Requirements for a child in education. Kulikova T.A. Family Pedagogy and Home Education: A Textbook for Students. avg. and higher ped. textbook establishments. Why parental unity is important in parenting

Each person in his daily life is subject to some standards and norms, this number also includes restrictions and prohibitions. Some are dictated on the basis of moral norms and laws, while others are dictated by health and safety considerations. There comes a moment when the child begins to comprehend this wisdom of life in society. So, the requirements and prohibitions in the family upbringing of children are the topic of conversation for today.

This is a very difficult period in a child’s life, now he very often hears the word “no” from the elders, and if he suddenly disobeys, he can even get hit in the ass. If parents do not behave consistently during this difficult period, then it becomes even more complicated, for example, today they are allowed, and tomorrow they are forbidden. The kid also doesn't understand why older sister or a brother can, parents can, but he is "not allowed."

The child, as best he can, tries to protest: he does not obey, is capricious, breaks toys - such is child psychology ... In this case, it is necessary to find the golden mean, in order to prevent permissiveness and in order not to break the emerging personality, with excessive severity. To do this, you need to take into account some important points in the family upbringing of the child.

W bans should apply to all family members. For example, everyone should not stick their finger into the socket, because it is very dangerous for life. Prohibitions require strict implementation, they are extremely strict. If everyone follows the prohibitions, then this will indicate that the child is a full member of the family, like close people.

In order to avoid complications, the restrictions should apply in a specific period of time to a specific person and require precise implementation. For example, dad knows how to turn on the gas on the stove, use a sharp knife, so he can do it. The child does not yet know how to do this, so these items are strictly limited for him.

But prohibitions and requirements should not exclude the possibility of cognition: the kid should know how adults work with any dangerous object. Show your child how well a sharp knife cuts bread, and at the same time explain that you can cut yourself with a knife and it will hurt. The child must believe and know that, unlike prohibitions, restrictions are temporary "impossible", since this is very important for him.

The list of requirements and prohibitions should not be long. If you very often tell your baby: “Don’t take it, then don’t touch it, it’s not for you, it’s dangerous, it’s unlikely that he will put up with it. He will secretly take a knife, matches, plug plugs into sockets in order to fix "there is a position in the house. If you look at it, adults themselves provoke their children to be exposed to dangers. In addition, if adults constantly resort to prohibitions, they thereby create a "dangerous space" around their baby. In this space, the child will not be able to develop and grow normally. a child may develop psychological complexes if he constantly stays in a stressful situation and feels fear.

To avoid this, keep the number of restrictions and prohibitions to a reasonable minimum. If you find it difficult, then all the prohibitions and restrictions on a piece of paper, and divide them into three parts:

For the safety of the child.
For the preservation of family property.
Restrictions that are dictated by the desire of adults to feel calmer, freer, more confident.

First point- this is the minimum "it is impossible", the observance of which must be achieved from the child.

For the second point your life experience should tell you how to neutralize the baby so that he doesn’t suddenly break the vase, pull the computer monitor off the table, don’t dump all the linen from the closet on the floor, etc. Lock cabinets with a key, remove the key. If there are no locks, tape or a simple rope will do. Perfume, a vase, cosmetics and others must be temporarily removed from the eyes. And so on. Thus, you will protect the child from dangers and injuries and at the same time reduce the number of strict prohibitions and restrictions. Never leave all cutting and piercing objects, lighters, matches, medicines, vinegar, household chemicals, etc. in accessible places for a child. Boil the kettle on a distant burner. Stroked, remove the iron away from sin.

If to speak about the third point, then, of course, adults have the right to a quiet rest, privacy, free time, even despite the fact that the child is trying to fill the entire living space. But there is such a truth: the freedom of one is a restriction of the freedom of another. For example, you watch your favorite TV series and demand silence from the child, he is unlikely to consider this fair. But if a tired mother went to sleep for an hour, in this case the child needs to be explained that for now it is impossible to make noise.

