It's never too late to realize that you deserve to be happy. Practice "It's never too late to have a happy childhood It's never too late to be happy again"

Soul Binding 04.11.2017

Dear readers, probably, all of us sometimes thought that it was already too late for something in life. So you can’t buy a house by the sea, as you once dreamed of, don’t give birth to another child, don’t travel around the world with only a backpack on your shoulders. And sometimes we experience similar feelings in relation to something vital, it seems to us that it’s too late to change something in marital status, at work, it’s too late to move, it’s too late to start thinking about health ...

But is it really all that hopeless? Is it really too late to live? Or has life in store for us opportunities for such a case? This is what we will talk about today in the rubric. Its host Elena Khutornaya, writer, blogger, author of intuitive maps, and I give Lena the floor.

Greetings, dear readers Irina's blog

We all catch ourselves from time to time feeling that it is too late to change something in life. So, it’s too late to realize your dreams and desires - you wanted something, and now that’s it, the train has left, maybe only in the next life ...

Not too pleasant experiences - probably everyone will agree with me on this. There is something so hopeless in them, a feeling of some kind of deceit, as if life promised something, teased, but did not fulfill the promises, took away hope. How about without hope? Without it, everything always becomes so gray and dull ... And even if there are other joys in life, but at the same time something important is missing, we will always be haunted by a feeling of dissatisfaction that refutes all claims that we came into this world in order to be happy.

Why do we decide it's too late to live

But is it a matter of life for a deceiver? Or is it time to look inside again? After all, no matter how disappointed we may feel, life is really such that if desires are given to us, then opportunities are attached to them to realize these desires. So why does it sometimes begin to seem to us that it is too late to dream of some of them being fulfilled?

And the reasons may be different.

Age

Realizing our age, we increasingly begin to tell ourselves that it’s too late for love, too late to change jobs, too late to learn new things, too late to change attitudes towards something or someone, too late to forgive. The time is up, and it remains to be content with what we have.

Circumstances

They are such that we cannot influence them, and even if we can influence them, we are afraid of the consequences of this and prefer to leave everything as it is.

Lack of Opportunities

It can be about anything - finance, time, support. They don't exist, and they have nowhere to come from, and we decide that this will forever prevent us from getting what we want.

The most interesting thing is that all these reasons have one thing in common.

In fact, all the obstacles to our desires are in our head.

All the obstacles that we see in front of us are only our own limitations, unbelief and lack of true desire. All real desires are necessarily fulfilled, and neither age, nor circumstances, nor lack of opportunities can interfere with this.

Real life examples

I think everyone can remember moments from their own lives when it seemed to us that the best thing that could happen in life had already happened, so there is no need to wait for more. And it didn’t depend on age or circumstances, did it?

I myself have experienced this situation several times. In my early twenties, I decided that all the most best holidays left behind in my life and nothing like this will ever happen again.

At thirty, I was sure that it was too late for me to dream of love - there was only a boring, dull life ahead, and all that remained was to come to terms with it. You will laugh, but I really thought that I was already too old for such experiences, and mainly physically. Now, nine years later, it’s funny to myself, but then, in all seriousness, it seemed to me that youth was gone forever, and it definitely wasn’t funny.

Of course, I was wrong. And the holidays in my life were still wonderful, and I found my love, and it turned out that it was not too late to live and love.

And you yourself will probably remember a lot of examples from your life and from the life of relatives and friends, when at some point we decided that it was already useless to dream and desire something, but then suddenly there were opportunities to get what we wanted in the most unexpected way, bypassing everyone obstacles we have seen along the way. And this only once again confirms that everything that happens in life does not depend on external circumstances and parameters, but only on our internal state.

Don't let yourself dream

Someone may say that there is still a big difference between what happens to us at thirty and, for example, at sixty. But for the most part, this is an illusion. Even at twenty we can be sure that everything is over for us and it is already too late to live, while for others, on the contrary, life is just beginning at fifty. We at any age can justify the hopelessness of our situation by the lack of opportunities or the circumstances in which we find ourselves. But in the end, everything depends only on our own perception and attitude to life.

The real reason for our inability to get what we want is always the same - lack of energy to believe and achieve. If this energy and desire is there, then do not interfere with yourself - it means that it is not too late for anything. Do not invent obstacles for yourself that do not really exist.

No matter what anyone says, no matter how contrary to what we ourselves used to believe, the main thing that matters is our willingness to dream and make our dreams come true.

