Zhdanova Julia

This work is the final project of a 9th grade student. The theoretical and practical aspects of the relationship between parents and children are considered. Attention is paid to the following issues: styles of education, methods and forms of family education, causes and ways to resolve family conflicts.

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MBOU lyceum №3

Final project

Subject Relationship between parents and children in the family»
Project type research
Executor student of 9 "A" class Zhdanova Yuliya
Head Shkalenko N.I. ……………………………………………………...

Voronezh

1. Introduction3-4
2. Main part

2.1 Theoretical aspect of the study of the relationship between parents and children.

2.1.1 Parenting styles and their impact on the child5-6

2.1.2 Methods and forms of family education7-8

2.1.3 Types of family education9-12

2.2 The practical aspect of studying the relationship between parents and children

2.2.1 Methodology "Drawing a family" 14-15
2.2.2 16-17

2.2.3 Test parental relationship(A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin)18-22

2.2.4 23-25

2.3 Conflicts between children and parents26
2.3.1 Causes of conflict situations 27-28

2.3.2 Ways to resolve conflict situations29-30

3. Conclusion 31-32

4. References 33

Introduction

Most often, the family has the greatest influence on a person. And first of all, the personality of the child is formedparents . They help the child learn the rules of behavior in society, understand what is happening, teach communication and interaction with people, compassion. The relationship between the child and his parents largely determines how he will grow up, how he will build his relationships with others.After all, the family lays the model of behavior for the child for the rest of his life.The child will grow up, but the personality traits formed in him, spiritual and moral values, moral norms will remain.The family can act as both a positive and a negative factor in upbringing. The positive impact on the personality of the child is that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister - treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him . In some families, parents and children treat each other with respect and understanding, support each other in difficult situations and rejoice in victories together. In other families, there is disrespect and misunderstanding towards each other. Usually, in such families, parents decide everything for the children, without giving them the right to choose. So what can be the relationship between parents and children in the family?
A child who grew up in a defective family, in a family with a pronounced antipathy towards the child, grows up socially maladjusted. Often such children withdraw into themselves, cannot overcome the obstacles that arise in their life path, and even become aggressive. Such children may lag behind in development, they may develop mental disorders. This makes it difficult to lead a fulfilling life. In recent years, scientific interest in the problem of conflict has increased significantly. Especially important from this point of view is adolescence as the most complex, controversial and therefore the most conflicting. One of the most important aspects of this problem is the issue of conflicts between adolescents and their parents.
Small and large conflicts, quarrels between teenagers and adults are constant sources of tension and stress for both. And this means that both parents and teenagers are constantly tense, make many mistakes, constantly break down.
Due to the special educational role families, the question arises of how to do so in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative impact on children. At present, the problem of the relationship between a parent and a child is of great relevance, as it is one of the most important components of the state policy of preserving the health of the nation. Problem The relationship between parents and children is complex and paradoxical. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relations, the scrupulousness of "external" penetration into them. And the paradox is that, for all its importance, parents usually do not notice it, because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this. The relevance of this work is determined by the difficult situation in modern society. There is a lot of cruelty, evil, indifference of people to others in the world, and sometimes even to their relatives and friends. Crime is growing every day. And all this is often the result of improper upbringing, the result of parents showing aggression towards children, or simply indifference. Another problem is that most family conflicts are associated with the inability or unwillingness to understand each other: parents - children, children - parents. With my work, I want to draw attention to the solution of this problem, since it is a key one in the relationship between generations. I chose this topic because I myself am in my teens, it is important for me to understand what the relationship between parents and children themselves should be like. The solution to this problem is big role for our generation.
Subject of study: the conditions of positive relationships in the family.
The purpose of the work: to identify the position of parents and their relationship with children
Research objectives:
1. To study the theoretical literature on this issue.
2. Experimentally study the types and characteristics of the relationship between parents and children.
3. Explore conflicts in the interaction of parents and children.
4. Reveal the relationship between the relationship between parents and their position and the emotional state of the child.
Hypothesis. In a family, positive relationships between parents and children are established if:

2. Favorable relations have been established in the family between parents and children.
To prove the hypothesis, research work was carried out:
1. Method "Family drawing"
2. Method of identification of children with parents (questionnaire A.I. Zarova)
3.
4. Methodology "Strategies of family education"

Theoretical aspect of the study of the relationship between parents and children

Parenting styles and their impact on the child

There are 4 styles of education in the family: democratic, authoritarian, liberal, indifferent.

Democratic (authoritative). This type is based on the recognition of the child's rights to independence, activity, creativity, opinions, mistakes. The child is a full participant dialogue , listen to him, his hear . The undeniable priority of education is happiness child, both momentary (here and now) and in the future. This style of interaction does not negate the authority of an adult, but it imposes a number of requirements on the personality of the parent. The parent understands which requirements need to be dictated and which ones should be discussed. Within reasonable limits, he is ready to reconsider his positions, to compromise. First of all, this is a rejection of a comfortable position “on top” in favor of a position “side by side, together”. The main thing in this style of education - mutual trust .
Authoritarian. An adult has a good idea of ​​what a child should be like and makes every effort to bring him closer to the "ideal". Categorical demands, intransigence, excessive demands. The attitude of an adult to a child is based on the opinion that the child is not independent, inactive, that various manipulations can be performed with him that will effectively affect the development of the child and lead to the desired result. The result, it is important to note, is obviously known to an adult: "an obedient, executive, convenient child." The interests and opinions of the child are not decisive.Authoritarian style is a pedagogy of suppression, violence and coercion.
Liberal. This style of parenting is based on giving the child freedom, often unlimited. An adult highly appreciates the child, considers his weaknesses forgivable, communicates easily, trusts the opinion of the child, is not prone to prohibitions, restrictions and control. Can a child exist without restrictions and prohibitions? As a rule, a child whose behavior is always accepted by parents, whose misdeeds are turned a blind eye, experiences significant difficulties when entering kindergarten, to school. After all, such a child did not have the opportunity to get used to the fact that there may be restrictions and rules in life. Faced with prohibitions that are unpleasant for themselves, the child will respond with disobedience.
Indifferent (permissive). The problems of education are not paramount in an adult. Parents who are busy, get tired, exhausted at work, sometimes "not up to the child." The child has to solve his own problems (“let him grow up on his own, but I have no time”). As a rule, children very keenly feel their uselessness, unimportance. The indifference of the closest people becomes the basis for the formation of a negative self-esteem of the child.
Obviously, it is the democratic style that is the ideal of education. However, exclusive adherence to it is also fraught with serious problems.

In the earliest stages of its development, a helpless child simply does not have the potential to be a participant in equal interaction. Education at this stage can be regarded only as the influence of the elder on the child. But in the course of development, the process gradually acquires a mutually directed form, at first sharply asymmetric. A person becomes an equal participant in the interaction only upon reaching maturity. The task of the elders is to feel the pace of this progressive process and not make useless attempts to slow it down or speed it up.

Thus, in the early stages of a child's development, some elements of authoritarianism in his upbringing are useful and necessary. In some cases, one should not arrange a discussion about the expediency of some action, but unequivocally demand its implementation. The child learns to regulate his behavior gradually; at first, the regulatory function belongs to an adult. If there is no external regulation, the child's behavior continues to remain spontaneous, impulsive, and irresponsible for a long time. As the child grows older, he acquires the ability to accept external, social norms, requirements and restrictions as his own life attitudes. This is facilitated by healthy relationships in the family, which, losing elements of authoritarianism, are becoming more democratic.

So, elements of an authoritarian parenting style at a certain stage of a child's development can play a positive role. But if relationships in the family are constantly built on authoritarian principles, this leads to distortions in the development of the individual. Equally, the opposite extreme can give rise to promiscuity and personal immaturity.

Methods and forms of family education

The methods of raising children in the family are the ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out. They have their own specifics: the impact on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adapted to the personality, the choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of family relationships, etc. Therefore, the methods of family education bear a bright imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. For example, persuasion for some parents is a soft suggestion, for others it is a threat, a cry. When relations with children in a family are close, warm, friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, aloof relationships, strictness and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to cultivate obedience, and therefore their methods are aimed at ensuring that the child fulfills the requirements of adults without fail. Others consider it more important to teach independent thinking, the manifestation of initiative, and, naturally, find appropriate methods for this. All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice); personal example; encouragement (praise, gifts, an interesting perspective for children); punishment (deprivation of pleasure, rejection of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used. There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among these means: the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, the spiritual and moral climate of the family, the press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, celebrations, symbols, paraphernalia, relics, etc. The choice and application of parenting methods are based on a number of general conditions. Parents' knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what kind of relationship with classmates and teachers, adults, small ones, what they value most in people, etc. Many parents do not know what books their children read, what films they watch, what music they like, more than half of the parents cannot say anything about their children's hobbies. The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relations in the family, the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods, relatively more often uses teaching. If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication during joint work, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, it helps parents understand them better. There is no joint activity, there is no reason or opportunity for communication. The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noticed that in the families of teachers, educated people, children are always better brought up. Consequently, teaching pedagogy, mastering the secrets of educational influence is not at all a luxury, but a practical necessity. “Pedagogical knowledge of parents is especially important at a time when father and mother are the only educators of their child ... At the age of 2 to 6 years, the mental development, spiritual life of children depends to a decisive extent on ... the elementary pedagogical culture of mother and father, which is expressed in a wise understanding of the most complex mental movements of a developing person,” wrote VL. Sukhomlinsky..

