How to send a guy or girl away: effective ways to refuse. How to ward off an annoying fan in an honest way and what tactics to use if she doesn’t understand for good
Perhaps every man experienced a moment when he asked himself: “How to send a girl away?” At the same time, it doesn’t matter whether people had close relationships or the girl only intended to take decisive steps. The only important thing is how to do it in order to avoid it. Let's analyze various ways say no.
When does it become necessary to send a girl off?
In fact, if you detail them, as many as you like, but if you approach the classification as generally as possible, you will get two options:
- there were relations, but they have exhausted themselves;
- the girl really wants, and the guy does not burn with desire.
The reporting point in the "Gap" project is defining. It is followed by all the specifics of the relationship. This affects the choice of one or another method of influencing the girl. Knowing her character, inclinations, tastes, preferences, it is easier to choose the method that suits her. Sounds like an advertisement, but what can you do if it is. Are you still preoccupied with the question of how to send a girl off? Then we move on to methods.
Soft Ways to End a Relationship
First the list, then the explanations:
- stop calling altogether
- when she calls, the guy says: "I'm busy, call me later";
- neutral communication without any ambiguity: sexual jokes or hints;
- introduce a friend.
Now we will reveal the essence of each method.
The first method is practiced by the heroine of the book Amelie Nothomb "Tokyo Bride". We will not illustrate it using the novel as an example, so as not to spoil the pleasure of reading for future readers. By the way, this book will also benefit the guys, they will be able to learn something interesting about the psychology of emancipated women. So method. Its essence is that a person simply stops calling himself, while he may well answer calls from that side. Sooner or later you'll get bored.
The second method is a bit rougher than the first, but they are the same if you compare the message. Messages to the other side: "I don't need you."
Neutral communication is also universal: it is suitable for cases when it is necessary to prevent unwanted relationships, and for cases when it is necessary to get rid of stories that have already exhausted themselves. Usually the method includes the phrase: "Let's be friends" or "Let's be friends." Girls are familiar with such things, they successfully practice them.
You can argue about the softness of the "introduce a friend" method, but sometimes it works. For example, a girl is passionate about a guy, but he cannot reciprocate her, but he has a lonely friend. Why not introduce these two, if a man already asks himself: “How to send a girl away?” In this case, all means are good.
Methods of "moderate severity"
In human life there are such forces with which it is difficult to argue, in fact impossible. Appeal to them offends, but not much, just because they are fatal. So, the following phrases will help a man out:
- "I do not love you";
- "I do not like you";
- "I love another."
Nothing can be done about desires, so the cards fell. You can, of course, be offended by such a verdict in relation to your person, but this is unproductive. These phrases have positive side- certainty. With sympathy (and even more so with love) nothing can be done, you can’t force love by force. In general, some try and tried, but such behavior does not promise a good outcome. So there are answers to the question of how to send a girl off, these phrases are well known to everyone, use it.
Rudeness
If none of the above has helped, then “heavy artillery” is used. It is called so because these expressions can give rise to a lot of complexes in a girl. Consider the phrases:
- "You don't suit me!"
- "I do not want you!"
- "It's impossible to love you!"
Why speak so rudely? Because here the guy goes strictly to the personality of the girl and "showers her with compliments." Let's compare two phrases: "I don't like you" and "I don't want you". Sympathy is an accidental formation and depends on situational and taste factors. When a person is told: “We don’t like you!”, He thinks: “Well, it happens, all people are different.” When a man says that he does not want a woman, it means that she has some fundamental flaw that does not allow her to be desired. I don’t want to analyze the rest of the phrases, how ugly and vile they are. True, if you look at it, the presented phrases are not much different in their essence, but an appeal to the physical inability to love someone is rudeness. Even when they say: “I don’t love you,” it doesn’t hurt so much. We must remember: the word is a great power. It must be handled with care and spare the feelings of others whenever possible.
Types of girls and the right way to escape
To answer the question of how to send a girl off correctly, you need to understand who exactly the man is dealing with. There are three kinds of women:
- smart;
- not very smart;
- stupid.
