Away demeanor. Etiquette and rules of conduct at a party. How to properly use cutlery

Everyone loves to go to parties, birthdays or just friendly tea parties, but only a few know how to properly behave at a party. Firstly, according to the rules of etiquette, in no case should you visit without an invitation. This can interfere with the plans of the owners and put them in a very uncomfortable position, because at this time they can go about their business and walk around the house, for example, in a nightgown. Also, you can not come to visit with strangers. This can put in an awkward position not only the owners, but also the uninvited guest. In addition, it is not recommended to take children and pets to visit when their appearance was not expected.

Away culture

According to the rules of etiquette, when you arrive at your home, you must immediately take off your hat and greet the owners. Hugging or shaking hands is allowed only after the gloves are removed. If it is raining outside, the umbrella must be folded and left in the hallway. In no case should it be laid out and placed in the middle of the room. If the door to the dwelling was opened not by the owners, but by someone else, then you need to enter the room where all the guests gathered, greet everyone first, and then, according to the rules of conduct, approach the owners separately.

Etiquette says that when a guest asks you to go into the room first, then only a woman or a man older than the owners can use this, the rest can enter the room only after the owners of the home. According to generally accepted rules, a man should always open the door in front of a woman and let her go ahead, and on the street give way. You need to greet those present by shaking hands only slightly. Few people know that a woman should be the first to give a hand when shaking hands, but this must be taken into account. Greetings to each guest should be the same; according to the rules of ethics, guests should not be singled out. If there are strangers in the company, the owners should introduce them to each other.

When communicating with the hosts or other guests, in no case should you fold your hands, put them in your pockets, drive them around various things, or constantly touch the interlocutor. If there is a bag in the hands, it cannot be constantly opened and closed, it is best to put it in an accessible place. When visiting with an interlocutor, you need to behave the way you would like him to treat you. Therefore, you do not need to turn your back on him, smoke if he is a non-smoker, make noise, laugh out loud, complain about problems.

According to the etiquette of behavior at a party, sitting down at the table, you need to move your chair closer, and with both hands. Young people should not sit down in their seats until the women and the older man sit down.

When visiting, you need to behave in such a way that no one sees your bad mood, if any, as this in most cases will spoil the overall atmosphere of the holiday. In no case should you show your dissatisfaction with the company or treats. The offered dishes also cannot be refused. If you don't want to eat them, you can just say that you will try them later.

Do not forget about the rules of behavior for children at a party. You should not let your child run around the rooms screaming, touch everything without permission, eat with your hands or dirty objects. It is necessary to ensure that the culture of the child's behavior is on top.

And finally, you should not stay too long at a party, because it can tire the hosts very much. Just imagine how much effort was spent on creating a festive atmosphere, how many hours the hostess spent near the stove. At the end of the holiday, they just want to relax, but, of course, they will not be able to kick you out. Therefore, you need to be polite and know the measure in everything.

Many people like to visit and have a good time there. However, how much fun the pastime will be depends on both the host of the event and the guest. It is very important to be able to behave properly at a party, as well as to be a good host who will provide interesting leisure time for visiting friends. It is worth considering in more detail the various subtleties and basic rules of behavior at a party.

Peculiarities

We can say that modern etiquette greatly simplifies people's lives. It implies not so many mandatory rules that you need to follow point by point - you can read them briefly. Previously, etiquette even provided for such subtleties as the length of a skirt, women's shoes, and many other rules. All these prescriptions have little in common with today's recommendations on how to behave at a party.

It is especially important to know the rules good behavior when you are going to visit strangers, because everyone wants to make a good impression on new friends. This is what etiquette was invented for: knowing it will help you feel more confident among new acquaintances, you can avoid unpleasant situations. Etiquette dictates not only the rules of behavior for guests, but also the rules for their reception by the hosts.

Behavior rules

The culture of inviting and receiving guests is very important. First of all, it is the owner who sets the tone for the holiday in his house.

Invitation

Start with an invitation. It is important to remember that you need to invite guests a week before the appointed date, no later than, so that it would be more convenient for them to make their schedule, as well as prepare for your holiday. If someone cannot come, you cannot ask the person for the reason, as it may be too personal.