Types of family education

Type of family education - gross, integrative characteristic inside family relations, the attitude of parents to their parental duty, various kinds of value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, the level of parental competence.
The nature of family education is largely a consequence of parental position. Usually, there are three criteria for evaluating parental positions - adequacy, dynamism and predictability. Adequacy characterizes the orientation of parents in the individual psychological characteristics of the child, his age characteristics, as well as the degree of awareness of these characteristics. Dynamism is a measure of the mobility of parental positions, the variability of the forms and methods of communication and interaction with the child (the perception of the child as a person, the degree of flexibility in communicating with the child in various situations, the variability of the forms and methods of influencing the child depending on age). Predictability - the ability of parents to foresee the prospects for the development of the child and to restructure interaction with the child.
The following specific parameters are usually distinguished as the basis for classifying family education by types and types:

1) the degree of emotional acceptance by the parents of the child, interest in him,

2) the degree of manifestation of care,

3) exactingness,

4) consistency in the implementation of the parenting style,

5) affective stability of parents,

6) anxiety,

7) the nature of the management system in the family as a whole.

Types of families by parameters:

For each of these parameters, several cases of differential value can be distinguished:

1 - acceptance / indifference / rejection

2 - caring / carefree

3 - permissive (kind) / allowing / situational / restrictive

4 - consistency / inconsistency

5 - stability / instability

6 - anxiety / calmness

As you can see, theoretically there can be up to 3*2*4*2*2*2*3=576 types of family education. However, in real life not all of these species are equally common. In the course of various studies, the following eight most common types of family education have been identified.

Emotional rejection.
The upbringing of a child is accompanied by coldness, sometimes - however - capable of being interrupted by periods of exaggerated sympathy, attention and care from the parents. With their emotions, parents do not follow the emotions of the child, quite quickly, and the child unlearns to follow his parents with his emotions. As a result, he develops poor emotional sphere, low self-esteem, feeling of loneliness. Often such children find a way out in their studies.

Cruel attitude.
Often abusive attitudes are combined with emotional rejection. In such families, severe reprisals often occur for minor misconduct or disobedience. Cruelty can be not only physical, but also psychological: emphasized indifference, all sorts of "curses", psychological pressure, verbal aggression. A cruel attitude often results in the child's aggressiveness, various kinds of personality disorders.

Increased moral responsibility.
An increased level of parental expectations regarding the present and future, success, abilities and talents of the child. Assigning unbearable and age-inappropriate responsibilities. The expectation from the child that he realizes their unfulfilled desires and aspirations. The predominance of the rational aspect in education: excessive moralizing and exactingness, formality in the approach to the child, leading largely to asexual education and emotional flattening of the child, his inability to fit into an emotionally colored, ambivalent situation.

Contradictory upbringing.
The combination of different styles in the same family, incompatible with each other and not adequate to each other, which manifests itself in open conflicts, competition and confrontation of family members. The result of such upbringing can be high anxiety, insecurity, low unstable self-esteem of the child. The inconsistency of education contributes to the development of internal conflict in the child. Inconsistency, inconsistency give rise to situational behavior of the child, deceit.

Hypoprotection.
Lack of guardianship and control, true interest and attention to the affairs of the child. In the extreme form - neglect. Often, with this type of upbringing, children gain independence early. Obvious disadvantages: high risk of falling under Negative influence strangers, ignorance.
One of the options for hypoprotection is hidden hypoprotection, in which care and upbringing takes on a very formal character ("for show"). Often the cause of latent hypoprotection is emotional rejection.
Another variant of hypoprotection - condoning hypoprotection - is characterized by a combination of a lack of parental supervision with an uncritical attitude towards violations in the child's behavior and his bad deeds.

Hyperprotection.
Another name is overprotection. Increased guardianship and control, interest in the affairs of the child becomes painful. Often the reason for hyperprotection is the mother's status as a housewife, while wanting to assert herself as an "ideal mother". Hyperprotection negatively affects the development of independence, initiative and the formation of a sense of duty and responsibility of the child. Also, the cause of hyperprotection may be the unfulfilled need of parents for affection and love.
There may be a number of motives associated with negative experiences: concern for the future of the child, fear of unhappiness with the child, fear of loneliness, low social status, the desire to dominate everything, neurotic manifestations. Dominant hyperprotection - overprotection, petty control, a complex system of continuous prohibitions and the inability for the child to ever make his own decision. The main idea of ​​this type of upbringing is "everything that is not allowed is forbidden." Such intensity of educational activities is rightly perceived by the child as psychological pressure. Indulgent hyperprotection - upbringing according to the type of "child is the idol of the family." Characteristic features: excessive patronage, the desire to free the child from the slightest difficulties, to satisfy all his needs. The obvious consequence of such upbringing is the strengthening of egocentric tendencies in the development of the personality, the difficulty in the formation of collectivism, the selective assimilation of moral norms, and low achievement motivation.

Hypochondria.
With this type of upbringing, illness is the semantic center of family life. This usually happens in families where the child long time suffered or is suffering from chronic diseases. The result - the child's self-esteem becomes inextricably linked with the disease. Everything that does not happen around, the child refracts through the prism of the disease. Over time, he gets used to putting pressure on the pity of the people around him, sticking out the symptoms of his illness, he develops egocentrism and an inadequate level of claims.

Love.
Parents love the child, imbued with his interests. They try to treat him evenly and fairly. They take care of the manifestation of initiative by the child, if the child is in a difficult hopeless situation, they help. Parents are emotionally stable, calm, reasonable. The family management style is democratic. The voice of the child is taken into account in solving a number of specific problems.

The practical aspect of studying the relationship between parents and children

Character Study Study
relationships in the family was carried out using the following
methods.These methods are designed to diagnose family relationships, analyze deviations in upbringing and identify the causes of their occurrence.

1. Method "Family drawing"
2. Method of identification of children with parents (questionnaire A.I. Zarova)
3. Test - questionnaire of parental attitude towards children (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin)
4. Methodology "Strategies of family education"
The study involved 27 adolescents (14 years old) and 20 adults (30-40 years old).

Methodology "Family Drawing"

The essence of the test: the child is given a standard sheet of paper, a set of colored pencils (it is better not to give a simple pencil, a pen, an eraser), they ask: "Draw your family." At the same time, there is no need to remind who is part of the family, let him draw as he imagines. If a child asks who to draw, give him complete freedom, let him draw at least animals, the drawing will still be quite informative. After finishing drawing, ask leading questions: who is drawn where, what family members are doing, who is in what mood, etc.
The quantitative evaluation system takes into account the formal and content features of the drawing. The quality of lines, the arrangement of objects in a drawing, the erasure of the entire drawing or its individual parts, and the shading of individual parts of the drawing are considered formal. The meaningful characteristics of the picture are the depicted activities of family members, their interaction and location, as well as the relationship of things and people in the picture. Children's drawings were analyzed by the number of points scored in the presence of certain symptoms.
Interpretation rules
1. If someone from the family is missing in the picture, then this may mean:
the presence of negative unconscious feelings towards this person. For example, strong jealousy for a younger brother; the child, as it were, argues: “I must love my brother, but he annoys me, this is bad. Therefore, I won’t draw anything at all.”
the complete absence of emotional contact with the “forgotten” person in the drawing. This person, as it were, simply does not exist in the emotional world of the child.
2. The author himself is missing from the figure.
This could mean:
difficulties in relationships with loved ones: “I am not noticed here”, “I feel rejected”, “It is difficult for me to find my place in the family”.
the child is “torn away” from the family: “They don’t accept me, well, it’s not necessary, and it’s not bad without them.”
3. In the picture - a fictional family member.
The child is trying to fill the vacuum in the feelings that were not received in the family.

