Our children are our joy. So I want every day to be happiness and discovery for the child. But here we notice some shyness, and then severe shyness - the child runs away when guests arrive, lowers his head low when you just need to say hello, is afraid that he will be called to the board or instructed to speak from the stage at the matinee. And we understand that the child is shy of other children, adults, in general, all strangers. What to do about this problem? How to help him overcome shyness, how to teach a child not to be shy?

● Why is the child shy? What is the cause of excessive shyness? Where does shyness come from at an early and school age?
● What to do about shyness? How to teach a child not to be shy?
● Is it possible to overcome the child's shyness and how to do it?

It's so good when a child is not shy. What a kid the neighbors have: from a very early age, only guests in the house, he already climbs into a chair and reads poetry or sings songs. There is no shyness at all. And on the street - all the children greet, smile, talk. Yes, and at school - he learned a lesson or not very much, and the child goes to the blackboard, tells him nothing at all, that it can be funny and clumsy somewhere.

And here is such grief: our smart kid, so curious, knows long rhymes by heart, but so complicated that the neighbor never dreamed of. He is so handsome that he can perform on stage easily. But guests come, and the child begins to be shy, hides in the farthest corner, afraid to go out and just say hello, not to mention telling a rhyme. Further more, when moving to school, the constraint not only does not go away, but intensifies.

And most importantly, there is no way to get him out of this state. The child is embarrassed to tears and no persuasion, pushing, even threats or punishments help him. He hides behind his mother's skirt or under the table, does not want to leave his room, is frowningly silent and lowers his eyes to the floor. When did it start? Did the child begin to be shy at 3-4 years old or already at school? In fact, age is not important, in childhood any problem can be removed, you just need to know HOW.

Why is the child shy? - the answer should be sought in the visual vector

In order to understand the root causes of childhood shyness, you need to know at least a little psychology. All our desires are innate and given by nature. System-vector psychology divides them into vectors. One of the vectors - the visual one - has a whole set of desires, which are expressed in certain features, it is very easy to recognize them at a very young age.

And emotional openness, as well as shyness - these are just two manifestations that lie at the roots of the visual vector.

Fear is something the viewer can swing on, magnifying it. When, in response to emotional openness, the visual child hears laughter, name-calling, they beat him, instead of an emotional connection, fear arises in him. The child begins to sway not on empathy, which would be good for him, but on fear, as a result of which fear increases significantly. This is the child's shyness - the fear of showing oneself, opening up to the world, loving and being loved.

And so it turns out that children with a visual vector, the most potentially educable, the most quick-witted, the kindest and smartest by nature, become closed sociophobes. Having received a blow, having experienced fear, the viewer stops opening, but only closes even more.

From the outside, it seems that most children are not shy. Actually it is not. Most children simply do not have a visual vector - they have neither fear nor emotional openness. So, they simply manifest their desires outwardly in the way they want.

If a child is shy in a kindergarten or school, this is a signal that somewhere there was a visual vector injury - the child closed in on the fear of showing himself. There can be many reasons: in response to openness and emotionality, someone laughed at him, said a rude word, joked, called him names. As a rule, everything comes from other children - "kind" peers will always find something to cling to. The child does not pronounce "r" or lisp, he will be mimicked. The child fell and got dirty, now he will constantly be shouted that he is "crooked". The child is overweight and gets the nickname "fat trust". In general, external beauty is very important for the viewer, and if he is bullied, they say that he does not open his mouth beautifully when he speaks or eats, that he has an ugly expression on his face when he recites poetry, then this puts him in a state of fear of showing himself further , open up.

Not only peers can introduce a visual child into a state of shyness. It can also be from siblings, from teenagers, from adults, even from your own parents. “Oh, well, you are a clown with us, Sasha, when you fall, you can laugh”, “A-ha-ha, look at your daughter, how she dances, not a single cow can be compared”, etc. - when we laugh at the cute attempts of a child to express himself, we often do not even notice that we ourselves hang a stone of shyness around his neck.

