Mistakes of parents in dealing with adult children…. Children's etiquette: how to communicate with adults

Hello Tatiana.

Since adults, communicating with a child, always evaluate how well he is brought up, polite and restrained children have always been considered a reason for pride among parents. Everyone, as best he can, teaches his child from childhood to be educated and show respect for adults. It is the attitude towards adults in many cultures of the world that is considered the most important indicator of a person's upbringing. A civilized person must be educated, and education begins precisely from childhood.

The child must understand what exactly is the difference between adults and his peers. Parents should not only talk about this with their children, but also demonstrate by their own example the difference in behavior with people. different ages. It is difficult for children to understand how to behave with adults in a given situation, therefore, it is necessary to lay the foundations of behavior and communication with elders in their heads so that they do not go beyond acceptable boundaries in different situations.

Basics of communication with elders

• In all situations, the child should behave with restraint with adults. A warning position does not allow the child to take the initiative in communication. It is permissible to answer questions in a polite and restrained manner. However, when communicating with family, relatives and friends, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the child will take the initiative and ask, "How are you?" from a well-known adult (grandfather, father, uncle, family friend, etc.).
• Appeal to adults should only be “you”, but again, a baby may well address close relatives to “you”, and there is nothing wrong or shameful in this. "Hello", "bye" are phrases for peers and family members, and for strangers adults - "Hello", "goodbye".
• The child should greet first, regardless of which of the elders is standing in front of him - the father or the unfamiliar oncoming one, with whom the mother stopped to talk. It is not at all necessary to enter into a dialogue after this, but the greeting should come from the youngest.
• Well-bred children never interrupt adults if there is a lively conversation going on between them. It does not matter whether the topic concerns the child himself or the subject of conversation is far from the baby, whether the baby has a comment, or he just wants to say something from himself. You can speak only after turning to the child, when he is asked a question or the elders want to hear the opinion of the little interlocutor.

In exceptional cases, when the baby needs to say something, he can insert phrases into the adult dialogue: "Sorry, I need to say something", "I'm sorry, can I interrupt you", etc. Some parents even develop a certain system of signals if the child needs to say something very urgently. For example, a baby may squeeze his mother's hand, letting her know that he has some urgent business for her.

• In a dialogue with adults, children should be extremely restrained, speak without indulging, without grimacing. In conversations with elders, educated children often use polite words more often than usual.
• Children should never argue with adults, and even more so it is unacceptable to enter into any conflicts. The child must be taught that if he does not agree with something, then it is not necessary to “agree” in everything. It is necessary to listen calmly, let the elder finish the monologue, and after that it is very correct to express your opinion, albeit the opposite.
• Adult help will never cease to be relevant. Hold the door for an elderly person, give way to public transport or on a street bench, to give a hand at a pedestrian crossing - even the smallest can do it.

It is very important to teach the child not only the rules of communication with elders, but also the precautions. Do not forget to tell children about how to behave with strangers, that there are not only "good" adults, but also "bad" ones who have evil intentions. Give examples to children, conduct experiments more often, asking him how he would behave in a given situation. Such work will not go unnoticed, and the child will not only be educated and polite, but also knowledgeable.

Sincerely, Natalia.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Being a parent is very rewarding and difficult at the same time. It is not always possible to find an approach to the child, to establish healthy contact with him, especially when the children grow up and leave their father's house for free swimming. Today I want to raise the topic: how to communicate with adult children. Parents often make mistakes that greatly interfere with a healthy relationship with their children. Let's take a look at what these errors are and how you can fix the situation.

be a parent

As children, we do not think about how difficult it is sometimes for our moms and dads. They try to do everything possible for our happy future, guide and instruct us. Every mother worries about her child tirelessly, even in a dream, even while being nearby.

But as soon as we ourselves become a parent, something clicks in our heads. There are so many parenting tips, special books, trainings, films around that you get lost and don’t understand how to do everything, how not to miss anything, how.

While the baby is very small, the mother does not sleep at night, worries, worries. This state does not leave even when the daughter turns eighteen, twenty-five or thirty-nine. Excitement still continues to live in the mother's heart. And this is absolutely normal, the main thing is to learn how to deal with it competently and not interfere in the life of an adult child.

I bring to your attention a wonderful article that will help you learn to cope with excitement and worries for your children - "". If you learn to control these emotions, then it will become much easier for you to communicate with both small children, teenagers, and adults.

Reasons for misunderstanding

Why is it so difficult to build a healthy relationship with an adult son or daughter? In many ways, it all depends on parental perception, desires and behavior. A mother or father cannot fully accept the fact that their baby has already grown up, that he is not small, and it's time to finish protecting him and educating him. All the same, there is a feeling that he needs help and advice.

