December 13, 2014

Some interesting statistics. The overwhelming majority of readers of this site are women.

Indeed, women are more inclined to seek solutions to their problems, discuss them and ask for advice. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to hush up their problems, because a man is strong and steadfast, he will deal with his problems himself, right?

Based on these statistics, I am increasingly starting to write articles with an eye specifically on the female audience. But resentment is a universal thing, and therefore it is impossible not to touch on men's feelings. The fact that men don't like to talk openly about their problems doesn't mean that women experience resentment on average more often than men. In addition, resentment experienced by men can often be stronger due to the fact that they do not often give it an outlet.

In what ways does a man experience resentment? Of course, in relatives. And of course, one of these relationships is marriage. It often happens that a young man falls in love without memory and, against the backdrop of sweet expectations of a happy future together, makes a woman an offer. And of course, if the feelings are mutual, at first the relationship is really a fairy tale.

But after a few years, the man suddenly begins to realize that the fairy tale that he painted for himself in his imagination does not correspond to reality at all. And the reason for this is a lack of awareness, a lack of understanding of how women really work, and a lack of knowledge of what should be expected of them. But instead of understanding the situation, he would prefer to withdraw into himself and endure, endure, endure. Until sooner or later the threshold is crossed, and a quarrel occurs, varying in its strength from medium to catastrophic.

I note that this is monogamous relationships. That is, it is expected that the husband and wife will sleep only with each other until the very end, that is, until death or divorce separates. And no one is cheating on anyone, has never cheated and will never cheat. It is immediately clear that the initial premises are not the most realistic, but we will talk about resentment in open and “closed” relationships another time. In the meantime, here's how a wife can hurt her husband without realizing it.

How a Wife Hurts Her Husband in 6 Different Ways

1. Denial of sex. It is not without reason that it is in the first place, since it is almost the most the right way ruin a man's marriage. Dear women, every time you refuse sex to your regular sexual partner, this is a painful blow.

You see what's the matter ... Let's talk openly. Men are lustful animals. They want sex all the time. Whether married or not. Though he is 20 years old, even if he is 50. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome, a young sexy male fucker-bachelor or a modest middle-aged fat loser-married man. In sadness or joy, in grief or resentment - men always want sex.

Of course, the frequency of the question varies from man to man. Libido is different for everyone - someone wants sex 5 times a week, someone even once will be enough. It doesn't change the essence. The bottom line is that regardless of his character, he expects that since he is with a woman, and he has a relationship with her, this automatically implies regular sex with her. Always.

Yes, yes, I know what you can say. “It is not my duty to satisfy him.” “I am not a prostitute for him, I am the wife and mother of his children”, “Sex is not the most important thing”. But here's the thing - if you marry him, if you want to happy relationship, and your relationship is monogamous, I have news for you. It is your duty to fuck your husband. And for your husband, sex is very important, even if it is not the most important thing in marital relations. Why is this so important to him? Because he is not only a caring father and faithful husband, but also a lustful animal, as I mentioned above.

Does this mean that I blame or reproach women? In no case! . Therefore, it is necessary to go through the husbands.

Husbands, remember! Did you really expect that that honeymoon that you had at sea, when you fucked with your freshly baked wife several times a day, was the norm? Or is the first year of your relationship the way it will always be? I have news for you - women are biologically designed in such a way that they get bored with the same man in a long-term monogamous relationship over time.

Do you know why? Because the genetic code that people carry in themselves has not changed for millions of years. And this code programmed women to look for a suitable male who would provide them with offspring and protect this offspring (which is funny, these two roles can be performed separately by two different men). How long does it need to be protected for it to get back on its feet and be able to escape? 20 years? 15 years? 10 years? No, less years than the fingers you have on one hand.

Therefore, from a biological point of view, a woman is “not interested” in sleeping with you for 20 years as it was in the first years of your marriage. Because if you have been living together for a long time, then from a biological, sexual, animal point of view, you are no longer perceived by a woman as a man with whom she sleeps. At least not as much as it used to be. Now you are more like a relative to her, and biology does not allow sleeping with relatives.

