake of another passion.

Life after betrayal

Lena still regrets that she forgave him then and spent so much time on a person who has not loved her for a long time, but in the end she was left alone, and in an even more deplorable state and with a completely fallen self-esteem.

But how to learn not to "flog a fever"?

Cheating is, of course, very painful, and the very thought that a loved one has betrayed you can unbalance anyone and push them to rash acts. And yet, if this happens, try to pull yourself together and not make decisions under the influence of anger, resentment, and even more so. fear of loneliness.

When the emotions pass, you can bitterly regret what you did. Try to be alone and not sort things out until you cool down and can calmly analyze the situation and make an informed decision.

Life after betrayal

Without knowing what the reason for the betrayal is, you will not be able to make the right choice and take the relationship to a new level if you decide to stay.

If you caught your partner at the moment of the very fact of infidelity, then restrain emotions, it will most likely be difficult, but do not deny the very possibility of a subsequent analysis of the situation - perhaps you will change your mind.

Anya found out about her husband's betrayal by accident - she just saw him kissing another woman in the car, although he said on the phone that he would be late at work. Anya did not make scandals to her unfaithful spouse. She left for a few days at the dacha and, having carefully considered everything, made a decision. Anya suddenly realized that her husband's betrayal had simply untied her hands.

Relations have not gone well for a long time, and all Ani's attempts to make a boring family life interesting, did not meet the support of her husband. “I don’t want to live with this man, I don’t love him,” the girl suddenly realized.

She explained herself to her husband, and they parted. Anya never regretted it, but only felt relieved that her husband's betrayal helped to make a decision that had been ripe for a long time.

It also happens differently...

Sasha cheated on Ira. She found out about this and thought about the reasons, because there had never been conflicts between them. Ira decided to talk frankly with Sasha, because she had to make a serious decision to continue family relations. After the conversation, she realized that she was partly to blame herself.

Over the years of marriage, Ira has changed, and not for the better: she stopped taking care of herself, abandoned her hobbies and began to pay less attention to her husband. She completely immersed herself in caring for children and ceased to feel like an attractive woman.

Sasha said that he loved his wife, but he got bored with her. He missed the old Irina - cheerful and groovy. The couple spoke frankly and decided to change in order to maintain their relationship.

Ira took care of herself and the organization of family leisure, and Sasha began to pay more attention to children. So the spouses were able to better understand each other and satisfy their needs.

If you decide to walk away from a traitor, don't do it just because you feel negative emotions. Once you have calmed down, you can talk to your partner and analyze the situation.

It often happens that cheating only shows long overdue problems in a couple. She can both help improve relationships and bring them to a new level, and divorce spouses whose relationship has reached an impasse.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when making a decision:

  • What will happen if you do this?
  • What won't happen if you do this?
  • What won't happen if you don't?
  • What happens if you don't?

This method will help not only analyze the situation, but also better understand yourself, get answers from your own subconscious.

Stay or leave?

Sveta and Vlad quarreled. He got drunk in a nightclub and cheated on her with some girl. As soon as Sveta found out about this, she immediately stopped meeting with him and answering calls. The guy repented, begged for mercy, said that he loved, but the girl was adamant and insisted that they need to take a time out.

True, after a while she agreed to listen to Vlad's arguments and promised to think about it. Sveta said that she was embarrassed by the method of solving problems that Vlad uses, and she was afraid that he would always do this.

In general, the guy had to sweat to restore trust beloved, but in the end it all ended in a happy ending. Vlad was so afraid of losing Sveta that he never thought about going to the left again.

Life after betrayal

As for Sveta, in fact, she quickly forgave Vlad, but did not want everything to go so easily for him. “If I had forgiven him right away, he would have thought that he could get away with everything, and this would happen again. And so he realized that I was not joking, and got his lesson, ”the girl explains her behavior.

If you decide to forgive the traitor and stay with him, do not immediately tell him about it. Too easy forgiveness can give him confidence in his own impunity, and accidental betrayal can turn into a traditional cure for problems.

Lida found out that Sergey was cheating on her. She talked to him, and he confessed everything, immediately assuring the girl that all this did not mean anything, because he lives with her and loves only her. Lida agreed because she loved Sergei very much.

But their further life became like a nightmare. No matter how hard Lida tried, she saw in everything signs of Sergei's betrayal. “What does he lack in me? Linda thought. - What does he need?" And in order to somehow restore their shattered self-esteem, girl took a lover and then another.

In general, after a series of novels, confidence in her own attractiveness to Lida returned, but she still could not live with Sergey, because she could no longer trust him.

Life after betrayal

Cheating hurts pride and lowers self-esteem. Easiest raise self-esteem committing a retaliatory change.

Thus, a vicious circle is obtained: the person seems to have forgiven the betrayal, but immediately changes himself in order to “equalize the score”, that is, the problem is not solved through a frank conversation within the couple, but is denied and goes beyond the family.

Don't turn relationships into a battlefield. If you cannot forgive your partner and begin to trust him again, it is better to leave him, otherwise your life will turn into a nightmare with constant suspicions, and possibly retaliatory betrayals.

How to live after betrayal?

Cheating always takes a person by surprise, it is impossible to prepare for it, and the reaction to this event can be completely unpredictable for each of the participants. Whatever decision you make, it is very important to let go of the situation and forgive the offender after what happened.

Life after betrayal

This is necessary not so much for the one who has changed, but for the one who has been changed.

Of course, it is difficult to restore faith in people and love after you have been betrayed, but the sooner you can get rid of resentment and anger, the sooner your life will improve and your heart will open again to love.

Any relationship is impossible without trust, but entering into them, we always take risks, because without it a full life is impossible.

If you have not forgiven your partner and completed the situation, then even after parting, this relationship can emotionally affect you for years, undermining your psyche.

These techniques will help you free your heart from the burden of resentment:

  • Accept comfortable posture, close your eyes and say (out loud or to yourself): “I am freeing myself from the burden of the past. I forgive (name of the person) who harmed me. I thank him for all the good things he brought me.

    • I release it with love and peace. Everything is fine". Or: “I forgive myself and I forgive life. Everything is beautiful and calm in my soul.”

    You can do this meditation by taking fragrant bath or just sitting in a comfortable chair, turning on pleasant music. The main thing is that you are calm and relaxed.

  • Close your eyes, gradually relax your muscles. Imagine yourself as a regal and influential person on the throne, or even a goddess, beautiful and omnipotent, whom everyone loves and is ready to fulfill any whim.

    • Your servants (or angels) bring your offender in the form of ... a child. He looks at you with admiration and reverence, realizes his mistake, understands how badly he did, and asks him to forgive.

    As a token of forgiveness, you shower him with rose petals and say: “I forgive you!”

    He smiles happily and thanks you for your generosity. You can visually give him something that represents forgiveness. Your heart is light and calm.