4. The size of the depicted characters shows their significance for the child
5. The size of the child on the sheet. If the child draws himself very small, located in the corner of the sheet, he has low self-esteem at the moment, or he considers himself the smallest in the family. Children with high self-esteem draw themselves very large, even larger than their parents.
6. The location of the child in the figure reflects his position in the family. When he is in the center, between mom and dad, or draws himself first, it means that he feels needed and necessary in the house. If a child portrayed himself separately from the rest, or painted himself last, this is a sign of jealousy, trouble.
7. The distance between the images indicates emotional closeness or, conversely, disunity. The farther the figures are located from each other, the greater their emotional disunity.
8. The sequence of images of family members. Usually the first child draws either himself, or the most beloved family member, or the most significant, authoritative person in the family. Usually the most recent relative drawn has the lowest authority.
9. Arrangement of figures on the sheet. The highest is the character who, according to the child, has the greatest significance in the family.
10. The character or object that causes the greatest anxiety in the child.
Depicted with increased pencil pressure, or heavily shaded.
11. Parts of the body.
12. The color scheme of the picture is an indicator of the palette of feelings.
13. Does the child draw only himself, “forgetting” to draw everyone else? This often indicates that he does not feel like a member of the family.
13. The sun in the figure is a symbol of protection and warmth.
14. An abundance of small details, closed parts(scarves, buttons) signal prohibitions, secrets to which the child is not allowed.
1. 98% of the drawings of children were attended by all family members
2. 97% of the drawings were attended by the author himself.
3. 99% of the drawings did not depict fictitious family members.
4. In 40% of children, the mother is shown larger in the figure, in 50% of children, the father is larger in the figure, and in 10% of children, the child himself.
5. In 10% of the drawings, the author himself was depicted too small, in another 10% - too large, in 80% - standard.
6. In 60% of the drawings, the author was depicted first or in the center, in 40% of the drawing the author was depicted last or separately from the rest.
7. On 40% of the drawings, the distance between the images was very small, on 20% of the drawings - very large, on 40% - medium.
8. In 40% of the drawings, the child was depicted last, in 15% - the first, in 40% of the drawings the father was depicted first.
9. In 40% of the drawings, the father was depicted above all, 40% - the mother, 10% - the child himself.
10. At 10%, with the pressure of a pencil, mom was depicted, at 10% - dad.
11. In 5% of the drawings, some family members were depicted with a large head.

12. The drawings were drawn with a simple pencil.
13. 40% of the drawings depicted the sun.
14. 35% of the drawings depicted small details.

Method of identification of children with parents (questionnaire A.I. Zarova)

Through this technique, the competence and prestige of parents in the perception of children, and the features of emotional relationships with parents are diagnosed.

The child is asked the following set of questions.

1. If you participated in the game "Family", then who would you portray, who would you become in it - mom, dad or yourself? (To eliminate the suggestive influence last words in a question, they change places, for example: "dad, mom or yourself", "yourself, mom or dad", etc. The subjects must choose between the image of themselves and one of the parents).
2. Who do you live with at home? (Who do you have at home? - for preschoolers).
3. Who in the family, in your opinion, is the main parent or is there no head in the family?
4. When you grow up, will you do the same thing that your dad (mother - for girls) does at work or something else?
5. When you become an adult and you have a boy (a girl - according to the sex of the subject), you will also educate him (play, study with him - for preschoolers), as your dad is raising you now (mother - for girls), or not, differently?
6. If there was no one at home for a long time, then which parent would you like to see first of all? (How would you like someone to enter the room first? - for preschoolers).
7. If grief, misfortune, misfortune happened to you (one of the guys would offend you - among preschoolers), would you tell your dad (mother - among girls) about this or not?
8. If grief, misfortune, misfortune happened to you (one of the guys would offend you - among preschoolers), would you tell your mother (dad - among girls) about this or not?
9. Are you afraid that your father will punish you (mother - for girls) or are you not afraid?
10. Are you afraid that your mother will punish you (dad - for girls) or are you not afraid?

• Through the first 5 questions, the competence and prestige of parents in the perception of children are diagnosed, the remaining questions are aimed at identifying the features of emotional relationships with parents.
  As a result of this technique with adolescents, we obtained the following results:
  1. 70% of girls answered that they were mothers, 30% - themselves. 80% of boys - dad, 20% - themselves.
  2. 25% - “mom, dad, me”, 15% - “mom, dad, me, sister / brother”, 20% - “mom, me, sister / brother”, 30% - “mom, me”, 10% - "I, grandmother."
  3. 60% of children answered "mom", 40% - "dad".
  4. 70% answered "no", 30% answered "yes".
  5. 40% answered yes, 60% answered no.
  6. 70% answered "mom", 30% - "dad".
  7. 60% of boys answered "yes", 40% - "no", 65% of girls answered "yes", 35% - "no".
  8. 85% of boys answered "no", 15 - "yes", 60% of girls answered "no", 40% - "yes".
  9. 80% answered "yes", 20% - "no".
  10. 80% answered "yes", 20% - "no".

Test of parental attitude (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin)
Scales: acceptance / rejection of the child, cooperation, symbiosis, control, attitude to the failures of the child

Purpose of the test

Parental attitude is understood as a system of various feelings and actions of adults towards children. From a psychological point of view, parental attitude is a pedagogical social attitude towards children, which includes rational, emotional and behavioral components. All of them, to one degree or another, are assessed using a questionnaire that forms the basis of this technique.

When answering the questions of the methodology, the subject must express his agreement or disagreement with them using the “Yes” or “No” ratings.

Test
1. I always sympathize with my child.
2. I consider it my duty to know everything my child is thinking.
3. It seems to me that my child's behavior deviates significantly from the norm.
4. You need to keep the child away from real life problems if they hurt him.
5. I feel sympathy for the child.
6. I respect my child.
7. good parents protect the child from the difficulties of life.
8. My child is often unpleasant to me.
9. I always try to help my child.
10. There are times when an unkind attitude towards a child benefits him.
11. In relation to my child, I feel annoyed.
12. My child will not achieve anything in life.
13. It seems to me that other children make fun of my child.
14. My child often does things that deserve condemnation.
15. My child is mentally retarded and looks underdeveloped for his age.
16. My child behaves badly on purpose to annoy me.
17. My child, like a sponge, absorbs all the worst.
18. With all my efforts, my child is difficult to teach. good manners.
19. A child from childhood should be kept within strict limits, only then will he grow out of him good man.
20. I love it when my child's friends come to our house.
21. I always take part in the games and activities of the child.
22. Everything bad constantly “sticks” to my child.
23. My child will not succeed in life.
24. When the company talks about children, I feel ashamed that my child is not as smart and capable as other children.
25. I feel sorry for my child.
26. When I compare my child with peers, they seem to me more well-mannered and more reasonable than my child.
27. I enjoy spending my free time with my child.
28. I often regret that my child is growing up, and fondly remember the time when he was still very young.
29. I often catch myself with hostility and hostility towards the child.
30. I dream of my child achieving what I personally did not succeed in life.
31. Parents should not only demand from the child, but also adapt themselves to him, treat him with respect as a person.
32. I try to fulfill all the requests and wishes of my child.
33. When making decisions in the family, the opinion of the child should be taken into account.
34. I am very interested in my child's life.
35. I often admit that the child is right in his own way in his demands and claims.
36. Children learn early that parents can make mistakes.
37. I always consider the child.
38. I have friendly feelings towards the child.
39. The main reason for my child's whims is selfishness, laziness and stubbornness.
40. If you spend a vacation with a child, then it is impossible to have a normal rest.
41. The most important thing is that the child has a calm, carefree childhood.
42. Sometimes it seems to me that my child is not capable of anything good.
43. I share my child's hobbies.
44. My child can piss anyone off.
45. The grief of my child is always close and understandable to me.
46. ​​My child often annoys me.
47. Raising a child is a complete hassle.
48. Strict discipline in childhood develops a strong character.
49. I don't trust my child.
50. For strict upbringing, children later thank their parents.
51. Sometimes it seems to me that I hate my child.
52. My child has more faults than virtues.
53. The interests of my child are close to me, I share them.
54. My child is not able to do anything on his own, and if he does, then it certainly does not work out the way it should.
55. My child will grow up not adapted to life.
56. I like my child the way he is.
57. I carefully monitor the health of my child.
58. I admire my child.
59. A child should not have secrets from parents.
60. I have a low opinion of my child's abilities and do not hide it from him.
61. A child should be friends with those children that his parents like.

PROCESSING AND INTERPRETATION OF TEST RESULTS

Key to the test

Child acceptance/rejection: -3, 5, 6, -8, -10, -12, -14, -15, -16, -18, 20, -23, -24, -26, 27, -29, 37 , 38, -39, -40, -42, 43, -44, 45, -46, -47, -49, -51, -52, 53, -55, 56, -60.
Cooperation: 21, 25, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36.
Symbiosis: 1, 4, 7, 28, 32.41, 58.
Control: 2, 19, 30, 48, 50, 57, 59.
Attitude to the failures of the child: 9, 11, 13, 17, 22, 54, 61.

