Unsuccessful marriage, causes and consequences. Why are people unhappy in marriage? Unsuccessful marriage - causes and solutions

Modern life is slowly acquiring features of insensitivity and selfishness, and at the same time, many life values ​​are losing their significance.

Thus, the sanctity of marriage, which symbolizes the union of two loving hearts, disappears somewhere. Young men and women more and more often have a frivolous attitude: they no longer perceive this step as one of the most serious and responsible in life. Perhaps this is because people do not realize the need to create relationships based on love.

One way or another, unsuccessful marriages only play for the growth in numbers of disappointing statistics. Trying to understand only superficially the problem of the situation that caused the break in the family, we insensitively say: “we didn’t agree on the characters”, “probably”, “he is so and so bad”, “she is a dishonorable woman”, etc. There are many possible comments. The thing is that in most cases, neither the young themselves nor the people close to them try to look inside the problem and find where it takes root.

Most common causes unsuccessful marriages

1. or love? Quite common are cases when young people get married, unable to distinguish a flared love from true love. The clouding of the mind and the inability to adequately analyze the situation leads to the fact that lovers do not attach importance to the level of seriousness of their step. All they see is a cloudless future in which there is no place for everyday life and difficulties. That is why young spouses are unprepared for realities. life together. The first everyday problems and the period of "grinding" are unable to break their relationship only when they are built only on love - a more mature feeling than falling in love. That is why, every person entering into marriage is simply obliged to realize the seriousness of his step, determine the values ​​of marriage, be able to analyze relationships and really look into the near future.

2. Marriage - as a way. Many believe that marriage can prevent a breakup. Women often hope that marriage can settle down men, and they, in turn, count on favorable changes in women. At the same time, both parties tend to believe that the "stamp in the passport" is able to keep the soulmate. It is a myth! In such cases, changes after marriage are almost always for the worse. The only exceptions are those relationships that have been in the stage of meetings and dates for several years. For them, marriage can really be salvation.

3. Confidence that "it will not go anywhere." As a rule, such an opinion is the cause of subsequent laziness. Women do not want to recognize their husband and follow his desires, men stop courting and reckoning with their wife. They just become too lazy to get to know each other, to understand, to do something pleasant for a loved one. And in the end, the young are unable to create strong family based on mutual love and respect.

4. Lack of respect. In marriage, we clearly understand that not only love and passion are the source of successful relationships. Without mutual respect, building harmonious communication is unlikely to succeed. Yes, and love will not be hardy and as strong as it seemed initially. A legal relationship between a man and a wife in which there is no respect is an unhappy marriage. Not respecting your soul mate means not respecting yourself.

5. Constant conflicts and quarrels. They appear out of the blue, out of nowhere. Even a cup put in the wrong place, a thing carelessly thrown on the sofa, unwashed dishes and a lot of all sorts of everyday and unimportant trifles can become their reasons. Quarrels in the family become companions of the spouses. The inability to find a compromise and the lack of desire to seek it only worsens the situation. When quarrels and scandals occur constantly, an abnormal situation in the family for a husband and wife becomes the norm. Both have a feeling of mutual irritation, which can gradually develop into anger and even hatred.

The presence of all these aspects in a marriage that is falling apart before our eyes indicates that the most main reason a split is the lack of the slightest idea about family life. The concept of marriage should begin to come to us even before the decision to marry or get married. After all, family relationships are a huge job that must be done daily. Therefore, it is better to foresee an unsuccessful marriage before its conclusion. This will help to avoid disappointing consequences.
We offer, trainings for women in Kyiv is free.

Consequences of a failed marriage

1. Mental and physiological health problems. failed marriage- it's always scandals, it's always stress and nervous experiences. Being in constant internal tension and depression, the husband and wife expose their body to weakening. This leads to disruption of its functioning and exhaustion. Depression, cardiovascular disease, obesity and even diabetes- far from a complete list of the disappointing "set".

