For some people, the realization of happiness comes like an accidental discovery. Usually a person is happy when he is in love. But in matters of the heart, nothing happens just like that. For example, in order to experience family happiness, you have to work on it. Many people want to know the secrets happy marriage. At the same time, many believe that happiness in the family is either given or not given. Partly right and those, and others. But in most cases, the saying "Our happiness is in our hands" is fully justified.

Basic Foundations of Strong Family Ties

A happy marriage doesn't just happen. Even in those cases when people fall in love at first sight, they will have to show maximum tolerance in the family in order to make the happiness of lovers family happiness. When Mendelssohn loses the march, the bride and groom say "we agree", and the couple merge in a magical kiss, people think they are already happy. But sad statistics say that approximately 43% of marriages end in divorce. It is impossible to create a prosperous family with only passionate desires, high feelings and gentle words.

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In order not to experience the bitterness of the collapse of fabulous dreams, in order to achieve the bright goal of a successful marriage, you need to work hard and painstakingly improve family relationships.

1. Communicate more sincerely with each other. Openness in relationships is very important, especially at a time when family affairs are not going well. in the best way. After all, there are many things that can directly or indirectly affect relationships in the family - friends, hobbies, work, education, religion, relatives. If you can't spend time together, or if you have a financial disagreement, it's important to be direct about the cause of your argument and possible ways to address that cause.
2. Another secret to a happy marriage is to create your own family rituals and traditions. Almost all couples who describe their marriage as happy talk about family rituals. It doesn't matter what it is: a candle on the table, lit at a festive family dinner, going to a cafe once a month, traveling with the whole family or dates in significant places in your city. Or maybe a special touch that means "I love you." Someday in the future, these rituals will become the best part of memories - yours and your children's.
3. Learn to listen. After all, oddly enough, people are more polite with strangers than with their loved ones. Is your spouse trying to talk to you? Don't interrupt. Listen politely and tactfully, no matter how busy you are. Listen as politely as you would listen to your boss. After all, decency and patience are integral parts of a happy marriage.
4. Time spent alone with your loved one will help you rekindle the feelings that made you fall in love with each other. It doesn't matter where exactly you will spend time - in a luxurious restaurant or in a cinema at inexpensive places for kissing. Time dedicated to each other is an essential component of a happy marriage. Remember this!
5. Solve the money problem! It's amazing how many marriages fail because of money. Or because of their absence - it does not matter. It is important that many couples simply do not discuss serious financial issues, living for today and not thinking about tomorrow. Discuss each of your preferences regarding money. Agree on how you will pay large sums, who will manage family budget and manage family accounts. What? Do you think that bookkeeping is necessary only for a report to the authorities? Nothing like this. All people who have achieved a lot in life analyze their income and expenses. Remember that the issue of money can be the cause of many major and minor disagreements between husband and wife. And I would not want your happy marriage to fail because of money.
6. Respect each other. There are a few simple rules for those who want to make their marriage happy. First, never go to bed in a family bed in a bad mood. Say "thank you" and "please". Kiss daily and say "I love you". Congratulate each other as often as possible (it doesn’t matter with what, even with the Power Engineer’s Day - you are energetic, or with the Builder’s Day - you both build happy family).
7. Don't break your agreement. And the agreement of all spouses who are in a happy marriage sounds like this: "Family is above all." Do not sacrifice the interests of the family for the sake of a career, entertainment, hobbies.
8. Maintain a relationship with your spouse's family. You both owe a lot to your parents. Not according to the law of the country (already at the age of 18, a person is legally independent and has the right to completely separate from the family), but according to the law of conscience. “Honor your father and your mother,” the Bible says. But in the same book it is written that when a person starts a family, his devotion belongs primarily to his spouse: “A man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife.” Maintaining relationships with parents does not mean running to them for advice in a relatively simple everyday situation, and even more so, complaining about your spouse. The correct attitude towards relatives is to visit them from time to time, choosing an activity that is interesting for everyone. And spend as much time with the husband's parents as with the wife's family. Consider the feelings and needs of parents married couple who wants to be happy, definitely. But at the same time, the family must maintain independence.
9. When relatives visit you, try to be polite to them. Make the time of your parents' visit to you pleasant, make them feel at home. Even if you have already grown up, for your parents you still remain children. And adult children need to remember that their parents will not always be with them. Therefore, one should enjoy their company while one can.
10. The area of ​​personal differences should be tried to minimize. Cliff Albirton, researcher family relations, under the area of ​​personal differences understands the defiant behavior of the spouses and the divergence in personal habits, the difference in attitudes and temperament. Violation of the norms and rules accepted in society is defiant behavior. It can annoy the spouse so much that you will have to forget about a happy marriage. Personal habits (banal scattering of socks around the apartment or a table that has not been wiped after dinner) can also become a strong irritant. Psychologists say that 28% of marriages break up precisely on the basis of personal disagreements. One spouse is pedantic, the other is sloppy. One loves hard rock, the other - classical music. What to do in this case? For this, there is a so-called “candy-bouquet period”. It is necessary for people to get to know each other better and make a conscious decision to marry.
11. Do not try to change anything in the spouse, the only person in the marriage union that you can improve endlessly is yourself. Lifestyle is the totality of all human habits. Where does he go? How about smoking and alcohol? Does he use drugs? What is he interested in? The more you have in common, the more easily you will adapt to each other, the more likely that your marriage will be happy. The value system of each of you is also very important. If he appreciates the same qualities in people as you, your marriage has every chance of being happy.

