Rules of a gentleman in relation to a girl. Gentlemen's Code. Rules of conduct for gentlemen of the Victorian era, relevant today. What does it mean to be a gentleman

The image of a well-bred young man consists not only of the ability to behave well towards a woman. Opening the door for a lady, letting her in front of you or helping to carry a heavy bag is certainly good, but the rules of etiquette for men do not end there. Polite speech, a culture of behavior, a well-chosen suit and much more are also an integral part.

Fundamental rules of etiquette for men

In old films about the privileged part of society, we can often observe how, when a lady enters a room, the male half of the hall immediately rises from their seats. And only after the girl is comfortably settled somewhere, the rules of conduct for gentlemen allow them to return to their places.

Today, this situation is extremely rare, although this is one of the fundamental features of an intelligent man.

There are 14 basic rules of behavior for men towards women, which every self-respecting young man should know:

• On the street, a young man must accompany a lady, walking along left side from her. WITH right side only the military have the right to go to salute if necessary.
• If a girl stumbles or slips, a man must certainly hold her by the elbow. Although in real circumstances the choice remains with the lady.
• Good manners do not allow smoking in front of a lady, only after her consent.
• A real man always lets the lady go ahead, having previously opened the door for her.
• When ascending or descending the steps, the young man is obliged to support his companion if necessary, for this he is a couple of steps away from her.
• When entering the elevator, the man must enter it first, and when leaving, let the girl through first.

• The young man gets out of the car first, who, bypassing the car, opens the door on the passenger side, giving the lady a hand. If a man is a driver of transport, then he is obliged to open the front passenger door and help the lady sit down. In case the gentleman is also a passenger, he needs to sit in the back seat with his companion. It should be remembered that in this case, the girl first gets into the car, and then the man next to her.
• Entering the room, a man helps the lady take off her coat, and leaving it, he must help her put it on.
• IN modern world young man it is not supposed to find a seat for yourself if the woman is standing.
• According to etiquette, a young man needs to come to a meeting before a lady, so as not to put her in an uncomfortable situation if she is late. In emergency cases, you should notify the girl about this and apologize to her.

• A man is obliged to help every woman to carry large bags or any bulky items. These do not include a woman's handbag, as well as small fur coats and coats, except for the case if the lady is not able to carry her things herself because of her health.
• The main mistake of a young person when communicating with someone is crossing his arms, as well as sorting something in his hands. This is considered a sign of disrespect to the opponent.
• When going to a restaurant, the gentleman first comes in so that the head waiter makes the right conclusions about who invited whom and who will pay the bill. With a large number of people, the first person to enter is the one who will pay and is the initiator of the invitation. In the case of a meeting of a couple by a doorman, the girl enters the restaurant first. Following this, the man must find an unoccupied place.
• Being in a company, a young man with a girl is forbidden to speak on frank topics, it is better to choose light, unobtrusive subjects for discussion.

Appearance according to etiquette

The main thing in the wardrobe of a modern intelligent man is not a formal suit and tie, but the general picture. In other words, harmony. Don't go overboard with accessories. Everything should be in moderation. A tie or bow tie should match the overall color scheme. A shirt should be chosen lighter than a suit or a universal white color should be preferred. Cufflinks or a tie clip should not become a bright accent.

Those who want to emphasize their status or material wealth by complementing the image with massive accessories and jewelry, can achieve the opposite result.

Norms of etiquette for men in modern society he is ordered to coordinate his outfit in advance with the outfit of the lady he is going to accompany to any cultural event.

As for the male hairstyle, disguised bald patches look awkward. It is not recommended to paint over gray hair. When attending public events, men should shave cleanly. Only small mustaches and beards are allowed.

Appearance shoes are also one of the important in the image of a gentleman. Shoes or boots must be kept in proper condition. Lacquer shoes should only be worn when absolutely necessary. For business meetings and dates, shoes made of suede or leather to match the color of the suit will be a suitable option.

It should be remembered that the right style of clothing is 50% of the successful completion of the meeting, regardless of its type.

business etiquette

Having dealt a little with the wardrobe, you should move on to the norms of behavior in the business sphere. Another important factor when communicating with a business partner is not only the appearance, but even the smell. Preference should be given to perfumes not with a pungent smell, but softer and lighter, closer to natural.

But, above all, business etiquette is how you behave in negotiations and meetings. For example, when entering an elevator, people in higher positions are allowed to pass. The same goes for greetings. Subordinates, according to business ethics, should greet leaders first.

