What is friendship essay. Does friendship exist in the modern world. Arguments on the topic "Friendship" for the composition of the exam. Problems of true and false friendship, the role of a friend in a person's life Is every person capable of friendship

Research shows that friendship helps us maintain mental and physical health: improves immunity, maintains normal blood pressure, reduces the risk of dementia in old age, and even the risk of sudden death. But even with the best of friends, communication can suddenly become nauseatingly tense. Journalist Karlin Flora described different types toxic relationships and explained where problems with friends come from and why it's not always a bad thing. T&P publish translation.

Karlin Flora is a journalist and former editor of Psychology Today. She has published in Discover, Scientific American Mind, and others. She is the author of the book Friendfluence, which was published in 2013.

Remember the last time you sat across from best friend and felt that she knows you perfectly and, most importantly, truly understands. Perhaps you have felt that she awakens the best qualities in you, in her presence you succeed in the most sensible remarks and the most witty jokes. She inspired you. She always listened carefully, found hidden patterns in your behavior, and then carefully suggested how you can change everything for the better. You liked to gossip about common acquaintances, from time to time you indulged in memories of joint adventures. You willingly delved into your favorite topics, exchanged half-hints that were barely understandable to others, and easily deciphered meaningful euphemisms in each other's speech. Perhaps you even know the pleasant feeling of admiration for your girlfriend, which was accompanied by a sense of pride from the realization of your similarity with her. The person about whom you had a very high opinion appreciated you mutually - of course, this brought a feeling of deep satisfaction and happiness, literally energized you.

Such friendship fills us with spiritual strength, shapes our personality, and sometimes can change our destiny. These relationships have repeatedly been under the microscope of social scientists - thus it turned out that they help us maintain mental and physical health: good friends improve immunity, stimulate creativity, maintain normal blood pressure, reduce the risk of developing dementia in old age, and even the risk of sudden of death. So if you feel that you cannot live without friends, not only sentimentality speaks in you, but also common sense.

But even the deepest and kindest friendships, like almost any human relationship, can be overshadowed by conflicts, resentments and tensions. It can irretrievably lose charm, it can even completely disappear for some sad reason or for no reason at all. But there are also not so beneficial species friendship: sometimes in a relationship that started on a positive note, conflict grows every day, and in critical cases, friendship can be initially painful, toxic. Good friends make us happy, but even they demand a lot in return. If you look closely, friendship is a much more confusing and ambiguous type of relationship than is commonly thought.

For the first time, harsh reality cast a shadow on the cloudless concept of friendship, when sociologists were convinced that friendly sympathy is mutual only in half of the cases. This information is shocking to many: the same studies claim that we tend to deliberately believe that our friends almost always share our feelings. Can you guess who on your list of friends would not put you on a similar list?

One reason for the imbalance is that friendships are often socially desirable: research among teenagers shows that people who are popular want to be friends, and they are often selective (and thus upset the balance of reciprocity). One recent piece of evidence is an article by Stephen Strogatz in The New York Times published in 2012. According to his observations, our Facebook friends, on average, always have more friends than we do ourselves. And they also say that friendship is salvation from a world obsessed with updating statuses. Here is your salvation!

Scientists also distinguish an ambivalent kind of friendship - mutual dependence and conflicts are inherent in it. If you have such a friend in your life, he simultaneously evokes both positive and negative feelings in you. For example, when you see his name on the smartphone screen, you will think twice before answering the call. This type of relationship is very common. Each of us has a network of socially important contacts, and, according to statistics, there are about 50% of ambivalent characters in it. In fairness, it’s worth saying that these are most often family members, and not friends (after all, you can’t get rid of relatives so easily). Nevertheless, this is yet another stone in the garden of the "spotless" concept of friendship.

But even those friends whom you boldly call faithful, reliable and interesting people can overshadow your life if at least one less attractive one is added to these qualities. Thanks to sociological research, we know very well that a depressed friend is more likely to persuade you to share his depression, an obese friend is more likely to gain excess weight, but with friends who smoke or drink a lot, and you will drink and smoke more.

In some cases, "good" friends develop goals, habits, or values ​​that don't match ours. Of course, these people did nothing wrong to us. But over time, they cease to be part of the group that defines our social identity and / or helps us solve pressing problems. Staying with them, we swim against the current.

Among all the unfortunate effects of conflicting ambivalent friendships is the real harm to our health. In 2003, scientists Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University and Bert Uchino of the University of Utah conducted a collaborative study in which participants were asked to wear a portable blood pressure monitor and record their interactions with people throughout the day. The readings of the devices claimed that blood pressure during communication with ambivalent friends was higher than during truly friendly and even outright hostile communication. This is probably due to the fact that such relationships are largely unpredictable, and therefore force us to be on the alert all the time: “Is Jane going to ruin everyone's Christmas Eve again?” In addition, ambivalent relationships are associated with such unpleasant phenomena as reactivity disorders. of cardio-vascular system, premature cellular aging, low levels of stress resistance and a general deterioration in well-being.

However, in one case, researchers of ambivalent friendship came up with unexpected results: it turned out that it has a positive effect on the work process. As scientists have found, ambivalent colleagues tend to put themselves in the place of another more often than usual - in part because in such relationships there is always a place of uncertainty and a person tries to understand what they really are. In addition, ambivalent friendships add insecurity, which in turn makes people work harder to gain a foothold in their position.

Pseudo-friends, or friend-enemies, is another kind of conflicting relationship between people. But in this case, contrasting feelings are neatly layered on top of each other: friendliness over rivalry or hostility, in contrast to the ambivalent connection with its explosive cocktail of love, hate, irritation, pity, affection, disgust, tenderness and a couple of other unpredictable ingredients. Many of us know firsthand the powerful motivating power that comes with having such a friend-foe in the office, not to mention romantic or parent-child relationship, in which this force can become destructive.

Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, and the same is true of unhappy friendships: there are countless reasons why a friend might be "unfavorable" to you. A couple of American researchers delved into this topic - Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist from Denver, and Sharon Livingston, a psychologist and marketing consultant from New York. Here typical signs the “unfavorable” friendships they were able to discover: a bad friend makes you feel competitive with other friends; she talks about herself much more often than you; she allows herself to criticize you from above, but immediately becomes defensive if you criticize her in return; during communication, you get the feeling that you are walking on thin ice because at any moment you can provoke a flash of her anger or disapproval; the relationship is dominated by the so-called emotional swing: today she can be sympathetic and friendly, and the next day she pulls back and behaves as if you barely know each other.

In 2014, researchers at Carnegie Mellon University (Pittsburgh) found an interesting correlation while studying social life healthy women over 50 years old. It turned out that if the volume of negative episodes in their relationships with others increased, their risk of developing hypertension also increased. Negative social interactions - for example, overwhelming demands and criticism from others, disappointments, "exchange of pleasantries" - led to the fact that the appearance hypertension the subjects became 38% more likely. But in men, no connection was found between negative communication and high blood pressure. This is probably due to the fact that women in general are more concerned about relationships between people and are socially predisposed to pay more attention to them.

Negative communication also contributes to the occurrence of inflammatory processes in the body - both in women and in men. Such data was obtained in the course of her research by Jessica Chiang, a researcher at the University of California (Los Angeles). According to her findings, accumulated social stressors, like real toxins, can cause physical harm to a person.

Those friendships that are destined to be the most painful in our lives often start on a positive note and only then turn into a nightmare. For example, a recent study among teenagers found that people with a past friendship were 4.3 times more likely to express mutual aggression online than just acquaintances. In other words, sociological statistics agree with Diane de Poitiers (favorite of the French King Henry II), who, as far back as the 16th century, stated: “To have a worthy enemy, choose a friend: he knows where to strike.”