When I was very little, they gave me a gramophone. In my childhood there were no computers and music centers with CDs, and the gramophone was a real treasure. Every week my mother bought me a new record with fairy tales and poems, which then came out, as magazines do now. Not knowing how to read yet, I enthusiastically listened to other people's voices many times, scrolling through the record again and again. And my ability opened up - literally in a few days I knew the whole text by heart, moreover, I repeated it with the intonations of the actors, imitating them. Of course, it probably turned out quite simply, but my parents were literally shocked by my talent, they could not believe that I could do that. And I happily told my parents in the kitchen what I had learned. One day, my mother, while walking with me, asked me to tell a record for a friend of her aunt, who was also walking with her children. I began to tell, but my aunt’s eldest son began to laugh at me: “Che, che, I didn’t understand anything! Ha ha! Mom, why doesn’t she say the letter “r”? - he shouted all over the street. Aunt supported her child , said that I had no talent, and it would be better if they took me to a speech therapist, instead of showing strangers to people. They laughed at me, and I did not continue to tell. And then constant trips to speech therapists began - my mother took me to doctors who only said that the girl had a big problem.

"R" I learned to pronounce only in the 7th grade, but until the end of the 11th grade, my classmates "poisoned" me with my lisp. Today I understand that this was a big injury to my visual vector.

Severe trauma to the visual vector in a child can come from interacting with a person with an oral vector. It is oralists who come up with and "glue" offensive nicknames, which then accompany the child to the end of the kindergarten or school, they laugh and their laughter is very contagious, the rest of the children repeat it, and now the whole crowd is laughing at the baby. And often the oralists choose the spectators as their victims. This is how nature works, and it is necessary to deal with the consequences of such an influence of the oralist on the spectator not by censuring the oralist, but development, formation of the visual vector of your child.

And then the rule works - what you are afraid of will certainly happen. The more they call "crooked", the more you fall, the more they laugh, and so on in a circle. The situation is terrible, but what if the child is shy and it only intensifies. There is only one answer - sound the alarm! But, attention (!) This does not mean that it is necessary to run to school and protect the visual baby from ridicule. This most likely will not give anything, but will only aggravate the situation - they will laugh at him even more. It is necessary to act differently - through the visual vector and its innate desires.

Normally, visual fear, as the child grows up, should be transformed into the opposite property, pushed outward - turn into kindness, compassion, the ability to sympathize. Sincere openness gradually turns into empathy, a subtle feeling of the emotions of another person. Only developed visual people can be talented actors, excellent writers, excellent doctors. Moreover, it is communication with other people, love - this is real happiness, joy for the viewer, the highest content of his vector.

And if the child is shy, a signal goes to the parents - the visual vector does not develop, and may not enter these states before puberty, but remain in fear, which means that, having matured, the viewer will experience fears, suffer from shyness, will not be able to normally contact with others.

The task of the parents of a visual child is to help him overcome fears, become emotionally open. And then the shyness of the child will go away by itself. How to do it? Only not with a violent "wedge wedge" - you are afraid to go on stage, we will pull you out. If you are afraid to go to the blackboard and answer in class, we will ask the teacher to call you more often. If you are afraid to communicate with your peers, we will ask them to come to visit every evening. This will not give anything, but will only increase the fears of the child even more.

Visual fears do not go away when they are overcome by force. So they only intensify, driving more and more into the person, into the heart. You can get rid of fear only by pushing it out - transforming it from fear for yourself into fear "for others", that is, into compassion.

It is also not necessary to focus the attention of the child on his shyness, to beg not to be afraid of adults and children. It is necessary to gradually show him that there are many others around him who need his sympathy, fear for them. Carefully guide him through all the stages of development of the visual vector: from plants to animals, from animals to people (read a small example of how to do this. Show your child that others are hurt too, and only he, with his kindness, can help them. Fear for yourself and fear for another are incompatible things in one visual person.Having learned to be afraid for others, to sympathize, he will never be able to sway on fear for himself, which means that he is not threatened by shyness, or psychosomatic illnesses, or social phobia.

