About children's independence and its development. My child must be independent. How to achieve this? Complete lack of independence of the child

Independence of the younger generation- This is a hot topic. Recall, it would seem, the recent past, when schoolchildren were everywhere engaged in various educational jobs, either in the field, on potatoes, or in additional labor education lessons. That was the time! It is scary and difficult to imagine today's 14-year-old driving a tractor or combine, even under the supervision of a senior partner. Needless to say, today's idlers are so dependent that it is sometimes scary to entrust them with a bicycle.

And it's not easy problem, and not some additional reason to shake your head, complaining about the youth. Lack of self-reliance at a young age puts rotten roots in a person, decomposing it. Not vaccinated from an early age, it does not form later on its own. And having gone to study or simply having moved out to his own apartment, the young man very quickly turns the place of his independent dwelling into a garbage dump unsuitable for the continuation of the existence of a person in it.

After all, he wash the dishes really he can't, and he's not used to it. As soon as his mother disappeared from behind, reminding him twenty times to wash the plate or strict, the need for washing dishes on a conscious level immediately disappeared. Such a person also does not know how to cook, he is not scientific in maintaining life. Ahead of him are long and difficult years of irregular nutrition and life, which, ultimately, will undermine his health. This is not a horror story designed to upset you, but a sadly true modern story that can be heard at every turn.

Of course it is at all not the future we want for our children. But in order to cultivate independence in them, you have to work hard. This will require an integrated approach, consisting of gradualness, trust, support, honesty and respect. Let's take it all in order now.

Don't rush and don't demand too much at once. The principle of gradual self-learning is to curb your own expectations and set yourself up for the long haul. People do not suddenly become independent, if yesterday your child could not take care of his clothes on his own, you should not expect that tomorrow he will cope with cooking dinner. Be patient and set feasible requirements, clearly divide his growing up into stages.

Trust your child. Stop paying loud attention to his every failure. Growing up is hard, remember that. And reproaches and accusations never worked. As opposed to approval and praise. This brings us to the principle of support. Pay attention to every manifestation of independence and responsible behavior and show your child that you have noticed it. Everyone wants to be appreciated, and there is no better motivator for further development than recognition of their merits.

Be honest. As for honesty - do not be cunning, do not play with the child in " psychological games"And do not hide your intentions from him, no one likes this. Talk to him honestly, as with an adult already. Explain that you are concerned about the level of dependence of your son or daughter and offer to work together on his growing up.

Should be given to kid understand that independence brings not only responsibility and obligations, but also new opportunities. He will quite find such an approach much more reasonable and justified than constant punishment for misconduct. Is it possible to allow a person who does not even know how to wash the dishes after himself to walk until late? How to let go to the camp for the summer the one who brushed his teeth exclusively under pressure all year and scattered his clothes around the room? Is he entitled to personal pocket money who is unable to go out for bread without losing his change, his bread, and his own shoes? Responsibility and independence give rights and power to control oneself to an ever greater extent. The desire for independence can hardly be stimulated in the best way rather than reinforcing this understanding in the mind of a teenager.

Respect your children. This logically brings us to the principle of respect. Psychologist Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People tells a very revealing story about a five-year-old boy who constantly wets his bed. It is clear that for this age this is not a tragedy, but the child simply does not yet know how to control at night bladder. And yet, the father decided to try one interesting approach.

He took boy with you to the store, dressing him in baby suit and together they went to pick out a bed for him. The choice of a bed was left to the young man, and the seller addressed the young buyer invariably with "You". When the bed was bought, the boy was also given the opportunity to choose new pajamas, because he grew out of the old one, and it doesn’t fit such an adult and independent young man sleep in baby clothes.

After to kid they gave him the opportunity to choose a bed and pajamas, the family forgot about the "night problems" forever, because the guy felt like an adult, significant, and therefore independent. And when he felt like that, he became like that.

This story Fine shows how a respectful attitude towards the child and trust in him raises his level. Most parents only hear something like: “Come on, you can’t do it!”, “You can’t do it yourself, put it back!”. It becomes unclear who and why they convince their children of worthlessness.