Another slippery slope that friendship can take unexpectedly, was described by writer Robert Greene in his book 48 Laws of Power. Friendly help in finding a job, he warns, can lead to the fact that your relationship will gradually turn from good to harmful. This is due, in particular, to the peculiarities of the emotional reaction provoked by such serious favors.

Oddly enough, it is an act of your kindness that can throw a relationship out of balance. People want to feel that their success is deserved. A friendly favor can cause depressing thoughts: “What if I was chosen only because of my connections? Perhaps I am not worthy of this place at all? A condescending attitude, which is easy to suspect in a sympathetic friend, can seriously hurt self-esteem. The trauma will not immediately make itself felt, but gradually there will be more rude directness in the relationship, outbursts of discontent and envy will appear - and before you have time to understand something, the friendship will end.

“So what - directness and disinterested help can destroy true friendship?” - you ask. On the one hand, this statement challenges the ideals of absolute openness and boundless generosity - the necessary attributes of sincere friendly affection. But on the other hand, it seems that this is where the key to unraveling is hidden, why friendship can be both favorable, and ambivalent, and harmful, and even move from one state to another.

In his paper "The Evolution of Reciprocal Altruism" published in 1971, evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers summed it up: "Each individual tends to show a tendency to behave both altruistically and cheating." Cheating here refers to the conscious intention to give at least a little less within the relationship or take at least a little more than our friend would take or give in a similar situation.

Trivers explains that evolution has made us clever, sly crooks. The complex mechanism of our psyche helps us detect those who cheat too openly and notice when we ourselves become too generous. Trivers writes:

“A rude crook will not reciprocate, and an altruist will receive absolutely nothing as a reward for his generosity ... Obviously, in this case natural selection will be extremely negative towards the crook. Crafty cheating, on the other hand, involves a certain degree of reciprocity. This art is to give less than you receive - or, more precisely, to give less than the partner would give in the opposite situation.

Perhaps it is this balance between selfishness and altruism, which averages close to 50/50, that explains many of the other 50% rates that crop up in research on friendships. Let's remember: only 50% of friends have mutual sympathy, our social networks are 50% composed of ambivalent relationships. Even the average person is able to recognize a lie only 50% of the time. Evolution has made us sharp enough not to let ourselves be fooled, but at the same time saved us from the inevitable torments that life in a world of absolute harsh truth would bring with it. So we have a loophole for compliments and white lies. Similarly, we are able to detect cheating on the part of friends, but still not very virtuoso, otherwise we would risk completely losing faith in people and any desire to maintain friendships. Nature has kept the perfect balance - 50/50.

Psychologist Jan Jaeger conducted a survey for his book When Friendship Hurts (2002) and found that 68% of respondents had experienced betrayal by their friends. Who are these heartless traitors? Why are there so many? However, with the figure of 68% - maybe not “them”, but “us”?

This frightening thought made me wonder: do we really make an effort to forgive small offenses? Express dissatisfaction before it builds up and forces you to end the relationship forever? Find time for a long-awaited meeting? Recognize the right of another person not to agree with us on everything? Are we really trying to give generously rather than keep score? Do we pressure our friends with our unjustified expectations? Is it true that we do our best to keep our friendship? Well, maybe most of our friends feel the same way about themselves. And if they're unfriendly or we're pulled apart by the natural course of life, maybe we should accept that and not label relationships as toxic that we just don't want to have anymore.

When a relationship ends at the initiative of a friend or they disappear from our lives without any explanation, it can be excruciatingly painful. And although it is no secret that the circle of social contacts narrows as we grow older, we still somehow believe that friendship is forever. The breakup of friendships forces us to rethink our own vision of life and our own personality, especially if a friend has been around for many years. As the fresh wound throbs with pain, we hasten to brand him or her as a traitor.

But sometimes we have to leave a friend to become ourselves. In her book Connecting in College (2016), sociology professor Janice McCabe states that breaking friendships early in life is an important part of personal development. We inevitably form our individuality and self-consciousness based on our environment: either we strive for certain people, or we start from them.

While we all need to take a look at our friendly behavior and acknowledge our responsibility for the conflicts that sometimes arise in a relationship, there are still aspects of friendship that are beyond our control. For example, a large number of mutual friends and acquaintances can become a cornerstone in an ambiguous situation. Let's say your friend has crossed the line, but you don't want to disturb your whole company with your conflict and therefore do not publicly announce that you no longer want to do business with her. You just move away from her, but gently, so as not to cause an open confrontation and not force mutual acquaintances to choose each time which of you to invite to visit. In such cases, we remain chained to "bad" friends forever.

The laws that dictate to us with whom to remain close and whom to let go of ourselves sometimes remain a mystery even to ourselves. Think about it: do you have acquaintances who are very nice to you, but whom you have not seen for several years? And vice versa: are there in the closest circle of those with whom you actually never found mutual language? Perhaps the former are putting you on their list of "bad" friends at this very moment.

Faced with toxic friendships, painful breakups and disappointments, we experience tremendous stress that can harm us not only psychologically, but even physically. But you must admit that not having friends at all is an even sadder fate. A child will always desperately look for a partner to play with, a teenager - someone who "really understands", and an adult - someone with whom you can sincerely share the joy of success and the bitterness of failure.

Loneliness can cause the same torment as hunger or thirst. John Cacioppo, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, has found a link between loneliness and problems such as depression, obesity, alcoholism, cardiovascular problems, sleep disorders, hypertension, early development Alzheimer's disease, as well as a cynical view of the world and. So as long as you have problems with friends, you can consider yourself lucky: at least it means that you have friends.

Official Commentary Direction aims at reasoning about the value of human friendship, about ways to achieve mutual understanding between individuals, their communities and even entire nations, as well as about the origins and consequences of enmity between them. The content of many literary works is associated with the warmth of human relations or the hostility of people, with the development of friendship into enmity or vice versa, with the image of a person who is able or not able to appreciate friendship, who knows how to overcome conflicts or sows enmity.

Guidelines The proposed direction can be considered in different aspects: friendship between people, the meaning and value of friendly relations in human life; friendship and enmity between human communities and generations; friendship or enmity between peoples and the consequences of hostile relations; friendship between man and animal, etc. The very concept of "friendship" is one of the fundamental in the human worldview and in the system of human values. This confirms the abundance of proverbs and sayings dedicated to friendship, aphorisms and catchphrases. Starting reflection on the topic proposed in this direction, students can build their reasoning based on statements and definitions known to them.

Conceptual processing In the dictionary of S. I. Ozhegov, the following interpretation of the words "friendship" and "enmity" is given: HATE - relationships and actions imbued with hostility, hatred (Irreconcilable hostility; nourish hostility). FRIENDSHIP - close relations based on mutual trust, affection, common interests (Long-standing friendship; friendship of peoples). In the dictionary of antonyms, these words are presented as an antonymic pair. Dictionaries of synonyms include the following synonymous series: Synonyms for the word FRIENDSHIP - friendship, friendliness, goodwill, harmony, peace, consent, familiarity, short acquaintance, twinning, (good) friendliness, amikoshonstvo, love, fraternization, unity, communication; friendship is sincere, hypocritical, canine, close. Do something for friendship. To be in friendship, to make friendship, to break friendship, to reduce friendship. Synonyms of the word HATE - antagonism, malice, hostility, dislike, hatred, hostility, discord, unfriendliness, discord. Have a grudge against someone. Feed enmity.