It is advisable to invite the same number of girls and guys so that everyone can find an interlocutor.

It turns out very ugly when several girls and only one young man are visiting - and vice versa. Such events put in an uncomfortable position not only the invited person, but also the owner himself. Such a guest has to devote more time than the rest, so that he does not feel lonely.

If you invite friends to a birthday party, in no case do not demand a specific gift from them. Such requests look very ugly and can permanently spoil the impression of you.

How to use?

When you, taking into account the basic rules of etiquette, invite guests, you will need to prepare for the holiday and learn how to properly receive them. When compiling the menu, it is advisable to take into account the preferences of the invitees, which you know about. Remember: if one of your friends is allergic to a particular product, it is advisable to remove it from the list or warn the guest about its presence in a particular dish. However, this should be done in a whisper so that no one around can hear.

The host should receive guests, in no case a housekeeper or guests who have already arrived. It is important to greet friends with a smile and help them undress, and then show new guests to the room with the rest.

In the event that the invited person is familiar with everyone, you can safely go about your business; if not, then you should definitely introduce the newcomer - to prevent an awkward situation.

When more than half of the guests have gathered, it will be possible to offer them drinks or light snacks. In the event that someone is very late, it is worth waiting no more than 15 minutes, and then it will be possible to invite everyone to the table.

Dishes are served strictly in turn: appetizers should already be on the table, the first dish is brought to those who wish, and after that the second (hot) ones are put on the table. Offer food to the oldest guest first: this attitude will show you as a host who respects his friends. It is considered not very nice to ask if someone liked your dish or not. If you like it, you will definitely be informed about it yourself.

Try to maintain positive attitude all invitees and offer interesting topics for communication. Make time for each friend and smile more often. Let your friends know that you are happy with them.

Etiquette for guests

When going to an event, it is very important to think over certain details that will show you as a responsible and well-mannered guest. After receiving the invitation, be sure to thank the host and let him know if you are coming or not. In the event that you still cannot come, call a friend in advance and let him know so that he has time to invite someone else. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to talk about the reason for your absence, just apologize.

It is advisable to think over the clothes for the holiday in advance: they should be neat, clean and match the theme of the evening.

Take care of purchasing a gift, because it is very impolite to come to visit empty-handed. If you are going to a birthday party, try to find a gift that will please the birthday person. If you are just invited for lunch or dinner, you can buy a box of chocolates and good wine. These universal gifts useful to any host, and you thereby show your respect and gratitude for the invitation.

They come to visit on time. You can not be late or come too early, as this may put the host in an uncomfortable position, who is not yet quite ready for the reception. If you are late, it is advisable to warn about this by phone and apologize.

Good manners in a strange house

As soon as you cross the threshold of someone else's house, you automatically become a guest. After that, it is necessary to behave according to the rules that are prescribed by etiquette. You have certain requirements.

Entering the apartment, say hello and thank you again for the invitation, give the owner your gift and wait until he takes you to the room with the rest of the guests. Say hello to everyone and try to join the general conversation.

It is important to remember not to talk too much. Do not interrupt others or tell everyone about your problems. Try to be dignified and positive, do not sit silently all evening and wait for the host to entertain you. Treat the other person with respect and listen carefully.

It is advisable not to forget about the time and leave the evening not too late, as the owners will still have a lot to do to put their house in order. Before leaving, be sure to thank them for the warm welcome, and the rest for a pleasant evening.

Behavior at the table

Rules of conduct for festive table enough. It is not necessary to strictly adhere to everyone, especially when you are at a friendly dinner. However, there are basic norms that must always be considered in order to be a pleasant and polite person.

When you just arrived, you should immediately sit down at the table only if everyone else is already sitting. Otherwise, you run the risk of being considered an ill-mannered person.

You should not reach for the desired dish across the entire table, it is better to ask your neighbor to pass it to you. Never criticize the dish of the hostess, on the contrary, she will be pleased with any praise. During the dialogue, try to turn to face your interlocutor and do not eat at this time.

