Why no one wants to be friends with me: the main reasons. What do you do if no one is friends with you? If no one is friends with you

My dear friend, today I want to tell you about friendship.

Friendship is wonderful, it is a close relationship with friends based on mutual trust, affection, both for an adult and for a child.Life is fun with friends, you can go for a walk with friends, watch movies, ride a bike, etc. With a friend, even troubles are experienced easier. In general, having a friend is great, but it may happen that you will not have friends.

What to do if no one is friends with you?

First of all, you must be bolder, shyness is not appropriate here. If you want to make friends, you need to be among the children, and not stay on the sidelines. You should try to make friends with your peers, and this is not as difficult as you might think.

It may happen that you and your parents will have to move to live in another city. Of course, you will have to change schools as well. It may happen that in the new school you will not have friends.

Your classmates at breaks gather in their companies, in pairs, and you are all alone. Yes, I agree, it's annoying. And something urgently needs to be done about it. Let's think about why this happens, and how to get out of this situation.

Remember: no one wants to be friends with...

You don’t complain to adults unnecessarily, you don’t get greedy when you have something that others don’t have, you don’t get angry and swear over trifles, you don’t whine about every little thing, you don’t get smart.

If all this is not about you, and you still can’t make friends, you may be making one of 4 mistakes.

Now you are probably thinking, what are these errors? Here I will name them for you.

1 ERROR. Do not think about how and what will happen to you, be yourself. Drive away thoughts from yourself that: "No one is friends with me because I'm not a good student" or "because I'm unsportsmanlike" or "because I don't have expensive things" It's like writing on your forehead:

YOU SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS WITH ME... THERE ARE REASONS FOR IT!.

And then you're surprised you can't make friends.

People are friends with a person not because he is exemplary (sporty, smart, prestigious, handsome). And not because he has any special things. If that were the case, then everyone would only want to be friends with some unique boys and girls, and we see that almost everyone has friends.

I'll tell you this, in no case should you bribe children.

You should not wear sweets and treat them to children for your own benefit. You can smile more often.Dress nicely, look clean and tidy. You can have a nice purse with trinkets, a “mobile phone”, albeit an inexpensive one. Invite some girls or boys home to play.

Invite them to go somewhere together on the weekend (cinema, park, rollerblading, biking, etc.).

2 ERROR. This is when you start to think that you should not communicate with your peers at all and you close yourself off from everyone, prefer to sit at the computer rather than go and play outside with the guys.

Yes, perhaps a computer is that friend with whom you can play games at least all day long. He does not argue, does not snap, he will always wait for you, he will not go anywhere. You can chat in social networks where no one knows you and it’s not so scary, right? There's no problem.

It's too bad that you choose a computer.

Live communication is priceless. And so you need to learn to interact with others.

Imagine such a situation. Here you can not solve the problem in geometry. And you decide, they say, "Yes, I will not solve it at all, I'd rather do something simpler." Good decision, isn't it?I agree that you can make up your mind. And after what?

How to write independent work?

How to end the school year?

Looks like you just wasted your time. You must understand that the longer you put off difficult tasks for later, the more difficult it will be to catch up with all this later.

It is better to put in more effort the first time and still cope with a difficult task.

It's the same with communication. The more often you will be "friends" with a computer, the more difficult it will be for you to learn what you are already bad at: getting to know each other, communicating, making friends. And every year it gets harder and harder. You should not run this business, it is better to gather your courage and resolutely take up communication skills.

3 ERROR. You really want to be important andnoticeable, you really want everyone to be friends with you.

You are ready for anything and do not stop thinking about it. It becomes like an obsession for you and you start trying to dress like everyone else, behave like everyone else, you are always there, you are ready to fulfill any request, you are ready to spend all the money that your parents gave you for lunch, just to stay in the company.

You are very worried about what they will think or say or how they will look at you.And if someone exchanges a few words with you, then you immediately begin to think that this is your friend.

Remember: this is not possible!

To prove to other children how good you are is absolutely useless.

All these dressing, efforts are useless. If you do this, then in the future it may end badly for you: they will start using you for their own purposes.

For example, they will drive to the dining room: “oh, could you buy a pie, otherwise I don’t have time,” or “please bring me a briefcase from the class, otherwise I won’t have time to go to the toilet,” etc. - do you want to gradually become a girl or an errand boy.

This is how you can't do it anyway.

You should understand: you are very good on your own, you are a talented and interesting person.