What problems can sound in the wording of the topics in the direction of "Friendship and Enmity". These problems are indicated in the commentary to the direction

1. List of works by A. Pushkin "Dubrovsky"; "Eugene Onegin" ; "The Captain's Daughter", poems about friendship. 2. M. Lermontov "Hero of our time"; poetry. 3. I. Turgenev "Fathers and Sons". 4. I. Goncharov "Oblomov". 5. L. Tolstoy "War and Peace". 6. B. Pasternak "Doctor Zhivago". 7. M. Bulgakov "The White Guard". 8. M. Sholokhov "Quiet Don". 9. N. Dumbadze "I, grandmother, Iliko and Illarion"; "I see the sun". 10. V. Kaverin "Two captains". 11. A. Pristavkin “A golden cloud spent the night”. 12. Y. Bondarev "Coast". 13. O. Gromova "Sugar Child". 14. E. M. Remarque "Three comrades".

Possible Essay Themes Is it true that life is nothing without true friendship? “My friends, our union is beautiful” (A. Pushkin) When can enmity turn into friendship? “There is nothing better and more pleasant in the world than friendship: to exclude friendship from life is the same as depriving the world of sunshine” (Cicero) Is it possible to love friends for their shortcomings? “You are forever responsible for everyone you have tamed” (A. de Saint-Exupery) Is every person capable of friendship? What qualities does friendship reveal in a person? Friend vs Buddy - What's the difference?

Possible essay topics “The most important thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive” (V. P. Nekrasov) Is it true that life is nothing without true friendship? “Hurt a friend - you will make an enemy, hug an enemy - you will find a friend” (Omar Khayyam) Do not be afraid of enemies attacking you. Beware of friends flattering you! Why does hostility arise between relatives? Do you agree with Pechorin's statement that "of two friends, one is always the slave of the other"? There are no bad nations - there are bad people… Friend is known in trouble?

Aphorisms and sayings of famous people Only a true friend can tolerate his friend's weaknesses. W. Shakespeare Everything will pass - and the grain of hope will not rise, Everything that you have accumulated will be lost for a penny. If you do not share in time with a friend - All your property will go to the enemy. Omar Khayyam Fulfilling the duties of friendship is somewhat more difficult than admiring it. Lessing Friendship must be a solid thing, capable of surviving all changes in temperature and all shocks of that bumpy road along which efficient and decent people make their life journey. AI Herzen People on earth should be friends... I don't think that it is possible to force all people to love a friend, but I would like to destroy the hatred between people. Isaac Asimov Friendship is like a treasury: it is impossible to draw more from it than you put into it. Osip Mandelstam

Friendship between people, the meaning and value of friendly relations in human life In Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin's poem dedicated to the Lyceum ("Memoirs in Tsarskoye Selo"), the concept of "friendship", which the poet repeatedly uses, has an even broader meaning than "friendship". This concept is a special circle of friends, which, "like a soul, is inseparable and eternal", these are like-minded poets - that force that, in spite of everything, is able to support a person in the most difficult, sometimes seemingly insurmountable, life trials. We can see this in such poems as “I. I. Pushchin", "October 19, 1825", "To Chaadaev", "To Yazykov", "In the depths of Siberian ores...". In these works, a person who is part of the "poetic brotherhood" is ready for self-sacrifice, understanding and forgiveness in any situation, but isn't this an example of boundless friendship and devotion?

Alexander Sergeevich presents his attitude to the partnership to the reader through the images of the heroes of the novel "Eugene Onegin". Two "friends", Onegin and Lensky, in their communication show us that a friend is a very ambiguous and contradictory concept. In the end, we even begin to doubt whether Evgeny and Vladimir are friends or enemies. In the dialogues of the characters, the presence of the author is felt, he is not a simple silent observer, he is a direct participant in the events, we catch his attitude to friendship in the conversations of the characters. The friendship of Onegin and Lensky happened, according to Pushkin himself, "there is nothing to do." Indeed, they were completely opposite in character, with different life experiences, with different aspirations.

Mikhail Yuryevich Lermontov also tells us about a peculiar and exclusive attitude to friendship through the lips of the lyrical heroes of his poems. The main motive of this poet's work is loneliness. It is not easy for the characters of his lyrics to realize their detachment from the world, their eternal oblivion in the world of loneliness. But still, the hero is ready to come to terms with his fate, realizing that he will not be able to find his like-minded people among the people around him. The theme of friendship also sounds in the novel A Hero of Our Time. Is friendship possible in Pechorin's life, and how does the main character understand it? “Friendship, friendship,” we read from V. Dahl in “The Explanatory Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language”, “the mutual affection of two or more people, their close connection; in a good sense, disinterested, steadfast affection, based on love and respect ... ”We see such affection in the ingenuous staff captain - the first to tell us about Pechorin. Despite the fact that Maksimych considers him a strange person and clearly does not approve of what Grigory is doing with Bela, he is attached to Pechorin and considers him his friend: “We were friends”, “were bosom friends”. Maksim Maksimych's ideas are not justified.

The theme of friendship is most clearly revealed in "A Hero of Our Time" in relations with Werner. Perhaps Pechorin could have become friends with the doctor, they are so similar in many ways. From the moment Werner and Pechorin "distinguished a friend in the crowd", their relationship for others reminds her so much. "Werner is a wonderful person", the main character knows the strengths and weaknesses of the doctor perfectly. What brought the two together? “We are rather indifferent to everything, except ourselves”, “we soon understood each other and became friends”. But are they capable of friendship? Grigory denies true friendships, friendship does not exist in Pechorin's life, because it requires self-forgetfulness, openness, trust - all that the protagonist of the novel does not have. He says that “of two friends, one is always the slave of the other,” and, quite possibly, this is not a conviction, but a desire to hide the inability to let anyone into your heart.

In the epic novel "War and Peace" friendship appears before us as one of the most important values ​​in life. We see the friendship of Nikolai Rostov and Denisov, Natasha and Princess Mary, Andrei Bolkonsky and Pierre Bezukhov. The relationship between the last two characters is most deeply explored by the writer. Despite the difference in characters and temperaments, we see the intellectual commonality of these people, their similar attitude to life. Prince Andrei and Pierre are characterized by internal reflection, the eternal search for truth, the meaning of life. They support each other in moments of spiritual crises. So, Bolkonsky worries about Pierre when he starts to revel in the company of Dolokhov. Pierre, on the other hand, supports Prince Andrei after the death of his wife and his disappointment in "his Toulon". It is Pierre who tells him that "one must live, one must love, one must believe." Thus, friendship and love, according to the writer, is something worth living for.

In the novel Oblomov, I. A. Goncharov created images of two people, each of whom is in many ways a typical representative of a certain circle of people, an exponent of ideas that were close to the corresponding strata of contemporary society. Andrey Stolts and Ilya Oblomov, at first glance, seem to have nothing in common, except for memories of childhood games. And yet, no matter how these characters of Goncharov's novel are assessed, it is impossible to deny that they are connected by sincere, disinterested friendship. Their sincere, warm attitude to a friend is rooted in the fact that both Stolz and Oblomov are inherently worthy people, endowed with many high spiritual qualities. They are necessary for a friend, because they so successfully complement a friend, they find in each other what is not in themselves.

A. Saint-Exupery speaks about friendship right on the first page of his fairy tale “The Little Prince” - in dedication. In the author's system of values, the theme of friendship occupies one of the main places. Only friendship can melt the ice of loneliness and alienation, as it is based on mutual understanding, mutual trust and mutual assistance. On earth, the Little Prince learns the real truth that the Fox revealed to him: people can be not only indifferent and alienated, but also needed by a friend, and someone for someone can be the only one in the whole world, and a person’s life “is like the sun will light up” if something will remind you of a friend, and this will also be happiness.