A person working in the business field should get business cards, as this is much more convenient than wasting time every time looking for a piece of paper to record contact information. The business card design should be simple, without unnecessary details, only brief information about the owner (company name, position, full name, phone number).

You should learn how to prepare for a meeting in advance: It is better to make a list of necessary questions the day before. This will help to significantly reduce the time of the meeting, which will show your business competence.

IN business conversation it is important to capture all the details of a conversation with a business partner. Some non-verbal means of communication will help win over the interlocutor, such as a handshake, a nod of the head, and so on.

table manners

It happens that at an event an unfamiliar girl can sit at the table on the right side. The rules of conduct in this case prescribe to look after the lady, to ensure that her glass and plate are not empty, regardless of the level of acquaintance. It is necessary to help move the chair away if the girl wants to leave the table, and when she returns, do the same.

Good afternoon to you, if you are not tired yet :)

Today I would like to talk about the so-called Code of the Gentleman - an elegant aristocrat. Of course, I have no doubt that many, if not all, of the gentlemen here are aware of these simple rules. :)

Strict adherence to the rules of etiquette and social norms made the Englishman of the 19th century an example to follow, a model of upbringing and decency in the eyes of all subsequent generations.

And so, I present to you ... in the end, we got 24 basic rules from the "gentleman's pocket code" according to TrendyMen magazine (Trendymen.ru). Some of them still have not lost their relevance, and some, alas, are in the past.

1. Modesty in a suit is always preferable, as it disposes those around you to the one who wears it.
A humble person is rarely the object of envy.

3. Being a good listener is a great talent that is not easy to develop. A well-bred person should have it, no matter how hard it is for him.

4. Every well-bred person knows how to gracefully take off his hat.

5. Well-bred people rarely wear the latest fashions. This is the privilege of dandies and poseurs. However, dressing well is a great virtue.
Lord Chesterfield said: "Excessive clothing implies a misperception of the world"

6. Prudence and decent behavior, like silver money, are always valuable.

7. Every parent should teach their child the art of using cutlery. There is nothing more unpleasant than being in front of a dish that you do not know how to eat.

8. Lord Chesterfield said: “Dancing is a trifling and stupid thing, but it is that form of social madness into which even reasonable people must plunge from time to time.”
If you are taking your wife to a dance party, never dance with her, except perhaps the very first dance*.

9. Women's restroom - a place where under no circumstances should any gentleman look.

10. Gentlemen should not gather in groups and leave ladies unattended.

11. Climbing the stairs with the ladies, go to the side of them or in front, but not behind

12. When passing by single ladies on the street, do not speed up or slow down your pace. Do not look too closely at the dress of such ladies.

13. When hosting guests, do your best to make them feel at home. Simply offering them to make themselves at home is not enough.

14. Once talking to an idle person is enough to hear everything he knows in this life.

15. It's not enough to just nod to a lady you meet on the street, or just touch your hat. The headdress must be removed, this is a manifestation of elementary respect for her gender.

16. A man who accompanies a lady while smoking a cigar casts doubt on her reputation.

17. A gentleman should not stand at hotel doors or on street corners, looking at ladies passing by.

18. When a man marries, all his past relationships must end, unless he hints at a desire to renew them.

19. Don't be selfish, but give in on the little things.

20. If you have been introduced to a person of a higher social position, having met him again, you should not show that you recognized him until he himself shows signs of recognition.

21. Never talk about the musical talents of one lady to another.

22. Making fun of a person in his presence or absence is humiliating for a gentleman. Witty ridicule may cause laughter from others, but will not cause their respect

23. Never read in public.

24. Alone - watch your thoughts, in the family circle - for the manifestations of your character, among acquaintances - for your language.

* According to paragraph 8, a small addition: with the lady, with whom the gentleman came to the dance evening, it was appropriate to dance no more than three dances. At least this rule is now guided by historical balls

The evolutionary branch that gave the world gentlemen turned out to be a dead end. And examples of gallantry in this regard are no different from fire-breathing dragons: perhaps they once existed, but no one saw them.

