One child in the family. Interview with I.Ya. Medvedeva. How many children should ideally be in a family? Share with us your opinion! Can one child in a family

Very often in my childhood I thought about my brother or sister. I wanted to play with someone or share secrets. But it so happened that I grew up in a family alone, although my mother told me that she wanted a second child.

It seems to me that such a childhood often entails too much attention from parents, and children are also limited in their independence. But again, it all depends on the upbringing that parents give to such a child.

Advantages and disadvantages

A natural plus is the attention of parents to the only child. It is hardly possible to miss something here. Such a child will always be well-groomed, fed and cured of various diseases. But at the same time, it may have limitations in the same physical development. When mom always button up buttons or tie shoelaces.

Once I went to visit a friend, she has twins. You don't really mess around there. The girls ate, then dressed themselves, entertained themselves. No, mom takes care of them, but the children look more independent in the same care for themselves.

If one child is a little behind, he always has a role model in the face of a brother or sister. Also, brothers and sisters can look after each other if the age difference allows.


The disadvantages in families with several children, probably, are only that as they grow up, children may not converge in character and constantly be in conflict situations. It all depends on the character traits.

According to American psychologists, it is more difficult for single children to communicate with their peers, they are more secretive, and some do not make contact at all. At the same time, such children may have high self-esteem and look down on other children, which is not good.

Personally, I consider myself selfish, precisely because I was given a lot of attention, especially from grandparents. I was often spoiled and lisped. I still remember how my grandmother crushed my potatoes with a fork for about 6 years for sure :) But fortunately it didn’t spoil me. I still have elementary correct manners and life principles.

Buy bro!

Very often, children at an early age are looking for additional communication with their own kind. It's so hard to grow up with huge people and not have a little brother or sister around. Sometimes you have to hear from a child, “Mom, buy a brother or sister!”

conclusions

I think it's better to grow up with a brother or sister. Rethinking my situation, I would probably want an older brother, since I don’t have a father and I would really like to feel male support.

Do you think it is better to grow up alone in a family or with a brother / sister?

To receive the best articles, subscribe to Alimero's pages in

If you grew up in a family with multiple children, it's hard for you to imagine what it's like to be an only child. However, the thought of how parents managed to raise several children can also appear. The cost of education is constantly rising, couples are starting to have children later than was previously accepted.

It is not surprising that many families have only one child. Is the stereotype that an only child will be spoiled even a little true? If you're interested, you should also find out if there might be an advantage to such a solution! So, here is a list of reasons why one child per family is a great choice.

The cost of child care

It's no secret that the cost of childcare is very high. Modern parents have to put aside a lot for the education of the baby, while paying for food, clothes and numerous everyday trifles, not to mention diapers. Perhaps that is why it is worth noting that raising an only child is still easier and cheaper. The more children you have, the more you will spend on food, transportation, housing, education and care. It is worth considering this before you start planning your family. If several children severely limit your financial capabilities, this will be an extremely uncomfortable situation for both you and the kids themselves.

More possibilities

If you have more money left, you can offer your child more cultural and educational activities. Researchers have studied families with only one child and found that this really matters. There are many opportunities that are often more accessible to one child. Over the years, it becomes obvious how big the difference is between children from large families and those where there is only one baby. After all, children from large families rarely get the same education - it is very difficult to send several children to the university. In addition to education, this affects both travel and cultural recreation. One child will have more vivid impressions than a child from large family. Of course, there are families where there is enough money for everyone, but in most cases the difference is still noticeable, and one child more often receives more than a child from a family with several children.

A high self-evaluation

Parents of an only child are often better able to focus their attention on the only child, and the benefits are enormous. A child who was the only one in the family often has a higher self-esteem. Scientists analyzed data from hundreds of students and found that children from families with only one child show a higher level of intelligence and achieve more. In addition, they often have higher self-esteem than other children. When the child is alone, parents do not need to divide their time into several babies, and the child always gets someone's attention. This type of relationship provides an incredible sense of security, allowing you to become a more confident person. An only child benefits from the parents' undivided attention and emotional support. This increases self-esteem, allows you to become a more mature person with a developed personality. This is the most important criterion if you want your baby to be a happy and confident person.

Independent imagination

It often seems to parents that the only child will be lonely, because he will not have brothers and sisters who can always keep company. In fact, loneliness is not such a minus at all. The child can become more creative and active if he needs to entertain himself. The only children in the family are often imaginative, they are great at focusing, because with early years learned to entertain themselves.

They immediately learn that they can quite comfortably play for hours on their own and not get bored. So do not be afraid that your child will be lonely or bored - this is not at all the case, on the contrary, it is quite possible that he will only be more interested. Most importantly, give the child the opportunity to be alone with himself so that he can develop his imagination and learn to entertain himself on his own.