The theme of friendship and enmity in the war The names of many poems by K. Simonov speak for themselves: “Fellow soldiers”, “Comrade”, “Death of a friend”, “To a distant friend”, “House of friends”, “My friend died ...”, “Friendship the real one doesn’t age…” In the works of K. Simonov, a kind of poetic image of friendship was created, its moral code, demanding, but true friendship, the one that “does not sway from the winds during life, ends with the death of one of the two” . In A. Tvardovsky's poem "Vasily Terkin" and in many of the poet's lyrical works, the theme of friendship, responsibility for comrades, and memory sounds. The theme of the importance of friendship, testing friendship in difficult circumstances, the needs of a person in a true friend are heard in many poems by V. Vysotsky: “Not everyone got into our close circle ...”, “So the paths suddenly parted”, “If somewhere in someone else's unfamiliar night ... "," Song of a friend "," He did not return from the battle ". The problem of front-line brotherhood, comradeship, friendship sounds in the stories of N. Gogol "Taras Bulba", B. Vasiliev "The dawns here are quiet ...", M. Sholokhov "They fought for their homeland", etc.

The theme of friendship between man and animal Man's relationship with nature and its objects can be harmonious, complementary, or destructive, and only man is to blame for this. In many works of Russian and foreign literature, the theme of friendship between man and animal is touched upon. G. N. Troepolsky "White Bim Black Ear". A.P. Chekhov "Kashtanka". A. I. Kuprin "White Poodle" Daniel Pennak "The Eye of the Wolf".

The theme of enmity and its consequences The antithesis to the theme of friendship is the theme of enmity and its destructive consequences in Russian and world literature. Enmity is destructive both for individuals and for entire nations. A piercing note sounds the thought of the senselessness and uselessness of enmity and war in the epic novel by L. N. Tolstoy "War and Peace", in "Don stories" and "Quiet Don" by M. A. Sholokhov, the novel "Defeat" by A. A. Fadeev . There is nothing more senseless than enmity between people, no matter how lofty ideas it may be justified.

The story of A. I. Pristavkin “A golden cloud spent the night” about the terrible consequences of the Stalinist deportation of the inhabitants of Chechen Ingushetia to foreign lands - to Siberia, Kazakhstan. The work is devoted to the theme of military childhood, homelessness, deportation of peoples under Stalin. The main idea is that you cannot build the happiness of one people on the misfortune of another. Sasha Kuzmin, one of the twins, is killed by Chechens who managed to escape Siberian exile and hide in the mountains. These people are taking revenge on those who now occupy their homes and cultivate their land. This sore subject - the tragedy of the deported peoples - vibrates in the book of A. I. Pristavkin with a special sound. But in spite of hate and death simple people ready to help and support a friend. So, in Kolka's heart, the place of the murdered brother Sashka was taken by the Chechen boy Alkhuzur. Adults fight among themselves - children fraternize! A. Pristavkin tells about saving, uniting, helping to survive in incredibly difficult conditions in his story.

Enmity has never been creative, has not resolved either personal or global human problems. In The Tale of Igor's Campaign, Svyatoslav utters the "golden word", condemning Igor and Vsevolod, who violated feudal obedience, which aroused enmity, led to a new attack of the Polovtsy on Russian lands. A. S. Pushkin in the story "Dubrovsky" casually thrown word led to enmity and many troubles for former neighbors.The hostile envious attitude of Shvabrin more than once threatened the life of Peter Grinev, the hero of The Captain's Daughter... In Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, the family feud ended in the death of the main characters.

Summing up the analysis of the works presented in this direction, it is worth noting once again that friendship is a type of stable, individually selective relationship. interpersonal relationships characterized by sympathy and mutual affection. Friendship implies mutual understanding, frankness, openness, trust, active mutual assistance, interest in the affairs and experiences of a friend, sincerity and selflessness of feelings. The strength of friendship depends on the commonality of goals, interests, ideals, intentions, value orientations. Friendship is especially characteristic of adolescence. Friendship is constructive in nature, while its opposite, enmity, is destructive and destructive.

sources http: //7 oom. ru/powerpoint/fon-dlya-prezentacii-bloknot-07. jpg sheets https://www. google. en/search? q=%D 0%B 5%D 0%B 3%D 1%8 D&newwindow=1&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0 ah. UKEwj. O 5 t 7 kk. KDPAh. XKEyw. KHc 7s. BIQ_AUICSg. C&biw=1352&bih=601#newwindow=1&tbm=isch&q=%D 0%B 5%D 0%B 3%D 1%8 D+%D 0%BB%D 0%BE%D 0%B 3%D 0% BE%D 1%82%D 0%B 8%D 0%BF&imgrc=Qh. IRugc 5 LIJ 5 EM%3 A http: //www. uon. astrakhan. ru/images/Gif/7 b 0 d 3 ec 2 cece. gif compass http: //4. b.p. blogspot. com/-DVEvd. RWM 3 Ug/Vi-Nn. LSuu. XI/AAAAGPA/28 b. VRUfkv. Kg/s 1600/essay-clipart-24-08-07_04 a. jpg student http: //effects 1. ru/png/kartinka/4/kniga/1/kniga_18 -320. png books Guidelines for preparing for writing the final essay in 2016/2017 academic year for teachers of the Russian language and literature - Stavropol, 2016. - 46 p. Presenter of the presentation teacher of the Russian language and literature MBOU secondary school No. 8, Mozdok, North Ossetia-Alania Pogrebnyak N. M.

Friendship is not just an emotional attachment, it is a close relationship based on trust and sincerity. I believe that a true friend will not deceive you under any circumstances. He will find the strength to tell the truth, even if it is not easy for him to do so. I can support my point of view with concrete examples.

An essay about friendship

There are not many things in the world that are eternal. After all, gold, precious jewelry, exquisite clothes, expensive cars and houses - all these are false, temporary values. Over time, they depreciate, break, deteriorate, cease to be fashionable. But among the eternal, true values, three things can be named. It is faith, love and friendship. « A true friend is the greatest treasure», « a true friend is known in trouble"- how often do we hear these proverbs, but how rarely do we think about their real meaning.

It's very hard to find these days true friend. Yes, each of us has many friends, whom I call one-day butterflies. They are ready to go to the cinema or cafe with you, help you spend money in fashion boutiques, laugh at a joke. But these friends will never support you in difficult times. Why should they Friend who needs to be helped, who needs to be consoled, wasting his time? They better go with others, the lucky ones friends to the cinema. And they don't care about losers.

And here a true friend will never leave you in trouble. No matter what happens, no matter what trouble knocks on your door, a friend will always be there, always ready to help, support, comfort. He is ready to sacrifice his time, money and even his life for you. This is what is real friendship, which is an eternal and expensive thing in life. And therefore, as a very valuable thing, it must be protected and cherished.

Composition on the theme of friendship | March 2015

An essay about What is friendship? 9-11 grade

Every person needs a friend - a person close to you in spirit, someone with whom it is interesting to spend time. A friend is that person who will support you in sorrow and in joy, who will always try to help with advice and deed.

But do all of us know how to be friends? And generally speaking - what is true friendship? It happens that two people constantly communicate, spend a lot of time together, but one of them has a misfortune or joy, and there is no strong friendship.

Such people are usually said to have failed the test. One of them was afraid of the troubles of the other, did not want to interfere, worry ... And it happens even worse - one friend began to envy the other: his successes, joys, victories ... No wonder they say that true friendship is tested not so much by misfortune as by joy.

So what is it in my opinion real friendship? I think it should be tested over the years. When people have been friends for many years, they have gone through a lot together and passed the “strength test”. A true friend, I think, wishes you only the best, tries in every possible way to help, to make your life better. This does not mean that he always says only pleasant things to you, not at all! On the contrary, a real friend can tell, one of the few, the whole truth in person, open your eyes to something, show where you were wrong. After all, it is very important to stop in time or direct in the right direction, to help understand your mistakes.

Of course, friendship is a two-way concept. Two people should equally value their relationship, protect it, try to save it. And then in my mind friendship will be really strong and durable.