How to start living again

So it's never too late to start living. Check your desires for truth, fill up with energy, follow yourself, look for ways to get what you want. Be realistic, but know how to dream, and every wish will surely come true.

Don't worry about how it will happen, don't try to foresee everything. But be sure that life will find a suitable answer to any of our requests, if only we are open, sincere, and bright in our souls. Let's trust life - and it will do everything for us.

Even if you do not have enough energy to believe in your dreams, at least lie in their direction.

Have a dream? Run to her! Does not work? Go to her! Does not work? Crawl to her! Can not? Lie down and lie in the direction of the dream!

For such cases, there good way tune in correctly: if you can’t openly and freely desire something, well, you don’t believe that it can come true, but at the same time this dream entails anyway, think about what you would like to want this. It may sound strange, but it works great.

Well, I can’t dream that I will still visit Rio de Janeiro, but how great it would be if I could believe that this would still happen!

And remember - everything that needs to be done will definitely happen. What doesn't happen, it doesn't need to. It's never too late, because that's what we're here for - to live. And while we're here, there's always more to be done.

With warmth,
Khutornaya Elena

I thank Lena for such a good, inspiring topic. Indeed, even if at some point in life there is no strength left to believe that we are still capable of something, we must always remember that such a state is temporary. And that if we want, we open up, then strength and desire will come again, and the belief that many more good things will happen to us. Because it's true, it's never too late to live, and it all depends on us - whether we will breathe deeply or just eke out an existence. I am sure that you and I, my dear ones, will make the right choice.

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And for the soul will sound OMAR AKRAM

19 comments

Answer

It's never too late to change your life andbe happy. The clock will always show the perfect time for the moment when our heart realizes thatWe .

Many people complain that they did not understand their problem until the situation became completely unbearable. They do not understand how they could wait so long and do nothing.

However, it is important to note that our brains, especially the area associated with emotions and passions, tend to be very reluctant to accept changes. We tell ourselves "I'll be patient a little longer", "maybe the situation will improve".

However, if nothing changes over time other than feeling miserable, it's time to say to yourself, "I deserve something better." First of all, in order to regain your own peace And be happy.

We invite you to think about it together in our article today.

It's never too late to be happy again

Take a minute to think about the word "late." We use it in those cases when, having made an appointment for a certain time, for various reasons we are late and do not arrive on time.

Late is when we forget to turn off the fire on time and burn our lunch.

It's two simple examples, which reflects an important aspect of this word: there is no turning back. No matter what we do, nothing can be fixed: the roast cannot be saved, and we will forever remain a non-punctual person for the one we met.

However, considering life cycle of each person, and, above all, the main goal of our existence, which is to be happy, the word "late" does not fit our lives at all. It is never too late to start fighting for our well-being.

Never forget this.

Fear factor

Fear is a barrier that often prevents us from taking a step and starting to build our own happiness, or at least achieve what we dream of and that will help us move beyond our comfort zone.

What we usually do, and we don’t always realize it, is this: we mask our fear with resignation to fate, with thoughts such as “nothing to be done, our destiny is to endure; and suddenly, if I leave this, something much worse awaits me.

People have rationalized fear. He has become so ordinary that we are completely in his power, we have come to terms with him.
The one who gives up and stops fighting is trapped and feels miserable. And this may well lead to depression.
We must understand what fear really is: it is an emotion that puts us on alert in a dangerous situation. Instead of trying to hide or ignore this basic human instinct, we should understand it, accept it, and then act in the most appropriate way.

You don't have to "be afraid of fear". It is important to be able to listen to it, because it is a clear indicator of our or discomfort.

The best moment to be happy is HERE and NOW

Now we know that the word "late" should not be used in relation to one's own happiness or that relentless pursuit of feeling good about yourself.

We also now know that fear is actually an indicator that things are not going the way they should, that we are in an intolerable situation.

So… Why not take action now? Analyze your fears, put aside everything that limits you and causes uncertainty. This will allow us to shed the "shell" that prevents us from growing as individuals.
It is possible that you are going through a difficult moment right now. Work, family problems, relationships, personal dissatisfaction…
Sometimes small changes bring big results. Thus, faced with such difficulties that cocoon us and suffocate us, depriving us of air, energy and optimism, we must look for a solution.
The solution in many cases is to move: get over your fear, get out of your comfort zone and, above all, drive away such thoughts: "my train has left" or "it's too late for me."

The best time is Here and now. Yesterday doesn't exist, and tomorrow hasn't arrived yet, so... Why not try to be happy?

The joy of taking a new step

There is one more thing to keep in mind. Fear will always be with us, especially when we take a new step, change our lives and.

