How to build a happy family. Interview with psychologist Olga Ladia. How to create a happy family How to create a strong and happy family

Properly prioritized. If you have a career in the first place, then problems in the family simply cannot be avoided. The children are neglected, the husband is “disliked”, everyone is stressed.
Don't be afraid of responsibility. Take responsibility for the atmosphere in the family. Blaming your partner will only make your relationship worse. Only you make your life, no one directs you from above. Therefore, the mood in the family and other spheres of life will depend only on you. Maybe you have heard the phrase from others: “if our mother is in a bad mood, then the whole family is in a bad mood.”
Private touches. Sometimes a person is like a prickly hedgehog all day long, that you won’t tell him, he snorts and frowns. And only one hug, one touch or one kiss melts the icy heart and the mood rises by itself.
Pleasant surprises. Do something that you don't normally do to diversify your life: passionate texting, little present, boat trip together, etc.
Respect for personal boundaries. Do not supervise a partner or children every second. The first one needs to get bored and relax so that feelings play again, and the second one needs to learn independence and socialization without your support.
Acceptance of a partner for who he is. Common cause quarrels in a couple are attempts to change a partner, his habits, principles, etc.

Any person wants care, understanding and warmth. The house in which he finds all these qualities becomes dear and irreplaceable. Coming back to a place like this is a pleasure. In addition, you want to pay good for good.

In addition, a happy couple is not annoyed by minor flaws and features of each other. They understand that arguing over socks or an unopened toilet lid is stupid. If you love each other, then accept all the little things and do not swear over trifles. It is precisely such nuances that spoil the mood, but spoil it for those who are looking for it themselves.

One of the clear signs of a successful union is attention. This includes a haircut, a new tie, a change in habit, and many such things. But besides this, there is another attention, which is expressed in the ability to listen, give practical advice, not interrupt the interlocutor and sincerely be interested in his life.

Everyone noticed that sometimes all the ears buzzed to their soul mate about the importance of the upcoming event, and when it passed, then native person didn't even ask about it. Everyone's memory is different, but when you truly love and respect a person, you also worry about his deeds.

As for attention, this is a very broad topic, which is one of the most important criteria for a happy family. Attention is the ability to hear the desires, dreams and tastes of another. Give long-awaited gifts, buy favorite flowers and don't even forget that he likes to dilute tea with cream, not milk.

No less striking sign of a happy relationship is considered self-sacrifice. This does not mean that you need to throw yourself out of a window or under a train if another has done so. You can sacrifice time, favorite things and comfort. You need to be able to share a delicious cake, a blanket, a jacket with love. Caring people, first of all, are interested in the opinion and desire of another, and only then express their own.
In a happy family no hard feelings, and all objections are heard in a calm tone and without pretensions. Good words, compliments are not flattery, but love that you want to express. Perhaps respect is the most correct synonym for a happy family. Without it, relationships will quickly die.

Relationship between parents and children

Children in a happy family also become happy, because everything is interconnected. When you are constantly given warmth and care, you yourself want to give it all in return. From such a house you will not want to run away or come too late. You will want to return there, because they will help you cope with any difficulties and problems.

For a child, a healthy and happy family means sincerity, calmness and devotion. It is important for him that actions are proved not only by words, but also by actions, because this is the building of trust. They want to hear advice that will help them solve their problems, and not just comments and dissatisfaction. And children also need compliments, because each of us loves with “ears”.

Kids most of all need approval and support, because dad and mom are authority for him. If they find time for him, help and listen, then various complexes are automatically excluded. It has already been proven that most problems with the psyche and self-esteem come from childhood. Usually such children grow up in families where people mocked him, abused bad habits, were constantly busy or often scolded.

In order to understand how to become a happy family, it is important to understand that a lot depends not only on you, but also on the other person. If you have already thought about how to make your family happy, then this is a great progress. You must understand what does not suit you and what things spoil your relationship. It is best to make a list on a paper sheet, for clarity.

Take more time to write down the causes of conflicts. Write down absolutely every little thing that you remember. Keep in mind that you need to indicate not only the guilt and mistakes of your loved one, but also your own. It is honesty that will show that you are also not an ideal person and the other is also having a hard time.

Then go through your list and try to get out of each situation with dignity. Act out the scene and come up with other words and expressions that will lead to peace, not war. You can do this in private, or you can offer such a game to your spouse or young man in advance.

Tell your partner what you want to create happy family and ask his opinion. We assure you that you will be fully reciprocated. Sharing decisions and discussing problems will help you get each other's opinions. If you constantly cursed and fought, then after this conversation, everything will not change in one day. At first, you will control yourself, break down and apologize somewhere, but then you will be genuinely happy - on automatism.

