How does the divorce of parents affect the child's psyche of the child. Divorce of parents and its impact on the psyche of the child: what to do and how to help the baby get through difficult times? The influence of separation of parents on the psyche of the child

Infidelity is a frequent, but far from the only, reason for divorce, and even if there were none, divorce is still a difficult event for both partners and their children. Alison Nastasi found out exactly how divorce affects the future lives of family members and whether it is really as difficult to go through it as we used to think.

Jennifer Glass

Professor of Humanities and Executive Director of the Department of Social Science Research at the University of Texas at Austin

The answer to this question depends on the subject of the discussion. Sociologists agree that divorce is bad for children, especially if the parents divorced "quietly", without clarifying the relationship in front of the children. At the same time, if the parents often quarreled and there was physical or emotional abuse against one of the parents or children, the divorce will be more beneficial for the children.

Divorce affects heterosexual partners differently. Women tend to recover faster emotionally but suffer more financial hardship. Despite the fact that now women are gradually starting to earn more, it is still difficult for them, because, as a rule, the burden of care and upbringing falls on them. Men suffer more emotionally, and they remarry faster. Longitudinal academic research confirms that although marriage has a positive effect on the psychological state of both men and women, it still has a greater effect on men.

Stephanie Kunz

Divorce is a difficult and painful process that should not be taken lightly. But this is not the end for adults or children, and is often preferable to a failed marriage, which can cause even more harm. Many of the problems attributed to divorce are actually rooted in earlier events that took place 8-12 years before the divorce. Other problems arise already during or immediately after a divorce, when former spouses openly conflict or incite children against a former partner. Parenting after divorce is possible and pays off in every way, although it requires parental discipline and an understanding of the role stability plays in children's lives. For example, for a teenager, moving and changing schools in the middle school year more likely to act as a trigger for antisocial behavior than divorce itself.

There are a few more things to know about divorce. For example, the number of divorces is gradually falling, especially among partners who have received higher education. 70% of those first married in the early 90s celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary together, as do 65% of those who got married in the 70s and 80s. Couples who got married in the early 2000s seem to be doing even better. Divorce by mutual agreement, and not through the fault of one of the partners, is not a problem today. A study in the 1970s and 1980s examining the impact of new laws allowing divorce by mutual consent found that female suicide rates dropped by 8-13% and domestic violence by 30%. At the same time, despite the widespread use of such laws, the total number of divorces has also decreased.

Divorce is not the same for everyone. Most recover well after it, but some people cannot cope with this injury and can create problems not only for themselves, but also for loved ones. For example, a recent study showed that 18% of children become more aggressive after their parents divorce, 14% become less aggressive, and the rest do not change their behavior. I'm not saying that divorce is nothing, but if parents can raise children together after it, this will help not only the children to get through the pain faster, but also the former spouses themselves. It is also worth remembering that if a parent sets a child against his former partner, this will rebound on him when the child grows up.

Ariel Kuperberg

assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro

It all depends on what the marriage itself was like and in what circumstances the former spouses ended up after the divorce. Obviously, happy marriage is better than a divorce, but divorced people do not have such an alternative at all: they choose between bad marriage and divorce, which may be more beneficial.

The financial situation is highly dependent on the number of children a couple has, who will raise them after a divorce, and the career prospects of each spouse. Women tend to earn less than men, but more often than not, they are raising children, so after a divorce, they are more likely to experience financial difficulties. At the same time, men's income may, on the contrary, increase if they do not take part in the upbringing of children. Of course, these are all generalizations, and how people will deal with financial problems depends on their individual arrangements.

Susan D. Stewart

professor of sociology at Iowa State University

Divorce is really as bad as it is made out to be, and it really ruins the financial situation. Despite this, most former partners and their children recover well - in the sense that divorce does not break their personality. Otherwise, there would be a huge number of traumatized people in society.

Divorce is one of the most stressful events in life, and it negatively affects the well-being of adults and children, at least financially, professionally, and emotionally. Divorce is a process, so people recover relatively quickly. True, it has a long-term effect: the pain that divorce causes follows children into their adulthood. Most men and women enter into new marriage within five years of divorce, and most children of divorced parents live happy lives. This does not mean that they do not have difficulties, but one divorce is usually not enough to ruin someone's life.

In addition to the emotional, the financial aspect is also important. Both men and women experience financial hardship after divorce, but women are more affected and it is more difficult for them to move up the career ladder (some fail). Usually they raise children, while about half of the women do not receive any financial support for this. How well a person copes with financial problems is influenced by their level of education, age, and other factors. Emeritus professor at the University of Southern California, author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family

While divorce can be painful and stressful, it is neutral in and of itself. Most people experience the most unpleasant emotions during a divorce: they have to say goodbye to some dreams, familiar family life, a loved one. Despite these losses, many people say they do not regret the divorce, live a fulfilling life after it, and have a good chance of starting a new relationship within three years.