Instruction

To achieve marital happiness, you must remember that you need to communicate with your spouse. This, of course, is very simple, but in fact, many families collapse due to misunderstandings, mutual secrets and deceptions. If you learn to talk about your experiences to your spouse, share your secrets with him, listen, and most importantly - hear him, most likely you will be able to achieve an ideal relationship. Men have a hard time expressing their emotions, so your next task is to help him open up next to you.

Sometimes people prefer to walk away and hide from the problem, close their eyes to it, and not look for a solution. Remember that with the right view of things, you can not only overcome all obstacles with your lawful husband, but also temper your relationship. Of course, there will be crises in your marriage from time to time. From time to time it may seem to you that there is simply no way out of the impasse, but you should not give up. Remember that you must fight for your love to the last.

When disagreements arise between you and your soulmate, you do not need to stoop to mutual insults and humiliation. Learn to calmly express your dissatisfaction to each other, listen to other people's opinions, and also work on mistakes. Build your conversations constructively, they should not turn into empty scandals.

Never let your passion cool down. Arrange intimate surprises for your beloved. Let it be an erotic massage or an exciting dance, which will later develop into a stormy night, full of love and passion. Try to diversify your sexual relations and add something new to them that will please your beloved man.

Do not focus only on your beloved. In addition to it, you should also have a personal life, which will include work, hobbies and hobbies, as well as communication with friends. If you are alone all day, you will get tired of it too quickly.

Remember that relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect. Never allow yourself to be rude to your spouse and respect his point of view.

So that your life does not become boring, try to have fun together. Do not sit at home in front of the TV. Take a look around! There are so many pleasant moments in life that will make your married life brighter and more interesting.

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Many women believe that the stamp in the passport means that you no longer need to do anything, the goal has been achieved. They are wrong. Marriage can be compared to a routine and sometimes even boring job. Many couples, at the very first problems, run to file for divorce, forgetting that the family is a construction site and this construction site must be started anew if problems arise.

Love and happiness, how to achieve them?

1. No need to try to remake your "half". The character of a person is formed quite early. We were late anyway, why spoil our own nerves and those of our spouse? A wise woman will translate the shortcomings of her husband into the category of petty pranks that are so easy to forgive children.

2. We must not forget about the word "thank you." It will not cost you anything, and your loved one will be pleased.

3. You must always keep the brand. Even at home, you need to try to stay beautiful. Worn out slippers, curlers, and a dressing gown have caused many infidelities and destroyed more marriages than infidelity for other reasons.

4. Sexual life is very important. wise wife She also becomes her husband's mistress. She will do everything so that her husband does not even think about looking "to the left."

5. Find common interests. If they don't exist, you need to create them. You can't let yourself stop being interesting to each other. Photography, camping, movies, music, sports - such hobbies will unite more than the notorious stamp in the passport.

6. You can not cut from the shoulder. Family conflicts are normal. But when they arise, you need to give your spouse a chance to express his point of view. Often conflicts arise simply because of misunderstandings.

7. Give yourself some freedom. You should not take on everything, become a draft horse. A drop of freedom will give you a break, and your family - joy, because the wife is happy - the husband and children are happy.

Psychological portrait of happy spouses

Both work;

Everyone has his own place of solitude, where no one will disturb him;

They wear wedding rings;

They live without strict rules in relation to each other;

Calmly discuss their problems.

Of course, this is just an approximate formula with which you can build a successful marriage. Each family is different, but the most important thing is to love each other, be attentive to each other and respect each other always and in everything.

Australian scientists have identified factors that keep partnerships or marriages intact. And be sure that not only love applies to them.

