Classification of types of family relations. Various types of relationships in the family. Secrets of a happy family

Types of family relationships

In families, in the process of life, a certain system of education is formed. It includes an understanding of the goals of education, a clear formulation of tasks, the purposeful application of methods and techniques of education. Often parents do not even perceive such a family way of life as a system of education. There are four tactics family education, which correspond to four types of family relationships:

dictate,
custody,
non-intervention
cooperation.

Family dictate is manifested in the systematic suppression by some family members of the initiatives and self-esteem of others.

Of course, parents should make demands on the child, focusing on the goals of education, moral standards and the specific situation. At the same time, orders and violence should not become means of communication with the child. As a rule, this method of influence causes the child's resistance and a response in the form of hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, hatred. Parents can break such resistance, but at the same time valuable personality traits are broken: independence and self-esteem, initiative and self-confidence. Serious problems in the formation of the child's personality can be provoked by the authoritarian parents, ignoring the interests of the child, depriving him of the right to vote in resolving issues that concern him directly.

Another ambiguous type of relationship is guardianship. This is a system of relationships in which parents satisfy all the needs of the child, protect him from worries and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. With this approach to education, questions about active formation personalities are eclipsed by pleasing the child. Parents do not prepare children to face the real world and its problems. Such children are not adapted to collective life. In adolescence, overprotective children are prone to regular breakdowns. Often there is a protest against excessive parental care. Guardianship in its forms is the opposite of dictate. But at the same time, it carries no less negative influences on the upbringing of the child. The result of diktat and guardianship coincides and manifests itself in the lack of independence, initiative, detachment from the problems of the family and society in children.

Interpersonal relationships in the family can be based on the recognition of the possibility of independent existence of adults from children; a kind of “non-intervention” tactic is used. This type family relations suggests the existence of the world of adults and the world of children, which should not intersect. This position is inherent in parents who are passive in terms of upbringing.

The most effective in terms of education is cooperation. With this type of interaction in the family, interpersonal relationships are subject to common goals and objectives, joint activities. Thus, it becomes possible to overcome the egoistic individualism of the child. A family in which relationships are built on cooperation becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

Styles of family education follow from the types of family relationships. They play a huge role in shaping a child's self-esteem.

There are three styles of parenting:

democratic,
authoritarian,
permissive.

The democratic style of parenting, the style of "consent", takes into account the interests of the child. Democratic parents cultivate independence and discipline in the child's behavior at the same time. They give him the right to be independent in certain areas of his life; without limiting his rights, in parallel require the fulfillment of duties. Control in such families is based on warm feelings and reasonable care. The formation of adulthood and development in such relationships takes place without any special experiences and conflicts.

With an authoritarian style, the so-called "suppression" style, parents impose their opinion on the child and do not take into account his wishes. Authoritarian parents demand unquestioning obedience and do not consider it necessary to explain the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They control all spheres of the child's life, often not correctly. Children in such families become isolated, and their confidential communication with their parents becomes impossible. Some children, in such a relationship, go into conflict, many adapt and become insecure, less independent. The situation is more difficult when parents are indifferent and cruel. Children of such parents treat people with distrust, experience difficulties in communication, are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.

In the case of connivance, the child is left to himself.

The development of children's self-awareness depends on the characteristics of family education. Children with an adequate self-image are brought up in families where they are given a lot of time. Adequate self-esteem is formed in a child when he is positively evaluated, but overestimated relative to his peers. These children are often encouraged, but not with gifts, and the punishment is manifested in the form of refusal to communicate. Children with low self-esteem develop in families where they are not taken care of, they demand unconditional obedience, they value them low and are often reproached, punishment is used in front of outsiders, they are not expected to succeed.

The conditions of upbringing in the family affect the adequate and inadequate behavior of the child.

Inadequacy can manifest itself in the form of low or high self-esteem. Low self-esteem is formed in children from families where censure and setting excessive goals are accepted. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements that parents place on him.

Inflated self-esteem is formed in a child who is often praised and achievements are regularly celebrated with material gifts. The system of requirements in such families is too soft.