There are, however, good and bad divorces. Good ones do not stop family relationships, minimally affect the emotional and financial state of the spouses and almost do not entail negative consequences for children. Bad divorces destroy a family completely, and children suffer because of it.

When a marriage falls apart, some parents wonder: should we stay together for the sake of our children? Others see divorce as the only saving option. And while all parents face endless challenges (custody, alimony, property division), they are the least worried about how the children experience this situation.

So what are the psychological consequences of divorce for children? A broken family is stressful for all children. Some deal with divorce a little earlier, others a little later. The good news is that parents can take steps to help children heal from trauma and support their emotional well-being.

Here are some supportive parenting strategies to help children adjust to the changes brought about by divorce. Is there anything parents can do to help their children? How does the child's psyche suffer?

The first year after divorce is the hardest.

Divorce rates have risen around the world over the past few decades. More than 40% of children under 16 live in incomplete families.

Studies have shown that children go through a divorce within the first year or two. They suffer, experience anger, anxiety, lose confidence in others. Some children are able to resist such a situation. They quickly get used to the changes in their daily lives, and for some they become comfortable conditions.

Others never seem to return to normal. This small percentage of children may experience permanent—even lifelong—problems after their parents divorce.

The emotional impact of a breakup on children

Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the whole family, but for children, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating:

Young children often struggle to understand why they should choose between two houses. They may worry that if their parents stopped loving each other, someday they will stop loving them too.
Children elementary school may worry that the divorce is their fault. They are afraid that they are misbehaving, or they may assume that they have done something wrong.
Teenagers tend to get angry at their parents and the changes they have created. They may blame the father or mother for the dissolution of the marriage, be offended by them because of the turmoil in the family.

Of course, every situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relief from separation if divorce means less stress.

Stressful events associated with the dissolution of a marriage

Divorce usually means that children lose daily contact with one of their parents, most often the father. Reduced contact affects the bond between parent and child. Researchers have found that many children feel distant from their fathers after a divorce.

The dissolution of a marriage also affects the child's relationship with the custodial parent - most often the mother. Studies show that women after divorce become less affectionate and supportive of their children, and discipline is less consistent and effective.

For some children, the separation of their parents is not the hardest part. Instead, the accompanying stressors are what make divorce difficult. Transfer to another school new house Living with a parent who feels frazzled and upset are just some of the additional stressors that make the divorce process difficult.

Financial difficulties are also common after a breakup. Many families are forced to move to small houses, change neighborhoods, face debt and malnutrition.

Remarriages and current adjustments

Most divorced people go into remarriage within 4-5 years. This means that many children are undergoing constant changes in their family life.

Step-parents, half-brothers and sisters can be an even greater test for children. Quite often, both mother and father remarry, which means many changes for the children. The number of failures in the case of the second marriage is even higher than in the case of the first. So, many children have to go through divorce several times over the years.

Problems that may extend into adulthood

For a minority of children, the psychological effects of divorce can be long-lasting. Some research has linked marriage dissolution to worsening mental health problems, substance use, and adult hospitalizations.

Adults who experienced divorce as children tend to have lower educational and professional levels, as well as more employment and economic problems. They experience relationship difficulties.

Divorce can affect academic performance. As a rule, children from incomplete families do not have time to study. They skip classes more often, lose concentration in class, become more passive and lethargic.

Another study found that children in divorced families are more likely to put themselves at risk. Substance use, questionable company, early sexual activity - all this is just the result of endless stress and emotional trauma.

Psychological help: from parents to children

Parents play an important role in how children adjust to divorce. Here are some strategies to help keep children emotionally balanced:

Is it better for children when parents save the marriage?

Despite the fact that divorce is a tough situation for the whole family, maintaining a marriage for the sake of children is not always the best option. Children who live in homes with a lot of contention, hostility, and resentment may be at higher risk of developing mental health problems and behavioral problems.

Remember that it is normal for children to struggle with their feelings and behaviors after being separated from a parent. But if the mood of the child and other problems persist for a long time, then it's time to seek help from professionals. Start a conversation with a pediatrician to get to good psychologist. Individual therapy will help the child deal with emotions and perceptions of the situation.

And what do you think about this?