But what about emotions? We are not animals, we are people, and not everything is controlled by biology. Yes, this is true, not everything is decided by biology. But emotions are exactly the same biology, and they serve to ensure that you fulfill your biological program. Your male biology has programmed you for sex throughout your life. The point is not that we have more than just biology. The bottom line is that the biology of men and women when it comes to the sexual component of relationships is completely different. She needs to get offspring from a quality male from sex. And you, men, from sex need to spread your biological material across planet Earth. And no social adjustments from above can drown out this fundamental difference between male and female biology, no matter how society denies it, trying to equalize men and women or reduce the importance of biology to nothing.

What does all this mean in terms of the subject matter of this site? After all, the site is not dedicated to evolutionary psychology, but to resentment. And it means the same as always. on his wife, men. If you don’t like the fact that the frequency of sex is decreasing, write it down on paper. And then, when you clean up the offense and see the situation as it is, you will be able to decide what to do. And perhaps you will understand that from now on you can no longer expect that the same woman will be the source of your male joy and satisfaction all your life. But more on that another time...

2. Permanent commands. We are talking about women with a more dominant character. Such women consider themselves “strong and independent”, and in practice this is expressed in attempts to constantly control the situation. In case of discrepancy between the situation and the scenario of events, directives are issued to correct the vector. Such women have a vector for everything, including their husband. So it falls to him, poor fellow.

Here again, men, wake up! A woman commands you only because you allow her to. Yes, there are men who like to obey a woman, but this is not about them. They do not feel offended by this kind of communication with a woman. Therefore, if you are reading these lines, most likely you are not one of them. Clear your mind, rake out all your fears and limiting beliefs, because of which you are not able to resist a woman. And there it will be clear what to do.

3. Attempts to change it. Women marry expecting a man to change over time. Men marry hoping that a woman will never change. Please, here's Venus and Mars, that's it. A man marries, hoping that everything will be as it was at the very beginning. A stable relationship is one that doesn't change.

Give a man a beautiful, smart, cool woman With big breasted and / or elastic ass + a set of all the qualities he likes, and he will be happy. If only it never changed, always remained as it is.

But this is only from a male point of view. From a female point of view, stable relationships are those that have development. Women are more dynamic beings than men.

Women, first of all, with that very dominant character, expect that a man will adapt to new circumstances and, as a result, change if necessary.

Amendment - change if necessary to her. Personally, he may not have any intention of changing, for why? And so everything is fine. But the fact that his wife now and then criticizes him and hints that it is impossible to do this, or that it should be better, this eventually begins to settle in him in the form of resentment.

4. Excessive use of the phrases “You always…”, “You never…”, etc. Oh, women love it. "You never help my mom." "You always leave the toilet seat up." And well, are you really ready to swear that he Always doing something or never doesn't do something there? You don't have to answer, I already know the answer.

Again, the trick is the difference between the communication styles of men and women. The fact that for men and for women these words mean different things. For a man, the words “always” and “never” are determined by their lexical meanings, which can be found in the explanatory dictionary. For a woman, these words are subject to the expression of those emotions that she experiences at one time or another. And if the emotions are strong enough, they bypass the linguistic filters in a woman's head, and, ultimately, are displayed in the form of the words "always" and "never".

Men, do not attach any importance to this - just get used to the fact that women work this way - there will be less resentment. Do not cling to words, you are taking them out of context - the context of her emotional state Here and now. And the resentment that you have already accumulated - what do we do with it? We are working on it, of course. Without pity.

5. Making him responsible for his emotional well-being. It should be noted that not only women do this, everyone does it. And men, and old people, and children. And in relation to everything around. It's not me who's offended, it's you who offended me. It's not me who is a fool and a lazy person, this state is bad and steals. Etc.

But still, if we compare men and women in marital relationships, women more often behave with men in such a way that it is the husband's fault that she is in a bad mood. An interesting seeming contradiction. On the one hand, women are more emotional, and on the other hand, they are less likely to realize what causes their emotions. And as a result, they do not realize that when they blame their husband for their emotions, nothing changes. He doesn't understand what he can do to you. Other than apologizing for nothing on the machine to calm you down.

But men, again, the responsibility for the offense is on you. You also do not shine with awareness if you suffer from similar situations. After all, it happened that your wife directed her bad mood at you, and you have already formed a sense of guilt in yourself. Then you take responsibility for her bad mood on yourself and begin to accumulate resentment, slowly hating yourself more and more along the way. No problem, work it out.