To form an adequate self-image, a balanced system of punishment and praise is required. Admiration and praise of the child with him is unacceptable. Achievement gifts don't have to be regular. Severe punishments are not applied in the educational process.

Children with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, receive from their parents attention to their personality, combined with sufficient demands. Parents of such children do not resort to humiliating punishments and praise the child when he deserves it. Children with low self-esteem experience greater freedom at home, often bordering on lack of control and indifference of parents to children and to each other.

In family relationships, the initial level of the child's claims is set. Children with a high level of aspirations are guided only by success. Their planning for the future is optimistic. Children with a low level of aspirations do not set themselves high goals and constantly doubt their abilities. As a rule, they do not strive to reach a higher level of learning.

Depending on the relationship in the family, the child may develop a sense of anxiety. High anxiety is possible with constant dissatisfaction with studies, the level of achievements on the part of parents. There is a fear of doing something bad or wrong. The same result can be obtained if parents make excessive and unrealistic demands on the child.

The increase in anxiety gives rise to low self-esteem and a decrease in the level of achievements, failure is fixed. Self-doubt provokes a desire, without hesitation, to follow the instructions of an adult, fear to take the initiative.

As a result of incorrect relationships within the family, the child may exhibit demonstrative behavior. The child experiences an increased need for success and attention to others. Demonstrativeness is the result of insufficient attention on the part of adults to children. The task of parents is to exclude notations and edifications when communicating with a child, to make comments less emotionally, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and to punish major ones. If for a child with high anxiety the problem lies in the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

Another possible result of relationships within the family is "avoidance of reality." This occurs with a combination of demonstrativeness and anxiety. These children feel a strong need for attention to themselves, but cannot realize it because of their anxiety. Such guys are hardly noticeable, because they are afraid to cause disapproval with their behavior, they strive to unconditionally fulfill the requirements of adults. Encouraging the activity of children, paying attention to the results of their activities, and jointly searching for ways for the creative self-realization of the child, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, far from being always realized by its members. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. The 4 most common tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and the 4 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: diktat, guardianship, "non-intervention" and cooperation.

Diktat in the family it is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence, wish to assert their own superiority on the feeling of dependence of another, weaker being, face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with their own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, suppression, coercion, and, in the case of child resistance, sometimes even emotional or physical violence against him, mockery, systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, ensuring by their work the satisfaction of all the needs of the child, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the needs of the child and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team.

According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in adolescence. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, that begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat involves violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

System interpersonal relationships in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even the expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by tactics "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators, and sometimes their emotional coldness, indifference, inability and unwillingness to learn to be parents, to learn parenthood. Moreover, this option can be found both in poor, unsettled families (say, a family of alcoholics, where parents are only interested in how to once again get themselves a drink and they do not care at all about children), and relatively settled, rich and prosperous families (rich parents have achieved high results in their professional field, in their careers, and, wanting first of all to ensure the future material well-being of their children, at an early age accustom them to their future (sometimes chosen by the parents themselves) professional orientation, which in itself may include long periods of separation with parents, during which the child is left to himself; after the child “stands on his feet”, almost all concern for him ceases).

Cooperation as a type of relationships in the family, it implies the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. A family where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, where parents communicate with children on an equal footing, where everyone can turn to the other with a question or request and get help, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and the result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, "non-intervention" and cooperation.

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Types of family relationships and education

Can be highlighted4 parenting tactics and responding to them 4 types of family relationships, which are both the prerequisite and the result of their occurrence: diktat, guardianship, "non-intervention" and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the needs of the child and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team. According to psychological observations, it is this category of children that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in adolescence. Just these children, who, it would seem, have nothing to complain about, begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat involves violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relations in the family by the common goals and objectives of joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

Parenting style refers to the way parents relate to their child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child's personality, to problems in his behavior.

To select the most appropriate style of family education, consider all the available types of parenting styles and the consequences of their application.

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child's initiative, rigidly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them.

Parents strictly monitor homework younger students, up to the fact that they stand nearby and put pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.

With parents, such children may seem calm and executive, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable. As the child grows older, he becomes more and more intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. IN adolescence frequent conflicts can lead to a disastrous outcome.