The age of the partners, previous relationships, and, for example, the smoking of one of the spouses are factors that play a huge role in the success of a marriage, say researchers from the Australian National University. The study involved about 2,500 couples who were married or lived together from 2001 to 2007.

The study looked at what factors contributed to couples living together for so long. The results were compared with couples who divorced or live separately. It has been found that when a husband is 9 or more years older than his wife, the risk of divorce doubles. The same situation arises if the spouses were married before the age of 25.

Children are another important indicator of relationships. The researchers found that 1/5 of couples who had children (either from a previous or current relationship) ended in divorce before marriage. By comparison, only 9% of couples who had no children before marriage divorced.

Divorce is also more prone to women who want to have a child much more than their partners. Similar big role play in the future of marriage and parents of partners. The study found that 16% of men and women whose parents are divorced or live separately are also divorced. In contrast, less than 10% of couples with undivorced parents divorced.

Family relationships include not only love, care, respect and tenderness, but also constantly arising problems, compromises, difficulties, disagreements, patience. Women have been wondering for a long time what principles will lead to family happiness and understanding between spouses? Is there a universal remedy, the most correct and ideal advice that will bring happiness to the house and preserve the feelings of the spouses? There is no secret or principle that would guarantee a calm and happy family life, since what is ideal for one married couple may not be suitable for another. After all, each family It is a separate state with its own laws, rules and regulations. But psychologists are able to give advice that will make life easier and make relationships more productive and warm.

The ability to forgive

The ability to treat each other with understanding and forgive weaknesses, shortcomings, actions of a loved one in family life is priceless. Family life there is no sweet and carefree, there is a place for both happy moments and difficult, sad moments. You should not keep a grudge in yourself, this leads to an increase in tension between loved ones and the appearance of quarrels and disagreements. If any claims arise, it is better to sit down and openly, as frankly as possible, talk to each other so that there is nothing left that is repressed. Talking can help you avoid family conflicts.

Keep your emotions in check

The inability to control emotions in most cases is the cause of quarrels and conflicts in the family. Even people, selflessly loving friend each other, are able to hurt each other under the influence of emotions. That is why it is so important to learn how to manage them. Most often, women commit any actions and rash acts under the influence of emotions, and then regret what has been done. If a woman feels that she is on the verge, she needs to try to calm down and put her thoughts and feelings in order. At this point, it is better to leave the room in which the spouse is located, go to Fresh air, take a deep breath and count to 10, then back. Entering the room, the woman will be surprised at herself and notice that she could have made an irreparable mistake. Emotions can be too dangerous for those who do not know how to manage them.

Opportunity to take a break from each other

If young people get married and live under the same roof, having created a family, this does not mean at all that they should spend 24 hours a day together. Each of the spouses needs to have their own space, a personal territory where they can restore their spiritual strength, find inspiration and return home renewed. Another important rule It is respect for each other's personal space.

Don't get caught up in criticism

Some people criticize unconsciously, not out of a desire to hurt or offend. native person but because they tend to see other people's shortcomings and not notice the merits. The second half has both strengths and weaknesses. You should not notice one weakness, ignoring a lot of advantages.

For example, if he doesn’t get along with plumbing, he doesn’t know how to fix broken electrical appliances, but at the same time he perfectly finds mutual language with children, spends time with them in an exciting and useful way, engaging in their development, then why not praise him and not notice his ability to build harmonious and trusting relationships?

Honesty

Honesty is the foundation of any relationship. Without it, it is impossible to create a strong and lasting union. It is worth remembering that lies always become obvious. Initially, you need to build a relationship with your spouse based on trust and honesty. Only in this case marriage will bring happiness and harmony.

“And they lived happily ever after”: such a prospect of a relationship pleases women. But many complain that love leaves their relationship, passion fades, interest in each other disappears, happiness disappears. What to do to prevent this, how to become happy in marriage with your husband? Let's try to answer these questions.

If you look, a lot of books have been written about how to become happy in marriage, many articles have been published on how to find harmony in relationships, hundreds of femininity trainings are held daily. Women are ready to do a lot for the sake of their family, they are ready to study the psychology of men, they are ready to be the best cook, friend, lover, hostess, wife, mother for men ... and at the same time remain a submissive and gentle girl ...

Isn't that too much? This question will arise for many. Maybe. But the women who managed to do all this say that it is not difficult, they say that this is all given to a woman by nature. Being such, a woman blossoms and lights the way for her man.

How to Be Happy in Marriage to Your Husband

Every woman wants to be happy in marriage. But everyone has their own happiness. Someone feels good when the house is full of children, it annoys someone. Therefore, to become happy in marriage is both easy and difficult. It is difficult in the sense that if we want to achieve happiness, we need to fulfill certain conditions.

