Why does a child often hysteria. Tantrums in a child (2 years). Children's tantrums: what to do? When passion subsided

Your the child is hysterical for any reason There are psychological explanations for this.

There are adjustment methods to help parents find mutual language with your child.

Learn how to deal with childish jealousy from ours.

Hysteria: concept and how it manifests itself

Hysteria in a child is a behavior beyond the limits of adequate and calm.

The baby may start crying loudly, falls to the floor, kicks, screams. At this time, it is problematic to calm him down.

Him seizures may occur, at this time the child does not hear the words addressed to him, and when trying to calm him down, he starts screaming even more.

Hysteria manifests itself in response to the inability to get what you want. The child wants a thing or perform some action, but parents or circumstances prevent this. As a result, a seizure occurs when it is almost impossible to control the behavior of the baby.

A child during tantrums becomes “temporarily unavailable”, that is, it is impossible to reach him, make him think logically, pay attention to the wrongness of an act.

After recession is coming when a child seeks solace for his grief.

Causes at different ages

Already at one year old, the child begins to actively move around the apartment. His goal is to learn as much as possible, to feel, to try. He still does not understand the danger, but her parents see her, who try to prohibit unwanted actions.

When you can't get what he wants, baby begins to feel frustrated, that is, his needs are not satisfied. This spills over into anger, crying, moving arms, kicking the floor.

Closer to two years, children begin to have needs and desires.

They actively explore the world They want to touch and feel everything. He already walks steadily, he can climb chairs himself, reach the shelves.

The child understands that the store they go to has a lot of interesting things, and he also wants to have them. But parents understand the danger of the world around them and try to instill in their child some correct character traits.

Why is the baby throwing tantrums? Causes of tantrums at 2 years of age are:

misunderstanding - the child tries to say something, but cannot express it in words. As a result, the parents do not know what he wants, and the baby begins to act up;
the desire to attract attention to themselves - in the case when the mother or father devotes little time to him, they do not want to fulfill his request;
fatigue, feeling of hunger;
during illness - immunity is weakened, the baby feels unwell, needs increased care;
imitating the behavior of peers or adults;
overprotection;
when distracted from an interesting activity;
conflicts in the family;
changes in the usual way of life - the departure of one of the family members, moving, starting to visit a kindergarten, even repairs;
unsatisfied need for love - little man Most of all, he needs warmth and the feeling that he is loved.
He cannot express it in words, but, neglect, irritation from loved ones feels good.

This upsets him, the psyche can not cope with the fact that the baby;
hyperactivity.

At the age of three, the child passes crisis period. At this time, tantrums occur in many children.

But they are most clearly manifested in choleric or melancholic temperament, as well as mistakes in education.

When a child goes to kindergarten, he meets a new environment for him. At this time, tantrums can happen on the basis of and unwillingness to attend a social institution.

What are the causes of obsessive movements syndrome in a child? find out right now.

About the reasons for children's tantrums in this video:

Misconceptions and myths about baby crying

Crying for a child natural response to internal and external stimuli. He thus expresses that something is wrong in his world.

Crying annoys parents, sometimes they think that the baby whines and worries over trifles, but in fact even simple situations matter to him.

The main myths of baby crying:

It will just pass. Some parents think that let him cry, he will calm down and everything will be forgotten. In fact, any negative states are reflected in the psyche of a growing person.
"Men do not cry" - instilled in boys from childhood. As a result, they are forced to drive their experiences inside. negativity accumulates, it leads to disorders nervous system and somatic diseases in the future.
Children cry over nothing. Everything matters to a child. He still does not know how to distinguish between the significant and the insignificant. The machine broke down - this is an important and offensive event for him.

Cry- a natural reaction of the psyche to an irritant, so you should not scold a child for such an emotional manifestation.

How to understand the cause of hysteria in a child and help him calm down? The main types of tantrums:

Why does he whine about everything?

Whining a baby for any reason can mean lack of attention.

If the mother is more concerned about her problems, and the child annoys her, he tries by any means to become noticeable.

Whining happens in families where an unhealthy atmosphere- quarrels, domestic problems. The child can also adopt the behavior of significant adults - if one of them is used to complaining, then the preschooler unconsciously begins to copy it.

Some children have hyperemotionality i.e. increased sensitivity. In this case, tears arise easily and at the slightest provocation. You should take into account this property of the psyche, perhaps visit a specialist.

However, this should not be a strong cause for concern - it is simply a special property of the nervous system, a melancholic temperament.

What to do if the baby is constantly freaking out and yelling?

How to wean a child to throw tantrums and whine for any reason? First of all it is important to determine the cause. Then tantrums will be easier to prevent.

With each time, it becomes more and more difficult to prevent tantrums. Parents are lost with violent manifestations, they themselves begin to scream or try to appease the baby.

In severe cases tantrums can be repeated up to 10-15 times a day, which exhausts parents and especially the child himself.

In advanced cases, it is still better to visit child psychologist consultation.

Having studied the characteristics of the family, methods of education, the state of the nervous system of the baby, the accompanying stresses, he will give recommendations on how to most safely cope with the violent emotional and uncontrollable behavior of the child.