Smart people prefer to be told right away what the odds are. After all, as Hank Moody said: “A woman in the first five minutes after meeting knows what she wants from a man.” Believe me, with a man the same story. In this case, you can apply the methods of "moderate severity", they, on the contrary, will be the most correct and easiest, no one will suffer more than usual.
And if you met couples who were first friends, then became lovers, then the point is not at all that their feelings matured for a long time, but that, as La Rochefoucauld said: “One loves, and the other allows himself to be loved.” This kind of relationship is similar to a game of poker, their main principle is who will change his mind and overpower whom. Or maybe everything is simpler: these people just searched and searched and did not find anyone, but a friend was always there. As a rule, this is a very strong relationship.
It's harder with the dumb. Methods from soft to medium are applicable to them. Although the degree of stupidity is different, so you can not renounce the "heavy artillery". But let's hope for the best.
But there are girls who either really crave love, and this desire blinds their eyes, or they are sorely lacking the intellectual ability to understand that a man is not the hero of their novel. With them, any means are good, otherwise you can pay for your pity all your life. History knows cases.
"Love is a golden staircase without a railing"
Of course, I want to be a kind and gentle person, and it is also desirable that everything be clear the first time. But life is not a fairy tale, it hurts. Love, like life, is multifaceted. Everyone can interpret the well-known phrase in the title in their own way, but one wisdom that is contained in it is important: feelings are not something that is guaranteed, and you can fall down this ladder at any moment. Therefore, it makes no sense to ask yourself: "How to leave a girl who loves you?" Parting is part of the lesson that life teaches us. Imagine a person who doesn't know how to let go. In separation, in addition to pain, there is a valuable experience.
Illustrations: Olga Gromova
Since this world is full of diversity, girls can react very variably to messages that you don’t want to be with them anymore. The range extends from "Aha, super, ciao!" to Shakespearean dramas. If you suspect that your situation is closer to the latter option, it is advisable to make some strategic maneuvers. Psychologist, Candidate of Sociological Sciences Anetta Orlova told us about them.
Rule of thumb: act like a gentleman. “Any breakup is a blow to women's self-esteem,” says Anetta. “If it does not happen at the initiative of the girl, she has doubts about her attractiveness, sexuality.” It must be remembered that biologically girls are much worse prepared for failures than men who are highly durable in this regard: we have thousands of great-grandfathers behind our evolutionary shoulders, who were regularly rejected by impregnable beauties. And great-grandfathers managed to develop a good psychological defense against these troubles. In females, for obvious reasons, this mechanism is debugged worse than in males, because they most often had no need for it. So take the blame, O noble reader! She's beautiful and smart, and you're ugly and an idiot. Everything is as usual.
To prevent your message from sounding like a bolt from the blue, start preparing the girl for what is happening at least a week before. Exclude sex. Get inside yourself. To the question "What happened?" shrug your shoulders and say: “Nothing!” “The most acute pain of separation is felt by people for whom it came as a complete surprise,” says Anetta. “If the girl suspects that something is going wrong in your relationship, she will be at least somehow prepared for information about the break.”
« I'm just one of those happy girls who were told about the breakup by SMS. “Sorry, I couldn’t tell you this, looking into your eyes ...” - wrote my ex. So I was finally convinced that he was a miserable coward and a weakling. But it didn't get any easier. »
The day her cat fell off the balcony is a bad time to break up. It is also very ignoble of you to start talking about separation at a time when she needs to go somewhere, for example to work: the need to suppress burning fresh emotions can lead her to stress and breakdown. February 13, December 31 and her birthday - for the girls who left on these dates, special pans without non-stick coating are prepared in hell. “Some believe that at the celebration there will be a lot of friends and relatives around her who will be able to comfort and entertain her. But you should not hope for it. First, right at the moment of shock, many, on the contrary, want loneliness. Second, by watching happy couples friends, the girl will feel especially strongly abandoned,” Anetta explains.