Attention! This article is for informational purposes, it is impossible to accurately determine the vector set of the child on its basis. If you have a desire to truly understand your child, you must complete a full course of training in system-vector thinking. Sign up for introductory, free lectures.

Thousands of people have already been trained on systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. They improved relations with loved ones, passed negative states, completely changed educational process children.

At home, your baby seems to never stop talking and accompanies all his actions with chatter. But as soon as he finds himself in a new environment, for example, on a playground where there are a lot of unfamiliar children, he turns into the most shy child in the world, hides behind your legs and refuses to come out.

Many parents think that it is not so bad to have a shy child. A little shyness is unlikely to interfere with the child, but in a more pronounced version, it negatively affects his desire, narrows the social circle, and can even have a bad effect on academic performance in elementary school.

Bernardo Carducci, a physician and author of books on shyness, says some people turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with their shyness. There is another frightening consequence of "untreated" stiffness - such children become easy prey for hooligans among their peers.

How to distinguish ordinary caution from painful isolation at an early age?

How to distinguish healthy shyness from unhealthy?

Shyness is a mental state caused by self-doubt or lack of social skills. But at the same time, timidity is a natural stage of development: it is a method of adapting to new situations.

In childhood, each person experiences two phases of fear of strangers: the first - at six months and the second - from two to four years. These processes are connected with the recognition and differentiation of oneself, people and the rest of the world.

But there are times when shyness becomes a problem. Such children, according to doctors, have other behavioral problems. And if you watch them, you will also become noticeable - frequent neighbors of shyness.

If you notice that your child is showing signs of unhealthy shyness, Parent Me recommends taking some time for this. Here are seven tips on how to do this.

1. Prepare your child for the conversation

Let's consider a situation in which you suddenly meet an old friend in the store who has not yet met your baby. And in response to questions, the child is silent and looks at the floor.

How to help a child in such a situation? Before introducing them, talk to a friend for a while. Let the baby see that you are comfortable with this person. This will calm him down and he will be ready to speak. But if the child refuses, do not insist, after the store ask why he was uncomfortable.

Practice the dialogues. Together with your child, make a list of expressions that the baby can use in conversation with peers, caregivers or teachers, your friends, family members. Then rehearse the dialogues: switch roles until the child feels confident and begins to communicate independently and freely with you.

Another embarrassing situation can happen on playground. You go there one day and you don't see a single familiar face. And your baby is shy about making friends with other guys.

What can you do in such a situation? Encourage your child to help other children with their play, such as offering them a toy. Also, a few compliments made by you towards the guys can help to loosen up.

3. Prepare your child in advance for noisy holidays

Before holidays or other noisy events in kindergarten or at home, tell the child what will happen at the holiday, who is invited, what they will do.

Phillip Zimbardo, a well-known psychologist who studies childhood shyness, in his recent book recommends that parents of shy kids find friends for them. younger age. This helps children to liberate themselves, because communication with a younger child makes them feel leadership and responsibility, which is so necessary for timid children. After that, the child will be able to communicate more confidently with peers.

4. Watch yourself

A common cause of children's shyness lies in the behavior of parents: criticism, public shaming, excessive control of every step of the child. At the same time, such behavior is not balanced by manifestations and praises.

Observe yourself and think about how you can change the way you treat your child to help him open up.

5. Don't give conflicting commands

When the baby simultaneously hears “leave me alone,” “where did you go,” “don’t get involved,” “come to me,” and the like, he does not understand what he needs to do to make mom and dad happy, and withdraws into himself.

6. Don't discuss your child's behavior with other people.

Do not focus on the shyness of the child. Do not discuss the child with relatives and friends in his presence. Show sympathy for his problems, do not ignore his fears.

7. Give your child "everyday" tasks

Be sure to help your toddler deal with shyness by going about his daily activities: let him answer the phone, order his own food at a restaurant, and pay at the store.