Composition What is friendship for grades 9, 10, 11 | March 2015

An essay about Real friendship 6-8 grade

If true friendship was not, then pogrom and war reigned all over the world ... But true friendship at the present time is a rare occurrence. You can appear to be your best friend, but not be one. True friendship is, first of all, the confidence that the person you consider your friend will not leave or betray in difficult times, will keep secret what you told him. This is the most important thing in true friendship for me! A real friend will never advise anything bad, and will try to do everything to make you feel better.

Yes, there will always be someone on earth who can be named true friend. Throughout your life, you will overcome difficult obstacles in your path together, you will do everything together. A true friend is forever, no matter what happens! Even if fate separates you, then pleasant memories of this person will remain in your heart!

There are two people in my life that I can proudly name real friends are ____ and _____. No matter what happens, they always helped me in difficult times, gave good advice. I am truly grateful to them for the fact that they are on earth! I will always remember that there were such girls!

Composition True friendship for grades 6, 7, 8 | March 2015

essay about friendship 8-11 grade

What is friendship? Each person understands its significance in life in their own way: for some it is an understanding, for others it is an opportunity to spend their free time in an exciting and unforgettable way. For me, friendship is, first of all, a feeling of support for a loved one and a firm belief that he will come to the rescue in difficult times. A true friend does not know how to envy, offend or hurt: social status is not important for him, he is close to you in spirit and understands perfectly.

It is not necessary that a true friend agreed with your every point of view: it is much more valuable that he supports you, even if he does not agree with your views on life. A true friend may criticize, but will never lie out of flattery or deliberately humiliate. The secrets that you share with a friend remain only between the two of you, and this appreciates and tests the sincerity of a person’s true attitude towards you.

Friendship timeless, and emotions in communication with a friend do not change: even many years later, people have common topics for conversation, reverent memories and common values ​​in life. A friend is able to forgive you not only minor oversights, but also serious mistakes and will never reproach you for your mistakes. A true friend is the person with whom you will never get bored and who will not let you get bored.

And in joy and in sorrow, only a devoted and faithful friend should be next to us. But is it possible in the modern world, where it is full of temptations and temptations, to sincerely experience true friendship?

In my opinion, friendship is the only feeling that pretense is not subject to: it does not tolerate lies and masks. With a true friend, a person does not need to hide his character traits, possible shortcomings and impersonate someone who you really are not.

It seems to me that our generation misunderstands the truth of true friendship. Many of my peers call friends of people whom they have known for a short time, whom they still cannot trust, but already call them almost brothers and sisters. Friendship is tested not only over the years, but also through trials that a person meets throughout his life.

The basic principle of friendship is loyalty. Trust only strengthens friendship, and the confidence that a person will not betray you will support - proof of true friendship.

It is important to understand that a friend is not an ideal person: He can make mistakes and ridiculous things. The main thing is that a friend should be able not only to forgive, but also not to harbor evil.

Essay about friendship for grades 8-11 | March 2015

Mini-essay on the topic Friendship

Option 1. (grade 5-7) Is it possible to live without friendship? No, without friendship our life would not be complete. But only if we mean true friendship, and not one that is built on selfish communication. True friendship is devotion, mutual sympathy, common interests. It is not for nothing that the proverb “A friend is known in trouble” exists. Friendship is when you are ready to come to the rescue at any time, share troubles and sorrows with your comrade. A friend will never gossip behind your back. A true friend will be able to say "no" and will always be by your side. Is this not true friendship? True friendship knows no distance and will always stand the test of time.

Option 2. (grades 6-8) What is friendship? This is joy! Great joy from communication! The joy of the fact that there is a person close to you who will help with advice, will always listen and will certainly support you in everything. Only he can be completely trusted. Only from him you can listen to criticism in your address without offense. True friendship, like true love, is a rare phenomenon. But if it is still there, then it is necessary to protect it, like the apple of an eye. After all, losing a friend, we lose a particle of ourselves. And we must always remember that it is easy to lose it, but insanely difficult to find it. And the older we get, the harder it gets. I have a friend! And that means I happy man. So I'm not alone. And he too. And together - the sea is knee-deep, together we will solve any problems, and we will not be afraid of any difficulties and hardships. After all, we are Friends!

Option 3. (grades 5-9) What is friendship? Friendship is, first of all, helping a close friend, mutual understanding. Man cannot live without friendship. After all, he needs to communicate, develop. With friends, all things go quickly, because you can talk with them, ask for help. Someone's friends are a classmate or a classmate, someone has a neighbor from the yard. And for me friends it my ! I am very interested in them, and they always help me. Friendship is different. Someone has been friends since childhood, someone met at school. But it doesn’t matter what kind of friendship and with whom you are friends, because we are a single whole, we are a family, and we must be together. There is no such person on Earth who does not have best friend. And I'm sure friendship is in second place after parents. Make friends with friends, be kind to them and you will be happy!

mini essay about friendship for grades 5-9 | March 2015

Essay about friendship

Each of us knows how difficult it is for a person alone, and we are looking for friendship. Most often, we subconsciously try to make friends with people of a cheerful disposition, witty, kind, sympathetic. Over time, we endow these qualities with those whom we consider friends. But life is not always carefree, sometimes you need help. So who to turn to, if not to friends. And that's when it turns out who's real Friend and who is so familiar to spend leisure time together. Is it possible to understand in advance who will be your true friend? Perhaps, but it's not that easy. But, in my opinion, there are several traits required for friendship.

First, they say friendship happens between equals, but between a slave and a master it does not exist.

Secondly, friendship happens between good people. For evil deeds good people incapable. No wonder there is a saying; tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are.

Apparently, this topic is really relevant, if there are so many thoughts about friendship. So in the literature, this topic is one of the leading ones. Panas Mirny wrote about the friendship between Grigory and Chipka in his novel “Do oxen roar when the manger is full?” They knew each other since childhood, but until Chipka became rich, they were just friends. When Chipka gained weight in society and he got money, Grigory became his close friend. He invited Chipka to be his godfather, hoping for rich gifts from him. But whether he was a true friend, the reader will see later. When the rebel Chipka was beaten by soldiers and he called for help, his so-called friend Grigory simply hid behind the fence so that it would not touch him. And he didn't feel sorry for Chipka at all, just as he didn't feel sorry for anyone at all, except for himself.

To go out, they say the truth that it creates friends, and misfortune tests them. In life, a person always finds like-minded people, people who are close in spirit and way of life. Indeed, there are so many people around, but only a few friends. What do we want in relationships with other people? Sincerity, warmth, indifference. Why would another person take such good care of you? Because friendship is a mutual concept, unlike love. If you want to be taken care of, be ready to take care of a friend in the same way. It turns out that necessary condition friendship is - don't be selfish. To understand this in time means to deprive yourself of disappointments, self-blame. How often do you hear from some that, they say, they do not have friends, they are lonely ... Most often this is true, but has anyone ever wondered why this is so? It seems that we are forgetting that we must be ready to give, and not just take.

Friendship- this is a feeling of sincere desire to give warmth and hope. That's just to find among the many people of the same sincere friend who would think the same way. And check it out - it's not easy. There are many examples of sincere friendship in literature. The images of Niz and Euryal from the poem "Aeneid" by I. Kotlyarevsky became a symbol of friendship, because these people were ready to sacrifice their lives for a friend. No less noble were the relations of the heroin of P. Kulish's novel "The Black Rada", and from it we learned how the Cossacks knew how to make friends, and how mutual assistance united them both in battle and in life. Therefore, Kirill Tur called his friend Chernogor a brother. In relations with other Cossacks, Kirill Tur was guided by custom and did as his noble heart prompted him.