2. . This is actually very scary, but finding out their relationship, the spouses for some reason forget about what their children are going through. For any child, even the slightest discord in the family is stressful. And when scandals become systematic, the child does not get out of a depressed state. The consequence of this may be, first of all, diseases. In addition, children completely lack ideas about a normal family, which entails problems in establishing a personal life in the future. And most importantly: a child who grows up in constant scandals cannot feel happy. This is reflected in his character, outlook on life and attitude towards people around him.

3. Failure to become happy. When a person is unhappy and puts up with it, he deprives himself of the opportunity to live better. Helplessly clinging to the bonds of a failed marriage, husband and wife continue to test each other's endurance, while feeling inner failure. The surrounding life for both loses its colors and turns into torture. Every day they literally survive, in the morning setting themselves up for the fact that they need to somehow survive until tomorrow. This leads to both engaging in slow self-destruction. The result of this circumstance is a broken life.

What to do?

First of all, consciously enter into marriage, with the acceptance of all responsibility and duties. If doubts do not leave you - find in yourself their true reason. You should not marry out of hopelessness or get married out of desperation to find "your life partner."

Should a failed marriage be saved? Firstly, it is necessary to solve this exactly for the family that was affected by this problem, having answered the question the day before: “Do I want this?”. If a husband or wife has no desire to live together, trying to save the marriage is pointless. Love and family are two concepts that only reinforce each other. Our inability to preserve one of them excludes from life the possibility of the other being.

How to save a family? Any relationship needs to be saved. At least once. You can save a marriage that is bursting at the seams, only you need to work long and hard on it. If you still have the strength, do not miss this opportunity. Bring as much positivity into your family as possible and try to eliminate the negative. As long as you allow the second to prevail over the first, you, unfortunately, will not succeed.

But what if the parents divorce for no reason? Divorce statistics are such that only every second marriage ends sooner or later. In most cases, the initiator of the breakup is a woman.

The reasons for this are different - the spouse's alcoholism, infidelity, physical violence, and the like. However, most often people get divorced because they are not suitable for each other, have different interests and goals, or simply having cooled down from passion and having experienced a moment of falling in love, they understand that they cannot and do not want to live next to each other anymore.

When this is a mutual decision, many problems are immediately solved, no one is offended by each other, and the former spouses simply disperse on opposite sides of the road. But what to do if the husband loves you, takes care of you, your family life quite prosperous, but it seems to you that, and you no longer want to live with your spouse and dream of gaining freedom?

fake ring

Young people should marry only for love., making sure that this is really a strong and strong feeling. If you get married two months after they met, it may well be that the spouses will be disappointed in each other, in family life and in love, which could not stand the test of everyday life. As a result, love, like a wedding, turns out to be a fake fake.

What to do in this case? Of course, you can repeat many times that the girl herself is to blame, before the wedding she had many opportunities to end a meaningless relationship and it’s better to be alone than to suffer from the same loneliness, but already married. But life situations are different. If it so happens that a girl in marriage is unhappy, she should admit this to herself and her spouse.

It is very important not to delay this moment, as every day it will be more and more difficult and unbearable.

Same do not forget about the feelings of her husband, since it is quite possible that he loves you, and living with you will make his feelings even stronger and, as a result, it will be very difficult for him to endure separation. Thinking about the dilemma of whether to get a divorce or not, you should not convince yourself that happy families much less than the unhappy and many people step over themselves just to save the marriage, especially if it has children. There is only one life, and after all, no one wants to think in old age about how they have wasted many years of their life on an unhappy marriage, although they could still meet a person who would make him happy.

Give yourself freedom

How to confess your feelings to your spouse, because without this it is impossible to gain the long-awaited freedom? Spouses, even being former, remain relatives to each other, therefore it should be observe tact and delicacy during conversation. You should talk with your husband as with an old friend that there is nothing more good in marriage, the passion is gone and it is by no means your fault with him, it just happens and no one is immune from it.