You don't need to prove anything to anyone - be yourself and others will definitely notice it. Learn to find mutual language and common themes with those you like (Download Falabella Lessons, audio). You need to take a step towards the first, maybe someone also does not dare to approach you. Be bold.

4 ERROR. It is foolish to think as if "everything will be as I want."

I'll tell you this: many children do not know how to communicate on an equal footing. At the first opportunity they begin to command.

Offer games that they like themselves. They believe that others should agree with their ideas and listen to everything they have to say. Laughed at their jokes. In all games, they only want to win.

And if something goes wrong, they get offended and quarrel or leave.

It seems to them that no one understands them and does not want to be friends with them, they are simply unlucky that they got such classmates or neighbors - stupid, boring and nasty.

His book "What to do if ..." family psychologist and the author of books for parents Lyudmila Petranovskaya devoted to the rules of the child's behavior in difficult situations. Today we give the writer's advice to those who lack friendly communication.

WHO ARE YOU NOT FRIENDS WITH? No one wants to be friends with sneaks, greedy people, mean-spirits, constantly dissatisfied whiners, with bullies, too, somehow not very good, and with dirty people, and with proud people.

If all this is not about you, but it doesn’t matter with friends anyway, you may be making one of four mistakes.

MISTAKE FIRST: thinking that this is how it should be. One has only to start thinking: "No one is friends with me, because I'm not a good student," or "... because I'm unsportsmanlike," or "... because I don't have expensive things" - and write wasted.

In fact, they are friends with a person not because he is some kind of exemplary (sporty, witty, fashionable, handsome). And not because he has some things. If that were the case, then everyone would only want to be friends with a select few, and we see that almost everyone has friends.

MISTAKE TWO: Don't even try. Some children who find it difficult to make friends with their peers decide to stop interacting with them altogether. They sit at the computer all day long.

In fact, the more time you spend with a computer instead of real people, the more difficult it will be for you to learn what you are bad at: making friends, making friends, communicating. Every year it will get harder. Why run like that? Wouldn't it be better right now to tune in decisively, gather strength - and learn how to communicate?

MISTAKE THREE: Trying too hard. You really want to be friends with you. You think about it all the time. You are ready for anything to be accepted into the company. You try to talk, dress, act, think like those children whose friendship you dream of.

In fact, if you are so disposed, then no friends will take you. At best, they will be allowed to be in the company of an "errand boy" or "a girl who constantly walks with us." And at any moment they can drive away or offend. This "friendship" you will not like, keep in mind. Friendship is a relationship of equals. It cannot be begged or cured. Calm down. Your friendship will never leave you. Someone finds their closest friends in kindergarten, and someone - only at the institute. This will definitely happen to you, if not now, then tomorrow, if not tomorrow, then in a year. Here Harry Potter did not have friends until the age of 11, before joining Hogwarts.

ERROR FOUR: “Let everything be the way I want!”. Some children fail with friendship because they do not know how to communicate on an equal footing. They are in command all the time. They offer to play only what they themselves are interested in. They want it to always be the way they came up with. So that friends always want the same as they do. And one more thing - to always win in all games. And if they are not allowed to command, then they are offended and quarrel or leave. And it seems to them that no one understands them, and no one wants to be friends with them, and they are simply unlucky that they got such classmates or neighbors - fools, boring and unpleasant.

In fact, friendship, as we have said, is a relationship of equals. Friendship is when everyone is good, not just one. You want to be heard - and others too. You like to play interesting roles - and others too. It seems to you that you have a wonderful idea, and so do others. Make sure you're not in command. Listen to what other kids have to say, it might be interesting. Learn not to be angry because of defeat - after all, this is not a world championship, but just a game with friends! Now think carefully, you are not making one of these mistakes.

Among the guys there will definitely be someone with similar interests.

If you are teased and offended, deal with it first. Perhaps one of the good guys could make friends with you, it's just that you can't push through the ring of offenders.

And not everyone will dare to go against everyone. As soon as they leave you behind, it will become easier to strike up a friendship.

If you like one of the guys, but you do not know how to strike up a conversation - ask him about something that he is well versed in and what he is passionate about. Or say something nice, praise. Just don't suck up (remember the third mistake!) - talk about what you really liked.

When the first contact is made, support it. Remember the name of a new acquaintance, ask him what he is fond of, where he lives, what he likes to play. Offer to exchange phone numbers.

Do not be shy to show that the person is interesting to you, but do not impose yourself. And don't be upset if it doesn't work. So it's not your real friend yet.

