How to learn to be happy in marriage? Happy marriage

How to be happy in marriage ... This question is asked not only by women who celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary with their husband. Question, how to be happy in marriage, those who have recently acquired the status of a married lady often ask themselves. But, despite age differences, the recipe for happiness is absolutely the same for all people. The main values ​​in life are love, children, work, more precisely, career success, self-realization. These values ​​are in the first place in the life of both women and men. Happiness is, first of all, harmony within oneself. This is where you need to start changing your life.

The right attitude

The answer to the question how to be happy in marriage is analogous to how to become loved. After all, it is always important for a woman to feel like a woman, at any age, regardless of status. Remaining desirable for your spouse is not easy, especially with the burden of household chores, child care. Difficulties, everyday life should be considered not as a hindrance to personal happiness, but as an incentive to strengthen one's family happiness. It is very difficult to be a good mother, a good housewife and a lover at the same time. If there are any difficulties on the way, you need to remember how much has been experienced so that the life lived does not seem in vain.

Towards love

Many women cannot understand what is the reason that a man has lost interest in his wife. It would seem that everything remained in its place: home bathrobe, cozy fluffy slippers, delicious lunch and dinner, the house is tidy and clean. But women do not think that a simple dressing gown can decorate a young girl, but turn an adult lady into a unkempt, tired hostess. To be happy and loved, it is not enough to cook well and have an accommodating character. To question how to be happy in marriage, sounded only from the outside, you need to go towards love, for example, skiing. Sport is something that diversifies life, returns a beautiful form and love of a man.

home comfort

Relationships in the family and extramarital relationships have both similarities and differences. The answer to the question how to be happy in the family, there will also be a home improvement. A man who decides to start a family needs not only love, attention. In order for the husband to look forward to returning home, you need to not only arrange life, but do it with pleasure. If you can’t properly arrange an apartment on your own, you can take the advice of professionals. For example, furnish a house according to Feng Shui, dividing the space into several zones, namely the zone of love, children, career or homework.

Love is a game

Having lived with a person even for a year, a habit arises. It affects the fact that the embarrassment to do something in the presence of her husband, for example, to eat, gradually disappears. A woman gets used to and is not afraid to seem different than when meeting. This is the main mistake that women make in relation to a man. You can never fully open up to a man. It does not mean that you need to hide something from your husband or not share your experiences. A man is always to be played with. Transform from caring mothers into an inaccessible cold beauty. For those who have forgotten how to do this, you can try to play in public.

The most difficult thing is not to find your happiness, your man, but to keep it. So that the relationship with her husband is as passionate, tender and devoted as in the early years family life, you need to keep a man in suspense. On the one hand, a man must trust his wife, not be afraid to confess his secrets. But on the other hand, to doubt what kind of woman is next to him. There is no single opinion as to who a man is looking for. Some psychologists believe that a man needs a wife-mother, others believe that men are looking for snow queens to earn their love. In order not to doubt the choice, it is best to combine both images.

A happy marriage is always a game in which it may be necessary to show one's strength, but one should not strive to defeat a partner. I want to remember one married couple, which for several generations of viewers has become the embodiment of an ideal union not only on the screen, but also in real life.
Lauren Bacall (1924-2014) was born on September 16, 1924. She made her debut in 1943 and starred for 70 years. One of the greatest stars of cinema, Lauren Bacall was far from the usual Hollywood standards. The strength of character inherent in her was brighter than ordinary good looks. She carried her own image of beauty.

She said: "I think that your whole life is written on the face, and you should be proud of it."

In her autobiography, she wrote: "If you look at my troubles, the biggest of them is that all happiness fell on me at once in my youth, and I could never return it. I worked as a usher in the theater and slept in the same bed with my mother in a small apartment when director Howard Hawks invited me to a screen test in Hollywood. Thus began the most brilliant chapter of my life, which ended with the death of my husband Humphrey Bogart.