8. Teach your child to thank

Teach your baby to thank and say "please" - this is an old and proven way of teaching communication.

Don't worry too much: most children go through a "shy" period by the age of seven, especially if they see how relaxed their parents are in the company. Make sure your children see you as a socially successful person, and try to live up to that example as much as possible.

Alexandra Kozlova

Greetings, dear readers! Often the parents of a shy child 2 — 5 years do not see this as a big problem. Still would! Modest shy child– it's comfortable. His tomboy peers rush about like crazy, stuff bumps, pull the tails of unfamiliar dogs, and in all sorts of other ways keep moms and dads in good shape. And the parents of a modest girl on a walk can relax and meditate on the clouds floating in the sky. They know for sure that their child, clinging to the parental leg with both hands, will not go anywhere. Even if other children call him to play, the shy kid will prefer to stay under the cozy wing of a relative.

Other mothers on the playground, taking off their tomboys from the highest hill or digging out of the bowels of the sandbox, look enviously at the calmly sitting baby. There's just nothing to envy here."Comfortable" the baby is really suffering from her shyness . The baby would also be happy to run with other children, but that's just not daring to approach them.

Shyness - a norm or a pathology?

Slight shyness - an absolutely healthy phenomenon during the adaptation of a person to a new situation for her. And it doesn't matter how old this person is- 3 years, 6 years or 11.

Shyness at the first contact with a stranger or a team is quite natural. We, too, can feel a little stiff when talking to strangers. But if there are no problems with communication, the feeling of embarrassment disappears in just a few minutes.

Shyness not harmful in small doses. Surely you have seen how children, having just met, cling to their parents and are reluctant to make contact. But after half an hour– these are friends, not spilling water, chatting about everything in the world and inventing interesting games on the go.

Quite a different thing– painful closure. If a daughter or son suffers from pathological shyness, parents may notice how the child literally loses the gift of speech when strangers turn to him, trembles, blushes or turns pale, and even perspires. Such a kid is shy not only of strangers, but also of those people he meets every day.

Parents of a shy child are familiar with when a sobbing child has to be literally torn off from oneself and forcibly stuffed into a group. Every day they hear complaints that their son or daughter is silent in class and does not even complete elementary tasks. And at matinees, while other parents burst with pride, moms and dads of the shy baby blush. After all, their baby is afraid of panic public speaking, stutters and barely audibly hums a rhyme that he recited perfectly at home.

Do not wait until natural timidity takes on pathological forms. If you notice the first signs of unhealthy shyness in your child, immediately begin to fight it. Parents need to know how to overcome shyness in a child they are quite capable of dealing with this problem on their own. And an article on how to help a son or daughter , will be a good help in this.

How does shyness affect a child's life and future?

Painful timidity entails many problems. We list only the most common.

Lack of communication with all the ensuing consequences

No matter how hard the parents try to compensate the child for the lack of friends, nothing can replace his communication with peers. And if communication skills do not develop from childhood, then in the future, instead of a cute shy kid, you will see a teenager suffering from a whole bunch of complexes.

Psychologists working with difficult children, know that many teenagers start using alcohol and drugs only because under their influence they are liberated and can communicate with peers on an equal footing.

Yes, and you, for sure, are familiar with cases when a quiet, calm teenager, from whom his parents blew dust particles, suddenly changed dramatically. Just yesterday he schools hurried home and spent all the evenings at home. And today, his dad and mom wipe their tears and complain that their beloved child is in bad company, swears and even comes home drunk. It is especially frightening if .

Burying talents in the ground

A shy child can be very capable. But shyness does not allow him to show his talents in public. That is why timid children, no matter how artistic abilities they have, never solo at matinees. They become more comfortable« third violin» and get lost in the crowd than be the center of attention.

Low academic performance

Even if the student knows the lesson by heart, at the blackboard he cannot clearly answer the teacher's question. The child will stutter, stutter, confuse words, covered with a crimson blush under the laughter of the class. The next time, he would rather say that he did not learn his lesson and get a deuce than to relive the shame in front of his classmates.