We do not know what we will find on our life path, whether we will succeed in what we have planned. Therefore, fear will always be our inseparable companion. But it is fear that captures us and fills us with hope.

The pleasure of taking a new step enriches our lives, it is never too late to experience it.

We all deserve the best at every moment of our lives. We should not expect that someone will come and do everything for us. It is worth changing your life.

Do you dare?

Name, age, your photo.

Hi all!

My name is Diana, I am 31 years old.

How long have you been in a relationship with the man you love? How many years do you think it takes to live together to understand that love is real, to test feelings for strength, or does it not depend on time?

We met back in 2007, on October 17th. They got married exactly one year later - on October 17, 2008. I think that in order to understand that a person is yours, you do not need to pass the test of time, it is enough to be similar to each other, as two halves of one whole are similar; to hear and understand each other, to be “on the same wavelength”. We have a married marriage, and in the church we were told that the most important thing is FORGIVING.

3. Which of you was the first to confess your love and how it happened, do you remember? Do you think that the man should always be recognized first? Why? Share your opinion and tell your story! It happened the same fall when we met. I won’t name the date (I’m sure that my romantic husband remembers the date, unlike me), I can only say that it was shortly after we met. At first there were a couple of weeks of telephone conversations, during which I fell in love with this particular person so much that I was absolutely indifferent to his appearance, then 2 dates. On the 3rd date, we confessed our eternal love to each other. Simultaneously.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight? Why? If you believe, has there been a story in your life that confirms the existence of such love?

Love at first sight? No, at first sight there can only be a strong love. I believe in love BEFORE the first glance and AFTER the first glance, when I fell in love with the person himself, knowing his soul ...

5. Love in a relationship between a man and a woman - what does it mean for You? How could it be described, characterized?

Love is care, empathy and the joy of being together.

There is a wonderful poem on this subject:

Let the page be passed
And half a liter of blood was spilled.
Love - when they want to get married!
Everything else is a form of flirting.

Let it tear better where thin,
Let it be painful and inopportune.
Love - when they want a child!
Everything else is a world of sympathy.

Let a lot of envy and flattery
On every page of life.
Love - when they want to be together!
Everything else is just a habit.

Let it be bad, let everything be out of place,
You need to move on in life.
Love is when two hearts are together!
Everything else is just friendship.

6. Name your film about love and write why you chose it.

Peter FM. My favorite movie with my husband (I thought - how long have we not watched movies TOGETHER, more than a year ...). I like the film for romance, lightness.

7. The mood song of Your love today - what is it like?

Nothing has changed since the day of the wedding. The anthem of our love is D. Malikov's song "You and I", to which we danced our first dance at the wedding.

8. What book about love would you recommend others read? Why?

All wisdom is in the Bible.

I was shocked the first time I read it as a teenager.

The most beloved in the Bible - Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.

Nothing has changed, even though millennia have passed. The person asks the same "why?" and for what?".

And how fully the good wife is described in Proverbs! I want to learn how to be such a wife!

“Who can find a virtuous wife? its price is higher than pearls; the heart of her husband is confident in her, and he will not be left without profit; she repays him with good, and not with evil, all the days of her life. He extracts wool and flax, and willingly works with his own hands. She, like merchant ships, gets her bread from afar. She gets up still at night and distributes food in her house and her serving maidens. She thinks about the field, and acquires it; out of the fruit of his hands he plants a vineyard. He girds his loins with strength and strengthens his muscles. She feels that her occupation is good, and her lamp does not go out even at night. She stretches out her hands to the spinning wheel, and her fingers take hold of the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and gives her hand to the needy. She is not afraid of the cold for her family, because her whole family is dressed in double clothes. She makes her own carpets; fine linen and purple are her clothes. Her husband is known at the gate when he sits with the elders of the earth. She makes veils and sells them, and delivers belts to Phoenician merchants. Fortress and beauty are her clothes, and she cheerfully looks at the future. He opens his mouth with wisdom, and gentle instruction is in her tongue. She watches over the household in her house and does not eat the bread of idleness. The children stand up and please her, - the husband, and praises her: "There were many virtuous wives, but you surpassed all of them." Prettiness is deceptive and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is worthy of praise. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works be glorified at the gate!”

To love or to be loved - what would you choose if the need arose? Why?

Be loved! Give me love and I will repay you twice!

Does your love have special signs: its own song, dance, symbolic place, thing ...? If you can, show it, if not, then just tell about it.