In addition, when the child leaves home, there is a feeling that the parents are no longer needed. Feeling abandoned. Because of this, resentment, anger, irritation come. I forgot, I didn't call, I didn't come, and so on.

The mother continues to feel her power even over her adult son. Of course, being small, he was completely dependent on her. It was necessary to ask permission, to obey, to be punished for an offense. The feeling of power sometimes remains, only now the child no longer needs such strong patronage. He has the right to decide for himself and make a choice.

Feeling that the son or daughter owes something. They must devote a lot of time to their parents, they must constantly call and come to visit. And because of unjustified hopes and expectations, only unnecessary problems appear and relationships deteriorate.

Another reason is personal space. Parents try to give advice, understand the situation, help, but this is no longer necessary. adult daughter she can deal with the issue of work or relationship with her spouse. But the mother still continues in her daughter's personal life. This violation of boundaries leads to quarrels.

Sometimes parents start catching their adult children cheating. It's not uncommon, to be honest. Many adults do not tell the whole truth to their mother. Be sure to read the article "". In it you will find a description of the many reasons why children do this to their parents. It doesn't always happen out of malice.

Establish communication

How to make communication with children pleasant and useful for both parties? First, you need to understand that your daughter or son is already adult and independent, that they themselves can make decisions, make choices, make mistakes, stumble, but they will definitely cope with everything without your help. And when it's hard for them, they will definitely come to you.

Just be ready to support and give parental advice. But only when asked to do so.

Secondly, learn not to be offended by the lack of attention from the children. Remember, they have their own life, their own family, and it is not always possible to find time to communicate with their parents. This is not as scary as it might seem at first glance. Do you spend a lot of time with your parents?

Instead of being offended, talk, calmly explain that you would like to see each other more often, call up in the evenings or if possible. Do not swear or blame the child.

Third, get on with your life. You really need the ability to switch attention to yourself now. Rub your husband, travel, find, take care of your grandchildren if you already have them. Give your child freedom. Give that freedom to yourself too.

Now you can finally fully devote time to yourself and only yourself. This is a wonderful period. Enjoy it.

If you can’t manage on your own, then seek help from a psychologist. and together we will try to solve exactly your problem. Buy Natalya Manukhina's book " Parents and adult children". It contains very interesting and useful thoughts that will help you better understand your adult child and yourself.

What is the most common cause of conflict with your child? How did your relationship with your parents develop as you grew up? What do you expect from children?

I am sure that you will definitely be able to establish contact with children.
Good luck to you!

CLASS HOUR "COMMUNICATION WITH ADULTS"

A cultured and decent person can be quite quickly distinguished by their manners of behavior and communication, especially if this manifestation of politeness concerns a respectful attitude towards people of the older generation.

Rules regarding respect

to older people

1. Consider the mood and busyness of adults.

Imagine that your parents came home from work tired and excited. First of all, they need to rest a bit and calm down. You should not bother them with your problems, at least for a while. Put yourself in their place, and you will immediately become clear and understandable.

2. Speak polite words most often.

Polite words beautify human speech and make human relationships more benevolent. The words "thank you", "sorry", "please" are absolutely necessary. In addition, it must be remembered: in communication big role play intonation and tone of voice.

3. Patiently listen to the comments of adults.

An adult is wiser and smarter than you, because he has a lot of life experience. He understands complex problems better than you. life situations. Therefore, you should listen to the comments and advice of adults.

4. Always tell the truth.

Lies do not make a person beautiful. First, lying is not profitable. It is very likely that the lie will be revealed. But then adults will be angry with you not only for the act itself, but also for the fact that you lied to them!

Secondly, lies and conscience are incompatible concepts. The more lies take root in a person's behavior, the more his ability to distinguish between good and bad is dulled.

5. Do not interrupt the elder.

To a young man it is not permissible not only to interrupt an elder, but also to begin and end a conversation with people of advanced years.

Relationships and communication of children with elders presuppose their relationship at the table. There are several rules to follow. Here are some of them:

do not interrupt the conversation of adults;

Do not express negative emotions about the dishes (try not to use expressions: “I don’t want, I won’t ...” or “Fu, how disgusting”);

Do not take anything from the common dish first, but wait until one of the adults takes it first;

Don't get up without getting permission from your elders, especially when everyone else hasn't finished eating.

If you consistently follow the rules good manners at the table, it will gradually develop into a habit, and it will be easy and pleasant for others to communicate with you.

You should be polite and attentive to your parents and other people of the older generation, petty quarrels between family members are common. But we must not allow it to come to insults and swear words. It must be avoided as a contagious disease. Only those who have learned to control themselves from childhood, observe the above rules of behavior, will be able to maintain self-control in the future and grow up to be a decent, friendly and intelligent person.