Sit down and think about what kind of life you would like for yourself, if there is a place for deceit and hypocrisy in it, perhaps you would need to change something and start life in a new way. Most likely, you will come to a common denominator that your plans do not coincide and peacefully disperse, because who wants to live with a person who does not love and does not want to be around.

Another situation is also possible the man does not want to let you go and wants to be near you. It will be unbearably painful for him, this is a natural feeling of someone who is faced with the separation of a loved one, but he must experience these emotions on his own. It will not be easier for anyone from your regret and short meetings, it is best to leave the person’s life and not return again, at least until the awkwardness disappears in the relationship and your presence does not bring suffering to the ex-husband.

Divorce is the division of life into two, that is, you have to divide not only property, but life itself - friends, favorite places for entertainment, and the like. Be prepared for the fact that you will have to give up a lot, but at the same time, it will open before you new life full of new possibilities.

It is much more difficult to part with a husband, if he is the father of your children, but again, nothing prevents him from loving and caring for them at a distance, coming to visit them or inviting him to his place for the weekend. If you continue to live with children in an unhappy marriage, this will negatively affect their perception of the family, they will believe that scandals and conflicts in the family are the norm, but this is not so, this is another source of happiness in a person’s life. Marriage can bring happiness to both spouses and children only if it is based on love, respect and mutual understanding. If this is not so, there is no need to torture each other.

Fate enters without knocking

Those people who are going through a divorce look at marriage and family life in a completely different way. They are ready to put up with something, openly rebel against something, especially if the previous relationship went wrong because of this. Of course, the first time it will seem that family life is absolutely not for you that if you were unlucky once, it is unlikely that fate will be able to give you another chance. In fact, love is an unpredictable feeling that can visit your heart in an hour or three years. The main thing is that you are open to love and do not make a kind of cult out of your negative experience, an event that will certainly happen again.

After a divorce, many face pain and loneliness, even if they themselves initiated the gap. This is quite normal, because changes are taking place in your life and a person who was previously very close to you has left your life. Gradually you will start adapt to a new world and a new self– free and temporarily lonely.

Once you know you're ready for a relationship, make it a point to always look good. Make an effort to look confident, change your hairstyle, buy a pair beautiful outfits, be more among people and actively make new acquaintances. It can distract you from negative thoughts. Do not let hostility towards the male sex settle in your heart, even if your ex-husband made a lot of mistakes during your marriage.

All people are different and for sure somewhere nearby there is a man who fully meets your expectations. In no case do not think that “a woman after a divorce” is some kind of stigma, a defect that will most likely lead to the fact that you most likely will not find yourself a lover. This is not true. See the positives in everything. The obvious advantage of being married is the experience. You already know what family life is, what is needed in order to preserve it, what is of primary importance in the relationship between husband and wife, and what is of secondary importance. The experience of living together and communicating with your spouse's relatives is also very useful, you will feel more confident in crisis situations.

There are also plenty of men who have experienced an unsuccessful marriage, so you should not think that only you survived the divorce, the main thing is that you want a sincere relationship and know what exactly is in family relationships and your loved one is important to you.

As soon as you meet that very one, you will feel how easy it has become for you to live, how love makes you softer, more feminine and desirable, how confident you feel in life and lose your former fears.

Why people are unhappy in marriage naturally depends on the individual situation. But one thing is typical for all women in a situation of unsuccessful marriage: if she made her choice today, she would not choose the same partner.

According to some reports, the majority of women living in Russia who are married are unhappy in marriage, although many hide this. It happens that a union that was happy initially becomes a burden.

When people are unhappy in marriage

When I myself lived in Russia and did not even think about meeting foreigners, I looked at the marriages of my girlfriends and rarely anyone was truly happy. A typical situation was when either the husband or the wife walked, or even both at once. Often the guys, although we were all very young people, drank. Many of these couples later broke up and the girls found another partner.