At least numerous legends and myths, cave paintings and illustrations in children's books remained from dragons, but what is left of gentlemen? An enticing name for a clothing brand, a parody show, languid novels, an association with four adventurers ("Courtesy is the best weapon of a thief") and a nauseatingly sweet image of Ashley Wilks with a shining halo around his head.
And yet we believe that they were. Gentlemen, not dragons. They just turned out to be unviable and mutated into another subspecies. As a result, habits also mutated. The upgraded descendants of sweet Ashley changed moiré vests for leather jackets, suspenders for belts, underpants for Goofy boxers, culottes for cut jeans with their own hands, a felt hat for a Spartak cap. Instead of an album of poems, a gentleman of the 21st century starts albums on social networks, one in five of which he modestly calls “I don’t like being photographed!” Instead of a theater, he invites a lady to karting. He doesn’t order seafood in a restaurant because he doesn’t know how to eat it properly, but he easily fixes a tea-drenched clave and recommends the latest smartphone. What can I say, everything has evolved along with the breed. For better or for worse, we be the judge, ladies!

THE EVOLUTION OF THE GENTLEMEN

XIX CENTURY	XXI CENTURY
Does not borrow money from a friend except in dire need.	Doesn't lend money to a friend or borrow a lady's heart, except in dire need (for example, not enough for a beer, a new computer, or a radio-controlled helicopter).
In conversation, he does not mention names, as well as how much things cost.	He does not mention the names of other ladies to his girlfriend, as well as how much a new computer and a radio-controlled helicopter cost. He talks about beer willingly.
He does not touch unfamiliar ladies if they are accompanied by strangers who are better not to be patted on the back.	Doesn't pat strangers on the back or touch ladies they don't know.
On the street, he never takes off his gloves.	On the street he never takes pictures of girls.
Always helpful, gallant and considerate with the ladies.	Always helpful, gallant and considerate with ladies in miniskirts.
Avoids excess jewelry. Gold or diamond cufflinks and a watch on a chain are appropriate.	Admire the excess of jewelry on his lady, especially if she has nothing but them. Always ready to offer her his cufflinks.
Considers it necessary, going to the ball, to put a spare pair of gloves in his pocket.	Considers it necessary, going to a party, to put a spare condom in his pocket.
When going up stairs with a lady, the gentleman keeps a little in front, and when going down, a little behind.	Climbing up and down the stairs, always let the lady go ahead to assess her figure from behind.
Before entering the hall, he fastens his gloves and diligently straightens his hair and tie.	Before entering the hall, he unfastens the guard on the face control and, looking at the beautiful girl, persistently sends his lady to fix her hair.
Passing by a mirror, do not look into it.	Passing by a mirrored display case, he squints into it with a curious look and pretends to be interested in its contents.
To the theater, to a concert, or to a music salon, the gentleman goes first to find the right places for himself and for his lady.	He does not go to the theater, falls into a stupor at the phrase "music salon", and at a concert he will change places with a strange lady, if she has the best, in the forefront.
He considers it indecent to sit if ladies are standing nearby.	He considers it proper to sit if a lady is already sitting on his lap.
He does not laugh out loud, as excessive gaiety in society is indecent.	He does not laugh out loud, as excessive gaiety at a meeting is fraught.
He tries to avoid well-known witticisms, remembering that "repetition spoils the impression."	He tries to avoid button accordions, remembering that "for flooding, the moderator can slap interest."
Do not smoke in the presence of a lady.	Do not smoke in the presence of mother.
Doesn't eat fast.	Doesn't eat at fast food restaurants.
Sitting down at the table, the gentleman takes off his gloves and covers his knees with a napkin.	Sitting down at the table, he always takes off his headphones, turns off his mobile phone and carefully puts the iPod in the case.
He does not invite a lady to the dance, who quite obviously came to the ball with her beau.	Doesn't invite a lady to the dance, who obviously came to the party with her lady.
When inviting a lady to dance, he approaches her and, bowing gracefully, makes an invitation in the most polite and delicate form, in the form of a compliment. For example: "Let me know which quadrille I may hope to have the honor of dancing with you."	Inviting a lady on a date, he goes to the computer and, sending an elegant emoticon, makes an invitation in the most polite and delicate form, in the form of a compliment. For example: “Preved, beautiful gopher! How about meeting a real hottie?”
He considers it indecent to ask, under any pretext, a fan or flowers from the lady with whom he is dancing.	He considers it indecent to ask, under any pretext, for a passport or a hand and heart from a lady with whom he spent the night.
At the end of the dance, he bows to the lady and brings her to the place or offers to take her to the buffet.	At the end of the date, he kisses the lady on the lips and brings her to a taxi or offers to take her to his house.
Having taken the lady to her place, he considers it right to bow and move away, but not to stay to talk with her.	Having taken the lady to her place, she considers it right to take her leave and move away until her husband appears.
Seeing that the lady who refused to dance with him immediately went to dance with another, he will explain this by her forgetfulness or ignorance of the laws of etiquette, but he will never start a dispute about this.	Seeing that the lady who refused to dance with him immediately went to dance with another, he will explain this using unprintable expressions, but still not remove her from her Facebook friends.
Leaving from the ball, he tries to find the hosts or organizers without fail, in order to say goodbye to thank him for the pleasure he received.	Leaving the party, he tries to find a girl without complexes in a green dress, in order to say goodbye to thank him for the pleasure he has received.
He goes down to the cloakroom after the end of the ball to take outerwear for himself and his lady.	He goes down to the wardrobe to get outerwear for himself and his lady, without waiting for the end of the event, in order to be the first to be in time.
Knows that the ballroom acquaintance outside the hall is invalid, concerns only one evening and its continuation depends entirely on the desire of the lady.	Fully agree with the gentleman of the XIX century!