Rapid maturity

Due to the fact that the only child in the family spends a lot of time with adults, he quickly grows up and learns good manners. If he is not distracted at the dinner table by other kids, he quickly develops a rich vocabulary and becomes smarter because he takes part in adult conversations.

Constant contact with the world of adults makes the child more mature. In addition, there will be no rivalry between children, which will not interfere with communication in the family. Of course, it still depends on the relationship in the family and the parents themselves, but the statistics speak in this regard quite definitely.

life balance

The advantages of having only one child in the family apply to the parents themselves. If you have only one baby, you can be more active in your career and enjoy a lifestyle that suits your desires. If you only have one child to support, you can experiment more in your life and be happier. Happy parents- This happy child. You will be able to find a balance between raising a baby and your career. If you are wondering whether you will have enough time for everything, whether you can devote time to children, solve the problem simply - have one child.

This allows you to organize your life normally and engage not only in education. Two parents and one child is quite a comfortable situation, as you can always count on someone else to help and find time for your own interests, as well as to work on relationships. This is the most harmonious option for most modern people who want to develop diversified.

One child is more environmentally friendly

Another amazing bonus about raising one child is that it's good for the environment. You create far less waste, use less water and burn less fuel. This means that your impact on environment is seriously reduced. According to the UN, the world's population is currently over seven billion people, and this number is constantly growing.

It is believed that by 2030 there will be eight and a half billion people on the planet. If you raise only one child, you slow down the growth of the world's population and help save valuable resources. You may well be parents without destroying your home planet, and if the environment worries you, consider this criterion.

If you are determined to have only one child, you may need some advice. When the baby grows up a little, write him down in sections, sports or music, so that he always has someone to talk to. Also, give your child some alone time to develop their imagination. Let him follow his own path, not the one that you impose on him.

Include it in general conversations at lunch or dinner. Forget the outdated stereotype that an only child feels lonely and grows up too spoiled, it's not true at all. Instead, understand that such a baby can grow up as a whole person, however, like children from a large family.

For some, a second pregnancy is desirable and expected, and someone, as one friend of mine (who already had one child) put it: “I walked around with the ringing of bells in my head for several days.”

One way or another, having experienced the first emotions, do you wonder what to do next? Second child: easier or harder? I hope that abortion in any case will not be a way out for you. And therefore, you will have to prepare again for life metamorphoses, only now taking into account the presence of the firstborn.

A site for moms site will tell you what to expect from a second pregnancy and what you should pay special attention to.

Second child: pros and cons

Firstly, during the second pregnancy, mom (and dad too) is calmer about everything that happens, since there is no longer a novelty that was with the firstborn. And this is not bad at all: there is no fear of the unknown; a woman, as a mother, has already taken place.

Secondly, the first child helps mom to get distracted, and in the daily bustle, the time of pregnancy runs faster.

Thirdly, the birth itself is more fleeting and, as a rule, is easier.

Of the difficulties of the second pregnancy, one can name a more pronounced toxicosis, since not always the mother will have an extra hour to lie down, relax, recover. And toxicosis, as you know, does not like fuss.

How to prepare for the arrival of a second baby in your home? Our advice

1. It's time to pay increased attention to the independence of the first child and deal with the elimination of "weak spots". Let him master and consolidate in practice useful skills that will greatly simplify your life.

Does he know how to dress himself, tie his shoelaces? What about potty training on your own? These skills should be dealt with especially, because soon you will not be up to it. Does the baby know how to play calm, not noisy games? Teaching a child to be silent is also extremely important.

2. If you are still breastfeeding your first baby, decide if you will continue breastfeeding until birth, so that you can feed both of you later, or is it time to wean your first child?

If you choose the second option, then do it in the first half of pregnancy , otherwise the child may associate weaning with the appearance of a brother / sister on the horizon, which will be associated with negative emotions.

Yes, and any changes in the family regime should be carried out in advance.

For example, kindergarten. Do not start accustoming your child to kindergarten when there is nothing left before the birth. In order, again, not to combine the child's stress about the kindergarten with the appearance of a "competitor". Or moving from mother's bed to a separate "mink" - all these subtleties are best done in advance.

3. It is certainly worth preparing the first child for a family replenishment, but it is better to do this when the belly is already visible. So it will be easier for the baby to accept when everything is almost before his eyes. In addition, it is difficult for children to wait and imagine how all this will be until there are no noticeable changes.

4. You should also consider in advance all force majeure circumstances. If, God forbid, you need early hospitalization, with whom will the first-born be left? Are there reliable people who can temporarily look after him? Or is there a trusted nanny in mind, at least for a week? Well, if they are already familiar with the baby and spent time together, then the unexpected mother's absence will not be psychologically traumatic for him.

5. Pay First Child Attention to Young Children - how they play, eat, try to pronounce their first words and express emotions. Show him his childhood photos, films, pictures from magazines.