Of course it's hard to respect enough dependent personality, but it is even more difficult to become such a person when you are not worth a penny. In this situation, it is you, as an older and smarter person, who will have to take the first step. Only a respectful attitude towards your children will make them independent one day. Only an honest attitude towards them will allow them to trust you, only support and approval from your side (and not reproaches, screams and complaints) will help and feel the strength to become more independent.

Well, how about you will have to be patient. Personal development is not a one day process. But the result is always worth the effort spent on it, you can be 100% sure of this.

Children's independence is a necessity.

Almost all parents know about this, while often neglecting this rule. Why? We adults are often in a hurry, there is not enough time, and sometimes patience: “Well, why are you fussing?! Let me dress you quickly, give you shoes, otherwise we’ll be late!” Familiar? And now the child is growing, perhaps he is already dressing himself, but the parents solve the math problem for him, because it is high time to go to bed. They prepare a briefcase for tomorrow and clothes, because he will definitely forget something.

As a result of such “help,” the child finds it difficult to adapt to school, and even more difficult to change situations. Is it possible to insure in advance against such undesirable consequences? Of course, if from early childhood (1.5 - 3 years) you follow certain rules:

Even if the child is difficult to cope on his own in some situation, but already has certain skills, calmly give him time to solve his problem. Stumbled and fell, the reaction of the parents, no - oh, horror! What a bad carpet, let's beat it, wise one.

Come on, get up baby. You can already do it yourself.

If you don’t like what the child is doing, instead of the instructive “well, what have you done!” it is worth getting involved in the process and changing the activity of the child imperceptibly, effortlessly.

Independence develops when interest in the world around you awakens by the method of “look”, “touch”, “feel”, “stroke”.

And most importantly, learn to trust your child. WITH early years we give the installation: “You are doing well with me!”, “You are doing well!”, “Cool, you did it in an original way!”

An independent child is one who is able to set his own goals and achieve them himself, able to solve his problems at his own expense: understandably, in accordance with his age.

The two main aspects of independence are the freedom of one's own choice and the ability to pay for this freedom.

At 3 years old, an independent child ties his own shoelaces, at 7 years old he can make his own breakfast and wash his own things, at 8 years old he can do his homework on his own.

The first and simplest thing in raising independence is not to educate lack of independence. Yes, unfortunately, many parents, and more often mothers, do this very persistently. Dependence is brought up in the same way as any other skill and character trait: primarily with the help of suggestions and reinforcement of dependent behavior.

"Don't go! Don't run! But who asks you, stupid! You can't be trusted with anything" - well, what to expect after this?

If a mother is afraid of everything, her child will not grow up to be independent. And what to do? Recognize that male upbringing is more productive, stop hindering it and, on the contrary, support the upbringing activity of the husband.

The story of a participant of summer trainings in Sinton. A 6-year-old boy Danila lives next to us in a tent, always lively, energetic and independent. I ask him: “Listen, Danila, can you chop firewood?” “Of course I can.” “And feed my sister Nastya?” “I feed her anyway. - Danila, why can you do everything? - Well, I'm a man!

Danila is self-confident and self-sufficient. I ask my mother, how did she achieve this? She says: “I am no longer a problem parent, but not an advanced one either. Danila is brought up primarily by my husband, for which he has great respect on my part. My task is not to sabotage, just follow him, not interfere” . And what does a husband do with a child? “He does two things that are difficult for me to do: he is not afraid to give the child more freedom and at the same time teaches him unquestioning obedience. I am afraid to allow Danila to play with a large sharp knife or chop wood for a fire, but Kostya allows him. On the other hand, Danila me He does not always listen, but he executes Kostya's commands immediately, and this calms me down.

Important point independence - the habit and ability to make independent decisions. Yes, but at the same time, parents need the child to make the right decisions. How to combine it?

I grew up on my own. Now I understand that independence, of course, was controlled. And yet, since childhood, I was taught to do everything myself. And they always gave me a choice, creating the illusion that I myself make the decision. Yes, the choice was often uncontested, and having mastered it at the subconscious level, I now use this choice with my children: “Katya, will you have rice porridge or buckwheat?”, “Katya, are we going for a walk in the park or in the forest?”, “ Katya, will you go skating or skiing?

