A 2-year-old child is aggressive and constantly fights. Is the child fighting with the parents? Tips for raising a fighter. Wrong reactions of parents to a child's fight

What to do if a child at 3 years old constantly fights and bites? Beating mom and dad, kids on the playground? Despite the fact that children at this age can show aggression, teaching them how to properly communicate with others should begin immediately. Let's try to figure out why children at the age of three can fight, and what parents should do about it.

A three-year-old child does not yet understand the limits of his own freedom, but he is well aware that there are ways to make others fulfill his desires. Why are the kids fighting? Let's talk about it.

3 year old child fighting with children

The way a three-year-old child beats other children can be observed quite often. Especially in kindergarten or at playground. Usually in this way children demonstrate their own strength or attract attention. In both cases, we can say that the child has chosen the wrong way to adapt in society. He resorts to his strength for any trifles.

3 year old child hitting mother

Why does a child at 3 years old beat his mother and fight with his parents? This phenomenon also occurs frequently. To understand why this happens, it is necessary to follow the onset of attacks of aggression. Often the reason that a 3-year-old child beats parents is a response to any punishment, including physical ones. In addition, a three-year-old child fights with mom and dad because he perceives it as a game. He likes that the blow is followed by resentment, and then the long-awaited reconciliation and kisses with hugs. That is, the kid is attracted by the process itself, and he starts to fight again and again. Therefore, his attempts to strike must be stopped immediately, in which case he will begin to think.

Why does a 3 year old fight?

So after all, why does a three-year-old baby show aggression? In general, there are several reasons for this:

Your child is not familiar with other ways of expressing feelings. At such a young age, children sometimes do not have enough words to express their feelings, so they express them in this way.
The child wants something forbidden. At this age, they want to get everything at once and often, if you forbid it, they begin to assert their rights.
The kid needs the help of parents. Sometimes children fight if something doesn't work out for them. They feel annoyed and begin to show aggression precisely because of this.

Why does a 3 year old bite?

Babies usually bite to show their helplessness or fear. For example, if they lose in a fight with a peer. Also, the habit of biting other children and adults may be associated with problems in self-expression or self-control in the baby. That is why it is best to show the child child psychologist so that he can give an accurate answer to your question.

How to wean a child at 3 years old to fight

What to do if a child fights at 3 years old? First of all, parents should be patient, as they will need time and energy to fight pugnacity. No need to show a violent reaction - it will not help. If children fight among themselves, they need to be separated, and then pay attention to the victim.

If a child beats his parents, you need to take him by the hand and move away from him. In no case should you punish and beat the baby.
Also, with manifestations of aggression, you can distract the child with something. A new activity will quickly help him switch.

Also, be sure to talk to your child. Tell him that you are upset by his behavior. Ask why he shows aggression and attacks with his fists. Do not forget that your baby simply does not yet know how to express his emotions in other ways, and your direct task is to teach him.

Every parent can face child aggression directed both at adults and peers. A previously benevolent baby suddenly starts throwing toys, swinging at his mother, biting his sister or beating a neighbor's boy on the playground because of the place in the sandbox. Any obstacle in his way causes anger, the child gets angry, screams and tries to prove his case with his fists. How to act in such a situation? Why does the child fight, how to direct him in a positive direction?

If a child begins to threaten his parents, it is urgent to find out the cause of the behavior and correct the situation.

We remove the panic

So, the adult faced the aggression of the child. For starters, there is no need to panic. Experts say that manifestations of aggression in children are associated with the instinct of self-preservation. The kid fights not because of harm, in this way energy comes out of him. The task of the parent is not to block its flow, but to direct it in a different, more positive direction.

When we begin to get angry in response, to scold a fighting baby, we make several mistakes at once. This:

the flow of energy in children is blocked, his emotions have no way out;
an adult sets an example that anger must be answered with repeated anger.

As a result of the wrong behavior of parents, children learn the lesson that adults are stronger, but those who are weaker can be attacked. Often such children become the instigators of all fights, they fight in kindergarten, school. In Group kindergarten they scratch, pinch guys. Do not be surprised at this - adults have shown such an example to them.

Literally all people are offended, angry. An adult can deal with his emotions, a child can't yet. To experience negative feelings is completely normal for any person, including our children. There is no need to be afraid of feelings, but it will be useful to ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself: “Why did my child experience such a storm of feelings, what is the reason?”, “How to teach him to control anger?”.