The cutlery should be held firmly enough. Bring it to your mouth very carefully so that the food does not fall back onto the plate. The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right. After you finish your meal, place your cutlery on a plate.

If a call comes in on your cell phone, apologize quietly to your guests and leave the room. It is very indecent to talk loudly while sitting at a table surrounded by guests.

Guest etiquette for schoolchildren

Not only adults, but also children love to visit. As a rule, when visiting relatives, many take their sons and daughters with them. In this case, you should first have a conversation with the child and tell him about the rules of behavior at a party. In that case, if the baby is still naughty, you don’t need to scold him in front of everyone - just make a remark in a whisper.

Another thing is if the child is going to go to the birthday party of one of his classmates. In this case, certain rules of etiquette will apply. Remember that you can not take a child to a holiday if he is not expected there. It is advisable to receive an invitation personally from the parent of the hero of the occasion.

If one child received an invitation, then there is no need to bring the younger or older ones to visit - the table may not be designed for them. Try not to be late, as at children's parties, as a rule, there is a plan that is painted in great detail.

Tell your child that when entering the house, he must greet his friend and his parents, and then give a gift. When approached with any proposal, the answer must be clear and polite. At the table, you should eat carefully and slowly.

When we come to visit, especially to unfamiliar people, a lot of questions arise. The answers to them are not always obvious: what to do if you accidentally break the host's service, how to behave when you are persistently offered to pick up the remaining treats, is it decent to ask for more? AiF.ru helped to understand them teacher-consultant on etiquette and business protocol Tatyana Nikolaeva.

1. Is it proper to bring your own drinks and food to a party if for some reason you have not coordinated them with the hostess' menu?

There is one important rule: all drinks (food) that guests bring with them, decent people should put on the table. Naturally, a situation may arise that your alcohol (dish) simply does not fit into the already created menu. For this reason, I would recommend choosing versatile drinks, such as cognac. Another option - you can bring something and tell the hostess that it is for her personally, her family. Then she has the right not to put your edible presents on the table.

As for some dishes that you spontaneously decide to take with you, it is better to refrain from such an idea. Suddenly your salad will be the same as the hostess's, and the guests will begin to compare them. Hardly anyone will like it.

2. Is it ok to ask for more?

If there is enough food, your request will only please the hostess, for her this is a kind of praise. But when the last spoon remains, she herself must either distribute it among those who wish, or offer it to someone who especially leaned on the dish.

In general, there is nothing criminal in such a request. For example, there was the last piece of cake left. You may well share it in half with a neighbor or someone who sits opposite. If they do not support your initiative, say out loud the following phrase: “since everyone refuses, I, with your permission, will eat this piece of cake.”

3. How to give up alcohol if for some reason you do not drink?

Refer to the doctor's ban. But this can provoke another question from others: “What happened to you?”. Therefore, such option is suitable for unfamiliar companies, where you are unlikely to be asked about the details.

In the event that you do not drink according to your ideological convictions, it is absolutely not necessary to voice them to the assembled guests. Just limit yourself to the phrase: "I don't drink."

Also, in order not to attract attention to yourself, you can always pretend that you are drinking (wet your lips with champagne - put a glass). However, there is another danger here - in any company there are people who consider it their duty to get everyone around to drink. It is unlikely that your little lie will hide from their eyes.

4. If you don't eat a salad ingredient, can you carefully take it out and leave it on your plate while eating the rest of the dish?

It's better to skip the food altogether. Picking out onions, peas, any other ingredient based on your taste preferences will spoil the appetite of others.

Another question is when a person has medical contraindications (for example, allergies). It is better to immediately voice them quietly to the hostess. And she will already tell you what you can eat and what not.

Again, you don't need to tell everyone that you are a vegan or fasting at the moment. This is personal information. By the way, I remind you that fasting is not only a refusal of food, but also a refusal of some kind of entertainment. Since you have decided to limit yourself in food, sit at home, you do not need to visit guests.

5. How to behave if you see a dirty spoon or a hair in a salad?

Of course, in such a delicate situation, it is not necessary to demonstrate either one or the other. A good hostess is always watching whether guests are eating or sitting idly by. In the latter situation, she will certainly ask: “Is something wrong?”. At this point, you should quietly say: "Replace me, please, portion." This phrase is enough for the hostess to fulfill your request without asking too many questions.