« Let him look guilty and upset so that I feel that I'm not the only one who feels bad »
She will not be able to pack you in bags in a crowded place, so bet on a cafe *. “It is generally accepted that it is better to part with a girl on her territory,” says Anetta. - But that's not always true. Being alone after you leave, she is more at risk of experiencing stress. The presence of strangers will help her save face - many girls, having thrown a tantrum, then regret that they showed you their vulnerability.
On the other hand, it should be understood that in such a situation there is a risk of an ugly public scene, and the girl is unlikely to feel grateful that you made her sob, squeal and throw donuts in front of several dozen admiring spectators. So when choosing a scene of action, it is important to know well the temperament of the young lady, the degree of her attachment to you and the ability to control herself.
* Note Phacochoerus "a Funtika:
«
Better yet, take her to an Ethiopian restaurant. There it is customary to eat national dishes with your hands - and there is no chance to catch a knife with an Adam's apple»
“Start the conversation by listing her virtues. Then say that, despite all this splendor, to serious relationship you are not ready. “It is very important to be convincing so that the girl understands: if you were ready to go to the registry office, you would marry her.” “In a conversation, it is desirable to devalue one's own merits,” says Anetta. - In almost all respects, the girl from time to time asks herself questions: “Do I deserve better?” and “Am I wasting my time on him?” Therefore, a suitable remark would be: “With me, you are simply wasting time. I don't deserve it." Explain that you are not the man who can surround her with care and admiration, provide a reliable rear and a necklace of mole teeth - things that she deserves like no other. Let him think about it while you stuff your socks in your bag.
If she says that she despises worldly goods and for her the best mole in the world is you, lower your degree of nobility and make claims. “Don't talk about her real shortcomings, focus on imaginary and strange ones, which, rather, could be considered virtues,” advises Anetta. For example: “You are too sociable, empathic, extroverted and charismatic”, “I am suffocating in this vulgar bourgeois comfort”, “You are too attractive, I am constantly jealous and I can’t live like this anymore.” If all this does not help and the girl continues to hang on your right leg, feel free to get off the white horse and change to a battered donkey. “You are good to everyone, but for some reason I am unhappy with you. Apparently it's up to me. Sorry and goodbye". An appeal to one's misfortune is a feminine move, but that is why this argument will seem understandable and convincing to the girl.
« Let him report this as something inevitable and beyond our control. For example, he leaves to colonize Mars or his disabled wife, lost in childhood, was found, whom he must look after. Something like this. Then I won't feel like I did something wrong. »
Another good move is to choose just one argument and repeat it like a gray parrot, not allowing yourself to be led into deep jungle. For example, to all her arguments that you are the perfect couple, that her mother adores you, that you have eyes like good forget-me-nots, say: “We are too different.” “That way, she won't be able to drag you into an unproductive discussion in which you might say unpleasant things to each other,” says Anetta. If you stand your ground, even if it is devoid of logic, she will run out of patience and give up on attempts to clarify the situation. Which is what you were looking for.
« One guy, leaving me, said: “I’m afraid that I haven’t worked up yet and I’m about to cheat on you. But I have too much respect for you to do it behind your back. So let's break up." I didn’t really know what to answer: he told the truth and was sincere. So I had to thank him for being honest and let him go »
If a woman, after the phrase “We need to leave,” falls to the floor and tears her hair in all under-depilated places, be tough. Tell her that you understand her feelings, give her a friendly pat on the shoulder, but walk away, rather than trying to comfort her with hot tea, soothing hugs and encouraging kisses.
If the next day she calls and complains that she is sick and there is no one to go to her for medicines, show generosity. Buy everything you need and take it to her, but nothing more. You shouldn’t throw a bag of aspirin over the threshold and immediately run away, but you don’t need to stay longer than 5-10 minutes with your ex-lover. “Any steps back, that is, meetings, conversations, not to mention sexual contacts, will lead to the fact that the girl will expect the relationship to continue,” says Anetta. - Usually insecure men maintain the communication thread, because their task is to keep the woman on a leash. It makes them feel important." Such losers are pleased to believe that a girl who is not going anywhere is waiting for them all the time. That is, there is always the opportunity to land on a quiet harbor in which the aged Assol is waiting for you. But you're not like that, right?