Outcast in the team

Remember golden school years. Many in the class had a downtrodden quiet guy, over whom hooligan classmates quietly teased or even openly mocked. The one who has become the object of ridicule is in a state of constant stress. Studying for him becomes a real torture.

It is not surprising that such children are looking for any excuse to stay at home or begin to play truant. school . If something like this happened to you, learn how to get out of a situation where .

Difficulties in adulthood

Alas, the problems of a shy child do not dissipate over the years, but only get worse. An adult who suffers from shyness often fails to get a good job because he becomes shy in interviews. interferes with building relationships, showing feelings for the person you like and often becomes the cause of loneliness.

Agree, the prospects are quite unenviable. And if so, in no case do not let the situation take its course in the hope that"shyness outgrows" and shyness will dissolve on its own. Only your daily support will help the baby overcome shyness and live life to the fullest.

What not to do

Before you know how help child to defeat shyness, I will talk about what you should never do in order not to aggravate the situation.

Do not enroll your child in circles and sections

Exception - if he asks you to. But you don’t need to drag your child to dances or karate against his will. Parents are guided by good intentions. They think that in this way the child will communicate more with peers, reveal talents and cease to be shy.

And it turns out the opposite. Children, who already find it difficult to contact others, are squeezed even more. In the classroom, it seems to the child that everyone is looking at him and laughing if something does not work out. There can be no question of any increase in self-esteem in such an environment.

Stop shaming him or, conversely, justify

Even if, when strangers appear, the child hides behind your back, do not focus on this. Accept his behavior as normal. If you start tearing it off your leg and forcing« say hello to uncle» , the child will survive severe stress. Also, do not justify the behavior of the baby, explaining to others what you have. shy coward. The child will remember your words and perceive it as an installation.

Do not create critical situations

Some believe that if the child stays with strangers more often, he will have to communicate with them and he will stop being shy. Do not listen to such advice . If you leave a child in the care of strangers and leave, he will take it as a tragedy. He is unlikely to become more sociable after such a diversion, but his you can noticeably decrease.

How to beat shyness

Encourage communication with others

Do not require your child to make small talk. It is enough that he greets at the meeting, says"thank you" or "please" . When this stage is completed, proceed to the simplest dialogues. And it does not matter that the baby will first answer questions in monosyllables - he is not silent, and this is already a victory.

Make up stories

Surely the child has a favorite plush bunny. Make him the hero of your stories and every day tell your baby how the shy hare got into different situations and learned overcome timidity. Invite the child to come up with how the hero acted in certain conditions.

Wake up emotions

Shy children often hold back their emotions. Your task is to teach the child to show them and not be ashamed. With the smallest, you can just make faces - laughter and good mood are provided to you.

With older children, you can play games where, with the help of gestures and facial expressions, you need to explain a word or action to other players. If the child is shy, you start. Carried away by guessing, soon he himself will want to guess something for you.

invite guests

Naturally, this should not be a noisy company in which it is very easy to get lost. Call friends with the baby for tea. It is desirable that the guest be about the same age as your offspring - so they will quickly find common ground.

Help your child find friends

Are you going to the playground? Take more toys with you. So you will interest other children and they will come to you to meet and play. If communication is not going well for children, do not sit on a bench with an indifferent look. Start a game with your child that other children can join in.

Stop trying to control your child

Shy children often fall under the influence of children with leadership qualities. Therefore, no matter how pleased you are with the fact that your beloved child finally has a friend, take a closer look at him before encouraging friendship. If you notice that a son or daughter listens to an imperious comrade in everything, tactfully limit their communication. Your child needs a reliable friend, not someone who will push them around like a slave.

Boost your child's self-esteem

This does not mean that you will ignore negative manifestations and sing praises around the clock. However, every striving for independence should be an occasion for praise.

Bad deeds should be discussed in a constructive way. Do not yell at the baby and do not punish him. Find out why he did what he did, and discuss how you should behave in a similar situation next time.