When they met, Bacall was nineteen and Bogart was forty-five. He called her Baby.
"He was so patient and loving and funny and smart. A man of honor who lived according to the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule, and absolutely intolerant of lies. He was the most amazing man that ever walked this earth. Nobody did not write a better novel than the one we lived."

Before meeting Lauren Bacall in 1943, Humphrey Bogart had been married three times; all his wives were actresses. In 1943, director Howard Hawks invited Bogart to star in his film To Have and Have Not, a free-form adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's novel of the same name. The director did not have an actress for the main female role at that time. When Hawkes' wife saw aspiring model Lauren Bacall, who at that time was only eighteen years old, on the cover of Harper's Bazaar magazine and invited her husband to call her for an audition, Hawkes decided not to miss his chance.

Bacall traveled from New York to Los Angeles, where she auditioned and met Hawkes and his wife Nancy. Both of them contributed to the transformation of the young and inexperienced Bacall into the stylish, self-confident, charming woman that she appeared in To Have and Have Not. However, on the very first day of filming, it turned out that Bacall was so nervous in front of the camera that he could hardly act. Bogart, with whom she had only met a couple of times before, immediately showed himself good friend, exchanging jokes with the actress and trying to make her feel at home, create an atmosphere of friendliness around her. Bacall found a way out: in order to hide her nervous trepidation, she began to speak, bowing her head low and looking at Bogart frowningly. This look became her trademark and overnight made her a Hollywood sex symbol, but Bacall did not forget the support of her famous partner.

Bogart from the very beginning was fascinated and intrigued not only by the beauty of Betty (such is the real name of Bacall), but also by her straightforwardness, honesty, a combination of strength of character and femininity, naivety and prudence. The actress later recalled that their relationship developed gradually, almost imperceptibly to themselves. A few weeks into filming, they were chatting in her dressing room when Bogart unexpectedly leaned over and kissed Lauren. After that, she wrote her phone number on a crumpled box of matches, which he took out of his pocket. A week later, they filmed the most famous scene of To Have and Have Not: Bacall stands in the doorway and says in his incredible low voice, "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow." The expression with which Bogart looks at his partner in this scene is not achieved by any of the most brilliant acting. It was love.

Bogart was known as a faithful husband and had never had an affair with his co-stars before, unlike many Hollywood stars. But his relationship with Bacall from the very beginning did not resemble a banal affair. They walked around the set, hugging each other, seizing every free minute to spend it together. It's hard to believe that Humphrey Bogart, always so ironic, opinionated and tough on screen, actually wrote these full of love and the sadness of the line: "Even if I lose you, I will not stop loving you; after all, you are my last love, and all my life I will protect you and help you if you ever need help."

In 1944, after the overwhelming success of To Have and Have Not, Hawkes decided to take advantage of the attraction between Bogart and Bacall, which literally shone on the screen, and invited them to shoot in the film noir "Deep Sleep". Their relationship resumed, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall married just a few months after filming ended on May 21, 1945.
They lived together for twelve years, until Bogart's death in 1957. Bacall sacrificed a lot of her career to be a really good wife to Bogart; but she always said that she did it voluntarily and with joy. They starred together in two more films ("Black Stripe" and "Key Largo"). Bacall accompanied Bogart on the set of The African Queen, which took place on location in the jungle; she washed clothes, cooked food, looked after the sick members of the film crew, until she herself fell ill from dysentery. In 1949, the couple had a son, whom they named Stephen after Bogart's character from To Have and Have Not. And in 1952, the Bogarts had a daughter, Leslie, named after Leslie Howard, a Hollywood actor and close friend of Bogart, who died in World War II.

In 1956, Bogart was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Bacall nursed him until his death in 1957. At his funeral, she placed a golden whistle in his grave - a reminder of the same line from "To have and not to have": "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? .."
After Bogart's death, Bacall moved to New York City, where she became a successful stage actress and won two Tony Awards, remarried (to actor Jason Robards, whom she divorced in 1969) and had a third child. She continued to act in films - Robert Altman ("Pret-a-porter", 1994) and Lars von Trier ("Dogville", 2003). But in every interview she spoke about Bogart, and all her words were imbued with a feeling that is timeless.