Meeting ahead!

WHAT TO DO, IF...

YOU ARE STRONGLY HURT

First you need to understand: what does it mean - strongly?

If you get pulled, pushed or your things are dropped without really hurting or breaking anything, that's one thing. In general, boys sometimes behave this way with girls they like - they pull their pigtails. Well, they just don't know how else to attract attention.

EVERYTHING DISCOVERED IN THE CHAPTER "WHAT TO DO IF THE GUYS TEASE YOU" IS SUITABLE FOR THESE CASES.

Keep calm. Don't be offended, don't get angry, don't complain, don't try to fight back.

May I ask:

"I'm stopping you? Shall I let you pass?” or “Do you like my braid? Then touch it carefully”, or “Are you just bumping into me all the time, or everyone?”.

Or just ignore it, and everyone will get tired of it quickly.

DOES HE NOT LIKE MY TAIL? OR MY EARS?...

YOU HAVE REALLY HURRED

INTENTIONALLY BROKEN YOUR THING,

DESTROYED CLOTHES,

TAKE MONEY,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE BEEN INJURED - THIS IS NO LONGER JUST STUPIDITY.

It's called "VIOLENCE" and it's

Perhaps it didn't happen on purpose. Someone was going to push quietly, but it turned out hard, and now he himself is not happy. Seeing that you are hurt, he will apologize and is unlikely to do something like this in the future. Then it can stay between you.

If you see that you were hurt on purpose and the offender does not regret what he did and does not ask him to forgive, then it's time to TURN TO ADULTS. It is best to do this as quickly as possible and in the presence of the offender. Do not shout, do not accuse, and do not speak in a plaintive voice. Say as calmly as possible:

“I DON'T LIKE TO COMPLAINT, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO PROTECT MYSELF.

WHAT HE DOES IS NO LONGER A GAME. IS IT DANGEROUS.

I NEED YOUR HELP".

After that, briefly say what exactly the offender did. If an adult has reprimanded or punished him, never gloat or show triumph. But don't make excuses if they call you a sneak.

“I DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO ADULTS.

BUT YOU DID NOT STOP

AND THERE WAS NO OTHER OUTPUT. I WILL NOT BE SUFFERED."

Are they still called?

YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BEAVE YOURSELF - SEE THE CHAPTER "WHAT TO DO IF THE GUYS TEASE YOU".

A special case is if you are constantly beaten or if you are offended by older guys.

PLEASE TELL THIS TO YOUR PARENTS!

Sometimes children are afraid that mom will be upset, and dad will laugh and call them dumb. And, in general, they believe that parents are ashamed to complain and should cope on their own. No one offers to run to them because of every trifle.

If you can, of course, do it yourself. But constant violence or adult impudent hooligans is not a trifle! At any moment, offenders can go into a rage and cause you serious injury. It happens that children end up in the hospital and then they are treated for a very long time. That's when mom gets really upset, and dad won't be able to laugh for a long time.

DON'T LET IT GO!

It happens that hooligans intimidate and say: “If you tell someone, we’ll kill you!”.

Those who offend the weaker are usually cowards themselves. Therefore, it will be enough for your parents or teacher to have a serious talk with them once, and they will bypass you. If adults decide that one conversation is not enough, they will turn to the police.

And the most The best way not to get into such a situation is to have good friends and always walk with them. Bullies usually pick on loners.

No such friends?

READ THE CHAPTER "WHAT TO DO IF NO ONE IS FRIENDS WITH YOU".

It is very difficult when an adult offends you. For example, a teacher or coach. He disliked you, or maybe just a rude and evil person and offends other guys too.

Or maybe someone thought you were doing something bad. For example, the cashier in the store suddenly decided that you wanted to steal a chocolate bar. Or it seemed to an angry neighbor that it was you who broke his window yesterday with a ball. Maybe you really did something wrong.

Anything happens.

BUT REMEMBER: NO ONE SHOULD HAVE YOU

"I'M SCARY WHEN YOU SCREAM"

"It HURTS WHEN YOU HOLD MY HAND LIKE THIS"

"I AM HURT WHEN YOU SAY THAT."

Perhaps the adult is too angry or scared for you and does not understand what he is doing. Then your words will calm him down and help him pull himself together.

If that doesn't work and the adult keeps hurting, insulting, or yelling at you, you shouldn't put up with it. Don't protest, don't threaten, don't say, "You have no right," "Stop immediately," or "I'll tell my mom." This can only piss him off even more. It is generally better not to talk to a person in a strong anger.