It is necessary to gradually introduce requirements and prohibitions for the child, no more than one per day. And this should be done exactly when the child began to show interest. For example, he was very interested in the socket - tell the child that a current lives in it, and he really does not like it when fingers are put into his mink, the current can "bite". If the child turned his attention to the gas stove, then it's time to talk about the dangers of fire and gas. No need to scare the child, tell him only about real threats. Do not hide from the child that he will cry because it hurts. But do not scare the baby with injections and doctors, because you will be tormented if you suddenly have to really do injections in the future. And do not lie that someone terrible can get out of the socket and carry it into the dark forest. Since the child will not only be afraid to approach the outlet, but also enter the room.

It is necessary to avoid the word "impossible" and the particle "not", in which initially there is a negative message. In addition, the child’s brain cannot perceive the “not” particle until a certain stage, and mother’s words take on the opposite meaning for him (instead of “don’t climb” - “climb”, “don’t take” - “take”, etc.).

It is better to replace them with other revolutions. For example, replace the expression "do not touch the stove" with "it is dangerous to touch the stove", and "do not climb on the table, you will fall!" Replace with "if you climb on a high table, you can fall off it!". In addition, do not set up the child for a negative development of events. Because the statements "you will hit, you will fall, you will break, etc." practically already speak of a fact that has only to come true.

If a child lives in a dense network of restrictions and prohibitions, this will not bring any benefit. According to child psychology, prohibitions and requirements can develop a lot of complexes in a child, and they can completely destroy him as a person. To preserve the health of the child, as well as a sense of joy and happiness, try to find a middle ground.

The upbringing of the younger generation is an important part of the life of adults. From that
how productive the educational impact will be depends not only on the future of children, but also the future of the whole country. After all, a citizen grows in every family, who, in turn, will soon become a parent himself. All the universal values that were laid down from childhood, he will pass on to his children. Otherwise, an immoral and unspiritual generation awaits us.

Family-School Interaction

The main role in education is played by the family and educational institutions. The effectiveness of this process depends on how close the relationship between them will be. Teachers and parents should develop uniform rules for raising a child, provide each other with all possible support and coordinate the methods and techniques of educational influence.

The family gives rise to the life views and positions of the baby. On the example of mom and dad, children learn, develop and learn. The influence of parents on the formation of personality is enormous. Only they, like no one else, know their child, mental and physical characteristics, inclinations and interests. With the help of parents, the teaching staff will be able to strengthen and develop those inclinations that are laid down by nature and accentuated in the family.

Knowing the peculiarities of the microclimate, the material, social and cultural situation in the family, educators and teachers increase the positive impact family relations or neutralize the negative impact in certain life situations.

So, the unity of requirements for the upbringing of a child is a purposeful influence of the family and educational institutions with the aim of developing a moral, industrious, healthy and intellectual personality. Uniform requirements act as the main condition for effective education.

A child is a person, an individual who has his own view of life, which is a reflection of his perception of the social environment. Toddlers perceive the behavior and statements of adults in different ways, evaluating them through the prism of their attitude towards themselves.

Often parents want to see in their children a continuation of themselves or, conversely, to embody their unfulfilled dreams in them. And they are surprised to note that their beloved baby absolutely does not want to look at the world through their eyes.
All conflicts and misunderstandings between adults and children occur solely because parents and teachers do not want to put up with the fact that the educated are capable of their own opinion. You can avoid these conflicts by constantly demonstrating love for a maturing person, respect for his judgments.

The formation of positive or negative self-esteem of the individual depends on the behavior of adults, their attitude towards children.

The task of parents and teachers is to show interest in the views and interests of the younger generation, to understand the subtle mental organization and help by solving problems, not punishing.

All families are different, and their classification will be very conditional. Consider the types of family relationships that cause the greatest difficulties for teachers when trying to establish interaction with parents.

"Difficult" families

Purposeful and constructive dialogue among teachers cannot be achieved with representatives dysfunctional families. Parents who abuse alcohol or use drugs not only fail to raise their children, but also cannot provide them with decent living conditions. After all, as you know, a positive upbringing of a child implies a healthy sleep and proper care. Such families cannot provide the kids with elementary conditions for a healthy life.

Children from such families cannot adapt socially in a team, they do not have the skills labor activity are often rude and aggressive.