For each “Yes” response, the subject receives 1 point, and for each “No” response, 0 points. If there is a “-” sign before the answer number, then one point is awarded for the answer “No” to this question, and 0 points for the answer “Yes”.

Description of scales

Acceptance / rejection of the child. This scale expresses a general emotionally positive (acceptance) or emotionally negative (rejection) attitude towards the child.

Cooperation. This scale expresses the desire of adults to cooperate with the child, the manifestation of sincere interest on their part and participation in his affairs.

Symbiosis. The questions of this scale are focused on finding out whether the adult is striving for unity with the child or, on the contrary, is trying to maintain a psychological distance between the child and himself. This is a kind of contact between a child and an adult.

Control. This scale characterizes how adults control the child's behavior, how democratic or authoritarian they are in relations with him.

Attitude to the failures of the child. This scale shows how adults relate to the child's abilities, to his strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures.

Interpretation of test results

Scale "Acceptance / Rejection"

High scores on a scale (from 24 to 33) indicate that this subject has a pronounced positive attitude to the child. An adult in this case accepts the child as he is, respects and recognizes his individuality, approves his interests, supports plans, spends a lot of time with him and does not regret it.

Low scores on a scale (from 0 to 8) indicate that an adult experiences mostly only negative feelings towards a child: irritation, anger, annoyance, even sometimes hatred. Such an adult considers the child a loser, does not believe in his future, evaluates his abilities low and often treats the child with his attitude. It is clear that an adult with such inclinations cannot be a good teacher.

Scale "Cooperation"

High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are a sign that an adult shows a sincere interest in what the child is interested in, highly appreciates the child’s abilities, encourages the child’s independence and initiative, and tries to be equal with him.

Low scores on the given scale (1-2 points) indicate that an adult behaves in the opposite way towards a child and cannot claim to be a good teacher.

Scale "Symbiosis"

High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are sufficient to conclude that this adult does not establish a psychological distance between himself and the child, tries to always be closer to him, satisfy his basic reasonable needs, and protect him from troubles .

Low scores on the scale (1-2 points) are a sign that an adult, on the contrary, establishes a significant psychological distance between himself and the child, cares little about him. It is unlikely that such an adult can be a good teacher and educator for a child.

Scale "Control"

High scores on the scale (6-7 points) indicate that an adult behaves too authoritatively towards a child, demanding unconditional obedience from him and setting him a strict disciplinary framework. He imposes his will on the child in almost everything. Such an adult can not always be useful as a teacher for children.

Low scores on the scale (1-2 points) - on the contrary, indicate that there is practically no control over the actions of the child by an adult. This may not be good for teaching and raising children. Best Option estimates pedagogical abilities an adult on this scale are the average scores, from 3 to 5 points.

High scores on the scale (6-7 points) are a sign that an adult considers the child a little loser and treats him as an unintelligent creature. Interests, hobbies, thoughts and feelings of a child seem to an adult frivolous, and he ignores them. It is unlikely that such an adult can become a good teacher and educator for a child.

Low scores on the scale (1-2 points), on the contrary, indicate that the adult considers the child's failures to be accidental and believes in him. Such an adult is likely to become a good teacher and educator.

1. Scale "Acceptance / Rejection"
70% of parents have high scores on the scale, and 30% have low scores.
2. Scale "Cooperation"
60% of parents have high scores on the scale, and 40% have low scores.
3. Scale "Symbiosis"
70% of parents have high scores on the scale and 30% are low.
4. Scale "Control"
50% of parents have high scores on the scale and 50% - low
5. Scale "Attitude to the failures of the child"
40% of parents have high scores, 60% have low scores.

Methodology "Strategies of family education"

With this test, you can evaluate the strategy of family education (style): authoritative, authoritarian, liberal and indifferent.

Instructions: an adult must pass the test and choose one answer that suits him.

1. What, in your opinion, determines the character of a person to a greater extent - heredity or upbringing?
   A. Mainly by education.
   B. A combination of innate inclinations and environmental conditions.
   B. Mainly congenital inclinations.
   G. Neither one nor the other, but life experience.
2. How do you feel about the idea that children are raising their parents?
   A. This is a play on words, a sophism that has little to do with reality.
   B. Absolutely agree with this.
   V. I am ready to agree with this, provided that one should not forget about the traditional role of parents as educators of their children.
   G. I find it difficult to answer, I did not think about it.
3. Which of the judgments about education do you find the most successful?
   A. If you have nothing more to say to the child, tell him to go wash (Edgar Howe)
   B. The purpose of education is to teach children to do without us (Ernst Legouwe)
   C. Children do not need teachings, but examples (Joseph Joubert)
   D. Teach your son obedience, then you can teach everything else (Thomas Fuller)
4. Do you think parents should educate their children about gender?
   A. No one taught me this, and life itself will teach them.
   B. I think that parents should satisfy the children's interest in these issues in an accessible form.
   C. When the children are old enough, it will be necessary to start a conversation about this. And at school age, the main thing is to take care to protect them from manifestations of immorality.
   G. Of course, first of all, this should be done by parents.
5. Should parents give their child pocket money?
   A. If he asks, you can give.
   B. It is best to regularly give out a certain amount for specific purposes and control spending.
   B. It is advisable to give out a certain amount for a certain period (for a week, for a month), so that the child himself learns to plan his expenses.
   D. When there is an opportunity, you can sometimes give him some amount.
6. What would you do if you find out that your child has been bullied by a classmate?
   A. I will be upset, I will try to console the child.
   B. I will go to sort things out with the offender's parents.
   C. Children themselves will better understand their relationships, especially since their grievances are short-lived.
   D. I will advise the child how best to behave in such situations.
7. How do you deal with a child's swearing?
   A. I will try to make him understand that in our family, and among decent people in general, this is not accepted.
   B. Foul language must be nipped in the bud! Punishment is necessary here, and from now on the child must be protected from communicating with ill-mannered peers.
   B. Think about it! We all know these words. It is not necessary to attach importance to this, as long as it does not go beyond reasonable limits.
   D. The child has the right to express his feelings, even in a way that we do not like.
8. A teenage daughter wants to spend the weekend at a friend's country house, where a group of peers will gather in the absence of parents. Would you let her go?
   A. No way. Such gatherings do not lead to good. If children want to relax and have fun, let them do it under the supervision of elders.
   B. Perhaps, if I know her comrades as decent and reliable guys.
   Q. She is quite a reasonable person to make her own decision. Although, of course, in her absence I will be a little worried.
   G. I see no reason to ban.
9. How will you react if you find out that the child lied to you?
   A. I will try to bring him to clean water and shame him.
   B. If the reason is not too serious, I will not attach any importance.
   B. upset
   D. I'll try to figure out what prompted him to lie.
10. Do you think you are setting a good example for your child?
    A. Absolutely.
    B. I try.
    B. I hope.
    G. I don't know.

Processing and interpretation of results

Behavior style	Question numbers
liberal
indifferent

• It is necessary to mark the selected answers in the table and determine their correspondence to one of the types of parental behavior. The greater the predominance of one of the types of answers, the more pronounced in the family a certain style of education. If any one category does not predominate among the answers, then we are probably talking about a controversial parenting style, when there are no clear principles, and the behavior of parents is dictated by a momentary mood.
  As a result of this technique, we obtained the following results:
  25% of families have an authoritarian style of family education, 35% of families have an authoritative style, 25% of families have an indifferent style, 10% have a liberal style, 15% of families do not have any one category prevailing.

Conflicts between children and parents

This type of conflict is one of the most common in everyday life.

Psychologists distinguish the following types of conflicts between teenagers and parents:
conflict of instability of the parental relationship (constant change in the criteria for evaluating the child);
conflict of overcare (excessive guardianship and overexpectations);
conflict of disrespect for the rights to independence (totality of instructions and control);
conflict of paternal authority (the desire to achieve one's own in the conflict at any cost).

Usually, the child responds to the claims and conflicting actions of the parents with such reactions (strategies), as:
reaction of the opposition (demonstrative actions of a negative nature);
refusal reaction (disobedience to the requirements of parents);
isolation reaction (the desire to avoid unwanted contacts with parents, hiding information and actions).