« Let him immediately take his things from my house. Worst of all, when he then comes for months either for a razor, or for a bag, or for a flash drive ... And each of his visits picks off the crust from the wound, and all over again »
You came to have a cup of tea with the Pope, and he already has her sitting on the couch. If not much time has passed since the breakup, exchange a few phrases with her, find a reason to leave and take your leave. Do not be too polite - she may think that old feelings have awakened in you. But to pretend that you do not notice it is extremely bad decision. “To walk past in such a situation and not say hello is a false delicacy. Demonstrating that a person does not exist will be perceived as an insult, says Anetta. “It pays to remain polite, but keep the dialogue to a minimum.”
The stages of shock, denial and acceptance last at least two to three months for the weaker sex, so at this time it is undesirable to post a photo with a new passion and the caption: “Finally, I met my love!” “Under no circumstances should you show that you have a different relationship,” Annette insists. “In this case, the mechanism of competition with another woman is activated, and the feelings of the girl you abandoned may flare up again.” A new passion, by the way, is also unlikely to be grateful to you when they start putting cola on Odnoklassniki and creating fake pages with her photo and the name of Escort Services.
« I followed one of my exes on social networks, and it hurt me to see how he wrote the same jokes and threw the same songs on the wall of another woman. After all, he used to “glue” me like that! I felt like "one of" - an eerie feeling »
So that you do not leave, they can offer you everything that you dreamed of. Homemade kharcho, joint fishing, throw out a floor lamp with roses and a threesome. Well, or just sex at any time of the day or night. “Right now, do you want it?” Tempting, but don't be fooled. “You may think that you are having sex out of old memory and friendship, but for your partner, sex is the hope of reunion. If you agree to sex, then you are driving yourself into the old relationship,” Annette warns.
« Let him never call, write or answer my attempts to contact him again. Also, you don’t need to ask if everything is fine with me from mutual friends. Everything is fine with me, man, I'm not dead! »
Another common male mistake is discussing your breakup with mutual friends. Remember that only an anteater paints a long tongue. “If you have a common circle of acquaintances, your words will inevitably be passed on to her. And she will experience discomfort and pain, hearing about how you announce the details of your personal relationship with her, says Anetta. “So, if you break up with a woman, then you should discuss the details of this exclusively with her.”
Even if the girl has already forgotten how you dried your panties with her hair dryer, she will still be pleased with your congratulations on the New Year and birthday. Banal "Congratulations! Be the happiest! let her think she was special to you. “But it's important to make sure that your ex is no longer living in the past,” Anetta clarifies. That's why New Year, birthday are good reasons to express gratitude to the girl for being in your life. “Such congratulations show a person that he was not just used, but treated sincerely. This is evidence that it exists and is important.”
“We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide ...” - sung in old song. Sometimes there comes a moment when a guy realizes that the girl next to him is not at all what he needs. And everything seemed to start out great, and he liked her so much that he didn’t want to look at anyone else, and he was in a hurry to meet, and gave flowers. But it's gone. Now the guy is annoyed by her words, she is reluctant to answer her calls, and just watching football is now more pleasant than walking with her in the park. At such moments, the guy realizes that it is time for him to say goodbye to this girl.
Worst Breakup Scenarios
What categorically should not be done in this case is to say goodbye by SMS, phone, e-mail, mail or acquaintances. Only immature youths, cowards and boors do this. If you want to look like a real man, then you will have to tell the girl about the breakup in person.
Some guys use lies to break up. Some say that they have another, whom they have loved for a long time - and this, of course, ends in tears, tantrums and mutual insults. Others report a mythical trip to another country. But then you will need to disappear from the city in which you live. Still others, comedians, proclaim themselves to be representatives of non-traditional orientation, who, allegedly, with the help of a girl, tried to hide their homosexual inclinations from their parents and society. But all these deceitful methods lead only to an ugly conflict and parting with a great negative attitude towards each other.
Lying is never a good breakup.
How to break up with a girl so as not to lose face and not offend her? After all, no matter what, she wonderful person and did not deserve to be dumped in a boorish way. One thing is for sure - no need to invent anything, be honest and truthful! You will have to say this directly and sincerely - but it must be done gently and skillfully.