Composition on the theme of friendship | February 2015

Did not you find what you were looking for? here's another

In the Moscow studio of our TV channel, an employee of the Synodal Department for Cooperation with the Armed Forces and Law Enforcement Agencies, Priest Alexander Terpugov.

Today's theme is friendship. What is friendship, how does it differ from friendships, acquaintances, camaraderie?

In my opinion, friendly relations, and even more so acquaintance, are some superficial, only nascent relationships. Of course, both acquaintance and friendship can develop into friendship. And they may not outgrow. But, in my opinion, friendship is a kind of unity, unity in views, tastes, judgments. And of course, faith is at the head of everything.

What does Scripture say about friendship?

When I was preparing for the transmission, I read it, and it turned out that the word "friend" and its derivatives are repeated 116 times in the Bible. These references indirectly contain the criteria of friendship. This is especially evident in parables. The seventeenth parable: “a friend loves at all times,” that is, if you paraphrase, then love is not in time, it does not stop. One can draw parallels here with the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the holy apostle Paul, which speaks of love. This is the main thing, probably, it all depends on it. A friend is more attached than a brother, a friend is even more faithful to a person than a relative by blood. “Sweet is every friend with heartfelt advice,” that is, mercy and help to a friend are obligatory here. “Having a friend, he will come to him at midnight” - you can come to a friend at any time, and he will not kick you out. That is it complicated relationship especially in our modern life. The bar for friendship is so high. Therefore, probably, now you rarely meet true friendship. Of course, the most striking example here is the Gospel of John, chapter 15, verse 13: "There is no greater love than if a man lay down his life for his friends."

- Here it is “for friends” - not for brothers, not for relatives.

Yes exactly. Probably, friendship is tested precisely in some extreme situations. And it is not in vain that our wise people say: you need to eat a pound of salt together in order to understand what another person is like.

- Friend is known in trouble.

- Did you have similar situations when friendship was tested?

Yes they were. One of them left a very strong impression. I did not even expect such self-sacrifice. Thirty years ago I was a professional sailor. We disembarked on an unequipped shore. It was somewhere in the north (either on the Ob, or somewhere else). It so happened that our all-terrain vehicle sat on its belly. You probably know that in the north, when it's cold, there is such a phenomenon as sludge - when snow floats in the water. Our all-terrain vehicle sat on this "pillow", so that we could neither go to the ship nor go back. I was the eldest. He took a hook and crawled along this quagmire to the shore in order to call people and bring a cable. And suddenly my friend, friend Andryusha, followed me. It was easier for me because I had a hock. Putting it on this sludge, you could somehow hold on. So we, falling through, crawled, I tried to force him to return to the all-terrain vehicle, but he said: no, you alone cannot. I really appreciated it, I pray for him. True, it so happened that our paths diverged. I do not know where he is now, but I pray for him constantly.

The second case when I was struck by such self-sacrifice of people was when I served as a military priest in the Caucasus. One battalion commander told how, as a young lieutenant, a platoon commander in the first Chechen war, he pulled out wounded soldiers and carried them through a minefield. Of course, this was the highest manifestation of love. As this now lieutenant colonel said (he was a few years ago, now, perhaps, already a colonel), he did not think that he would die, that there might be an explosion. He carried seven soldiers. The Lord showed him a miracle: when he endured the latter, seven explosions were heard simultaneously. Such a strengthening in faith he had! At the same time, I was struck by the self-sacrifice he showed. In our time, this is quite rare, because the times are the last, people are weak.

- Is every person capable of friendship, or are there some qualities that are incompatible with friendship?

Probably everyone, provided that he knows you and in any case tries to show love. After all, it turns out that friendship is a manifestation of love, and necessarily sacrificial love. The Lord blessed the Apostle Paul to write that love is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, that is, its own self-interest. In this case, of course, the main obstacle to friendship is, most likely, the search for one's self-interest, when a person is looking for his own. Sometimes it happens that a person looks like ivy. There is a plant in the south that wraps around a tree. It grows nearby, feeds on it, clings to it, hangs on it, and eventually destroys the tree. Probably, if we still show true love then we will succeed if we pray and ask the Lord to strengthen us.

- Is obsession compatible with friendship?

Obsession is one of the manifestations of one's own self-interest. Obsession is a desire, perhaps, for communication. But on the other hand, that friend, in relation to whom obsession is manifested, must also be patient. Here there is a mutual movement towards each other. If a person tries to be a real Christian (you can't do without this, you can't do without Christian qualities), then the friendship will be good.

- Obsession looks like a desire to communicate, a desire to be friends.

Sectarians have this expression: to bombard with love. When a person communicates to such an extent that he simply exhausts his interlocutor. Of course, this is wrong. You need to understand: you never know what you want to communicate, try to give a person a rest, think about him. Probably, then everything will work out.

- Blind friendship, like blind love, does not lead to anything good.

What do you mean by blind friendship?

When a person is friends and wants to communicate with a person, regardless of whether that person likes him or not, whether he wants to or not.

It's certainly not friendship. After a while, such communication will come to naught, because one person will run away from the other. But I think it can also be overcome. At the moment, I have no one closer to you, which means that I am called to love you. And if you love, it means again to endure, to be merciful, not to be irritated, not to behave violently. That is, all these criteria are suitable.

Then "endure" the next question. There is an expression: "Plato is my friend, but the truth is dearer." Is friendship possible between people with different beliefs?

And to what extent are different beliefs fundamental? There are cardinal ones. Suppose friendship between an atheist and a believer is probably possible if they tolerate each other and do not touch these topics. But all the same, friendship, in my opinion, necessarily implies some kind of unity, people look in one direction.

Suppose, if disputes arise between people, conflicts - is this the norm for friendship, or if there is a conflict, does this mean that friendship is not strong and does not exist?

Between friends, of course, there are some disagreements, there are insults, misunderstandings. But you need to sit down and discuss them. This time. And secondly, if there is a conflict, then you probably need to get away from it, because everything again comes down to the same thing. You need to be patient, because patience is the most important thing. That is, it is a mutual process in which everyone improves himself. And then everything will be exactly as it should be.

- If a person experiences Negative influence from your buddy or friend, should the friendship continue?

What do you have in mind?

Maybe the friendship started at school, and after school one of the friends began to go to the temple and understand that there is a difference in views, tastes, even began to experience some kind of negative influence from his friend.

Yes, I understand the question. You know, every believer (at least, in my example) experiences some kind of reassessment, revision in the perception of friends and those with whom he will communicate in the future. After all, as soon as a person comes to faith, he tries to be not of this world. And if not from this world, then he begins to annoy mundane, worldly people - by trying to be better, trying to put up, love, give alms, forgive. Of course it's annoying. For example, my environment changed a lot after I became a believer. But I don’t think it’s bad, because I feel better, more comfortable with those people…

It's not even about comfort. You can communicate if you see that it will be useful for a person. For example, if you can help an unbeliever in some way, then it’s probably worth being friends. But if you see that it is useless or you are simply not ready to bear the cross at the moment (after all, this is a heavy cross - to communicate with a person who does not understand you, maybe constantly mocks, not with words, so with facial expressions he tries to somehow infringe or bite ), - this is no longer friendship, because there is no love here. Exaltation and arrogance begin, because a person considers himself better, and if it is better, it means that friendship will no longer work. This is the path towards each other.

Is friendship possible out of compassion? Suppose a lonely person does not have friends, and another begins to be friends with him, not because they have common views or some kind of guidelines, but simply because he wants to help this person not to be alone. Friendship or not?

Of course, this can probably grow into friendship, because a person sacrifices himself. Love, if it is sacrificial, of course, is positive. Recently, a brother said that this is very similar to family relationships. In fact, that's exactly what it is. Friendship is like a family relationship without a family relationship. The rest of the criteria are the same.