Causes of conflict situations

1. Insufficient attention or, conversely, excessive parental control in relation to the younger generation, lack of a competent educational policy, unwillingness to listen will certainly lead not only to quarrels and scandals, but also harm the psychological development of a teenager.
2.Clash of interests of the older and younger generations. Satisfying the needs and desires of one side without taking into account the interests and needs of the other leads to powerful emotional outbursts of negative energy.
3. Among the qualities of parents that lead to conflicts in the family, one can single out a conservative mindset, adherence to bad habits, and authoritarian opinions. Among children's qualities, selfishness, disobedience, poor school performance, stubbornness, laziness and deceit lead to conflicts. Such a contradiction will certainly find a way out in the form of a quarrel.
4. Lack of harmony in the family. If the relationship of the spouses is based on hostility towards each other, then the level of psychological tension in the family will tend to increase. The atmosphere of constant hostility between parents can lead to mental deviations in the development of the child.
5. Problems of everyday and social nature. Often parents transfer the negative from the burden of problems into communication with their children, which leads to the formation of complexes and feelings of guilt in the child.
6. Inability or unwillingness of parents to limit too free behavior of children. The child, feeling his own impunity and permissiveness, begins to behave accordingly. And troubles come in the form of problems with the law, in relationships with peers and parents.
7. Psychological immaturity of parents. The older generation's lack of wisdom in communicating with a child and elementary knowledge about the characteristics of upbringing are the causes of misunderstanding and disagreement.
8. Age component. Each period of a child's development has its own characteristic nuances that parents should take into account when communicating with him.
Psychologists distinguish two such age periods:
1. primary school age - during this period social adaptation criticism from adults is perceived especially sharply;
2. teenage years - the stage when all the internal contradictions of the child come out, the teenager has a desire to protest not only to the school, teachers and peers, but to the whole world.

In addition to the general causes that produce conflict in people's relationships, which are discussed above, there are psychological factors of conflict in the interaction of parents and children.
1. Type of intra-family relations. There are harmonious and disharmonious types of family relations. In a harmonious family, a moving balance is established, which is manifested in the formation of the psychological roles of each family member, the formation of the family "We", the ability of family members to resolve contradictions.
Family disharmony is the negative nature of marital relations, expressed in the conflict interaction of spouses. The level of psychological stress in such a family tends to increase, leading to neurotic reactions its members, the emergence of a feeling of constant anxiety in children.
2. Destructiveness of family education. The following features of destructive types of education are distinguished:
- disagreements of family members on issues of education;
- inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy;
- guardianship and prohibitions in many areas of children's lives;
- increased demands on children, frequent use of threats, condemnations,
3. Age crises of children are considered as factors of their increased conflict. The age crisis is a transitional period from one stage child development to another. During critical periods, children become naughty, capricious, irritable. They often come into conflict with others, especially with their parents. They have a negative attitude towards previously fulfilled requirements, reaching stubbornness. The following age crises of children are distinguished:
- crisis of the first year (transition from infancy to early childhood);
- crisis of "three years" (transition from early childhood to preschool age);
- crisis b-7 years (transition from preschool to primary school age);
- crisis of puberty (transition from elementary school to adolescence- 12-14 years old);
- Adolescence crisis 15-17 years.
4. Personal factor. Among the personal characteristics of parents that contribute to their conflicts with children, there is a conservative way of thinking, adherence to outdated rules of behavior and bad habits (alcohol consumption, etc.), authoritarian judgments, orthodox beliefs, etc. Among the personal characteristics of children are such as low academic performance, violations of the rules of conduct, ignoring the recommendations of parents, as well as disobedience, stubbornness, selfishness and egocentrism, self-confidence, laziness, etc. Thus, the conflicts under consideration can be presented as the result of mistakes of parents and children.

Ways to resolve conflicts between parents and children.

• Raising the ability of parents to make concessions and seek a compromise. Finding a suitable alternative makes it possible for each participant in the dispute to understand each other and find a constructive solution. Parents need to be aware that the search for a compromise solution is not about providing the child with a "standard set" of advice and instructions, but about helping him choose the optimal model of behavior and in realizing responsibility for the decision made.
• The ability to see conflicts between parents and adolescents not as a problem, but as a signal of gaps ineducational process . You should pay attention to the child, realize the fact that the views on life of parents and children can differ significantly.
• Parents should fill in the gaps in their knowledge inparenting . Each stage of growing up is accompanied by typical conflicts for this period. But knowledgeable parents know how to control these processes and know how to prevent ordinary disagreements from developing into a more negative situation.
• Formation of common family hobbies. It is necessary that each family member, in the event of a conflict situation, has the opportunity to transform negative energy into the positive. Common interests will help the family not only reconcile more quickly after a quarrel, but also provide an excellent opportunity to get distracted and get rid of destructive aggression.
• The distribution of household chores among all family members. Everyone, whether an adult or a child, should take part in household chores. When all responsibilities fall on only one person, this will certainly lead to resentment and disputes. In addition, entrusting children with simple tasks develops in them a sense of responsibility and awareness of their importance in society.
• Constant confidential communication of adults with the child, understanding of his inner world. It is important not to leave the child alone with his own experiences, it is necessary to learn to listen and empathize, show support and care.
• Controlling anger and dissatisfaction. Before throwing out emotions, you need to remember that the child only copies the behavior of his closest people - his parents. In conflict situations, the behavior of the younger generation largely depends on the example set by adults.
• Giving the child the right to choose. This point is of particular importance in adolescence, when the desire for freedom exceeds all permissible limits. It is extremely important at this stage to treat a teenager as an independent person, to accept his interests, respect personal space, and take into account his position.
• Tolerance for shortcomings. In no case should you compare your children with anyone else - each child is individual and unique. Instead of looking for flaws, it is better to give the child the opportunity to express himself as an independent and individual person. Of course, all this should take place under the imperceptible supervision of adults.

In most cases, the lack of mutual understanding and the desire to take into account each other's opinions are main reason family scandals. As a result, happy family life turns into constant squabbles and conflicts with parents. If you stop being guided solely by your own interests, then any situation can be resolved in such a way that all parties will be satisfied. This will smooth out conflicts, improve the psychological atmosphere in the family and establishrelationship between parents and children .

Conclusion
The family is a cell (small social group) of society, the most important form of organizing personal life, based on marital union and family ties. Sheis the environment of existence, development of a person from birth to death.
In the life of every person, his parents play one of the main roles. The process of forming his personality, the development of a certain type of human behavior throughout life, largely depends on the attitude of the father and mother towards their child. Worldview, the formation of character, moral foundations, attitude to spiritual and material values ​​are first of all brought up in children by their parents. And this process depends largely on how the basic needs of the child are satisfied in the family, how correctly parental positions are manifested from the point of view of his development and upbringing. Emotional relationships in the family play an important integrating role, thanks to which family members feel like a single community and feel the warmth and support of each other.
Intra-family relationships are one of the components of this system, which, in turn, also have a complex structure.

During our research work, we realized that the relationship between children and parents is influenced by many factors:
family parenting style
methods and forms of family education
types of family education
conflicts between parents and children in the family

As a result of the study, the following conclusions were drawn:

1. Inadequate attitude of parents to the child causes his anxiety.
2. The level of formation of independence depends on the development of the child's personality and on the creation of conditions by parents.
3. Positive relationships between adults and children are formed in a favorable climate in the family, in the presence of the moral nature of the independence of children.
4. The most favorable parenting style is democratic.
5. The most favorable type of upbringing is love.
5. The most stressful parenting styles are lack of positive interest and hostility from parents. Striving for independence, manifested primarily in external forms of behavior, a modern teenager retains at a deep level the need for psychological support from parents, and its absence is a stressful factor.
6. Ways to resolve adolescent age-related interpersonal conflict with parents can be very different, usually this is facilitated by the establishment of trusting, friendly relationships, mutual respect between them.

But, nevertheless, adults, in this case parents, should take the initiative in their prevention and elimination. Their task is to understand the changes in their children and, if possible, switch to a new style communicate with a teenager, that is, treat him like an adult.

Based on these findings, it can be concluded that our hypothesis that inIn a family, a positive relationship between parents and children is established if:
1. The position of parents is based on love, humanity, understanding and trust;
2. Favorable relations in the family between parents and children have been established,
received its confirmation.

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The main wish of the newlyweds at the wedding is to keep love until old age. Studies by psychologists and sociologists confirm that in love people live longer and happier, they become successful. For what reason do families collapse and more than 50% of married couples get divorced? Why is the divorce rate on the rise? Why do couples choose to live in a civil marriage? Let's figure it out.

What is family?

The term "family" is the subject of study of many sciences. Each sees the family as small group society and gives a clear definition.

• Sociology. Science considers family relationships within the same genus.
• Jurisprudence. Science studies. At the legislative level, the term "clan and family" is interpreted as follows - a group of people between whom a strong domestic and moral connection has been established.
• . Representatives of this science highlight the importance of family relationships. and family relations is based on the continuity of relations between generations.
• Story. Even historians have their own vision and interpretation of the family. According to experts, the genus and family are a single entity and the unit of society is a group of people who have a common ancestor.