Creating peace in the house is work that is rewarded sooner or later. There are several secrets and recipes for a happy family:

Think before voicing your emotions. Very often, all conflicts occur because of the little things that hurt the accumulated anger. It is not true that it is necessary to throw out anger at people, because you can get rid of it with the help of sports, a good movie or going to the attraction. And what does not suit you should be discussed at moments when you feel good.
It is easy to give unexpected gifts and arrange surprises. Absolutely does not require attachments a note with a declaration of love, secretly hidden in the pocket of the spouse. If there is no money for flowers, then sometimes you can pick the same dandelions to show that you care. And if you buy a bouquet, then your favorite, and not the one that is conveniently sold near the house. It is important to listen and note desires that are accidentally said aloud and try to fulfill them as much as possible.
Do not be afraid to give compliments, because from beautiful words man blossoms. Just do not confuse compliments with flattery, because it is immediately felt. The bottom line is that we often notice some details in a loved one that we like, but decide not to talk about them.
Praise your loved ones for what they do for you. When there is feedback, then there is a desire to repeat good deeds. Try to give thanks for the cooked food, for the things put away, for the fact that they just hold the door for you. Do not think that everyone owes you, even though people do it disinterestedly.
Keep up the passion with your loved one. Arrange romantic evenings, buy beautiful lingerie, send SMS with intimate words or even a photo if you have done this before. Warm up your feelings and don't think that there can't be something new in your life.
Take care of your home wardrobe. If you are already a family, this does not mean that you can relax as much as possible. After all, there is a comfortable but beautiful clothes for home. Why do we so often buy things for going out or for work, and wear T-shirts and tights on the sofa to the holes?
Look after yourself. No one talks about round-the-clock styling and luxurious makeup. You can look simple, but well-groomed. It is important to constantly observe body hygiene, walk with clean hair and so on. Girls can make masks when a loved one is at work, so as not to scare him.
If you quarreled, then come up to put up first. Such a gesture means that you do not want to continue your conflict, but you love the person so much that you forget about pride. Believe me, such a step will definitely be appreciated.
Take an interest in business and the past day. Sometimes a person waits for you to ask him about it and does not tell himself. Unjustified expectations accumulate resentment, but it is easier not to generate them. Attention to the life of another is the basis of a happy family.
Ask each other for advice. This applies to important purchases as well. life situations. Keep in mind that if you are interested, then please follow this parting word, because otherwise there will be a reverse effect.
Show care in the little things. You can always close the door and not talk loudly on the phone when your loved one is sleeping. It is also elementary to simply clean his shoes at the same time as yours. There are a lot of similar moments and you are mistaken that others do not notice them.
Support your loved one when they feel bad. All people make mistakes and at these moments they feel especially depressed. Even if you disagree with the act of another, but the person himself realized his mistake, so you should not finish him off. By the way, it can be bad physically. Even with a regular flu, you want to feel a little support. It's very easy to make tea or bring a blanket when you really care about the person.
Sharing your thoughts, secrets is also necessary. What kind of happy family can we talk about if people do not know anything about each other?
Selfishness should be eradicated. This is an insanely bad quality that quickly ruins relationships. You need to understand that your loved one also has certain interests. Sometimes you can go to a movie genre that he likes or dine at a cafe that has your spouse's favorite dessert. It is best to agree that each of you is not against sometimes sacrificing something familiar.
Respect friends, acquaintances and relatives of your loved one. These are his native people and only he has the right to condemn them for something.

Myths about family happiness

Even in a happy family there may be some shortcomings, but usually they are associated with a personal attitude. Many people mistake other values for peace and quiet in the home. Consider the most popular myths:

Some believe that happy relationship in the family fall from the sky. People believe that the two are just lucky and they are only compatible in terms of horoscope, temperament or other stupid details. But there is absolutely no ideal people and each has its own shortcomings and troubles. You create your own happiness.
People think they're just not made for families.. For example, they do not build relationships or they cannot conceive a child. One of the couple decides that such is the fate and loneliness of their lot. However, everyone can have difficulties, and well-being must be earned by one's own efforts.
Wrong opinion and incomplete family who can't be happy. Single parents raise their children well and love them for two. Even a lack of funds or the absence of a loved one cannot spoil relationships where they are strong and sincere. Marriage without children is another matter, but it may also have its own reasons. There are people who live their whole lives for themselves and are happy about it, because they initially discussed their desire. There are also those who cannot have a child, but love always helps them find a way out. Very often, with a sincere desire, miracles happen, and sometimes a couple decides to adopt.
Especially ridiculous is the myth of prosperity, without which it is impossible happy marriage . Very often quarrels and conflicts occur in families where there is a lot of money. There, people could initially choose a partner not for love, but because of self-interest. Yes, finances matter in our time, but they are not the basis of everything. In a family where both partners love, everyone tries, and everyone sees the aspirations of the other.
Also, people believe that in a happy family there are no difficulties and disagreements.. These things happen to everyone, but the right attitude exists only in a happy union. A quarrel is not only insulting and humiliating each other, but also expressing one's thoughts and desires. Even a conflict can take place quite peacefully.