- That is, healthy family relationships are born, grow out of friendship?

Is friendship possible between a woman and a man?

The saints probably do. But, unfortunately, I don’t think that in our modern fallen spiritual state this is possible for the rest, it is unlikely that confessors bless such friendship. In any case, a rare person can be friends without showing any excesses, so to speak.

- What is considered redundant?

Friendship, unfortunately, can develop into a kind of passion for a person. Both men and women can be affected by this. Friendship will end. It can even be harmful. If a person suddenly feels that his interlocutor, friend, classmate or classmate is becoming closer, then perhaps this is obviously wrong if, in legal terms, he has some kind of responsibility to third parties. Then it is better to end such a relationship so as not to be tempted.

- And if there is no such responsibility, perhaps this friendship can develop into another feeling ...

It's even more likely that she'll outgrow it. Therefore, I am rather skeptical about friendship between a man and a woman.

- There is an expression: "Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are." Is it always fair?

Yes, of course, because the Scripture also says: if you are with a reverend, you will be a reverend, you will be chosen with the elect. Well, with the obstinate you will be corrupted. This has already been said many millennia before us, so everything remains valid.

To become a reverend with reverends, one should strive for such fellowship, for such friendship. But if the reverends do not want to communicate with such a person, what should they do?

Reverends want. The Monk Seraphim of Sarov said: “My joy!” - this means that he loved all people so much that even in a welcoming exclamation he showed this love that covered everything.

Such friendship changes a person.

Of course, it changes and sows it. When there is love, it does not have any gender, it can be for an old man, and for a child, and for a grandmother, and for a grandfather, and for his brother, and for a sister, and family relations are not necessarily meant here. It's the same feeling. But some nuances are added, for example, family life. True, we now have the word “love” vulgarized, but in fact this is the feeling that never ceases, as the Lord said through the Apostle Paul.

- Is friendship between people of different nationalities and different mentalities possible?

I think it's possible. The Cossacks have a very good tradition. Suppose they took kunaks, that is, close friends, sworn brothers from Islam (this was the case in the Caucasus), and quite strong relations arose. If a person has the same criteria as you, regardless of whether the person is Orthodox, he can be of the same moral purity as an Orthodox, and maybe even higher. This occurs. There are a lot of churches in our parish, and one of them has an Uzbek watchman. He is a very decent person, you can trust him with everything. Plus, he shows such miracles of love and thoroughness, diligence, that you are simply surprised and rejoice when looking at such people.

- Do the conditions of life in a modern metropolis contribute to friendship?

Why do Muscovites often speak badly? Because life is very eventful, transient, people spend a lot of time on transport and therefore get very tired. In order to somehow preserve their own "I", they try to communicate less, show some restraint. This is especially noticed by people who live in the provinces. They are more open there. In fact, the Lord invites us to turn to Him in prayer in all difficulties. When we communicate with God, everything passes quickly for us, we also recover. This does not mean that we should not waste. On the contrary, we must give our love to everyone who needs it, and the Lord will reward us a hundredfold - and love, and the time that we spent on a person, and our efforts, and material resources as well. He will repay everything, because He is waiting and loves us very much. No parent, no mother loves her child the way the Lord loves us.

And does the comfort of modern life contribute to friendship, or does it contribute to extreme, difficult living conditions?

I spent most of my life in the Far North. It so happened that all my youth I was a sailor, I spent it in the North. All the hardships we experienced there cleansed our friendship. A bad person is immediately visible there. He is forced to change. This applies to hostilities, and war, and some extreme sports. labor activity. They are all the same, and the person there becomes better. He is forced to accept the conditions (this is mutual assistance, help, mercy), regardless of the cost of wasting himself. This is inevitable, because it is impossible to survive in those conditions, which is why people there seem to be better at first glance. But in fact... Look at the East - good people. The north is good too. In the South, it seems to be not very good, but if you go into the temple, you will see the same native eyes as in the North, South and East. Everywhere.

- Does the spread of social networks contribute to true friendship?

In my opinion, this pastime is now big business for those who invent it all. This is an attempt at replacement. First, there you can register under a false name. You can create yourself and do whatever you want. This implies that responsibility is not the same as in direct communication. Therefore, there is practically no communication. Young people are addicted to it like a drug, but I don’t think there is anything good here. Although my confessor maintains a blog, he is present on social networks. I'm not ready for this. I am not on social media.

That is, there is an effect: people create facades for themselves and communicate not with their souls, but with these artificial facades?

Yes exactly. This is a kind of sign that a person either invents for himself, or wants to look like that. In fact, it may be completely different. We often see the consequences of such communication in social networks, they appear in criminal reports, get out in many troubles.

Is it healthy for a person to have no friends at all?

If a person has very high criteria, then probably ... What does a friend mean? Basically, friends, of course, are acquired in youth, because a person himself is more open, less cautious, he has less negative experience of getting into unpleasant situations. Accordingly, he gladly, openly, sincerely begins to make friends, and then it turns out or it doesn’t work out. Therefore, we love our childhood friends very much. True, when you come across them many years later, it turns out that you love the memory, and not the person himself, because he has already changed a lot. This is some kind of illusion.

- Is friendship possible on the basis of vicious hobbies?

Of course it's possible. Probably possible. But what does friendship mean? Friendship means love. Most likely, such a relationship cannot be called friendship, it can be some kind of community of people, a criminal duet, a trio or a quartet. But there is no friendship here, of course, because there is no love. There are overlapping interests. But there is no love. And the main criterion, as it is written in the Scriptures (we didn't say this), is necessarily love.

How to test friendship - is it real or not? In addition to “pulling a guy into the mountains, taking a risk,” what other ways are there to check if this is an illusion, is it not affection, under which there is no love and friendship?

Unfortunately, in order to quickly check, you probably need to pull it into the mountains or underground.

Or to the North.

Or to the North! Or get into one trench. In another way - probably, you need to eat a pound of salt. Can you imagine sixteen kilograms of salt? You can calculate how many years you need to be friends in order to understand what a person is like.

- Under a pound of salt, probably it also means the bitterness of life, that is, to take a sip of bitterness together; maybe salt is here in an allegorical sense, not only as a product, but the bitterness of losses experienced together?

- Isn't pity a humiliating feeling?

Now the word "pity", of course, has lost the ancient meaning of "love", but still, probably, it has such a connotation. Pity is still compassion, and if compassion, then love. It may not be fully love, but it will already be a positive feeling.

- That is, pity in ancient times was understood as compassion?

To regret is to love.

- And now pity has a tinge of disdain, to regret is, as it were, to show indulgence.

Yes, probably now there are a lot of words that have lost their original meaning and acquired a different color. But then again, if you love, you don't exalt yourself. If you love, it means that you are open, there can be no exaltation in a loving person.

- They even say that pity, as it were, humiliates a person. "Don't feel sorry for me!» …

No, most likely, this is some kind of pride - "do not touch me." Probably, then you can understand Judas, who strangled himself. He did not go to ask the Lord for forgiveness. He did not want any pity, he considered that he did wrong, and if he did wrong, he ordered himself and strangled himself.

- The sin of Judas is betrayal. Is friendship possible after betrayal?

What is meant by betrayal? Everything, of course, depends on the action. Remember when Peter asked the Lord, “How many times to forgive? Three, five? - The Lord said: "Seventy-seven by seven." That is, forgive forever. If a person came, if he repented, then you must forgive.

What if you don't repent?

And if he did not repent, then what kind of forgiveness are we talking about? Why forgive him then? You must not be evil. If, for example, a person does not repent of his deed, will you go and tell him: “I forgive you”? In general, yes, so that you do not hold a grudge against him. You know, you have to look. The Lord says, "It was from Me." Do you remember this spiritual instruction of Seraphim Vyritsky?