Often people are unhappy in marriage for several years, but do not find the strength to end the problematic cohabitation. This can happen because wives do not want to leave children without a father, or they are afraid to be alone for life, that no one will need them with a child.

Why women are unhappy in marriage

I see one of the most serious problems in . If you ask the ladies about, they all shout out loud that you should marry only for love, rejecting even the slightest opportunity to give this union a chance for longevity. For happy marriage need both!

Yes, in Russian culture the word “calculation” often has a negative association, by which it is understood that a girl is getting married in order to improve her economic situation. But, in principle, if both people work, then when they start living together, their economic situation will improve in any case.

As I wrote before, for me the word calculation has a different meaning: to think, can this marriage survive?

• Are you compatible?
• Are you ready for marriage?
• Do you understand what will be required of both of you?
• Are you both ready to invest your mental strength and really work with your hands for the benefit of the family?
• Do you understand that honesty does not mean cutting the truth in the eye, and that sometimes you choose between being right and being happy?
• Have you read at least one a good book about being married, or do you still think that the husband will be responsible for everything? And you - just nag him when, in your opinion, he does something wrong, and, in general, “support” him?
• What else connects you, besides hormones (“love”)?
• Are you ready to create a happy home where your husband will always want to return, and not one where he is afraid to go?
• Is your future husband - or a bad one? If it is bad, then whatever love is, you will not be happy in marriage.

If you do not want to be unhappy in a future marriage, then calculation is simply necessary.

How to prevent a failed marriage

From the very beginning, if your future husband is not the man you want to be with most in life, or you are not the woman he wants to be with most on the planet, then such a marriage, later or sooner, will become unhappy. For a marriage to be happy, it is necessary that even if he could choose any other girl in the world, and you could choose any other guy in the world, you would still choose each other.

If, even at the moment of marriage, you compromise, and if you had the opportunity, you would choose another partner, then you start your marriage on the wrong note. People in love cannot even imagine being with someone else.

If you have, you will not be afraid that he will leave for another or cheat on you, and it will not even occur to him. If you “caught” him or, then, sooner or later, you will feel unhappy in marriage.

It does not matter who spoke to whom first or who smiled first at whom. It's important to a happy marriage that you BOTH feel the same strong feelings for each other. If one loves, and the other allows himself to be loved, this is a direct path to misfortune and unsuccessful marriage.

The next moment is the opinion of your loved ones. If they all tell you in a voice that this person is not a match for you, listen, especially to the opinion of your parents and family. If you are in a situation where your family is definitely against it, give your relationship time to settle, because you may just be intoxicated with hormones and do not see what is easily visible to others.

The situation with children in an unhappy marriage

In any case, the birth of children in marriage is worth the wait. Firstly, a newborn is a huge burden on a still fragile relationship, and, secondly, you will not part with the father of your child all your life. You will meet at birthdays and weddings, grandchildren's holidays.

If you are not yet 35, then you should not give birth right away. If you are over 35, then you should still live a few months together before getting pregnant, and, in case of any problems, do not give birth to this man. If you are afraid that it is time to give birth, otherwise you will never give birth, get pregnant from a "sperm donor" so that the child is only yours, or freeze your eggs, this procedure is now becoming more and more accessible.

Frozen eggs can be fertilized at any age by in vitro conception, after which you can either carry the newborn yourself or use the surrogacy route. For example, one girl could not endure because of her health and her mother helped her in this. Sometimes friends or relatives help carry the baby, and surrogacy, which does not involve family members, is becoming more popular.

You can find a suitable man, already having offspring, this is real. Better not to have a father at all than to have a problem father and be unhappy. Rushing to get married just to give birth quickly, “before it's too late” - this is a recipe for a subsequent unsuccessful marriage.

If you don't want to be unhappy in your marriage

If you are married and unhappy, the first step is to acknowledge your situation. After that, sit down and decide what kind of life you want for yourself and your children. To have the life you want, you have to do something, something different than what you have been doing before. If you keep doing what you have been doing, the result will remain the same.