Choosing the Right Approach
In many films, books and magazines, men use two radical way- gradual withdrawal and gradual increase in attention. Let's analyze the effect of these methods.
- When increasing attention you need to pester the girl with constant calls, attention and the omnipresent presence in her life. Do not let her meet her friends, do not let her go alone (even to the store), interfere with her doing her own business. Demand a report on every minute spent without you and ask in detail about every man with whom she communicates (teacher, boss at work, colleague, brother, friend, husband of a friend, etc.). In most cases, the girl begins to avoid such an obsessive and jealous boyfriend, and in the end she herself wishes to leave. But there is an option that she will like it, so this method does not always work.
- When moving away need to call and see each other less often. Conversations should be boring - only about work, in the "question-answer" mode. With this method, you need to make your meetings rare and short, do not create romantic situations, avoid touching, kissing and, of course, sex. A kiss can be quick and cold, a light touch of the lips - no more. The girl herself will notice your distance.
Alas, if you choose the second method, a simple distance will not be enough. Sooner or later, you'll have to get to the main part: making an appointment at a coffee shop "for a serious talk about us." Come with a modest bouquet a little earlier than the appointed time, order coffee and immediately pay the waitress so that she no longer comes to your table.
When the girl arrives, give her flowers and say clearly, confidently: “Katya, I really appreciate the honesty and openness of our relationship. Therefore, I tell the truth - our relationship is dying. You yourself see it. We got everything we could from the relationship, they are squeezed like a lemon. They don't have a future. If we pull them, then apart from the lost nerves and time, this will bring nothing to you or me. You are a wonderful person, but I am not your hero, and you are not the woman of my dreams. It's time for us to choose new paths, where perhaps we will meet our True love. And now, before leaving, I want to tell you "Thank you!" for all the good things that happened between us. I will always remember this. Good luck!".
After that, you need to abruptly get up and, without looking back, leave. Most likely, she will call and demand the continuation of the conversation, saying that not everything is lost and everything can be returned. Do not be rude, do not hang up, on the contrary - always answer her call, but speak very briefly and be softly persistent: “There will be no return to the past. I wish you all the best, Katya."
It needs to be experienced as an operation. Then it will become easier for you, and in a couple of years you will be able to communicate in a friendly way when you meet. Moreover, the girl will have the best memories of you - after all, you behaved like an honest person and a real man!
For me personally, this problem is not worth it, and I still sometimes find myself thinking that I don’t understand why this is difficult for someone. But since many guys are worried about this issue, I have to consider this topic.
Let's start with why a guy can't just pick up and send a girl off. The fact is that not everyone understands by what principle a girl appears and where interest, attraction and love go. And if the guy does not understand this, then he doesn't decide who likes him and who doesn't. And this is not normal.
Therefore, in this article I will tell you about, and explain each step.
How to send a girl away easily and simply?
"Dishonest" Methods
This, of course, is about the fact that you have to cheat a little.
Namely - you will have to reincarnate in such a man who would never have liked her and did not cause attraction. Oddly enough, such methods work very well and the girl herself decides not to communicate with you anymore.
But there is also a downside, which you probably already guessed yourself. After all, a girl is rarely isolated from friends / girlfriends / colleagues / acquaintances, which means that there is a very high chance that you will ruin your reputation among them. But it often happens that a guy wants to quickly send a girl away precisely because he likes another. She can be her friend or colleague, for example. Therefore, be sure to consider whether such behavior is justified. before deciding to act.
"Let's look into tomorrow"
So, the first method is to fight off her initiative with completely unsightly fantasies about a joint future. It is clear that you will have to exaggerate a lot so that she becomes afraid to be with you. But just this method will not harm you in any way.
As an option:
“I think that the most terrible thing in life is to associate it with someone who is really not a couple for you at all. Even if one experiences some feelings, then together they still do not shine. Such relationships are not mutual, which means that one will simply endure all this, and as a result - quarrels, dreams of the best, disappointment and thoughts about a different future ... ".