- Remind please.

- “It was from Me” - whatever happens to us, everything happens in one way or another from God. And if such a situation has turned out, let's say in friendship, then the Lord is once again testing you: can you endure, forgive? So, of course, you need to forgive.

- They say that not everyone and not always needs to be forgiven.

No, the Lord said that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is not forgiven. And the rest ... There are many beautiful sophistications here: they say, I personally forgive my enemy, but not the enemy of the Fatherland. I think that we should try to live according to the commandments, to fully imitate Christ. Even if something happened, pray for the person and ask: “Lord, don’t blame him, he doesn’t know what he’s doing”

- There is a modern word "tolerance". What is this translated into Russian - friendship, understanding?

Most likely, this is some kind of tolerance, but recently this word has been used in combination with "tolerance" - tolerance for other faiths. But let's say I don't like that word.

- It is non-Russian, unusual for the Russian language.

The point is that we must try to see the image of God in man. For us, Muscovites, there is a serious irritant - everyone notices that there are a lot of visitors here who differ from us (hair color, their behavior). We need to learn to be more tolerant. Because the whole reason is that our wives do not give birth to as many children as they have. My abbot jokes grimly that Islam is our future. With the current state of affairs and the attitude towards abortion of the bulk of our people, of course, Islam is our future.

- Yes, it's sad…

Plus, they should also be treated with love, because, firstly, they are the same children of God, the Lord loves them in the same way. In addition, if they accept Orthodoxy, they are sometimes killed in their midst for this. And what if you and I are non-Christians, and they immediately receive a martyr's crown? Probably, we need to think about this more often - and then, perhaps, our attitude towards them will change.

- Is it normal if a person has enemies (despite the fact that a person tries to love and forgive everyone)?

Probably okay. After all, the person is alive. We live in a world where there is malice. It is clear that she is from the devil, but she is there. And since there is malice, it means that there are enemies who hate.

I'm on the subway right now. The young man, most likely a representative of the Orthodox, spat to the side at the sight of the priest. In Israel, I often saw this. True, I must say, here I was surprised: I saw this for the first time. Maybe he is studying or from a family like that ...

- Orthodox.

Yes, Jewish Orthodox.

If a person is friends with someone and tries to do something for their friend, but does not receive reciprocity, is this normal? How should he react? Should I generally seek reciprocity in friendship?

Everything again depends on how much you carry your cross, endure and try… You see, love is sacrificial. That's right - this is when you try to help a person, not hoping for reciprocity. Then everything is as it should be, because we should not expect any rewards. On the contrary, if we do not receive a reward on earth, then our reward is in heaven, which is much more valuable and very important for us in the future.

- One more question at the end of our program: what is the most important thing in friendship?

In a word, love. sacrificial love. If she is sacrificial, then all is well.

Host Denis Beresnev
Recorded by Margarita Popova

In a harmonious herd, the wolf is not terrible.

Conversation about friendship

We are talking with a man with many decades of positive experience of friendship

How and when did friendship start?
Friendship appeared from the beginning of the birth of human relations, when people, experiencing mutual sympathy, deepened their communication ties, imbued with trust in another, experiencing positive feelings for him.

Why does humanity need friendship?
Without friendly relations, the palette of human communication would be immeasurably more impoverished. People could not help each other on the basis of knowledge and positive attitude to this person, to develop one's sensual sphere, to receive a response to one's requests, to share experiences and problems, to accept help from a friend.

What is friendship? What does it consist of?
Friendship is a manifestation of the unity of man with man. The most important subjects of friendship are the friends themselves. It is on them that the nature, time, depth, direction of friendly relations, their content and form depend. There is a commonality of emotional-sensual, motivational-value components, a harmony of needs, interests, desires, views, communicative characteristics, principles of similarity and complementarity with each other.

How to determine if you are friends with a person or just chatting?
In the modern world, a person enters into an abundance of communication ties, but not all of them are friendly. The vast majority of them are very superficial, and even if they are colored positively, they may not be friendship relations. Friendship is determined by the depth, duration and powerful psychological unity of friends. It implies commitment and devotion to a friend.

What is friendship for you personal experience friendship)?
Friendship is the most valuable source of knowledge of the world, people, help in case of need, just emotional support sometimes. Sometimes it is friends who will help in a way that relatives are not able to help. After all, relatives are not chosen, but we find friends ourselves. Over time, friends become closer than relatives. Finding a friend, being friends with him for a long time is a great communicative and human wealth. My many decades of "friendship" experience shows that this is more than wealth, it is happiness. The happiness of intellectual and moral unity, spiritual interpenetration, doubling of spiritual warmth, a sense of inseparability, immensity of kindness, help in overcoming life's adversities, consonance of subtlety and grace in the manifestation of feelings.

What is more important in friendship: giving or receiving?
A balance is needed here. A more mature friendship is based on the joy of giving, although it gratefully accepts the gifts of a friend. But it happens that receiving is more significant, which is usually typical for children's and youthful relationships.

Should friendships be maintained? Or is it a natural process and should proceed spontaneously?
Of course, friendship is a very subtle, valuable phenomenon and needs constant care and attention. It is necessary to cherish friendships, constantly improve them, bring new resources and facets to friendship, so that friends will be interesting together for many years. However, there are situations when friendship has already exhausted itself. This could be due to many reasons. In these cases, people often hold on to an already burdensome relationship, fearing that once separated, they will no longer be able to make new friends.

Are there situations after which friendship is impossible?
Here, much depends on the characteristics of the particular friendships themselves. But most often, friendship ends due to betrayal, a qualitative change in the structure of the personality of one of the friends.

How to learn to be friends?
This art is comprehended by a person throughout his life. Growing up, gaining experience, a person most often becomes more careful in terms of preserving important relationships, their nourishment, attention to a friend and his needs. He finds more and more options for helping a friend, his support, he rejoices more and appreciates friendly attention. The art of friendship is based on love for people and the world, respect for the individuality of the other. Such a person will himself generously give friendly warmth and gratefully accept it from another.

How to choose the right people for friendship or should they appear by themselves?
IN childhood openness to the world, spontaneity are very great and the child usually quickly finds acquaintances who can eventually become his true friends. Later, it becomes more difficult for a person to get along with people, and the process of selecting friends is more difficult and slower. Already by adolescence, the issue of choosing friends is realized and is usually acute. There are many requirements and conditions for friendship here, and finding a friend can be one of the most significant. Sometimes it takes a long time to reach the desired relationship with a certain person, but it happens that life brings people together, and they become friends.

Are there any character traits, in your opinion, that unite people who know how to make friends and those who don't?
With diversity personal manifestations friends, one can distinguish common features characteristic of those who know how to be friends: openness, trust in the world and people, the need to give, showing care for others, lack of greed, creativity, ability to change, psychological flexibility. Accordingly, opposite traits repel people from each other.

What should be sacrificed for the sake of friendship, and what should not?
All the same, in this case, the concept of "victim" is not entirely appropriate. It more characterizes the unwillingness of a person to give something away. If he gives, then he “tearth” from himself, is attached to this, and because of this he experiences torment. A friend, by virtue of the need to give, can do a lot for his friend, but with joy, realizing that he himself will be better off from this.

Is modern friendship different from how people were friends in the past?
Probably, the content side of friendship changed under the influence of historical, ethnic, ethical innovations, but on the whole, the general mood of friendship was preserved. The form of friendly relations has changed more.

How will the future change friendship?
Again, the form will change more, and the content is designed to meet the timeless humanistic principles of relations. As our life changes, so does friendship, but its deepest center - love for a friend and unity with him - remain unchanged.

Thank you!

Save a friend, and teach yourself.