6. Indifference to his efforts. Do you want to hurt your husband? Stop appreciating what he regularly does for you and your children.

A single man does not need so much money to maintain his existence at the same level. This means that a lot of his motivation to work harder is you and possibly your kids. Alas, often this is not realized or forgotten over time.

A single man does not need to help your mother, fool himself with communication with your relatives, or be faithful for decades. Alas, often this is not realized or forgotten over time.

By no means do I mean that men in marriage make greater efforts to preserve them than women. Not at all. Forgetfulness in relation to each other is a universal human defect, inherent in both men and women. Fortunately, you can fight it - after all, studies were invented for a reason.

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It has long been known that the psychology of men and women is arranged differently. The fact that a man does not even notice can hurt a woman painfully. The reason can be anything: forgot about a joint date, carelessly spoke about appearance, lingered without warning, came, spreading the smell of alcohol, and does not say where he was ...

Manipulation or disgust?

The wife withdraws into herself and stops talking to her husband. And he wonders why the wife is silent, what is wrong and how to be? The “silent game” can go on for a long time. The reasons may be as follows: the wife started a psychological manipulation, as a result of which the husband must repent and make amends.

And another thing: he is so disgusting to her that he doesn’t even want to say a word to him - he came drunk as an insole, arranged stupid showdowns ... I want to take a mental break from the guilty one.

Honest and peaceful negotiations

What to do in such cases? Depending on the situation. If the husband is really to blame and the guilt is not trifling, it is necessary to resolve the conflict by entering the family battlefield “with an open visor” and an honest question: explain what is happening, I will understand and try not to repeat the wrong act. Most often, the spouse goes forward, but she needs to “ripen” before explaining. Therefore, it may not work out right away, the husband should be persistent.

If the wife does not make contact in any way, one must reconcile herself - sooner or later she will speak herself, and we must let her express everything to the bottom. It is possible that she has accumulated, hurt. The monologue will soon turn into a dialogue, but it should be peaceful, calm, even if the husband wants to prove his case. Do not allow yourself and your wife to let loose and hysteria - it will grow like a snowball, and turn into a completely uncomfortable lifestyle. Do you need it?

Free discussions are the key to future unity

Try both to understand simple thing: everything that happens in the family should be freely discussed. The position of the spouse must be treated with respect and understanding, even if you do not share it. Everyone is free to have their own opinion on any issue. Only in this way will relations in the family develop in a benevolent direction, and the rapprochement of positions will gradually develop into real family unity.

We love our spouses, we cook deliciously, we serve slippers, we kiss and hug, but do we respect the personality of a marriage partner? A question to think about when a spouse suddenly falls silent for several days.

I am a man [For men, and a little about women] Sheremeteva Galina Borisovna

The silence of a woman

The silence of a woman

If a woman is silent for a long time and is forced to think silently, her brain turns on the negative cultivation of problems. In this state, she may well grow an elephant out of a fly.

Woman gets pregnant everything that comes from a man - a rudely spoken word, a misinterpreted gesture, the wrong tone, look. And work begins in the woman's brain.

If a woman is silent, she is preparing an atomic bomb!

In fact, when a woman stops talking, her brain continues the conversation. Unfortunately, in such a state, she cannot come up with anything positive. Women are collective beings who need joint verbal reflection. They need to know the opinions and desires of their entire family in order not to offend anyone and keep the peace.

So the woman was silent. Like soil, your rude phrase, look, tone of speech got into her brain. Now she will look for flaws in herself, on the basis of which what she perceives from you will begin to develop and germinate. The more a woman is silent, the more seriously she exposes herself to criticism and self-flagellation.

Often, falling silent, a woman begins to think like this: “Oh, since you treat me so badly, what are you saying, I won’t talk to you anymore ...”

But this is only the beginning.

Then she will evaluate your phrase, without criticism, but simply perceiving it as a "pregnancy" that has already happened, which has begun to develop: "If you said so, then everything is bad with me."

Then she will criticize and destroy herself in a way that no one else will ever be able to do. Only she can trample on everything valuable in herself with such passion. If she is not stopped, then she will lower her self-esteem below the floor.