It is important! In general, the family and family relations are part of society, interconnected by a common life, moral relations, which are formalized at the legislative level.

How to prepare for family life

When newlyweds plunge headlong into pre-wedding preparations, they forget about the main thing - the peculiarities of emotional relationships in marriage. Harmonious Relations in a family, no matter how trite it may sound, it is hard work. The right decision would be to contact a psychologist and undergo a diagnosis that will determine their readiness for marriage and family.

The specialist offers to answer several questions:

• “how did you prepare for family life?”;
• “What do you see in the family?”;
• “Culture of marriage relations – how do you understand it?”.

The most important question is “Why do you need marriage and a family?”

It often happens that the bride and groom see completely different possibilities in marriage. In the future, different expectations will inevitably lead to. If the newlyweds find it difficult to answer the questions of a psychologist, the best solution is to postpone marriage and better understand their own feelings and understand what it is and how to create a favorable psychological climate.

It is important! For a favorable psychological climate in the future, you need to make sure that the bride and groom have the same life values. Of course, in adulthood to find a person with similar values, so it is important to understand your chosen one before marriage and respect his goals, aspirations and decisions.

Relationship problems in a young family

Love is giving yourself to another

First of all, let's look at the real situation. What are the relationships in marriage? Spouses are guided by the principle of "I want." In this case, everyone does as he pleases and wants. If spouses in a family do not trust each other, do not support and do not strive, such a marriage will not last long and will inevitably fall apart.

There are relationships in the family when spouses are guided by the word "should". This approach is also wrong, since family life turns into the fulfillment of duty, discontent and irritation inevitably grow, there is no talk of romance and love in such an atmosphere.

Is there a solution to the problem? Of course, because there are happy married couples. What quality do these couples have that can keep their feelings for years to come? The difference in feelings between spouses. When it comes to falling in love, it's life for yourself. And love is the desire to give, to make a person truly happy. In this case, the two concepts "want" and "should" are intertwined and create a happy family union.

Virtues and vices in the family

The family is a reflection of the unity of the Holy Trinity, when the spouses retain their personalities and create a union of unity. What kind of relationship can there be in marriage, when the relationship is not based on love, when the spouses do not complement each other? Of course, such a family has no future. The source of moral relations begins with the appearance of vices and the inability to overcome them.

Three main vices in marriage:

• vanity;
• selfishness;
• voluptuousness.

Vanity

It's about selfishness. It is vanity that is the source of corruption, blinding the mind. As a result, the family is not just destroyed, a person makes mistakes, addictions appear, as a result, instead of real life, there is only an illusory world based on selfishness and fantasies.

In the family, the problem of vanity can be solved by humility and condescension. Humility is an integral part of a strong marriage. Indulgence is a feeling that unites all family members and helps to strengthen and develop a marriage.

selfishness

The cult of one's own personality and one's own "I" destroys human ties, hinders normal communication. It is self-love. If you put your own personality and calmness above all else, this will inevitably lead to divorce. Selfishness leads to cruelty and insensitivity, and the family suffers from this.

The solution to the problem is love. It is love that revives the personality, heals the soul.

voluptuousness

In this case, a person sees pleasure as the main thing. Vice is a refusal to work, a refusal to endure difficulties and solve problems. Voluptuousness devalues ​​a person, a person is deprived of the opportunity to communicate with other people. As a result, vice causes irreparable harm to the family.

The only solution to the problem is hard work.

The source of moral relations lies in the desire and ability to overcome difficulties, work, lead a moderate lifestyle.

What destroys the family and how to resist it?

Inability to listen to each other and find a compromise

Any problem can be solved if you calmly talk. If you deliberately move away from the problem or try to solve it on your own, this will only complicate the life situation, lies will inevitably begin, and negative will accumulate.

Important! Openly express dissatisfaction, voice what makes you uncomfortable.

selfishness

The family has to put up with the interests of the partner, his temperament, habits. Not being able to fully accept a person is a manifestation of selfishness.

Important! Do not get angry, negotiate with a partner, look for compromises.

Fight for first place

The family pedestal often destroys families, as each of the spouses wants to gain a foothold in the first place and try on the crown. As a result, quarrels begin in the family, resentment accumulates.

Important! Remember, family is not a jungle or a boxing ring. There is no need to defend your position here. The family is a place where a person is charged with positive emotions.

Claims, criticism

If you constantly criticize and present claims to a person, he will lose faith in himself, become aggressive and withdrawn. , because inevitably a person will begin to seek consolation on the side.

Important! Support, understanding give unlimited strength to a person, help to develop, move forward.

Jealousy

In small quantities it is a charm, but jealousy in large quantities is unacceptable in a marriage. What are the relationships in marriage, where jealousy overshadows common sense? A feeling can develop into a painful addiction, when it is no longer possible to cope without the help of a psychologist.

Important! Show wisdom, patience and attention. This will help keep the love alive.

Relationship with parents

Quite often, the styles of relationships in the family between adult children and parents can hardly be called ideal. There are enough reasons for this.

Claims from parents:

• we hoped you would be different;
• the efforts and money invested in you did not pay off;
• we wanted to be proud of you;
• we have been waiting for you to share our holidays and hardships.

Children's complaints:

• we have a private life and do not need to interfere in it;
• many unpleasant moments are connected with parents;
• relationships with parents do not allow to relax;
• parents do not share the interests of children.

It is important! The problem of parents and children lies in the twisted position of the two sides. The dysfunctional position of the parents is as follows - the child must understand by gestures and facial expressions what the parent is thinking, but at the same time be an adult. The twisted position of the child - I am afraid to be alone, but I want to be responsible for my own

Be forgiving and listen to each other. Try to provide all possible assistance and at the same time not demand anything in return. Be patient and understanding. Support in any situation. Children must remember that they cannot demand from their parents what they did not receive. Parents, in turn, must understand that it is no longer possible to re-educate children.

Secrets of a happy family

In fact, it is impossible to define universal, because every relationship is unique. However, psychologists identify several universal recommendations that will help keep the family together and strengthen it.

Be tolerant

Of course, spouses cannot be unanimous on all issues, since two people cannot be an exact reflection of each other. The task of each of the spouses is to accept the point of view of their partner, to love him for who he is, with all the oddities.

Important! Remember, every person has virtues for which you can forgive his shortcomings.

Distinguish the important from the unimportant

It is necessary to understand what issues require disputes, and what situation can be smoothed out and not aggravate the atmosphere in the house. The main thing is to maintain good relations between the spouses and harmony in the family, mutual respect.

Give in, look for a compromise

Remember that the manifestation of stubbornness will never lead to harmony and peace in the family. Be guided by a wise saying - to yield does not mean to lose. Yielding, a person wins in much more - strengthens the family.

talk

Communication is an important part of family life, The best way exchange information. Each conversation is an exchange of energy, the ability to share feelings and problems, the ability to empathize.

Important! Two loving people will always find something to talk about, when the topics for conversation are exhausted, most likely, something needs to be changed in family life.

Be silent together

two loving people always comfortable in silence. There are days when spouses say no more than a few phrases to each other. Silence should not cause awkwardness and boredom. If two people love each other, there is an energy field between them, thanks to which mutual understanding arises.

Earn and spend together

They have always been and will be a source of problems and quarrels in family life. Loving spouses finances are distributed calmly and peacefully and at the same time it does not matter at all who is the main earner in the family. In modern society, the one who does it better.

Important! Money should not become a subject of contention and quarrels, it is only a tool for organizing everyday life.

Your spouse is your best friend

According to psychologists, the basis of happy family relationships is friendship, while intimate relationships and romance are not a hindrance to friendship, but an addition.

Make remarks, but be gentle

Happy spouses are real diplomats who know how to make a remark so subtly that the partner will easily take note of the phrase and not regard it as a claim.

Enjoy intimacy

Learn to truly enjoy intimacy with your partner. Discuss the topic of sex so that it does not become routine and boring.

Make plans and dream

Joint plans indicate that the spouses are ready to spend many years together. When a husband and wife discuss even minor plans, this is a sign that they trust each other and want to be together.

Important! If loving spouses have to part for a while, then this only strengthens their relationship. But try to plan your vacation together.

Summary

Remember in happy family partners talk to each other on various topics, express dissatisfaction, make plans, discuss sex and relationships with parents. This is called co-dependent families. It is important not to isolate yourself from your partner's problems, but to try to solve them together. Psychologists suggest learning to conflict less. Start with one day a week when you will not quarrel and sort things out. Gradually increase the “conflict-free” days and very soon this behavior will become habitual.

What the psychologist says about family relationships - look at the video.