This is due to the fact that it is the parents who are obliged to support and provide for their children until they reach the age of majority, and in some cases even up to the age of 23 (children studying full-time in universities), these duties are spelled out in Article 80 of the Family Code. Even after the parents divorce, the child retains this right. The amount of maintenance obligations is established by the court on the basis of Article 81 of the Family Code and is determined as a percentage (share) ratio in direct proportion to the number of common children. Thus, the state provides for one child 25% of the total earnings of the parent who is responsible for such payments, as for 2 children, 33% is due, and 50% of the earnings for 3 or more children. For some time now, the law has allowed keeping up to 70% of the total income (this is due to the fact that the alimony may also have loan obligations).

The impact of divorce on the psyche of the child

What documents are required for a divorce in the registry office? The list of documents required for a divorce differs depending on how the spouses will divorce - through the court and through the registry office, as well as other circumstances of the divorce. For example, for a divorce through the registry office, there are three types of applications:

Form 10 application for divorce based on the relevant court decision.
Application form 9 for divorce.
Form 8 application for divorce by mutual consent of the spouses.

If people divorce by mutual consent, then both must sign the application.
You can fill out the application by hand or using a computer. However, if the application is drawn up on a computer, then it will have to be signed in the presence of a registry office employee.

If one of the spouses cannot appear for the divorce, he can write a separate application and notarize it.

The impact of parental divorce on the psyche and behavior of children

The man will not be able to apply to the court until the child is 1 year old. Divorce is possible only after that, if the mother of the baby gives consent.

Attention

Otherwise, the bailiff appoints the payment of alimony not only to the child, but also to the woman. They will have to be paid until the child goes to kindergarten, and the woman goes to work.

Divorce if there are three-year-old children B judicial practice there are many cases when spouses get divorced, having a child under three years old. In this case, a man or woman must submit an appropriate application, only after that deal with their problems.
Divorce through the registry office with minor children is not possible. Former lovers need to discuss child custody, alimony.

This procedure is not easy, you will have to run around the authorities, collect the documents that you need to have available.

Divorce with a small child under 3 years old in Russia

By decision of the court, the size of the shares can be either increased or reduced, it depends on the financial situation of the alimony. Such a decision does not apply to maintenance payments established by the court in a firm form.

Those. the court, at the request of the parent demanding the recovery of maintenance from the opposite side, may determine the type of maintenance payments in the amount of living wage for one child. In the case when, in the process of divorce, the court awards, by mutual decision, the spouses to leave each parent with a child, then, accordingly, alimony is collected from both parents.

Alimony is paid monthly.

The impact of divorce on the psyche of the child and the order of communication of parents after a divorce

Important

Otherwise, the decision takes effect immediately, after being hit with a hammer. If there are children from one to three years old, family disputes do not always end peacefully.

Sometimes one of the parties does not agree with the decision of the bailiff. There are two outcomes: to agree to the peaceful fulfillment of the conditions of the decision, or the other side will draw up a document and force it to be done by force.

The decision is executed on a voluntary basis.
Parents have no claims against the court decision, custody of minor children will be executed in accordance with the prescribed conditions.
By force. If there are problems with the execution of a court order by one of the parents, the child custody authorities may intervene.

How does parental divorce affect children?

In this case, you will have to think not about saving time, money and effort, but about finding an experienced lawyer who can protect your interests. As you know, there are two ways to get a divorce - through the registry office or by going to court.

Here you can find out how these divorce methods differ, as well as get answers to other questions:

Divorce through court.
Divorce through the registry office.
What papers will be needed for a divorce through the registry office.
Separation of children in divorce.
How to divorce your husband if you have children.
How to divorce your wife if you have a child.
Divorce if the child is under 1 year old.
Divorce of spouses with children under 3 years old.
Divorce with two or more children.

Divorce through the court Divorce through the court may be necessary if the spouses have minor children and the children are common.

How to tell a 3 year old about a parent's divorce

It is possible to facilitate the divorce procedure, if there are good reasons for this:

Such grounds may be the incapacity of the spouse, which the other party did not suspect;
Also, such a basis may be a criminal record assigned to one of the spouses.

In the presence of one of these grounds, the divorce proceedings may be completed unilaterally. In the case when the husband and wife decided to divorce, having come to a mutual agreement, the man can also file a divorce suit, but on the condition that there is a written confirmation of the consent of the spouse.

Where should I apply for a divorce if I have children? As mentioned above, having children under the age of majority, an application for divorce must be submitted only to the court. Even if there is a mutual agreement between the spouses, a divorce can be made precisely in court.

Rules for Divorce with Minor Children

The court may:

To postpone consideration of the case for reconciliation of the parties, but not more than for a month.
Refuse to consider the case if the claim is drawn up incorrectly or other requirements of the law are not met when submitting documents to the court.
Refuse to divorce if the child is not a year old (or the wife is pregnant) in the event that the woman does not agree to the dissolution of the marriage.