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Even the best families have troubles that they diligently hide not only from others, but also from themselves. Lack of intimacy, unhealthy addictions, different kinds violence (psychological, physical), codependency - these and other problems are passed from generation to generation. People disperse and only a few find the strength to build the next stronger union, starting of course with themselves. After all, much in the family begins, of course, with a woman. We are able to decorate life not only for our partner, but first of all, to create a real happy life for ourselves. After all, you can hope for a worthy man all your life, but until we ourselves begin to change our habits and attitudes that prevent us from living in harmony, first of all with ourselves, nothing around will change.

Couples who are happily married are not smarter, richer, or prettier than couples living in marital hell. There is only one, but significant difference between them: happy couples do not allow the negative to prevail over the positive, says conflict expert, director of the Conflict Resolution Center Irina Tarasova

Sometimes I just need to watch a husband and wife discuss any issue on which they disagree, no matter what area it is: raising children, financial difficulties, buying a car on credit or going on vacation. Jokes, coquetry, tenderness, smiles, confidential or sincere intonation are positive signals. Negative signals include eye rolling, sarcasm, etc. The ideal ratio is five positive signals to one negative signal. - says practicing conflict expert Irina Tarasova (Director of the Irina Tarasova Conflict Resolution Center)

What advice from an expert psychologist should be put into practice right now?!

1. "FILTER" YOUR STATEMENTS

Women who try to criticize their spouse less, discussing sensitive issues, feel happier. The reaction of a man and the result of negotiations in a positive direction always brings the greatest efficiency.

2. Don't be afraid to raise the bar

Successful marriages are those in which partners refuse to tolerate neglect from the very beginning. The lower the level of tolerance for such partner behavior, the happier the couple will be. It is necessary to designate your boundaries, while not crossing the boundaries of your partner.

3. DON'T PUT OFF SEEKING HELP

Feeling that something is wrong with their marriage, the average couple prefers to wait 6 years before seeking professional help. Approximately half of all marriages break up after 7 years. After that, creating new relationships, women step on the same rake, having reached the same period in the relationship.

4. Speak ABOUT THE PROBLEM always, but CAREFULLY!

Many disputes begin with claims, or with criticism. it the right way wallow in emotions, discussing long-standing grievances and affairs of bygone days, and thus deprive yourself of hope for a constructive solution to the problem.

5. LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER

True partnership is possible only when both spouses are able to meet each other halfway. This is usually good for women, but it doesn’t hurt for men to master the art of compromise. For example, a husband should be willing to change his plans at the request of his wife. Otherwise, he's taking a big risk with his marriage.

6. LEARN TO END A DISPUTE IN TIME

Learn to back off and remember that marital quarrels are sometimes like verbal aikido: in order to win, sometimes you have to give in. Your spouse needs to constantly demonstrate that you respect his feelings and appreciate what he does. Use the phrases "I am grateful and want to thank you for ...", "I understand how difficult it is for you", "This is our common problem." If the dispute turns into a quarrel, take a timeout of 20 minutes. Return to the discussion when both are ready to discuss the issue in a calm state.

7. HARMONIOUS EDUCATION OF CHILDREN with due attention and without overprotection. Take enough time to communicate with your baby, find out about his feelings. Learn to talk openly about your feelings with your child. Speaking of his wrong deeds, be sure to tell about his merits. Children are indicators of the atmosphere in the family. If there is constant resentment in the family parent-child will not be calm and happy being with dad or mom - he always needs to spend time together. The child is harmful, draws attention to himself with negative actions - the problem is yours, and only yours !!! Paying attention to the child, you will get full returns. And vice versa.

Parental overprotection also brings the most Negative consequences. A child, crossing into adulthood, remains a defenseless Child, unable to take a step without the help of mom or dad.

And finally, remember that in a happy marriage, spouses, discussing problems, say 5 times more pleasant things to each other than unpleasant things.