You can also take the initiative yourself and quietly, without attracting the attention of guests, ask to replace the plate.

6. Is it possible not to finish eating some dish?

Yes, we all have our own taste preferences. The hostess cannot know them. But a well-mannered person will never say that, for example, he does not like fish (any other product), so he will not eat it. He will agree to try the dish, just ask to put a very small portion, for example, saying that he has already eaten. In addition, it is very important to praise the hostess, so you show respect for her efforts.

7. Is it necessary to warn the hosts that you will not come to the celebration alone?

Definitely, because people expect a certain number of servings, seats and so on. Without the permission of the owners, you can not bring anyone with you, even children. Things like this need to be discussed. To clarify the situation, you can use the phrase: "I would love to come to visit, but, unfortunately, I have no one to leave the child with." If the owners tell you - it's okay, come with the children, then you will clear conscience you can do it.

8. Is it appropriate to offer your help to the hostess, for example, to bring dishes to the table, wash the dishes, etc.?

It all depends on the degree of closeness with your host. When you are not very close, of course, you should offer help, but you should never insist. If the hostess said: "Thank you, I myself." Do not cross. Also, you can’t dispose of in someone else’s kitchen, get into the refrigerator, cabinets, etc.

I note one more important point: washing dishes in the presence of guests is wrong. This is a kind of hint that it's time for everyone to leave. The only thing that can justify you in such a situation is the lack of dishes for serving the following dishes.

9. How late is it acceptable?

Late arrivals are allowed only 15 minutes. This is just the time when the guests arrive. Not everyone can show up exactly at the appointed time. By the way, keep in mind that arriving earlier than the deadline is also ugly. The maximum that you can afford in this case is 10 minutes (before the start of the celebration).

If, for some reason, you are delayed for more than 15 minutes, call the hostess and tell them to start the feast without you.

10. If you accidentally broke (broken) something in the house, how to get out of this situation?

Any material damage must be compensated. But this does not mean that you should drop everything and run to the store for new glasses. Offering money is also not always correct. In such a situation, it is better to bring back what you accidentally broke. I want to emphasize that the owners should behave with dignity in this situation. If, because of a guest, your favorite glasses have inadvertently turned into fragments, there is no need to lament about this.

11. How to ask for a dish that is far from you?

It is quite correct to ask the person who sits closest to him to pass the dish. You can also donate your plate to have it served to you. But there is a slight difficulty here - it is transmitted with devices, and this is not always convenient.

If we are talking about a lady, she refers to the man who is on her left. Let me remind you that in ideal guests are seated through one: a man - a woman, a man - a woman. The guest turns to him: "Could you, Ivan Petrovich, ask me to pass that salad over there." And already Ivan Petrovich is acting according to the scheme, which I mentioned above.

12. Is it appropriate to take shoes and slippers with you when you are invited to visit?

To begin with, it is inappropriate to take off guests' shoes. It is not right. But, you see, few people want to sit for New Year's table in winter boots and boots. Therefore, taking a change of shoes with you is a great solution.

Of course, when you dropped in on a friend for a cup of coffee, you may well walk around her apartment in socks (pantyhose), but if we are talking about some kind of gala dinner where the ladies put on evening dresses, such a view is inappropriate. It is important to choose interchangeable shoes for your outfit. This rule applies to both men and women. Only shoes, no slippers!

13. When you are invited to visit, is it possible to ask the hosts who else will be present at the party?

Asking questions like this is ugly. However, good hosts themselves must make it clear to the guests what kind of party they are planning. Of course, no one will give you the names of all the invitees by name, they will simply outline the picture in general terms. For example: there will be colleagues from work, my mother, relatives, etc. Thus, you will understand the level of the upcoming event and choose the appropriate outfit and image.

14. When we go into the bathroom to wash our hands, is it necessary to ask the hostess for a towel, or is it better not to disturb her?