2. Liberal conniving style family education (hypo-custody)

With a liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Need!”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication are characterized by the inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.

As a result, the child grows up to be selfish, conflicted, constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships with people.

At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to yield.

3. Overprotective style family education

With an overprotective parenting style, parents deprive the child of independence in physical, mental, and social development. They are constantly next to him, solve problems for him. They overly care and take care of him, fearing and worrying about his health.

The child grows up infantile, insecure, neurotic, anxious. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization.

4. Alienated stylefamily education

With the alienated style of family education, the relationship implies a deep indifference of the parents to the personality of the child. Parents "do not notice" the child, are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. Actively avoiding contact with him, keep him at a distance. Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes the child lonely and deeply unhappy, unsure of himself. He loses the desire to communicate, aggressiveness towards people can form.

5. Chaotic stylefamily education

Some psychologists distinguish a chaotic style of family education, characterized by the absence of a single consistent approach to raising a child. It arises on the basis of disagreements between parents in the choice of means and methods of education. Conflicts in the family are becoming more frequent, parents are constantly sorting out the relationship between themselves and often in the presence of the child, which leads to neurotic reactions The child has. The child needs stability and the presence of clear specific guidelines in assessments and behavior. Parents who use different styles of upbringing and communication deprive the child of such stability, form an anxious, insecure, impulsive, in some cases aggressive, uncontrollable personality.

6. Democratic stylefamily education

With a democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help them, take into account their needs and requirements. They express their love, goodwill to the child, play with him on topics that are interesting to him. Parents allow children to take part in the discussion of family problems and take their opinion into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, require meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in observing discipline.

The child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-management, increases self-confidence, his strengths. Children in such families listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “necessary”, know how to discipline themselves and build relationships with classmates. Children grow up active, inquisitive, independent, full-fledged individuals with a developed sense of dignity and responsibility for people close to him.

The democratic style of parenting, according to many psychologists, is the most effective style of family education.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to age and individual characteristics child, his self-image seems distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of the self-awareness of preschoolers depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate self-image are brought up in families where parents give them a lot of time; positively evaluate their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance. These children are often encouraged, but not with gifts; punished mainly by refusing to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families in which they are not treated, but require obedience; low estimate, often reproached, punished, sometimes - with strangers; they are not expected to succeed at school and make significant achievements later in life.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of the child depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family..

Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child, or set excessive tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, this causes complexes, which then cannot be got rid of.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of requirements is very soft.

Adequate presentation- here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded from him. Gifts are rarely given for deeds. Extreme harsh punishments are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, attention to the child's personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of parents' indifference to children and to each other.

Parents also set the initial level of claims of the child - what he claims in learning activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success. Their vision of the future is just as optimistic.

Children with a low level of claims and low self-esteem do not apply for much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their abilities, quickly come to terms with the level of progress that develops at the beginning of their studies.

Anxiety can become a personality trait at this age. High anxiety acquires stability with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Suppose a child falls ill, falls behind his classmates, and it is difficult for him to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties experienced by him irritate adults, anxiety arises, the fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child learns quite well, but the parents expect more and make excessive, unrealistic demands.

Due to the increase in anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements are reduced, and failure is fixed. Self-doubt leads to a number of other features - the desire to mindlessly follow the instructions of an adult, act only according to patterns and patterns, fear to take the initiative, formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communication with him, which increases emotional discomfort. It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personal characteristics of the child are reflected in his educational activities, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the characteristics that have developed in the child. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of parents. Close adults, concentrating on the smallest achievements of the child. Without blaming him for some shortcomings, they reduce the level of his anxiety and thus contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

The second option isdemonstrativeness- a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, "unloved". But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even violating the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without notations and edifications, to make comments as emotionally as possible, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and to punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than careful attitude to an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is"escape from reality". It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid of arousing disapproval with their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, show attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

To achieve educational goals in the family, parents turn to a variety of means of influence: they encourage and punish the child, they strive to become a model for him. As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of children as individuals can be accelerated, made more successful than with the use of prohibitions and punishments. If, nevertheless, there is a need for punishments, then, in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments should, if possible, follow immediately after the misconduct that deserves them. Punishment should be fair, but not cruel. Very severe punishment can cause fear or anger in the child. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which he is punished is reasonably explained to him. Any physical impact forms the child's belief that he, too, will be able to act by force when something does not suit him.