If you are not married, then understand that believing in fate and the fact that she is obliged to present you with your happiness on a silver platter is naive. Fate has a lot to do and it looks like she needs your help.

Unsuccessful marriage: how to live in an unsuccessful marriage, how to be, what to do, I can’t anymore, she infuriates me, everything is wrong, we don’t have sex, we have eternal quarrels, scandals, etc., etc. blah blah blah ...

I am now going through a series of cycles, where I tell you that if something does not suit you in your sexual partner = then you did not initially right choice= and responsibility in everything is on you.

A failed marriage is from the same opera, you know? You made the wrong choice, that's all.

In order not to live in an unsuccessful marriage, you must initially make the right choice with your sexual partner. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, then you, initially, did not make the right choice.

So the responsibility for your choice = lies with you. There is no need to shift responsibility, this is not masculine, because the main male quality No. 1 is responsibility!

And for many people, I would say even the majority of people, it turns out that everything is the other way around.

That is, people are already in an unsuccessful marriage = and only now they think / understand that they made a mistake, chose the wrong sexual partner, etc., they don’t know what to do now, how to be / live, etc. etc.

For the male sex and mistakes = I won’t even speak. Only the inexperienced do them. And not experienced, for the most part (not all, but many, most), these are young people, guys, guys, boys, etc. due to lack of knowledge, experience, young age (emotions, etc.) and the absence of the above.

Although, there are adult men = but, ala ulu, without experience, knowledge, etc. etc., as a result - errors ...

Briefly speaking. It doesn't matter. Well, for the female gender - I think many people already understand everything, all females are simply obsessed with their marriage, marriage, wedding, white dress, etc.

Passport stamp = WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. Will not make your relationship = balanced, harmonious, holistic, reinforcing. Understand? I understand that you, my dear, are not guided by logic, but if you really do not understand such obvious things, then it’s worse for you.

I always speak as it is, in fact - without lies and falsehood.

Yes, I understand that all of you girls dream of a wedding, a white dress, and other useless (for us men) things. Since childhood, you have been invested with such beliefs, a kind of installed programs, like on a computer / smartphone, etc. (unconscious) = you need to marry well, it is good to marry, you need a worthy man to marry.

So this is normal for you. And if you also take into account that marriage was created to protect the interests of a woman, then you also have a benefit. BUT! It's all good for you, honey. BUT! Everything has its time. No need to make mistakes. Because mistakes are always very difficult to correct. Is always. Understand?

And in order not to correct your mistakes, it is much better not to make them at all initially.

And in order not to commit them initially, you need to do everything wisely, competently, and not on emotions, spontaneously, unpredictably, quickly, etc. etc. it is not reasonable, and therefore doomed to failure.

It is necessary to correctly approach the choice of a sexual partner.

You need to be confident in a person, in a woman / man, not 100% - but 1000%.

When there is such confidence, and this appears after at least 3-5 years serious relationship side by side = then already do what you want. But, no need to flog the fever. Everything has its time.

The more detailed everything will be = the better for you, your relationship.

It is impossible to understand who is in front of you in short periods of time.

It is impossible to understand the whole essence of a person (male or female) in short periods of time.

Well, you can’t understand if this is your person. Is it right for you. Etc. etc. FAST.

Need time! You need years of relationships with each other, on an ongoing basis, next to each other "permanently".

Only then, and only then, will you understand everything. Do you understand? Only this way and only this way you understand the person, is it yours / is it yours, is it suitable for you, is it worthy / is he (a) worthy, etc. etc. kuuuuuche of everything has already been passed / lived through = that one is shorter, here everything becomes different, unlike the beginning, when there is no certainty in anything, this, of course, is all my personal opinion (IMHO, so to speak)!

There are two options for the development of events in an unsuccessful marriage ...