In this situation, the school is the only source of education, which, in fact, is a lifeline for such children.

Teenagers are not easy to include in the purposeful work of the team, but a sincere interest in their problems, the ability to listen, understand and direct them on the right path can do a lot.

"Difficult" children grow up not only in families where parents have unhealthy addictions. Outwardly, quite prosperous parents often shrug their hands, looking at the behavior of their offspring, sincerely not understanding the reasons for them. aggressive behavior and complete disregard for generally accepted norms of behavior. It's all about improper upbringing, or rather, its complete absence in early childhood.

Many parents give complete freedom to their kids, believing that in this way they will be able to grow an independent personality. However, such connivance can only do harm. The fruits of neglected upbringing are visible in adolescence when children, not recognizing any authorities, rules and laws, often enter the path of crime.

The one and only

Modern parents, for one reason or another, prefer to raise one child.

On the one hand, such babies receive maximum parental affection and love, which has a positive effect on their development and self-esteem.

On the other hand, in such families it is often observed overprotection or permissiveness. The kid gets used to the fact that everything in this world is done for him and taking into account only his interests.

When the baby comes to kindergarten, and then to school, naturally, conflicts arise not only with other children, but also with pedagogical workers. The kid sincerely does not understand why the world has ceased to revolve around him, why he should be interested in the opinions of others and take into account their interests.

The inevitability of conflict is obvious. The child begins to protest, show aggression and, of course, demonstrates a complete unwillingness to obey.

Parents, as a rule, take the side of their beloved child, blaming teachers for all the problems.

In this situation, it is important for teachers to remain patient and show maximum tact when establishing contact with moms and dads. It is necessary in personal conversations to show the need for a different direction of education, to agree on methods, methods and forms of influence on little man to be used by both teachers and parents.

It is important to coordinate the methods of influence so that the child clearly understands what is required of him.

"We need money"

This phrase can often be heard from parents in personal conversations with teachers. Unfortunately, financial problems do not bypass anyone. However, such families proclaim the principle: "Material goods are the most precious thing."

Every day children hear the conversations of adults about where and how to get money, what to buy and what the cost of certain things is. Often people with a consumer attitude to life grow up in such families. They believe that everything can be bought and sold, ignoring moral and cultural values.

Outwardly, such parents take good care of the children, providing them with everything necessary. As a rule, they try to observe the daily routine, take care of their children. They rightly believe that positive parenting is healthy sleep and proper care.

However, such mothers and fathers do not care at all about the inner world of the child, unconsciously teaching them to do in school life only what can benefit them.

Working with such families involves a tactful discussion of the consumerist, selfish attitude of their offspring to life. It is important to give examples life situations which show the consequences of such upbringing.

Pedagogical illiteracy

Teachers call pedagogically illiterate those families in which, behind external well-being, the indifferent attitude of parents towards their offspring is hidden. And this is not due to the fact that moms and dads do not take care of children. Not at all. They check their homework, visit regularly parent meetings, provide a positive upbringing of the child - healthy sleep and proper care. However, parents do not have time at all to study the inner world of their babies. As a rule, adults in such families work hard and often get tired. This is reflected in relationships with children: parents do not try to resolve conflict situations in the family, but only provoke them under the influence of overwork and irritability.
Having come to school, such students transfer dissatisfaction with life in the family to relationships with teachers and peers, which manifests itself in violation of discipline and provoking conflicts.

Pedagogical workers should pay special attention to this type of parents: they are the easiest to contact with the school, understanding the need for close interaction.

Summing up

The unity of requirements for the upbringing of the family and educational institutions ensures an effective, purposeful educational process that will allow educating a harmoniously developed personality. Proper upbringing in childhood will serve as a guarantee of a successful life in the future, for which neither parents nor educators will have to blush.

Is it possible to raise a child without making any demands on him or his behavior? This question is far from idle. Requirements, their content, direction largely determine the degree of "softness" and "rigidity" of a particular educational system. And educational systems are different not only in specific families, but also among entire nations.