With the advent of a second child, the privileges of an older brother or sister are usually limited. The older child is now forced, and often unsuccessfully, to recapture parental attention, which is usually directed more towards younger children.

Specific conditions for education are formed in the so-called incomplete family, where one of the parents is absent. Boys perceive the absence of a father in the family much more sharply than girls; without fathers, they are often cocky and restless.

Family breakdown negatively affects the relationship between parents and children, especially between mothers and sons. Due to the fact that parents themselves experience mental disorders, they usually lack the strength to help children cope with the problems that have arisen just at the moment in life when they most need their love and support.

After the divorce of their parents, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time show excessive anxiety. These characteristic features of behavior are especially noticeable during the first months of life after a divorce, and are smoothed out by two years after it. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after the divorce of their parents.

Thus, In order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative impact of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember intra-family psychological factors that are of educational importance:

Take an active part in family life;
Always find time to talk with your child;
Be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;
Do not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions independently;
Have an idea of the different stages in a child's life;
Respect the child's right to their own opinion;
To be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner, who simply has less life experience so far;
Respect the desire of all other family members to pursue a career and self-improvement.

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate , guardianship, "non-intervention" And cooperation.

Diktat in the family it is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

guardianship in the family - this is a system of relations in which parents, ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the needs of the child and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team.

According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in adolescence. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, that begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat implies violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

Tactics are based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children. "non-intervention" . This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationships in the family, it implies the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

Of great importance in the formation of self-esteem is the style of family education, the values accepted in the family.

There are three styles of family education: - democratic - authoritarian - conniving (liberal).

In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. Consent style.
With an authoritarian style, parents impose their opinion on the child. "Suppression" style.
In the permissive style, the child is left to himself.
A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his self-image seems distorted.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of the child depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family. Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child, or set excessive tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, this causes complexes, which then cannot be got rid of.)

Adequate performance - a flexible system of punishment and praise is needed here. Admiration and praise are excluded from him. Gifts are rarely given for deeds. Extreme harsh punishments are not used. In families where children grow up with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, attention to the child's personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of parents' indifference to children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for evaluating a child as a person by adults and peers. Attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. In a child, those qualities that most concern his parents come to the fore - maintaining prestige (at home they ask questions: "Who else got an A?"), obedience ("Were you scolded today?"), etc. Emphasis shifts in the self-consciousness of a small schoolchild when parents are concerned not with educational, but with everyday moments in his school life (“Does it blow from the windows in the classroom?”, “What did they give you for breakfast?”), Or they don’t care much at all - school life discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: "What happened at school today?" sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: "Nothing special", "Everything is fine".

Parents also set the initial level of the child's claims - what he claims in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success. Their vision of the future is just as optimistic. Children with a low level of claims and low self-esteem do not apply for much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their abilities, quickly come to terms with the level of progress that develops at the beginning of their studies.

Due to the increase in anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements are reduced, and failure is fixed. Self-doubt leads to a number of other features - the desire to thoughtlessly follow the instructions of an adult, act only according to patterns and patterns, fear to take the initiative, formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communication with him, which increases emotional discomfort.

It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personal characteristics of the child are reflected in his educational activities, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the characteristics that have developed in the child. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of parents. Close adults, concentrating on the smallest achievements of the child. Without blaming him for some shortcomings, they reduce the level of his anxiety and thus contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

Second option - demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, "unloved". But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even violating the rules of behavior. ("It's better to be scolded than not noticed"). The task of adults is to do without notations and edifications, to make comments as emotionally as possible, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and to punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

Third option - "avoidance of reality". It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid of arousing disapproval with their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, show attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

In girls, due to their more early development, this period is often associated with experiences of first love. If this love is not mutual, and in addition there is no understanding on the part of the parents, then the emotional trauma inflicted during this period can break the girl's entire future fate. Parents should always remember that their girl is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. Although the 13-14-year-old girl herself, feeling how quickly her height is increasing, her figure is changing, secondary sexual characteristics appear, she already considers herself an adult and claims an appropriate attitude, independence and self-sufficiency.