"Teaching to swim by throwing a child into the water" is a mistaken tactic. Stages of developing the skill of independence: 1. The child participates in the work that the elders do, helping them and under the full control of the elders. 2. The child does a new business together with the parents. 3. The child does the job, the parents help him. 4. The child does everything on his own!

The most important issue is the division of responsibility: in what situations should parents help the child, and in what situations should they put him before the fact of the need to solve his problems himself?

In order for a child to get used to acting independently, three conditions must be taken care of: 1. The child's own desire. 2. An obstacle on the way to the object of desire, which the child can overcome. 3. Lasting reward! This idea is brilliant, but how to implement it in life is not always clear right away.

In order for our children (and sometimes already quite adults) to stop being children and become independent, it is important:

Teach children to be obedient. It sounds paradoxical, but it is true: the most reliable way to raise your child is independent if you first teach him to obey you. See →
Indulge in independence. If before the eyes of the child there are beautiful and vivid examples of independent, successful children, the child will want to be like them.
Create situations where independence is possible and they can do it. Give the child at the mercy of some areas in which he can master unfamiliar, unusual actions for him. How will we outline these areas, for example, for a five-year-old child? Write down what your child should be able to do independently and well at age six. For example, set the table, keep toys in order, and so on ... Thus, you create the opportunity for him to do this on his own day after day and hone his skills to the point where the child can completely control this area of actions new to him.
To create situations where independence and adulthood are prestigious and become attractive,
To create situations when independence is obligatory and simply forced. Children just need to be taught to adult life, responsibility and independence, including in adult life, deeds and worries. In Africa, children herd cattle from the age of 3, as soon as they learn to walk well. In the village, children have adult responsibilities from the age of 5-7. "What year are you? - The seventh has passed ..." (Nekrasov, A man with a fingernail).

The main corrective measures are depriving the psychological infantile of his usual cozy comforts, placing him in a situation of real difficulties, placing ever-increasing demands on him. Stop (or consistently reduce) the financial content, demand (oblige) to study and work, serve yourself (go to the store, cook your own food, clean up your things). Take care of family and friends. - All these things are extremely simple, everyday, but it is precisely from this that adult life consists, and it is the fulfillment of these affairs that begins to turn an infantile into an adult.

How to help your child become independent

What needs to be done so that the child learns to make meaningful decisions and be responsible for the consequences of his actions? See →

Free education and education of independence

Contrary to popular belief, free upbringing, giving the child complete independence does not at all lead to the development of independence. A child to whom you have given complete independence is just a child left to any other influences. And who is responsible for what they will be?

Army style of education and education of independence

One of the ways of upbringing independence worked out in culture is the army style of upbringing. See →

Mastering the house: a plan of affairs for an independent man

Letter young man, who decided to start learning independent living: "I am sending you a plan of what I think you need to do every day. You can adjust it to suit your other circumstances. After that, your task is to complete all the points every day. And every day sum up in writing: what he did, what he did not do ... "See.

Often parents are faced with the fact that their child is already 8 years old, but without the help of his mother, he still cannot pack a schoolbag, clean his shoes and make the bed.

When a child asks for help from parents or any of the adults to solve simple questions: how to clean up toys, a plate, how to clean shoes from dirt, etc., this means that he grows up as a dependent person. On the other hand, it's not the child's fault. After all, why do something yourself if you have a beloved grandmother at hand who is ready, in the truest sense of the word, to carry her grandson in her arms and mom and dad who do not have a soul in their child.

Often such an attitude towards your child leads to big problems in the future: the child is absolutely not prepared for an independent life. And as an adult woman or man, she will resort to the elementary help of her parents.