What to do if the child constantly whines? Psychologist's advice:

Weaning hysteria in 10 months-1 year

Parents need learn to keep calm. The child adopts the emotional state of loved ones, and especially the mother. If the mother herself is nervous, irritated with the baby, then his psyche becomes unstable.

To prevent the beginning of a tantrum, you should calm down yourself. Talk to your child slowly and quietly. Screaming will only increase the fear and crying.

child at this age can be easily distracted- give a toy, turn on the music, pay attention to the animal.

At 2-3-4 years old

At this time of hysteria are the most frequent.

They can be spontaneous, occur at night when the baby suddenly wakes up and starts screaming.

Usually by the age of four the seizures are gone, but with the wrong approach, they manifest themselves at a later age.

Parents' actions:

follow the regimen. With the wrong mode, the biological clock fails, it is difficult for the body to tune in to wakefulness and rest, as a result, the child increases fatigue, irritability;
teach your child to express their desires in words. No need to pressure and force, help him find the right words;
if the child is easily excitable, minimize the likelihood of irritating factors;
explain the reasons for the ban.

During an attack, parents should not respond to the cry.

One way is to go about your business, turn away slightly, but in such a way that you can control what is happening. Do yourself something interesting that will arouse children's curiosity.

At 5-6 years old

A child at this age is already quite conscious. He can understand the consequences of certain actions, distinguishes wrong actions.

To prevent tantrums, you must:

In this age getting ready for school, they begin to demand more and more from the child, they teach him the norms of behavior. The baby has fears. Stress accumulates and spills out in hysterical fits.

To patronize, to cherish excessively, to fulfill any whims of the baby is not worth it. This will have the opposite effect.

If a child holds his breath during tantrums, don't be too scared. One of the methods is to blow lightly in the face, and the baby will reflexively take a breath.

Tantrums most often occur in the presence of certain family members, usually a grandmother or mother. Fathers are more calm and consistent, so emotional outbursts are less common with him.

One way to get rid of children's tantrums - send the child to kindergarten. Children there behave differently.

In the absence of constant spectators who react to his seizures, the child will not fall into tantrums. There are other children that he will be ashamed of, and caregivers who cannot be manipulated.

What to do if the child is afraid to poop? help you!

At 7-8 years and older

The period when the child enters a significant stage - starts going to school.

For him, this is a new environment, the need to follow the rules, learn lessons, communicate with a large number of children, obey the requirements of parents and teachers.

At this age, tantrums may occur for the first time or continue those that accompanied the development of the baby for recent years because the parents did nothing.

What to do at this age:

explain the restrictions. After 7 years, the child already knows what is acceptable and what is not;
draw his attention to the inadmissibility of such behavior;
note that his peers do not behave this way;
parents should agree among themselves on the methods of education so that there are no contradictions when one allows and the other prohibits;
do not back down and do not change the decision made. If the child achieves his own behavior, then the attacks will be repeated again.

After the tantrums you need establish tactile contact- hug, take by the hand. Then you can talk, calm down. Tantrums are more characteristic of capricious and excitable children, so you need to pay attention to surrounding the child with a calm environment.

If convulsions occur during tantrums, consciousness suffers, then it is better to seek advice from a neurologist or visit a psychologist.

What can't be done?

There are activities that can harm a child and exacerbate tantrums.

It is useful for parents to learn to anticipate the onset of a tantrum. Preventing it before it starts is easier than calming down a screaming baby.

If a child, using tantrums, still learns to get his way, this may have long-term consequences. From a capricious preschooler, he turns into an uncontrollable teenager. Therefore, at the first seizures, urgently start looking for the causes and ways to eliminate them.

What mistakes do parents make when they cause tantrums in children? Find out from the video:

Due to a weakened nervous system, children are often capricious, expressing their dissatisfaction with crying, stamping their feet, etc. Hysteria in a child is a common problem, it is important to approach its solution correctly.

Capricious child: norm or problem

Children's hysteria is a common phenomenon. Even the most modest peanuts, whose quiet behavior their parents do not stop admiring, can arrange scenes with screams and crying. Parents, on the other hand, are always familiar with the behavior of their baby, and they rarely notice any problems.

Only when the tantrum of their child begins on the street, in front of strangers, do they pay attention to the behavior of the baby, because. arranged by a child scenes can make mom or dad feel embarrassed. It's all about the obsessive thought that the hysterical crying of a peanut will make strangers have the wrong opinion: these people are not raising their child this way.

For the last 5–7 years, psychologists have begun to talk seriously about the problem of hysteria in children. The research results were surprising. Seizures disturb more than 80% of babies under the age of 6 years, more than half of them are naughty all the time, 1-3 times a day, 2-3 days a week.

Psychologists are sure that it is not difficult to distinguish children's tantrums from ordinary rare whims. The first appear suddenly, have a certain frequency and duration.

In addition to the usual crying and screaming, seizures are often accompanied by uncontrollable behavior when the baby harms himself (scratching his hands and body, banging his head against walls, etc.), so they have terrible consequences.

It is important for parents to identify the pathological condition of their own child in a timely manner, because, in addition to the risk of harming themselves, they can also influence adults with their behavior.