• 1st. Fix your failed marriage, your mistakes/disagreements/problems, etc.
• 2nd. If you can’t fix the problem (it doesn’t work), disperse that and that’s it.

1st option...

Breaking is not building.

Do you understand? Before you make any serious decisions (2nd option), you need to give your relationship a chance and try to fix it. Discuss your problems, disagreements, nuances, what does not suit you, what is bad, what needs to be fixed, what is missing, etc. etc.

For each item = you need to look for solutions.

• She's fat? = let him solve a problem, lose weight, burn fat, take care of himself, etc. etc.
• Are you making bad money? = solve a problem, look for opportunities, reach heights, etc. etc.
• Do you have no s * ks or bad? Solve the problem together!
• Do you have scandals, swearing, quarrels, etc.? Solve the problem together!
• Etc. etc.

Both a man and a woman must change, develop, improve and become better, in all directions, work on themselves, on their relationships, etc., etc.

2nd option...

The meaning of the relationship between m and f is = to reinforce each other.

I talked about this in more detail in the main article:

If this is not the case, you have an unsuccessful marriage = then you have a destructive (destructive) relationship = and in this situation, these relationships are generally useless (meaningless), because they lose their meaning.

Therefore, if you fix errors / problems = it doesn’t work out = the output is only 1 => disperse.

Relationships must be right (constructive, balanced, reinforcing) = only then will they make sense. If you don't, then you're in the wrong relationship. And you need to either deal with problems / mistakes in the relationship, or if you can’t fix it = break up.

In the end, no one canceled natural selection. Under conditions of natural selection, the fittest individuals win. Therefore, natural selection will put everything in its place.

Those. if one of the partners in an unsuccessful marriage does not want to change, develop, become better, improve in everything, etc. etc. = in order to transform an unsuccessful marriage into a successful one, into the right relationship, balanced, harmonious, holistic, reinforcing, then HE or SHE will simply simply lose in natural selection THAT / TO ONE who wants to develop, change, get better, etc.

Regards, administrator.

My name is Elena. I am 27 years old. I'm married. I have two children. I am constantly in a state of tension. I can't just enjoy life.

At school I was an excellent student, I sincerely believed in my successful future. After school, she entered the university. I did well at school, but I was more interested in relationships with boys. My first love caught up with me at the age of 14. We dated for 4 years, on the day of my 18th birthday, he proposed to me. I agreed, although I did not intend to marry either him or anyone else in the near future. I didn't talk to his friends. For the most part, I kept silent. I was always afraid to say something stupid, funny, to cause disrespect among others. Now I understand how stupid it was, but you can’t return the past.

After his proposal, we decided to live together. Him, his mom and me. I was quite content with that kind of life. Once I found his correspondence with a girl, where he complimented her. It hurt me a lot. Before that, I noticed “manifestations of male polygamy” behind him, but this time I didn’t say anything to him, didn’t swear at him, I was so angry with him that I decided to take revenge on him. I began to behave like the most exemplary wife, met him from work with kisses, fed him tastier than usual, gave him more caresses .. This went on for two or three weeks until I saw the results of my efforts. He became gentler, more attentive to me. I got my way, got his attention back to me.

And now it's time for revenge. I began to go home for the weekend, walked at night with my friends in discos, met guys. That's how I met my future husband, A. I didn't really like him at first sight. But I really liked him. He began to actively care for me, we talked a lot. After a couple of months, I seriously began to think about parting with my fiancé, but I could not make a decision in any way. It was hard for me to part with a man with whom I was once in love, with whom I had a 4-year relationship, who was devoted to me like never before. A. proved as best he could that he was better, but did not see my determination. He called me one day from his city and said that he decided to quit his job and study and move to the city where I live in order to be near me. It seemed to me then that he accomplished a feat for me. I went and told my boyfriend that we were breaking up.