In fact, there are a lot of such myths and misconceptions. Sometimes people do not want to try and just change people, in the hope that they got the wrong person, and the ideal half is already somewhere nearby. Many should understand that we ourselves are the smiths of our own happiness, because it is not for nothing that this expression has existed for so many centuries.

There are at least two ways to establish family relationships: grinding and building. The path of the heart and the path of the mind. Women's and men's approach to building relationships. See →

How much and how much you love each other - this is one conversation. Do you live in a family, and which family is another conversation. And what kind of relationship do you have with all this - this is completely about the third. So how do you build and maintain strong and warm family relationships?

The strength of the family consists of three things: a well-established life, the attractiveness of partners and the presence of community in the family. A well-established life is a good worldly base, well-established relationships, certainty with power in the family and (in which case) a culture of showdowns. The attractiveness of partners is their status, image, sex and love. Community in the family is created by common values and views, common concerns and common perspectives, necessary condition for this - trusting and open communication. See →

Good relationships are always easier to build in the beginning than to redo later. Initially, set the format and style of relationships that you consider mandatory. Inattention to this point in a relationship is fraught with future conflicts and showdowns. See →

To improve your relationship

Figure it out, decide what you want: your goals and values in a relationship.
Understand, decide in what specific forms and scenarios you need all this,
Tell it to your partner in such a way that he understands it, and understand what the partner needs,
Negotiate mutually acceptable options. See →

Options for solving the main issues of family life

About living together. Cohabitation of spouses is highly desirable as it strengthens the family and reflects a high level of relationship, but is not mandatory. Accordingly, it is not a tragedy if, due to some circumstances, one of the spouses decided to live separately. See →

About the right to privacy. Free people, entering into marriage, remain free people. The husband is not the property of the wife, the wife is not the property of the husband. See →

Loyalty and betrayal. People of high culture always agree on these issues. For everyone else, these questions are a source of ultimate danger. See →

How to maintain warmth and closeness in the family? For gratitude in family relationships, see

Many couples, and especially newlyweds, think that their marriage life will be easy and cloudless, and the feeling of falling in love will not leave them until the very end. In fact, a long and happy life is obtained only if both spouses work hard at it.

There are many examples of unhappy marriages. Someone gets divorced immediately after the wedding, and someone - after twenty years life together. After reading the statistics, you can become a real cynic. But there is also happy couples who live and grow old together. Why did they succeed? Below we will talk about 35 secrets of family happiness.

1. Share with each other

Especially the way you feel right now. Many people think that this main secret happy family relationships. After all, it is very difficult to achieve mutual understanding and harmony if the spouses keep everything inside.

2. Remember, this will pass.

Many people know this phrase from the parable of King Solomon. Whatever happens in your life, always remember that this too shall pass.

3. Show more passion

Greet each other with a kiss every morning and have sex more often (even in old age). After all, as experience shows, passion is a habit and can easily die out if it is not maintained. Well, physical affection helps not to lose touch with a partner.

4. Don't scold children

Children can be a lot of trouble and stress. But over time, they will grow up and leave you, starting their own life.

5. Forget about small problems

It pays to think bigger. Think about how many of you forgot to turn on the dishwasher 10 years later. Such problems are so insignificant over a long period of time that they should not affect marital relations in any way.

6. Fill the refrigerator

Do not deny yourself such small pleasures. So be sure to fill the fridge with your favorite foods.

7. Make time for yourself

It is very important that the husband and wife have time for their own hobby. After all, a favorite activity makes a person happy and gives a lot of energy. Life shows that the most harmonious relations in those married couples where husband and wife have equal opportunities for self-realization.

8. Don't hold back your emotions

Immediately share with your partner things that cause you anxiety. Do not allow negative emotions to accumulate, as this can lead to a nervous breakdown.

9. Don't take everything to heart

Well, things that are very annoying should be avoided altogether.