There are several motives that encourage the baby to use aggression in resolving a controversial situation or protection. It is worth figuring out which one suits yours, and then taking action.

Anger is a normal human reaction, you can’t forbid a child to experience such emotions.

Understanding the reason

Lots of bans. The kid is bound by prohibitions and cannot naturally satisfy natural cognitive needs. Children cannot tell that it is important for them to be active, so they express their protest in accessible ways - screaming, knocking, violent resistance.
Curiosity. The child fights, throws objects, shouts, calls names to see the reaction of the parents. For example, a peanut at the age of one and a half studies the world and the reactions of adults to their actions in this way.
Jealousy. Children's jealousy of someone can be expressed in fights and aggression towards the "rival". This is how the struggle for the attention of mom, dad or teacher is expressed.
fatigue. In young children, emotional arousal occurs faster than in adults. A large emotional load leads to aggressive discharge, the child has no other way to express his fatigue. His behavior does not mean that he does not obey (we recommend reading:).
Idleness. Out of boredom, a child can seek entertainment for himself, he cannot occupy himself. For example, a two-year-old toddler does not know how to play on his own, he is looking for entertainment.
Family example. Authoritarian behavior in the family is copied by children quickly and on an unconscious level. If it is customary for parents to solve problems in a non-constructive way, then the child develops a strong habit of doing the same. The example of the elders can provoke a fight. “Give him back”, “Hit him back”, “Show him who is stronger” (we recommend reading:). Adults praise for aggression, justify his dubious victories.
The way to be heard. A child under one year old and older cannot explain his feelings in words, his relatives do not understand him. Out of desperation, he rushes to extremes. From the age of five or six, children can be aware of their actions and talk about the reasons for their behavior.
Regression. An abrupt change of scenery brings back an old habit. Adverse circumstances, moving, divorce cause protective circumstances. Some children may begin to bite their nails, suck their fingers, others cope with stress by fighting (we recommend reading:). This is a kind of way to remember the good quiet times.

If a child encounters aggression at home, then it also becomes the basis of his interaction with others.

What should the parents of a fighter do?

When the parents of a fighter child are asked about what they do with their own child after the manifestation of aggression, they often answer in the same way. Usually fighters are put in a corner, punished or scolded.

Psychologists assure that the violent method of struggle helps little and is not constructive. If you decide to punish, then it is forbidden to beat the baby in response. You only strengthen it in the correctness of aggression! When it becomes necessary to scold, it is imperative to say: “I love you very much, but I don’t like this behavior, it upsets me.”

The task of an adult is to explain to the child how to solve the problem. You can hug a child, although it is not easy after a bad deed. You should not be silent and ignored, sometimes the emotional and sincere reaction of a parent is remembered better than cold silence.

Action development

What are the parents of a fighter to do? When Small child fights, then the strategy might be:

The kid should be spared from unnecessary guardianship and incessant prohibitions, instructions. Worth watching for yourself. What actions, words, deeds lead to aggressive behavior child? It is necessary to reconsider the tactics of behavior, then the resistance and anger of the baby will decrease.
It is not recommended to use compromise behavior. If the hooligan act is hushed up, then the kid will believe that he is right and everything is allowed to him. The next time it will be several times more difficult to explain to him why this cannot be done. It pays to be consistent.
An aggressive act must be responded to immediately. When a remark is made, it should be delivered in a low but confident voice. "Stop! Stop immediately”, “I don’t like it if a child fights and calls names”. It is necessary to clearly and clearly indicate the position on this issue.

How to wean a child to fight? Pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky expresses the following opinion: “I have a slightly different attitude to why children show aggression and how to correct such behavior. In some cases, it differs from the advice of psychologists. I believe that the manifestation of a child's aggression towards adults is associated with the manifestation of certain instincts. At the same time, he also has another instinct - the child will yield if he sees that the one against whom he acts physically is stronger. In this case, you should always respond to any physically aggressive act, for example, raising your hand to your mother, with control.