When a baby is hysterical with or without reason, many fathers and mothers are ready to do everything to calm him down. Therein lies the error. Parents themselves allow their child to manipulate them, which only exacerbates the problem.

Causes of hysteria in children

The physiological cause of hysteria lies in the violation of the development of children. As children, we were all impressionable, hyperactive, dependent on the actions of our parents.

A child, like a sponge, absorbs any information received during the day. But he still doesn’t know how to use it rationally, so any harsh noise, scandals in the family, scary heroes of fairy tales, and even compulsion to eat an unloved dish lead to a stressful situation. The result of vivid impressions is hysteria with all its manifestations.

This reaction is a manifestation of self-defense, a way to relieve nervous tension during stress. But her reasons often seem ridiculous to adults: the mother disappeared from sight, another child took away her favorite toy, an unfamiliar uncle appeared in the house.

This is due to the fact that unpleasant memories associated with certain situations have formed in the subconscious of the baby. Parents often miss such important details.

To overcome frequent whims, adults should still pay attention to all the little things that can affect the change in the emotional state of their child. And only after identifying them, you can work with children's emotional state, imagination and perception of the world by the baby.

stressful state

First and most common cause hysteria is stress. From 4–5 months. children are taught to be independent. He is taught to take a spoon correctly, drink from a bottle, play with others, etc. Children often willingly fulfill the wishes of their parents, but this costs them a lot of effort, not only physical, but also psychological.

The nervous system is still unstable and with any, even the smallest load, it can react to any situation in different ways. It is also important that the consciousness of a newborn matures every month, he often changes his interests, but reacts sharply to changes in external conditions.

When the kid is busy playing, he does not understand that the parents are tired, they have their own activities, etc. A mother or father often tries to convince his child with displeasure that he needs to go home, do some important things. Usually the situation ends with the fact that the elders forcibly take away the toys from the children.

This becomes stressful for the baby, so you should not behave like this. It is important to distract the child from games by any means, to persuade him, but not to force him. The first attempts will require effort. But growing up, the child will become more accommodating, and will not throw tantrums for any reason.

Parenting Mistakes

Every family has its own rules for raising a child. Some parents cherish their child, they allow him everything, etc. Others treat any whims of the baby strictly and act at their discretion, believing that it is right to do so.

Without realizing it, parents create a child for their own interests. And because of the weakened psyche, excitable nervous system, such attempts often end in the same thing - the child begins to hysteria.

Constant actions to please the child will lead to the fact that the whims of the little one will develop into more serious problems. Psychologists advise adults to work on mistakes, because constant psychological pressure on the child will lead to serious problems in future.

The baby will continue to hysteria, at the age of 5-7 years. Often such problems appear at school age. A hysterical neurosis created by the hands of adults can progress and act to the detriment even in adulthood. It will be more difficult for a teenager to deal with such a problem.

Nervous and physical stress

This cause is most common at the age of 3-7 years, and parents are to blame for its appearance. In an effort to grow a creative person out of your child or a successful athlete, a baby with early years give back to different mugs and sections. Such activities take away a lot of strength, which is difficult for a growing body to replenish. A tired child begins to hysteria for any reason.

It is important for parents to prioritize correctly: what is more important - the health of the baby or his success in creativity or sports. The child's body is weak and requires a good rest after any load, without giving it, parents risk breaking the psyche of their child, and this threatens with a variety of consequences.

Lack of physical contact

The need for physical contact is built in from birth. To soothe crying baby, the mother takes him in her arms, and the baby calms down from the warmth of her body. Contact with a parent becomes for him reliable protection from any fear. Growing up, the child still needs such support and, without receiving it, experiences stress.

read fairy tales;
play outdoor games;
walk hand in hand together.

The main thing is touch. Getting them in abundance, the baby will be less excited and will not cause problems for adults.

Features of tantrums at different ages

Growing up, the baby gains experience, his nervous system gets stronger, he becomes more independent. But the mistakes laid down at the age of 1–2 years often lead to problems in the formation of personality. Hysterical manifestations are only one of the many symptoms of possible psycho-emotional problems. It is important to learn to understand them so that the child grows up mentally healthy.

Tantrums occur both during wakefulness and during sleep. Because of their own susceptibility and developmental characteristics, children often suffer from nightmares. It's easier with this kind of tantrums. They usually resolve on their own by age 7 or 8. But if the behavior of the little one with crying and screaming constantly disturbs parents during the day, it is important to find ways to eradicate them.

It is important to consider hysterical manifestations by age:

1-2 years: the psyche is still being formed, and any overstrain or fear can lead to hysteria; the baby only learns independence, forms his impression of the world around him, but the contact does not always go smoothly; psychologists call this period “the age of the first stubbornness”: constant hysteria is often replaced by periods of calm, the child begins to demand something for the first time and reacts to refusal with tears;
3-4 years: at this age, growing up occurs most quickly, the baby begins to think more rationally, learns to understand his personal and social role; hysteria can be part of the manifestation of discontent, impracticable whims of parents; the youngest member of the family develops his own opinion, which adults must reckon with;
5–9 years old: subject to the correct upbringing of the baby, tantrums appear very rarely by this age, but if the authority of the parents is broken, and the preschooler knows how to outwit them for the benefit of realizing their own whims, the elders still have to work with the child, because strict parental “no” should not be discussed, and by the age of 9 there should be no hysterical manifestations at all.