Read specialized literature

A lot of useful advice you will find in the book of a practicing psychologist Philip Zimbardo . His book « shy child» – a real treasure trove for parents of shy children. Taking advantage advice, you will help the child to be liberated , to feel self-confidence and begin to communicate on equal terms with peers.

Another find for parents will be a book by a domestic psychologist Shishova . This is a great guide to help overcome childish shyness. Exercises and games from the book « Disenchant the Invisible» Designed for children from 5 to 14 years old. With their help, you can emotionally develop the child, reduce anxiety and help overcome shyness.

Contact a psychologist

If you see that you can’t cope on your own, visit a psychologist. There is nothing to be ashamed of. The specialist will talk with the child and choose the best option for correcting behavior. Some children are suitable for group trainings, while others need individual work with a psychologist.

As you can see, it is not so difficult to overcome shyness and help a child to be liberated. Work on it daily, praise your son or daughter for every achievement, and very soon you will see significant results. Or maybe you have already managed to overcome the shyness of your child? Be sure to share your experience in the comments!

Shyness can be defined as a person's tendency to feel awkward and stiff, fearful and indecisive in the presence of other people. It begins to form in preschool age. Shyness, like any quality, has degrees of manifestation. It is useful, because it helps us to comply with the "framework", to control ourselves. Children are also shy to varying degrees: one - only at the first contact, the other - only with adults, and the third - if you need to speak in front of the "public". But total manifestations of shyness are already a serious hindrance.

It will be impossible to help a child without understanding the causes of shyness. What determines whether a child becomes shy or not?

Reasons for shyness

The first premise of shyness, internal, is temperament, innate properties of work nervous system, unchanging, like skin color or nose shape. Scientific evidence has now been obtained [Craig G., Bokum D. Developmental Psychology.] that shyness has physiological prerequisites. More susceptible to the development of shyness are melancholics - representatives of the "weak" type of temperament, which is characterized by unbalanced reactions, a tendency to "get stuck" on negative experiences. The second in the “risk group” is a phlegmatic, balanced, strong temperament, but inactive in speed mental processes. The experience of failure is experienced longer and stronger. But sanguine and choleric people are less likely to be shy.

The second premise of shyness, external, is the style in which the child is brought up. In other words, how parents communicate with him, as well as the example that they set for him by communicating with others. It is in this communication that the child gets the experience of failure, his self-esteem and sense of his own importance for others decrease.

No less important is the experience that he gets - not only in the family, but also in the social world. For a sensitive child who is intrinsically predisposed to shyness, even a few episodes of unsuccessful communication may be enough to reinforce the position of "I'd rather be out of the way."

Shyness in children

Shy children are distinguished by increased sensitivity to the assessment of others. Really, have you heard this somewhere? Yes, yes, the same as with aggressiveness and resentment! And again, in general: in this case, there is a big gap between how the child evaluates himself, and how, in his opinion, others evaluate him. Shy children have quite high self-esteem (and not at all underestimated, as is commonly believed). But at the same time, they lack social courage, and they are afraid to show themselves inept or get into a situation where they will look stupid. It seems to them that others constantly evaluate them, but at the same time they want to keep their personal space intact.

The important thing is that shyness is a certain defensive reaction. From this point of view, its role is quite positive: it does not allow “overload” to occur, closing the “valve” in time. The result is that the child refuses to communicate, which is more expensive for him than the avoidance reaction.

Mini Quiz: How Shy Is Your Child?

Read the statements and answer: "true" or "false". If it happens in different ways, then choose the option that appears more often.