Sometimes in childhood, little men are praised by adults with the mysterious word "gentleman." Did you help your mom handle a heavy bag or move an old lady across the street? Immediately: "You are a real gentleman!". And this word is pronounced in such a tone that you already consider it a compliment that pleasantly tickles pride.

Over time, additional characteristics and distinguishing marks are added to this foreign word, which creates confusion! Therefore, sometimes a real gentleman is associated with a "real man", "snob", "ladies' man" or even a "lousy intellectual". Today we will destroy these myths and show you a man who lives in the gentleman style.

Speak like a gentleman

Do you think that a gentleman is spherical? a real man» in a vacuum? This is not entirely true, because the "man" will not go into his pocket for a word, and the "gentleman" will do ... the same thing, but stylishly and beautifully.

"Magic Words"

Gentlemen say "please" and "thank you". Always, everyone, under any circumstances: you answer a call from a spammer advertising credits, or you turn to a waiter who is in no hurry to carry an order. Just taste these words right now: “thank you”, “please”, “please”, “thank you”! He said it, and he felt good himself, but what can we say about those around him, who, perhaps, hear this very rarely. The cashier, the waiter and the spammer will not forget you after such “magic words” (although we wish the guy with credits would stop calling you after all).

Don't turn your back on the phone!

Imagine an interesting conversation in which everyone is interested to participate. One relevant joke, the second, a witty remark! You are the real star of the conversation, everything is going well - exactly until the moment when one of the participants in the conversation receives an urgent message on Facebook. Hey! Think about how unpleasant it is to be the loser in an unequal battle with the phone. But gentlemen do not view SMS on a date, do not play snarky birds at a work meeting, and do not go online during a performance or movie, illuminating the dark hall with the bright screen of their smartphone.

How not to be a snob (or at least not show it)?

If a gentleman is not a "man", then he is probably a "snob". It is not true, because the snob claims to be highly intellectual and tasteful, but arrogantly treats the majority. It's a bit un-gentlemanly, so it's best to talk to everyone in a positive way and not be mean. After all, a gentleman remembers the American proverb: “Be polite to everyone. You never know who will be among the twelve jurors.

Behave like a gentleman

So, we have decided that a gentleman is not a "snob". This means that he is a “macho”, who is distinguished by his straightforwardness and pronounced sexual attractiveness. It’s not the same either, because a real gentleman always answers the following two questions correctly.

How to respect your own and others' boundaries?

You can clearly see what foreign borders are in the Italian and German cafes. Italians do not hesitate to sit back to back and feel comfortable in the crowd. The Germans, on the contrary, try to stay as far away from each other as possible so as not to disturb someone else's personal space. A gentleman never forgets that someone is Italian at heart, and someone is somewhat aloof. He is observant and can assess the situation in the company even before he is at the common table. It's simple: if everyone is sitting in a tight circle, then you can move closer to those gathered, and if the interlocutors keep their distance, then you better follow their example.

Who pays in a bar or restaurant?

If you are in a company, by default everyone pays for themselves. Going to dinner with business partner or a potential client, the gentleman will take an amount that will help pay for his own and someone else's order. For what? It is not uncommon for a wealthy person to refer to the absence of banknotes. In such cases, the gentleman pays for two, does not spoil his mood, but draws the appropriate conclusions. If you're on a date, always offer to pay for dinner. Is the lady persistently refusing? Then let her pay her half. You should not do her a favor and take away the account folder with the words “I am pleased to treat you.” You just need to pay and that's it. For more gentlemanly dating tips, see below.