Wise Thoughts":

“True politeness lies in a benevolent attitude towards people” (Jean Jacques Rousseau)

“Nothing happens so rarely in the world as complete frankness between parents and children” (R. Roland)

Businesswomen, who are forced to decide day-to-day affairs of the company, complain that they cannot fully engage in raising a child. As a result, they get an sometimes uncontrollable baby who behaves disgustingly in public. It is not worth reproaching yourself and giving up in this situation, psychologists say. Mothers should explain to the child in time children's etiquette rules. The assimilation of the principles of behavior in society - no matter who is in front of him - a family friend or a pediatric dentist - will help the child avoid many difficulties in adolescence. 25 rules of children's etiquette listed in the next article.

25 rules of children's etiquette

Your child is rapidly growing up, and there comes a time when, in addition to affection, care and games, it is worth taking the time to learn etiquette. This is especially important in our time, when many people often forget about good manners and do not attach importance to elementary politeness.

The sooner you start vaccinating your child good manners, the easier it will be for both of you in the future and your child will certainly thank you for it. Sometimes kids just don't understand that it's impolite to interrupt a conversation, poke your nose into adult affairs, and loudly discuss people's shortcomings.

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, busy moms and dads don't always find time to focus on etiquette. But if you remember and instill in your child twenty-five simple rules of behavior, you can raise a really polite and well-mannered person.

So, what should a growing baby know?

Etiquette Rule #1
When you ask for something, be sure to say "please."

Etiquette Rule #2
When you receive something, be sure to say "thank you".

Etiquette Rule #3
Do not interrupt the adults they are talking to each other unless there are emergencies. As soon as the adults finish the conversation, they will definitely pay attention to you and answer all your questions.

Etiquette Rule #4
If you want to get the adult's attention while they're talking, walk up quietly and apologize before jumping into the conversation. Polite people do just that.

Etiquette Rule #5
If you are in doubt whether it is worth doing this or that thing, it is better to consult with adults, they will surely give you good advice that will help you and, quite possibly, can save you from any troubles.

Etiquette Rule #6
Try to be restrained and not show your negative emotions in public. It's ugly, you won't earn respect for yourself that way.

Etiquette Rule #7
Never comment on the physical features of other people, the exception is a compliment. Even if a person is ugly in appearance, this is not at all a reason for discussion: in this way you can offend or upset another.

Etiquette Rule #8
When people are interested and ask how you are doing, answer them, then be sure to ask the same question afterwards. A person is always pleased when they are interested.

Etiquette Rule #9
When you spent time at your friend's house, don't forget to thank him and his parents for a great time and for a delicious treat, be sure to say that you will come to visit them again with pleasure.

Etiquette Rule #10
Before entering anywhere, be sure to knock first, and only when you are allowed to enter, open the door.

Etiquette Rule #11
When you call someone, be sure to introduce yourself first, and then politely ask if you can talk to the person you're calling.

Etiquette Rule #12
Always give thanks and say thank you for any gift you receive. In this age of e-mail and text messages, for example, your grandmother will be very pleased to receive a handwritten letter or card from you thanking you for the gift she received.

Etiquette Rule #13
Never use profanity in the presence of adults. Adults already know all these words and find them boring and unpleasant.

Etiquette Rule #14
Adults should be addressed with “you” and called by their first and middle names. The only exceptions are relatives.

Etiquette Rule #15
Don't laugh at people for no particular reason. By such behavior, you show a person your weakness and narrow-mindedness, all the more, all people are different, there are also very touchy. The person may be offended or angry at you.

Etiquette Rule #16
Even if you are bored during a game or some family gathering, try not to show it. Believe me, people do their best to make everyone interesting and fun.

Etiquette Rule #17
If you accidentally bump into someone, apologize to that person.

Etiquette Rule #18
Cover your mouth with your hand when you cough, yawn, or sneeze, and don't blow your nose in public places.

Etiquette Rule #19
When you open the door to get in or out, look for someone behind you to hold the door and help the person.

Etiquette Rule #20
If you pass older relatives, acquaintances, or teachers busy with something, ask if there is anything you can do to help. It is quite possible that you will be very useful, and you will also be able to learn something new and interesting for yourself.

Etiquette Rule #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, try not to grumble and do it with a smile.

Etiquette Rule #22
When someone helps you - for example, a teacher - be sure to thank, the person will be pleased and he will surely help you next time.

Etiquette Rule #23
Try to use cutlery correctly while eating. If you suddenly do not know how to do it right, consult your parents, they will certainly tell you.

Etiquette Rule #24
During dinner, keep a napkin on your lap, and when necessary, blot your lips with it.