6. Teach your child not only to take, but also to share your care, love, mercy. Maybe you have small animals at home? Does the child know how to take care of them: walk, treat, feed, bathe, clean the cage, or is it exclusively the prerogative of the parents?

If he has such skills of caring for defenseless creatures, the chance of a responsible and kind attitude towards the appearance of a baby increases markedly. Teach, teach and once again teach the child to give, to open your heart to the weak! It would be nice to go with him to a shelter for homeless animals and bring humanitarian aid, even if it is very small. There can be a lot of options for “development of kindness” here, and it all depends on how ready you are to help.

7. Last but not least. If, upon discharge from the hospital, you will be met by family, relatives and your, now the eldest child, don't forget about him. Hug him and tell him how you missed him all the days of being in the hospital.

Your family and friends will certainly congratulate you on your new addition. Ask, if possible, of course, that they do not forget about the first baby. Let them pay attention to him on this day, delighting him with small amenities, toys and gifts.

This is the first step to avoid possible future jealousy and resentment of the child for the lack of constant attention to which he is used to.

Of course, these are just the most general tips and there are many pitfalls ahead in the relationship between older and younger children. Children's jealousy deserves a separate discussion. How to ensure that sisters and brothers are not only relatives, but also friends? How to make sure that there are no quarrels and even fights in subsequent years of living under one roof? We will tell you about all this in the next part of ours.

First and second child: mother's reaction

And finally, a few funny examples of how our attitude towards children changes with experience.

How does mom change diapers?

1. First child every hour, whether dry or not.
2. Second child every few hours if needed.

What does a mother do if a nipple falls to the ground while walking?

1. First child. He immediately puts it in his pocket and boils it when he comes home.
2. Second child. Turning it over in his hands, he rinses it with juice from a jar and sets it in place.

How does mom behave with the nanny?

1. First child. Calls home every hour to find out what and how.
2. Second child. Leaving the house, she discovers that she forgot to leave her phone number to the nanny.

Some parents, having one or maximum two children, often complain that they are insanely tired and that they do not have enough time for themselves. It seems to them that parents of 4-5 children cannot exist at all without additional help. But, surprisingly, this is not the case at all. What are the pros and cons of children in large families?

Advantages of large families:

1. Children from 5-6 years old in large families may well help their parents and play with younger children 2-4 years old.

In a family where there is one kid, you can’t get anywhere - the child needs to play with someone. But in a large family, as a rule, the elders play with the younger ones, help them get dressed, do their homework, walk with them, freeing their parents from a lot of worries.

2. Children younger age in everything they try to imitate the elders. And as it turned out from a psychological point of view, it is easier for kids to imitate not adults, who are too difficult to reach, but older children. Therefore, in large families, younger children develop faster and acquire skills and abilities.

In a large family, the child turns out to be both the eldest and the youngest, he must be able to establish contacts with each family member, communicate with children, both of his own and of the opposite sex, learn to give in and insist on his own, defend his opinion, show flexibility . With proper upbringing, children from large families have a more mobile psyche, are more resistant to stress and better adapt to any team.

3. Children from large families have a more developed sense of responsibility, this happens due to circumstances.

4. Children from large families have a big workload. Indeed, in a family with one child, it is much easier and faster for a mother to do everything herself, as a result of which the child is not independent. And in a large family, the help of children is simply necessary for the mother, and as you know, nothing will unite the family like joint work. In addition, the skills that the child receives by helping his mother with the housework will be useful to him in later life.

5. A big family has everything the necessary conditions for the continuity of generations. Children gradually develop communication skills with brothers and sisters, then the elders have their own children, and little uncles and aunts learn to communicate with their nephews, the age difference with which may not be so great. In general, children from large families are better prepared for marriage.

6. In a large family, there is an effect of the so-called small team. If there is one or two children in a family, then the emotional saturation of children with each other quickly occurs. In a large family, a system of children's collectives of different ages arises: there is an age hierarchy in it, the elders lead the younger ones. It is only necessary to ensure that the elders do not oppress the younger ones.

Cons of a large family:

1. In a family with only 1-2 children, parents have the opportunity to individually and more attentively treat any childish manifestation and respond appropriately to it, which, unfortunately, is not the case in a large family. And children absolutely need the close attention of their parents for normal development.

2. The amount of responsibility and domestic responsibilities that lie with a child in a large family can be a reason for children to subsequently reproach their parents for "depriving them of their childhood."

3. The state of health of children in large families is often not very good. Each large family is a small team, and if, for example, one child falls ill, then the rest may fall ill after him.

4. In many families with one or two children, children develop competitive relationships, they are jealous of their parents for each other, what can we say then about a large family?

5. Often, children from a large family have low self-esteem, because they perceive themselves not as an individual, but as part of a large team. In the future, this may turn into the fact that the child will begin to prove his uniqueness and uniqueness.