What are the reasons why children grow up dependent? Roots lie, of course, in education. Now, under the influence of a large number of books and television shows, parents devote more time to issues such as the individuality of the child, early development, health issues, and sometimes miss such an important component of his experience as independence. And, of course, styles must be taken into account. family education:

- Authoritarian- with this style, the actions and actions of the child are controlled, they are led, managed, they constantly give instructions and monitor the quality of their implementation. Independence and initiative are suppressed. Physical punishment is often used. The child, as a rule, grows insecure, intimidated, in conflict with peers. IN adolescence, most likely, there will be a difficult crisis period that will complicate the life of parents so much that they will feel helpless. Of course, the child grows dependent.

- Overcooking style- the name itself already tells us that independence with this style of upbringing is completely in the hands of parents. Moreover, all spheres are under control: psychological, physical, social. All decisions in a child's life are made by parents. As a rule, these parents either lost their first child, or waited a long time for the baby to appear, and now fears do not give them the opportunity to trust. Unfortunately, with this style of upbringing, children grow up dependent, dependent on their parents, environment, anxious, infantile (there is childishness), insecure. Up to the age of 40, they can receive help from their parents and ask for advice on how to act in a given situation. Responsibility for situations in life is shifted to loved ones, protecting oneself from feelings of guilt. A dependent child grows up with difficulties in society, it is difficult for him to establish contacts with persons of the opposite sex.

- Chaotic style parenting is one of the most difficult for a child, because there are no clear boundaries and rules. The child is often anxious, there is no sense of security and stability. The upbringing of parents is based on duality, when each of them seeks to realize their opinions regarding the child and any decision is challenged by other adults. Conflict family environment forms a neurotic personality, anxious and dependent. Since there is no role model, because everything is under criticism, there is no certainty about what and how to do the child grows dependent, full of doubts and negative expectations.

- Liberal-permissive style family education (hypoprotection). Education is built on permissiveness and irresponsibility on the part of the child. The desires and demands of children are the law, parents do their best to satisfy the wishes of the child, independence is encouraged, but the initiative of the parents often blocks the child's desire to be independent. It's easier for him to shift everything to his parents. Children grow up dependent, selfish, they shift all the initiative to their loved ones. Relations in society are built according to the user type, which causes difficulties in establishing and developing contacts.

- Alienated style- parents are indifferent to the personality of the child. They feed and clothe him - these are the main components of their efforts. The interests of the child, his passions go unnoticed by the parents. The child has the opportunity to show independence in any area, but without mistakes. If these mistakes complicate the life of parents (strain them), then punishments, screams or reproaches are possible. Unfortunately, with this style of upbringing, an independent child feels a constant lack of attention from parents and relatives. Their independence is very developed and in life they are able to achieve a lot, but it is safe to say that they are deeply unhappy. They can be lonely, insecure, sometimes aggressive people. They have a heightened sense of injustice, which complicates the formation of relationships in society.

- Democratic style upbringing is characterized by positive and progressive positions of parents in relation to the child. Initiative and independence are developed and encouraged by parents. The child is in the center of attention, but at the same time, parents tend not to forget about themselves, thereby showing the child that each family member has its own value. The love and support of parents helps to accept failure in the experience. Attitude towards children as equal partners, therefore, sometimes the requirements from parents to children can be overstated. Children are brought up in an atmosphere of acceptance and exactingness, firmness and discipline. In the future, a person will grow up who will rely on his decisions and be responsible for their implementation.

In fact, it is difficult to stick to one parenting style, so most often all styles are reflected in the reality of the family to one degree or another. It's like a constructor, which is used in the structure of the child's personality. The main thing is not to forget that the task of parents is to teach children independence so that they can rely on themselves and build their lives with all responsibility. Then you can count on the fact that he will live his life the way he wants it.

Independence, like a code, is sewn into the aspirations of every child. In order to develop it and strengthen the internal position of the child in this matter, it is necessary to encourage, support and, of course, develop it. All children show independence, so there is no need to artificially create anything. The main thing is not to interfere, and to contribute even when the results of the child's independence were unsuccessful. Support, believe and tell him about it. For example: "You're doing well", "Let's tell dad how independent you are." Involve children to set the table before meals, go to the country, take care of animals. And evaluate positively, but not exaggerating - it is necessary to praise for the results actually achieved. If a boy wants to help his dad in the garage, you need to take him with you, but do not shout and say that he is annoying him, but rather give him a task that the child will be able to do and he will easily cope with it. Then appreciate his efforts and thank him. After a while, he will be a good helper. And the merit of this is the parents.