Etiquette Rule #25
If you can't reach a dish or item at the table, politely ask to be handed it to you.

If your child cries often, is afraid to be alone in a dark room, falls asleep for a long time, emotionally experiences extraordinary situations, reacts painfully to sudden changes in plans or daily routines, most likely he belongs to the anxious-suspicious type of children. Even the hypothetical possibility of meeting an unkind person on the street can frighten such a child and make him worry in advance.

It is very important not to aggravate the situation by painting the world in black colors, but to gently explain that there are situations when you need to behave in a strictly defined way. To make it easier for the baby to imagine and - which is especially important for such children - to survive similar situation, you can play role-playing games. Take toys (like dolls, or Stuffed Toys) and play all the options for possible communication with strangers. For example: you have a fox in your hands, which refers to the doll in the hands of your child with the words: “ Hello, what a nice weather today!"And the answer options:" Hello, I also like it when the sun is outside", and goes to mom ...

Or this option: Hello! Would you like me to show you the goldfish? They live at my house!"The answer to such a proposal should be unambiguous:" There is my mom (dad) and she forbids me to leave with strangers. If you don't move away, I will scream". This is not a reinsurance: no well-meaning adult would make such an offer to a child.

Having lost all possible options with the baby, you will help him understand that there is nothing wrong with adequate communication with adults, and the sooner the baby learns to do this, the better. For anxious children, even ordinary communication with other adults can be a test: it is difficult for them to express the usual request to the teacher in kindergarten not to mention asking a complete stranger something on the street.

In general, you should explain to the child that if, for example, he gets lost, it is best to approach a person in uniform with a question, be it a policeman, a station attendant in the subway, or even a salesman in a store. To respond to the offer of strangers to take him home, the child should only do this: "I will stand here and wait for my mother." At attempts to take him somewhere by force, the child must respond with a loud cry.

hyperactive children

Such children, due to their temperament, are not able to sit in one place for a long time, they tend to quickly forget what they were taught, so do not be afraid to once again repeat the basic rules of behavior and communication with adults. By virtue of his superficial activity, such a child can thoughtlessly enthusiastically follow other people's adults to “see rabbits” or accept an offer to “drive a car,” or, by virtue of the same qualities, offend a benevolent adult with a rude answer. In order to teach a hyperactive baby to navigate the situation correctly, it is very desirable for him to work out in a group with a psychologist, where, with the help of specially selected and adjusted exercises, they will help to concentrate and be careful at the right time.

Refuse not to offend

At first, an indicator of the nature of increased attention to the baby is your own reaction. If a guy sitting opposite in the subway makes faces at your child, and, when leaving, waves his hand, saying goodbye, you should not look at him like a wolf, assuming a maniac in him. Most likely he just good mood and he just shares it with others. If you watch what is happening with a smile, the baby, having caught your reaction, will relax and participate with pleasure in the proposed game of “staring”.

It is a completely different matter if the aunt sitting next to him offers the baby a candy or a cake. In this case, seize the initiative and even if you are sure of her good intentions, try to refuse. There is a universal answer: “Thank you very much, but we can’t have a lot of sweets,” while smiling and speaking as kindly as possible so as not to offend the person: most likely, they are driven by sincere sympathy. So the baby will form a reaction of refusing such treats, and in a polite and even friendly manner.

good advice

Walking with a child on the street, for example, on a playground, it happens to listen to “good” advice from strangers - how to respond to them? If the advice is good, then everything is clear: "Thank you very much, I probably will." With this reaction, you will teach your child to listen to other people's opinions and admit their mistakes.

It happens that others begin to openly be rude or insist on certain actions. In this case, it is best to simply step aside, remembering to say firmly but calmly: “Next time we will keep this in mind. Thank you".

It happens that the parents of other children suddenly start yelling at your child, making impolite remarks to him, etc. Even if your baby is wrong, do not leave the situation without comment, stop the adult, apologize in the end. And then be sure to try to understand the situation, ask the child what happened? And if he really was wrong, discuss the situation, try to figure out together what should have been done in this situation.

It is important that the child understands that adults can be wrong too. Children acutely feel injustice and if you teach them to respond adequately (for example, with the phrase “Don’t yell at me, let’s figure it out”), this will be very useful to him in the future.

A role model has always been, is and will be the behavior of parents. If you are unfriendly, impolite, closed to communication with strangers, the child will copy your behavior to the smallest detail. Of course, this will protect him in many ways, but it will also deprive him of a lot ... If you are emotionally open, sociable, always ready to help others, your child, even if he was born with a different temperament, will perceive the world just as joyfully and openly! Let's look for the golden mean and strive for harmony!