10. Compromise

For many, this means giving up their own principles. In fact, compromise is a powerful impetus in the development of relations. And not necessarily he should violate the principles of one of the spouses. The main thing is to discuss everything in detail and find a solution that would suit both.

11. Don't take your relationship for granted

They need to be constantly worked on.

12. Be spontaneous

This is necessary so that family life does not turn into a routine. For example, you can in last moment change vacation location. Or for no reason to give a partner a gift.

13. Be polite

Treat your partner with understanding and kindness. After all, you yourself chose him as your life partner.

14. Be patient

The level of development of husband and wife can vary greatly. Therefore, it is worth showing patience with a partner who is not very advanced in any of the areas.

15. Celebrate

Be sure to celebrate all holidays and memorable dates together.

16. Find common hobbies

It can be cycling, swimming in the pool, cooking classes, etc. Joint activities help strengthen relationships.

17. Spend time together

Marry only with the partner you enjoy spending time with.

18. Say your wishes out loud

19. Go to parties together

Be sure to take the time to visit them. This is especially important when children have already appeared in the marriage and the family routine begins to drag out. And in order to go to a party, it does not take a lot of time and money.

20. Keep a joint budget

At the same time, you can discuss your plans for the future and dreams. Competent planning family budget will help you achieve your goals in the shortest possible time.

21. Surprise each other

Remember how at the beginning of your relationship you planned to spend the weekend together, gave each other small gifts, exchanged touching messages. These things are worth doing in marriage, because it shows your partner that you love him.

22. Show appreciation

Especially when the other half does something for you. Of course, you can read gratitude in the face, but it's always nice to hear it out loud.

23. Help and support

This applies to both domestic and work issues.

24. Don't criticize

Before you condemn your partner for something, try to put yourself in his place and understand the reason for his actions. And superficial criticism will only cause negative.

25. Laugh at each other

Treat all life events with humor. It closely borders on such a state as happiness.

26. Communicate more often

If the relationship is at an impasse, then you should talk with your partner and find out how serious everything is. It may turn out that this is just a short black stripe, followed immediately by a white one.

27. Make friends

Moreover, the situation will be quite normal when the wife and husband have different friends. Well, it doesn’t hurt to have a common one either.

28. Be generous

This is especially true for two things - time and money.

29. Be happy

If this state disappears, then make every effort to return it.

30. Don't get defensive

Don't think that your partner's main goal is to pressure you to accept their point of view. Any point of contention can be discussed from a position of love and kindness.

31. Trust and be trustworthy

Mutual openness is very important in marriage.

32. Remember the reasons for falling in love

Never forget why you fell in love with your partner. It doesn't matter what it is, humor or ambition. It is important to always remember this.

33. Compliment

Talk to your soulmate about your love more often and give compliments.

34. Make an effort

Remember that marriage can be very fragile. And to save it, you need to make a lot of effort.

35. Enjoy your marriage

Over time, new housing, children, domestic problems, etc. will appear. Everything will only get more complicated. Therefore, right now, hug your partner and enjoy the current moment.

- Stage of patience. There are quarrels, but they are not so fatal. There is an understanding that the quarrel will end, the relationship will be restored. In a couple, the thought runs: “This can be dealt with.” And here the law of conservation of energy comes into play: no energy disappears, it is transformed. The energy of patience is transformed into the energy of reason. And then we finally see our partner through the prism of reason, and not through our sensuality or selfishness.

— The stage of duty and respect. At this stage, the understanding comes that the partner is not obliged to do as I want. You begin to see your partner's strengths and your weaknesses. You begin to think not about “my partner owes me”, but about “I owe my partner”. Focusing on your responsibilities is a powerful resource for developing relationships.

- Stage of friendship. At this stage, common goals are formed on the basis of common values.

— Stage of love.

Up to and including the fourth stage, we are focused on what we are owed. In the steps that follow, we focus on what we need.

When a woman gets married, she ends up in another family. We all know that relationships with the mother-in-law are sometimes difficult? Not having built harmonious relations with her husband's parents, one can hardly talk about a happy family.

Think about the word "marry". We go for the husband. But the husband is a representative of his family. And in fact, we are going under the auspices of our husband's Family. Hence the tradition of changing surnames. And we do it voluntarily.

If we realize this, then there will be no problem in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship. If you volunteer consciously enter into the Family of your husband, then how can you deny its representatives, in particular the mother-in-law?

And in life, we often demand from a spouse a kind of renunciation of his kind. In principle, this is the same selfishness. And if you have a natural relationship with your mother, a natural closeness, then you need to make efforts with your mother-in-law. The mother-in-law, however, like the father-in-law, needs to be given more attention, i.e. invest more energy in relationships than with their parents. The same is true for the spouse.