The independent manifestation of activity by the child is always focused on praise, on the desire to please the parents. Therefore, more than anything else, the independence of the child is afraid of criticism. Avoid her. Focus your attention not on the results, but on the fact that the child actively participated, although sometimes this participation makes life difficult for parents. Patience and love will help you raise your child to be independent.

Usually, parents are faced with a lack of independence of the child when he begins to go to school. And at this age, parents begin to engage (or not engage) in education. It is important to note that this should be done much earlier, then you can achieve great success in this difficult task.

If a child is taught independence from childhood, this solves many problems: you should not worry about him, leaving him alone at home, you will always be sure that your child will dress correctly for school, will be able to have breakfast on his own in the future, he will be taught to think and think without resorting to the help of parents, grandparents, if necessary. Let the child solve his own problems on his own, if you see that he does not succeed, try to push him to the correct conclusion, but in no case do it instead of him.

Many parents today are faced with the problem when the child is already in the second or third grade and at the same time is not able to clean up after himself, do homework without the help of adults or collect a portfolio. How to teach a child to be independent?

Reasons for lack of independence

Why does a child need to strain somehow if he is used to the fact that mom or dad, often grandmother, are ready to do everything for him? Raising independence in children begins with the fact that parents need to realize that if your child is not prepared for a life in which he will be responsible for his own actions, then in the future he will have big problems, he will not be able to be a worthy father or a caring mother. Independence, as a character trait, is very important for the future formation of personality. In order to figure out how to instill independence in a child, and to self-sufficiency, it is necessary to understand the reasons for lack of independence:

Education is the first reason. Today, parents, having read the forums and watched the programs with might and main, take care of the child's health, development and do not care at all for the child to become independent. Consider the main NOT correct methods of raising children, which lead to the development of insolvency in children:

is the saddest example. Here, the independence of the child is out of the question. All decisions and responsibility for them lie on the shoulders of the parents. Parents are constantly afraid for the child, what will happen to him if he suddenly decides to do this and that. Thus, the parents, or more often, the mother, controls absolutely everything around the child: the physical component, the social and psychological component of the child's development. So the child does not even have a chance to do anything on their own. By the way, in the future, this may lead to the fact that a person, already at the age of 30-40, will still run to his parents for advice on every little thing. In addition, there may be significant difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex.

Authoritarian upbringing in which the child is controlled, limited and led to the smallest detail. It is also an extremely short-sighted approach, since your child grows up in a rigid framework and is not able to assess the consequences of his own actions, which means that in the future he will not be able to do something on his own, corny because of the fear that without a command from above and control, nothing will work. At the same time, the child develops a contradictory, confusing character, which especially “crawls out sideways” in adolescence. Simply put, such an approach to education will definitely not form independence in a child.

Inconsistent upbringing. With such upbringing, the child has a very difficult time, since there is permissiveness, which also does not have a very favorable effect on the independence of the child. An independent child is a self-confident child, and since the upbringing of parents takes place in the style of “who is in the woods who is for firewood” and everyone bends his own line, the child does not have a sense of stability and security. How can you talk about confidence and independence? The child grows up in a constant state of tantrums and anxieties, which means that the child will not be independent, because he simply will not find the confidence to act responsibly. It turns out that no matter what act the child does, one of the parents will praise, the other will scold. Be sure to pay attention to whether there are such behaviors in your family.

Alienation from a child. The parents disengage from the child. The priority is the implementation of the basic needs of the child: feed, clothe. Zero interest from parents. Today you don't care about your child's school performance, but tomorrow you don't care at all. Naturally, such parents will not know anything about the interests of the child. Of course, with this approach, the child has a certain freedom of action and it is possible to develop some independence, but only as long as this does not interfere with the parents. As soon as the child begins to interfere, immediately in order to quickly eliminate the obstacle on the way, parents begin to punish, scold and even insult. Such children certainly have every chance to become independent and achieve something in life, but all this will be done with a share of aggression and hatred for people. At the same time, a person will constantly feel out of place in society. Will such a child be happy in the future?