The advice of psychologists to calm the baby is most common for children at the age of 3 years. Experts even introduced such a term as "the crisis of the age of three." This period in a child's life is characterized by a restructuring of personal and social roles. He begins to understand himself as a separate person, and his actions may not always coincide with parental desires.

The symptoms of such a crisis can be different. In addition to bouts of hysterical crying, the baby can show his stubbornness, devalue the actions of others, show self-will and protest reactions.

Methods for dealing with child hysteria

There are no universal and fast-acting ways to properly calm children. The approach to each baby is individual. There are only a few rules of conduct for adults that will make life easier not only for them, but also for their children:

no matter how an adult is annoyed by the child’s tantrum, it is important not to raise your voice to the child, all problems are solved by a quiet dialogue: you need to ask your child to calm down and find out what the problem is;
it is important to be calm: a parent should express concern about the problems of a son or daughter, but subsequent actions should be aimed at explaining that it is important in a family to talk to each other, and not fight in hysterics;
if the tantrum occurred in public, you need to pick up the baby and isolate him from others, all problems will be solved when the adult is left alone with his child;
the reaction of the parent to all subsequent hysterical manifestations should be the same.

If an adult could not restrain his emotions, yelled at a child or hit him on the head, you need to apologize for what you did. If the baby is very offended by the parent, you will have to explain your emotions and feelings to him, making it so that he understands that mom and dad did not want to harm him, this is just the “wrong” reaction to the current situation.

Most of the causes of hysterical behavior in children are related to the actions of adults. This may be the wrong reaction to the whims of the baby, unhealthy relationships in the family, etc. It will be possible to eradicate the child's tendency to hysterical manifestations if the main factors influencing this are removed.

In order for the child not to fall into hysterical crying for any reason, a long and fruitful work of adults is required.

It is important for parents:

learn how to respond correctly to whims: you can’t indulge them, otherwise they will continue to manifest themselves;
eliminate emotionality in communication, swearing in the family or with strangers: you need to talk with the baby strictly, but calmly, avoiding raising your voice; by violating this rule, parents run the risk of hearing the same statements (and in the same tone) from their four-year-old child in the future;
not allow assault: thinking that this is how parents show their rightness and authority, they cause fear in the baby, which is often the cause of hysterical seizures; so the confidence of the baby in adults is undermined;
follow the threats expressed: if the baby cries when trying to assemble a picture from puzzles, and you threaten that you will throw away the object of concern, you need to get rid of it; if the threats are not carried out, the child will soon realize these are all empty words;
eradicate "double standards": the upbringing of a child by both mother and father should follow the same pattern, it is impossible for dad to allow his child to do something that mom does not welcome (and vice versa).

Given all these tips from psychologists in dealing with a child, it will be easier to deal with hysterical manifestations. The kid will be aware of the authority and rightness of the parent, that he wants to help, not harm.

Preventive measures

Preventive measures, they are also general rules for prevention, are to minimize the risks of hysterical manifestations in children. So that problems with tantrums do not have to be solved at a consultation with a psychologist, parents need to prevent them. The following features of prevention will be important:

minimizing the risk of situations favorable for the emergence of hysteria: this concerns the organization of pastime, calm communication with all family members, moderate visits to creative and sports sections;
adherence to the regime: maintaining the daily rhythm of wakefulness and rest, proper nutrition, etc .;
accustoming the child to independence: by developing the ability to make decisions independently and self-service skills, parents will help the baby to endure stressful situations more easily, and the risk of hysterical manifestations will decrease in the future;
establishing parental authority, upbringing: a child from an early age must understand the importance of adult authority, it is not necessary to indulge the desires of a younger family member;
learning to counteract their own experiences: if a child cries, you need to tell and even convince him that this is not worth doing; show by example how to deal with such situations.

Adults should listen to their child, give him the opportunity to make an independent choice. If everything is done correctly, the baby will soon realize that he is satisfied with the new attitude of loved ones, and such problems will occur less often.

Conclusion

Hysterical manifestations in childhood are caused by features of physiological development. The nervous system of babies is weak and reacts sharply to any stimuli. To avoid constant tantrums, it is important to change the attitude towards the baby, to reconsider the features of his upbringing.

The more time loved ones spend with the child, the less he will be irritable. The main thing is to solve all problems through dialogue without raising your voice, assaulting and indulging whims.

Every parent inevitably faces a loss of self-control in a child. Falling into extreme excitement, the baby tries to defend his position, which puts adults in difficult situation. Tantrums in a child of 2 years old are a normal phenomenon, to which you need to learn how to respond correctly. Many parents, faced with a loss of self-control, lose their heads and make mistakes. This only exacerbates deviations in the behavior of the child, he begins to manipulate loved ones. The impact with the help of tantrums can continue for several years.