Each nation develops its own system of educational requirements that dictate what it is advisable to limit children to, and what they can be allowed to do. The problem of the boundaries of what is permitted has always been faced by parents. Until now, science has no data on a clear dependence of the results of education on the degree of softness-hardness of the attitude of adults towards children. For example, the Japanese education system is characterized by a soft, undemanding attitude towards preschoolers. However, at school age, this one-sidedness is balanced by increased rigor and exactingness. The European model of upbringing is somewhat different: at an early age, upbringing is quite regulated by the rules and requirements of adults, but as the child grows older, external control is weakened.

IN modern pedagogy the concept of "requirement" is interpreted quite broadly: in addition to a verbal order, it includes the rules of children's life, its organization. The most common means of organizing the life of a child in a family is the mode, which is the correct distribution of the main life processes in time, a reasonable alternation various kinds activities and recreation. The implementation of the regime is, first of all, the preservation and strengthening nervous system preschooler, and therefore, maintaining him in a balanced, calm and active state. The regime instills in children the habit of order, disciplined behavior. Children practice restraint, the ability to fulfill their duties, the demands of adults.

The pedagogical requirement contains two sides: the content, which reflects certain norms of behavior and morality, and the method of implementation - a certain form of expression of the requirement. For example: “I played cubes - put them in a box”, “If you need to go through, and someone is standing at the door, ask: “Please allow me.”

In modern pedagogy, the concept of "requirement" is interpreted quite broadly: in addition to a verbal order, it includes the rules of children's life, its organization. The most common means of organizing the life of a child in a family is the regime, which is the correct distribution in time of the main life processes, a reasonable alternation of various types of activity and rest. The implementation of the regimen is, first of all, the preservation and strengthening of the nervous system of a preschooler, and therefore, maintaining it in a balanced, calm and active state. The regime instills in children the habit of order, disciplined behavior. Children practice restraint, the ability to fulfill their duties, the demands of adults.

The motivating force of the demand depends on its clarity, the clarity of the wording. It is advisable for kids to “decompose” the requirements into actions, to show some of them. Thanks to this technique, the child develops an image of the upcoming activity, the necessary form of behavior. As the child accumulates experience in behavior and activities, a generalized formulation of the requirement is possible: "Artem, it's time to get ready for bed", "Oleg, please put things in order on your desk."

Demandingness should correspond to the achieved level and the immediate prospects for the development of the child. This shows respect for the strengths and capabilities of the child, trust in his personality. Parents should not do for the child what he has already learned, but should "inspire" him to the next achievements. For example, three-year-old Nastya knows how to put on a blouse herself, so her mother suggests to her: “Put on a blouse yourself, and we’ll try to fasten the buttons together.”

Keep in mind the reasonableness of the requirements. This means that the child must understand what and why he is doing. In addition, it is necessary to create real conditions for the fulfillment of the requirements, instructions of adults, to ensure the fulfillment of the requirements by material means, and it is important that they are selected taking into account the strengths and capabilities of the child. If, for example, a child is offered adult cutlery, he will not soon learn to eat with a knife and fork. Sometimes children cannot fulfill the requirements of adults due to the fact that they do not have the necessary skills and abilities. Therefore, parents should form a variety of skills and abilities in children in order to consistently increase the demands on their behavior and activities.

Requirements reach the goal provided that they are fulfilled by the child, brought to the end (including with the help of parents). And, on the contrary, a disorganizing effect on the child is exerted by numerous requirements that are not agreed upon by the adult members of the family and are not obligatory for fulfillment.

For a child, the tone of appeal to him with a demand is of no small importance. Affectionate, softened and restrained intonations, a share of humor and a joke are appropriate, the main thing is that the child feels the participation, care, interest of an adult in his personality. Requirements in the form of a shout, threats with irritable intonations are poorly perceived by the child and do not make him want to obey adults.

During preschool childhood, there is an awareness of the requirements of adults, an understanding of their reasonableness, the need to fulfill. As a result, in children of five or six years of age one can see the rudimentary forms of the transformation of the external demands of the parents into internal stimuli of behavior. The child begins to understand the requirements expressed in a request, advice, hint, indirect reminder.

In the educational systems of modern domestic families, the requirements are treated differently, which determines the different tactics of education. A.V. Petrovsky identifies the following types of family relationships and, accordingly, tactical lines in education: diktat, guardianship, peaceful coexistence based on non-intervention, cooperation.