Permissiveness on the part of parents and permissiveness for the child also does not contribute to the development of independence in children. With such “upbringing”, everything is allowed to the child, and parents strive to satisfy all the desires of their beloved child. Of course, in this case, the child simply does not need to be independent, because the parents decide everything for him. Among other things, such children develop selfishness, because their parents make it clear to them that the whole world is at their feet. Plus, there is no need to talk about normal communication skills with peers either, since all sociability in such children ends with the words “give-give”.

Democracy in the family. Why is it good? Democratic relations in the family are identified with the concepts of mutual respect between parents and children, positive thinking in education and communication. In such a family, the independence of the child is certainly encouraged. It is important to pay enough attention to the child, at the same time it is important to make it clear to the child that everyone in the family is important and equal. It is important that the love and help of parents helps the child to cope with their own failures. So that the child perceives the consequences of his independence and mistakes as a necessary experience. Such an approach will definitely have a positive impact on the development of the character of the child. The main necessary points in the education of independence in children:

demands on the child
acceptance of the child and the development of his individual qualities
education of the personality of the child and education of awareness of one's responsibility for the implementation of ideas

Of course, we are all human and we do not raise children according to some strict model, we all have emotional moments or moments of indifference. The main thing is that such moments do not prevail. However, the methods of education help to influence the child in different ways and form independence. The main thing to remember is that the child in itself is already unique, which means that you do not need to crush his character. The main thing is to teach your child to be responsible for his actions and words - this is how you will bring up independence. In the future, your son or daughter will rely only on their own strength and will not be disappointed in life every day.

At the same time, among other things, the likelihood that at the birth of a younger brother or sister the child will fall into. After all, he will be able to take care of himself and his younger relative 🙂

Independence of a child is a natural quality of every personality that has been instilled since childhood.

How to develop independence in a child? Independence is inherent in every child. The development of independence in children should begin at birth. A baby from the first days of life independently learns everything around. The task of parents is to strengthen the self-confidence of the child and develop independence in him. Do not interfere with the child to be independent and do not interfere with getting results from independent activities. Even if the child makes a mistake, let him finish it. Support, give advice, but do not interfere. Be sure to praise the child, what a fine fellow and how well he did. Give your child some adult task: let him help you with cleaning or washing dishes. Of course, the independence of the child and its boundaries should still be set by the parents, but still be patient and do not swear if the child does something wrong. Gradually, step by step, you will grow a worthy assistant. You will definitely be proud of your child, in a good way! 🙂
Also, in order to teach a child independence, it is important to know that he is able to adequately express his thoughts.
IN primary school, it would be nice to start giving - this is the key to proper financial education and independence.

If a child does something on his own, then he will definitely expect praise, so do not skimp on good words. Don't Criticize Too Hard, Be Softer, otherwise you run the risk of discouraging the child from working in general. If the result was not very good, but do not focus on the result, but praise the child for trying very hard when he helped. Patience and indulgence will help you in raising independence in a child.
By the way, another very good way to accustom a child to independence and responsibility is to give him a pet so that the baby takes care of him and takes care of him. However, you need to figure it out, because everyone has their own temperament.
Also, if you don’t know, for example, ask him about it and let him decide for himself - this will also once again make you feel independent. Unless, of course, your worldview does not conflict with such an idea at all 🙂

In conclusion, I would like to say that most often, sadly, parents see a problem when it is already firmly rooted in the mind of the child. So be sure to be vigilant and do not abandon education, be consistent every day and your baby will definitely be independent and able to make decisions and be responsible for them. And also, if you have independent children, then you are unlikely to ask yourself the question: “?”, since independent children are able to solve their problems themselves. We hope our article has helped you understand how to instill and develop independence in a child. Do not do his work for the child, let him feel the taste of creating something.