Physical aggression cannot go unpunished. There are many ways to stop violence, often it starts small and then spills over into an adult. Parents have every opportunity to control the behavior of their children. It is they who buy him sweets, turn on cartoons, go for walks and organize social contacts. When it does not behave the way we want, it can be limited. It should be borne in mind that this topic is still psychological, and not pediatric.” The doctor's method can be applied or used in other ways, Komarovsky is still more of a specialist in pediatric practice.

Here is what psychologist Berdnikova Anna advises: “In order to correctly respond to the aggressive act of your child, you need to listen to your feelings. What do I feel? This is important, as our feelings will help us understand what is happening in reality. During an aggressive outbreak, it is worth listening to yourself. What do you feel? Resentment? Anger and the desire to defeat the little villain, to show him who is the first and the main one here?

It is very important for parents to track how their child's behavior causes them to feel.

When resentment is felt, you need to figure out what made the baby cause it to you? What is in his heart? How did you offend him or regularly offend him? When you feel angry, then there is a destructive relationship between you, there is a struggle for power. In this situation, it is important to take the first step towards - to stop fighting for leadership. Only by understanding the reason, you can solve the problem with the fighter.

Measures and prevention

What to do if a child fights in kindergarten, at home, on the playground with neighboring children? Recommendations:

Remove negative emotions. Children take an example from the picture they see and the words they hear. Often the kid is surrounded by cartoons with fights, then he can take an example from his favorite characters. When you see an aggressive act in a cartoon that a baby is watching, you should definitely discuss it. The main conclusion is that evil is punished, only bad heroes fight, swear. Show an example of a good deed, choose a book or film with a constructive solution to the problem.
Until 2-3 years old, a child cannot restrain his emotions, his feelings are expressed in behavior. It is not surprising that babies often snatch toys from each other and cry if they fail to get a new item for them (we recommend reading:). At this age, the child may swing at his mother or tell her "Go away, you're bad." You need to tell your child that you can't do this. The kid is tired, overexcited, sometimes it is very difficult for him to resist aggressive emotions. Hug him, tell him that you understand his offense and want to help.
Use active listening. Express feelings differently. Help your child sort out their feelings. Instead of the phrase: “You are a bad boy, I will punish you now,” you should say: “You are angry with Vanya that he did not give you a scooter.” Surprisingly, spoken feelings can negate an aggressive outburst. It is important for a little man when his feelings are understood.
Don't be afraid to show your displeasure. By the age of 4-5, children understand the feelings of their parents. If the child had a fight, then you can say "I am very upset by the act, I am sad that my son solves problems in this way." When expressing feelings, do not go over to the personality of the child, talk about your feelings.

No need to scream or stoop to childish level. In the most difficult situation, do not forget about your wisdom and experience.
When the game with the baby turns into a fight, refuse it. Say "Stop" or "No" firmly. Do you continue to be harassed? Leave him alone. Tell the baby that the game will continue, but in a calm environment. Focus on exactly why you don't want to play this way.
You can not call names and beat in response to the child. Scold for the act, not him. “Brawler”, “bad”, “bad girl” and other epithets must be deleted from communication with a child in any situation. It is important to voice only the rejection of the act of aggression.
If a tantrum has begun, then you need to insist on your own (we recommend reading:). When you have already said that this is impossible, do not succumb to manipulation. Know how to gently defend your position, you can gradually wean the child to fight.
Do not threaten, call for help "policemen, evil uncles and aunts." Everyone knows the phrase: “Take him away, we don’t need such a bad baby.” This strong psychological trauma for emotional development.
Good deeds and behavior should be celebrated. Praise when a son or daughter shared a toy with a peer, refrained from hitting, one year old baby did not bite his brother or swing at a friend. Reinforce positive behavior!

Sometimes children are victims of fighters, this case should be analyzed separately. Why do peers attack children? Often two different children grow up in a family. It is necessary to take into account the temperament of the kids, the peculiarities of education, lability nervous system. When parents cannot cope with a fighter on their own, it is better to contact a specialist for advice and identify the causes of aggression.

Quarrels and conflicts between children in a family are inevitable, and this is not bad, because brothers and sisters have an excellent opportunity to learn how to interact with another person. The task of parents is to teach children to competently get out of conflict situations.

Causes of conflicts

If quarrels periodically develop into fights, then there are some children's needs that are not fully satisfied. The most common causes of conflict between children include:

jealousy;
attracting the attention of parents;
excessive demands on one of the children;
dominance of one child over another;
obvious rivalry between children;
struggle for the love of parents;
sharing toys;
boredom conflicts.