Diktat is characterized by the fact that at the forefront are the requirements, rules that parents "introduce" into the life of the child with the help of orders, violence, threats and other harsh measures. , initiative, trampling on personal dignity. The "fruits" of such upbringing are fear, hypocrisy, lies, outbursts of rudeness, plus possible deviations in the child's health. Naturally, parents do not strive for such results, perhaps they resort to increased exactingness out of good intentions, but the damage caused to the development of the individual cannot be repaired.

At one time A.S. called for the maximum exactingness in education. Makarenko, but on condition that it is combined with maximum respect and trust in the child. Demanding without a combination of trust and respect for the child turns into rough pressure, coercion.

guardianship at first glance, it is directly opposite to dictatorship, to free the child from difficulties, to get rid of "extra" requirements. But in essence, the dictates of parents and guardianship are phenomena of the same order, they differ in form, and not in essence. The results largely agree.

Peaceful existence based on non-intervention - a fairly common tactic in modern families, where young, often educated parents adhere to the principle: children should grow up independent, uninhibited, free. Hence - a minimum of requirements, rules, norms of behavior. More clearly, the course towards the independence of the two worlds - parents and children - is observed in families where adults are busy with their own problems, including career ones, where mother and father “protect” their peace, take a position of non-interference, preferring coexistence that is comfortable and does not require mental costs. . The result of such upbringing is the alienation of parents and children, emotional autonomy.

Cooperation characterized by a balance of love, respect and exactingness to the child (however, to other family members). Here the requirements are not “bulging out”, they are natural if everyone effectively shows their love and care for each other. The child has no fear of fulfilling and non-compliance with norms, rules, requirements, because he will be reminded, prompted, if necessary, they will help. But most importantly, they inspire him with faith in his own strengths, opportunities, in other words, positively stimulate him. competence.

Hungarian psychologists J. Ranshburg and P. Popper believe that a child has a need for his own competence, which is formed as life experience is accumulated. One can cite a lot of evidence that a child early enough wants to explore the world on his own, to try his hand. Here is a three-year-old kid rushed to the icy path: “I want to ride!” How is mom doing? The one who takes care of the child or dictates her will to him will say. "No, it's still small. If you fall, you break your nose, it will hurt ... ”She suppresses the child’s desire to be active, to try his hand. In such cases, one speaks of negative stimulation of competence child. Another mother, who understands that the child’s desire for independence must be supported in every possible way, will say differently: “You can, but I will help you, give me your hand.” Encouragement of the child, permission to do something characterize positive stimulation of competence.

With negative stimulation, parents express concerns, dissuade the child, inspire him with “you can’t!”. The child picked up a dry branch - “you will gouge out your eye”, went up to a puddle - “you will fall!”, He took a cup from the table to help his grandmother clean the dishes - “you will break it!”. In a word - endless suggestions in word and deed that the child is not competent. Where does this lead? To a weakening of faith in one's own strengths, an assertion in a negative opinion about oneself and one's abilities. The child is guided by external control, and this leads to a fear of responsibility, to dependence on the situation, the requirements of adults. In a word, a person who is not self-confident will grow up.

With positive stimulation of children's competence, on the contrary, they inspire him that he will succeed, that he will be able to do everything, thereby strengthening his faith in his own strengths and capabilities. The child "grows" in his own eyes. The unobtrusive help of parents is aimed at developing the child's internal control over his behavior. And this, in turn, is beneficial for strengthening independence, becoming responsible. Together, all the techniques of positively stimulating the child's competence will help parents raise a self-confident personality.

So, the task of parents is to organize the life of children not so much with the help of external regulation, through the presentation of requirements, rules, but by fully activating the child's internal incentives, needs, desire to become better.

This is a painful problem: the school demands one thing, but society, the media, the family, the street teach another. Even teachers within the school do not always act in concert.The necessity and importance of the interaction of all teachers in this process is obvious.

Achieving success in the process of education is possible only if the efforts of all participants in the process of education are combined. The unity of requirements for the upbringing of a child is the leading condition for the effectiveness of upbringing.