1. In a situation of communication with a stranger, the child clearly experiences tension, timidity, external uncertainty.
2. In a situation where attention is focused on him, he tries with all his might to switch it from himself to something else, to go into the shadows.
3. You can say about him - "you can't pull out a word." He can be an interested listener, but if you need to say something, he is silent.
4. In communication, the child rarely looks into the eyes, more often his gaze rests on the floor.
5. You can say about him “non-independent”, “indecisive”, “not self-confident”.
6. He does not make contact on his own initiative and leaves the contact if someone else has shown the initiative.
7. He is so excited that external signs are visible: he sweats, blushes, trembles, stoops, movements and postures are constrained.
8. Public speaking (even answers in class) is especially difficult for a child.
9. The child's shyness is manifested even in games with peers, especially if his role is noticeable.
10. It is especially difficult for a child to express his feelings and desires (or even talk about them).

The more times you agreed with the statements above, the more likely the child has a shyness problem. You can help!

How can you help your child overcome shyness?

Shyness is a quality that can be worked on. With age, shy people become less and less, and the manifestations of shyness themselves are softer and less common. Although, of course, they do not go away completely.

But there is potential in shyness too! These people have a small but very strong social circle. They appreciate every person in it, and for them, in fact, “friendship is a round-the-clock concept.” Having entered into marriage, they are faithful to their partner, they try to maintain and protect their marriage. And at work, they are loyal to their organization, establishing its “backbone”.

Thus, what could interfere with communication becomes just its basis! But only if strong manifestations of shyness are overcome. And in this you are quite able to help.

1. Don't label. Don't rush to say "he's shy," especially in front of a child. He will get used to thinking about himself that way, and changing the situation will not be easy!

2. Positive self-image and sense of worth. The child must be sure that is very important to you. Ask for his opinion, consult, listen carefully to the reasoning.

3. Don't brush aside small achievements- a drawing or craft that he brought you to show, stories from life in the garden and school, where he felt like a winner.

4. Maintain his self-respect. Respect for parents is the basis of a child's self-respect. Treat him carefully and with respect to himself and his desires, needs, feelings.

5. Learn to “Respond” to Grievances. Shyness is supported by the oppression of accumulated grievances. If you teach a child not to keep them inside, a lot will change. He needs to know that you will always be ready to listen to him. And you can draw a grudge, fashion it, shout it into a pillow.

6. Teach him to cooperate with others. Shy people are not capable of cooperation, but only of sticking. From a very young age, teach your child to negotiate with others, to find common solutions, and not to avoid communication.

7. Praise more, criticize less. The foundation of strong self-esteem is built through positive reinforcement. Praise more by celebrating the smallest accomplishments. Praise for action, for activity. But criticize carefully and do not forget to rely on his strengths.

8. Encourage Activity. Allow your child to act independently and make decisions. You can then discuss whether his strategy was successful. But let him have an experience, albeit a negative one. Form a calm attitude towards mistakes: they learn from them and no one is immune from them.

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Child shyness is a deeper problem than many parents realize. Tightness, tension and depression are her frequent companions. It is difficult for such a child to communicate with children, and in the future avoiding communication may result in the inability to build relationships with people. Therefore, to deal with the shyness of the baby, you need to start immediately, and for this, parents will need a special tactful approach.

There are plenty of reasons why a child is shy.

Shyness may be associated with a child's special susceptibility to criticism, with his vulnerability and propensity for deep feelings.

Also, the starting point can be a single stressful situation or fear of it (for example, fear of speaking in front of the public), non-recognition of the child in the team.

Often shyness is caused by an unfavorable emotional climate in the family, which suppresses the child: excessive control, constant criticism, a ban on expressing one's emotions. Parents can also add fuel to the fire by emphasizing that their child is constantly shy. Looking for ways to overcome shyness in a child, it is necessary to eradicate its causes and help the growing personality to be liberated. Let's look at ways to do this.

You will need:

Talk heart to heart

Every child wants to speak frankly with their parents.

When a father or mother tells stories from their lives, how they went through certain difficulties, the child’s faith in himself is strengthened.

Tell your child how you were able to cope with awkwardness and tightness (for sure, at least once in a life, any person has similar situations).

The child should feel your support - say that you understand his fear and insecurity, unwillingness to go somewhere and communicate with someone, that you yourself sometimes feel something similar.