His attention, his energy belongs more to his wife's parents than to his own. This formula gives excellent long-term results.

I can't help but give an example from practice. A client made a request about a bad relationship with her mother-in-law. We have reached the stage of understanding that the mother-in-law should be given more attention and love. How? The insight came to the client like this: I know that she really wants to get a pedicure, but she has problem feet, and it is difficult for her to find a master. Maybe, the best gift, a sign of attention will be a pedicure made by me. The client is a manicure and pedicure master. In this process, something important happened for both of them: both bowing their heads in front of an older woman and at the same time demonstrating their qualifications, which caused reverse respect. Relations improved.

Olga, I know that in your course “Success of a man. The happiness of a woman” is there a theme of family selfishness? What it is?

The selfishness of spouses grows in proportion to the time invested in the family. The more and longer people are together, the more rights they impose on a partner. This is family selfishness, which directs the family to collapse. Position “Why me? Why not you? - destroys relationships. Position “I will gladly do something for you!” - Preserves, develops and builds relationships. Rescues conscious disinterestedness towards each other. A higher form of selflessness, which reduces selfishness in the family, is doing for others, conscious selflessness outside the family.

Olya, what three main pieces of advice would you give to women who understand that they are responsible for peace and happiness in the family?

The energy of inspiration belongs to a woman - inspire your men. If a woman believes in her man, he reaches the top. If he looks like "lost" - he is gone. We women are very strong in the world, in the material sphere. Be chaste. Chastity is not only about marrying a virgin. It is, first of all, to be sure that for you the most the best man- your husband. Accept your men. Totally! Acceptance is an unconditional agreement with some qualities, traits and characteristics of your man, without the desire to change it or fight it.

I would like to finish like this: A woman gives a man the right to do what he wants, while reserving the right to ask for what she wants.

The interview was conducted and prepared by Tatyana Dzutseva

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How to make family life interesting and eventful

Over time, family life can become boring and uninteresting. Spouses get so used to each other that they begin to take their loved one for granted. Evenings and weekends are the same. But it is up to you to change the situation.

Knowing some of the nuances of family relationships will allow you to avoid the most critical moments and achieve love and harmony.

Feelings

Family happiness is impossible without love, this is the most important and important point. You cannot be happy knowing that you are unloved, that your husband does not appreciate you and does not show you any warm feelings. The only way out in this case is to part with the person to whom you are indifferent.

But do not rush to conclusions, trying to understand whether you are loved or not. Love is not only and not so much gifts and signs of attention, but a true consonance of souls. Commonality of spiritual qualities, outlook on the world, coincidence of tastes and preferences. Of course, there are always some differences, but there are still many things that unite. There are always some disagreements in the family, sometimes they result in scandals - but even in this case there is no reason to say that you are not loved.

Respect

If your husband has some interests and there is nothing reprehensible in them, do not interfere with them. A person needs rest for the soul, an opportunity is needed to escape from pressing problems at least for a while. Let your husband relax, do what he likes. This does not mean that he should spend all his free time from work as he wants. Just keep a balance between his interests and yours.

What is the desire to be loved worth? What is worth agreeing to, and what will not lead to success? Let's watch the video!

Plans

Together plan a specific time for solving certain problems and tasks. When some things are planned in advance, you can prepare for them, they do not take you by surprise. Plan a joint vacation together, this perfectly harmonizes relationships.

Forgiveness

Everyone makes mistakes, and you and your husband are no exception. Each person can get excited in some situation, say something superfluous, commit some kind of rash act. Forgiveness is the best evidence of love - it was not for nothing that the holy fathers said that love covers everything. At the same time, forgiveness should not inspire a sense of permissiveness.

Finance

The situation when a husband and wife keep their capital separately is unacceptable - although many families live this way. There is a normal traditional way, when the husband gives all the money he earns to his wife, the keeper of the hearth. And already she decides how best to dispose of them.

Children

If there are children in the family, this is the most in the best way brings spouses together, brings them a lot of happiness. Caring for children gives a huge number of joyful moments, leaves a lot of pleasant memories.

Interests

This allows you to spend leisure time together, brings you together spiritually. Hobbies can be very different, from skiing to love for Russian poetry and films. The more time you spend together, the stronger your relationship, the more happiness in your life.

Present

They do not have to be expensive - it's not about gifts, but about attention. Take care of each other, give each other pleasant moments, and in your family life love and harmony will reign.