Adolescent independence is expressed mainly in the desire for emancipation from adults, liberation from their guardianship and control. Needing their parents, their love and care, their opinion, they have a strong desire to be independent, equal in rights with them. How relations develop in this difficult period for both parties depends mainly on the style of upbringing that has developed in the family, and the parents' ability to rebuild - to accept the feeling of adulthood of their child.

After a relatively calm junior school age, adolescence seems turbulent and complex. Development at this stage, indeed, is proceeding at a rapid pace, especially many changes are observed in terms of personality formation. And, perhaps, the main feature of a teenager is personal instability. Opposite features, aspirations, tendencies coexist and fight with each other, determining the inconsistency of the character and behavior of a growing child. The main difficulties in communication, conflicts arise due to parental control over the behavior, study of a teenager, his choice of friends, etc.

The extreme cases, the most unfavorable for the development of the child, are strict, total control with authoritarian upbringing and the almost complete absence of control, when the teenager is left to himself, neglected.

There are many intermediate options:

Parents regularly tell their children what to do;

The child can express his opinion, but when making a decision, parents do not listen to his voice;

The child can make separate decisions on his own, but must obtain the approval of the parents, parents and the child have almost equal rights when making a decision;

The decision is often made by the child himself;

The child himself decides to obey his parental decisions or not.

Let us dwell on the most common styles of family education, which determine the characteristics of a teenager's relationship with his parents and his personal development.

Democratic parents they value both independence and discipline in the behavior of a half-growth. They themselves grant him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to his rights, at the same time demand the fulfillment of duties. Control, based on warm feelings and reasonable care, usually does not irritate a teenager too much; he often listens to explanations why one should not do one thing and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such relationships takes place without any special experiences and conflicts.authoritarian parents They demand unquestioning obedience from the teenager and do not consider that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of life, and they can do it and not quite correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some adolescents go into conflict, but more often children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style of family relationships and become insecure, less independent.The situation is complicated if high demands and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here. An even more difficult case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely treat people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.combination of indifferent parental relationship with a lack of control - hypo-custody is also an unfavorable variant of family relationships. Teenagers are allowed to do whatever they want, no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes out of control. And teenagers, no matter how they sometimes rebel, need their parents as a support, they must see a model of adult, responsible behavior, which could be guided by.

Hyper-custody - excessive concern for the child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact - leads to passivity, lack of independence, difficulties in communicating with peers

Difficulties also arise with high expectations of parents, which the child is not able to justify. With parents who have inadequate expectations, spiritual intimacy is usually lost during adolescence. The teenager wants to decide for himself what he needs, and rebels, rejecting demands that are alien to him.

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and the result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, "non-intervention" and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the needs of the child and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in the transitional age. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, that begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat involves violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: the children lack independence, initiative, they are, in one way or another, excluded from resolving issues that concern them personally, and even more so the general problems of the family.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relations in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

Of great importance in the formation of self-esteem is the style of family education, the values accepted in the family.

3 styles of family education: - democratic - authoritarian - permissive

In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. Consent style.

In the permissive style, the child is left to himself.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his self-image seems distorted.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of the child depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family.

Adequate performance - here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded from him. Gifts are rarely given for deeds. Extreme harsh punishments are not used.

School performance is an important criterion for evaluating a child as a person by adults and peers. Attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. In a child, those qualities that most concern his parents come to the fore - maintaining prestige (at home they ask questions: “Who else got an A?”), obedience (“Didn’t you scold you today?”), etc. Emphasis shifts in the self-consciousness of a small schoolchild when parents are concerned not with educational, but with everyday moments in his school life (“Does it blow from the windows in the classroom?”, “What did they give you for breakfast?”) discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: “What happened at school today?” sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: “Nothing special”, “Everything is fine”.