Girls are very good at taking hints.
It may be that public opinion and her own pride put a lot of pressure on her - then she can say to your words that she does not want anything from you. This is what you need, because after that she will never take the initiative again.
Get cute
A cute guy is something that girls don't like and aren't attracted to in any way, so you won't even have to think about how to send her off. She will try to get rid of it herself.
But how to play this role so that everything looks realistic?
- Show excessive softness and unreasonable politeness;
- With her, "give back" if there is an argument with other guys or any kind of rivalry;
- Build yourself offended, if she even touched you with something stupid, walk with a drooping look and do not talk to her until she notices;
- Do not stop other people's jokes on yourself, but in response to a comic humiliation, depict a bewildered smile;
- Start conversations (even if not only she is nearby - this is even better) about love for the fair sex, about the fact that women need to forgive everything, indulge whims, generously bestow;
- Arrange in advance with a friend, and when you are sure that she hears, tell him a tearful story about how you were “dynamized” by a girl for whom you did everything (took you to restaurants and cinema, gave gifts), and it all ended with You called and she didn't pick up. You can add “memories” to this story about how you hysterically complained to her that she did not answer the phone.
And, of course, if you don't want to wait, then it is better to ask your friends and acquaintances to actively help you - especially with an example in which friends dominate you, and you do not even resist.
It will be more difficult to send a girl off quickly, showing sympathy. In this case, you can use a similar chip: provide her with absolute freedom.
Every girl struggles with the temptation to give herself to another if her boyfriend is completely out of control of her, while remaining sweet, meek and supple. If this happens, then she will no longer need you.
As mentioned above, such "dishonest" methods can seriously harm your image. If a girl you like sees such behavior, you can say goodbye to dreams of her forever.
The same can be said about what I will talk about below.
Pathetic coward
Everyone has heard of such "men". They offend their own women, knowing that they are weaker, but in fact they are cowards and do not show their "strength" anywhere else. Neither girls nor other guys like them.
So, if you have chosen a similar role, then you need to behave like this:
- Regularly tell her how unfair life is to you, while getting annoyed and taking your anger out on her;
- Become a "habalka" - argue with everyone in a row and on any household trifles, even with girls. Argue in such a way as to certainly prove that you are right, at any price;
- Let all facets of her behavior irritate you, “drank” her, hysteria and scream for any far-fetched reason. If you can't behave like this with her, choose another victim, but so that she can see it.
Carefully! This method is only good if you are outside of any group. Or if your acquaintances are present, they should know that all this is performances. Otherwise, your reputation will suffer greatly.
Say it straight
For me, this is the most correct option, it is effective and honest, and you will not get a negative opinion from the people around you, including girls.
But the problem is that this method is not effective for many guys. Moreover, in many cases this leads to the opposite effect - the girl's pride is hurt and her predatory instinct wakes up, which will not calm down until you fall in love with her.
But with the right application, this approach will allow you to quickly and environmentally send the girl off.
What are the guys wrong with this method?
At some point, they show weakness and insecurity.
For example, you had a conversation in which you said that you had no desire to meet her. Usually this is not enough, the girl does not understand and continues timid attempts to take the initiative.
Misbehavior: allow her such behavior or try to explain, remind you that you have already talked about this. Her first attempts will be from afar - just to ask something, to call on a far-fetched pretext. Out of courtesy, you keep up the conversation. She understands that you can take the next step - and so on increasing. That is, he presses you the way a guy usually does with a girl.
If you started talking to her, you say with utmost confidence and clarity that this is the last time.. Further - a complete ignore, no matter what she does. She can come up with various provocations, but you don't have to do anything.
If you want to be completely frank, then insecure behavior and fear of quickly sending a girl off is due to the fact that the value of any girl is too high for you. Because of this, you fail to defend your right to self-determination.
In fact, this issue is overblown. In this matter, only one thing is needed - self-confidence and determination. But if it is difficult for you to send a girl away, then this is reflected in your whole life and it is difficult for you to say “no” to all other people. And if so, then you will be manipulated. Truth is the only value.