Date like a gentleman

The lady agreed to meet you and knows that you are a gentleman. She wants to feel relaxed in your company, and not break out of the clutches of the "ladies' man". Before you is a pure lady (otherwise, you would not be talking to her now), so she deserves the perfect date.

How to react to being late?

Psychologists say that there are two reactions to being late: wait for the girl and not wait for her. Perhaps the gentleman should stay for a while when the girl is very nervous about being late. At the same time, she asks her to wait and keeps you informed of her movements via SMS: “So, I already got out of the traffic jam. In 5 minutes I will park, ”etc. In general, it demonstrates how important you are to her. But if she is completely apathetic and, in principle, she doesn’t care whether you wait for her or leave, the answer is obvious.

How to deal with a feminist?

The “f” word has already acquired a negative connotation, so men are wary of girls who say on their first date: “I am a feminist!” Here, the main thing is not to make hasty conclusions, this is not very gentlemanly, but to remember that in feminism or little green men everyone believes in their own way. The girl you're on a date with might have her own unique interpretation of feminism. Take a keen interest in her ideology and try to gently figure out what she means by this word and why she considers herself a feminist. Perhaps your views on life will even coincide.

What topics of conversation should be left for a closer acquaintance?

Of course, a true gentleman is sincerely interested in his interlocutor and talks about what she likes. These words are carved in stone a long time ago and are the axiom of relationships. But not everyone is aware of the taboo topics that are recommended to be tactfully avoided for the sake of general peace of mind.

So, on the first date, in addition to the well-known no-nos like politics and religion, you should not start talking about parents (it’s better to ask about brothers and sisters), former lovers (it’s just not worth it), career plans (suddenly she doesn’t have enough stars from the sky now). best method- Carefully probe the ground with leading questions. The fact that the topic is successful, you will notice by the sparkle in the eyes of the girl: it means that this question really interests her - and develop it. And vice versa: even the most harmless topic in your opinion can stir up unpleasant memories and ruin the evening. Try to turn off the curve in time if you notice sad notes in the voice of the interlocutor and do not press if she does not want to continue the topic. As a real gentleman, you should express concern for the lady's experiences, but do not get carried away with drama - it's better to change the subject to something more pleasant. And yes, don't forget about yourself! If a lady is really interested in you, she will also be interested in your views.

Eat like a gentleman

Thousands of books have been written on the topic of table etiquette and a million infographics have been drawn. Boredom to death! After all, a real gentleman is not a “lousy intellectual” who drinks tea with his little finger sticking out. This is a person who comes out of any table situation with dignity.

What to talk about at the table?

The ability to connect quickly and casually is what makes a gentleman a gentleman. It is convenient to perform such tricks at the table using a few simple rules:

1. If you are in big company, try to draw everyone into the conversation, and not just a couple of favorites. Maintain eye contact even with those who are silent.
2. Express your point of view directly and unambiguously. So you motivate the interlocutors to express their opinion and actively express themselves. Yes, not everyone will agree with you, but the conversation will start.
3. Keep a few funny stories in your stash. Everyone loves interesting life situations, told picturesquely and in the first person. By the way, the story may not be yours, but 100% interesting!

How to refuse an exotic dish?

A gentleman should not, out of politeness, choke on all the dishes that are offered to him. You can make such a sacrifice only when visiting your beloved grandmother. But lamb offal haggis, which Scotland is famous for, or an overseas delicacy that hastily crawls out of your plate, are not the most tempting treats. To avoid offense, you can gently ask if there is something completely obvious in the dish. After the answer, it’s immediately disappointed (not happy) to say: “Thanks, but I can’t try. I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to this product."

What is the right way to quit drinking?

You know the joke about the real gentleman who masterfully knows how to refuse and agree to drink at the same time? He says: "Oh, leave!". But seriously, it's better to refer to the friends whom you promised to take home. It is desirable to talk about this in a friendly way, and not irritably. But if the interlocutor continues to insist, the gentleman may well refuse with equivalent pressure. After all, a gentleman is expected to respect not only the interests of others, but also his own.

Do you do this every day? We applaud you! Yes, right now, standing. You are accustomed to behaving like a gentleman, and this is worthy of praise. But if you have something to work with - go for it! It is very pleasant to be a gentleman. We are sure you will love it!