This doesn't happen with men. First, because he only thinks silently.

Secondly, since a man would rather blame others for his mistakes than admit his guilt. What is there to say about self-criticism. The more a man is silent, the more he is sure of his uniqueness, correctness and even genius. So nature arranged him, because he has to silently accept important decisions hunting or war.

When a woman is told: “You are beautiful,” she thinks: “Probably they are laughing at me and something is wrong with me.”

If there is silence after that, she will find a moment to run to the ladies' room and examine herself from all angles in search of a problem.

Many men were surprised. They thought that women so often want to admire themselves.

In fact, if a woman looks at herself in the mirror, she is looking for her problems.

When a man is told: “Good”, he will take it as a confirmation of his value and significance: “Yes, I am like that.”

It would never occur to any of the men to take this as an insult or criticism.

It is too hard for a woman to remain silent for a while. That only they do not think of themselves when they are silent. Therefore, wanting to punish a man, some women use silence. They think it will hurt the man just as much as it hurts them.

In fact, in silence, the man rests and relaxes, and the woman continues her destructive process.

Often in silent women, the hormonal background is disturbed, resulting in a weakened nervous system, tears, tantrums, weight disorders, sleep, headaches, failures in the normal functioning of female organs.

From the book Silent Grief: Life in the Shadow of Suicide (fragments from the book) author Lucas Christopher

Chapter 11, THE MAIN DEAL: SILENCE Silence does not cure the disease. On the contrary, it worsens it. Leo Tolstoy Nobody in the family wants to talk about it. You have to pretend that nothing terrible happened. Close suicide When misfortune happens, families usually

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12. Silence and holy places We need to find God, and he cannot be found in the noise and bustle. God is friendly with silence. Mother Teresa It is often in silence and solitude that you find your most meaningful authentic moments. Silence nourishes the soul and heals the heart. She creates

by Hollis James

From the book Self-Teacher of Wisdom, or a Textbook for those who like to learn, but do not like being taught author Kazakevich Alexander

"The best answer to a fool is silence" If you are really itching to "comb" a daring upstart, some experts recommend resorting to euphemisms. That is, to soften harsh words with their synonyms or synonymous phrases. They are especially good at this technique.

From the book Believe me - I'm lying! by Holiday Ryan

From the book A Practical Guide for a Girl in Love author Isaeva Victoria Sergeevna

Silence of the Lambs Guerrilla qualities are necessary for spies, but they often only harm lovers. Sometimes being silent in bed is a real crime against your body and psyche. Along with a list of situations in which to blurt out too much means to spoil your intimate

From the book Training based on the book by Elizabeth Gilbert. 40 Exercises for Finding Happiness author Aber Maria

Exercise 21. Mindful Silence Before doing this exercise helps develop the skill of mindful, creative silence. Close your eyes. Direct all internal forces to find a place in

From the book A Serious Talk About Responsibility [What to do with deceived expectations, broken promises and incorrect behavior] author Patterson Curry

What to choose - silence or attack? Silence Not every person who comes up with an unflattering story seeks to talk about it, that is, to tear the culprit to shreds - at least he is not always ready to do it right away. Many people take time to get upset

From the book How to overcome shyness author Zimbardo Philip George

Silence Not every person who comes up with an unflattering story seeks to talk about it, that is, to tear the culprit to shreds - at least he is not always ready to do it right away. Many people take time to get upset, feel complacent, or feel

From the book 175 ways to expand the boundaries of consciousness by Nestor James

Silence is not always golden People show their shyness in different ways. 80% note that the reluctance to enter into a conversation is a signal to them and others “Something is not right”. About half of those who are shy indicate that they find it difficult to say anything at all; for 40%

From the book Mental Pools [Return to Life after Severe Shocks] by Hollis James

Voluntary silence We live in an era of eternal noise. It literally makes us sick (see Color Noise). So today, more than ever, a respite in the gentle embrace of the Lady of Silence will not only clear our minds, but also soothe our souls. There is nothing new in silence.