What is the virtue of a wife, woman, mother? In the ability to understand what the husband, the child wants, what makes him happy, while designating and communicating so that the man, the child will hear your interests. And it is always only your responsibility. Only then, being close to your family, you and all family members will be comfortable with each other.

I wish true female happiness to every woman!

“And they lived happily ever after”: such a prospect of a relationship pleases women. But many complain that love leaves their relationship, passion fades, interest in each other disappears, happiness disappears. What to do to prevent this, how to become happy in marriage with your husband? Let's try to answer these questions.

If you look, a lot of books have been written about how to become happy in marriage, many articles have been published on how to find harmony in relationships, hundreds of femininity trainings are held daily. Women are ready to do a lot for the sake of their family, they are ready to study the psychology of men, they are ready to be the best cook, friend, lover, hostess, wife, mother for men ... and at the same time remain a submissive and gentle girl ...

Isn't that too much? This question will arise for many. Perhaps. But the women who managed to do all this say that it is not difficult, they say that this is all given to a woman by nature. Being such, a woman blossoms and lights the way for her man.

How to Be Happy in Marriage to Your Husband

Every woman wants to be happy in marriage. But everyone has their own happiness. Someone feels good when the house is full of children, it annoys someone. Therefore, to become happy in marriage is both easy and difficult. It is difficult in the sense that if we want to achieve happiness, we need to fulfill certain conditions.

Our delusions that happiness is difficult to achieve can also interfere with becoming happy in marriage. We think that what comes easily cannot be happiness, happiness must be earned and suffered.

Instead of being really happy, we begin to get happiness, invent limitations and obstacles for ourselves.

How can you still be happy in marriage?

Determine the parameters of your happiness in marriage

Being happy in marriage is the goal. To achieve it, you need to see and know this goal. What does it mean to you to be happily married? How will you know that you are happy in your marriage? Otherwise, this long-awaited happiness may come, and you will not pay attention to it. If the state of happiness in marriage for you is when your husband loves you, designate for yourself how you will understand that he loves you (he carries you in his arms, says compliments, invites you to the cinema ...). The more parameters you find, the easier it will be for you to achieve your goal. Designating the parameters of your happiness is like playing mother-daughter. That is, literally taste and color these parameters. You can create a collage that depicts yourself happily married and your family nearby.

Indicate that what is happening in the family gives you pleasure.

To begin to feel happy in marriage, there are few decorations, they need to be filled with specific things that bring pleasure. You can literally make a list of everything that made you happy in your life together with your spouse, indicate what you cannot imagine your life without. life together. It can be gatherings in a cafe, reading books, shopping, etc. Check your list, mark what was successful and what was not. Add something new. Pay attention to what you can not implement in any way. What's stopping you from doing this? How can it be implemented?

Live here and now

It is impossible to be happy in marriage yesterday and tomorrow. Happiness is felt only today. Your order is only present. If your thoughts are focused only on what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, then you will never be able to experience happiness. If nothing makes you happy here and now, then the future may also not please you.

Consider your want and can

Happiness is built on our desires and resources, consider your want and ability. It’s not enough to dream about something, you also need to understand how to realize everything, otherwise the goals turn into castles in the air that collapse, leaving disappointment in their place. Remember those parameters and the list that you made, what you really want and are ready to fulfill in order to become a happy marriage. Your list should only include what you can accomplish on your own.

One of the most effective ways to become happy in marriage is not to be afraid of the "roller coaster" in marital relations, to resolve conflicts, to negotiate, to hear each other.

Emotional balance. Want details? Imagine a sunny morning, you wake up, go to the kitchen and cook fried eggs for your beloved. But here's the problem. Everything stuck to the pan, your husband did not appreciate such a breakfast and gave it to the dog. You are upset, ran to the bathroom, where you cried for half a day.

The first thing to do in order to become happy in marriage is to learn how to regulate your emotional state. You know that the husband with the most patience will not be able to live normally next to a touchy, irritable, yelling wife. Try not to waste your life energy. Learn not to pay too much attention to the little things.