If such unity and coordination of efforts is not achieved, then the participants educational process are likened to Krylov's characters - Cancer, Swan and Pike, who, as you know, pulled the cart in different directions. The success of a child's achievements depends on who and how influences his development.Difficulty in achieving academic success educational work, if some seek order and organization from students, while others show undemanding and liberalism.It happens that the teacher does not agree with the opinion of the team, criticizes the actions and actions of other teachers, etc.

All this cannot but have a negative impact on the formation of the views and beliefs of the individual.

At the same time, the pupil experiences enormous mental overload, since he does not know who to believe, who to follow, he cannot determine and choose the right influences among those authoritative for him.The child will simply play on the "weak strings" of teachers, he will not have a clear understanding of what is good and what is bad.

The absence of uniform requirements is an evil that, whether we like it or not, gives rise to opportunism and duplicity in a child.

To release him from this overload, to sum up the action of all forces, thereby increasing the influence on the personality, and requiresthe principle of unity of educational influences.

The principle of unity of requirements and respect for the personality of the pupil.

This position was clearly and convincingly formulated by A. S. Makarenko:

not permissiveness and boundless liberalism, but exactingness with maximum respect forpersonality.

The conditions for the implementation of this principle are as follows:

1. Providing a system in making claims;

2. Consistent complication of requirements;

3. Consolidation and improvement of previously presented requirements;

4. Perseverance in making a demand;

The practical implementation of this principle requirescreation of a unified system of education, both in the classroom and outside of school hours .

The systematic process of education is ensured by the observance of continuity and consistency in the formation of personality traits. In educational work, one should rely on previously acquired positive qualities, norms of behavior. Gradually both norms and means pedagogical impact should get more difficult. Educators should be encouraged to follow these same requirements in the family, counseling parents.

The teacher must always remember the need to support the reasonable demands of each other, to take care of the authority of the team.

The process of education at school, the actions of teachers should be aimed at ensuring coordinated actions and mutual understanding, unity of requirements, views.

All this will help to avoid many disagreements and even conflict situations between all participants in the educational process.

If the opinion of school teachers on this topic is clear and obvious, then the opinion of parents is very different.

Here is an article from an Internet site, the author of which has his own point of view on this topic. He asks readers

“Requirements in education. Unity of requirements. Is it necessary?

“How many educators - so many requirements

It would seem that it is a universally recognized, justified, orthodox pedagogical rule: everyone involved in the upbringing of a child should behave in the same way - and demand one thing, and instill one thing, and give the same assessments - the requirements in education should be the same.

Otherwise, they say, the child will be disoriented, learn to deceive, build his own “wrong”, beneficial to him, hierarchy of relations with educators, and so on. That is, roughly speaking, dad and mom, grandparents, educators and teachers, and others who come into contact with our child, must blow the same tune and strictly promote our child to his designated bright future.

educational requirements. Unity of requirements. Is it necessary?

Firstly, of course, this does not happen: even if we are very tense and come to an agreement, we still will not become the SAME educators.

And, secondly, this, in my opinion, is absolutely and NOT NEEDED. Even within the family.

Let dad, mom, grandparents, teachers be DIFFERENT for the child. Different not only outwardly, in status, in proximity, but also in DIFFERENT educators.

Let mom demand one thing, dad another, and teachers a third - let them have different requirements in raising a child. Only, under the only condition: that this difference in the requirements for the child should bring up “good and eternal” in the child, and not instill vices and bad habits in the child.

How else, our child will learn to separate the wheat from the chaff? Good from bad? How will you learn to think for yourself?

How to get used to the fact that the world is contradictory and the people in it are not only good and bad, but simply different? How will one not get accustomed to categorical judgments and non-authoritarian attitudes either towards oneself or towards others?

And the requirements in education, methods, assessments, etc., let the educators be different. If only they were... And they were not clearly directed against the child. In the end, from mom to kindergarten nanny, everyone wants the best for their children.

But everyone understands this good and implements it in their own way. That's life.

And let children learn this life from an early age.

And what is your opinion on this matter?

Requirements in education should be the same?

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