The rhythm in which we live today does not allow young mothers to babysit their baby for a long time. Naturally, they face the question of how to teach a child independence without compromising his health, and without distorting his understanding of discipline and norms of behavior. What helps a child reduce dependence on adult care? Children's curiosity, active knowledge of the world around, personal initiative form in the crumbs the desire to do everything yourself. The task of parents is to properly support the noble aspirations of the offspring.

Every parent wants their child to become an independent and responsible person. But how do you teach him this?

What does independence mean for a child?

What does the independence of the child mean from the point of view of parents? Let's figure out what kind of behavior adults want to bring up in a baby in order to talk about him as an independent person. The answers will be:

the ability of the child to carry out some actions without the help of other family members and without the prompting of parents;
solve the problem that confronts him himself and understand that the responsibility for the decision also lies with him;
freely express their thoughts and feelings, without looking back at the opinions of other people;
build your life the way the child wants, and not at the behest and obeying the decisions of others.

These are the views of parents about the independence of the child. However, children grow up, and this concept inevitably clashes with the norms and rules of behavior established in society. There are limits, the transition beyond which can develop into inadequate actions, up to a crime. How to develop independence in a child, which aspects of character to develop:

initiative, when a person experiences an internal need for action;
planning aimed at arranging actions in a certain order in order to achieve the desired result;
purposefulness, manifested in achieving the goal;
responsibility - means that having made a decision, a person is fully responsible for it and its result;
self-assessment and self-control, when only the one who performs some action controls its legal validity and evaluates the achieved result;
social acceptability and awareness that the actions of the individual will not lead to a violation of generally accepted norms;
a creative approach to business, when a person uses his skills and abilities in the conditions offered to him.

The development of independence in a child begins from the moment of his birth. Every action, every step makes him more and more independent.

When to start developing independence in a child?

The famous scientist M. Montessori in his works on pedagogy defines the independence of a person as his biological quality, and therefore innate. It turns out that the development of independence begins at birth. Starting from keeping the head upright and continuing with the formation of various skills, the baby overcomes steps every day that lead him to an independent lifestyle.

In each period of life there is an upbringing of independence in children. A one and a half year old baby runs to help his mother sweep the floor, grabs a hammer from his father to help him hammer in a nail. If you want to see an independent little man in front of you, let him help you, do not ruin the initiative he has shown in the bud. Growing up, your son or daughter will expand their active attempts to do something with you or by replacing you, and each of their actions will contribute to the development of independence in the child.

Explaining to the baby why you are performing this or that action, you will develop in him such an important character trait as determination. When sweeping the floors, he will know that he is doing it in order to keep them clean. So, every day, growing up and mastering new skills, the baby learns to make his own decisions, carry out and be responsible for them, which means the formation of independence in the child.

What methods to apply?

Do not stop the child when he tries to do something on his own

If you decide to train your treasure to self-fulfillment various cases, be patient and act wisely. Simple rules give an answer to how to raise independence in a child:

Whatever business your offspring does, do not rush to help him. Wait until the baby can handle himself, even if his actions lead to dirt or take longer, otherwise it will be difficult for him to learn something. If they help, then only after the child himself asks for it.
The kid is trying to put on panties or wash a cup, do not stop him. Intelligent initiative should be encouraged. Be sure to support the crumbs' attempts, praise his efforts, despite the fact that the pants are worn backwards, and after washing the cup, water is everywhere. Stop once, twice, and you won’t wait long for independence from the child.
Starting to form in children independent behavior, provide a safe space for them to experiment. Remove breakable, piercing, burning objects from the access zone. It is especially important to carry out such a general “cleaning” in the child’s room, then you will not have to constantly monitor the actions of the offspring and pull him up.
Leave the children the right to choose in daily affairs. For example, let the son himself choose a book to read or a hat in which he will go outside today. When compiling a menu for lunch, ask the crumbs what he will eat, rice or potatoes. By offering options, you implicitly show respect for the decision of the son or daughter.

How to deal with the mistakes of the baby?