Of course, you will say that our life consists of little things, but believe me, the one who knows how to consider some things unimportant is happier. Indeed, in the situation with the fried eggs described above, what is more important to you is your mental health or a failed fried egg.

Many women believe that cleanliness and order in the house is much more important than a healthy microclimate. For a person, love is much more important than grated pans.

Show love and care for your inner world. To become happy in marriage, you need to start treating yourself with love, paying attention to your inner world, which is sorely lacking in the fast pace of life. This must have a place in your life. Set aside an hour in your schedule for your hobbies and hobbies.

Each of us has reserves of creative energy, you just need to direct it in the right direction. It is worth doing our own development every day, otherwise we will get lost in the stream of trifles, confusion and routine that take away all our strength.

New skills in our life will not be superfluous. Realize your dreams and ideas in marriage, it is not necessary to do this together with your husband or wait for his proposal, take responsibility into your own hands. No one else can give you a sense of fulfillment except you. Maybe you want to learn how to embroider or sing, maybe you dream of running your own blog, get down to business, don't sacrifice your dreams. A woman who could not realize herself as she wanted to will be unhappy even with the best husband.

Let's not forget about our appearance. How much time do you spend on your appearance? How can you be happy in marriage if you don't love yourself. We are all well aware that hair, skin, teeth, body need daily care. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. When you feel attractive, you become much happier.

Set aside at least a small amount of money for yourself and visit a beauty salon once a month. This is a profitable investment. A neat appearance for a woman is necessary for self-confidence. Husbands often complain not about wives who invest in themselves, but about wives who do not look after their appearance.

Don't avoid fights. Conflicts and showdowns are not an apocalypse, these are completely normal and natural moments in a couple's life. The happiest wives sometimes quarrel with their husbands. This is not the end of a marriage. Conflict helps us overcome differences for the sake of shared happiness.

Remember tenderness. Ask each other how your day went, help make the bed, kiss and hug. It is very important. Love is expressed in such pleasant little things. Tell each other that you want to help in everything that each other’s life is important to you, thank each other for being able to spend a day together ... When I don’t forget about tenderness in a couple, it doesn’t matter what day you had: bad or good, it is important that you have each other.

Go for a compromise. In life there is always room for concessions and compromises. If you want to become happy in marriage, then sometimes you have to give up something for the sake of your partner's happiness. Remember that you are looking for a compromise for the sake of your joint happiness, and not for your partner.

How to become happy in marriage - advice from a psychologist

Building relationships is hard. Saving a marriage is even harder. This article is about how a man who was once married and is now divorced, at the cost of his marriage, learned to behave in a new way in relationships. And although his marriage would not save anything, he was able to learn from this and learned how to make his next marriage successful. How good is life if it has nothing to teach you? We have prepared for you 10 rules of how not to behave in marriage. Perhaps some advice will help save your relationship.

Think beyond yourself

Choose your words carefully. Harsh, unrestrained language is destroying your marriage.

If you distance yourself from your spouse and hide your feelings, this will lead to misunderstandings between you. Be more open.

When talking about your spouse's parents or family members, be careful and restrained in your language. Even if they really are not very good people.

Why do you need a spouse if you spend all your time on your phone? Put it aside, please, and make time for your loved one.

Don't move away from each other

Find an opportunity to put off work and other things and spend a quiet evening just the two of you. If you do not sometimes spend time in this way, sooner or later you will drift away from each other.

Do you always have to be right? Constant disagreement with other people's opinions and disputes will lead to the fact that your spouse will be unhappy.

Don't get in the habit of sleeping in different rooms or in different beds.

Frequent criticism causes dissatisfaction with each other. And resentment is not the best ally of marital relations.

Do not forget to say and prove by actions that you love your spouse, otherwise he will feel miserable and unnecessary.

Accept your spouse for who he is. Whether he's loud, quirky, quiet, or weird, don't try to change the person he is and you love.