We have our own song, celebrating the anniversary of the wedding, we order sushi as on the day we met. A cafe that has changed its name several times since then.

Do you celebrate the day of acquaintance or do you consider it not such an important event?

Yes, we celebrate the wedding day, which coincides with the day we met.

When was the last time you spent time alone together?

Oh... what a difficult question. I wanted to say that we had not been alone for about a year, even before going to bed, the baby between us (sleeps anxiously). My husband, who always remembers all the dates, reminded me that on June 1, 2011, TWO of us went to the theater. Uffff... we'll work on it. My daughter is 3 years old, and my son is almost a year old, and the kids and I are almost inseparable.

Do you celebrate St. Valentine's Day? If so, how? If not, why not?

Yes, we celebrate. We used to go to a cafe, and for the last 3 years we have been quietly spending an evening with goodies and a glass of wine.

Why do you want to take part in the project "The most best wife 2013"?

I want to bring harmony and joy to our family. I want to find my former self, which my husband fell in love with. I know that he misses his former beloved very much! Now, I am a mother first and foremost. And I'm a woman and a wife! Unfortunately, I don’t find time for myself at all, catastrophically! I know that my husband suffers from this and has already done a lot so that the woman in me wakes up again. And I keep swinging... I need a magic kick!!! I want to start with myself, change myself and become a better wife for my romantic and emotional husband.

P.S. All those who participated in the first and second projects "The Best Wife" are eligible to participate in the 2013 project.

Parents who love as best they can

The people who are hard to love are the ones who need love the most. (from the movie "Peaceful Warrior")

Surely each of you has heard that for many this state of dislike comes from childhood. Many parents brought up in a way that was convenient for them. When a child is born, parents love their child, they want the best for him, they also want to make sure that everything in the child's life is wonderful.

It's all like that. On the other hand, parents are people too. And they also want to live their lives. And often a child, especially when he is small, and even sickly or whiny, especially emotional, then causes certain troubles.

Sooner or later, parents come to the conclusion, often unconsciously, that they need to somehow negotiate with the child, to do so that everyone is comfortable.

Some parents go in the direction of suppressing their child's personality. Those. “don’t talk”, “sit silently”, “remove your hands”, “don’t touch”.

It is, of course, often with the best of intentions so that the child does not disturb others when he speaks loudly, does not touch something hot.

But all these prohibitions block in the child some impulses, some aspirations for development.

accepting myself

Children, if you look, are actually born absolutely selfish. They absolutely accept themselves for who they are.

Children are absolutely calm about what surrounds them, they are happy with their legs, fingers, there are no problems that they have wrinkles, a tummy or something else.

They accept themselves and love themselves. And they make the world revolve around childish selfishness. Some parents learn to compromise with this, some parents find it difficult, and they operate on the principle of repression, dictatorship and power.

I don't know what families you grew up in. But, one way or another, most parents grew up in Soviet time, they had such an upbringing that you can’t love a child at all, to show some feelings is harmful, because you will spoil it.

Pedagogical literature was also based on such principles that there should be discipline in the first place, and then everything else.

Many parents simply raised us this way because they didn’t know how to do it any other way. Much in life that people then get, naturally, comes from childhood. Parents need comfortable children.

Parents need children who love and delight them.

There is a very delicate moment here: when a child who is being scolded realizes that he is bad, he is unworthy, and in the future this, among other things, results in a situation where, as an adult, a person does not love himself, does not accept himself. It is very important now for you to understand that when your parents raised you, they did it the way they could.

I know that many have grievances against their parents, someone has already worked on this topic, accepting and forgiving. Think again about this, that your current life, including, is very much connected with how you were brought up, whether you were taught to love yourself, how you were developed in this direction. Loving yourself has many benefits.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood!

I want you to understand for yourself that it is never too late to have a happy childhood. It's never too latelearn to love yourself and get that love , which, perhaps, you once were not given, not instilled and not shown how it is.

When a person has "failures", the person himself evaluates them in such a way, many people still have a way of thinking that there is no way to find a resource, a positive side in everything at once.

We all know about it, but not everyone knows how to use it automatically. Many in such situations begin to blame themselves, reproach themselves, naturally, self-esteem falls. Already now, in adulthood, you can give yourself something what, in your opinion, your parents could have given you, but for some reason did not give you.

Practical task

You will need give yourself the right to live a happy childhood now. To do this, just imagine the situation that you have a new childhood, you have new parents, you live, perhaps in another country, perhaps your parents treat you differently. Maybe you introduce the same parents and they will treat you the same way.