Many adults believe that the baby screams and cries for any reason. This is far from the case; in most cases, extreme excitement leads to:

By the age of three, most parents know what situation can relate to manifestations of character. You should not change your life in order to avoid the manifestation of emotions, you need to learn to negotiate with the child and forbid him. This milestone socialization that should not be missed.

The main differences from whims

Hysteria is an uncontrolled manifestation of emotions for any reason. A 2-year-old child during an attack begins to show aggression towards himself and others. He tears his hair, twists his limbs, scratches his face, tries to hit his head on the floor or wall. A frequent symptom of this condition is the "hysterical bridge". It is a type of cramp, in which the body twists into an arc.

Most psychologists do not distinguish between the concepts of "hysteria" and "whim", as they are often interrelated. The kid begins to act up, and then simply cannot stop because of the immaturity of his nervous system.

Often a real hysteria is preceded by whims. They start on purpose. Typical situations: it’s raining or hot outside, and the baby demands to go for a walk, the child demands a candy that is not at home. Symptoms of whims are the same as those of a tantrum: screaming, crying, stamping your foot, throwing toys, trying to hit your parents or yourself.

Tantrum: stages

The hysteria is complicated by the fact that, unlike whims, the child does not put forward any demands. The baby is experiencing an attack as follows:

It all starts with a cry, which makes it impossible to understand what the child requires. At this stage, it is impossible to find out what caused the excitement.
The main symptoms of an emotional "explosion" appear at the stage of motor excitation. The baby does not feel pain and can demonstrate considerable strength. Sometimes his actions are accompanied by single cries, with which you can understand what is required of parents. This is observed only in cases where the cause of crying was a whim.
The hysteria ends with sobs. If in the first and second stages the little one did not receive consolation, then he will sob for a long time.

Psychologists say that more often children who have not fully mastered speech show emotions. They feel helpless from the fact that they cannot defend their position, and use the only accessible method. At 2 years old, expressing your feelings with the help of tantrums is normal, by 3 years old this should pass.

Night tantrums are not uncommon in a child of 2 years. In this case, they arise unconsciously, against the background of the experiences of the day and hysterical excitement. They pass through sleep, and you need to calm the baby already at the first stage - after the cry. If you approach the baby in a timely manner, then the seizure will not develop further.

Night tantrums are often caused by overexcitation in the evening. Remove all annoying factors that can contribute to them: do not invite guests for this time, do not turn on the TV loudly, do not arrange plentiful feasts with your family. Compliance with the daily routine and daily evening rituals will gently prepare the baby for sleep.

Typical mistakes of parents

Parents feel helpless if a child has a tantrum for 2 years - they don’t know what to do and act intuitively. This can cause emotions to show up more often. Once having received encouragement with unconscious hysteria, the baby understands that this method can be used to influence adults. He achieves everything by shouting and waiting for concessions.

Most adults react predictably to an "explosion" of emotions and make the following mistakes:

Appeasing the crumbs. To quickly stop the tantrum, they begin to offer him toys, sweets and goodies. This does not lead to a reduction in the number of whims, but only to an increase in the needs of the baby. He begins to painfully perceive any ban.
Threats and physical violence are not a suitable method. The cry of adults and their harsh voice can only cause a new wave of crying and fear. Often parents do not cope with their emotions and behave in the same way as the baby. This leads to the fact that the nervous system of the child is loosened more.

Children brought up in an atmosphere of control and cruelty often express their attitude towards educational process parents. To form a harmonious personality, one must be able to use punishment in a dosed manner.

Dr. Komarovsky has repeatedly told how to respond to a child's tantrums. He believes that before calming the baby, adults themselves must come to a state of peace of mind. This is very difficult if the seizure happened in public place. Try to hug and comfort the child, but do not go along with him. Don't lose your temper and remember that you are an adult. After the crying has stopped, discuss the situation in calm and understandable terms.

From an early age, the baby must be taught to perceive the word “no”. All close relatives should be involved in this stage of education. Often, mothers and fathers forbid the baby to eat sweets, but grandmothers feed the child with them, not paying attention to the established restriction. Such situations are tedious to stop, otherwise the child will remember for the rest of his life that any parental ban can be protested with his grandmother or any other relative.

Prohibitions and punishments should not affect your relationship with the baby. Many parents believe that restrictions negatively affect trust, but this is not the case. Set only reasonable prohibitions, explain them to the baby.

From the age of one, children need to be educated. The child during this period begins to know the world and himself. He learns to get what he wants from his parents by any means. Psychologist's advice will help to cope with frequent tantrums:

Find time to share activities with your children. Communication is an important part of the education process. There are several psychological techniques to cope with tantrums. Apply the above tips from psychologists to deal with tantrums methodically. They will not help immediately, but by the age of 3 your child will begin to behave much better.

Flexibility and Boundary Change

The fight against emotional breakdowns must begin before they occur. Let's analyze a typical situation: the baby does not tolerate movement restrictions, and you have to travel. Before flying in an airplane, simulate scenarios for this event. Explain that in the cabin of the aircraft you need to sit fastened, like any adult. Conduct preparatory conversations several times before the date of travel.