With your conversations, you should also motivate the baby to communicate. Show all the benefits of communication. For example, say that if a child gets over his shyness and talks to the children on the playground, he will be able to make new friends.

The second direction of a frank conversation is to try to talk to the child himself.

Encourage him more often to talk about his affairs, to share emotions.

If a child reveals his inner world, talks about his feelings at home, then this will help him to liberate himself outside of it.

Don't label

Forget that your child is very shy and do not remind him of this - without this, shyness will most likely not be overcome, no matter how comfortable the home environment is.

Do not call your child a quiet, shy child and ask your relatives and friends not to speak of him in this way.

And in general, avoid talking about this “slippery” topic - you are not required to report to others why your child is “afraid of people” or does not want to talk to someone. By doing this, you fix certain attitudes in his behavior.

Use role play

Role-playing games are an excellent tool for training missing qualities and skills. In working with a shy child, they are also appropriate. Encourage your toddler to use his toys, which supposedly need help to cope with shyness. Let your child feel confident and demonstrate the standard of desired behavior to a bunny or a bear.

Fantasize more and act out situations that may scare or embarrass the child in real life.

With older children, you can rehearse answers at the blackboard or expressive reading verse.

Also, unobtrusively prompt the child with what phrases it is easier to start and end a conversation. Rehearse the dialogues until the child learns to use them freely in different communication situations. If the child is experiencing excessive shyness and awkwardness, you can start these exercises with telephone conversations.

Encourage your child

Pointing out shyness, blaming a child for it is a step to nowhere. This will only exacerbate the problem. But encouragement is just a magic tool in this situation. If the child managed to step over his shyness, be sure to praise him, because even the slightest step is worth a lot of effort for him.

To increase motivation, stipulate a system of rewards and rewards that the child will receive for each victory. It can be going to the movies, cooking your baby's favorite dish, etc.

Set affordable goals for your child and motivate him to achieve them by assigning a certain reward to each of them in advance.

Don't rush to communicate

The features of a shy child are such that he needs time to get used to new acquaintances, to the situation on the playground. Such children observe for a long time from the side before joining in communication. If you rush such a child and try to forcibly bring him closer to other children, then this will push him away from collective games and interaction with others for a long time.

Let the baby "probe" the situation, take a closer look at each child. It is possible that in a few days he will easily make contact.

You will immediately notice that he is ready for this: he will try to be closer to the children, try to play the same games as them.

Communication with the younger

He feels his psychological superiority and can perfectly reveal himself in joint games, taking on the leading role.

If there are small children among your acquaintances, you can invite your teenage child to babysit them, teach them some interesting game thus making you feel like a mentor. As a rule, shy guys and girls are happy to agree to such proposals, because they allow them to open up completely, which does not happen in the company of their peers.

Less demanding and guardianship

Excessive control and guardianship - clearly not best tactic in raising children.

If you are thinking about how to help a shy child, give him freedom of action, emotions and thoughts.

The tightness that is nurtured in a child at home easily transfers to his life outside his native walls. From early childhood, give the baby the opportunity to make his own choice, solve problem situations, defend his own point of view, so that his self-esteem in any circumstances is consistently high (but not overpriced!). Courage, and readiness to overcome obstacles, and self-confidence, and comfort in any living conditions will come from here.

Another pedagogical trouble is the collapse of criticism of the child and high demands. This is a sure path to insecurity and self-abasement.

Emphasize your child's successes and turn a blind eye to his failures.

Unfortunately, many parents do the opposite, believing that their child will strive for more. This is the deepest delusion. Small child very soon he will be exhausted and will no longer strive anywhere, sighing doomedly and drawing conclusions about his insignificance.

Monitor your child's potential friends

Keep track of who your son or daughter befriends. Often completely opposite personalities are “glued” to shy and timid children, suppressing them in a psychological sense. This unequal friendship is more like slavery: shy child becomes addicted to these guys. To avoid such situations, parents should control their children's friends.