The task is to give yourself the love that you so expect from others. Take care of yourself, listen to desires, do something for yourself.

If it's hard to figure out where to start, here's a hint. There are three realms: body, soul (emotions) and mind. Love yourself on all three levels: please your body, nourish yourself with positive emotions and fulfillment of desires, arrange a holiday of love for the mind. It is best to start with the body, with physical contact, Nude in front of a mirror. How to love your body .

Everything starts with self love. Yes, sometimes it's not just given and you have to learn to love yourself again even when you are 30, 40 or older. As they say, "no one promised that it would be easy, but it's worth it."

Start giving love to yourself today! Or continue if you already started earlier...

With love, Tatyana Rusina.

Let's talk about how to become more independent, self-sufficient, rely on yourself to satisfy your emotional and material needs. That is, in fact, to become an adult.

A bit of theory. There are various theories of personality in different psychological schools and approaches. Today I will briefly talk about one of them, since it is very visual and works well in practical application. Consider the personality structure described by the famous psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Berne, the author of an approach called "transactional analysis". Readers may be familiar with a very popular book by this author, Games People Play.

So, the structure of personality E. Bern presents in the form of a "traffic light", in which there are three parts, called: a child, an adult and a parent.

"Baby" is the part we are born with. Energy, desires, spontaneity are taken from this part. Remember how children tirelessly run around, how interested they are in every ant, how much energy and life there is? Although this part is called "child", it remains in us for life.

The next part that appears in us is called "parent". This part, which contains a set of rules and ideas about life and about ourselves, taken from the attitudes that we learned from significant adults (parents, grandparents, society). Our inner "parent" can be loving toward our inner "child" or it can be critical. And if the inner "parent" in an adult is too critical and rots the "child", then such a person may develop depression, apathy, and may lack spontaneity. If, on the contrary, the inner "parent" is too conniving and does not fulfill its function of setting rules, and the "child" does not feel boundaries, then such a person may want his impulsive desires to be fulfilled always and quickly, and he wanted to spit on others.

And so it would not be very good, so we would live exclusively by the experience of our ancestors or remain eternal children, if we did not form a part called "adult" in the process of our whole life. "Adult" is our personal experience honestly earned by us. The function of the "adult" is to be a buffer between the "inner child" and the "inner parent". That is, love your "child" very much and filter messages from the "parent".

For example, a girl lives with a parental message: "There are girls who are naturally beautiful and charming, but you are not very attractive". How do you think such a girl would behave in a society of men? It’s hard to say exactly, but she can be very tight, stoop, be afraid, not follow her appearance(and what to watch, it’s still unattractive - fate!) And such behavior can simply repel other people. And if such a girl doubts this message, works on herself, changes her image, goes to the gym, learns to pay attention to other people, their needs and, accordingly, learns to communicate, then her popularity will definitely increase. This will mean that she has grown up her "adult", canceled the negative "parent" message and reworked it into a positive one for herself. There is a wonderful film on this subject with Barbara Streisand "The Mirror Has Two Faces".

So, all that is needed is to start slowly changing yourself with love and patience, like good loving parents. But what you definitely shouldn’t do is to make claims to real parents that they didn’t finish it, they didn’t love it. You don't even have to blame them in your heart. Born - and well. Gave life - wonderful, thank you. Hooray! We live! All that we need - we give ourselves, relying on our strength, creating our own supports. Although in the film the heroine Streisand tells her resentment to her mother, and the mother turns out to be resourceful, gives her support, but this can be seen as an unexpected gift of fate, and not as a mandatory reaction.

Now about relationships. If your “inner child” is always hungry for attention and love, is very afraid, and you cannot satisfy, love, calm him, that is, in fact, satisfy, love and calm yourself, then you will look for yourself good parent in outside world. Start waiting for parental functions from a man. And men somehow don’t really want to be a dad to an adult woman. And if someone wants to, they can ask you for a big price, for example, your submission and control over you with a gradual suppression of will. About love, as you probably understand, there is no longer any talk. It's hard to love a weak-willed doll.

How to start raising a good "inner parent" and "good adult"? I suggest you take that list of emotional and material needs that you wrote down and work with it. Look at each need and write down what you can do in the next month to at least a little, or maybe completely, satisfy it. You can write goals for the year, and then for the next month. For example, a need: "I want a man to entertain me". What can I do in the next month to entertain myself? "I want to provide". What can I do to increase my income? Let it be even small steps. The main thing is to move. Feelings and emotional needs are more difficult. We will discuss this in future articles.