From the book Psychotherapy. The art of understanding nature by Rout Sheldon

The Silence of the Infinites In his work Thoughts, the French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote: "The silence of these infinite spaces frightens me." Who among us has not had to wake up at four in the morning with a terrible feeling of loneliness, vulnerability and fear? Who

From the book How to be happy always. 128 tips to relieve stress and anxiety author Gupta Mrinal Kumar

Chapter 13. Silence Can silence be gold where the silver word rules? Insight resulting from verbal interpretation is usually assigned a major role in the process of psychotherapy. Stone (1961) recalls that words form a psychosomatic bond

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From the book Love and Wars of the Sexes author Ivanov Vladimir Petrovich

The strange silence of traumatized souls The strange silence of traumatized souls... “At the age of sixteen, I learned that one day I would no longer be able to see. Inspired by a mad desire to win and knowing how much my loved ones love me […], I decided not to say anything about the disease

From the author's book

Chapter 8. The Silence of the Innocent “If love for one's neighbor reigned everywhere, then with it there would be no need for laws, no judgments, no tortures, no punishments. For if everyone loved and everyone was loved, then no one would cause any offense to anyone. There would be no murder, no strife,

We talk all the time about what is right, how it should be, how it should not be. Knowing the laws is very important. It is necessary. And saves many lives. But it is also important to remember that fanatical and blind adherence to the rules is harmful. A woman needs to keep her mouth shut. This is true. Instead of reproaching her husband, scolding him, calling him names, comparing, sawing. Be sure to close - so as not to destroy the relationship, so as not to humiliate a man, so as not to break him. Properly and in time, a closed mouth prevents scandals, swearing, fights.

But a woman should not completely close her mouth. I will not even talk about the diseases that develop due to the swallowing of resentments and suppression of anger. I'm only talking about relationship problems. When we try to put up with everything and endure everything, something terrible happens. We kill our love. We ourselves destroy in ourselves not only the very feeling for our man, but also the opportunity to revive this feeling.

Just an example. If you like sweets - for example, ice cream, and will only eat it ... After how many days will you feel sick? After how many days will you stop wanting it? And can you then want again?

This is what happens with women. I want to be good and patient. Accept everything with gratitude. And is silent. And inside is a storm. A storm, because you want separate housing. Or certainty with his work. Or a child. Or flowers. But you never know what a woman wants! Wants - and is silent.

Rejecting her desires as shameful, interfering with herself and her husband. How much God has given - so much I need. And he endures.

But she doesn't understand the consequences. One day, her patience breaks. And she can no longer physically bear this man around. It can't at all. She can love and respect him just the same. But never be with him.

As much as we love sweet things, all six tastes are important – just like in food. Sweet, sour, astringent, bitter, salty, pungent. The balance of the six tastes gives satisfaction. So it is in relationships. We need not only joys, but also the joint living of difficulties, crises, joint grieving and even a point of quarrels and conflicts. Everything must be balanced. For our own health.

I know several such examples personally. Such good girls who were trying to build the perfect marriage. Deceiving everyone around with his happy appearance, hiding his desires and dreams inside. Pretending everything is great. And even for the husband it was a surprise that nothing was good. Never been good. That for the sake of a good picture she gave up herself. And all these years, hatred accumulated inside - for herself and this image. And to the man next to whom she behaved this way.

And they leave. They, good, ideal, leave by themselves. First. Sometimes - to someone. And to someone not so perfect and wonderful. And to the usual, next to which it is permissible to breathe, cry and even suffer from a headache. And sometimes they go nowhere. They leave in search of themselves. Herself, lost the moment she chose to remain silent.

I remember a conversation with a man who left his wife after eight years of marriage. They never fought and he was shocked. She took a small suitcase with things, two children and left. She left a note saying she could take the kids on weekends. As if she had just gone out for bread. And no matter how hard he tried, she did not return. She said that inside her, as if something had died, broken.

And it gets weird, right? To be silent or not to be silent? To speak or not?

• Open your heart to your husband about everything.