He cried, he begged me to give him a chance, but I was adamant. I spent painful 3 days with him, trying to reconcile him with the idea that everything was in the past, and went home. A new relationship began, full of passion. And the old ones reminded of themselves for a long time with calls, tears, curses, notes on the pavement, bouquets left at the door. I felt terribly sorry for him, I felt cruel, heartless. My conscience bothered me a lot. But only two, three months of a new relationship passed, and the site began to torment me with a sense of guilt before A., who went through a difficult period in his life when he had to share me with someone else. We often quarreled with A. Our quarrels were long, emotional, it came to tantrums, to suicidal thoughts.

I was killed by his lack of pity and compassion for me. But we still made peace. And we had reconciliations, very passionate ones. We almost ate each other alive. After 7-8 months of a difficult relationship, I got pregnant. I didn't want a child, I didn't want to get married. But I didn't want to have an abortion. A. said that it was necessary to give birth, this is not discussed. I thought he really loves me. We continued to quarrel over all sorts of nonsense, I often thought about whether to give birth. As time went on, they informed their parents about the pregnancy and the intention to get married. There was a shock. But they began to prepare for the wedding. Most of the preparatory work fell on my shoulders. Plus, I studied, plus my pregnancy required constant trips to the clinic. And my future husband dropped out of school, slept until dinner and only occasionally got out for a part-time job. site On this occasion, we swore every day. Sometimes, during a quarrel, he hurt me, threw me on the bed, squeezed his hands tightly, slapped me. I couldn't believe you could treat a pregnant girl like that.

I offered to break up so many times, but my offer was taken as a personal insult. Our quarrels often ended with my apologies. At the wedding, I did not feel happy. I thought about how smoothly everything would go, everything was not perfect, I was unhappy. Three months after the wedding, I gave birth to a daughter. The girl was small and weak, I was scared that she might not survive, that there might be developmental deviations. My first impressions of motherhood were terrible. I cried, looked for support from my husband, and he was always busy with work and sleep. The first year we lived with my husband's parents and his sister with a child. I was in this family, like universal evil. Everyone was unhappy with me, everyone wanted to get rid of me.

And the fact that the newly-made dad was lying at home without work for six months was also my site of fault. A. still got a job, soon his parents moved to the village, leaving us and my husband's sister and daughter to live in an apartment. My sister likes to drink, take a walk, does not like to cook and clean up. For a year and a half, she and her child hung around her brother’s neck, because. ate what we cook, did not buy anything home, except dumplings and occasionally bread with milk, public utilities we paid. I got pregnant for the second time. I decided to keep the baby. The eldest was taken to kindergarten. There was never enough money. In addition, we had to pay for the last year of study at the university ourselves (dad drank himself, was left without a job and could not pay for my studies). I spent many nights without sleep, worked hard, and finally received a diploma of higher education. It was a reason for pride, but I just couldn’t force myself to be happy, I thought about my lack of money, my inability to change anything in my life, that I was tired of living in a communal apartment, raising children in trouble.

And this sister. She brought different guys to the house, one of them became her second husband and father of her second child. They often drank, cursed, fought, and soon dispersed. More than once I had to feed, soothe, put my husband's nieces to sleep when his sister was inadequate or slept like a dead sleep. The years go by. Children are growing. The eldest will soon go to school, the youngest has also grown up, but life does not change. The husband either works or does not work. I don't get along with work either. No money, no roof over your head. I want stability, a calm and comfortable family life. And on the other hand, I want prospects, careers, wealth, success.

I want to be a good wife, and I constantly blame my husband for our problems, I want to be a loving mother, but I don’t know how to be tolerant and selfless for the sake of children. I want to see the world, I want adventure, I want to fall in love and be loved. I now understand that I became a mother, a wife too early. I didn’t realize myself as a person, I didn’t learn responsibility, I didn’t prepare the ground for motherhood. I feel guilty towards the children. And all the time I think hard about why it all happened and how to fix it. site Thinking about moving to another city. Seems like it would be better. And I understand that you can not run away from problems.