There are a number practical advice, which will tell parents how to behave during children's fights and conflicts.

Intervene or not?

It is permissible to intervene in a children's conflict only in an extreme situation. If the kids are just arguing, then let them decide for themselves first. controversial situation. You can intervene only if the quarrel does not subside for a long time or the children start to fight.

Be a parent, not a judge. How to stop child fights

When resolving a children's conflict, you should not immediately impose punishments without understanding the situation. It will be much more useful to listen to each child individually, understand his position and point of view, and then make a joint decision. The goal of parents is not just to find the culprit, but to teach children how to resolve conflict, if necessary, apologize and admit their own mistakes.

Energy redirection

If you see that the children are already “grabbing” and fighting several times in one day, then just redirect their energy into a peaceful direction. Organize joint activities, throw ideas for games, take a walk with children on fresh air. During school time, it will not be superfluous to find an interesting sports section for each child, where they can dump their energy, then the evenings in your family will pass peacefully.

Mine is yours

Clearly indicate with the children where whose things are. It is a big mistake to make all the toys in the family shared - this is wrong. Children may have a common designer, books, plasticine, but each child should have his own separate corner or, in extreme cases, a box with toys that will be his own. Teach children to ask permission before they want to take someone else's thing.

Personal time

Be sure to give each child separate time, tell the child how much you love him, hug, kiss. Even 15 minutes of personal time a day will be enough to make every child feel important and needed.

Quarreling is possible!

It would be wrong to decide to put a taboo on quarrels and conflicts between children. It can be indicated that it is forbidden to swear at meals, but you can sort things out with each other. Quarrels do not arise from scratch, there is always some reason. The more parents forbid quarreling, the more children feel the accumulated aggression.

You don't have to love

Children should not be forced to show love to each other, they are not obliged to do this. Parents decided that they would have not one, but several children, mom and dad love all their children, but the feeling of love in children towards each other should not immediately arise. In a normal family, children will sooner or later become close people, will love and support each other in difficult situations. And at this point in life, children have the right to experience irritation or anger towards their brother or sister. Say this to the children, it will become much easier for them to live if mom and dad do not crush with their endless phrases, as children are obliged to love each other.

Forbidden strikes

You cannot prohibit conflicts and fights, but it would be reasonable to identify a number of unacceptable actions. Talk to the children about what actions should not be allowed during conflicts - for example, you should not throw objects at each other, hit on the head and face.

Personal space

For each child in the family, organize a personal space, even if it is a small corner. The child should be able to retire and be alone at any time when he himself wants it.

Every child is an individual

As often as possible, say how each child is unique individually. It is important to note the positive qualities and skills of each child, it is important for children to know that they are unique.

Together you are strength

Reinforce the manifestations of friendship and love for each other in children. Emphasize that together they are great, they did a great job with the task, say that together you are strong. Come up with more cases and games where children will act not as rivals, but as allies, this will perfectly bring them together.

individual needs

Always consider the needs of each child. It is a mistake to force two children to go to the same sports section or to singing, to dress in the same clothes. Let everyone do what he likes, dress up the way he likes.

Competent schedule

So that children quarrel as little as possible, think over the daily routine, make schedules so that children have the opportunity not only to study at school, but also have time to fully and timely eat, relax and attend circles that are interesting to them. If the children are full, rested and slept, spent energy in classes, walks, then they will have a minimum of reasons for quarrels and conflicts.

Justice Above All

Be fair to your children, if you promised to buy something, then keep your word. Sometimes one child will get more expensive things, and another less expensive. Always explain why this is happening, but in general it is important to strike a balance so that each child does not feel left out.

Pronunciation of emotions

Teach children to voice their emotions towards each other. If a child tells his brother or sister that he is now angry with him or offended, this will only be a plus. In the future, he will be able to grow up as a person who not only keeps all emotions in himself, but knows how to decide difficult situations, pronounce troubles and calmly get out of conflicts.

It is important not to suppress children's emotions, but to teach brothers and sisters to interact with each other, then they can grow up successful and happy people. The experience of conflict resolution that children learn in childhood will help them deal with both family problems and difficult situations at work. Such people are better prepared for adulthood.