Good afternoon friends! Although they say that a man and a woman are from different planets, they still live together all their lives and continue their race. Of course, family relationships are the task that all couples have faced since the creation of a new unit of society, and sometimes even earlier.

Today we will try to figure out with you how to build a healthy relationship between spouses.

Everyone views marriage differently. One type of relationship is acceptable to someone, while another may completely deny it. These days, not all families follow the traditional path of marriage, living together, children. There are couples child free (those who do not want to have children).

There are those for whom simply the so-called civil marriage. I can give many more kinds of families. But today we will talk with you about some general criteria for relationships in the family. Moreover, I will share with you the results of my friend's experiment.

It's funny, but a fact that can really stand out Various types relationship between wife and husband. Literature, observations and my personal experience revealed the following:

Husband is a protector

85% of women confirmed that it is important for them to see support, support and protection in their man. Since they need to feel like a weak girl in a relationship.

This does not mean that women are basically weak. They, like men, give all the best at work, they have many responsibilities and great responsibility, but when they come home they want to feel weak and defenseless.

jealous

Jealousy has not been canceled. Someone can control this feeling, for someone it is completely absent, but some really go too far. Psychologists are divided into two types in this regard. Some say that jealousy is a sign of self-doubt. Others - that this is a sign of great love.

Total control

Many men and women have a desire to control everything and everyone. Some people are fine with it, and some are not.

Rivalry

This happens when, in society, spouses or one of them tries to put himself in best light while humiliating the dignity of another and praising himself.

All for evil

This type of relationship can begin with any quarrel or resentment. Then everyone starts to take revenge for it. All this develops into a global problem that can end very badly.

Subordination

This situation can occur when one of the spouses is a tyrant and a dictator. In most cases, these are men.

Equality

With this term, everything is clear. However, in order to achieve this kind of relationship, you need to make a lot of effort.

The husband is the breadwinner, the wife is the keeper of the hearth

Nobody cancels traditions. However, after a while, this type of relationship is very often interpreted a little differently, more suitable for equality. But traditional families still exist.

Such partners prefer to hush up all their problems and never swear, accumulating all the discontent inside themselves. But patience can sometimes explode with a powerful bomb.

Relationships for status

Here I would like to include such couples who form a family of convenience, or because of hopelessness. It could also be tradition. different countries where parents at birth choose future spouses for their babies.

What I'm saying is that your relationship doesn't have to fall into one category or the other. It can be a collection of several types. Also, family relationships can change, moving from one type to another.

Before starting a family, you must understand for yourself what a family means to you and what role you want to play in it. Talk about it with your partner accordingly.

Often no one thinks about it, because you are overwhelmed with feelings. But then you have to face reality.

I know that the older generation is against cohabitation before marriage. They consider it a disgrace. Although many young people are in favor of living together before marriage as an experiment, some psychologists echo this. They argue that routine is a whole school of life. And if in everyday life you are incompatible with your partner, then without the experience of living together it will be very difficult for you.

I had to work with a colleague who had such a roommate. At first everything went well, he made good money and helped this woman with a child to buy new apartment to replace her old one. But between this young woman and her "husband" arose violent quarrel and he went on a long flight. Then he returned and demanded money for the apartment.

Do you think he is legally entitled to do so? And if a child was born in such an unformed relationship? Is he also outside the law - illegitimate? There are other serious reasons to keep virginity, for example, telegonia.

As for the verification of everyday life, no one forbids young lovers to engage in some joint work. For example, a guy and a girl can stick wallpaper together, clean up a plot, paint a fence, cook some dish.

Simple Rules

So, let's talk to you about those very simple rules, observing which, your relationship will go to new level.

1. Find common interests and hobbies. Thus, you can spend more time not only together, but also doing what you love. This will make you stronger.
2. Mutual assistance. Help each other with household chores: cleaning, cooking. Help advice and a word. Try not to deny each other.
3. Stay individual. You don't have to adapt to each other just to please. You should not only be “We”, but everyone should have their own “I”.
4. Dare to step. No need to argue to the last. You can always negotiate and find a compromise.
5. Don't strive for perfection. In principle, such a concept does not exist. And who do you want to prove that your relationship is perfect? If love reigns in them, then this applies only to the two of you.
6. Respect each other. Love is intertwined with respect and care. If you do not respect your spouse, then you do not respect yourself, as it is your choice.
7. Dare to be grateful. Don't take everything for granted. Say thank you for your wife's breakfast. She did try. She will be very pleased, this is a good incentive and motivation. After gratitude, you will feel a sense of satisfaction inside you. Little things like this change our lives for the better.
8. Love true. Love for nothing. And not just because you feel that way, but because it's right!
9. Don't gloss over your problems. Discuss everything with a partner, and then together you will find a way out of any difficult situation.

Family relationships are...

Extraordinary Poll

Remember at the very beginning I promised you to tell about a certain experiment? So, my friend somehow decided to interview her husband and a couple of his married friends. There was only one question:

“What are the top 10 mistakes women make in relationships?”

The answers were similar. Here is the list.

1. Shared shopping. Girls, there is no romance on the part of men in this. Moreover, it does not give them any pleasure at all. So it's better to take a girlfriend with you for shopping.
2. Shared cleaning. Men believe that this is the duty of a woman. I generally agree with them. But my friends confirmed that if they were, then, of course, they would not refuse. But don't overuse it.
3. Ubiquitous control. Everyone should have their own personal space. You can't spend 24/7 together. The main thing here is to learn to trust and live freely.
4. Impulsiveness and restlessness. No matter how emotional you are, there should always be limits. No need to resort to humiliation and insults.
5. Unjustified expectations. This is what we have already talked about. Do not build an ideal out of your man.
6. Forget the expression "You must". Women think that a man should think about vacation, give flowers, take care, buy tickets to the cinema and the theater, arrange various surprises. Yes, no one took responsibility for this from them. But if you want to arrange romantic evening, do not expect this from a man. Do it yourself. He will be pleased too. Believe me, the response will follow immediately. With such gestures, you give a man inspiration.
7. Don't doubt your man. Trust and support your partner. You are his incentive. And your doubt, on the contrary, can knock him down in any endeavors.
8. Don't think you can change your pair. Why then did you choose it at all? Accept your man for who he is. Just correct any points together if something does not suit yours.
9. Don't flirt with others. Despite the fact that in France this is accepted, and everyone says that this is the essence of a woman, in Russia everything is different. Be faithful and devoted to your man.
10. Don't argue all the way. Try to listen to the man and look for a common compromise.

So, here are 10 rules from the lips of men. Dear women take this reminder for yourself. I think over time it can come in handy for you and strengthen your relationship.

Video about family relationships

In the end, I would like to say that often the relationship between spouses is far from ideal. Because there are quarrels and misunderstandings, but do not stop believing in pure love (an article about love and). In the end, she will overcome everything. See you soon, friends! Don't forget to share the blog with your friends and leave comments.

Building good relationships in the family is a difficult and responsible business. It is necessary to learn to give love to loved ones, to accept their advantages and disadvantages. cozy house understanding relatives make family relationships comfortable. How to avoid conflicts? How to create a warm atmosphere in the family? Spouses, children, elderly parents work together day after day on relationships. Compromise is sometimes the only way out of difficult life situations.

Subtleties of family relations

A family is a small group of people based on marriage or consanguinity. They are interconnected by a common life, responsibility, moral standards.

Family relationships are warm feelings for parents and other relatives. They share common memories and traditions. Relationships are built on support difficult situations. Common holidays, rest allow the family to meet more often if parents and children live in different places.

The money issue is a feature of family relationships. Elderly parents help their adult children and vice versa. The husband becomes the only breadwinner if the wife takes care of the little child. The subtleties of monetary relations are built on mutual trust, responsibility for one's family. If one of the relatives is sick or is in a difficult life situation, the money issue helps to solve some problems. In this case, only the family can be of great help.

Having children is another aspect of family relationships. Caring for babies, methods of education are passed down from generation to generation. The development of the child, his ability to communicate and contact with other people - all this is laid down in the family. Grandparents take part in the upbringing of their grandchildren. The emotional nature of relationships in the family is manifested in the formation of the character of the child. It is important that trusting and warm feelings bind all relatives.

Each family, with its principles and views, develops its own model of relationships. It is based on education, life experience, professional features. The existing types of family relations are divided into dictate, cooperation, guardianship, non-interference.