6. Even if big family lives in a house or a huge apartment, then both children and adults lack solitude, the opportunity to sit quietly, to be alone with their affairs and thoughts.

So the facts "for" and "against" an equal number, so you decide which option to choose for yourself.

Being the only object of parental care and love is both an honorable and rather difficult test for a baby. He gets used to privileges, likes to be constantly in the spotlight. However, adults need to strive to ensure that this isolated position does not bring him problems in the future. And here much will depend on the characteristics of upbringing and parental wisdom.

The presence of one child in a Russian family was a rarity a hundred years ago, but now it is a common thing. According to statistics, approximately 60-65% of families in Russia that have kids are families with an only child. Women in our time decide to give birth to their first children later and later, so the main obstacle to the appearance of second children is age. Continuing a career, an insufficiently high standard of living and other negative aspects often lead to the fact that having two or more kids becomes an unaffordable luxury.

In any case, the number of children is a personal decision of the spouses. If you are still not sure whether to give your unique child a younger brother or sister, let's try to clarify what are the pros and cons of such a common phenomenon in modern Russia as "the only baby in the family."

pros

1. Parents can satisfy all the needs of their beloved child. Any toys, expensive entertainment, clothes for every taste and color - absolutely everything that the baby wants, mom and dad strive to put into practice. Also, an only child has a much greater chance of getting a good education, because studying at a prestigious university costs a lot of money.
2. It is believed that a baby growing up without sisters and brothers is usually more developed than their peers. A rather controversial point, but there are reasons for such an opinion. In the case of raising one child, parents immediately notice all his talents and creative inclinations. If he draws well, then he is enrolled in a drawing circle, if he has a hearing and voice - in a music school. Usually, parents support and encourage any hobby of an only child, whether it is the desire to play sports or collecting rare and expensive cars.
3. Due to the special position in the house, the baby receives a lot of attention, care and affection from the parents. And if you add grandparents on both sides, then such children simply "bath" in love. Experts, noting the advantages of such treatment, consider the only child in the family to be more stable emotionally. After all, he does not know the excitement and anxiety that are associated with constant competition for the attention of adults.

Perhaps there are other arguments in favor of an only child, but all of them, rest assured, will come down to the conveniences, first of all, of the parents. Yes, it's easier with one baby. And when he grows up, few mothers and fathers will risk re-plunging into the worries associated with the baby.

Minuses

1. Children who enjoy the love and care of their parents undividedly run the risk of growing up as "inveterate" egoists. Sometimes they don’t even realize that it is necessary to make compromises, share with someone and sacrifice their own interests. Therefore, these children often have problems with adaptation to educational institutions when they realize that they are not the most important, unlike at home.
2. Perhaps the most important disadvantage for such a baby is the limited children's communication. Many parents are afraid to let their child walk alone in the yard, and some also do not want to invite other children to visit. So often the only interlocutors and playmates are the TV and adults.
3. Sometimes such children strive for excellence in all activities, wanting to please mom and dad, who set excessive and unrealistic demands. Being a perfectionist, the only child gets very frustrated if he doesn't excel in school or sports.
4. Some parents tend to surround their treasure with excessive attention, turning into overprotectiveness. If the baby gets sick, after a few minutes, medical luminaries gather at his crib. Something did not work out in school - mom and dad go to help. The child no longer wants to make efforts to achieve the desired result.

Of course, there are many examples that such a child does not have any special behavioral problems, easily strikes up friendly relationships with peers and grows up to be a wonderful person in all respects. It all depends on the right tactics of education and family values.

How to raise an only child in the family?

Do not try to grow out of it an extension of yourself. Let the baby find his own way of development, have personal preferences and do what he likes.

In some situations, it is simply necessary to say such important words like "no" and "can't". No one wants dusty toys that no one plays with. Teach your child to appreciate what he has.

Don't try to fix his mistakes. If a child quarreled with a friend, received an unsatisfactory grade, did not clean his room, do not rush to redo it for him. The ability to solve their own problems will be useful to him in adulthood.

Expand your baby's social circle. Involve him in a busy social life (sports and creative circles) so that he does not get bored by playing only computer games and watching children on TV. visit playgrounds(besides kindergarten), where he can easily communicate with peers. If you have friends with children of the same age, organize Sunday play sessions.

Teach him how to deal with disappointments and failures. If the kid did not get the main role in children's matinee, his team lost the competition, or he came "only" second in the competition, teach him how to deal with disappointment. Explain that he did everything possible and even impossible.

There are many reasons why couples decide to have only one baby. However loving mom with dad can raise an only child well-mannered and smart person. Therefore, I would like to remind once again that the most important thing for the development of children is not the presence of brothers and sisters, but reasonable and affectionate parents.