In other cases, they must divorce in court. But in regard to children under three years old, there is a nuance.
The fact is that, in accordance with Article 89 of the Family Code, spouses must financially help each other. Before the child is three years old, the woman is on leave to care for him and cannot work, so the responsibility for the maintenance of the child and wife falls on the husband. If the spouses divorce during this period, then the husband will have to pay alimony not only for the child, but also for the wife.

If there is a child under 3 years old, the divorce goes through the court

For failure to comply with the decision of the bailiff, a fine is due. How long does a divorce last? How long will the divorce process last if former lovers have minor children under 3 years old? The answer to this question is definitely impossible - it depends on many factors:

whether the couple has disagreements about who will look after the children after the breakup of the marriage;
if the divorce occurs consciously, by mutual desire;
whether the other parent agrees to the payment of alimony;
whether the other parent agrees to see the child during the hours established by the court.

If there are any disagreements in the opinion of the couple and the bailiff, the divorce process will be delayed. Only after the court has collected all the documents, a final decision can be made. This decision is made taking into account the needs of the child up to 3 full years.

Divorce and children

All this will be evidence and will be taken into account by the court, which can definitely affect the future decision of the judge. The role of guardianship and guardianship authorities As a rule, any procedure involving a divorce cannot do without the presence of guardianship authorities if the interests of minor children are affected in the process.

Based on article 66 of the Family Code, guardianship authorities have the right to intervene in the divorce procedure if they have doubts about parental qualities married couple. If the spouses have disputes regarding who will take care of the child, then it is necessary to contact the guardianship and guardianship authorities.

Most often, during a divorce, situations occur when one party seeks to achieve deprivation parental rights the other side.
In such situations, the participation of guardianship authorities will also not be superfluous, which will assess the situation and decide who will eventually be the main guardian of the child. Is the father obliged to support the child and his mother until the age of three? In situations where, after the divorce proceedings, the child remains with his mother, the ex-wife has the right to claim alimony not only for the baby, but also for herself, because the child must be regularly looked after until he reaches the age of three, and this does not make it possible to fully earn money.

Based on this, we can conclude that maintenance payments should apply to both the baby and his mother until she goes to work. According to article 89 of the RF IC, a spouse during pregnancy and until the child reaches the age of three has the right to maintenance payments from ex-husband if he has the necessary funds to do so.

Unfortunately, every third family in the world collapses for various reasons. Worst of all from this event are children who are not to blame for anything, but are forced to experience enormous psychological stress. After all, kids love both parents equally, it is important for them that both mom and dad are together next to them. In this article, we will talk about How to survive a divorce of parents.

For children, family is the most important thing in life. In the arms of mom and dad, they feel safe. In the family, kids learn to love, appreciate, feel, take care of native person. Family for a child is huge world in which it is warm, calm and comfortable.

And imagine how a child feels when his ideal world collapses. He becomes hurt, sad and insulting. To some extent, he feels betrayed by his parents, who created an illusion in the baby's head, shattered his dreams, turned his worldview upside down.

However, a lot depends on how old you are. child at the time of parental divorce. Psychologists have explained how they feel children after parents divorce at different ages:

Toddlers from 0 to 1.5 years:

the child still does not understand anything - he does not understand the reasons why his mother is constantly sad, and his father swears;
discord in family relationships negatively affects the health of the child - he becomes irritable, painful (doctors say that because of this, the baby may lag behind in development).

Toddlers from 1.5 to 3 years:

at this age, the child may not yet understand the reasons for the quarrels between mom and dad, but he feels everything - scandals scare the baby, force him to close himself in, hide from the outside world;
a child may run away from home due to misunderstanding of what is happening and mixed feelings, his desire to live with his parents may disappear, as he is calmer in a circle of people where silence and spiritual harmony reign.

Toddlers aged 3 to 6 years:

they blame themselves for the fact that their parents want to leave, so they begin to withdraw into themselves, constantly humiliate themselves;
the child, realizing that he cannot fix anything, becomes shy and confused - he develops many phobias that parents should pay due attention to in a timely manner, and often this does not happen, because mom and dad constantly quarrel or are too busy with the divorce process.

Child aged 6-11:

becomes very nervous and irritable, which causes problems with discipline and academic performance at school;
he can become evil, negative qualities of character develop in him - he becomes prone to deceit, conflicts (may even turn parents against each other);
he begins to hate that parent who decided to leave the family, however, he splashes out the aggression accumulated in his soul both on the parent with whom he lives and on other people with whom he communicates.