Wiping yourself with the master's towels is bad form. Never do this. To avoid similar situations, you need to prepare for them. Prepare a pile of clean towels for guests with an urn (basket) where they can be thrown away. In extreme cases, use thick, disposable wipes for the same purpose (also with a bin for disposal).

15. How to behave when the hostess insistently invites you to take something from the treats?

If we are talking about close people, then it is quite possible to agree to such a proposal. But when we are dealing with relationships of a completely different level, the hostess should not offer such things, and you have the right to refuse. The main thing is that you yourself do not ask for anything from the festive table.

16. What topics are better not to raise at the festive table?

Definitely, you should not raise topics that will lead guests to disputes, discussions and quarrels. I mean politics, sports (if fans of different teams have gathered). Do not discuss bad news, even when it is socially significant, health issues. Of course, you should not gossip about other people.

17. Is it possible to ask the hostess to serve tea or coffee before they bring sweets?

Remember: you do not need to demonstrate your habits in a strange house. It is better to follow the program of the owners, because everything that goes against their plans causes some inconvenience. Even if you really wanted tea or coffee, the most you can do is ask for a glass of water. It is easier to fulfill such a request than to make a hot drink.

18. When is it appropriate to leave and how to respond to the persuasion of the owners to stay and sit a little more?

If you know that you will have to leave early, arrange this in advance. And, since you are leaving the event critically early, it is better to say goodbye only to the hosts.

The serving of tea and coffee indicates that the program has come to an end and after about 15-30 minutes after that you need to get ready for home. As for persuasion to stay: if you decide to leave, leave. Do not give in to requests to stay for another half an hour. Otherwise, you might just annoy people.

If you are invited to a birthday party

When going to friends or relatives for a birthday, of course, you need to think not only about how to dress, but also about how to prepare a gift.

It is customary to take care of the gift in advance. After all, the main thing is that the gift brings joy to the person to whom it is intended. Never give anything you don't need or don't like. Remember what your friend loves, what thing he would especially like to have. He will be pleased to know that you are so attentive. But in no case should you brag about how hard the gift cost you, or ever remind you that it was you who gave this little thing to your friend.

Do not try to spend a lot of money on a gift. Everyone understands that you yourself do not earn money yet, but you take it from your parents. In addition, an expensive gift always embarrasses the person to whom it is intended. Better try to show fiction, make a pleasant surprise out of your congratulations.

The best gifts are those made with my own hands . If you know how, be sure to make something, sew, knit, bake for your friend. To paint a picture or compose a poem and make a dedication to a friend is always the most precious sign of attention and love.

You can draw a congratulatory newspaper or a postcard, come up with funny texts on your own, draw pictures, use photographs. Or you can make a photo album that tells about the life or achievements of your friend by making interesting captions for photos.

You can also come up with an interesting and fun quiz with funny prizes for guests and the hero of the occasion.

Such congratulations are remembered for a long time and are usually carefully stored. The main thing is to make sure that your congratulations do not cause resentment and disappointment.

A good gift can be not only an audio or video cassette, computer or board game, but also an exhibit in a friend's collection - a coin, a book, a stamp, a pen, soft toy. Any collector will be happy with a gift that will add to his collection.

Be sure to think about how to arrange a gift. It's best to wrap it in a special gift paper, put in a box or purse, again made of bright paper or plastic, which are sold in stores.

Flowers and sweets are always appropriate and nice gifts for all. True, more recently it was customary to give flowers without any packaging. But modern designers are now coming up with such original packaging methods for bouquets that the packaging itself is perceived as a gift.

Rules of conduct at a party and at a birthday party

If you are going to a birthday, dress neatly and smartly - this will express your attitude to the festive event, about which you were invited.

Do not be late. Forcing yourself to wait is tactless in relation to both the owner and other guests.

Upon entering the room, greet everyone present loudly and distinctly. It is not necessary to greet everyone by the hand.

Before giving a gift, remove the sticker with the price. A cash receipt is attached to a gift only if there is a guarantee for the purchase, and, if necessary, it can be exchanged. When giving a gift, do not forget to say a few kind words. Don't criticize other guests' gifts.

Observe table manners. Don't reach across the table for a tasty treat - ask your neighbors to pass it to you. Be sure to praise the treat and thank the hostess.