Our delusions that happiness is difficult to achieve can also interfere with becoming happy in marriage. We think that what comes easily cannot be happiness, happiness must be earned and suffered.

Instead of being really happy, we begin to get happiness, invent limitations and obstacles for ourselves.

How can you still be happy in marriage?

Determine the parameters of your happiness in marriage

Being happy in marriage is the goal. To achieve it, you need to see and know this goal. What does it mean to you to be happily married? How will you know that you are happy in your marriage? Otherwise, this long-awaited happiness may come, and you will not pay attention to it. If the state of happiness in marriage for you is when your husband loves you, designate for yourself how you will understand that he loves you (he carries you in his arms, says compliments, invites you to the cinema ...). The more parameters you find, the easier it will be for you to achieve your goal. Designating the parameters of your happiness is like playing mother-daughter. That is, literally taste and color these parameters. You can create a collage that depicts yourself happily married and your family nearby.

Indicate that what is happening in the family gives you pleasure.

To begin to feel happy in marriage, there are few decorations, they need to be filled with specific things that bring pleasure. You can literally make a list of everything that made you happy in your life together with your spouse, indicate what you cannot imagine your life without. life together. It can be gatherings in a cafe, reading books, shopping, etc. Check your list, mark what was successful and what was not. Add something new. Pay attention to what you can not implement in any way. What's stopping you from doing this? How can it be implemented?

Live here and now

It is impossible to be happy in marriage yesterday and tomorrow. Happiness is felt only today. Your order is only present. If your thoughts are focused only on what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, then you will never be able to experience happiness. If nothing makes you happy here and now, then the future may also not please you.

Consider your want and can

Happiness is built on our desires and resources, consider your want and ability. It’s not enough to dream about something, you also need to understand how to realize everything, otherwise the goals turn into castles in the air that collapse, leaving disappointment in their place. Remember those parameters and the list that you made, what you really want and are ready to fulfill in order to become a happy marriage. Your list should only include what you can accomplish on your own.

One of the most effective ways to become happy in marriage is not to be afraid of the "roller coaster" in marital relations, to resolve conflicts, to negotiate, to hear each other.

Emotional balance. Want details? Imagine a sunny morning, you wake up, go to the kitchen and cook fried eggs for your beloved. But here's the problem. Everything stuck to the pan, your husband did not appreciate such a breakfast and gave it to the dog. You are upset, ran to the bathroom, where you cried for half a day.

The first thing to do in order to become happy in marriage is to learn how to regulate your emotional state. You know that the husband with the most patience will not be able to live normally next to a touchy, irritable, yelling wife. Try not to waste your life energy. Learn not to pay too much attention to the little things.

Of course, you will say that our life consists of little things, but believe me, the one who knows how to consider some things unimportant is happier. Indeed, in the situation with the fried eggs described above, what is more important to you is your mental health or a failed fried egg.

Many women believe that cleanliness and order in the house is much more important than a healthy microclimate. For a person, love is much more important than grated pans.

Show love and care for your inner world. To become happy in marriage, you need to start treating yourself with love, paying attention to your inner world, which is sorely lacking in the fast pace of life. This must have a place in your life. Set aside an hour in your schedule for your hobbies and hobbies.

Each of us has reserves of creative energy, you just need to direct it in the right direction. It is worth doing our own development every day, otherwise we will get lost in the stream of trifles, confusion and routine that take away all our strength.

New skills in our life will not be superfluous. Realize your dreams and ideas in marriage, it is not necessary to do this together with your husband or wait for his proposal, take responsibility into your own hands. No one else can give you a sense of fulfillment except you. Maybe you want to learn how to embroider or sing, maybe you dream of running your own blog, get down to business, don't sacrifice your dreams. A woman who could not realize herself as she wanted to will be unhappy even with the best husband.

Let's not forget about our appearance. How much time do you spend on your appearance? How can you be happy in marriage if you don't love yourself. We are all well aware that hair, skin, teeth, body need daily care. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. When you feel attractive, you become much happier.

Set aside at least a small amount of money for yourself and visit a beauty salon once a month. This is a profitable investment. A neat appearance for a woman is necessary for self-confidence. Husbands often complain not about wives who invest in themselves, but about wives who do not look after their appearance.

Don't avoid fights. Conflicts and showdowns are not an apocalypse, these are completely normal and natural moments in a couple's life. The happiest wives sometimes quarrel with their husbands. This is not the end of a marriage. Conflict helps us overcome differences for the sake of shared happiness.