If a hysterical attack could not be avoided, remember the rules on how to deal with it. In a calm voice, remind the child of the agreements, switch his attention to what responsible role you have entrusted to him. In the described situation, you will use a categorical prohibition, it is inappropriate to be flexible here. If the child is stubborn, then shift your responsibility for him to the stewardess, who forbids running around the cabin.

The ability to negotiate and be flexible is an important element of education. A typical situation: the baby requires cartoons. Let him push the boundaries: let him watch 2-3 episodes. If after two cartoons he refuses to stop watching, agree that you will allow him to watch his favorite character again, but later (after sleeping or walking).

Using these psychological techniques teaches you how to negotiate with children. The restrictions that are needed for the safety of the baby cannot be canceled, in this case, explain the awareness of your act. If the child does not want to fasten the belt in the stroller, tell him that falling on the asphalt or the ground is very painful, then he will have to be treated and give injections. Perhaps not the first time, but the baby will understand that it is worth sitting quietly, fastened. If he is stubborn, then tell him a fictional story from your experience. Explain with your own example that the consequences of disobedience can be dire.

If the "scene" is just beginning, then there is a very effective method protection - distract the child

Say whatever comes to your mind, but with such confidence that it gives the impression of a surprise: “Oh, what a bee! ...” or “Look, there the boy ran ... Where is he running so fast?”

If your trick succeeds, then the child's anger will melt away with a wave of a magic wand. He will look for a bee, a boy, etc. with his eyes. Then you will need to consolidate your success: “The bee has flown away. And you know, when bees sting, they leave a small needle in the skin” or “You can’t see the boy, he must have entered that house.” The main thing is that the child forgets his anger, that is, you resorted to a distraction.

Many have witnessed various "scenes" and children's tantrums in public places, playgrounds, etc. Not always the child is the culprit of his own hysteria. Perhaps the reason for this behavior was some event preceding the tantrum - feeling unwell with the first signs of illness, a depressed state due to peer aggression, a bad mood of loved ones, overexcitation, etc.

To be prepared for such "scenes", the mother should remember the following principles:

1. Your slightest nervousness is contagious for a child. If the mother is in a bad mood, often “nervous”, the child sees this and can project nervousness and make a “scene”, thereby showing that the matter is in the parent himself.

2. Dissatisfaction with the child can aggravate the situation. You furrowed your brows because the baby is not listening. As a result, he can become even more daring. You scold him - he will flare up. You, in turn, also raised the tone, then he can scream. And if you scream, he will start to bawl. Don't create such a chain reaction.

Perhaps you will say: “So you can allow him everything, never scold, never punish?” This is wrong. We advise you to clearly and briefly say everything to the baby in a calm tone, and then talk with him about something so as not to harbor dissatisfaction with the child for a long time.

3. Silence has a calming effect. An angry child will not scream for a long time if nothing is answered.

Another tip: don't try to reason with an angry child. This won't get him through. On the contrary, more suitable "medicines" for this condition: surprise, silence, fresh water.

4. Blackmail is a dangerous parenting method. " I'm sad because you don't listen", "Do you want me to die?", "If you get your pants dirty again, I won't love you"

Parents who resort to blackmail do not think that by this method they put the child before a choice: to believe or not to believe. If he believes, he will be horrified that he could lose his mother. Or he will not attach even the slightest meaning to these words, which is even worse.

5. Education by denial."Don't touch.. Don't do this.. You're behaving badly..." Some parents raise their children in a "reverse" way, considering the child to be a creature that does everything the other way around. Therefore, instead of an intelligible explanation, such parents force the baby to do the opposite of what he did.

Instead, you can stick to the positive method. For example, instead of sharp denials, say: “Hold the spoon like this ... Sit like this ..” This will be more logical and effective, and will not cause an allergy to the “not” particle in the future.

Psychologist Anna Bykova shares any loud children's cry "I want!" or "I don't want to!" into three types: whims, demands, protest. The criterion is the child's awareness of his desire.

“If a child knows exactly what he wants and cries for it to be provided to him, this is a requirement.

If the child knows exactly what he does not want, this is a protest.

If a child doesn’t know what he wants, if he doesn’t want anything, everything just irritates him - these are whims.

If these are whims, then it is useless to exert educational influences at this moment.

We must try to calm ourselves, calm the child, feed, put to sleep - whatever the situation is. You can come up with your own ritual "Let's drive away the whim."

Techniques for preventing hysteria such as “I want something that is impossible”, that is, a hysteria-demand.

Reception "out of sight"
We remove from the eyes of the child what he cannot take. How smaller child, the more strongly I recommend to observe this rule. I remember how I took my two-year-old son from the kindergarten on a longer road, but we did not meet provocateurs on the way: swings, stalls with sweets and a toy store.

Reception "Switching attention"
We show the child a new bright stimulus, we promise another, more interesting activity. In this case, I always had soap bubbles or a balloon with me, which you can urgently start inflating, small cheap wind-up toys. The smaller the child, the more effective the reception. Attention becomes more and more stable with age, therefore, it is more and more difficult to switch.

Reception "We allow, but watch"
Scissors are a dangerous toy for a baby, but if you really want to, you can touch it under the watchful eye of your mother. Too many prohibitions unnerve the child and limit his development. There must be a balance between the number of "possible" and "not" that the child hears per day. Think about what caused your next “no”? Anxiety for the safety of the child or unwillingness to get additional care in the form of cleaning?