Child aged 11-13:

offended by both parents, considers them traitors, therefore he often finds support for himself in a circle of friends
in the school team, he becomes embarrassed, because it begins to seem that his peers are laughing at him
he is prone to depression, which negatively affects his development and health
begins to selfishly treat both parents, forcing them to "buy" his love with various gifts

Teenager aged 13-18:

adequately respond to what is happening in the relationship between parents;
boys may hate their father if he initiated the divorce, and girls may begin to be critical of their mother, looking for excuses for dad why he decided to leave for another woman.

In any case, divorce is a real test for children. However, parents still need to try to explain to their child why they can no longer live together. In no case should you pretend, live together for the sake of the child, because he will feel everything anyway, and when you decide to confess, he will hate you for lying and insincerity. Keep in mind that he may consider this behavior normal and will behave in exactly the same way when he builds his own family.

How to explain the divorce of parents to a child?

Parents who decide to divorce present everything correctly to the child so that he understands the essence of what is happening and at the same time understands that both mom and dad still love him.

We will list a few useful tips psychologists for parents who are getting divorced. Perhaps they will help you protect your child from the emotional turmoil that divorce often leads to. So, how to behave if you are going to get a divorce:

For a child from 0 to 1.5 years:

do not scandal with the baby so that he is not afraid of loud sounds;
take the baby to grandparents so that for some time he is in the circle of people who will ensure his comfortable development;
create an environment for your child so that he is surrounded by his favorite toys, doing something that he likes.

Important! As a rule, children who stay with their mother at such an early age do not understand where their father goes if there is another man who takes care of him next to him. It can be either mom's new boyfriend, or her own grandfather or uncle, or godfather.

For a teenager from 13 to 18 years old:

it is imperative to talk with the child on the topic of divorce, so that he clearly understands what awaits him now;
do not limit him in communicating with a parent who left the family - he should at any time when he wants to see and communicate with mom or dad who live separately;
help your child find a field of activity in which he could fully realize himself and achieve success - this is very important for the development of his self-esteem and personal growth.

Patchwork families: how to live a child?

A patchwork family is a family in which a child is forced to live with only one of the parents all the time, and only occasionally see the other. This is a very difficult situation in which the baby has a hard time, especially if the parent with whom he lives regularly says nasty things about the other parent in the presence of the crumbs.

In patchwork families divorced parents need to clearly understand that they have equal rights on raising a child - everyone can take the initiative, what a child should do in life, and what not, but only after agreeing on this. Of course, you will have to solve a lot of legal issues in order, for example, to take the baby to rest only in the presence of one of the parents. Need to get in case of divorce, the second parent has permission to leave the child from the country in the presence of a notary.

Shouldn't be converted educational process in “pulling the blanket”, who did more for the development of the baby. remember, that When the parents divorce, the child also has rights He can decide for himself what he wants and what he doesn't. And to put pressure on him in such a family situation is simply wrong from a moral point of view.

Mistakes of parents in divorce in relation to children

There are 7 main mistakes that are made by divorced parents when they are together in the presence of children. We included among them:

Constant loud quarrels for any reason regarding the upbringing of the child.
Setting up next of kin against a parent who left the family. A child should not hear that his relatives do not love, for example, a dad who decided to live with another woman. In his mind, everything should be as before.
Parents should not dramatize the divorce that has occurred. For everyone, this event should mean that life will change for the better from now on. Do not cry in front of a child, do not become depressed, because these conditions will negatively affect his psyche.
Divorced mom and dad begin to show pity for the child, believing that he is a victim of the circumstances. In fact, it is, but you should not show it to a child. He should feel like a part of the family and a participant in the event.

Divorced parents begin to set the baby against each other. This cannot be done, especially when solving the issue with whom the child wants to stay after the divorce of parents. You should do everything possible to make the baby think that the fact that mom and dad are no longer living together does not mean that they do not respect each other.
If another “parent” appears in the family in which the child lives, he may react inadequately to this. He begins to compare out loud who is more beautiful, who is stronger, who has more money. The task of the parent with whom the child lives is not to scold him for this and not to punish him, because his words are only a defensive reaction. You just need to get through this moment.
IN new family, in which the birth of a child is planned, it may happen that the baby who happened to survive the divorce of his parents is not given due attention. Because of this, it begins to seem to him that they don’t love him now, no one needs him anymore. This is a real tragedy for the child, which in no case should be allowed.

Of course, we wish all our readers that no negative situations arise in your families. But, if your family has a divorce, do everything possible so that the child does not suffer from this. It is certainly difficult and not easy, but if you want the baby to be emotionally and physically healthy, you will have to go to great feats.