Remember tenderness. Ask each other how your day went, help make the bed, kiss and hug. It is very important. Love is expressed in such pleasant little things. Tell each other that you want to help in everything that each other’s life is important to you, thank each other for being able to spend a day together ... When I don’t forget about tenderness in a couple, it doesn’t matter what day you had: bad or good, it is important that you have each other.

Go for a compromise. In life there is always room for concessions and compromises. If you want to become happy in marriage, then sometimes you have to give up something for the sake of your partner's happiness. Remember that you are looking for a compromise for the sake of your joint happiness, and not for your partner.

How to become happy in marriage - advice from a psychologist

Indeed, many books have been written about the fact that for happiness in the family you need to become an ideal for your husband. Be for him a personal chef in the kitchen, deal with

cleaning the house, to become a good mother for his children, to translate all his sexual fantasies into reality every day, and at the same time remain a gentle, faithful and complaisant wife.

"Isn't that too much?" - you ask. “Perhaps,” I answer. After all, I once asked myself this question. And believe me, to my great joy it turned out that it is not difficult at all. After all, we are talking about changing in the eyes of her husband, and not in reality. Do you understand what I mean?

So, let's start preparing a magic cocktail. Ingredients: 200 ml of affection, the same amount of tenderness, 0.5 liters of female cunning, 100 ml of intelligence, 0.7 grams of charm and 1 kg of wisdom (if some ingredients are missing, then wisdom will cover all the missing ones). Ready! We present a cocktail to our faithful, and happiness in marriage with a long-term guarantee for one century is guaranteed to you.

And now in more detail. If one day you got out of bed in the morning, ran to the kitchen to fry fried eggs for your precious one, and quite by chance you mixed the yolk with the protein, after which you received a severe reprimand from your husband, and spent the rest of such a “happy” morning in the bathroom, crying bitterly. tears; if you are really tired of all this, then at the same unfortunate moment, you should understand that everything needs to be urgently changed, from the same second, moreover, once and for all.

You need to change not only yourself, of course, but also your husband, children, if any, skills and even pets, and most importantly, your views need to change, your own views on life, family, work, children and life, such a vengeful and insidious.

The first thing to do on the path to perfection is to learn how to deal with your emotions. Believe me, even the most loving and most calm husband will not tolerate a woman constantly crying and screaming like a monster. Try to be less irritated, do not waste your nerves and your vital energy. Just learn to ignore the little things.

Of course, our life consists of little things, but believe me, happiest person someone who considers at least some things to be completely unimportant. But really, there are things more important than a failed scrambled eggs, such as your health, the health of your husband and children.

For example, I always loved cleanliness and order, but with the advent of the baby, irritation and constant fatigue simply attacked me. And then I realized that for a man it is important at all on a polished floor, but a kind, cheerful and gentle wife.

The second, golden rule treats with love and attention to yourself, beloved, unique and so special, which, among the daily routine, does not have enough time for itself. And it must be present - at least one hour a day exclusively for their own needs.

As you know, every person, from birth, has creative energy, and it is only necessary to direct it in the right direction. And it should be directed daily, otherwise your strength will run out behind the little things and the confusion of disorganization, and vital energy will disappear altogether.

Yes, and any skills in this life are not superfluous. Remember what you have always wanted to do: sewing, knitting, cooking, mastering the art of manicure, or maybe you have always dreamed of writing a book? Hold on, just don't give up. And do not waste time - start immediately, without delay.

The third, no less important rule concerns your appearance. How often do you pay due attention to your appearance? And, after all, we all know that skin, hair and teeth need daily care. In order to remain the one and only for your man, you need to work on yourself. And even if sometimes there is not enough money for salons, use folk remedies- they will not worse preserve your beauty. But still, in the routine of everyday problems, still find the opportunity to allocate for yourself, your favorite, at least a small monthly amount and find time to go to the hairdresser, get a manicure and pedicure ...

Believe me, this is a very profitable investment. We need well-groomedness for self-confidence and self-realization. Yes, and husbands do not leave those women who spend money on themselves, but those who neglect their appearance.

And, fourthly, I would like to say about the attitude, even about self-love. You must learn to love and respect yourself, no matter what. As long as we love ourselves, others love us too. But others also need to be loved and preferably as they are.

Improve yourself, reincarnate, be feminine and charming. Become an ideal for your husband: seduce him, praise him, tease him - anything, just do not be indifferent to his affairs, interests, his health and everything that worries him.

Learn to be happy, because we are all waiting for happiness, not realizing that it is near, and you just need to learn to appreciate and carefully store it.

I wish you warmth, good luck and patience!