Especially about things that are scary. If you cannot tell your husband everything you feel and think, this is a signal icon. Something is no longer right. You are already insincere. You are already deceiving both of you. You are already giving up a part of yourself - in the form of your feelings or thoughts. Even if it hurts him or you, speak up. Choose words, time, place, but speak. Talk about what you don't like, what causes you pain, anxiety. Do not wait for approval, support, help. Usually the first time for a man such behavior of a woman is a test.
We are afraid to open our hearts, because he will see us vulnerable, with a practically naked soul. This will make it much easier to get hurt. And besides, he will see that we are not perfect. And it can be disappointed, fall out of love, quit ...
In practice, silent wives are usually less attractive, relationships with them are more superficial. This is not even a relationship, but the appearance of a relationship, a certain picture ideal family, inside which is emptiness and loneliness. Loneliness, in which a woman has driven herself into her silence and the desire to be perfect.

• Speak in a way that doesn't hurt.

That is, do not scold him, insult, nag. Talk not about him, but about yourself. It's not his fault that you feel this way. Most likely, you feel this way, and therefore he does what he has to do. You are depressed, he - without realizing it - is angry. Choose words, place, time .

• Talk about yourself.

I feel bad. I don't understand myself. It's hard for me. I'm in a panic. I'm upset. Remember books about children's upbringing, how you need to explain to a child what he did wrong. And apply the same to your husband. He is the same person. Not accusations, but "I-messages".

• Be direct about your desires and dreams.

No need to put ultimatums - "either I, or your mother." No need to press. Talk openly about what you want - separate housing, children, creativity, support. And don't expect to get it all right away. The main thing here is permission. By talking about this, you begin to allow yourself your own desires and dreams. This does not mean that they are now mandatory and you follow this. You simply allow yourself to want what you have wanted for so long. But you pretend you don't want to. Why only?

• Don't gloss over conflicts.

Do not allow everything to come back after a quarrel without a conversation. Speak up. Talk about how hard it was for you. Talk about your feelings. It is not necessary to pour out all the experiences only to your husband - go to your older friend, the priest. The husband after all such flow can and not sustain. Ask your spouse for forgiveness. Accept his apology. Discuss the topics that started the fire.

• Be honest with yourself. You are the same as everyone else.

You go to the toilet. You are angry. Are you jealous. You are jealous. You cry. You are scared. You are an ordinary earthly woman, just as vulnerable, illogical and emotional. And everyone around you is the same. Cover girls fart and don't look as model in the morning as they do in the magazine. So stop making yourself a marble perfect idol - " Perfect wife". Nobody needs it - the monument is cold and hard. And your husband needs a warm and loving wife. Not ideal. Live.

• If they don’t listen to you or you don’t know how to speak yet, write letters

You can't be completely silent. But sometimes the husband is not ready to hear something. Then sit down and write him a letter. And then decide for yourself whether to send or not.

One of my friends could not solve the issue of marriage with her husband. Ten years together. Two children. But he doesn't marry. Doesn't hear her. At least leave.

And then she started writing letters to him. About my feelings and anxieties. Paper is easier to open. About why this is important to her, why she needs it. And how it hurts to hear the rejection. Like she's not his princess. Many letters were written. But she put one of them in his work bag.

In the evening, the husband was unusually quiet and silent. He looked at her strangely. She had already managed to be frightened that he thought of her and whom he mentally called her. But I decided not to react to the changes. Live like before. And two days later she received a reply. Letter on the kitchen table in the morning. About his fears and experiences. About how afraid he is of losing her. She sobbed right there, all morning. And she didn't say anything to him in the evening. She was thoughtful and quiet.

And a few days later, an envelope was waiting for her again on the same table. With a ring. And in one sentence - Do you still want to marry me?

The letter is universal. It can be rewritten, thrown out, corrected. You can think about it, choose words. This makes it easier to express your feelings. Yes and open easier than paper than to your beloved eyes, especially if you need to confess something.

And don't be silent. As soon as the woman is silent, everything starts to fall apart. This is a warning sign if you cannot or do not want to open up to your loved one. Before it's too late - stop enduring and trying to seem perfect. Speak up. Stay true to yourself.

Because once the accumulated snowball of resentment and discontent can cut off your path back to your beloved husband.