Reception "Conditional Agreement"
The reception formula is "Of course, only later" or "Yes, but ...": "Of course, we will play, but first we will sleep a little, and then we will play."

Reception "Preliminary contract"
It will only work if strictly observed. It is worth once to go on about the child and cancel the contract, and further use reception is not possible. It is already possible to agree with a three-year-old in advance that we will not go to the store, because we are in a hurry to go home (watch a cartoon, meet dad, play interesting game). Or like this: "If you want, we will go to the toy store, but we will only look, but we will not buy anything."

Techniques for preventing hysteria-protest:

Reception "Drag and Drop"
Part game situation moving to a new environment. Miracles of fantasy have to be shown when children do not want to go home from kindergarten. Here it is allowed to take a garden toy on a visit, to introduce them to their toys. To interrupt the game for eating, we offer the child to feed the toy. To feed the young builder, instead of "Leave the cubes, let's go eat soup", announce that the construction team has a lunch break.

Reception "Warning"
It can be difficult to stop playing immediately. It is better to warn the child in advance, to give time to finish, to help bring the plot of the game to its logical conclusion. Discuss with the child the condition after which the activity will change. “One more cartoon and swim”, “Twice more you will roll down the hill and go home!” (my son usually traded until five).

Reception "Alternative question"
We offer an alternative, the essence of which is that the child will do it our way anyway. “Will you collect cars or soldiers first?” Reception does not last long. From the age at which a child is able to make a choice to when he is able to reject both options.

Reception "Ritual"
Children love stability and constancy, it calms them down. Therefore, come up with your own ritual of going to bed, preparing for dinner, saying goodbye in the garden.

If the hysteria nevertheless began, then the algorithm of actions may be as follows:

- Persuasion, persuasion.

- Switching attention.
Calm ritual.
As a rule, over time, each family develops its own calming ritual. It can be the same rhyme, fairy tale or game. For example, mother blows to dry her tears. Or we give the child a drink of magical water that soothes.

Ignoring.
If all other methods have already been tried and there is no threat to health (an epileptic seizure, an asthmatic attack), you can leave the child to cry alone or simply ignore the cry for a while. Do not scold, do not lock the child, but calmly voice the conclusion: “Probably, you just want to cry now ... When you get tired of crying, we are with you (offer something interesting).”

When there is no one to cry for, then crying is boring.
Especially when it becomes clear that tears fail to achieve results. Here, either the child will calm down, or you will try again to calm the child after a while. Three, five or ten minutes - depending on the age of the child. You can kindly ask: “So what? Are you tired of crying already? Hug, caress, offer something interesting. The child, as a rule, is already tired of crying and has become more accommodating.

If the tantrum happened in a public place, the most important thing is to keep calm yourself.
If possible, take the child away from crowds to avoid their unwanted interference. And keep calm. Waiting calmly, not following the child’s lead, not getting involved in negative emotional experiences is the best thing a mother can do in this situation. Because only a calm mother can calm down a child.”

The age of three is a special period in the life of a child and parents. It is at this time that many adults especially often encounter hysterical seizures.

The child screams, falls to the ground, beats his head against the wall or floor, refuses to comply with the request of mom or dad. Parents, of course, are lost and do not always understand how to deal with children's tantrums. In some children, sudden bouts of bad mood pass quickly, while others can hysteria for years.

What to do? Psychologist's advice will help you respond correctly to whims and find an approach to screaming child.

Experts advise to distinguish between hysterical attacks and whims. The child most often resorts to the latter on purpose, wanting to get the right object, the attention of an adult, or something forbidden or unattainable.

A naughty child often cries, screams, stomps his feet, scatters toys. Usually whims occur in babies from one to three years.

Hysterical seizures are most often characterized by involuntary, because the child can not cope with emotions. At first, like whims, with loud crying, screaming, hysteria is accompanied by additional beating of the head on various surfaces, self-mutilation (scratching the face).

In especially difficult situations, a child at the age of 3 has a convulsive syndrome, accompanied by an arching arc (“hysterical bridge”).

Children's tantrum- the strongest emotional response that occurs in a child in response to a ban, a nuisance, reinforced by irritation, anger, aggression directed at oneself or others.

The main feature of such a seizure is an increase in reaction with the attention of strangers.

Child psychologists distinguish three main stages of a hysterical attack in a child of three years, which successively replace each other:

Screams. The child just yells very loudly, while demanding nothing. Many adults are at first afraid of such manifestations, then they begin to determine the onset of the next attack by them. At this stage, the baby already poorly notices the surrounding people.
motor excitement. If the child is not calmed at the first stage, he begins to run, stomp his feet, bang his fists on the table, fall to the floor, tear his hair out, or bang his head against the wall. At such moments, the baby does not feel pain.
Sobs. The child sobs desperately, tears literally flow like a river. If he was not reassured before, then the sobs and offended glances thrown at adults will continue for quite a long time - up to several hours.

Such emotionally rich behavior is very exhausting for a child at the age of three. Therefore, after a seizure, the baby is exhausted and wants to sleep in order to gain strength.