The best thing to do is, as soon as the opportunity arises, JUST LEAVE.

Leave quickly and decisively, do not try to pick up your things, you will take it later. But don't run or you'll be seen as guilty. Just move to any place where there are other people: in the hallway of the school, in the lobby of the store or gym, in the teachers' room.

If only notifications from the Odnoklassniki website remind you of school, you are lucky. If they remind you of school parent meetings, on which they collect money for the repair of a peeling teacher of labor, you are a father. And therefore, dad, read, full of tips on overcoming the 7 most common difficulties that any student may encounter. We'll be supplying you with them all week.

So the epochal day has come when your child went to school. You breathed a sigh of relief: finally you will have time to complete the novel, complete the symphony and complete the model of the Eiffel Tower from meatballs. But then it turns out that you relaxed early. It turns out that a cool desk is not the most peaceful place, and unforeseen difficulties appeared in the life of your heir. As a caring father, you simply have no right to stand aside. Otherwise, who, besides you, will make every effort to ensure that the mother of the child takes care of these sudden problems? We asked our permanent consultant to increase your pedagogical competence - Leading psychologist of the family center "We", Ph.D. Tatyana Sviridova.

Just don’t be offended, but first Tatyana asked to clarify: did your child have friends in kindergarten or in the yard? Were? Very well! This is the main thing. So, with the skills of social behavior, he is all right. Therefore, consider the external reasons for the absence of school friends.

“In children of primary school age, from the 1st to the 3rd grade, friends are formed according to the situational principle. You live in the same house with me, you walk the same way from school, your parents know each other - any of these reasons are enough to call you my friend, ”Tatyana explains the habits of the young.

Analyze specific circumstances. Perhaps, to normalize the situation, it is enough for you and your mother to simply pick up the child from school a little later than usual, thus giving him the opportunity to hang out with classmates after school. Or the application of your powers should be more targeted: for example, you can stop more often to chat with one of the parents, letting the kids willy-nilly get to know each other better while the adults are busy talking. a child's birthday or any far-fetched holiday to which classmates will be invited. At an early age, such invitations from a half-familiar peer are perceived absolutely naturally. Pay attention to the following: the teacher has a strong influence on the formation of opinion in children of primary school age. (Let's say if the teacher smokes Dunhill, the whole class smokes Dunhill too.) Ask the child how their teacher builds relationships with children. It is possible that he divides the class into “lagging behind” and “advancing” (or some other segregation basis), and your child fell into the category of outcasts with whom “good” children should not be friends. Your next steps: have a serious talk with the teacher like a man with a teacher. She will then be required to publicly announce to the children that your child is good and that you can and should be friends with him.

Now let's move on to the 5th and 6th grades. This age is fraught with so-called mobbing. This is a situation where children rally and “make friends” against one person. The fault here always lies with the class, and not with the pariah child. No matter what the victim does, she cannot return her authority to herself. A weakling will remain a target for ridicule, even if he can pull himself up on the horizontal bar more times than his classmates, they will continue to laugh at an excellent student, even if he specifically smokes and grabs a couple. Mobbing is typical for schools, where adults do not pester students with nothing but lessons and behavior takes its course. Children take pleasure in rallying against someone, it gives them the feeling that they are better. Such is the peculiarity of the psychology of “immature” groups. (By the way, “developed” teams break up into separate hostile groups, which from a psychological point of view is a healthier phenomenon.)

Now, with the disappearance class hours, pioneers, collections of waste paper and other school circles of embroidery on wood, mobbing has become a noticeable problem. You alone with him, alas, can not cope. You must sound the alarm in the parent committee so that a professional psychologist can work with the class and teach this gang not to assert themselves at the expense of someone, but to get along as a group in which there is a place for everyone.

“At the same time, it does not matter that the mobbing is not against your child, but against someone else in his class,” emphasizes our consultant.

Intervene. Otherwise, everything may end in an emergency, which will force the NTV brigade, drooling, to rush towards your school. But in high school, the absence of friends from the offspring should not bother you. You don’t communicate with people who are unpleasant to you (well, not counting your neighbor in the stairwell, whose heresy you are forced to assent, if only he would leave you behind and let him smoke in peace). So your stunner is already ripe for such informed decisions.

“For high school students, the problem of “to be friends or not to be friends” is of an ideological nature,” says Ms. Sviridova. -You should not worry about the loneliness of the child. You must respect his choice."

In the next part, our expert will tell you.