Olga Valyaeva

A conference on family therapy recently addressed the issue of paradoxical family communication. The idea is that there are often situations in a family where a husband or wife does not see the opportunity or the need to say something directly, and this creates a whole bunch of misunderstandings, unjustified expectations and further resentment. A typical example is that, I think, familiar to many - The husband (boyfriend, child) does something that the wife is offended by. Perhaps he said something wrong, perhaps he forgot about his mother-in-law's birthday, perhaps he did not pay attention to the cleaning or hairstyle that was done just for him. There are many options, but the result is the same - the wife (beloved, girlfriend, etc.) is offended. And very often in case of resentment, to resolve this situation, women choose the option of removal - they do not express their accusations and dissatisfaction, they harbor resentment inside and emotionally distance themselves from their men (do not talk, answer in monosyllables and displeasedly, they can go to another room, and in the worst case, they go to sleep on another sofa). At the same time, all these actions of a woman have only one purpose - for a man to approach her, talk, ask and listen to everything, and MOST IMPORTANTLY - reassure. That is, the wife is offended, she begins to worry about the future of relations with her husband, and needs what If he removed this anxiety - he explained that she understood everything wrong, or that this would not happen again, or that there were objective reasons for his act. But usually, a man does not understand what happened, what exactly he is to blame for. Moreover, a man usually does not even realize that he is to blame, and not the weather, work or women's days . Moreover, to the questions “What happened?”, He receives the answer “Nothing.”. "Everything is fine? - Fine." (this is what paradoxical family communication is - family members insist that they feel good when they feel bad and they want everyone to understand HOW they feel bad and calm them down). The whole burst of conflict usually unfolds in bed before going to bed. The woman was exhausted all evening, her resentment grew and doubts about the correctness of the choice of a man, too. Since he turns out to be not only offending, he is also callous and cold. It is with these characteristics that a woman explains why a man does not go to put up with her. “He deliberately harasses me! He doesn't care about my feelings!" The woman expects that finally, before going to bed, they will talk to her, calm her down. She waits. A man feels the tension of his wife, and usually before going to bed he makes another attempt to find out what is wrong. However, the wife's resentment has already grown so much that it does not allow her to "give up" so quickly, she believes that "if she loves, she will make an effort to make peace." And if he tries only once, then he does it for appearances, but in fact he did not understand anything, and does not love her. Therefore, at the first attempt of a man to make peace, the wife replies “Leave me alone! Everything is fine! or - it's you tell me what happened. Nothing happened, ”Then, the man believes that since nothing happened, but there is tension, he offers to use a very effective way of relieving stress in his opinion - to make love. It is rare for a man to voice this, he begins to pester a woman, in order to help her, to calm her down with the means available to him, to show that he loves her. A woman lies offended by her husband, and then, after timid attempts to reconcile, they begin to pester her. And she draws her conclusion from this male behavior - he needs her only for bed. And he wanted to make peace only in order to drag her into bed. And not her feelings, he does not care about her offense. And she angrily rejects the man's proposals, angrily turns away, wrapped in a blanket. And he waits, waits, waits for a man to realize his guilt and begin to gently but persistently find out what the matter is, or roll in what he has done. After all, the wife loves her husband and believes in him. But, the husband, is even more confused, since all his proposals are rejected. And it is difficult for men to withstand strong and prolonged stress. Therefore, contrary to the expectations of the wife, they save their psyche by falling asleep. From such indifference, the wife either hits silent tears with her face to the wall, or goes to sleep on another sofa, and remembers all the grievances of your relationship. The husband falls asleep, confident that his wife will also sleep, rest, and everything will be fine. But the wife does not sleep, she gets upset, they blame both you and themselves, she cries or worries. She feels bad. And tomorrow she, and therefore you, will become even worse. Usually everything happens that way. I hope this article will help you understand why your wife suddenly stopped talking to you, and why your husband does not put up with you, but brazenly falls asleep. Of course, all situations are individual, but here are some tips on how to behave in them - For men - the best - the sooner you notice that your wife or girlfriend (or maybe daughter) is avoiding you, talking in monosyllables and obviously tense, then it will be most effective to go to her to figure out what happened. Gently, caringly, without giving up before the first "everything is fine." The more offended she is, the more she will resist your help, and the more she will need it and hope for it. And for women, it is best to tell men directly about what offended or offended you in their behavior. It is difficult for them to guess, and they are also bad at hints. Tell him what he did wrong, why you were expecting something else, and how it makes you feel. This will reduce the likelihood of a man repeating his “mistake” much more than your silence and distance from him.