Of course, it is necessary to somehow respond to the behavior of a child who constantly throws unreasonable tantrums.

But what to do: to warn, prevent, stop or punish, as for a fault? Parental tactics should depend on the provoking factors that lead to such a situation.

Before considering the specific causes of hysterical attacks in a child of three years, you need to pay attention to the features of this age.

At 3 years old, the baby is going through another crisis moment. In psychological literature and practice, it even got its name - the crisis of three years.

At this time, the child gradually perceives himself as a separate person - "I am not a mother."

The kid also begins to understand that his desires largely do not coincide with the requirements of his parents, which is why a “conflict of interest” begins. And the tantrum in the children's arsenal becomes the simplest and most effective tool in an attempt to be understood correctly.

In addition to the crisis of three years, which is manifested by rebelliousness, stubbornness, the demand for independence, there are other causes of hysterical attacks:

Even if you establish a circumstance provoking a tantrum, you must understand that the little one does not want to make you angry or do something on purpose.

At this time, the child is not yet able to “turn on” the emotional regulator, so each of his strong emotions can eventually grow into a full-fledged hysterical attack.

If we understand a historical attack as a means to attract the attention of a child to his person, then adults should, first of all, teach him to express his desires in a more civilized way.

Also, the child must understand that such behavior is an ineffective method of informing about their needs.

And so that you can unobtrusively let the child down with such conclusions, you need to correctly respond to emotional outbursts, adhering to a well-thought-out plan of action.

So, what to do and how to be an adult if a child has a hysterical seizure:

You can’t panic, demonstrate that such ugly behavior hurts you at least somehow. Often, a mother's tantrum joins a child's hysteria, which only intensifies the emotional outburst and inflames passions.
Be sure to try to figure out what exactly served as the "provocateur" of a hysterical attack. Sometimes it is enough to save a child from tiring trips to guests, to turn on various computer toys or cartoons less. If the cause is indisposition, you should consult a doctor.
It is best to simply ignore the emotional outburst. Of course, a child at the age of three should not be left alone or in a public place, but be in the field of children's vision, while remaining indifferent. Usually the attack quickly comes to an end if there are no grateful spectators.
Do not give in to the child if hysterical fits are necessary to get something. Babies quickly understand how to take advantage of the situation, so they begin to manipulate tears and screams, especially if the mother is embarrassed by such attacks.
In the initial stage, when the child can still hear you, you can try to talk, explain, distract with some action or a bright object. Sometimes these distractions work.
If the child is sensitive to tactile contact, during an attack, you can hug him, press him to you, whisper in a low voice tender words. This will help prevent self-injury, as some children tend to injure themselves.

Punishment during hysterical fits will not improve the situation. All educational conversations and disciplinary methods should be started only after everything settles down.

What to do after a tantrum?

Many parents have no idea how to deal with a child after a hysterical attack has passed. If emotional explosions occur constantly, they happen both at home and in kindergarten, then you will have to teach your child the right way to express your mood.

Immediately after the tantrum, you need to explain to the child how upset you are by his behavior. It is the behavior, not the baby himself. Demonstrate that you still adore him, but you want to be proud of him every minute, and not just when he is well behaved.

The child needs to real example explain how exactly it is necessary to show various emotional manifestations - anger, anger, irritation, happiness or ecstasy. The kid is obliged to understand that the desired thing can be achieved not only by roaring and jerking legs.

Perhaps such a "science" will take a week or two or three months. The duration of training will depend on the temperament of the child. Little choleric people are more prone to hysterical attacks due to the mobile nervous system than sanguine and phlegmatic children. Melancholics can also become hysterical, but it will pass without excessively violent manifestations of emotions.

Most often, parents independently cope with tantrums in a 3-year-old child. However, in some situations, it is impossible to do without the support of a psychologist or even a doctor.

If hysterical seizures in a baby occur regularly for a month or longer, it can be assumed that the child has some kind of neurological disease.

Consultations and advice from a neurologist are needed if:

during seizures, the child loses consciousness or stops breathing;
after a tantrum, the baby begins shortness of breath, vomiting, he becomes lethargic, he tends to sleep;
seizures become more frequent and worse;
the child injures himself or his relatives (caregivers in the kindergarten);
tantrums are combined with other psychological disorders (phobias, mood swings, night terrors);
the child continues to hysteria at four or five years of age.

If there are no such symptoms, but children's actions continue to disturb you, the best way out will be consultation and advice from a psychologist.

That is why you should contact a psychological center to discuss a possible way out of the situation.

Hysterical seizures are common in children age three years. And it is easier to prevent them than to fight them later. The main tips relate to streamlining the daily routine, bringing the requirements of parents and grandmother to the child to uniformity and working on yourself.

Psychologists are sure that it is almost impossible to completely defeat hysterical attacks in a child at the age of three, but it is still possible to prevent them. Just communicate more with the little one, learn to control your mood. And if the baby continues to hysteria, seek advice and help from a competent specialist.

Hello, I'm Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully studied at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and advising parents on raising children. I apply the experience gained, among other things, in the creation of psychological articles. Of course, by no means do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.