1. Diktat. The authority of parents suppresses, ignores the interests of children. There is a systematic humiliation by adults of their own dignity of younger relatives. Based on their experience, parents forcibly, in a tough manner, dictate their conditions of life, behavior, morality. Any manifestations of initiative, one's own opinion are extinguished in the bud. Emotional abuse often turns into physical abuse.
2. Cooperation. A family united by common interests, mutual assistance. Joint decisions are made in certain situations. The causes of the conflicts that have arisen and ways out of them are discussed. Parents, children are able to overcome their own egoism for the sake of common goals. The ability to compromise, overcoming individualism are the foundations of family relations in this model.
3. guardianship. Excessive care of parents makes children in such a family infantile, indifferent. Adults, investing material and moral values ​​in their offspring, protect them from everyday problems. Children, growing up, do not know how to build relationships with peers, colleagues. They cannot act independently, without the consent, encouragement, and help of their parents.
4. non-intervention. Independent coexistence of adults and children. The policy of non-intervention in all spheres of life. Usually, the psychology of family relations in this model is passive indifference to the thoughts, actions, and aspirations of their children. This comes from the inability and unwillingness of adults to become wise parents.

Young family

The emergence of a new family is the beginning of a long journey that a husband and wife have to go through. Building relationships with new parents is possible only with mutual respect and patience. It must be understood that the spouse's parents are also a family. With their values, traditions, memories. You have to be very tactful about new family trying to avoid resentment, conflict situations. Try not to make offensive statements, the memory of which can be preserved for years.

It is convenient to build family relationships when the husband and wife live separately from their parents. Then the entire responsibility for a comfortable life lies only with them. Spouses learn to adapt to each other. They look for compromises, learn habits, put up, make mistakes. Together they create their own model of a family in which it will be convenient for them and their future children.

When young couples begin life together apart from their parents, they quickly master new roles - husband and wife. They are not dominated by older relatives with their marriage patterns. Parents have their own life experience, past mistakes and conflict situations. It is necessary to allow the young family to independently find solutions to certain problems.

New relatives

Most conflict situations arise if a young family begins to coexist with their parents. In this case, the features of family relations are to create harmonious ties with new parents. This is a difficult test that teaches tolerance for other people's views and relationships. Sometimes parents, supporting their child, do not seek to protect the newly acquired relative or relative.

How to avoid conflicts in this situation?

• Treat your spouse's family with respect. Participate in common holidays, maintain (if possible) traditions.
• Tell the truth, don't lie. If inappropriate questions arise, speak in general terms without going into details.
• Don't jump to conclusions. In each unpleasant situation, first find out what motivated people in making certain decisions.
• Do not judge new parents, avoid harsh assessment of their behavior, appearance, profession, life.
• Try to be polite, attentive, remember about mutual assistance.

Parents should respect the choice of their child. try to maintain marriage and family relations, do not provoke quarrels between spouses. Wisely and tactfully suggest a way out of conflict situations that are inevitable in marriage. Refrain from harsh statements, categorical judgments.

The appearance of a child

It is very important for a young family to form comfortable marriage and family relations. The bottom should be comfortable for both spouses. This is a trusting relationship, conflict-free communication, the ability to be understanding and attentive.

The birth of a child is a difficult period in the life of a family. Pregnancy with female whims, irritability, mood swings introduces the first dissonance into the familiar idyll. Understanding, patience will help spouses maintain good family relations.

With the advent of the baby, the whole habitual way of life changes. Night vigils, crying, childhood illnesses - an occasion to acquire new skills and knowledge. The responsibility that has fallen on the husband for material and moral well-being often causes anger and denial in the young spouse, a desire to start a new, calm life. Postpartum depression, fear for the health of the baby make the young wife focused only on the child.

Calm acceptance new role(moms and dads) will allow young parents to come to a consensus. The distribution of responsibilities, endurance will help to overcome difficulties, preserve family relationships. And children who grow up in love and joy become calm, self-confident adults.

Family traditions

It is important for a family to have common memories and traditions. They promote cohesion and friendship. It can be picnics where the whole family gathers. or joint annual leave. If parents and their adult children live in different areas or cities, there is a need for the emergence of such traditions.

General holidays and birthdays are held in high spirits. The whole family gathers together, congratulating the anniversaries, decorating the room for the celebration. Gifts are an excellent occasion to restore shattered family relationships, ask for an apology or forgive relatives. All troubles and misunderstandings are forgotten in the cheerful whirlwind of the holiday.

If parents and adult children live together, having dinner together can become a nightly tradition. Leisurely conversations over a cup of tea, discussion of plans for the future. In this case, the development of family relations, common traditions contribute to the creation of friendly ties between parents, children and grandchildren.

Stages of family development

Almost all families face difficulties. A certain crisis is coming. Both marriage and family relationships are changing, reaching a new level. The main stages of development proceed depending on the level of maturity of the spouses.

• The first year of family life. To be able to find compromises, to yield to each other. Adjust, look for a convenient form of existence together.
• Birth of a child. Develop comfortable ways of interacting with each other and with the child. Awareness of one's parental position.
• 3-5 years of family life. The child grows up, the woman goes to work. Distribution of responsibilities in the family. New forms of interaction, where two working spouses, and the responsibility and care for the child still remain.
• 8-15 years of family life. Habitual, familiar way of life brings boredom. Accumulated problems, mutual grievances. Minor nit-picking and irritation interfere with good relations.
• 20 years of family life. Risk of change. The emergence of a new family and children (usually the husband). Reassessment of values ​​and summing up the first life results. The desire to change everything, to start over.
• Grown up children, retirement. No one to take care of, an empty house, loneliness. Search for new interests. Rebuilding relationships with spouse and adult children.

Overcoming conflict situations

Family conflicts are inevitable. They occur on everyday grounds, due to different worldviews, rejection of any decisions. Conflict can make or break a marriage. It is important to maintain the norms of family relations, to correctly build even unpleasant situations. The culture of communication, tact, respect will help overcome the conflict, understand the reasons for its occurrence and get out of it without infringing on anyone's rights. There are 4 main ways to resolve disagreements:

1. Smoothing out the conflict - nullifying the controversial situation. Quietly waiting for the end of the quarrel. The ability to forget and forgive unpleasant moments.

2. Search for a compromise- the ability to find a way out of the situation. Discuss the cause of the conflict, express your point of view. Find convenient ways to a peaceful life, without infringement of dignity.

3. Confrontation- Each of the parties to the conflict insists on its own point of view. Needs and feelings are ignored. Husband and wife move away from each other.

4. Persuasion- one of the spouses insists on his point of view, motivating with various arguments.

In any case, the psychology of family relations recommends a peaceful solution to the conflict. Do not bring it to physical violence, aggression.

Mutual understanding in the family

If there is no mutual understanding in the family, the spouses begin to move away from each other. The inability to express one's point of view can result in misunderstanding, resentment, quarrels. In order not to bring the family to a scandal or divorce, you should reconsider your habits. Both parties must be involved in this. Spouses must learn to find mutual language so as not to bring the relationship to a critical point. Therefore, you need:

• Avoid being categorical.
• Do not consider only your point of view as correct.
• Do not be indifferent to the hobbies (hobbies) of the second half.
• Eliminate suspicion.
• Avoid harsh, harsh language.

Divorce

Problems in relationships, quarrels with children, fear of responsibility bring disappointment. Quite often, modern family relationships end in divorce. Most men and women prefer to live in a guest marriage, not to have children.

There are situations when it is impossible to forgive a soul mate. Disappointment in a loved one can affect the rest of your life. Infidelity, physical or emotional abuse in the family lead to divorce.

Children are the main victims. They love their parents, sometimes in spite of everything. The feeling of uselessness, the feeling that he was rejected, can haunt the child for a long time. You should be very careful. Patiently explain that adult relationships change, but love for the child remains.

Former spouses mistakenly believe that after a divorce, life will change dramatically for the better. Unfortunately, the reasons that provoked a divorce can affect the future life. You should find out what personal habits or attitudes influenced the dissolution of the marriage. Try to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

Secrets of a happy family

A happy family life, relationships are built by both spouses. Both the husband and the wife are to blame for the causes of quarrels and conflicts. Do not build illusions, idealize marriage. Family is always problems, moments of crisis, resentment. It is necessary to learn to forgive each other, to treat habits and beliefs with understanding and patience.

A happy family solves the problems that have arisen together, together. Spouses learn to find compromises. The secret of happiness is not in avoiding conflicts, but in their awareness and peaceful resolution. Do not hold back insults, but talk more and try to understand a different point of view. Quarrel, swear, but always return to peace and harmony in the family.

Only helping each other, patience will help overcome misunderstanding. In a happy family, care and respect come first. This is a daily work for the common good. The warm praise of a spouse, kindness, compassion help people overcome difficult life situations.

Do not overprotect children. They, too, must learn from their own mistakes. Show initiative and independence. Nevertheless, help and mutual assistance will become the guarantor of happy family relationships.

More often walk all together, relax. Get out into nature or have a picnic. The common overcoming of difficulties, joint fun and joy will hold the family together for many years.