The question of why the child is fighting begins to worry parents quite early - the first manifestations of aggression on the part of the baby can be observed from the age of six months. The next "wave" of aggression occurs at the age of 1.5-2 years. There are quite objective prerequisites for this, connected with the peculiarities of the development of the psyche of the baby and his upbringing.

Aggressive behavior up to a year

In the first months of life, the child expresses dissatisfaction with the help of screams and facial expressions. A six-month-old baby, in addition, is already able to bite and pinch - this is his way of showing the world his negative feelings. Anger is one of the basic human emotions, due to the peculiarities of the human nervous system. It is important for children to immediately begin to explain (verbally and by actions) that emotions should be expressed in socially acceptable ways.

If a baby under the age of one fights, this means that he unconsciously reacts to the negative emotional background of his mother, with whom he is still closely connected. To exclude aggression on his part, it is important for the mother to deal with her problems, relax more and walk in the fresh air with the baby.

Children's aggression at the age of about 1.5 years

A child who has learned to walk and climb furniture faces many prohibitions, most of which are related to the safety of the baby, who can fall off the arm of the sofa, hit the corner of the furniture while running around the room or drop a heavy flower pot on himself.

Another part of the prohibitions concerns maintaining the order and integrity of things - one-year-old children need vigorous activity, which can be expressed in the fact that they dump the contents of the wardrobe on the floor, tear books, dropping them from the shelf, throwing small objects into the toilet (pencils, coins and etc.).

So that the child does not injure himself and does not cause serious damage to property, almost every step of his is accompanied by a formidable “no” from an adult. The parent shows concern, but the children perceive numerous prohibitions as a threat to their independence, the need for which is growing every day.

As a result, children experience anger, and this emotion pours out in the form of acts of aggression - the child fights with his parents, grandmother or nanny, i.e., with a source of restrictions.

What can help in this case? It is important for parents to limit the number of prohibitions - they should relate to actions that are truly dangerous for children. And try to make the apartment an environment as safe as possible for the baby:

special pads are put on the corners of the furniture;
doors of cabinets and bedside tables, drawers are equipped with latches so that the child cannot open them;
from the lower shelves and other places within reach, all items that the baby can injure or spoil are removed.

This approach does not mean that the child can be safely left to himself - you still have to look after him. But this will help to remove from his life a lot of "unnecessary" prohibitions that provoke discontent and aggression, the baby will noticeably less fight with loved ones.

The origins of childhood aggression around the age of 2 years

Children at the age of 2 clearly show negative emotions, this is due to a whole range of reasons. Their list includes:

Insufficient speech development. If a child at 2 years old cannot verbally express his feelings, he resorts to the simplest method - physical influence.
Lack of self-control and communication skills with other children. Fights between kids over toys are a striking example of this. This is directly related to the lack speech development, because with blows, bites and pinches, children replace verbal communication that is inaccessible to them.
Need for adult help. If the kid does not succeed in what he is trying to do (draw, build from cubes, etc.), he begins to get angry, disappointed and annoyed. He takes all these emotions out on his parents, who did not come to his aid.
Lack of parental attention. The child provokes a fight with other children, having gained practical experience that such actions of his will not go unnoticed. The kid needs emotional contact with his parents in order to feel feedback, even if this contact is negative, it will turn into punishment.
Aggressive behavior of parents, other relatives. Psycho-emotional violence from the side (with or without the use of physical measures) provokes reciprocal aggression from the baby. In addition, such a model of behavior is perceived by him as normal, and the child begins to behave accordingly, communicating with peers.
Watching cartoons and movies where there is a lot of aggressive action. Children begin to copy the behavior of the heroes, not yet distinguishing what is good and what is evil, not understanding someone else's pain.

What should parents do

If a child fights with their parents, they often don't know how to respond properly. The aggressive actions of a baby under a year old are often met with laughter and tenderness. This is wrong - he should immediately see that blows, bites and pinches cause unpleasant emotions in parents. When the baby grows up a little, it is necessary to constantly explain to him what good and evil are, why it is impossible to hurt other people, animals.