Of course, the upbringing of independence in a child does not proceed smoothly. Mistakes in the actions of the baby are inevitable, it is important how you treat them. Never scold the baby when he tries, but he does it badly or incorrectly. Mastering some action, the baby can spill water, drop a plate, litter, but without making an effort, he will not learn anything. We teach, not force, remember that.

Let the child help the parents with the housework, if you don’t appreciate this “help”, then in the future you can’t wait for it

Many parents, assuming in advance that nothing will work out for their son or daughter, remove the child, wanting him to avoid a mistake. Such a “service” will lead to the fact that your offspring will not learn anything, and with each unsuccessful attempt, he will begin to abandon the work he has begun. Wrong and warn Negative consequences, with which the action taken by the baby can end.

If the baby undertook to wash the floor and spilled water from the bucket, do not try to smooth out the situation that happened, teach the baby how to act carefully. Praise your child if he did well. Involve children in household chores, clean, wash, dust, water flowers together with them.

What kind of support does the child need?

The main support of parents is to learn to trust their little treasure. Try to combine your knowledge that he is small with the desire to give him complete freedom, otherwise he will not be able to escape from your care. If you constantly monitor the actions of the crumbs, and at the same time stop him with phrases such as: “Don’t go there, you won’t succeed” or “You can’t, you’re still small,” he really won’t succeed. Properly leading the baby to freedom of action will help such words as: “Try, son, you will succeed!” or "Be careful!", "I'll be there if you need help!".

Parental authority is also important when it manifests itself not in authoritarianism, but in teaching the child by example. Young children should not be ordered and forbidden, but shown how it is right, how convenient. Regular prohibitions and demands for unquestioning obedience to your will can develop in the little man a sense of his own helplessness. The picture will look sad when a 10-year-old son cannot even take a bicycle out into the street. Try to instill in children a firm belief in themselves.

How to teach independent behavior of a 3-4-year-old child?

If you want a 7-8-year-old student to quickly get used to school, take a responsible approach to learning and keep his school supplies in order, instill in him initiative and determination from an early age. How to cooperate with a 3-4 year old baby:

Try not to stop the initiative impulses of your son or daughter. Never tell him that you will do something better, instill in him an interest in any reasonable action. For example, a 3-year-old daughter really wants to help you wash the dishes, but you understand that she will not do it as well as you. Let the baby “splash”, and then discreetly home the plates yourself, and then at 8-10 years old you will get a skilled assistant.

Of course, it is necessary to protect the child from danger, but you need to know the measure in everything. A child should not look back at mom or dad before doing something.

A child at 3-4 years old can already serve himself. If toys need to be put away, let your treasure do it. No matter how long such an activity takes him, do not rush him and help him. Encourage your baby to dress without the help of mom or dad. First he will learn to put on socks, then a shirt, and soon he will easily cope with all items of clothing. Make the choice of clothes according to the weather together with the child, suggesting why you need to wear this particular thing.
The help of parents in some matters is needed only when the baby himself asks for it. For example, a child enthusiastically collects the details of the designer, but he does not come out exactly according to the drawing. If the baby asks for help, give it. However, children are inquisitive and inquisitive, they themselves can solve the problem if they think carefully, so do not rush to run to his aid.

How can you help a preschooler?

Having achieved some success in younger age, you have come to the time when it is time to prepare the child for more serious changes in his life, or rather, for entering school. Obviously, independence is very important for a child at school. How to help a preschooler:

Start with small assignments, gradually accustoming your preschooler to discipline. Ask him to make the bed or feed the dog, water the flowers, or clean the room.
There comes a time when it is necessary to move a little family member away from the constant presence of adults in his life. Try to leave baby preschool age one house for a short time.
Many fathers and mothers turn the simple support of children into permanent custody. Excessive guardianship is harmful to the growing consciousness, it can undermine the child's faith in his own abilities and strengths, he must make his own decisions, especially at preschool age.

Having discussed all the components, we get that the upbringing of independence in a child is the upbringing correct behavior parents towards their little treasure. Raising independence in children is based on encouragement and support, then you will really help them become a full-fledged person who has their own opinion and is able to be responsible for their actions.