Don't sit silent, don't force yourself to be entertained. Take part in the general conversation. Tell me some interesting story. If you can sing or play any musical instrument, don't refuse to do so when asked.

If you are bored at a party, do not show it to the hosts who tried to be hospitable.

Saying goodbye, be sure to thank you for the welcome.

At a party, show your upbringing. Behave in such a way that your arrival is pleasant to the hosts.

According to guest etiquette, you need to know who, how and when to invite. Guests are invited to a crowded reception 7-10 days in advance. At the same time, the exact time must be indicated, it will add a good reason for the future meeting - this may be the defense of a diploma, another significant event that guests should be aware of so as not to get into a mess. If the reason for the invitation is someone's birthday, then it is usually not called, assuming that the guests will guess about it themselves. If a slow-witted guest is interested, then you can voice who is the hero of the occasion.

For 1-3 days you can invite for coffee. If we invite 3-4 people, we can agree on a meeting time with them. Usually this is the second half of the day, closer to dinner. Relatives are most often invited to rare Sunday dinners. The invitation can be announced by phone or in person, a written version is also possible. In the case when young people invite older people, the courtesy of guest etiquette requires you to do this in person. The written version is one of the most extreme.

Misunderstandings often arise when dividing acquaintances into groups in order to take them into different days. There is nothing shameful in this - modern apartments do not accommodate a large number of people, and groups can be formed according to interests. But sometimes suspicious guests consider this a division into “best” and “worst”. Wise hosts do not advertise to their guests who they had yesterday or who will come the day after tomorrow. At the same time, they will try to ensure that people who, for various reasons, cannot stand each other's company, do not get into one company. One of the rules of etiquette at a party says that you should not invite a third time a guest who has not accepted your invitation twice before.

Reception etiquette

The host usually greets guests at the door. It is not at all necessary for the hostess to leave the kitchen into the hallway to meet each guest. An exception is the arrival of a special guest of honor. It is the responsibility of the host to help guests undress and lead them into the room. If the hostess was sitting at that time, she needs to get up and take a few steps towards the guests.

Do not offer guests slippers - this is a sign of bad taste. smartly dressed women I will look ridiculous in them, and a man in elegant trousers or a suit too. The hosts must also change their clothes before receiving guests. If the owner is without a jacket and tie, then the shirt on him should be clean and well-ironed. The hostess has an order in her clothes and on her head, when she leaves the kitchen she takes off her apron. Lipstick should not leave marks on other people's cheeks, glasses and glasses.

In case your only guests are late, wait for them until the very arrival. Some guests manage to be two hours late, and according to the etiquette of receiving guests, the hosts do not have the right to leave the house. An exception may be the vague agreement contained in the word "we'll look." Then you can stop waiting for guests after an hour and a half.

Sudden guest

If the guest came suddenly, when both spouses are at home, the host is busy with the visitor, and the hostess at this time can go out for a while - to put herself in order. When the mistress of the house is alone, she does not leave the guest alone for more than three minutes. She does not need to completely change clothes - it is enough to be natural, not to fuss, even if she was caught in the midst of cleaning. We calmly turn off the vacuum cleaner, remove things from the chair on which we want to put the guest. It's enough. Laundry laid out for washing is a common everyday thing, you should not focus on this.

How to seat guests?

The place of the hostess at the head of the table is not always convenient and justified. Consider how the table is located in the room. The most honorable places for guests are those that are most conveniently located, do not require unnecessary anxiety, it is most desirable to seat guests facing the front door. The host sits closer to the guests to care for and entertain them, and the hostess sits on the opposite edge of the table to ensure that she can freely go into the kitchen.

Away etiquette requires guests to be seated in alternating males and females. But even if one of them turned out to be more, men should still be tried to be placed between women. At the same time, we seat the spouses separately, and the lovers - side by side.

It is worth emphasizing that the host must choose the best place for himself in order to be close to the guests and at the same time be able to freely leave the table. The main thing is not to make a problem out of this and make sure that everyone is comfortable.

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Valentina Vasilyeva
23.03.2011
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