If a kid beats his parents at the age of two, you can’t answer him in the same way - the words “you can’t fight”, backed up by a slap or a blow on the hands, fix in the kid’s mind the permission for violence from the one who is stronger. As a result, your child on the playground or in kindergarten will find those who are weaker and cannot fight back, and pour out the accumulated aggression on them.

Feeling angry, disappointed, annoyed is normal, you can’t teach children to suppress emotions in themselves. It is important to learn to express these emotions in a socially acceptable way.

Parents who are concerned that their baby is fighting are advised to observe not only the behavior of the baby, but also themselves. Children copy adults, and often parents should start educating themselves, learn not to vent negative emotions on a child.

The age of one and a half to two years is the period when the baby is just beginning to become independent. It is difficult for him without parental support and psycho-emotional feedback. At the same time, excessive guardianship and a huge number of prohibitions hinder the development of the baby and cause him to internal protest.

It is important to find a reasonable balance and develop the baby's communication skills with other people. A child who feels parental support is emotionally stable and more open to communication without aggression and learning about the world around him.

The kid is fighting... This is a very common complaint of parents. The important thing is that it depends on the reaction of mom or dad to such behavior of the child whether the baby will continue to fight or not. These tips will help you respond appropriately to your child's aggression.

To begin with, it is worth clarifying:

if a child watches the fights of his parents at home, if he is beaten at home (even just lightly slapped on his hands, buttocks, etc.), then these recommendations will not have desired result. First, work on yourself and stop fighting in the family.
Children under 3-3.5 years old often fight because they don’t know how and don’t know how to react differently to the situation that has developed. Therefore, the task of parents or educators is to show and teach the child to respond and interact correctly.

If your child hits you (bites, pinches, pulls hair)

As soon as the child hits you, say in a serious tone: “It hurts and it’s unpleasant for me! I don't want to be beaten!"
If the baby swung again, stop his hand gently but firmly. Say, "I'm in pain, I don't like it!"
If the child is sitting in your arms at the same time, then after the third attempt to hit you, put him on the ground and say that you do not want to communicate like that.
If the baby starts crying after you put him on the ground, take him back in your arms, because you want to explain, not punish.
If the baby hits you again, lower him to the ground again, clearly saying why you are doing this (you do not like the blow, it hurts).
Of course, after this, you should not immediately take it into your hands. But don't wait until the real tantrum begins. Pick up again, but hold the handles so that they do not encroach.
If you played together, and the kid hit you, then after his third attempt, exit the game. You can leave the room. It is necessary to show the child with words and deeds that you will not communicate with him in such ways.

If your child hits another child (bites, pinches, pushes, pulls hair)

Try to intercept the blow, stop the child's hand before he hits. Tell your baby that the boy/girl will be hurt and that he/she will cry.
If there was a blow, say that the child was in pain, show how he was upset / grimaced / burst into tears ... Say that children do not like being beaten. Important: It is necessary not only to say that it is impossible to fight (this is very abstract and incomprehensible), but to explain why (because it hurts, unpleasant ...)
Offer immediately another way out of the situation: let's ask the boy / girl with words, and not with a fight, so that he / she gives / gives the toy, shares, moves, etc. If your baby pushes, beats just like that, show how you can interact: do not hit, but hug, stroke, take the handle, lightly touch. As a rule, kids willingly stop the fight and begin to gently stroke the head of another.
If your baby continues to fight, take pity on the offended child, and put yours away. Take it in your arms and carry it a few meters away from the offended. It is necessary to show that in this way the game does not stick together, that children who fight play on their own.

Wrong reactions of parents to a child's fight

Hit back. This way you will show the child that hitting is a normal way to express your anger and displeasure. If you forbid a child to fight, bite, pinch, do not do it yourself!
Shout, scold. Here, as in paragraph 1, you demonstrate that screaming (by the way, this is one of the manifestations of aggression) is the norm, and also that the strongest and oldest wins.
Make it look like you're crying. This is not true, this is a game, and the child feels it. In addition, the child considers your performance to be ordinary entertainment. Therefore, will continue to do so in order to see your performance again and again.
Shame. For a child under 3.5 years old, shame is just a word that has no meaning. Therefore, your phrase: “Shame on you!” won't have any effect.
Ignore, thinking that he will understand (or wait for someone to hit back). If you do not express dissatisfaction with the behavior of the child, he thinks that his behavior is the norm, and therefore continues to do so.

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