The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, "unloved". But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even violating the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without notations and edifications, to make comments as emotionally as possible, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and to punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is “avoidance of reality”. It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid of arousing disapproval with their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, show attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

Many parents with bated breath are waiting for the so-called transitional age in their children. For some, this transition from childhood to adulthood goes completely unnoticed, for someone it becomes a real disaster. Until recently, an obedient and calm child suddenly becomes "prickly", irritable, he now and then comes into conflict with others. This often causes an ill-conceived negative reaction from parents and teachers. Their mistake is that they are trying to subjugate a teenager to their will, and this only hardens, repels him from adults. And this is the worst thing - it breaks a growing person, making him an insincere opportunist or still obedient up to the complete loss of his "I". In girls, due to their earlier development, this period is often associated with experiences of first love. If this love is not mutual, and in addition there is no understanding on the part of the parents, then the emotional trauma inflicted during this period can break the girl's entire future fate. Parents should always remember that their girl is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. Although the 13-14-year-old girl herself, feeling how quickly her height is increasing, her figure is changing, secondary sexual characteristics appear, she already considers herself an adult and claims an appropriate attitude, independence and self-sufficiency.

Adolescent independence is expressed mainly in the desire for emancipation from adults, liberation from their guardianship and control. Needing their parents, their love and care, their opinion, they have a strong desire to be independent, equal in rights with them. The way relations develop during this difficult period for both parties depends mainly on the style of upbringing that has developed in the family, and the parents' ability to rebuild - to accept the feeling of adulthood of their child 1 .

The main difficulties in communication, conflicts arise due to parental control over the behavior, study of a teenager, his choice of friends, etc. extreme, the most unfavorable cases for the development of the child are strict, total control with authoritarian upbringing and the almost complete absence of control, when the teenager is left to himself, neglected. There are many intermediate options:

Parents regularly tell their children what to do;

The child can express his opinion, but when making a decision, parents do not listen to his voice;

The child can make separate decisions on his own, but must obtain the approval of the parents, parents and the child have almost equal rights when making a decision;

The decision is often made by the child himself;

The child himself decides to obey his parental decisions or not.

Let us dwell on the most common styles of family education, which determine the characteristics of a teenager's relationship with his parents and his personal development.

Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in the behavior of a half-grown child. They themselves grant him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to his rights, at the same time demand the fulfillment of duties. Control, based on warm feelings and reasonable care, usually does not irritate a teenager too much; he often listens to explanations why one should not do one thing and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such relationships takes place without any special experiences and conflicts.

Authoritarian parents demand unquestioning obedience from a teenager and do not consider that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of life, and they can do it and not quite correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some adolescents go into conflict, but more often children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style of family relationships and become insecure, less independent.

The situation is complicated if high demands and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here. An even more difficult case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely treat people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love. 1

The combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a lack of control - hypo-guardianship - is also an unfavorable variant of family relationships. Teenagers are allowed to do whatever they want, no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes out of control. And teenagers, no matter how they sometimes rebel, need their parents as a support, they must see a model of adult, responsible behavior, which could be guided by.

Conclusion for 1 chapter

A family is a small group based on marriage or consanguinity, whose members are connected by a common life, mutual moral responsibility and mutual assistance 2.

The main, first function of the family, as follows from the definition of A.G. Kharchev, is reproductive, that is, the biological reproduction of the population in the social plan and the satisfaction of the need for children - in the personal plan 3 . Along with this main function, the family performs a number of other important social functions: educational; household; economic; sphere of primary social control; spiritual communication; social status; leisure; emotional.

Depending on the form of marriage: monogamous or polygamous family.

The specificity of a young family is determined by the fact that it is in the process of formation, intensive development and is characterized by instability of relations. The main two tasks of a young family are the organization of comfortable interpersonal interaction between members and the integration of the family into society as an independent social object. The provision of effective psychological and pedagogical assistance in solving these problems will satisfy the objective need of society for stable young families with a formed subjective position.

The ability to develop the ability to resolve conflict situations, flexibility in solving family problems, reflection (the ability to be aware of one's thoughts) 1 is of great importance for a specialist working with a family.